I think most of us go through a phase where we like to consider ourselves unusual, odd, or subversive. Generally this occurs during the teenage years, but it can last a little longer… or in some cases never go away. For this reason alone, Tim Burton and Helena Bonham Carter seem to be the perfect pair. There are a bunch of other quirky reasons, but most of them fall under the heading of “Personality quirks of people who never grew out of THAT phase.” Case in point: Bonham Carter says Burton decorates his Christmas tree with dead babies and slime balls. I assume Tim Burton and Marilyn Manson have the same interior designer.

The household of Tim Burton and Helena Bonham Carter is outfitted for Christmas – just not in the traditional manner. “He decorates it with dead babies and slime balls and things,” Carter, 41, tells Playboy magazine in its January issue, about trimming the tree with boyfriend (of six years) Burton, 49. “It looks lovely and glittery from afar, and then as you get closer, you realize it’s rather gory.”

Lest anyone get the wrong idea, Carter, who stars with Johnny Depp in Burton’s new movie musical Sweeney Todd, says, “We’re not that dark. What I love about Tim is that he retains a certain innocence and a childlike quality.

[From People]

Talk about looking at it through the eyes of love. It is sweet that Helena sees Burton’s eccentricities as adorable. And they’re certainly one of those couples that match and make a lot of sense together. Though lately the two have also looked perpetually terrified together. But at least it seems to be a shared emotion. The couple lives together, but not really together. They have separate houses that are attached. I have to say, once having lived with a boyfriend for two and a half years, I really can’t argue with that logic, in terms of maintaining long-term sanity. I joke, but hey, whatever works for you. They certainly seem happy together. Burton and Bonham Carter are expecting their second child in late December. Helena noted that they’re both unconventional parents. Shocking.

He sort of forgot to grow up. I think I’ve definitely forgotten to grow up, which is great.” Carter, who in 2003 gave birth to the couple’s son Billy Ray… adds with a laugh, “At some point, [Billy] will probably want parents. He’ll have to look elsewhere.”

[From People]

Well as long as you don’t drive with the baby in your lap or use the soft spot on their head as an ashtray (I stole that from a “Family Guy” parody of Britney Spears… but I’m pretty sure she has done that), I guess you’re a pretty good parent by celebrity standards. They’ll probably be fun and weird parents, and hopefully will figure out how to be not-so-fun regular parents when need be. Or they can just play with slime balls.

Picture note by Celebitchy: Tim Burton and Helena Bonham Carter are shown at the Harry Potter And The Order Of The Phoenix premiere on 7/3/07, thanks to PRPhotos.

Remember when Madonna changed her name to Esther so she could justify all the money she was blowing on that cult that bastardized Judaism? Now she’s said to want people to call her by her middle name, Louise. She’s feeling her age and is trying to invent a new identity for herself that pays homage to her slutty past:

An insider reveals that the singer born Maddona Louise Veronica Ciccone “has started telling us all to call her by her middle name” - after 25 years of being Madonna and then Esther, the Hebrew name she adopted when she began practicing Kabbalah. The latest moniker change “has to do with the fact that she’s having an age crisis,” the insider says about the star… “She says she wants to go back to her roots!” Madonna’s rep denies the story.

[From Star Magazine, print edition, December 10, 2007]

Madonna still has that second middle name, Veronica, so if she gets tired of plain old Louise she can switch it up again. Esther has a grandmotherly feel about it, and if Madonna got started having children a little earlier she could be having grandchildren now. She’s surely aware of that, and sounds keen to reinvent herself yet again. When your hands are getting all wrinkly like that a little plastic surgery and change of hairstyle are no longer going to cut it, and you have to pretend to be a whole new, younger person.

Madonna’s husband, beleaguered film director Guy Ritchie, has a new movie out called Revolver. His earlier films, Snatch and Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels were fun shoot-em-ups, but then he made that awful Swept Away movie with Madonna. Revolver is being trashed by critics who say it makes no sense and is mind-boggling to try and follow. Some say he’s trying to get too intellectual with it and fails miserably. It’s out in the US on December 7th.

