The second oldest Duggar daughter Jill, 23, was married on Saturday in Springville, Arkansas to 25 year-old Derick Dillard. Derick, who has done missionary work in Nepal, was vetted and introduced to Jill by her father, Jim-Bob. The couple had been engaged for about about 10 weeks.
People Magazine has photos from the wedding along with details of the reception, which was attended by a whopping 1,000 people including over 100 family members alone. The reception was organized by volunteers at their church and it sounds like they had a lot of great food but no booze. I’m making that assumption based on People calling the wedding “family friendly” but I doubt the Duggars would have actual alcohol at one of their weddings. We’ll know soon enough when this very special wedding episode airs on 19 Kids and Counting later this year. Here’s some of People’s coverage:
The small town of Springdale, Arkansas, grew by more than 1,000 people this weekend, to include a large accumulation of Duggars celebrating the nuptials of the second daughter in a family of 19 kids.
At the family-friendly wedding and reception for Jill, 23, daughter to Jim Bob, 48, and Michelle, 47, of TLC’s hit reality show 19 Kids & Counting, and new husband Derick Dillard, greeting and feeding the masses went like clockwork in true Duggar fashion.
“I’m so grateful to all the volunteers who helped put everything together for the wedding,” Michelle tells PEOPLE. “Everyone has worked hard and done an amazing job.”
Part of that job included making more than 600 cupcakes, 3,000 chocolate-chip cookies and 3,000 root-beer floats for guests to enjoy.
Tables divided into sweet and salty snacks were set up around the grounds of the Cross Church, where the bride and groom said their “I Dos” and guests formed a long, winding line to have a chance to wish the new couple well in their marriage.
More than 100 immediate family members were in attendance, as were guests from more than 30 states, according to Jim Bob…
An emotional Dillard – who asked people at the rehearsal dinner to pray for his mother, Cathy, who is battling cancer – was overjoyed she was able to attend the wedding.
The traditional ending to the ceremony marked the couple’s first kiss – a moment both Jill and Dillard were anticipating.
“I think it is safer and makes it more special to wait to kiss until your wedding day,” Jill told PEOPLE when she and Dillard, 25, entered into a courtship. “To save the physical side of your marriage for your wedding day and not going further than you should – we want to have no regrets.”
[From two stories on People.com]
Derick lost his father to cancer about six years ago. His mother is currently battling cancer and had to leave the hospital to attend the wedding. People has a photo of one of the displays at the wedding, which was Derick’s late father’s police uniform hanging next to a wedding gown. I assumed that the gown was Derick’s mom’s dress, but it’s Jill’s mom Michelle’s wedding dress. (Maybe they wanted to use Derick’s mom’s dress and she didn’t save hers.) At the rehearsal dinner, Derick asked everyone to pray for his mom, who couldn’t make it that night. He said “Anyone who has been through [cancer] knows what it is like, and if everyone could think of her, I know she would really appreciate it.” That detail really touched me, and I bet it meant so much to his mom to be able to go to the wedding.
I have mixed feelings about this story. They look like a sweet couple and I hope they’re happy. I also hope that Jill sees another path for herself other than having child after child, but that’s of course up to her.
Photos via Facebook
I’m sorry, I had to chuckle at ‘Mr. & Mrs. Jim Bob’. And… 1000 people!? There were less than 30 people in attendance at my wedding ceremony and even that was too many for me. I would have run away long before the big moment with that kind of pressure, but I guess she has grown up in front of an audience. Blech.
We eloped to avoid a circus.
I did too. I highly recommend it!
We eloped, too. No drama.
We didn’t elope, per se. We got married with my parents, kids, two close friends, and our pastor married us on the beach where we had our first date & got engaged.
It was nice and peaceful, didn’t require compromise on either of our sides, didn’t require the city/state permits for use of the beach, and we got married on the date we wanted.
Yay for eloping! I’m not married but when my single friends tell me they have their weddings all planned out, I say that I have my venue picked out – the county court house. I actually really like a lot of weddings but I’d hate to have one!
We did a reception line to greet everyone at the church so we could enjoy the actual reception without feeling like we had to hang out with every single guest. The thought of shaking hands with 1000 people makes me break out in a cold sweat.
A 1000 people seem like a nightmare.
I would like a small wedding one day, but I have at least 50 people of my own, and that’s the bare minimum, and my family isn’t even a big one.
Yeah, I know how you feel, I would love a small wedding, but my family is big, and my bf’s family is huge.
Such is my life.
I would have loved to have like 40 people – but fiance’s family of just aunts, uncles and first cousins is around 60. So we’re currently waiting on the 70 invites to come in for the 100+ people we’ve invited. And that’s WITH cuts.
Our families aren’t exactly small, but I insisted the ceremony was immediate family only. My sisters were my maids, my husband’s cousin was his best man — his dad played the celtic flute. We held it at a friend’s beach front house, mum and I decorated everything and I got my ice blue 30’s gown for $100 from J Crew. After the ceremony, we had about 50 more people to a catered reception at the house. Maybe it’s just me, but I’m usually relieved to be spared the intimate parts of a wedding and thrilled to dress up and bring presents to the after party. Either way, it was low cost, low key and nobody was left out!
1000 people, holy crap. how do you even know so many people? and how much did this thing cost? insane. we had 24 people people at our wedding (we invited 40, but hurricane irene c-blocked people’s travel plans), and i thought that was a lot. lol.
Yeah and despite making $95,000+ per episode, he got ladies volunteers to bake 600 cupcakes and chocolate chip cookies for guests. Plus I’m sure TLC paid for any other costs. He’s notoriously cheap.
I saw the pics on People and thought Jill looked pretty and I do think she and Derick are a good match, but it really bugged me that Michelle had to have HER wedding dress hanging at the wedding for anyone who wanted to see. Yeah, Derick’s rather’s uniform was hanging there but that was a token of respect and remembrance since he had passed away (I believe he was a police officer), but Michelle isn’t dead! I just found that to be so narcissistic. Sheesh, let your daughter have one day that’s hers! It doesn’t always have to be about you and Jim Bob!
they make 95k/episode? no wonder they can afford having that many kids.
I had no idea they were pulling in that kinda dough
The thing about Michelle’s dress is irksome to me too. Why would anyone care to look at that dress? It’s not like Michelle has passed away or is some famous or valuable celebrity.
I get the whole ‘waiting for marriage’ idea but no kissing?
How do you get the feel of your sexual chemistry with someone if you don’t, at least, kiss?
maybe I’m just a whore
Then I am whore too. (flashes “the good china” at the thread and runs away cackling)
Adds To the Whores Parade! (My grammy just told me yesterday who Marries today without sampling the buffet?! And she just turned 91! LOL)
This one likes her headbands LOL
QQ – my grandmother who’s 89 said recently “If there was as much birthcontrol back then as there is now, I’d be out having some fun” hahaha. I lost it.
Their decision and I understand it…my cousin was the same way; she didn’t make a huge fuss about it to everyone but the only reason she would bring it up is because people would make huge deal about asking if she was waiting to kiss. It’s like they couldn’t wait to ask just so they could cast judgement on her decision. Her answer was that she just felt more comfortable waiting until marriage to kiss because she didn’t want ‘one thing to lead to another’.
One thing leading to another is my idea of a great night. After being married for a while, you know based on the evening kiss “helllo” if there will be any hanky panky. I kinda miss (and it’s really the only thing I miss) is the hot and heavy make-outs, foreplay and not knowing where its going or who’s doing what to whom, etc. Sex isn’t boring, just more predictable. We still try to fit in random make-outs and feeling each other up, but regardless, if we kiss for longer than 2 mins at a time we’re smooshing parts. I liked the anticipation.
Chicagogurl
I missed that at a point.
Things dulled and got predictable. Then we stopped thinking about it. Once you forget how predictable it gets and wishing for that hot and heavy leadup/anticipation things become fun again.
And that will wreck a marriage! Searching for that lust at the start will lead you from relationship to relationship.
Or you can just get into experimenting.
FLORC — our sex life is great and varied, but I sometimes miss that anticipation of a guy dropping you off and not knowing if you’re going to kiss or what sex will be like tonight. We know each other well and have tells. We spice it up a bit here and there to keep it interesting but there are just those “firsts” you can’t get back and the more we’re together the less “firsts” we have. It’s so comforting and awesome, but there’s a 2% there that sometimes misses those firsts. I still get butterflies and belly flops from this man, all-in-all I count myself very lucky.
