Yesterday, I was trying to avoid writing one single word about Michael Lohan. Even if I think Michael “Vagina-Kicker” Lohan might have a somewhat valid point about something, that’s really no excuse to give him a platform. Plus, there was plenty to talk about with Lindsay’s arrest and everything, and as it turns out, Michael Lohan was barely part of any of that. He might see himself as the self-appointed Greek chorus of this crack-tragedy, but he is not. And besides all of that, I was just waiting to hear what crack-delusions Dina Lohan, Mother Crackie herself, would have to spread about Lindsay’s arrest. I really hate that Dina did not drop an old-school “THE PROOF IS IN THE FACTS!” on us. Sigh.
Lindsay Lohan’s mother, Dina, has released a statement to RadarOnline.com about her daughter’s recent legal troubles and Thursday morning arrest asking for privacy and noting that the tough times bring their family closer together.
“At this time I kindly ask that you extend to my family the time we need to address my daughter’s circumstances with the appropriate parties. As a mother you always love and pray for the best with all your children,” Dina said.
“Our family’s bond grows deeper and stronger during the tough times and I am beyond proud of all of my children for the love and devotion they provide for each other.”
Dina goes on to say that she will stand by Lindsay — and all of her children — no matter what.
“We are there for and stand by one another unconditionally. Many thanks to all that have expressed concern for my daughter,” she said. “Your compassionate thoughts and prayers are received with my deepest gratitude.”
Lindsay, 26, was arrested and charged with third-degree assault after she allegedly hit fellow partier Tiffany Eve Mitchell on Thursday morning at a Manhattan nightclub.
Just hours later, Lindsay was formally charged with three misdemeanors by the Santa Monica City Attorney for lying to police about her June car accident on the Pacific Coast Highway when her Porsche slammed into the back of a big-rig.
Dina’s ex-husband and Lindsay’s father, Michael Lohan, exclusively told RadarOnline.com of Lindsay’s bar brawl arrest:
“Both [Dina] and Lindsay are in a dark place. I TOLD you exactly what would happen and YOU KNOW I was trying to get Dina on board with me for a long time, BUT especially the last two weeks. Lindsay is acting out in numerous ways because she needs us and internally she’s hurt and angry! Again, it’s ALL on Dina and I wish to God she would stop and resolve things with us to do the same for our children.”
One, it is NOT “all” on Dina, you crack monster. It takes two cracked-out disasters to raise a delusional psycho like the Cracken, and congrats Michael, you totally did your part. As for Dina’s statement…I’d like to fix it for you:
“At this time I kindly ask that you extend to [me and my case of tequila] the time we need to address my daughter’s [crack-headedness] with the appropriate parties [meaning I’ll call her lawyer and manager and tell them Lindsay will pay them in blow and services from now on if they save her ass from this crack escapade]. As a mother you always love and pray for the best with all your children, [especially when one special child is paying all of your bills and has been since she was 14 years old so I just can’t say ‘no’ to that crackface, amirite?]”
“Our family’s bond grows deeper and stronger during the [crack] times and I am beyond proud of all of my children for the love and devotion they provide for each other. [They had to learn how to provide that love and support for each other because I was such an awful mother, it’s like my kids would have been better off being raised by crack wolves.]”
“We are there for and stand by one another unconditionally [unless we can turn state’s evidence against the other one for a sweet plea deal, in which case CALL ME!]. Many thanks to all that have expressed concern for my daughter [Yes, she will be honoring all of her escort gigs for now]. Your compassionate thoughts and prayers are received with my deepest gratitude [because that’s what everybody needs to be doing right now, praying for a dumb crackhead who can’t go one month without screwing up. Screw praying for homeless people or veterans or refugees or the victims of Hurricane Sandy. Pray for Crackie.]”
Photos courtesy of WENN, Fame/Flynet and Pacific Coast News.
“…and I am beyond proud of all of my children for the love and devotion they provide for each other… [And for the money and fame they they have provided me.]”
The fact that she is talking about their family bond getting stronger is ridiculous. At some point you should want your children to bond with other people and create their own families. She acts like LL is 12 and she and the vagina kicker have just separated. That us against the world mentality is so damaging.
Well, we know where Lilo gets her delusion from.
Problem is, WE know she’s delusional but SHE thinks her every thought is logical, persuasive, and sensible. So she “releases statements” because she isn’t embarrassed by how much of a ridiculous, lying broken record she sounds like. Any other person with a working brain would be a tad shamed by now that they’ve said the same thing for 10 years and the situation is only getting worse while they continue to deny it. That’s some fabulous gin in her flask, I must say.
she is seriously out of her bloody mind
No kidding!!! Shes out of her mind!