Madonna is shown at the Revolver screening on 12/2/07, thanks to PRPhotos.

Recently engaged author and first daughter Jenna Bush is getting some flak from the Writer’s Guild for crossing picket lines to film a promotional appearance with Ellen DeGeneres. Bush Junior junior is still plugging her book “Ana’s Story: A Journey of Hope” about a young woman she met in Latin America who was born with HIV and got pregnant. Touching premise. **Cough cough ghostwriter cough cough** [JayBird looks around nervously]. Remember Jenna is the less-intelligent/harder-partying twin who couldn’t get into Yale even though her dad-the-current-president and her grandfather-the-former-president and twin sister all attended. I know Yale requires the absolute best of the best, but how bad must your grades be if they have to say, “I’m sorry Mr. President, we can only take one twin.” Alright I’m done with the Bush bashing. Jenna’s being called a scab for crossing the picket lines and going on “Ellen” yesterday (airing today). It was ironically pointed out that it’s the President’s job to prevent labor strife. Whoops.

Jenna actually filmed a pretty cute sounding interview. We, the naïve and trusting viewers, are meant to believe that Ellen talks Jenna into an unplanned phone call to her parents, live on the air. It comes off pretty well, which means there’s no way in hell W was surprised. That man can barely string three rudimentary words together with a Speak & Spell; there’s no way he could sound like a semi-normal human being when he’s “surprised” by his daughter calling from a TV show. But let’s play dumb and pretend to think it’s adorable.

Pleasantly prodding the First Daughter during a taping of her show… DeGeneres inquired if Bush could get her high-powered papa on the phone any time she wants. “I usually call him in the evening or in the morning, when I know they’ll both be at home,” said the 26-year-old. “Could you just pick up the phone like right now and call him?” wondered a wide-eyed Ellen. “Sure,” replies Bush. “He’s going to kill me, though.

DeGeneres, meanwhile, says that if Jenna’s parents don’t answer, she’ll get Jenna’s grandfather, former President George Herbert Walker Bush, on the phone, and observes: “We’re not barging in while they’re in their pajamas or something.” Once Bush gets through to First Lady Laura Bush, she says, “Hi, Mom.” Asking how the show is going, Mom says, “I’m not watching you because you’re taping right now.” She also tells her daughter, “I’m just sitting here with Daddy.”

Pipes up Ellen: “I wanted to say hi to Daddy.” And so, the President of the United States comes to the phone, and is told by his offspring, “This is the Ellen DeGeneres Show. Are You Mad?’

“Well, that’s great!” says the surprised Chief Executive, who asks DeGeneres, “How’s my little girl doing?” “Oh, she’s great,” answers the host. “She’s scared she’s going to get in trouble [and] not going to get any Christmas presents.” Pause. “Dad?” asks Jenna. “Yes, baby,” he replies. “Are you mad?” she inquires. “No, not at all,” says President Bush. “I’m excited to talk to you. I’m glad to talk to Ellen.”

[From People]

Yeah it made me feel annoyingly warm and fuzzy too. I’m hoping once it actually airs I’ll find that it’s trite, hackneyed, and cold. Or other negative adjectives. I feel like I’ve been duped, as to read it, it came off as mildly adorable. Now I feel cheap and used. Ahh, now that’s the feeling I’m used to from the Bushes.

Some people are just inherently classy, and there’s nothing you can do about it. You’ll say to them, “Hey, why don’t you relax, be a little more casual, you’re getting borderline uptight with all of your sophistication. Come mingle with the commoners.” Porn star/former California gubernatorial candidate Mary Carey is just such a lady. Not content with organizing a bake sale, Carey has decided to auction off her recently-removed 36-D implants and donate part of the money to the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation. The rest of the funds will go towards paying her mother’s medical bills. She jumped off a four-story building in 2006, and obviously suffered major injuries. She’s had 11 surgeries since then.

