Everyone was all atwitter that Penelope Cruz, 33, was shown making out with her equally hot sister, Mónica Cruz, 30, in a new music video put out by their brother, singer Eduardo Cruz. It turns out that it’s not Monica that Penelope is shown kissing intimately, it’s another lookalike actress named Mía Maestro, 29, who had a part on Alias as Sydney Bristow’s half-sister. E! Online has the news:

While Mónica and Penélope appear in the video as two beauties dubbing a lesbian porn flick into Spanish as well as bathing-suit-clad guitar players, Penólope’s rep tells me there was absolutely no lesbian lip-locking screen time between the two.

Reports even went so far as to claim it was 22-year-old Eduardo’s idea for the smooch, because he always dreamed of watching his sisters get naughty with each other.

The 29-year-old Maestro and the Cruzes have been friends for years. The Argentinean starlet is best known in the U.S. for her work on TV’s Alias, playing Sydney Bristow’s half-sister.

[From E! Online]

Here’s the NSFW video. The two women are shown adding the Spanish voiceover to a softcore film at the beginning while Mia provocatively sucks a lollipop. Eduardo then walks into the music studio and starts recording his song. He alternates between the studio and the pool scene with bikini babes in the sexy film. The makeout scene is very brief and starts at 4:19.

Details on the Britney Spears major meltdown have been clarified, and OK! Magazine has a much clearer breakdown of what happened last night. Many of you wonder why so many firetrucks, ambulances, and helicopters needed to be on the scene for a simple custody dispute and the answer is that it’s because it was Britney. Whatever she does is publicly scrutinized and when she screws up royally like this all the response teams are clamoring to be there. Hopefully real emergencies and victims weren’t neglected in LA during the massive circus that surrounded Britney’s home.

Britney essentially took Jayden hostage
The reason one-year old Jayden had to be taken to the hospital is because Sean Preston was already released into his father’s custody, but Britney kept Jayden and refused to hand him over during the four hour standoff with police. When Britney was taken to the hospital for evaluation, presumably because they considered herself a threat to herself or others, they also took Jayden in another ambulance.

Britney’s assistant Carla and her “cousin” Alli left the house at 11:00 pm, leaving Britney alone inside with Jayden until 11:45 when she was escorted out on a gurney by paramedics and driven to Cedars-Sinai medical center. Britney was seen with what looked like a restraint on one of her legs and may have been taken forcibly.

Jayden’s father, Kevin Federline, their other child, Sean Preston, and Federline’s lawyer were at the hospital when Britney arrived. Britney’s father Jamie, with whom she has had no contact for nearly eight months, and her friend Sam Lufti also came to the hospital.

Britney is being held for observation and will probably be booked when she is released
Britney will most likely face charges after she undergoes an observation period at Cedars-Sinai. OK! Magazine reports that they plan to keep her for 24 hours after which time she will be booked by police. Update: She is on 72 hour lockdown - see below.

She is either on drugs, having a major mental meltdown or both
While police say Britney was “under the influence of an unknown substance,” she has passed all the recent drug tests she’s shown up for, with one instance in which a prescription drug was said to have caused a false positive. Some sources claim she’s simply mentally unstable.

Britney will lose visitation rights with children
Kevin Federline’s lawyer is now on his way to court to request that Britney be denied visitation with the children at least temporarily while her mental state can be assessed. It is most likely that the request will be granted, and that’s a good thing for the sake of her children.

Update: Britney is on 72 hour lockdown, was “hysterical” on gurney
Britney is on 72 hour lockdown at Cedars-Sinai as she was deemed a threat to herself and/or others. She will be under constant observation. Sources tell US Magazine that she alternated between laughing and acting hysterical when she was taken away. She was designated a “special needs” patient, which a source tells US Weekly means that the patient has “either overdosed or tried to commit suicide.”

Thanks to Splash News for these pictures.

Sorta-actress/former Dancing with the Stars contestant Vivica A. Fox has a new scandal under her belt – supposedly the actress was filmed without her knowledge while giving oral sex to an Atlanta gentleman. Though we enjoy mocking celebrities who pose for naked photos and then are shocked when they end up on the internet, being taped without your consent while doing something we all do – but that is nonetheless completely private – isn’t something to judge a person over. Except the man who taped it.