I don’t really get that. Christians kind of confound me. I don’t mean to offend, I just don’t really understand any organized religion actually. I don’t get why some things from the bible are cherry picked out as things to follow (waiting until marriage for sex or gay marriage) while other things are tossed out (slavery and not eating certain foods). And many of those are fundamentalist beliefs that obviously don’t apply to all Christians, which also confuses me – the interpretation of the bible seems to shift as progressive acceptable behavior does. I’m not trying to judge whatever is in your heart and what is right to you; I just get confused as an atheist as to how it works and why it does.
I don’t think the sexual chemistry matters to them as much. They’re raised to believe that sex is for procreating. Not for fun.
You beat me to that answer. 😉
Yup. I have a few fundamentalist friends, and this is totally their line of thought when it comes to sex. (also that if that man has a good time it’s fine, but if the wife wants something more exciting there is something wrong with her)
I hope those two bang until they pass out. Mr& Mrs. Jim Bob?? Omg, that is hilarious. I am going to start calling my cat Jim Bob, just to see if it pisses him off. I am sorry about Derrick’s parents. Cancer sucks-both my parents died drom it. I hope she gets better. Good thoughts her way-I’m off to call the cat Mr. Jim Bob.
@L
That’s EXACTLY the problem I have with these people. It’s gonna be fun for the guy, procreation or not (yeah, i know men can be raped and ejaculation does not automatically mean he enjoyed it blah blah, but lets be realistic here, he’s gonna like making the babies). Like fairyvexed wrote a few comments down: These philosophies aren’t just about denying sexuality, they’re denying FEMALE sexuality. It’s the power imbalance that makes this so disgusting to me.
Please let me know how your cat takes to “Jim-Bob” PLEASE! ha ha
And sex purely for procreation sounds so barbaric and therefor very unholy. Hasn’t God told them that?
I don’t think sexual chemistry is a priority for them.
He looks very corpsey – not very kissable to my eyes – but compared to Jim bob I guess he looks good.
LMAO!!! I love your comment and agree. FTN for real. No kissing.
OT: they look like brother and sister.
Eh, I don’t get it either but if that’s what they want to do, well, whatever. They can deal with whatever the result is, good or bad. I really don’t care as long as people don’t make a big deal out of it. It’s a personal decision.
I had a friend who was (maybe still is, we don’t keep in touch) like that, but VERY vocal. It was irritating, at best. She’d make a huge deal about going with guys, give us lectures, and obsess about every scrap of attention any man ever gave her, even if it was merely one of the guys in the dorm saying good morning in the common room.
@Wren
But she wasnt raised in an environment where we could reasonably consider this a free and informed choice though. She has been instructed that anything but this choice will anger God and possibly send her to hell. Then her parents and her community also for some reason have a stake in her choice. Defying them could have dire consequences, people are often shunned in such communities for going against the grain. This isnt free choice. This is coercion without force.
Actually my friend was raised in a similar fashion, except she was allowed to go to college and her father did not select her a mate. It was weird the way she was sheltered and how her family dictated how her personal relationships should go. Different religion, I don’t remember what one, but I thought it was all very strange.
Exactly Wren! Michelle and JB keep saying it’s the girls’ choice but they know no other way and JB and Michelle are so restrictive in their authority and control of their children, even those who are already adults, that they can’t even go shopping on their own without an “accountability partner” or talk privately (the parents see all the texts and hear all the phone calls. Every single thing is monitored. They aren’t allowed to read secular books or listen to secular music, and despite what they say about education, the girls are certainly not encouraged to pursue a real education at an accredited university, not even a Christian one. I believe it’s because they might actually meet people or see/hear things that challenge their mindset and what their parents have told them. They certainly are not encouraged to question or think for themselves. They aren’t allowed to wear clothing that might cause lust in the minds of men… they believe that is the fault of the woman and therefore SHE needs to be the one to wear long clothing that covers her, rather than teaching the men self control. They follow the teachings of Bill Gothard who is under investigation for sexually molesting and harassing tons of young women in his religious organization (Jim Bob is, I believe, on the board of it). They follow his beliefs in everything like how kids should be taught to always appear happy because not doing so is disrespectful to their parents. When any of the boys are started to question they are sent off to one of Gothard’s ATI camps that are basically bootcamp and heavy praying and guilt for questioning their parents. These kids have no chance to explore who they are or what they really want because they haven’t even been allowed to see what is out there, just like they haven’t been allowed to even hug or even hold hands before getting engaged!! I do think this marriage might work but I worry about their other daughter Jessa who is courting a boy who is 18 and I’m not as confident he’s a good match for her. At least Derick went to a regular State university and is an accountant. He’s been allowed to experience life in addition to his religion, so I’m hoping he’ll help Jill grow and experience things a bit more.
Yep, you’re a whore. You dirty mouth-kisser 🙂
I wonder how awkward their first sex was, or if this is all bs and they’ve been humping in the haystack for years now.
I was in a relationship for 2 years- no kissing. We had the occasional peck on the cheek, but we couldn’t sit too close on the couch or anything like that. At the time it didn’t bother me (we were Catholic fundamentalists) but now I realize how unsatisfying it was.We were more like friends. Now it’s a bit embarrassing being a 22 year old woman who has never kissed a guy before!
Silly question, but when a couple has that many people at their wedding reception do you really get a chance to chat or even know all of them? I am getting ill just thinking of the cost of a reception for that many people!
But congrats to the couple and it is nice the groom’s mother was able to attend
Probably not! My friend had 1000 people at her wedding … the couple knew maybe 200 of them! The rest were invites from both families so that it “looked right” and that people wouldn’t get upset. Often these big weddings are more for the parents than for the ones getting married ….
Ha, well, I had a paltry-by-comparison 160 at my wedding and I didn’t even know everybody!
LoL I hear ya though! I think if Mr Snazzy and I ever get married, we’ll probably elope … too many people otherwise. And then have a bbq just for our friends … that sounds way more fun … hmmm, maybe we should have the bbq anyway ….
Poor girl.
If you dont sample the material how do you know you want it FOREVER.
seriously. people are insane. you test drive a car before you buy it, and that’s just a freaking car! not having sex with your future spouse, who, theoretically, will be your spouse for life – INSANE.
I waited until my wedding night to have sex with my husband. I have no regrets and we have a great, fulfilling sex life 12 years letter. I wouldn’t judge you for hooking up before marriage, so keep your judgements to yourself.
There is ZERO shame in abstaining (or having) sex before marriage. ZERO. The bad thing about this is that they don’t have a choice. Because they are both being brainwashed and browbeaten by both sets of parents to do THEIR relationship this way.
If they had decided, as a couple, that they weren’t going to have sex until they were married, then I would find nothing wrong with that. But they didn’t. They’re raised to think that sex is something that is disgustingly sinful and shameful and to not have sexual feelings/thoughts/actions (even by themselves), and then are expected to miraculously have them right after they get married–generally after a short courtship.
of course we’re all judging each other, it’s be silly to deny that we don’t. if and when people grow up to be free to choose what they do with themselves and their bodies, that’s great, whatever they decide to do (as long as it doesn’t harm others, clearly). i was saying it’s beyond my understanding.
When you marry within a religious context, marriage is bigger than just what happens in the bedroom.
My husband is the only man I’ve been with. Doing just fine and happy with what I’ve got for the rest of my life. It may not be the way you or many other commenters on here would do things but it works for some people if that is your culture/religion.
i’m completely non-religious, but marriage to me is WAY more than “just what happens in the bedroom.” (although sex is a huge and important part of it, of course.) if it wasn’t, i wouldn’t be married to the man i’m married to. people of certain religions or culture do not have the monopoly on how deep and meaningful the concept of marriage is. 🙂
I enjoy hearing that perspective Meri. It has a lot to recommend it. Hubs and I waited and we have an awesome marriage in and out of the bedroom.
@Meri – “When you marry within a religious context, marriage is bigger than just what happens in the bedroom.” — Couples feel this way regardless of religious association or lack thereof. Even for those engaging in pre-marital sex, you learn pretty early on that sex doesn’t make a good relationship, it just makes for good sex. Any *mature* adult knows that a relationship has many different layers to it.
Was hoping I would read this at some point.
It can’t be just about the bedroom… or kitchen table… You need to be able to bond in your day to day life. You can have oodles of chemistry in bed and nothing outside of it. and the exact opposite. Loads of things in common and interests, but nothing in the bedroom.
Still. I’m very glad I had my fun before marriage. It helps me to appreciate my husband and our life together all the more. I don’t think I could love him as much as I do without having experienced the good and the bad before him. It’s about perspective. And these girls might be happy, but their definition of happiness might change with perspective.
