No your eyes are not messed up: you read that headline correctly. Of all the upsetting, horrendous things I’ve ever had to report, this may very well be the worst. Clay Aiken is going to be a father, according to Us Weekly and TMZ.

Idol Clay Aiken’s producer is pregnant with his child, TMZ.com reports.

Jaymes Foster (who is reportedly in her late 40s) was artificial inseminated with the 29-year-old singer’s sperm, according to the report.

Aiken lives with Foster – described as his “best friend” – when he’s in L.A. and plans to be involved with parenting their child, TMZ reports.

The crooner has consistently avoided questions about his sexuality.

“People don’t want to have that type of stuff pushed, people who are living in Omaha or in Charlotte or wherever,” Aiken told Access Hollywood last month.

“They don’t want stuff like that pushed in their face,” he added. “I don’t think that’s necessary and that’s also not what I’m here for. I mean, I went on Idol to be a singer, I went on Idol to be an entertainer and that’s what my priority is.”

[From Us Weekly]

This means that someone intentionally chose to have Clay Aiken’s DNA growing inside them. It wasn’t some drunken mistake (I realize that’s even less likely to happen with Clay Aiken, but you get the point). It was this conscious, thought-out plan. It means that Jaymes Foster looked around at the men in her life, and the VERY BEST CANDIDATE was Clay Aiken. Which makes me really judge the other men she knows.

According to TMZ, Foster is 50-years-old, the sister of record mogul David Foster, and has produced several of Clay’s albums. The way they phrased it is that “Clay is a lot more than sperm — we’re told he will have an active role in raising the child.” Considering the way Clay supposedly bosses everyone around and lectures people on manners, he’s going to be one uptight dad.

Clay is scheduled to perform on the Tonight Show this evening. Something tells me this won’t come up, but you never know.

Here’s Clay arriving at Planet Hollywood in Times Square to promote his role in Monty Python’s ‘Spamalot’ on April 8th. I don’t think that’s the actual cup he used, but no guarantees. Images thanks to WENN.

- Anderson Cooper attended the 6th Annual Sesame Workshop Gala last night with Elmo. More hotness than you can shake a stick at [Dlisted]
- Have Sarah McLachlan and her husband Ashwin Sood separated? [Lainey Gossip]
- Hip Hop artists Swizz Beatz, Talib Kweli, Cassidy, Drag-On, Maino and Styles P unite to honor the memory of the late Sean Bell [Bossip]
- Ooooohhhhhh! Sharon Stone’s Dior Campaign Axed. Sadness. [Fafarazzi]
- Living Lohan review: calling it rancid horse shit does a serious injustice to the good name of horse shit [Pajiba]
- Adam Sandler Wins MTV Award For Best Actor with A Movie Opening Next Week [Defamer]
- John Travolta Photo Helps Protect Murder Suspect [I'm Not Obsessed]
- Lindsay Lohan eggs the paparazzi. Not the stupidest thing she’s done, sadly [Celebslam]
- Avril Lavigne & The Latest In Punk Rock Fashion [The Bastardly]
- Understatement of the day: Matt Damon and a Mustache Don’t Go Well Together [PopSugar]
- Gwyneth Works Out 3 Hours A Day. We’re hoping that’s a slight exaggeration [Celebrity Baby Scoop]
- Christina Ricci has a tremendously large forehead [Websters is my Bitch]
- Mariah Carey Throwin’ A Pitch in Japan (Site NSFW) [Drunken Stepfather]
- Mischa Barton Can’t Get Her Shit Together [Evil Beet]
- Here are some really odd photos of Heidi Klum at McDonald’s eating their snack wraps [The Blemish]
- Celebrities Separated at Birth [CityRag]
- Sarah Jessica Parker hasn’t ruled out Sex & The City sequel [In Case You Didn't Know]
- Kid Rock says ex-wife Pamela Anderson has put him off marriage for life. Thanks for taking one for the rest of us Pam [Hollywood Rag]
- NKOTB back in Hollywood! Just where they belong. I’m seriously not joking. They could teach us all something about aging with hotness [Seriously? OMG! WTF?]
- Harvey Weinstein Pisses Off Tom Cruise; Scientology Official Uses Phrase “Come Out Of The Closet” [Agent Bedhead]
- Beverly Hills Cop - The Retirement Years [Crazy Days and Nights]
- Pete Wentz commissioned artist Nathan Sawaya to make a “Lego Bee” which measures 26ins by 47ins by 36ins and is made from about 18,000 standard Lego bricks [WWTDD]
- Here are some pictures of the lovely Kate Beckinsale at the beach with her family earlier this week. [The Skinny]
- Kristen Bell hanging in her Underwear [Derek Hail]
- Mario Cantone Nearly Sparks Full-Blown Lesbian Orgy On The View [Best Week Ever]
- Every week, a bunch of “real” people say really stupid things on reality TV. These are their stories [Mollygood]
- Olivier Martinez: “Kylie Is Officially Too Old For Me To Marry!” [Jezebel]
- Batman’s “Got Milk” body [Popbytes]
- Michael Bay conjures ‘Ouija’ movie [ShowHype]