A boyfriend allegedly filmed the unsuspecting Fox as she performed oral sex on him, according to Internet reports. Atlanta blogger Sandra Rose contends that the man captured the act with his cell phone and that he later e-mailed friends the footage of Fox “on her knees.” One of those friends forwarded the e-mail to Fox, who has sought advice from “a friend at the Atlanta Police Department,” according to Rose.

But Fox’s manager, Lita Richardson, told the Daily News, “It’s not true,” without saying what part of the report she was disputing. However, an Atlanta radio personality, Porsche Foxx, “confirmed that her close friend Vivica Fox appears in a controversial sex tape,” according to Rose.

[From Fox News]

Various media outlets are reporting that the guy is anything from Vivica’s longtime boyfriend to a complete stranger that she picked up. It doesn’t really matter though – whatever he is to her, if he taped her without her knowledge, that’s disgusting. It’s unclear whether he’s using the footage to extort her in some way, just to embarrass her, or for his own bragging rights.

Vivica is certainly no stranger to controversy. She was booked on a DUI charge in December and could go to jail for six months. She also pleaded not guilty to two DUI counts in September. She was arrested in March for doing 80 mph while weaving through traffic on the Ventura Freeway, at which point she called the arresting officers “racist white cops.” So it’s not like things were going really well for her before all this. Vivica has often been featured on websites about bad plastic surgery for her bad brow job and lip plumper addiction. Before Dancing with the Stars, she was not getting any good press. Now it seems like she’s back where she started. Hopefully the video will stay under wraps, and Fox will get her drinking under control.

Picture note by Jaybird: Header image of Vivica Fox with singer Norwood Young at his Christmas party on December 19th. Images thanks to Splash Photos.

Update by Celebitchy: Here’s a link to a NSFW but PG-13 censored version of the supposed BJ video of Vivica Fox. It’s clear what’s going on. I hope she sues the guy who took this tape without her knowledge.

Several sources, including the always reputable Sun (and several more reputable mags) are reporting that twin-bearing Jennifer Lopez will birth her babies the good ‘ol fashioned Scientology way – it silence. Apparently nothing frightens newborns like the sound of a doctor yelling “Push! Push!” or a mother screaming that she’s going to cut her husband’s penis off for doing this to her. That was, of course, until they realized that the next thing J Lo’s newborns would see will be Marc Anthony’s face. In terms of trauma, you can’t get much worse than that. So I’m guessing the whole silent birth thing is kind of a waste of time. If you really want to give your babies a more peaceful entrance into this crazy worth, I think you might want to consider having Skeletor wait in the lobby. Just a thought.

Jennifer Lopez is following in the footsteps of Katie Holmes by giving birth naturally, quiet, and free from painkillers. Katie was forced to keep quiet during the birth of Suri – her first child with Scientology-fanatic husband Tom Cruise.

J-Lo and husband Marc Anthony are also keen followers of the religion, where it is believed that loud hospital environments, and doctor’s shouts of ‘push push’ can have damaging effects on a newborn later in life.

A pal of the 38-year-old told a US mag: “Although she knows it will be hard not to scream, she understands why it will be good for the baby to have peace and quiet.”

[From the Sun]

Good luck, little babies Lopez-Anthony. Your mom is a crazy, multi-tasking diva, and your father looks like a four-day-old corpse. Something tells me that despite the money and the fame, this world won’t be too kind to the two of you. But psychologically, you’ll be okay; because your mom didn’t scream when she was pushing what I can only assume will be your incredibly angular heads from her body. So while you may inherit your parents’ undeserved sense of accomplishment, self-righteousness and a confusingly emaciated face, psychologically, you’re guaranteed to be completely intact.

Picture note by Jaybird: Here’s J Lo and Skeletor at the 2007 Movie Rocks awards on December 2nd. Images thanks to PR Photos.

