Unlike the Funny or Die videos, which have a point and are usually actually funny, this Christmas video from Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore isn’t funny or even mildly amusing. In fact I just watched the whole Alvin and The Chipmunks movie with my kid and found that drivel easier to sit through than five minutes of this annoying video. This movie includes a lot of swearing that isn’t necessary or well placed, there’s a gratuitous sex scene with Ashton and Demi, and the entire plot, loosely based on the writer’s strike with a Christmas theme, makes no sense.

So Santa has to take a temp job when the elves strike, hits bottom after the death of frosty the snowman, writes a screenplay and then is on top again? It makes no sense and when you factor in Ashton’s obnoxious acting it’s just painful to sit through.

This is coming from the guy who brought us Punk’d, which had its moments, so you would expect him to be able to create a short clip for the web that’s worth the time it takes to watch it. This reminds us why the real writers need to get paid. Maybe that’s why Demi and Ashton made this video, to remind us that we’re in for months of completely worthless junk like this if the WGA doesn’t get a fair deal.

The Huffington Post had screenshots of the celebrity Christmas cards shown on “Live with Regis and Kelly” on Friday morning, and some are quite inventive and well designed.

Paul Reubens better known as Pee Wee Herman’s card shows the fallen kid’s star with his trademark raised eyebrows expression looking like he’s about to throw a snowball.

Courteney Cox and David Arquette’s card is bright pink on the outside with a big picture of their daughter Coco smiling and the words “Joy to the World.” The inside features a full page photo of Coco lounging on a Saint Bernard and says “And a peaceful New Year, love David, Courteney and Coco”

Tony Bennett’s card is of a winter scene the singer painted himself

Conan O’Brien’s Card has a close view of a cute cartoonish ornament of the talk show host hanging on a tree with other ornaments of the same style

Katie Holmes designed this simple bow-adorned Christmas card for the Cruise family. She was said to have had differently designed cards for friends, family and business associates and to have “kept her staff busy doing the shopping.” It sounds like she kept her staff busy making the cards too. (image and description from US Weekly)

Paris Hilton posed in what would look like a parody of herself if we didn’t know better. She wore a red wrap dress, posed in front of a cone-shaped tree with giant red velveteen bows, and clutched one of her chihuahuas, which was dressed in a little red Santa hoodie. (image found at CelebWarship)

Thank you so much for being a part of Celebitchy - for reading, commenting, and sticking around this year. It means a lot to us to have you visit and come back, and I know I learn something new from you every day.

At Celebitchy we strive to write articles that are thorough, insightful and funny, to read the comments as much as possible, and to listen to and respond to your feedback.

Writing a celebrity blog has its daily frustrations, but your great comments and the occasional huge celebrity scandal make it all worthwhile.

A special thanks to all our hard working friends who send you our way and come up with such excellent stories. We are constantly impressed by your work.

Here’s to a relaxing holiday and a wonderful 2008.

[Images from Photocase.de thanks to photographers Marnai and goldkatze.]

While you were enjoying your egg nog, Christmas cookies, and those excellent peanut butter chocolate ball things that only seem to appear around the holidays, Will Smith said something incredibly stupid that he quickly backtracked from. Smith’s comments were so taboo that they could lead to a career setback - he invoked the name of Hitler to make a philosophical point. Many news outlets are claiming that Smith is dismissing the atrocities that Hitler committed, and the Jewish Defense League called for theaters to stop showing Smith’s blockbuster film “I am Legend.” In a recent interview, Smith tried to make an asinine point that no one is essentially bad by using Hitler as an example and saying the mass murderer set out to do what he thought was “good,” using “twisted… logic.” When you read the next part of Smith’s statement, though, it’s quite clear where he’s getting these ideas and why he would be making such an outlandish claim. He went on to say that “Stuff like that just needs reprogramming.”

Remarkably, Will believes everyone is basically good.

“Even Hitler didn’t wake up going, ‘let me do the most evil thing I can do today’,” said Will. “I think he woke up in the morning and using a twisted, backwards logic, he set out to do what he thought was ‘good’. Stuff like that just needs reprogramming.”