I’m with you. All the people who are so proud of waiting have no real idea what they’ve missed out on. They just can’t. This whole construct is for men to have power over women, anyway. I’d never be proud of being controlled by one man after another.
Is it possible that people who don’t wait also have no real idea of what they’ve missed out on? Without judging either decision one way or the other, it seems to me that a lot of choices exclude full knowledge or experience of an alternative option. If I never do drugs, I won’t really know what I’m missing, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t make the right choice for me. Whether I chose not to got to college, or not to take a year or two off before going to college, I won’t fully understand the experience of the choice I didn’t make. That’s why maybe it’s a good idea to at least seek understanding of others’ choices rather than writing them off simply because you didn’t choose the same thing.
Mmmhmm. I understand it. I grew up around it, and believe you me plenty of girls who grow up in families like this know that they are controlled and mistreated just by being tirelessly encouraged to wait. It’s all brainwashing to perpetuate this creepy white christian bloodline of theirs. I’ve spent plenty of time thinking about it, and I’m not writing them off. I’m saying they damage these girls and it’s a crappy way to live life, dangerous to the rest of us even.
Sorry, I can’t get down with this “don’t judge” trope, either. In fact, it’s a pretty similar thing, discouraging people from judgment. How to you expect to have your own opinions if you don’t judge? Opinions, free thought, independence all require judgment. But no, don’t judge. Why bother even thinking for yourself at all?
I agree with you that when it comes to the Duggers it is hard to see their kids as anything other than brainwashed. They certainly aren’t free to make their own choices and both the daughters and sons have been brought up in a stifling, patriarchal system that they are not allowed to question. I certainly wouldn’t want this for my daughter. I was responding to the suggestion in your previous comment that ALL the people who are proud of waiting have no idea what they’ve missed out on and the implication that they are all by extension part of the same controlling construct. I certainly did not mean to imply that we shouldn’t ever judge others–one must judge constantly. I, for instance, have judged that the “they don’t know what they’re missing” argument is a flawed basis for judgment.
Interesting defense for “judging”, Nerd Alert. Curious to see how it would be tolerated if both sides of this particular issue spoke broadly. We wouldn’t want any “slut shaming”.
what exactly are people who decide to wait are missing out on?
STD? unwanted pregnancy? the guy leaving you because the only thing he really wanted was sex? etc.
@jessica – part of the human experience. passion, loss, emotional development, joy, sorrow. you know, the works. it’s not all STDs, unwanted pregnancy, and people who use each other “just” for sex. if you want people to respect that you (or someone) is waiting, then you need to respect the fact that others don’t.
@ Jessica ~ First, I’ve never had an STD and I’ve been having sex off and on for 30 years next year. (Haven’t had sex in seven years by choice.) Second, I’ve never had a guy leave me after we had sex. Breaking up usually had to do with personality differences or his immaturity. Third, not waiting until marriage to have sex afforded me different experiences and the ability to find out what I like. Each man has brought a different color to my palette and I get to be the artist. Had I waited until after my fiance and I had gotten married, I would not know anything other than a certain type of sexual satisfaction; having known other men since him, I know what I require to have complete sexual satisfaction. And that is something I wouldn’t trade for the world.
Definitely, to each their own, but your negativity toward those who don’t wait to have sex until marriage is not looking at women individually. The only one out of your list that I have had was an unEXPECTED pregnancy, and had I not just been taking Accutane, I would be telling you about the wonderful child that was made from having sex before marriage. For the record, I know many a married woman whose children were unexpected and even unwanted!
So basically, you say its ok to judge them because they’re christian. Is it ok to judge gay people for being gay? Is it ok to judge people based on race? Personally, I’d say no to all of these. Why is it okay to judge Christians?
All the stuff about Jim Bob & Michelle aside, one of the major points you’ve been making is that people who wait are somehow lesser individuals because they chose to have some self control. If they wait until marriage, they are enslaved to a man. Because they chose not to have sex with that man until they had a diamond on their finger and half or all of their living expenses provided for them.
I may argue that someone who has sex without requiring any sort of commitment is enslaved to a man. He gets exactly what he wants and has to give nothing back. If you’re just using them for sex too, well, more power to you. But is that really happiness?
I didn’t wait to have sex until marriage. But I have SO much respect for those that do. And I don’t think they’re missing out on anything.
These people seem genuinely happy. More so than the teen moms with their illegitimate children and loser boyfriends I have seen on tv.
Yes they do. I wish them all the best.
I don’t see a lot of difference. In both scenarios, it’s all about sex and ignorance and men and boys controlling and defining female sexuality. There’s no respect in either scenario. It’s just they’re at opposite ends of the very same spectrum.
+1
@BReed So true.
“illegitimate children” is such an awful term. i wish people would stop using it.
Yes Ag I agree!! What is this 1900? Illegitimate to whom?
Children being raised by one parent are full members of society and people in their own right – full stop. How ignorant to say otherwise
@Ag
“illegitimate children” is such an awful term. i wish people would stop using it.”
THIS. And pretty much everything you said before in this thread 🙂
@gretchen
😉
Seem is the operative word here. They are selling a product. They all seem happy in the way that people eating the food at Olive Garden seem happy in Olive Garden commercials.
Jill doesn’t look that great in all the pics you’ve posted here, but I was shocked at how pretty she looked on her wedding day. Maybe the extra wedding makeup? I was surprised that I liked her dress and flowers a lot too. She really looked gorgeous. I hope she gets to branch out a little now that she’s out of Jim Bob’s house. I like that she’s a midwife already (although not a CNM or anything, because that would require secular schooling, God forbid!).
I think she’s adorable and thank goodness she hasn’t taken any hairstyle cues from her mom. Is that a perm? She looks like a poodle. And talk about “bangs trauma.” 🙂
Lmao I forget what show it was on, but I remember seeing something where they gave Michelle a makeover and straightened her hair, and she didn’t know what to do with herself. And of course Jim Bob was a douche about it and was all butthurt that they did away with his favorite hairstyle. She lasted all of a couple hours without the poodle hair.
In Gothardism, girls wear their hair as daddy likes it – and daddy Jim Bob likes it long and curly. When they marry, they wear their hair as hubby likes it.
Ugh that’s so messed up. They’re people not dolls.
I wish them the best of luck as they start their married life together after having never been alone in the same room. I hope they can grow together and find a way to shed the cloak of ignorance and misogyny under which they came together.
But I predict that after they figure out what goes where, they will start having children even though, mentally and emotionally, she has been kept a child herself, and they will pass along this “religion” of man is superior to woman, a woman’s role can only be in the home or as a midwife, a family should contribute to overpopulation by having 19 children and unmarried people can’t be trusted, to yet another lucky generation.
That was an incredibly kind and thoughtful post. My reaction from the gut was that these two, and the entire Duggar family, completely gross me out on so many levels, I can’t form an articulate response.
The whole thing grosses me out, too, but she has been brainwashed since birth to believe this. Maybe she can escape now. I hold her parents responsible for her ignorance, and my contempt for them is immeasurable.
With you Kiddo on this. And GNAT is being very generous. Thanks for the balance! But I am still grossed out.
It’s all well and good for them until a child identifies with being into their same sex. Then it becomes worse imo. I can’t really get behind any of it, but I can let it be until that happens. And depression happens. Ugh… This thread always brings me down.
And Well said GoodNames.
You nailed it, GOODNAMES! These are not sweet benevolent people. Their goal is to fill the world with brand new white babies.
This poor girl is illiterate and brainwashed and was raised in a sex-obsessed cult. He has crazy eyes. I just keep imagining how terrified she must have been on their wedding night. Imagine seeing Crazy Eyes come at you naked when you’ve only been allowed to “side hug” in front of your mother.
“Brainwashed” was actually the first thing that came to my mind when people commented she looked happy. Well, when you’ve been brainwashed into thinking that marrying young and having lots and lots of children is all you can and should expect from life, you might as well look happy.
I agree with everything you said except the comments on her husband. Jill is probably just about the luckiest girl in her cult. Derick has a college education, and though raised in a religious environment, is not actually in the cult (his mother wears pants – shocker!). He also has had prior girlfriends and comes from a small family. Derick also seems to have a warm and physically affectionate personality – something not always seen in this sexually repressed group. Those who still watch the show to snark, adore this guy. This guy was probably saved for Jill (even though Jana is older), because Jill is Jim Bob’s favorite daughter.
I think you’re probably right but I can’t help but hope that this daughter — or another one — somehow realizes she doesn’t have to perpetuate what her parents hath wrought. The right contact with “the real world” — maybe someone through her work — just might help her see the light and become her own 21st century woman. Granted it’s unlikely, but not impossible.