Kirk Douglas is my new hero. Today the legendary actor and his wife Anne dedicated their 400th school playground. Ten years ago the pair set up a foundation to build safe play areas for Los Angeles-area kids. After the dedication, 91-year-old Douglas played in the playground and even slid down the slides.

Kirk Douglas and his wife have dedicated their 400th school playground — completing a decade-long effort to give Los Angeles kids a place to frolic.

The 91-year-old actor took a ride down a slide during the unveiling Wednesday at a Los Angeles elementary school.

Douglas and his wife, Anne, created a foundation that has provided more than $8 million to build or refurbish play areas in the Los Angeles school district.

Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger was on hand for the dedication and praised Douglas and his wife for their efforts. The governor and Douglas worked together in a 1979 movie called “The Villain” and have remained friends for three decades.

[From Newsvine]

That’s amazing. These pictures make me ridiculously happy. What a great example to set for other people – especially celebs with the money to make such a positive impact.

Here’s Kirk and Anne Douglas at the kindergarten playground dedication ceremony at Ivanhoe Elementary School in Silver Lake, Los Angeles. These are easily my favorite celebrity photos ever. Images thanks to WENN.

The new Sex and the City movie is causing a lot of controversy, with people saying it is bad publicity for New York, and that the ladies are too airbrushed in the publicity stills. Lauren Hutton, 64-year-old actress and model, had her own opinion to add.

She said, “It’s written by guys, who happen to be gay, who are sluts. That’s what I think.

“Let’s face it most men are sluts. That’s what testosterone is supposed to do. As a hunter, if you stayed alive after 30, nature wanted your genes out there. Women were just trying to get the best sperm to make a masterpiece.

“You have a bunch a guys who are sluts, writing for women and telling them they are supposed to act like this.”

The Today Show via San Francisco Chronicle

I’m not even going to touch the ‘gay’ remark, or the fact that I don’t think every man on the planet is a slut, but I will point out that Sex and the City had several female writers as well as men, and was based on a book written by a woman. I’m also going to assume that she meant the sperm was going to be used to make a baby, not an actual piece of art.

I found Lauren’s comments interesting because they came on the same day as this article in the New York Daily News, talking about New York women and their number of sex partners.

Everyone has a “number.” But how many is too many and were the “Sex and the City” women oversexed?

Definitely - compared to the average American woman, who has nine sex partners in a lifetime, according to a survey by the Durex brand of condoms. But compared to the average New Yorker, they were right on target.

According to Karyn Bosnak, who researched the topic for her novel “20 Times a Lady” - about a New Yorker who vows to have sex with a maximum of 20 men - the typical New York City woman’s number is twice the national average.