[Daily Record via http://uk.news.yahoo.com/wenn/20071223/ten-smith-hitler-was-a-good-person-c60bd6d_1.html">We Smirch]

Smith isn’t saying that Hitler was good, but that he somehow thought what he was doing was good through his own faulty reasoning. Sociopaths feel little or no guilt over the very manipulative and cruel acts they are capable of committing, and it’s not like they feel they have to justify their behavior even to themselves, so good and bad don’t enter into the equation for them. They just don’t care about other people or feel more than superficially expressed remorse.

Smith is making an argument that Hitler could have been cured through “reprogramming,” an essential component of the Scientology cult, which maintains that their own methods can cure all problems and that psychological disorders should not be treated with medication. Let’s hope that he got the stupid idea directly from his good buddy Tom Cruise and that he’s not personally going through Scientology training, but there may be no hope for him now.

This is the guy who was so excited over butt wipes and bidets that he had to personally spread the word, so he’s quite easily impressed and has the need to let everyone know about it. Just like his claim that Scientology is 97% similar to the bible, he has issued a follow-up statement in an attempt to do damage control. At first I was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt that it maybe wasn’t an original interview and that someone either put words in his mouth or re-worked an older statement, but no, he really said this, and just said it was “misinterpreted.” He’s probably referring to the writer’s benign editorial comment that Smith “believes everyone is basically good.”

“It is an awful and disgusting lie,” Smith said in a statement. “It speaks to the dangerous power of an ignorant person with a pen. I am incensed and infuriated to have to respond to such ludicrous misinterpretation.”

“Adolf Hitler was a vile, heinous vicious killer responsible for one of the greatest acts of evil committed on this planet.”

[From DailySnack.com via Fark]

It took Tom Cruise a long time to recover after he told Matt Lauer that postpartum depression should not be treated with medication, and that it could be cured with vitamins. Smith should realize that he should keep all his newfound “knowledge” to himself or it will cost him millions in future revenue. There’s a reason why the rest of the population doesn’t agree with that belief system.

Here are Tom Cruise and Will Smith at the “I am Legend” premiere in NY on 12/11/07, thanks to PRPhotos.

Jessica Simpson’s new movie “Blonde Ambition” opened this past weekend, but if you missed it don’t worry. After a grossing less than $2,000 its opening weekend in limited release, the movie that co-stars Luke Wilson is slated for a DVD release at the end of January, according to Cinematical. Slashfilm is reporting that the film’s opening on Friday saw 48 paying customers for a gross of around $350.

Simpson’s film opened regionally around Texas but was not expected for any wider release. Slashfilm notes Simpson’s popularity in Texas has been waning because her new boyfriend, Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo, has been playing terribly since he started dating the “Dukes of Hazzard” starlet. The quarterback’s blow-full performance has made Simpson persona-non-grata around Texas Stadium, perhaps contributing to the movie’s record-breaking poor performance.

Although Simpson’s first major role, as Daisy Duke in “The Dukes of Hazzard” was a mild box-office success, 2006’s “Employee of the Month” was a certified bomb. Cinematical is also reporting that the buzz on “Blonde Ambition” was so poor, studio execs considered a straight-to-DVD release, a decision they no doubtedly regret not making.

Story via DListed.

Looking back at a wonderful 2007 holiday season, Celebitchy would like to share our celebrity gift list. While some say that gift-giving is impossible for those that seem to have it all, we compiled the best gift choices for your favorite celebrities. We know Christmas was yesterday but hey, there’s still Kwanza and Boxing day to think about!