I used to be kind of obsessed with the Duggar clan and my hopes of one of the children having the courage to leave the lifestyle has greatly diminished. While it’s still possible, I feel it’s unlikely since EVERYTHING these kids come into contact with is monitored and, when adults, they live at home until married to a partner who has been screened so to speak to make sure they are just as committed to the lifestyle as the parent, thereby making sure the child doesn’t stray.
That being said, it is still possible and I also hope at least one of the children has the right contact with the real world and sees that there is more to life than what their parents have showed them. It wouldn’t be easygoing since the Duggar homeschool methods aren’t great, but with support it could happen.
As usual, GoodNames, you said it perfectly.
GoodNames, I can’t even raise any snark about this today–this reminds me of a fundamentalist couple (basically the same as the Duggars) that I know.
Now, I still think the husband is a freaking douchebag, but I am so glad that they did this. Me and my mom were in Walmart a few months ago, and we saw the wife. She had her new baby (#4). Now, I was mentally eye rolling (just a little bit), because she had a lot of health problems with her kids. During her pregnancy, she had kidney stones constantly, was on bedrest for nearly all three kids–and they basically told her that it’s because she had them too close together (she got pregnant within 3-4 months after having her kid AND she had a miscarriage as well), and all of her kids (except the last one) had to be in the NICU for significant amounts of time. And they’ve only been married for six years.
But anyway–we saw the baby, she was all cute, and the wife said that this was going to be her last one. And my mom said something like ‘I don’t believe you, because you said that the last time’, etc…and the wife said (YES!) that it was for real this time because she got her tubes tied!!!!!!!!!!
I felt like jumping for joy when she said that. Because there is nothing more demoralizing than seeing a woman that is just SO EXHAUSTED, because she’s pregnant and has two or three little ones to tangle after AND has a douchebag husband who doesn’t watch his kids (seriously, you have to get his attention if one of his daughters was doing something that they weren’t supposed to, and they’re in the same freaking room).
And I imagine that it was a really hard decision for them both, because they both came from really big families (10 & 11 kids) and did want a large family. And her father in law (which is where his douchebag son gets it from) probably had something to say about it (dick). But her health was not good. I mean, she looked a good fifteen years older than she actually was (she might be thirty by now), because she was always so exhausted (and pregnant). But now, for the past few years, she has been prioritizing her health and weight, so that’s really good.
Also–Just to go off on a mini rant, one thing I never understood w/fundamentalists is that if they wanted that many kids, why don’t they adopt? I mean, I mention it a lot because *I’m* interested in doing so, but I’ve never understood that. From what I’ve seen, a lot of fundamentalist couples only adopt if they have fertility problems. I mean, there are tons of kids who need homes……
@VC – these freaks do adopt and then they abuse their adopted kids. They read that sick book called To Train Up A Child then go get and “save” African kids then beat, torture and starve them to death. You don’t want these demons adopting children, let alone having any of their own. I am on my phone but just google some cases and you will find lots of horror stories. You can google ” Hana’s Story”. Slate.com did a great article on these Christian Fundamentalists and their abuse of adoptees. Hana was from Ethiopia and wasn’t as lucky as Dame Angelina’s daughter Zahara.
It makes me sad when all people seem to focus on is “omg they haven’t kissed/had sex” before they got married. I have plenty of South Asian and Muslim friends who have married in the same way and they are doing just fine.
Its not gross, its not weird. Its just different. Heaven forbid people not buy into modern style of dating/marriage (if it happens). The world is big enough for everybody.
They seem genuinely happy and I’d much rather see that than Kim Kardashian’s 4th marriage or Teen Moms or Sex in the City episode “we slept together and i dont know if we’re dating/he wont call me back/why cant I find a man”.
But the Duggars aren’t like your friends. Your friends are allowed to have their own lives and ambitions. Jill Duggar was raised in a home that taught that her greatest value as a female is her ability to have babies. She was raised in a homeschooling environment that provides such a menial education that neither she nor her siblings could ever be logically expected to progress to credible higher education. I have met many people who tried to “save it” for marriage, and its worked out fine. But we’d be remiss if we didn’t mention that marriages such as this one have been found statistically to often have higher rates of marital unhappiness and especially domestic violence. Do you really believe that a Duggar girl would be encouraged to divorce her husband, especially if they had children? I can’t imagine it. After all, Michelle is the person who taught whole classes about how to “submit” to one’s husband.
If you read the comment, it wasn’t about kissing or sex. It was about misogyny and controlling women via brainwashing. Seeming happy means the brainwashing worked.
@Molly
If you think they are “genuinely happy” then you have no clue as to where one finds genuine happiness. I think it’s in truth, in reaching your full potential, finding your passion in life and having a partner who knows, accepts and loves you for who you really are. This child doesn’t have a clue who she is. She’s never been allowed to think for herself, to make a mistake, to be out on her own and learn about life. You act as if there are only two alternatives out there. The Duggars or the Kardasians. Life isn’t like that. You can be careful in your choices and responsible without being brainwashed to believe that you were created to serve men and have 20 children and forgo an education or any dreams of your own, and raise your children to be the same. I’m not decrying the fact that they’ve never had sex. They’ve never been alone in the same room to have a conversation. But you think arranged marriages just delightful, so I doubt we will find a common ground.
“This child doesn’t have a clue who she is.”
What a presumptuous, obnoxious comment – with all due respect.
@Star
Putting “with all due respect” after a rude remark doesn’t keep it from being rude, but I expect you know that.
How could she know who she is? She’s one of 19 children raised in a cult by parents who have told her that women exist to serve men and have children. She has never been allowed to choose her own friends, what books to read, what cultural events to attend, she’s been “home-schooled” by her mother when she wasn’t babysitting the younger children, she’s been forced to be a parent while still a child, she’s been forced to marry a boy she’s never had a private conversation with…how in God’s name would she have a clue about who she is or what she wants? I don’t think that’s presumptuous at all. I think it’s common sense. It may be obnoxious, I really don’t care.
GoodNames, your comments aren’t obnoxious. Common sense is what I was thinking and you said it yourself. Sad, but true.
Slow clap for GoodNames. I agree with you 100%.
“I hope they can grow together and find a way to shed the cloak of ignorance and misogyny under which they came together.” PERFECT. but they won’t. it’s a self-perpetuating cult-like atmosphere with those fundamentalists, and their ilk, trying to “outbreed” the rest of humanity. and women running around free, thinking, getting an education, etc would be detrimental to their mission.
ps. @GNAT – i agree with you 100% on all your other comments. happiness, or recognizing long-term, enduring happiness does come from experience and from knowing who you are and what you want. had i not dated other men and slept with some of them, i prob would have never recognized what an amazing guy i met when i met my husband, and had not had the wisdom to lock that down. 🙂
Poor kids, all 19 of them. With Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar as their parents they never had a chance.
I’d heard they wanted to do missionary work overseas. How’s that going to work when you’re having a baby every year? It’s too bad they couldn’t wait a couple of years to start having children. But look at Josh and Anna. They’ve been married about four years and they have three already so that’s probably the fate of Jill too. Then again, maybe that’s what they want….I don’t think they worry about whether they can afford them or not.
Josh is a colossal asshole. Jessa’s boyfriend seems to be one too. but Derrick seems really nice? Or at least as nice as it goes for someone with that world view.
Maybe staying at home and having kids is better for the world as a whole than them doing “missionary work” to corrupt poor unsuspecting souls in other places.
Anna’s sister is pregnant with her ninth child and has just moved to Zambia with her husband and eight other, un-vaccinated children, to be missionaries. The last couple of years, the whole family has been living in a small tent trailer while travelling from church to church, looking for sponsorship. They have had to rely on the charity of others to feed their large brood, but the husband found the money to take flying lessons and buy a small plane to make HIS travels in Africa, easier. With her last baby, rather than getting her medical help, she was left in labour for days and had severe complications after the birth. Of course that didn’t stop them from getting pregnant again, immediately. Her lovely husband has even written about how their missionary work may result in death for some of their children, but that it is the sacrifice God is calling them to make. Theses people are zealots. Notice that their leader Bill Gothard’s fall from grace has never been mentioned, nor have their good friend Doug Phillips legal woes and ministry closure been addressed. TLC candy coats everything.
@Deanne – holy $hit. that’s awful. i can’t imagine subjecting my family to anything like that, in the name of anything. they really seem to have lost sight of what’s important.