So far the bidding is at $210 with 44 bids. There’s a little over eight days left. The eBay listing notes:

Have a very “Mary” Christmas and win the best stocking stuffer of all time. Mary Carey… is giving holiday shoppers an opportunity to take home what could be the seasons’ best stocking stuffer - her recently removed breast implants.

“Now that I’m sober, I wanted a new physical state to go along with my new mental state,” said Carey. “I thought the auction would be a great way to spread some holiday cheer and to make sure someone out there has a Mary Mary Christmas.”

[From eBay]

Mary is one of the participants on VH1’s upcoming “Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew. “ VH1 hasn’t said what addictions each of the participants is dealing with. But apparently the breast implants have to do with her sobriety… and her mother… Carey gives a rather convoluted reason that I could interpret several ways, if I wanted to sit around and try to get into her head.

“I’m actually overall very anti-plastic surgery,” Carey said. “I watched my mom go through 11 surgeries (for her injuries) and it’s like, for me to voluntarily put myself through that, the only right thing to do is make money and donate it to charity.” Carey said the size 36-D implants were taken out two weeks ago and replaced with larger 36-DDDs and while under anesthesia she realized they could be used to raise money for breast cancer research. “The doctors asked me what I wanted to do with them and I said, ‘You know what, I’m going to keep them and try to sell them. Because my grandmother had breast cancer,” Carey told Reuters in an interview. “Now that I’m sober, I wanted a new physical state to go along with my new mental state. I thought the auction would be a great way to spread some holiday cheer and to make sure someone out there has a Mary Mary Christmas.”

[From Gossip Boulevard]

Oh my. I don’t know what I can add to that. I guess it’s a good thing that maybe her heart is in the right place? Probably? Considering the whole situation with her mother, I really don’t feel like I should be making jokes. So I’m just trying to present the statements Mary has given, with as little commentary as possible. Wikipedia notes that Mary’s mother has Fetal alcohol syndrome, and IMDB says she’s also been diagnosed with schizophrenia. Mary’s father has s cerebral palsy. Her grandparents got custody of her when she was three months old and later adopted her. Eventually her mother came to live with them as well. I have no idea to what extent porn stars are honest about their pasts and what’s invented, but the general story on the internet is that Mary’s grandparents put her in dance classes, in which she excelled and performed with the Miami City Ballet when she was 12. She won several dance scholarships, and ended up at Florida State University’s dance team. Her grandparents both got sick and she started working as a stripper, and then a porn star, to support the family. Depending on its accuracy, it’s an interesting and sad story. Never thought I’d say this, but it makes me hope Mary Carey’s implants fetch a lot of money. Bid away, readers.

Tara Reid Is Overpriced [Dlisted]
A lovely Beyonce Crotch Shot to help you get your lunch down… or back up, depending on your predilections. [Bossip]
We may be seeing a lot more of Daniel Craig [Celebslam]
Is It Just Me, or Is It Gay in Here? John Travolta with Jodie Foster[Yeeeah!]
John Stamos At The Paley Center For Media [I’m Not Obsessed]
Maria Sharapova Went to the Celtics/Heat Game Last Friday [The Bastardly]
Could Nick & Vanessa get anymore boring? No. [In Case You Didn’t Know]
I still have no idea who Gemma Atkinson is, but I know she only owns bikinis (Site NSFW) [Drunken Stepfather]
Lindsay Lohan Gets Around More Than Paris. Debatable [Hollywood Rag]
Brad Pitt denies affair with Angelina Jolie while on the set [Seriously? OMG! WTF?]
There Ain’t No Party Like A McConaughey Party [Agent Bedhead]
Vanessa wants Zac to stop being a sissy [The Blemish]
Dave Chapelle Returns! [CityRag]
Mel B: Insecure Much? [Crazy Days and Nights]
Ryan Phillippe Resurfaces With Abbie Cornish [Popsugar]
Tara Reid Washing Her Fake Breasts. By her expression, I can tell they’re upsetting her [The Grumpiest]
Ignore Johnny Depp’s Singing and Focus on Helena Bonham Carter’s Magically Growing Breasts. [CelebNewsWire]
Cher and her daughter Chasity Bono in Hollywood [Gabsmash]
Lindsay Lohan Lands a Paying Gig [CelebWarship]
More Heather Mills porn photos (NSFVWEL) [That’s Not Suitable For Viewing While Eating Lunch]. You’ve been warned. [I Don’t Like You In That Way]
What Pete Doherty Could Have Been [Glitterati Gossip]
Finally a photo of pregnant Halle Berry looking like most pregnant women [Celebrity Baby Scoop]
Is Jennifer Aniston spending Christmas with the Pitts? [Popbytes]
Harrison Ford, Trolling the Puzzle Store [A Socialite’s Life]
Jonathan Rhys Meyers is Off the Hook [Just Jared]
Cindy Crawford Bikini Pictures Show… Dun! Dun! Dun! CELLULITE!!! So she’s a regular woman over 40. Good for her [Egotastic!]
Big funeral planned for Evel Knievel [Lifeline Live]
The differences between the real Nicole Kidman and the wax Nicole Kidman are startlingly sparse [Best Week Ever]