Britney Spears - Dr. Spock’s Baby and Child Care : 8th Edition
Lindsay Lohan - Six Pack of O’Douls
Amy Winehouse - Fruitcake (with metal file baked inside)
Owen Wilson - Excedrin
Yung Joc – NRA Membership
Shaquille O’Neal - economy sized Geritol
Nicolas Cage - A believable script
Will Smith - A history book
Toby Keith - The courage to come out and chase that rainbow
Nick Hogan - Driving Lessons
Angelina Jolie - an unplanned pregnancy (not hers)
Paris Hilton - Boxer Shorts
K-Fed – “Father Knows Best” on DVD
Jamie Lynn Spears - Trojan multi-pack (mailed to last year)
Marylin Manson - Michael Jackson’s “Moonwalker” (a cautionary tale)
Tony Parker – A paid-up-front , untraceable Cell Phone
Jon Bon Jovi - A rhyming dictionary
Jennifer Love Hewitt – a one-piece swimsuit
Cristina Ricci- McDonald’s gift card
Jessica Simpson – A DVD player and map to Wal-Mart (so she can attend her next premiere)
Chuck Norris – a sense of humor and/or a kick in the nuts
Seth Green – A day off
Michelle Rodriguez - A carton of smokes
David Beckham - Bigger underpants
Kiefer Sutherland – PS3 with Grand Turismo and a bottle of scotch

Picture note by Celebitchy: Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are shown out biking in New Orleans with all their kids on 12/21/07. Lohan is shown on 12/21/07 out shopping. Paris Hilton and Swedish pizza boy Alex Vaggo are shown out to dinner and shopping on 12/22/07. Thanks to Splash News. Gift stack from Chiasso.com, where I’ve found plenty of good presents for friends and relatives.

Britney had an event-filled few days leading up to Christmas in which she gave us a public lesson on typical bipolar and/or drug addict behavior. You’ve probably heard by now that she decided to pick her next lover from among the paparazzi that swarm around her constantly, and settled on a British guy named Adnan. OK! Magazine has the blow-by-blow, so to speak.

The handsome photographer wasn’t around when Britney decided she wanted to shack up with him on Saturday, so she asked his co-worker to summon him for her. Adnan showed up and hung out with her in the car as they drove around aimlessly for an hour. At one point she got out to take a photo of a mural and then freaked out swearing at photographers for taking pictures of her, throwing her camera on the ground. When one of them retrieved the memory card for her she was all sweetness and light, saying “I love you guys… it’s not like me to get mad at you.”

Britney visited several public restrooms that night, which seems to be evidence of some kind of UTI or drug use. My vote is on drug use since she was seen covering her face and nose. She also changed outfits three times.

Adnan and Britney went to her house, but they didn’t stay there because she told him it was too dirty. He then went to the Pennisula hotel with Britney and came out of the room an hour later to buy cigarettes. He told photographers who quizzed him on what was going on that “It’s hard to make babies when you’re just having lunch.” It was night time at that point, so he must not have meant it literally.

After buying some smokes the guy went back up to the hotel with Britney and left Sunday morning at 10:30 am. He then went to her house, and OK! notes that her kids were scheduled for a visit later that day.

So Britney shacked up with a photographer. She doesn’t really have a lot of suitors to chose from at this point. It seems inevitable that she picked one of the guys who is around her constantly, especially since that restaurant manager didn’t work out.

There’s also a story in this week’s National Enquirer that Britney wasn’t just barred from the Four Seasons - she was personally escorted out by security when she didn’t pack up quick enough:

[Britney] raised so much hell at swanky Four Seasons hotel in BevHills she was summarily ejected from her Presidential Suite and escorted off the posh premises by security guards! Sources say Britney, who’d practically taken up residency at the legendary inn, had been warned repeatedly by management that a Hollywood bigshot in the suite directly below hers - a longtime resident who pays a million bucks-plus per year - was complaining about nighttime parties, loud music and drunken hoochie-momma’s screaming from Brit’s balcony to people below! After visits by security failed to silence Swamp Thang and her brain-fried menagerie, Mr. Angry VIP phoned the hotel manager and threatened to move out. Fed up, the manager phoned Britney and ordered her to vacate the premises immediately. Incredibly, the furious brat refused at first. Snapped the manager: “I’m sending security up NOW! Pack your bags and leave, please.” Finally bowing to the inevitable, Britney packed up and was escorted down the street and out the exit by security.

[From The National Enquirer, print edition, Mike Walker's column, December 31, 2007]

It seems as if Britney tried to return on another night, because outlets were reporting that she was turned away from the Four Seasons and barred from future visits.