I really hate the whole “We’ll let God decide” thing the Duggars preach about pregnancy. Well, when God decided that Josie (their youngest) needed to be born so early that she needed extensive medical care to survive, they were happy to use all that modern medicine could provide in order to save her life. If left “up to God” without modern medical intervention then Josie would not be here! So imo they want to have it both ways…preach about letting it be up to God what happens, but then using medicine when they want to. Clearly it was okay to use all the care the hopsital could give Josie, but birth control is evil and not okay. Michelle hands off the baby after about 6 months to a “buddy” to raise and do all the real parenting of teeth brushing, booboo kisses and potty training while she works on getting pregnant again with a new one. Plus she ha admitted she was not very patient and kind when her older kids were little and she actually had to be the one parenting all the little ones rather than being able to hand them off to her adult daughters to parent, but she expects her daughers and DILs to follow their lead and have as many kids as possible. No thought to her own health and that her current kids might need her to be alive and so not take the risk when doctors have told her not to get pregnant again. No thought to how to feed and clothe and house the kids (before TLC they lived in a 900 sq ft house and relied on charity to clothe the kids). No thought to if the kids emotional needs are being met or if they are getting enough attention? When she announced her last pregnancy (the one she lost), one of the boys was visibly upset.
In a way just as creepy and scary as Octo Moms kids are dealing with -and dude, like was mentioned, and like Octo Mom, has scary eyes.
Yeah, if they have 19 kids it will basically be like spending quality time with 1000 wedding guests.
This probably makes me horribly Judgy McJudgerson, but I just cannot with the whole “preserve your virginity” thing. I mean, I guess if it works for them, great. But it’s not what I’ll be promoting to my daughters.
It seems to espouse many notions I disagree with – 1. That sex outside of marriage is impure or unclean and makes the participant that as well, and, more disturbingly, 2. The “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free” theory which is just horrible all the way around. As though the only thing a woman has to offer is her sex. Or the only possible reason a man would want to marry you is for your vagina, not possibly your mind, or personality.
And, because I’m feeling cranky this morning – I really cannot imagine going into a marriage without knowing how the sex life is going to be. It’s like a grab bag – could be great, could be awful! It’s all too much for me.
The thing that bothers me, is that alot of women/men with this mindset (not all, but many), get married young. 18-23 young. And to me that feels like they are just getting married to be able to have sex, and not really learning about themselves. That all marriage is about is being able to do it.
Oh really? Tell me more. When do YOU think its acceptable for them to get married?
I understand about them never even being in the same room together, and I agree that the duggars lifestyle has many many many flaws. But to judge people based on how many people they’ve slept with and say they aren’t ready to get married if they haven’t hooked up with multiple partners, is stupidity. Even worse is this constant need to judge people based on what age they get married.
The success or failure of a marriage is not a statistic, it is work. So many people throw up their hands during bad times or decide that they’re not satisfied with the person they’ve promised their heart to anymore. In most cases, marriages end due to the selfishness of one or both people. Don’t go blaming it on age.
That’s the thing, you know enough to be scared of this situation. Jill doesn’t. How scary that for her this path isn’t just a good option, it’s the best and only option? I hope she’s happy. I wonder if any of the Duggar children will go rogue and have an “unclean” relationship any time soon?
You know what my mom told me recently about sex? She said that it is the most filthy, disgusting, beautiful thing in the world. OMG–I wanted to die. She said it with a straight face.
I don’t know about me–I am one of those really awkward people, who would find it hard to get naked in front of someone who isn’t my mom, so I can see myself saying that I’m going to wait until I get married/are in a long term relationship past 6 months……but that’s me.
One of the things I don’t like about fundamentalists (and trust me, I went to a church like that when I was younger) is that they talk about how sex is something that is sacred and should be between man and wife, but then if they ever elaborate, they completely make it out to be this disgusting thing. Like I get that the sex talk, with your kids is a little awkward and embarrassing–but they always talked about it like it was this taboo thing. You’d think that they would be a little more open about it, so that teenagers feel a lot more comfortable talking to them, about it, and their options–even if that option is to have sex.
You never know what could happen, and that is the great thing :). I had sex for the first time when I was 23. My thing was when I was younger was to just wait to have sex with someone who I liked, who liked me back, AND who treated me with respect. That man ended up being my husband. But I didn’t know at the time of having so much fun naughty hanky panky with him that he’d end up being my husband one day (my 22-23 year old self thought he’d be the first in a line of many LOL).
As long as you are making the choice for YOURSELF to wait, I think that’s great. The Duggar girls were never given a choice, or even allowed their own free thought. I will say that I am glad I had sex before marriage, because I would have been waiting a LONG time to do the horizontal, because it took my now husband a long time to propose (and he refused to let me propose to him haha).
True story – we have friends who have 9 kids already. They’re on the “quiverfull” plan, too. The wife is younger than I am and her oldest child is only 12. The other day she put on facebook that one of her kids was saying something about how babies are made and she was horrified. I just thought, “Um, you’re popping them out at a rate of 1 a year. Don’t you think they’re going to want to know how that’s happening?” Of course they homeschool, too.
You know who has some interesting perspectives on “abstinence only” education? Elizabeth Smart. The title of this article indicates “rape victims”, but really it applies to women/girls in general and the way they feel about how their worth is tied to their virginity: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/05/07/elizabeth-smart-abstinence-only-education_n_3231073.html
Oh, interesting. I’m off to meetings, but I’ll give this a read in awhile. Thanks for posting the link!
Elizabeth Smart makes good points, but as far as I know, she’s still a member of the Mormon church. LDS preaches only abstinence.
Wow, I never thought of the issues Elizabeth raised in that way, though I disagree with the abstinence-only line of thinking anyway, and do think it is damaging. However, I never thought about how such messages would make a rape victim feel worthless and hopeless. Yet another argument for why abstinence-only sex ed is a destructive joke.
What I explained to my mom was that it is equally as damaging to hold your virginity so high on a pedestal just as much as giving it away willy-nilly (for ME). I AM MORE THAN WHAT IS BETWEEN MY LEGS. Period. I also value what I have learned about myself and my relationships through exploring my sexuality. It made me more comfortable in my skin and confident in ways that extend outside the bedroom-and not because of my partners but because of the way I came to learn about myself physically and emotionally. If anything I feel like my sexuality has empowered me into a better rounded, more empathetic person and I can’t imagine isolating that part of me. But like I said, I am more than what’s between my legs (and what I can do with it) and my sexuality is just a facet of my whole being.
I really dislike how society in general makes such a big deal out of “virginity” too.
All I can think is how awkward it would be to me… to have dated a grown man… that I had extremely limited physical contact with. To suddenly throwing off the panties and getting down to business, after only one kiss. Where they ever alone throughout this courting period?
It just seems creepy to shelter an adult female like this…
I just hope she makes it at least 90 days, before she is pregnant. Just to get a break and have a child free life for a few weeks.
Jessa Duggar appears to be on the verge of getting engaged to Ben who is 18. I think she’s 20. Jessa doesn’t look too happy. I think if she had half a chance she’d be doing something else with her life.
I think Jessa sees this as a way out especially if her boyfriend, who seems quite awed by her, will let her get her own way on things. I see a defiant glint in her eye and really think she has some plans brewing.
“To suddenly throwing off the panties and getting down to business, after only one kiss. ”
THIS. I would get traumatized. It would be half bad if the guy was just as clueless but he probably had some before…
I’ve never seen the series as I live overseas so I’m just guessing: The kids are denied a proper sex education and masturbation is probably “a sin”, right? Do the wives-to-be get something like a quick briefing about what is going to happen in the wedding night?
My big concern is that maybe they’d be okay if they had received some proper sex education – but you know they haven’t! I used to work in a clinic that would have monthly sex education classes for teens – we were in an area that had a great many religious schools and the public school was teaching “abstinence only” education, so the classes were needed. A few times, I sat in on them to see what was going on. You would be FLOORED to see how many young adults do not have even basic anatomy and health knowledge! They truly do not understand the mechanics of how the body works (especially the girls!). They have been taught that bodies – especially “down there” – are sinful. They’ve never explored their own anatomy. Many of them were truly clueless as to how “the mechanics” worked. I can imagine that for them, being with another person could really be a trauma or terrifying.
Mind you, I was a very sexually conservative young person myself; I’ve only ever been with my husband and didn’t lose my virginity until I was in my 20’s and this was in 2001! BUT, I can’t imagine going from first kiss to losing my virginity in the same night. The in between stuff was so much fun!
I have a feeling they probably haven’t even had sex yet. A friend of a friend did the wait for marriage thing (she had been with one person before, her husband had never had sex before, she decided for both of them that they were going to wait til marriage), and they ended up waiting about 2 months before having actual sex. Because lo and behold, they had absolutely no sexual chemistry or compatibility on their wedding night.