Kylie Minogue’s image is everywhere lately - on her latest album, her newest perfume, on a strip club window…

Nope, Kylie isn’t branching out into strip joints as the latest part of her empire, but it seems that her wet t-shirt clad figure might be gracing the front window of a New Zealand strip joint. Apparently Kylie only approves of her sexy pictures being used to sell music, not sex, and her lawyers want the image removed. Club owner Garth Rosson isn’t convinced that the image is even Kylie.

He said his designer downloaded the image from an internet site three months ago and used it for a window poster.

It was not labelled as a photograph of Minogue and he said he could not see the resemblance.

“I’m not convinced, eh? What would a nice girl like Kylie be doing in a wet top like that?”

Sheridans’ letter, dated November 22, said Minogue had decided the club should be given three working days to remove the offending poster.

There would be no further action if this was done

The Age

The poster has been removed temporarily, but unless Kylie’s lawyers can prove it is her it will go back up.

It seems a little strange that Kylie is happy to sell her music with a picture of herself in a wet, white t-shirt on what seems to be a cold day, but doesn’t want that picture used inappropriately. Don’t you at least suspect what young boys are doing with your images behind closed doors?

It is very hard to tell if it is in fact Kylie in the picture, she’s had that many image changes through her career it’s hard to remember them all. I think this picture is before her infamous gold hot pants appeared, because ever since then she’s been very butt focused.

Either Ryan finally accepted the Reese and Jake relationship or he’s using the jealousy tactic. Ryan eand rumored mistress Abbie Cornish were spotted and photographed kissing and embracing. Ryan is normally fiercely private about his personal life, but failed to hide his recent reunited love.

Ryan Phillippe was spotted getting cozy with ex-wife look alike/co-star, Abbie Cornish. The blonde actress was famously known as the reason one of our favorite celebrity couples split. They have laid low for a long time, but clearly there is still something going on with Ryan and Abbie.

[Popsugar]

If you remember accurately… Abbie was the rumored mistress that tore Reese and Ryan apart. He and Abbie had several romantic interludes while filming “Stop Loss” together. They were reportedly spotted making out in a sushi restaurant by several witnesses. After some photographic evidence surfaced of the affair, Reese reportedly confronted Ryan who then admitted to the extramarital activities thus causing the divorce.

It was also just a few weeks ago that he told “Man About Town” that he was ready kill himself over the divorce. Apparently he is over the temptation of suicide thanks to the help of “the other woman.” Abbie and Ava, Reese and Ryan’s daughter, were also photographed shopping for a Christmas wreath together sans Phillippe.

Those poor kids. They are the real victims in all this. Somewhere out there a family therapist is strumming his fingers in anticipation of the hours of therapy this will require. I just hope that Reese is being comforted in the shirtless embrace of Jake.