An actor in the Broadway play “Beauty and the Beast” has plead guilty to sexually abusing a 15 year-old girl over six years ago, but not before he tried to smear her for reporting his disgusting misconduct. The then 15 year-old came to actor James Barbour, now 41, in 2001 when he was working on the play “Jane Eyre.” She was interested in a theater career and was introduced to Barbour by her drama coach. He soon abused the girl, fondling her backstage, under a table while dining with her family, and again at his house. Barbour claims she was the aggressor and his lawyer has another case requesting to take out an advertisement with the victim’s name asking other men to come forward if she accused them of sexual abuse! The judge has barred that request.

Barbour will receive 60 days in jail and three years probation and will be sentenced February 29. He will not have to register as a sex offender, but will have to tell all his co-workers in film, television or theater of the case for the next three years.

Barbour, who played the beast in Disney’s “Beauty and the Beast,” was starring on Broadway in “Jane Eyre” in June 2001 when a high school drama teacher arranged for the girl — an aspiring actress — and her parents to see the musical.

The actor admitted that when the girl came backstage alone to see him after the show on the last weekend of its run, he began touching her sexually.

The next month, the teen visited Barbour at his Upper West Side apartment where another instance of sexual touching occurred, the actor told the court. He said he knew the girl was 15.

Barbour’s lawyer, Ronald P. Fischetti, said his client pleaded guilty so he could put this case behind him and get on with his career.

“By pleading guilty to misdemeanors, he doesn’t have to register (as a sex offender), and that’s important,” the lawyer said. “He wouldn’t have been able to travel without reporting, and he wouldn’t have been able to work with children.”

Fischetti blamed the girl for Barbour’s troubles and questioned her motives, saying, “She initiated both of these sexual encounters and then waited five years before filing a complaint against him.”

Meanwhile, Fischetti has a case before the state Court of Appeals, New York’s highest tribunal, seeking permission to publish the victim’s name in ads that ask men to report whether she ever filed false sex abuse charges against them.

The judge had barred Fischetti from running such ads or setting up a telephone hot line to receive calls about her.

[From AP.google.com]

Barbour says he just plead guilty to a misdemeanor in order to ensure that he was kept off the sex offenders list, but prosecutors have a bombshell - another woman has come forward to say he abused her too when she was just 13. The statute of limitations has passed in that older case, but it can still be used against him in this case and may explain why he decided to take a plea instead of face more jail time.

The last time Barbour was on Broadway was in the musical “Assassins” in 2004. He is not likely to return. When he gets out of jail this creep will have to find a position in another field so he doesn’t have to disclose his past. Hopefully he will stay far away from children.

It’s been a little while since we’ve slammed on Heather Mills. And it’s really not fair to let Britney hog all the crazy, much as she might like to. Heather Mills is one of those crazies that you can’t help but root against, and feel a little bit of smug satisfaction when nothing goes her way. And given the way the crazy, sanctimonious, delusional Brit behaves, I’m often left feeling pretty satisfied. Though she’s turned down multiple large settlement offers from estranged, soon-to-be ex-husband Paul McCartney, Mills may soon find herself in the poorhouse. She “mutually” parted ways with her legal team last month, after she went on a round of television shows bashing McCartney and saying she wanted to kill herself due to the way everyone treats her. She’d racked up a $4 million legal bill with her former divorce lawyers Mishcon de Reya. Heather had agreed to pay $200,000 a month towards the bill once she got her settlement, but now the legal team is in the process of writing a writ to make her pay up immediately. They’re afraid that her outlandish spending and stubborn/delusional personality will leave her with little or no settlement from Sir Paul, and that she may burn through whatever she does get on designer clothes and security guards.

But here, perhaps, is the nub of it all. For while Heather may have celebrated the festivities at her large £3.25 million country mansion, she is all too aware that the rug is coming close to being pulled from under her, while her soon-to-be ex-husband still has his £850 million fortune firmly in hand.

A writ from her former divorce lawyers Mishcon de Reya for an unpaid bill of £2 million is the tip of the iceberg. There is, say sources, an ever-growing overdraft of £1 million at the exclusive Coutts bank. She has weekly outgoings of more than £5,000, with next to no money coming in. Friends say the only way she can pay the legal bills is by selling the nine-bedroom house in East Sussex — paid for by her ex-husband so he could be close to their daughter.

What’s more, she is beginning to realize that instead of the £50 million figure it was first estimated she could get from Paul’s fortune, she will now be lucky to get £10 million. And at the rate she is spending, that will not last more than a couple of years.