And there’s a story that experts feel Britney is at risk for suicide. They probably got the idea from Perez Hilton, who said on The View when asked if he felt guilty for reporting so negatively about celebrities that “If Britney committed suicide tomorrow and died, she would be the only one to blame I think.”

Page Six quoted an “addiction expert” as saying that “[Britney's] going to eventually lose it altogether if she doesn’t get the help she needs.” The expert also says that Britney is seeking attention after her sister got pregnant, taking the focus away from her erratic behavior and calling for even more drastic measures.

Hang in there Britney, all you need to do is start hanging out with your sister again once she starts showing and you’ll get plenty of publicity.

Britney could also take the Paris Hilton route to mass media exposure - she could go to jail. OK! Magazine reports that if Britney misses another deposition in her custody case with K-Fed she could be sent to jail for contempt of court.

Britney is shown out without a bra with her paparazzo hook up this weekend, thanks to WENN.

On Sunday Katherine Heigl, 29, married Josh Kelley, 27, her boyfriend of two and a half years. The pair met on a video shoot for Kelley’s song, “Only You,” and Kelley proposed about a year later. Several of Katherine’s “Grey’s Anatomy” costars were on hand to witness the event, including Justin Chambers, Kate Walsh, Sandra Oh, and T.R. Knight, who served as a groomsman. Despite the December 23rd date, the wedding was held outside in chilly Deer Valley, Utah. The ceremony took place under a heated tent.

“The 30-minute ceremony was officiated by Unitarian minister Tom Goldsmith and was followed by a reception nearby. Heigl wore an Oscar de la Renta gown and walked the aisle to a song specially composed by Kelley, according to OK! magazine, which was granted exclusive coverage of the nuptials. Knight told People magazine afterward that the occasion was both “incredible and beautiful.”

While Heigl had been feeling the pressure that comes with handling all those last-minute wedding details, even imploring an E! News reporter at one point to help “fix my seating chart,” the ceremony seemingly went off without a hitch. “You have a fantasy of this big day, this big moment and the sentimental aspect of it,” the bride-to-be told Entertainment Tonight last week, “but I think at the end of the day, I find there is a different level for both of us to the relationship. It is important to honor our families and honor the tradition, to stand up in front of all of these people and say, ‘It’s you and me, and that’s it for life.’ I hope I can just chill out—somebody might need to slap me!”

[From E! News]

Gray’s costar Patrick Dempsey had previously told several news outlets that he wouldn’t be attending Katherine’s wedding, since he wanted to spend Christmas with his children. I think it’s in slightly poor taste to hold your destination wedding two days before Christmas. It’s kind of insinuating to the guests that your wedding is more important than them spending Christmas with their families – or best case scenario, that they should completely alter their holiday plans for you. Many weddings take place during December. It’s a great way to take advantage of already existing nice holiday décor that you don’t have to pay for – though I doubt that was Katherine’s motivation. But you can do it earlier in the month. Having guests choose between their own holiday plans and your wedding seems a little inconsiderate to me. I am shockingly uptight about wedding etiquette. And also a little uncomfortable and grumpy from a large Christmas meal. So between the two, poor Katherine Heigl didn’t stand a chance today. Katherine, hold your next wedding before December 20th, okay? I mean, congratulations to the happy couple.

Picture note by Celebitchy: Katherine Heigl and Josh Kelley are shown at the Knocked Up premiere on 5/22/07, thanks to PRPhotos.

In the last two or three years it’s become apparent that a DUI is the new… crap, what did washed up, former D-list celebrities do to get attention before the DUI craze? I really do think it’s a craze. There’s no way so many celebs have just suddenly started “accidentally” drinking too much and getting behind the wheel. If anyone can afford a cab… or a driver… it’s these morons we keep reading about. Apparently former child stars you barely remember are hopping on the bandwagon. “Boy Meets World” star Danielle Fishel, aka Topanga, got arrested on a DUI warrant last Thursday.