“Women in other parts of the country tend to get married much younger. It’s not a big deal to be single in your 30s in New York,” says Bosnak, “There’s also the anonymity factor. You can date men from different social circles here. If you have 20 sex partners and you live in a small, rural town, that’s not good.

“I stopped counting at 56,” says Christine, 35, a locations director from Bayside who lives in SoHo. “There are so many opportunities to meet men here - bars, restaurants, clubs, walking down the street, the deli. Men are everywhere.”

New York Daily News

FYI, Samantha had 42 partners, Carrie and Charlotte had 18, and Miranda had 17.

I’m not sure why this movie is causing so much controversy, except perhaps that
it features middle-aged women who are being portrayed as sexy, when normally those roles are given to twenty-something actresses. Sarah Jessica Parker herself won’t say no to a sequel, saying that at 43 and with a family, “it’s been the real last year of my life professionally.”

Sarah Jessica Parker is shown outside the Today Show yesterday, 5/29/08. Lauren Hutton is shown at an opening at the Broad Contemporary Art Museum on 2/9/08. Thanks to WENN.

I actually thought there could be some truth to this story - Calista Flockhart and Harrison Ford have been together forever, or six years, which is forever in Hollywood time. Reports that began in the London tabloids said that Harrison Ford proposed to Calista Flockhart on April Fool’s Day, and that they plan to get married as soon as the promotional duties for Indiana Jones are complete. Unfortunately, his rep has denied that it is true.

“This is completely fabricated and the result of a British tabloid report,” the rep confirmed to OK!.

OK! Magazine

I highly doubt that Harrison Ford will ever marry again. His last divorce, from screenwriter Melissa Matheson, set him back no less than $90 million. The pair were married for 18 years and had two children together. According to Forbes, the most expensive celebrity divorces include Michael Jordan’s and Neil Diamond’s (at $150 million each), followed by Steven Speilberg’s divorce from Amy Irving at $100 million. Harrison Ford’s earned him the number 4 spot on the list.

Harrison will probably not be marrying Calista Flockhart, but if she does decide she’d like to tie the knot, I’d have to suggest to Harrison that he gets down on one knee as quick as a man of 65 can. At that age, even for a sexy old fella like him, it’s not as easy to attract women 20+ years your junior. Calista is 43, and looked absolutely amazing in that pink dress at the Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull premiere.

Calista has an adopted son, Liam, 7, that Harrison recently described as his ‘child’, and credited him with keeping him young and ‘involved in life’.

Calista Flockhart and Harrison Ford are shown outside the Waverly Inn in NY on 5/21/08, thanks to WENN.

I am incredibly sad today. As a huge fan of “The Carol Burnett Show” as a child, one of my favorite duos was Harvey Korman and Tim Conway. Korman passed away yesterday at the age of 81.

Legendary comedic actor Harvey Korman died today. He was 81.

The actor, possibly best known for his stint on the “The Carol Burnett Show” and in the film “Blazing Saddles,” died at UCLA Medical Center after suffering complications from the rupture of an abdominal aortic aneurysm four months ago.

Carol Burnett’s assistant told the AP the actress was devastated by the news, but she has not yet released a statement.

He is survived by his wife and four children.

[From TMZ]

Anyone who grew up watching Korman on TV can agree that we have lost a great talent. I will always remember the way he would try not to laugh when his co-star Tim Conway would say or do something really funny. The LA Times published a wonderful tribute to him today. Here’s an excerpt:

With a knack for physical humor and oddball accents, Korman was a master sketch comic who did his best-known work on Burnett’s variety show beginning in 1967 in an ensemble that included Tim Conway.

“It’s a 45-year friendship,” Conway said. “It was a great ride; we worked together probably 30 years, plus the Burnett show, which was about as good as it gets.”

Brooks called Korman “a major, major talent, and he could have very easily have done Shakespearean drama. That’s how gifted and talented Harvey was. . . . I loved working with him.”

Conway said Korman had “a complete understanding of comedy and comedy timing.

Condolences to Harvey’s family and friends.