As much as I don’t agree with the lifestyle of this family, Jill and Derrick seem like a lovely couple. Much more than the other sister and her guy. They really seem to be in love.
Jill also seems very nice and level headed.
Jill, Jinger (?) , Joy Anna and Josiah seem like the nicest people in the family, and Jana of course, but she always seems so sad.
SPOOKY I don’t want to argue but please remember what we are seeing has been carefully crafted. It is NOT the reality!
I know, but Jim Bob, Josh, Ben and the other male Duggars appear to be assholes even with the crafting.
Honestly, if it was, I like the fact that it was a dry wedding. I went to one for a cousin of mine last November, and it was honestly the nicest wedding I’ve been to. It kept things classy, simple, and no one had to put up with anyone’s drunken bs or stumbling around. I’ve been to too many weddings where I’ve seen or dealt with people’s drunken idiocy.
And she looked absolutely lovely. Congrats to the happy couple!
I’ve been to one dry wedding and it is one way to keep it brief. People were ready to go get a drink as soon as was decently possible. Also, I saw one flask come out…I’m assuming that with 1,000 guests a few flasks were probably likely.
Of course I am ancient, but I married in a time when weddings WERE dry… and foodless. We had a cake and punch, a few mints and nuts, and that was it. If we’d had to serve a meal and booze, we’d never have been able to afford to get married. I still don’t think a wedding should be just an excuse to get your drunk on or chow down. I believe it should be a time for seeing someone you care about take a giant step in their life, a time to visit with friends and relatives, and then go home and let the newly married couple get on with their new lives.
I like this. Cake and punch and adios!
Don’t tell me you lived during Prohibition Syko…or would that mean that there’d be even more alcohol flowing…..
I haven’t seen you in a while on here..how’ve you been?
Haha, Virgilia…no, I’m not quite THAT ancient. It was 1962, actually, and the trend of serving a meal and providing an open bar just hadn’t hit central Missouri. Now it seems even that isn’t enough, everyone wants destination weddings, and spend enough on them to make a sizable down payment on a house.
I’m doing okay. Retired due to disability, but still hanging in there. And you?
@Syko
Whoo–that would’ve made you older than my grandma (she lived during the depression), and I would’ve been impressed that you were on a computer….she still talks shit to my mom about getting rid of her phone that had the spiral-y cording…you know, the big white ones???
Wow–so you guys didn’t even bring any alcohol to weddings? At all? I would’ve thought that was the prime time to bring all the homemade moonshine out…
I’m doing good–working on a website, so I’m mostly writing a lot. And sleeping.
@ Virgilia: naps are the bomb!
Nope, no alcohol at weddings in those days. Maybe among the high society folks, but most people just had the wedding cake and a punch bowl. Maybe some nuts, a few mints. I think the first wedding I attended where food and booze was served was in about 1990 when my boss married the daughter of a local radio personality. I was mightily impressed with all the “food stations” scattered around the reception hall – one was all Asian food, another was all Italian, etc. I ate caviar for the first time. 😀 There were, undoubtedly, food and booze at weddings prior to that time, but I wasn’t invited to any of them.
Oh yeah, I remember those phones. I even remember when you picked up the phone, turned a crank, and the operator came on and you spoke the number to her, and she connected you. I’m slightly more modern than your grandma, since I’m all-cell now, although my phone is only semi-smart.
Syko, my grandma STILL has one of those phones that you crank…..it’s fixed to the wall and has new wiring, though. It is so cool though.
Is there alcohol on the tables at non-dry weddings? Because here wine is always right on the table, rakija and beer too, and then if someone wants some other spirits they go to the bar.
Even before the wedding, when guest gather at the bride and groom’s houses before the church, they are greeted with shots of rakija ( something like schanps). I’ve never heard of a wedding being dry here.
A typical American wedding has an open bar all night, and then wine served at the table with dinner if you have the budget for it. No one would invite 1000 guests to a non-dry wedding. You’d have to take out a second mortgage.
I doubt there was alcohol at the reception. I believe the Duggars are Baptist; a lot of Baptists don’t drink and (most, if not all) Baptist churches don’t allow alcohol at the church, even for a wedding reception.
Absolutely no alcohol. Add to that – no dancing, no swearing, no smoking, no cleavage, no naked knees.
At first I was shocked by how quickly they married, but then obviously it was because they wanted to do it before his mom died. I’ve know a few people who rushed the wedding for the same reason, and it actually worked out. My husband and I were dating about 2 years before the actual wedding, but I definitely knew after a month that we were going to get married, so it can work.
Their first kiss looked like how people kiss in pr0n. Not even pr0n-hot just extremely icky and awkward. That’s what happens when you have pent up sexual tension. You behave like animals newly released from a corral.
I am stuck on the fact that they prepared 3,000 rootbeer floats and made 3,000 cookies. So they expected each guest to drink 3 floats and eat 3 cookies? Jeez I would have been ill lol.
Also, I agree with all the above comments about the mysoginistic, sex-obsessed nature of this way of life. It’s gross and sad. And even grosser after you are nauseated because you have guzzled down three rootbeer floats!!
LOL, Patricia! I was stuck on those numbers, too–I can’t imagine drinking those sweet root beer floats on top of cookies. But their count is off, because they only had 600 cupcakes…where’s the logic in THAT??
I feel really sorry for Jill. The girl is clueless (although I guess she has learned a lot since these photos were taken!!) about life and I just want her to be able to experience some freedom for awhile before she starts having all those babies. Imagine how she feels going from a house with 21 people to her own home with only 2.
I agree. However, I now find myself craving a root beer float.
Maybe the root beer floats were served in tiny disposable cup? Like maybe a bit bigger than the ones you use in a bathroom? But that’s still a lot of root beer, and it seems weird to me that they’d have root beer floats in abundance, but not cupcakes.
I don’t agree with their lifestyle or choices, but waiting to kiss until the wedding day doesn’t spell doom for the couple. Not everyone needs to sleep around or even kiss before settling down. I have Indian and Middle Eastern friends who had arranged marriages (some only Skyped before meeting each other for the first time on their wedding day) and they seem much happier than a lot of Western couples who did the deed beforehand and still end up divorced. Is it really worse than meeting a bunch of turds through online dating or at a bar or club? I didn’t believe in arranged marriages until I met couples who met that way and they seem very happy together. It can work for some people.
Yes, it can work for some people. But it doesn’t work for many. They just stay together because they are afraid to get a divorce for either religious, financial or social reasons (you might end up dead even when you’re living in the western countries) or gave up and build up a facade.
If someone wants to have an arranged marriage, fine. But forcing someone to have one is just cruel.
Just because they don’t get divorced doesn’t mean they’re “happy.” They probably just don’t believe in divorce if they come from a culture backward enough to arrange marriages. They don’t expect to find happiness in marriage. It’s just a business arrangement.
I’ve read stories about these and studies were done, generally they were happier because expectations were lower. Like, if they got a half decent partner it was a relief so their happiness would actually be higher than average.
It’s the other couple on the road to marriage who look a bit more… mischievous.
I think waiting for marriage is sweet but I also think in their case it’s kind of sad. It doesn’t seem like it’s really their choice. I can’t help but wonder what would happen if one of their kids broke the rules of courtship by holding hands before they’re engaged or even kissing. Michelle acted scandalized when the couple accidentally front hugged and said it wouldn’t happen again.
They’re not even allowed to be alone and have chaperones for their dates. They’ve never truly had to face temptation.
Isa, I agree. This cult of theirs is so unbalanced–before a wedding, the couple is taught to wait, wait, don’t kiss, mustn’t touch. Then after the wedding, the couple is expected to turn into baby-driven sex machines. So odd to me.
I agree, it’s sad that they aren’t allowed to make mistakes or have arguments or exist in any kind of normality. Everything has to be so perfect.
And now she turns into a baby making machine.
I must have sex with a man multiple times before I commit to ‘forever’. I must live with a man for a long time before that as well. I wish them luck and hope they don’t find out later that they aren’t compatible in some ways. I also hope they don’t take their shot at overpopulating the world like their fundy parents.
“I must have sex with a man multiple times before I commit to ‘forever’. I must live with a man for a long time before that as well.”
This is a very common attitude nowadays and, uh, what’s the divorce rate? Yeah.
Uh, it ain’t the premarital sex rate that raises the divorce rate. In 1950 (yeah, 1950) polling suggested that at least 90% of Americans had premarital sex. Today? Up around 95%. But the divorce rate is much higher. Why? Mostly because divorce laws reformed – most notably through no-fault divorces. You neglect to mention that it was common years ago for battered and mistreated partners to stay in marriages because “it was the right thing to do.” Today, those same people – who would have been forced to stay – can get out. I can’t see how you could possibly have a problem with that.