[From the Daily Mail]

Apparently Heather thought that her appearance on “Dancing with the Stars” would make everyone fall in love with her, and she was counting on a financial windfall. I’m not sure how someone with such an extreme personality disorder has gotten as far in life as Heather Mills has. While she clearly has narcissistic personality disorder, I can’t help but wonder if she has her own special brand of delusional personality disorder. I know it’s not an official mental illness, but I’m pretty sure they should make it one.

Meanwhile, Heather’s plans for making money of her own have also backfired. Anticipating a rash of offers after her appearance on Dancing With The Stars, America’s version of Strictly Come Dancing, she set up five companies. But four of the businesses (I Do Care, You Care Worldwide, Raspberry Fields Productions and Beauty and the Baby) are dormant, and the fifth, Dissoi Logoi Productions, is about to be struck off the Companies House register.

“She thought she would get all these amazing deals after being on Dancing With The Stars,” said her friend. “She thought she would be invited onto Oprah and would be filling in for Larry King (the TV interviewer). She set up all these companies in the belief that she would be hugely popular. But it all came to nothing. While people might have admired her dancing, as a personality, she is not a ratings winner.”

[From the Daily Mail]

What will it take for Heather Mills to realize that she’s the psycho, not everyone else? Something tells me that losing her home will just further enhance her victimhood. Heather is now representing herself during her complex legal trial. If anything could assure her that she’d end up with a stack of old newspapers and some chicken eggs for a settlement, it’s Crazy representing herself. If things go as hoped, pretty soon we’ll see her auctioning that leg on eBay.

Britney not under the influence of illegal drugs
Life and Style reports that they have a source that claims that Britney’s blood test from Cedars Sinai came back negative for drugs and that she was not under the influence of illegal substances. So she’s just crazy and/or whacked out on prescription drugs. It occurred to me that she may have abruptly gone off a prescription medication or started a new one and that might explain her very erratic behavior. She could of course just be crazy, but if you start or suddenly stop using psychiatric medication it can dramatically affect your moods. You should wean off medication for depression and/or anxiety and start slowly to ensure that it’s the right dosage and medication for you.

Britney locked herself in the bathroom with Sean Preston and Jayden James, let SP go
Page Six reports that Britney locked herself in the bathroom with the boys, eventually letting one go:

According to reports, when Kevin Federline’s bodyguard showed up to collect Sean Preston and Jayden James, Britney locked herself in the bathroom with both boys and wouldn’t come out. She also refused to let the boys leave, so cops were called to the house. A source told PageSix.com that Britney was “hysterical and just wanted to keep the kids overnight.” The insider says that Britney wasn’t making any sense and “kept saying she wanted to stay with the kids.”

[From PageSix]

K-Fed’s lawyer refused to make a statement
I was watching TMZ’s “live feed” of the much-anticipated press conference with K-Fed’s lawyer, Mark Kaplan, and all that happened was that a co-worker of Kaplan’s came out and said that due to the sensitive nature of the situation he would not be making a statement. No questions about the welfare of the children or Britney were answered.

Jayden James is likely ok
Everyone is worried that something happened to Jayden James after he was taken to the hospital along with Britney, but PageSix reports that a source says he’s “going to be fine.” It seems like he was taken to the hospital for observation as they wanted to make sure he was ok after the “hostage” type situation he was in.

The rumor that Britney was screaming that she “Would rather die than let him have my babies”
This is based on an all caps unsubstantiated Oh No They Didn’t post from a “source inside Cedars Sinai” and might not be true:

brenden JUST RECEIVED A CALL FROM AN ONTD MEMBER/SOURCE THAT IS INSIDE CEDARS-SINAI RIGHT NOW. THE SOURCE SAID THAT - WHILE BEING TRANSPORTED DOWN THE HALLWAY AFTER HER ARRIVAL - BRITNEY WAS SCREAMING THAT SHE WOULD RATHER DIE THAN “LET HIM HAVE MY BABIES.” AFTER REPEATEDLY SCREAMING THAT SHE WANTED TO DIE, BRITNEY WAS APPARENTLY RESTRAINED BY HOSPITAL STAFF AND MAY HAVE BEEN SEDATED.