Note by Celebitchy: Here are some clips of Harvey on the Carol Burnette show:

Dentist sketch with Tim Conway

Gone with the Wind parody (Korman enters about 2 minutes in.)

And here’s a three party interview with the Archive of American Television:
Harvey Korman interview part 1, part 2, and part 3

Harvey Korman is shown at the TV Land Awards on 3/15/05, thanks to WENN.

OK! Magazine is reporting a rumor that Angelina Jolie had her twins over the weekend in the Aix-en-Provence region of France, which would be near Brad and Angelina’s newly leased $60 or $70 million estate. (Depending on which reports you believe.)

OK! says we should take this with a grain of salt, and that it’s just an unsubstantiated rumor for now. The details are pretty sketchy:

There may be nothing more than wishful thinking to reports coming out of France this morning that Angelina Jolie, who was due to give birth to twins some time in the next three to four weeks, has indeed already delivered her fifth and sixth children.

According to rumors, the Oscar-winner gave birth on Sunday in a Catholic clinic in the Aix-En-Provence region of France. No further details are forthcoming at this moment.

[From OK! Magazine]

OK! reminds us of the rumor that Brad and Angelina were married in the French Quarter of New Orleans in March. It turned out that the wedding was for a couple from New Orleans’ elite and that all it took was a few blocked roads and an expensive wedding for the story to get started. Maybe there’s a wealthy French woman or even another celebrity who arranged to have secrecy surrounding her birth and it’s not Angelina at all.

Angelina has said that she will disappear for a couple months after her twins are born. Dustin Hoffman leaked the news that she was due August 19, but that could have been a cleverly arranged setup by Brad and Angelina to ensure that they have time alone after the birth. It’s hard to tell how far along she is, especially if she’s having twins.

Update: D-Listed is reporting that Angelina named the twins Isla Marcheline Jolie-Pitt and Amelie Jane Jolie-Pitt.

Update 2: The Insider claims to have a source that confirms that Angelina had her twins and that those are indeed the names. Congratulations to the happy family if all this is true.

Update 3: People has an exclusive that Angelina didn’t have her babies, and since they’re at the top in the gossip hierarchy I think I’ll believe their version.

Angelina Jolie is shown on 5/20/08 at a photocall for The Changeling, thanks to WENN.

Marc Anthony called into the Billy Bush radio show yesterday in advance of his new tour. He revealed that he and his wife, Jennifer Lopez, don’t have a nanny for their three month-old twins, Max and Emme. He also said that he’s getting the short end of the stick and that his job is caring for the twins overnight from 10 pm to 8 am. As for reports that they have multiple butlers and gold chandeliers hanging in the twins’ nursery, Anthony says all of that is false and that they’re very hands on:

“[Max and Emme] are just big and gorgeous,” he told Billy.

Marc revealed that he and wife Jennifer Lopez handle baby duties all by themselves.

“She expects me to help and she makes no bones about it,” Marc said. “I get the late shift. I get literally from 10 PM because we don’t have a nanny. It’s just me and Jennifer figuring it out. From 10 PM to 8 [AM], that’s my shift”

That’s right – Marc and Jennifer have no nanny for their twins.

“It’s just us man,” Marc said. “We’re figuring it out and having a great time.”

When asked if Jennifer has been working out hard to get her figure back, Marc confirmed his wife is in fitness mode, but more importantly, she is all about their children.

“Yeah, yes she is, but she’s more in mommy mode,” Marc said. “She has three movies lined up and she’s eager to go back to work, but the babies have been a blessing all the way around and she’s just amazing. She’s such an amazing mom and I’m so proud of her. She’s such a gem to watch.”

[From AccessHollywood.com - site may contain automatic sound]

He also joked “I’ve heard that they have 24 karat gold chandeliers and 8 nannies and 10 butlers and stuff like that. No, It’s just us.”