You know the religion with the highest rate of divorce in the US? Fundamentalist Christian. How’s waiting working out for ya?
This family creeps me out worse than the Kartrashians, and that’s saying a lot. There is obvious subjugation of women, the mom pops kid after kid after kid out and then has the older girls raise the babies so she can get her hour-long nap in every day, the girls “belong” to their father until he finds a suitable mate and passes them off to become property of their daddy-chosen husband.
They’re just gross, their beliefs are disgusting, the patriarch is disgusting, and the matriarch’s hair is visually offensive. Ugh.
Here, here! Agreed.
If you want to hear about an even more bizarre family – check out Steve Maxwell’s blog about his “reversal” children. He talks about the fact that his wife was incapable of coping with their first 3-4 children they had. His wife had a hormonal imbalance and possible mental problems. After consulting his church, religious counselor, and his wife’s father (Yes! her father had more say on her uterus than she did), one of them was sterilized. Years later, he decided to get to the bottom of this situation, and sat down all day and studied his bible. He had emotional epiphany replete with tears streaming down his face, and decided if God wanted us to use birth control, he would have given it to Adam & Eve. They reversed the sterilization and had four or five more children. The hormonal imbalance wasn’t corrected, the wife had no say in this decision, and not another word about the fact that she was incapable of caring for the first litter. They are good friends with the Duggars.
Are those the Titus2people? They didn’t let their youngest get braces, because the orthodontist spoke to her as if her feelings mattered and not only to her Mother. They felt it usurped their authority over their teenage daughter. These particular breed of fundies really dehumanize females completely, don’t they?
Yes, and I agree with you. And how stupid is the claim that if God wanted us to use birth control, he would have given it to Adam and Eve? The same can be said about plumbing, electricity, medicine, etc. If you want to live like a caveman, go all out.
A good place to learn about all the people that share the Duggars beliefs is http://www.freejinger.org/forums/
They have a section that profiles all of these families as well as the main organizations they follow (like Bill Gothard and ATI, etc.)
The thing with marriage is that you choose the person you marry & then you choose to stay married to that person. It is all about choice & making things work. Marriage can be HARD & it might be for Jill and her husband, but if they’re committed to it, it will work. Just b/c they didn’t have sex or kiss before marriage doesn’t mean they won’t be able to get busy or enjoy sex with each other. I wish them the best & hope that they are happy together 🙂
The problem with this family is that I don’t think the couple has the choice to divorce if things *don’t* work despite them trying their hardest. If people can choose to become married to another person they must also be able to choose to end that marriage. But maybe people who choose to divorce just aren’t committed enough.
……except these girls AREN’T given any choices. At all. They’re illiterate, uneducated, and every move is watched and controlled by the parents…..specifically that creepy dad. They can’t even cruise the internet freely.
What are you talking about? They didn’t choose each other, Jim Bob chose this. Jill didn’t have the option to choose not to get married, and she sure as hell won’t have the option to divorce, unless she’s okay with going to hell. In this poor girl’s mind, she’s biting an 80 year bullet until she can die and go to heaven for being good and obedient.
She actually had the choice not to get married, or at least that is how it was shown in the reality show. Jim Bob said her choice was the last.
However, she is so uneducated that she probably doesn’t know there are other options.
I think they look sweet together
I thought one of the Duggars was already married….one of the sons? Are they popping out children one after another, too?
Josh is married to Anna. They’ve been married five years, have three kids, had one miscarriage, and she’s pregnant now. It took about 3-4 months to get pregnant with their first, and Anna says she took about fifteen pregnancy tests during that time.
Wow. So they really are carrying on the family tradition. I hope they decide to stop at, I don’t know what a good number is, but I’m thinking it’s way before 19 or however many kids the Duggars have.
Probably the saddest thing is that the oldest is the only girl. In Gothardism, the oldest girls help raise (if not completely raise in the Duggar household) all the children. Poor Mackynzie needs another girl to help out.
Anna is ten times the mother Michelle is. The thing is, Michelle might have been a good mother before she had a breakdown after the seventh child.
I was 19 when I married. We didnt have sex until we were married and we only knew eachother 10 months when we got married. 7 years later we are still happy! We have 2 kids and dont regret waiting! I will admit our first few times were awkward but we grew togethet and I tell you what…I now have a fantastic sex life. There is nothing wrong with waiting. They seem happy and healthy and we should let them live their lives just like you want to live yours! This world would be so much better if people chilled out and stopped judging!
it’s great when things work out, of course, for couples who either chose to have sex or didn’t. but what happens in a fundamentalist family like this one when things DON’T work out? or when one of the parties wants out? are they even free to admit that things aren’t working out or that they want out? that’s what’s “wrong” about all this – the lack of choice and lack of autonomy, not the “waiting to get married” part.
Did your dad choose your husband? Were everyone of your social interactions prior to marriage supervised? Were you allowed to kiss before you were married? Did you get to go to school? Do you have any other job or role aside from “mother” – as in, do you get to have an opinion in how things are run in your home, or are you expected to just submit to your husband? Will you continue to have children in rapid succession until you go through menopause? Are you, as a woman, allowed to make any decisions for yyourself, or did you spend your life first submit to g to the will of your father and now your husband? Because these questions illustrate the problem people have with the Duggars. Apparently some people on this site believe the crazy notion that women are more than just vessels for making babies.
This is a bit off topic:
I have watched the show a few times. With every episode I have noticed that this huge family eats exclusively off of paper plates and drinks from plastic cups. So every time they eat a meal there are probably 2 trash bags full of waste sitting there when they are done.
It makes me SO MAD. You freakin crazy nutbags, get a few of your child army to wash some plates each day so that you are not creating an entire landfill each year from your single family’s meals!
Does this enrage anyone else? I know it’s the least of the problems with this family but it just gets to me.
It’s enraging because it makes them appear like the hypocrites that they are.
They have resturant style dishwashers from what I’ve heard! I don’t get it either.
Everything about them is enraging, including the fact that they are polluting the earth and brought 19 children into a world that can barely contain the population it already has.
The Duggars like to repeat the “fact” that over population is a myth. Every citizen in the United States can fit within the borders of Florida.
Gah.
Mayamae, I f*cking hate when people use that “reasoning”. My father-in-law once said the same thing (and he’s one of the most intelligent people I know!), and I told him that if that was true how would everyone feed themselves? There’d be no land leftover to grow crops or raise livestock!
The trash would overwhelm me, too. But I take comfort in the fact that they’d have to use an average ceramic mug as many as 3000 times before it would become more environmentally-friendly than a disposable cup.
I know! The waste drives me crazy!! I don’t think they even recycle. Michelle thinks overpopulation is a myth and they clearly don’t care about filling up the world with garbage. I can’t believe they don’t at least use plastic plates and glasse that can be washed and re-used!
I am strongly for sex after marriage. This has nothing to do with my religious affiliation or upbringing but my decision SOLELY.
Although am a Mormon and Chastity is one our major doctrines, it wouldn’t stop me from sowing my wild oats as many young people my age(24 yrs) are doing if I want to. But abstinence till marriage is the part I’ve chosen.
My point is casual sex is quite easy to get these days even for us women. The choice to do or not is upto the person.
Yes I believe in equality in the bedroom – both the man and woman should enjoy sex without any reservations between them.
Sex is for recreation and procreation but ofcourse for married couples.
The couple look genuinely happy together.
I wish them a blissful married life.
Definitley no alcohol and also no dancing!!
And their first frontal hug, no doubt. Side hugs, be gone! I wouldn’t fancy it for myself. I want amazing snogs and shags on my wedding night. It takes practice to figure out the most fun you can have!
But, hey, I get it, it’s the way they were raised. I don’t think they are making their own informed decisions as such. I have friends who grew up in same environment as me and have beliefs like that about kissing and sex but they’ve chosen it for themselves and I think that is the most important part.
Does anybody else watch My Five Wives? It’s on TLC? Anyway, their eldest daughter would have had a similar courtship, no sex or kissing before marriage. Dad likes boyfriends to ask his permission before they start holding hands etc. Anyway, I bring this up because she reminds me of Jill and whenever this daughter is on TV? Oh my god, she is miserable. Like seriously unhappy with her life. Her husband makes the rules and she lives by them. (Of course, this can happen in any marriage but there really is serious pressure on these girls to marry and have babies straight away).
Although I’m happy for Jill and Derick, all I could think of was Jim Bob hiding under their bed so he could chaperone their wedding night. EEK!
