Anyone who reads Celebitchy with a bit of regularity knows that we’re not exactly the biggest Tom Cruise fans. Though to be fair, it appears that not much of the internet really is anymore. What with the crazy rants and such. But he is known for doing kind things. Star has a story this week about how Tom rescued an injured hawk. I know, makes you imagine him shimmying up an evergreen or something right? Not the most pleasant image. But Tom went about his rescue in good old Hollywood fashion - he sent a jet.

As evidence by his recent Scientology video making the rounds on the Internet, Tom Cruise feels an obligation to help out whenever possible - even if it’s an injured bird. “Tom has a big heart,” said a friend. “Recently, when he was told about an endangered hawk that was struck by a car in Phoenix, he immediately jumped into action and had his private jet pick it up and fly it to a hawk sanctuary in Colorado, where it could get treatment. Thanks to the quick action by Tom, the bird of prey was healed and is going to be released back into the wild.”

[From Star, Feb. 11th 2008, print edition]

So although this story seems ridiculous and over the top, Tom Cruise himself is ridiculous and over the top, so it didn’t seem out of the realm of possibility. I started writing this article with the intent to reference a few other of Tom’s random good deeds and rescues that I’ve heard about over the years. And when I read them, I started to realize how ridiculous they all are, when looked at in total. And then I found this article from Page Six that questions all of Tom’s wacky heroism. Here’s a few examples:

2003: while filming “The Last Samurai” in New Zealand, Cruise supposedly helped a local family change a flat tire on a country road and assisted a young girl in catching her runaway horse. He also donated $3,800 to a local school that needed a “sun shelter.”

1998: Cruise rushed to the defense of a woman being mugged on a London street and stopped thieves from making off with more than $150,000 in jewelry.

1996: he summoned an ambulance to help an aspiring actress who was the victim of a hit-and-run, then paid her $7,000 emergency room bill. That same year, Cruise was said to have pulled two young boys to safety after they were almost crushed in a mob of out-of-control fans at the London premiere of “Mission: Impossible.”

1993: While he and then-wife Nicole Kidman were vacationing on a 210-foot yacht in Capri in 1993, they were reported to have come to the aid of a family whose yacht had caught on fire. Cruise and Kidman allegedly rescued the family from their life raft and took them aboard their luxury yacht until help arrived.

[From Page Six]

It does seem a little… unusual… when viewed as a whole. I don’t know, maybe all celebrities fend off criminals and rescue run away horses, and they just keep quiet about it. But when you look at a list of Tom’s do-goodery, it makes you think that something fishy is afoot. While I really do hope he saved a poor hawk by sending his private jet (because I’m sure there’s no more logical way to transport an injured bird than by Tom Cruise’s jet), Tom’s starting to reach urban legend status.

I will admit that I have bashed Nicole Richie. On several occasions. On “The Simple Life” I’ve seen her act in ways that I’ve considered downright rude and never amusing, mostly to kids. So the thought of her having her own kid to taunt seemed like a pretty bad idea to me. However her fiancé Joel Madden seems to have been a good influence on her. They started a joint children’s charity, for which they’ve been really active in just the six months its been around. Now according to a little blurb in Star, Richie was incredibly gracious to both the staff and other patients at the hospital where she recently gave birth to daughter Harlow.

There’s no doubt about it - nine out of 10 hospital nurses prefer Nicole Richie to Christina Aguilera! Both starlets had their babies at L.A.’s Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in January, but only one of them made friends. “Nicole was a big hit with the nurses and the other women giving birth,” says a source. “She bought six other mothers having babies the same day ‘push gifts,’ including gift certificates to Target, teddy bears, balloons and a card wishing them luck. She also had all of the nurses in stitches with her wry humor” Meanwhile, Christina was not so nice, says the source. “The nurses were happy to see her go!”

[From Star, Feb. 11th 2008, print edition]

Somehow I would have expected the reverse to be true. Christina has the reputation of being a bit of a diva, and Nicole a bit of a bitch. But somehow I would have expected Christina to have been the classier of the two. Though to be fair, if I ever have to push a human being out of my body, I fully intend on being a raging bitch. Nicole has either really turned a new leaf or she’s at least hired an incredible publicist. I’ve heard almost nothing but good things about her in the last six months. Let’s hope she keeps it up and is a great mom.

Thanks to BuzzFoto for the header image.