[From ONTD]

While that might not be exactly what she said and we have no way of verifying that, it is true that she was likely considered a suicide risk. She was deemed a “special case” by Cedars Sinai, which means that she was either suicidal or overdosed. No wonder they brought Jayden in for observation.

Videos of Britney and the media circus last night
Here’s a video of Britney’s cavalcade arriving at the hospital, thanks to Hollywood.TV via ONTD. It shows the circus that surrounded her that night. Britney is shown very briefly at 2 minutes into the video sitting up on the gurney looking around wide-eyed. She reminds me of a trapped animal. K-Fed is seen trying to hide in his car as he drives into the hospital near the end.

There’s also a video of Kevin Federline speeding and driving erratically trying to lose the paparazzi. The children were not with him at the time.

Update Another video from Celeb.tv that shows Britney briefly in the ambulance at 30 seconds before the end. The paramedics try to put a sheet over her head and she keeps pulling it down and smiling!

I’m getting burnt out on this Britney Spears fiasco and it’s only been going on for a day. The details keep pouring in, and here are the latest, thanks to Access Hollywood.

Emergency custody hearing was held this morning
There was an emergency custody hearing between K-Fed’s lawyer, Mark Kaplan, and Britney’s lawyer, Tara L. Scott. It is unknown what the outcome was, but I think we can safely assume Britney has lost her meager supervised visitation rights with her two boys.

MSNBC has a legal expert who says that Britney probably won’t be able to see her children much after pulling this stunt.

The court-appointed monitor called the cops, not K-Fed or his bodyguard
Access Hollywood reports that the court-appointed monitor was the one who called when Britney would not surrender the boys, and that it wasn’t Kevin Federline’s bodyguard or K-Fed himself, as was speculated.

There’s a California law that all children involved in domestic disputes need to be brought to the hospital for evaluation
In California, it is mandated that if there’s a domestic dispute and a child is involved they need to be evaluated at a hospital afterwards for physical or emotional trauma. This certainly would fall under those guidelines:

According to People’s Deputy Managing Editor Peter Castro, in California there is a law stating that if there is an incident at a home involving children, they are required to go to a hospital and get checked for physical and mental issues.

In this case they were cleared of both, but not after a very long time in the hospital.

“This was a hostage situation,” Castro told Access.

The court appointed monitor reportedly was the person who called the police.

[From Access Hollywood]

What the hell is wrong with Britney?
This is a former pop star who is mentally unstable and not willing to take responsibility for her children. She’s desperate for any kind of attention, particularly since her sister recently announced her pregnancy at the tender age of 16. She’s not willing to work for a comeback or do much more than follow her every whim, begging us to watch her along the way. She’s like a spoiled little child and it seems that she did this out of desperation, and certainly not because she wanted to stay with her boys, who she usually ignores.

I don’t feel sorry for her at all, and hope she goes away to the country where she has to learn to clean up after herself, cook meals, and do laundry. Her only choices every day should be which vegetable she gets to eat with dinner and what kind of handcrafts she’ll do while watching whatever television is deemed safe enough for her to view, probably something over 50 years old and without color.

Pictures are of Sean Preston Federline looking ok after the ordeal, according to Splash News. Access Hollywood credits these pictures as being of Jayden James. It looks like Sean Preston to me, what do you think?

Update: That is likely to be Sean Preston, and he is incorrectly listed as Jayden in some reports.

Jay Leno is in a world of hurt. Apparently he didn’t quite understand the WGA’s rules about writing material for his show. All of the late night acts are going back on the air in the next week or so, with Leno and Letterman back on this past Wednesday. Letterman’s production company, Worldwide Pants, came to a separate agreement with the Writer’s Guild, essentially agreeing to honor all of their demands in terms of royalties and web payouts. That allowed him (and Craig Ferguson, who’s show is also produced by Letterman’s company) to go back on their air with his usual team of writers. The blogosphere was alive with excitement: lots of people noting that Letterman would finally beat Leno in the ratings. However the general consensus is that Jay Leno did a better job with just himself than Letterman did with his whole team. Ouch.