Note by Celebitchy: Popsugar has the photos of Ryan and Abbie. Header image is of Ryan at the Edinburgh film festival on 8/23/07, thanks to WENN.

Every so often some interview will come out where a celebrity really over shared. Sometimes it’s their own personality quirk, and sometimes it’s because they had a very cunning interviewer. With singer Chris Brown, I’m going to have to say it was the former. The 18 year old gave a very revealing interview to Blender. And by revealing, I don’t mean insightful. I mean revealing too damn much. And seeing that I found it to be kind of odd and over personal, I’m going to share it with all of you too, in the hopes that you’re intrigued by people saying things they shouldn’t, just like I am.

The “Run It!” singer sat down with Blender and answered a series of questions. On the one hand, you have to blame the interviewer for asking in the first place. On the other hand… Chris answered.

What did your 10th-grade report card say?
A’s, A’s, A’s. Straight A’s, all through kindergarten, elementary school, middle school …

Have you ever been arrested?
Yeah, but it’s not on my record. I got arrested for fleeing from the police on a little minibike. When I was living in New York, my homeboys wanted to ride through the park. The police caught us, but all they did was take the bikes from us, so we didn’t get in trouble.

But you’re only 18. What vices do you have?
Basketball, my music and women.

What personal habit do you have that other people find annoying?
I like picking the nails off my toes.

What do you look like naked?
Pretty damn good.

What do you refuse to eat?
Chitlins. My grandma used to cook them, and she’d be like, “These are good, boy!” I never would eat them. They smelled like feces.

Underwear or commando?
Underwear. I wear a new pair of drawers every day. I won’t wash my drawers and put ’em back on. I just throw them away.

If we talked to an ex-girlfriend, what would she say about you?
That she fucked up!

[From Blender]

Yeah I was impressed too. Chris Brown strikes me as a very young 18 year old, in terms of emotional maturity. Or like he’s trying to answer in the way he thinks a guy in hip hop would/should. His responses are all a bit too stereotypical. Women/sex/sports. Though that could also be attributed to being 18. Chris elaborated on his underwear policy to Starpulse, noting, “He says, “I’m not a germophobe, but I don’t feel like washing them ‘cos I’m always moving, so I buy different packs. I buy like five or six packs… and I’m good for, like, a week and (then) I gotta get a whole lot of new drawers.” Alright. Well we all have our thing. That one might be particularly wasteful… I mean assuming Chris keeps up the underwear habit for… let’s say 10 years, before someone talks him out of it. That’s 3,650 pairs of underwear, more or less. You know how you hear those stories of wealthy musicians who blew all their millions and can’t seem to account for it? I think I just figured out where it’s really going.

Picture note by Celebitchy: Chris Brown is shown in various “aw shucks” poses at Movies Rock on 12/2/07, thanks to PRPhotos.

Kiefer Sutherland won’t be getting any breaks on his prison time. Though it was originally thought that he wouldn’t actually serve many hours on his 48 day sentence for DUI and probation violation, it turns out that he will do every single day. It was believed Kiefer, 40, would get time off five days a week to go to work, and have to report to jail for the evenings and weekends. Yeah, doesn’t that sound nice. If everyone got that, I think 95% of the population would recklessly commit crimes. You get to go to work, save your cash, and flop down on a free (albeit concrete) bed with a complimentary dinner every night. Yeah it’s not plus, but think about it – every dollar you earn would be pure profit. Apparently realizing that getting to go to work on a catered television set with your own private trailer wasn’t much of a punishment, Judge Stuart M. Rice sentenced Sutherland to the full 49 days in the Glendale City Jail along with five years probation, and six months of weekly therapy, and the mandatory completion of an 18-month alcohol education program. Kiefer cannot earn time off for good behavior or work release.