Lynne Spears has really outdone herself. She got a lot of the blame for Britney being so messed up, and for a long time I thought that seemed unfair. But when you’ve got one daughter who’s gone into rehab three times in a little over a year, is on her second lockup in psych ward in two months AND a knocked up sixteen year old, you’re not exactly looking like a flawless parent. But for some reason I still can’t put my finger on, I really don’t think she’s the worst celeb parent out there. She’s not trying to look like she’s 25, nor does she go out clubbing and drugging, a la Dina Lohan. When you hear some of the other celeb mothers talk, you can’t help but notice how incredibly dumb they are. I don’t just mean in their choices, I mean that they are completely lacking intellect. Lynne Spears is nothing special, but she seems to be relatively intelligent, and likely in way over her head. Britney’s level of psychosis is far beyond what the average parent is equipped to deal with, at least without some help. And it’s important to remember that if nothing else, Britney is an adult. She has a ton of money and power. Lynne Spears is no longer in a situation where she can force Britney to get help. I’m not saying she’s a saint, I’m just saying her hands are probably a bit tied.

Luckily Britney is finally in a mental hospital again. I’d lock her up just for doing that asinine British accent. Whenever I see tapes of her being a moron and speaking that way, I really want to put her in a prison isolation cell. It’s incredibly annoying and stupid, and I’ve lost all sympathy for the wreck. She’s just fallen so far that it’s all she has left to get attention. Before Britney was hospitalized this morning, Lynne gave an interview to Life & Style, in which she said she was doing her best for her daughters.

“Britney’s on my mind day and night. She never leaves my thoughts.” Nor does Jamie Lynn, who’s 16 and nearly five months pregnant. “Jamie Lynn’s my baby,” Lynne confided. “I’m doing my best. I’m doing as well as can be expected.”
“I love Britney dearly,” Lynne tells Life & Style. “I want nothing more than to protect her and make everything all right for her.” Told that people still believe she’s a good mother, Lynne managed a smile and replied, “Thank you. That means a lot right now with everything that’s happening.”

[From Life & Style, Feb. 11, 2008, print edition]

I’m not saying Lynne Spears is a perfect mom or even a good mom, but I don’t think she’s nearly as evil as people like to portray her. What it all comes down to is that no one really knows. Not even friends and family of the Spears can really say, because everyone’s still a little biased, if by nothing else than what Lynne says about herself and her kids and what her kids say about her. Really the only people that can know if she did right by her children are Lynne and Britney, Jamie Lynn, and their older brother Brian. The rest of us are just speculating. And while a lot of blame is often piled onto Lynne, no one ever seems to ask where Britney’s father Jamie is. He was just as responsible for raising his kids properly as Lynne. Though they recently divorced, they were married for all of Britney’s formative years. If people are calling Lynne out for the way Britney was sexualized and objectified early on, then the same applies to Jamie Spears.

Picture Note by JayBird: Header of Jamie Lynn and Lynne Spears L.A.X. on 10.6.07

Janet Jackson’s promo shots for her new album ‘Discipline.’ Thank goodness for airbrushing [Bossip]
Billy Bush Goes After Mary Hart for airing the old Heath Ledger drug video [Dlisted]
Britney takes 10 laxatives a day [Celebslam]
Paris Hilton And Elisha Cuthbert Make Out [Yeeeah!]
Dita Von Teese In Austria [I’m Not Obsessed]
What Did Haylie Duff & Her Nose Eat & Katsuya Restaurant? [The Bastardly]
Paris Hilton arriving at LAX last night. [In Case You Didn’t Know]
Sophie Monk Jogging (Site NSFW) [Drunken Stepfather]
Most Cuddly Celebrities - Matthew McConaughey is of course number one [Hollywood Rag]
OMG it is Michael Jackson’s kids faces!! I didn’t know they had any [Seriously? OMG! WTF?]
Ryan Seacrest has been named one of the year’s sexiest men by Victoria’s Secret [Agent Bedhead]
Ellen Pompeo doesn’t care [The Blemish]
Stalker or Fan? [Cityrag]
South Korean actress Ok So-Ri was indicted this month for cheating on her producer husband back in 2006 [Crazy Days and Nights]
Eva Longoria Approves of Jessica Alba’s No-Brainer Baby [Popsugar]
Avril Lavigne Bikini Pictures [The Grumpiest]
Ellen Pompeo and Circumstits [CelebNewsWire]
Britney’s Legal Team Ordered Not to Talk to Sam Lutfi [Evil Beet]
Camila Alves and Matthew McConaughey at the Fools Gold World premiere in Hollywood yesterday [Gabsmash]
“24″ star Mary Lynn Rajskub is pregnant [CelebWarship]
Britney Spears Was on a Meth Binge? [I Don’t Like You In That Way]
Tina Fey Wants Babies [Glitterati Gossip]
Christina’s Baby Is Worth More Than Nicole’s [Celebrity Baby Scoop]
Rihanna’s new Got Milk? ad [Popbytes]
Madonna is the Richest Singer in the World [A Socialite’s Life]
Eva Longoria Parker wears a fur coat [Just Jared]
Lake Bell: Over Her Perfect Body [Egotastic!]
‘Lost’ actor Harold Perrineau pens song for troops [Lifeline Live]
Beloved DuckTales Characters Teach Us A Horrifying Lesson About Online Predators [Best Week Ever]