Danielle Fishel, the erstwhile tween costar of ABC’s Boy Meets World, was picked up last week in Orange County for a warrant in a drunken-driving case. The 26-year-old actress, an O.C. native, was pulled over shortly before 5 a.m. Thursday morning in Newport Beach for a warrant that had been issued in Los Angeles. “It was a pretty simple arrest,” Sgt. Randy Querry of the Newport Beach Police Department told the local Daily Pilot newspaper, adding that Fishel was not drunk at the time of her arrest.

She was booked into the Newport Beach jail and released several hours later. No further details of the warrant or original drunken-driving case were immediately available.

[From E! News]

Aside from “Boy Meets World,” Fishel is most known for “secretly” dating Lance Bass when he was in Nsync. I say “secretly” because the band members weren’t allowed to officially have girlfriends, lest they drive their teenage fans away. I’m guessing Lance might have had a few reasons of his own for keeping the relationship under wraps. I’m not sure if Danielle Fishel just didn’t know Lance was gay or if she made him gay. And if this led her to drink 0is also a matter of speculation. Just kidding, just kidding, don’t yell. I love it when washed up stars do bad things. Next up: Tiffany Brissette, the actress who played the little robot girl in “Small Wonder.” You know being mistaken for a robot must have left her with some serious issues.

Picture note by Celebitchy: Danielle Fishel is shown in the header at Randy Jones from The Village People’s birthday party on 9/8/07, and with her ex Lance Bass at the one year anniversary of club Tenjune on 9/6/07, thanks to Splash News.

I don’t want to widely broadcast my naïveté, but I’m starting to be really impressed by Nicole Richie and Joel Madden. I have loudly proclaimed that she’s mean, immature, and likely incapable of any meaningful amount of change. And while I’m not ready to totally take that back yet, I have to say that Nicole (at least when combined with Joel) has consistently impressed me lately. I’m not sure if the two are employing an expert team of PR folk (and if so, give that team’s card to Britney Spears ASAP) or if Joel is just a really good person who wields a surprisingly large amount of influence of Richie. Perhaps he’s her much-needed Svengali. First they donated all of the presents from their baby shower to a local women’s clinic, then they served turkey dinners on Thanksgiving. Now the couple has thrown a Christmas party for L.A.-area homeless kids and their families. The two established a charity in their future baby’s honor called the Richie-Madden Children’s Foundation, and the party was their second big outreach (after donating the baby shower gifts) through the foundation.

More than 200 children and their family members enjoyed a “winter wonderland” on the Paramount Studios lot featuring teddy bears, cookies, cupcakes, face-painting, clowns, holiday music, Santa Claus and his elves. Children, selected from the L.A. homeless program Beyond Shelter, were able to choose from a teddy bear mountain of 500 “Cuddle Cub” stuffed bears.

“It was a no-brainer for us to pull this party together for them for the holidays,” Richie, who is pregnant with her first child, said.

“We want to do much more to address the homeless issue, especially where it puts children at risk. But for now, we can at least try to help them have a merry Christmas by giving them teddy bears and getting them fitted for shoes. That’s something we can do right now, today.”

[From US Weekly]

It might be PR spin. Probably. But it’s still really nice, so I’m going to assume it comes from a place of good. It’s not like it matters if Nicole has a good public image or anything. What’s the worst that could happen, it could hurt her career? What career? What does she do? She kind of half-ass participates in “The Simple Life” a few weeks a year, and that show isn’t based on her being a wholesome do-gooder. I’m guessing those maternal/pregnancy hormones have kicked in full-time. I wonder what her friends think of the “new” Nicole. Do you think Paris Hilton was by Nicole’s side, holding one of those metal foot measuring devices and plopping toddler’s feet on it, eyeballing for an exact fit? Well maybe if she could do it drunk. While getting paid to promote a product. Whatever the reasoning, it’s great to see a celebrity that started a charity and is actually doing something with it.

Picture note by Jaybird: Header of Joel and Nicole at the launch of the Richie-Madden Children’s Foundation at Los Angeles Free Clinic in Hollywood on December 3rd. Images thanks to WENN.