I can’t even find this girl’s situation sad anymore. She’s been given all the chances in the world. ‘Compassion’ and ‘forgiveness” ain’t working, she NEEDS to do some sort of sentence for one of the many charges there’s been against her. Spend some time way away from all the f*ckery her family enables, and her friends too. Cold turkey. And then maybe she’ll get her train at least partly back on the rails..for awhile.
While all the people out there who are compassionate and forgiving with Crackie, she takes their kindness as a weakness and exploits it for her own purposes. It’s so obvious, every time someone is nice to her, she steps all over them to lift herself higher (even if it doesn’t work). She needs a GOOD swift kick in the pants and some real-world consequences for her behaviour, like a few years behind bars.
The crack doesn’t fall far from the tree, it seems.
Michael Lohan is a massive ass but he’s less delusional than Dina IMO. How tragic is that?!!?
Today’s letter is the letter “D”. The following words begin with the letter D: Dina, Delusional, and Dumbass.
Don’t forget Drunk.
Demented, debauched and degenerate applicable too – and disgraceful.
Diseased dumbass.
and disgusting!
I’m just waiting for the article that says Dina has been slung in the same cell as her Crack spawn for trying to Cracktunnel her out of jail.
Speaking of spawn, wtf has happened to Ali?
Seriously considering the scenario that this sociopath has sold her to some Korean crack magnate in order to pay her crack debt.
Now, December’s only a day away, so – all together now –
“Lindsay the red-nosed crackhead,
Had a very f*cked up nose,
And if you ever saw it,
You would even say-
WTF, IT’S VOLDEMORT!!!!!!!”
Mimimiii…
(joins Amelia)
“Lindsay the red-nosed crackhead,
Had a very f*cked up nose…”
Thanks for that laugh!
Ha ha ha! Gold!
Ugh they are like a family of cockroaches.
Alot of people have bad parents so as horrid as they are the truth is its all on Lindsay.
Oh my lord, those turquoise shorts.
The worst crime of them all.
I’m an atheist, but I’ll say it again: OH MY LORD.
Why does she release a statement? She has zero credibility, zero respect as a parent and is clearly delusional. Fact is, if she hadn’t been drunk off her skull at home she probably would have been with Lindsay when it happened.
Ha! Yeah, sometimes it’s better to just shut-up. And at this point, what can you possibly say about Lindsay without either lying or being mean?
You could say she makes a good object lesson.
So we’ve just opened a new door on the Crackvent calendar, and it’s not even Dec. 1 yet!
I’m wondering why Dilusion still doesn’t get that she’s a huge part of her Crackie’s circumstances
… off to down a huge Crackmopolitan…
that’s cause Lilo is not only following in Dina’s footsteps, she’s supporting the path..
Dina is an idiot, she should care more about getting her daughter help than getting her high. I hope that pride keeps her warm when her daughter winds seriously injuring someone else or dead.
oh, and Michael talked “exclusively” to a lot of folks yesterday..
Lindsey is just the embodiment of Dina…same skin, knees!, mannerisms, face, etc…Dina’s skin in that last picture makes me want to slip her into a vat of Nivea. Yucks.
Dina has Le-Ann thighs…
WOW Dina, how cracked out delusional does one have to be to be proud your daughter got charged not just in one state but 2 states in the same day on opposites coast???!!! Never mind the photos above answer that question. I’m just surprised she wasn’t with Blohan Thursday (you know to keep her away from all those that are a bad influence on her and all). Birds of a feather… Must get the mother/daughter discount from their dealer….Michael is a whole other monster unto himself… Those two are a perfect examples of people that should not be able to raise children…. Narsasstic, immature, and the list goes on for both of them.. And they passed that DNA on to Lindsay.
Christmas is Coming,
Her rap sheet’s getting fat
Please do pour some vodka in the old
Cracken’s hat
If you have no vodka, some crack or cigs
will do
If you have no crack or cigs, then Gaga
bless you!
Happy cracky holidays, everyone! 🙂
And a blessed Crackie Christmas to you too! Take Care now!
You know I came close to almost feeling sorry for the crackenmonster with parents like she does. But she’s had plenty of time to get away from them and straighten herself out. So I don’t feel sorry for her at all.
“I am proud of all my children”
Somebody has to be!!!
“I’m proud of ALL my children…” sayeth Pimp Mama Crackhead, “but Linnocent never fails to bring the f*ckery *ahem* I mean MONEY, so I’m MOST proud of her.”
Didn’t her Dad make a statement, too? Why do these people always insist on making statements? Do they really think we care?
A check is a check, baby, no matter WHO it comes from. That’s how the Clan of the Cracken rolls!
From the comments to the Crackmas carols, I just love y’all.
Dina will do/say anything to protect her only source of income.
Rehab will not be an option, right? None of the charges are related to drug or substance abuse. Not the theft, the lying to the cops about the car accident… rehab cannot be on the table right? RIGHT?