Victoria’s Secret released their third annual “What is Sexy?” winners, and I have to say the results are pretty shocking. Surely no one would agree on everything, as sexy is in the eye of the beholder. Most of us think it has to do with a lot more than just appearances… it’s a quality. Like if Paris Hilton happened to also be reasonably intelligent, a good person, and not have that wonky eye, a person could find her sexy. But you’d have to be around her to evaluate. Yet you can just look at her now and instantly rule her off the list. There are certainly a few people I would argue are inherently not sexy here… but we’ll let you be the judge.

Sexiest Male Athlete: Tony Romo
Sexiest Couple: Fergie and Josh Duhamel
Sexiest Style: Scarlett Johansson
Sexiest Smile: Ryan Seacrest
Sexiest Eyes: Kate Bosworth
Sexiest Legs: Ali Larter
Sexiest Mom: Victoria Beckham
Sexiest Dad: Justin Chambers
Sexiest Funnyman: Dane Cook
Sexiest Beach Body: Josh Holloway
Sexiest Lips: Jessica Biel
Sexiest Actress: Eva Mendes
Sexiest Actor: Eric Bana
Sexiest Female Musician: Rihanna
Sexiest Male Musician: Chris Brown
Sexiest Cast: Dirty Sexy Money
Sexiest Newcomer: Blake Lively
Sexiest Newlyweds: Katherine Heigl and Josh Kelly

[From CNN]

I have a real issue with anyone calling Fergie sexy. Pencil-thin over arched eyebrows are not sexy. She just looks pulled and tight and fake. And even though she looks like she puts a lot of effort into her appearance, somehow whenever I see a picture of her I can’t help but think that she probably has some type of body odor issue. And there was that time she peed herself on stage, which she recently admitted to. So there’s a lot of unsexiest going on there. Ryan Seacrest’s smile is not sexy, it’s chiclet. Equating Ryan Seacrest to sex is like equating a sand dollar to dinner - they just don’t go, and all it does is leave you confused.

According to ABC News, at least four different celebrities pressured Entertainment Tonight not to air the video of Heath Ledger at a party where drugs were being used. An email was circulated by Heath’s publicist alerting people to the video and asking for their support. Natalie Portman, Josh Brolin, Sarah Jessica Parker and Ellen Page called producers of Entertainment Tonight and The Insider and expressed their wishes that the video not be aired. It is thought that they were joined by other unnamed publicists and celebrities.

Ledger’s publicist confirmed to ABC News that an e-mail was written to ask for support against the video, but says there was no boycott of the shows requested. The video was filmed at a party at the Chateau Marmot in January, 2006 and reportedly purchased for $200,000. It did not show Heath doing any drugs and he is heard on the tape referring to his wife girlfriend and three month old baby upstairs at the hotel.

ET and The Insider issued a statement this morning that they would not air the footage, which was much less sensational than their TV spots suggested, out of respect for Heath’s family. They seem to have had a more compelling reason for pulling it if the celebrities they depend on for coverage could possibly refuse to appear on the show in the future.

The article notes that Entertainment Tonight has aired more questionable footage after a celebrity has died, including a video of a pregnant Anna Nicole drugged-out while wearing clown makeup, in which she seemed to confuse a doll for her real baby.

Websites that have posted the video today include Splash News and A Socialite’s Life. Both have since taken the video down and replaced it with just a photo. The comments were overwhelmingly negative on those posts, with many people saying that they would no longer visit sites that chose to publish the video.