“Mr. Sutherland is very polite and humble. He was very cooperative during the booking process,” said jail spokesman Officer John Balian. “He will be issued an orange jumpsuit, and will be housed alone in a cell, since he’ll be a long-term inmate.” Sutherland will be assigned to laundry and kitchen duty, serving breakfast, lunch and dinner to the other inmates. As an inmate worker, he’ll be allowed the roam the jail “about 75 percent of the time” – rather than be confined to his cell all day – though the only time he’ll be in contact with other inmates is when he’s serving food, said Balian.

Sutherland previously released a statement saying, “I’m very disappointed in myself for the poor judgment I exhibited recently, and I’m deeply sorry for the disappointment and distress this has caused my family, friends and co-workers on 24 and at 20th Century Fox. I appreciate the support and concern that has been extended to me these last weeks both personally and professionally.”

[From People]

Kiefer’s new residence won’t be nearly as nice as his plush mansion. His trailer, relatively Spartan when compared to his home, is absolutely luxurious compared to his cell, which measures 8 by 10 feet. It has a toilet, water fountain, and a sink. He’ll get two hot meals a day and one cold – generally a cereal breakfast. Like Paris Hilton and all the Hollywood socialites before him, he’ll get a simple diet of turkey and bologna sandwiches supplemented with the occasional macaroni, meatloaf, and chicken.

Kiefer seems to be a pretty hard-living kind of guy, so I’m reluctant to give him the old “Hopefully this will turn him around” treatment. But you never know. He’ll either realize nothing’s worth bologna, or start to get used to it.

Picture note by Celebitchy: Header image is Keifer’s booking photo, thanks to Splash News.

Today seems to be the day for drunken celebrities. Okay that’s not fair. Everyday is the day for drunken celebrities. But today seems to be the day for drunken celebrities with DUIs who are sentenced to alcohol education programs. That narrows the field down by at least 20 percent. Multiple DUI and drug user/possessor Nicole Richie was temporarily excused from her court-ordered anti-drinking program since she’s eight months pregnant. She was given a standard medical leave. Something tells me it wasn’t good for the baby to hear the words “drunk off my ass” “high off my ass” and “I was so wasted I fell on my ass” over and over again at such a critical stage of development. I have an image of Nicole’s baby in the womb holding a bottle of Heineken instead of milk. Wait do babies drink milk in the womb? They must, otherwise they’d starve, and it’s way cuter to pretend they do. Not so cute to pretend it’s drinking a brewski, but let’s be honest, kids emulate what they hear. So it was probably best Nicole go home and relax until she can leave the kid with a sitter.

Mom-to-be Nicole Richie has been granted a leave of absence from her court-mandated anti-drinking program, her rep confirms to People. The program suggested the Simple Life star take a leave because they were worried for her safety, according to her rep. “They offer that option to anyone with a medical condition of any kind,” the rep says. “She is not receiving special treatment.”

Richie, 26, who is eight months pregnant, must complete the 18-month program as part of her plea deal in her second DUI conviction. She was sentenced in July to four days in jail, fined $2,048, and required to sign up for the program. (In August, Richie served just 82 minutes at the Lynwood Jail, where pal Paris Hilton did her time.)

The alcohol-education course consists of 52 hours of group counseling, bi-weekly face-to-face interviews and 12 hours of alcohol education. Participants are also encouraged to attend 12-step meetings.

[From People]

Do you remember when your mom or dad would drag you on “adult” errands when you were a kid? You’d sit there, bored off your ass with a bunch of Cheerios to play with. And even as a kid, you knew that was kinda lame. I mean at least give me Fruit Loops, something with a little variety and color. Stimulate my developing cerebral cortex here. Now can you imagine instead of the local craft supply store, you’re sitting in on your mom’s bi-weekly face-to-face alcohol interview? Awesome. Hey if nothing else, it’s probably interesting enough that you don’t care about your damn Cheerios anymore.

Picture note by Celebitchy: Nicole Richie and Joel Madden are shown at the launch of The Richie-Madden Children’s Foundation at Los Angeles Free Clinic on 12/3/07, thanks to WENN.