Good for them! There was a story that their nanny “abruptly left” for whatever reason around mid April, and it sounds like they’re not in a hurry to hire a replacement or just haven’t found one yet. They must have a babysitter or at least a family member to watch the twins though, as they’ve made several appearances together without the newborns.

They have also supposedly said that “the next year will be all about family,” but they’re not putting their respective careers on hold. Lopez has three movies coming up, according to Anthony, and she is also working on a fragrance and a reality show with TLC. Anthony will do a music tour soon and it’s unknown whether he’ll bring his wife and twins along.

Marc Anthony and Jennifer Lopez are shown on 5/12/08 at a Christian Dior fashion show, thanks to WENN.

It seems like rehab clinics are the new spas. Kirsten Dunst said she went to rehab for depression treatment while Steven Tyler is claiming that he went to rehab this month in order to have peace and quiet while he recovered from foot surgery:

“The doctors told me the pain in my feet could be corrected but it would require a few surgeries over time,” Tyler says in a statement released Thursday. “The ‘foot repair’ pain was intense, greater than I’d anticipated. The months of rehabilitative care and the painful strain of physical therapy were traumatic. I really needed a safe environment to recuperate where I could shut off my phone and get back on my feet. Make no mistake, Aerosmith has no plans to stop rocking. There’s a new album to record, then another tour.”

According to the statement, Tyler was treated at the center after a series of surgeries and post-operative physical therapy “to correct long-time foot injuries resulting from his trademark athletic performance onstage.”

[From People]

According to the website for the Las Encinas hospital where Tyler was treated, they treat addictions and chemical dependency, but it’s of course possible that he decided to go to rehab when he could have just as easily checked into a resort or spa.

It wasn’t his first stint in rehab this year, though. The National Enquirer reports that he sought outpatient treatment in another facility starting in February for an addiction to prescription painkillers, which he was taking to cope with the pain from hepatitis C.

These celebrities should just keep quiet about rehab and go about their business afterwards. They don’t have to give bogus excuses. Maybe they consider it insurance in case they fall off the wagon. Getting drunk at a club is no longer a bigdeal after rehab, since they already gave the excuse that they were there for the great food and seclusion.

In related news, Kirsten Dunst was said to have been “wobbly” after being out at a bar in NY last weekend.

Steven Tyler is shown at a MusiCares benefit on 5/9/08, thanks to WENN.

Three and a Half Men star Charlie Sheen will marry his third wife, Brooke Mueller, in a ceremony at a secret location in LA tonight. The couple is keeping the location of their wedding ceremony and reception quiet in order to ensure that Charlie’s ex wife, Denise Richards, doesn’t show up or try to film it for her new E! reality show. Charlie and Denise have had a protracted custody battle along with a war of the words in the press.

The NY Daily News reports that Charlie and Brooke have been trying to have a child, and that it’s possible she’s already pregnant:

As her ex Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller prepare to walk down the aisle Friday night, friends of the bride-to-be tell us she may already be pregnant.

“They’ve been busy working on having a baby,” confides a pal. “They have been for a couple of months. It’d be great if they had a son, because Charlie already has three daughters.”

The “Two and a Half Men” star, 42, has a daughter, Cassandra, 23, by Paula Profit, and had Sam, 4, and Lola Rose, 3, with Richards.

Asked if they were trying to start a family, Sheen’s rep Stan Rosenfield told us: “That’s often what people do when they get married.”

The 60 or so people invited to the nuptials know only to wear evening attire and wait for a car to whisk them to a secret location in L.A.

“They had to tell Denise when it was, because they wanted the girls to come, but she doesn’t know where it’ll be,” says the source. “Who knows? She may even crash the event with a camera crew.”

[From The NY Daily News]

As for the he-said she-said with the “sperm donor” e-mail, in which Richards supposedly asked Sheen for some of the stuff to conceive another child after their split, the News claims to have a source who says that a computer expert verified that the e-mails were not doctored and that they came from Richard’s computer.

Good luck Charlie Sheen and new wife. And please don’t let us know the details if you ever get a divorce.