I think it’s – funny? Sad? Lame? Idk – that she said Sam and she were both in dark places and implied that Sam had troubles that lended to the end of that relationship. Where are Sam’s problems now? Girl they left with the crack monster. I bet Wilmer Valderrama sits back and thinks hard about the bullet he misses getting out early early.
I’ve been home with my bronchitis-ridden son for two days now, and I must say, reading all the crack Christmas carols has kept my tired ass laughing through all the coughing. Is that wrong? 🙂
Now I know why Lindsey is so messed up. She is an enabler.
If I got arrested or acted like Lindsay my mom would kick my ass 🙂
And if my mom acted like that, I’d kick her ass!
Dina looks horrid in those shorts, although she and Linds could be sisters; Lindsay is looking just as rough. I’m all for mother – daughter bonding, but the problem w/ their relationship is….everything about it! Sometimes when people say, “My daughter is my best friend”, it’s not a good sign. Yes, being close is great, but children need good parents more than parents trying to be cool or party with them, etc.
Dina is like an ostrich burying its head (sorry ostriches, no offense)…
I’m pretty sure those kids WERE raised by crack wolves.
This woman is batshit crazy!!! The level of stupidity you have to anchieve to says stuff like that and apparently believe then is an amazing thing to see.
Oh dear…
Delusional Dina thinks we’re all stupid & her darling daughter (whose internal organs and face are existing on borrowed time) will be ok if we all pray for her!!!
Crackie mentality – its astounding that the genetic evolution hasn’t done away with this particular gene pool!!
Dina, just save it for the eulogy.
As terrible as it sounds, we all know that Lohan is headed for an early grave – and then watch how this family goes completely berserk in an attempt to milk it for every penny.
What did her nose look like before she had it chopped off?
what a joke, crack head #1
Kaiser, you have outdone yourself!
Your posts are always amusing, but this one had me in stitches from top to bottom, partly because of Dina’s cracktastrophic expression in the top photo, partly because you are a genius of humor and Crackmas tales. Brava!
I really think Celebitchy should celebrate the holidays with an open Crackmas carol competition. The commenters here are worthy.
I think Lindsay’s dad is always getting the short end of the stick.
Yes, he wasn’t a good husband (can you imagine being married to Dina) or a good father. He has his own issues with alcohol and anger. HOWEVER, since Lindsay’s addiction has became serious he has stuck by her. Whenever he releases a statement that addresses the details of Lindsay’s addiction or what needs to be done to get her better, he has been dead on. He knows his stuff, not just as an addict, but as someone who has done extensive reading on the subject. And, this is coming from someone who is a certified addiction counsellor. No one else is doing anything to help Lindsay.
People ride Michaael because he makes comments to the media. What else is there left for him to do? Lindsay is refusing to listen to anyone. The rest of Linday’s family is also refusing to listen. Talking to the media is a plea for Lindsay to get help, and for others in her life to get her help. Perhaps if Lindsay or someone else hears it enough they will finally do something about it.
In contrast to Michael, we have Lindsay’s mother, Dina. She has the emotional capacity of a 14 year old. She is narcisstic to the core, as dumb as dirt (she can’t even speak coherently) and when she has been interviewed or photographed with Linday, it is Lindsay who comes across as the mature one. How sad is that? How many pics have I seen of Dina drunk or stoned and Lindsay is holding her up with a sad look in her eyes. Dina has her own addiction issues, but she refuses to get help. She refuses to educate herself or to admit Lindsay has a problem. It is fairly obvious from her behaviour and the crap she spews that she has never consulted with an addiction counsellor. Instead, she enables her. How bad does it have to get before she does something to help her daughter? She will sit back and let Lindsay die because she refuses to do anything but suck money out of her.
And Linday will die. Because addiction is called a disease for a reason. An addiction will continue to get worse until an addict has lost all control over their life, and eventually it will result in death, unless they get help. Addiction takes exactly the same trajectory as any other serious disease. Most addicts have to be forced into treatment.
Michael is at least trying to prevent that from happening.
Sweet mother – her legs in those shorts – chicken wings. “Dad, she’s doing coke”!
As Michael K once said, she’s Enablerham Lincoln.
Well Dina standing by your child, I get, but look at how well that has been working? …NOT You may want to come up with another strategy!
Lindsay’s parents are despicable. Her mother is an enabler, and her father is a shameless attention whore with no regard for any of his children. Not that it excuses Lindsay’s actions, but I agree she probably would have been better off raised by wolves.
That last photo is all the information I need.
Dina looks YOUNGER than LiLo. Does she drink Lindsay’s blood to stay youthful or what?
This woman is disgusting and everything a mother should not be. She wouldn’t care what her children got up to just so long as they continued to bring in the money.