Technically, Leno’s only option was to perform his monologue spontaneously. That’s a tall order. As a writer and member of the WGA, he was not allowed to pen anything beforehand. Though it’s likely that late-night hosts Conan O’Brien and Jimmy Kimmel wrote something before they stepped on stage, Leno openly violated the rules, admitting that he wrote his monologue beforehand.

“Tonight Show” host Jay Leno could face disciplinary action from the Writers Guild of America for writing his monologue while the nearly 2-month-old writers strike continues.
Leno, a member of the guild, met Thursday with WGA West President Patric Verrone to discuss his decision to pen his opening segment. During the meeting, Leno was told that “writing for ‘The Tonight Show’ constitutes a violation of the [WGA] strike rules,’ the WGA said in a statement.

“[Leno] was pretty flagrant in saying he wrote his monologue,” said Sherry Goldman, a spokeswoman for WGA East. “The other hosts … found a way around it.” It’s not yet clear what would happen to Leno if he continues to write monologues in the midst of the strike, but he could be brought before the WGA’s disciplinary committee, Goldman said.

[From MarketWatch]

The WGA’s strike contract is notoriously hard to interpret, however most people outside of the WGA (including NBC) agree that anyone outside of prime time is allowed to write their own material.

“The WGA agreement permits Jay Leno to write his own monologue for `The Tonight Show,’” NBC said in a statement Thursday. “The WGA is not permitted to implement rules that conflict with the terms of the collective bargaining agreement between the studios and the WGA.”

[From the Associated Press]

This strike is getting pretty tiresome. And I say that not as a reflection on the writers, but on the corporations. The WGA is fairly rigid: I’m pretty sure they’d get mad if one of their members wrote so much as a grocery list at this point. Remember that note you jotted down on a Post-it, reminding you to call your aunt? Violation. But they have a point. If they start making a bunch of exceptions, pretty soon the strike won’t stand for anything. The Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers website has a counter on their website of how much money the writers are losing in the short term by striking. What they don’t have a counter for is how much money the writers would lose in the long term if they didn’t strike. This is pretty much a battle between principles (writers) and egos (the alliance). Get ready for a lot of game shows and reality TV next year.

Today seems to really have just two themes, in terms of celebrity gossip. Crazy people and sex tapes. Though to be fair, that tends to be how most days are in the celebrity world, it’s just normally not so obvious. In slightly more random “celebrities,” remember Amy Fisher, the Long Island Lolita? Well she’s got her own sex tape. It turns out she recently reconnected with all-around catch Joey Buttafuoco. He’s the mechanic who she dated as a sixteen-year-old in the early nineties, and then shot his wife Mary Jo in the face.

Fisher’s husband filed for divorce and released their sex tape in retaliation. The pair have reconciled, and instead of going through the hassle of getting the tape removed from circulation, Fisher chose to just take some cash and roll with it.

When Amy Fisher publicly rekindled her romance with Joey Buttafuoco, her then-estranged husband, Lou Bellara, released a sex tape of himself and Fisher in retaliation. The sex tape video has already been leaked all over the net and is number one in porn tape downloads, so Amy Fisher has decided that instead of fighting a losing battle, she is going to make the best of the situation and endorse the sex tape so she can make some money.

“My husband, you know, released this. And you know what? It’s out there. I have two choices. I can sit there and say, it doesn’t exist, which it does exist, you know. Or I can do the intelligent thing.” Which for Fisher means making the best of the situation and making money.

[From Bitten and Bound]

Well, I guess there’s something to be said for just going with the flow. I had no idea that Amy had hooked up with Buttafuoco again. Two years ago Entertainment Tonight or the Insider (they all blend together anymore) did some really annoying series of interviews where they brought Fisher and Buttafuoco together for the first time and taped their ranting confrontations. They managed to stretch it out into segments over two weeks or something. Apparently hiding under all that anger was a lot of love… or a lot of psychosis. I can’t really blame Fisher’s husband for being pissed. It really is making the best of the situation: now they have her bail money for the next person she shoots in the face.

Picture note by Jaybird: Here’s Amy’s forgiving, porn-peddling husband Louis Bellera at her book signing. Header image of Amy Fisher at the signing of her book “If I Knew Then” on 10/25/04. Images thanks to PR Photos.