I know! Jim Bob seems to be way overly concerned with sex imo! I mean, a quick hug or holding hands doesn’t have to be sexual or lead to anything sexual in any way but JB believes everything does. Have you seen the swimsuits he makes his daughters wear?!! And the way he and Michelle are always sort of flaunting their physical relationship, like when they “double-dated” with Jessa and Ben playing mini-golf and Jim Bob was like dry-humping Michelle and she was like: You can’t do this yeeeeet. Ewww. Totally inappropriate imo. Plus don’t they have any faith in their children? If you truly believed you’ve raised good kids, then you should allow them some freedom and trust they’ll do what you’ve taught them. Clearly these parents don’t trust the kids at all! Plus they the girls decided but when Jill and Derick saw each other at the airport and just naturally gave each other a hug it did not go over well and Michelle was all: They won’t make that mistake again. Well, if it’s THEIR choice, maybe they’ve decided hugs are okay. But clearly it’s not their choice at all.
As much as I hate to cut slack for either Jim Bob or Michelle, I honestly believe that the main impetus for the crazy in this family is MICHELLE. When JimBob and Jill went to Nepal to meet Derick for the first time, he chaperoned them when they were together. However, he stayed 9-10 paces behind them so they could converse without him hovering over them like a vulture. I was reluctantly impressed. If that had been Michelle, she would have wedged herself solidly between them and forced them to include her in the conversation. She did that to Ben and Jessa, parking herself between them in the family truck. Michelle for all her babyvoice, strikes me as the sort that will go full banshee if you thwart her in any way, or if she doesn’t get her way.
Live and let live. The Duggar lifestyle isn’t for me – I am far too debaucherous and like fucking hot guys I’m not married to and smoking weed and reading gossip sites- but if it works for them and they are not causing harm or prosthelytizing others, then by all means, live the way that makes you happy. I wouldn’t go to Lancaster PA and tell Quakers that they needed Coca-Cola and American Idol in their lives.
Haha, you’re reminding me of Orig. Kitten (where is she?)….
Do you mean Amish?
I live in an area with more Quakers per square inch than in Pennsylvania. Quakers drink Coca Cola… Also wine and beer and other alcoholic beverages. They drive cars. They have credit cards. They use contraception (I know several involved with Planned Parenthood). They dropped the thee and thou long ago and unlike Kanye’s women, they wear colors. Don’t know about American Idol, but I don’t think I know anybody who watches that.
I do have to add my opinion as a viewer of their show. Jim Bob did give his oldest son josh a speech about how it takes more for a woman to enjoy sex than a man and to not think of it for only his needs but to remember its for both of their enjoyment.. I’m not defending or judging their lifestyle choice but I really don’t think their parenting style is meant to keep their daughters from enjoying a healthy sexual relationship with their spouse….. Js
I am very happy for Jill and Derick.
Their lifestyle certainly isn’t one I would embrace or that I understand but I still think these two are very much in love with each other.
Wish them much happiness.
P.S. I think Derick is extremely attractive – love his bedroom eyes and scruffy beard.
How can they afford to have so many kids and so many weddings?
That dumb reality show, and the fact that Douchebag Overlord was a state senator…..
I think they have only 1 other kid married so far. To put it politely it looks as if the bride of their oldest son came from humble beginnings.
Don’t forget that TLC probably throws some cash in for the wedding plus this won’t be a Kardashian wedding. No golden toilet for the Duggars. They probably cooked all the food, made the dress etc.
For one thing, the wedding was put on by VOLUNTEERS. For another, they’re probably paid well by the reality show.
What i want to know is for those who follow this religion, if you don’t have a TV show to bring money in, how do you afford all of these children? I’m sure some of these dads have very basic jobs with average salaries. How do you support so many people on a basic income?
Search for “no longer quivering” for details on how hard it can be for normal families to juggle frequent pregnancies under modern circumstances, particularly when the husband is given such authority over the wife and children and is a jerk. Large families are easier to manage on farms, where the children can be useful and the family can be relatively self-sufficient foodwise. It gets harder in urban environments, but modern circumstances must make it harder than in the past. I remember a friend was the oldest of a large family in my teens (1960s). Her mom and her father both always looked exhausted. Her mom was too busy at home to get an outside job to help and her dad taught in an elementary school for not very high pay. They managed, but it obviously was difficult. Another family of the same size did well because the dad was a doctor. Mom was still very busy and super organized and frugal, but money makes the real difference. Both families were Catholic and I assume only used natural family planning methods, although my generation of Catholics was fine using various contraceptives and contraceptive devices (a Pope came out with some encyclical on family planning while I was at a Catholic college, and the Vatican ideas were universally dismissed by Catholic students at the time). Hence Catholic families today are unlikely to be especially large. The same is true for non-Catholics as contraceptives have improved and become more widely available. The “rhythm method” is still in use and much improved (there can be both religious and non-religious concerns about other approaches), but requires considerable cooperation from the man which many women can’t count on. The Duggars don’t seem to use any method at all, they really do want to outbreed the rest of us heathens (that’s the essence of the Quiverfull movement).
. Big families used to be the norm in both rural and urban environments, but somewhere along the line the logistics became more difficult. Even health care used to be much more affordable, so people wouldn’t go into such huge debt for illnesses, injuries, or births.
Anyway, the Duggars struggled for a long time before the show. They relied a lot on charitable donations to help them out. The dad gets cheap health insurance for them all (not covering routine pregnancy and childbirth) because he was in the state legislature. They established themselves as a church, meaning major tax breaks. In addition to the show money, they rent land for cell phone towers, I think. But most people would not have those advantages.
For all those saying it’s her choice to wait until marriage, even to kiss, this about it this way: remember yourself at the ages of 18-25 years old (the oldest Duggar girls ages). How would your younger self (or if you are even one of those ages now) feel about your father monitoring every single little thing you do? Reading your text message to the man you are “courting”, watching your Skype conversations? How would you feel if your father prevented you from moving out on your own, getting your own job, even going to university?
Jill Duggar did not and does not have any choice in her life. It’s not HER choice to live this life, it’s her creepy idiotic FATHER’S choice. She should have been able to make that decision to kiss her husband on their wedding day for HERSELF. I truly despise Jim Bob, but I feel so sad for the Duggar girls (and even the boys to an extent), that I feel like I have no fight in me today. I really hope this man/boy Jill married will be nothing like her father and will encourage her to become her own person finally.
Edit: One other thing I’d like to touch on. Do any of the Duggar kids have their own money??? And if they do, do they have their own access to it? Look at the Gosselin kids, TLC had to put money into a trust for the kids specifically, so the parents couldn’t have all the earnings from the show. How does it work for the Duggars? Does Jim Bob control what money the kids have earned from the show?
John David owns n operates his own towing company and has traded work for a home of his own that he’s either going to rent out to add to his savings or live in when he meets his future mate…. But this info only comes from actually watching the show….. Again not defending their parenting or lifestyle choices but as someone who owns their home and car outright and has zero credit card or student loan debt I think they r correct in teaching their children not to live beyond their means…. As far as whether or not the kids have now or will in the future have any money from TLC it’s not been mentioned on the show….
On their family website, Michelle says the kids do get money for birthdays and they can go shopping and spend it. I do not know if they earn money by doing chores or anything else.
Jim-Bob has sociopath written all over him
You can start the countdown for the kid’s inevitable “Our life was hell!” autobiography anytime now TLC
@mayamae oh no I totally get why it’s like that.
Michelle always poses for pictures with a strange “looking up from underneath” kind of expression.
Like a puppy or something.
Her daughters seem to do it too.
Trying to be cute or low self esteem?
It’s odd.
maybe if she stands fully upright her womb will fall out
Advanced osteoporosis from nineteen pregnancies?
What? No moonshine at the wedding?
No wedding featured in People of a family of reality stars should be put together by volunteers.
Jim Bob and Michelle pimp out their kids even more than Kris Jenner does. it’s sick that they make a spectacle out of what should be a precious moment.
I grew up in a similar fashion–though at 18 I did what I wanted where my relationship was concerned–including having sex. Now I’m no longer religious. I do believe that most young people need more than 5 months to know they are ready (what Jill had). And sexual compatibility is exchanged through saliva when kissing. I see nothing wrong with it, though I knew of people in the church that only held hands until married and were supervised constantly, even after age 18. Also, most people I knew were all about having as much sex, and as many kinds of sex–as long as it was only with one another & after marriage. Sex was viewed as something fun, but also something shared between man and wife. Their opinion was that sex would influence your choice of a husband/wife–rather than mostly looking at other ways you are compatible and that the two people–most importantly–shared similar religious values. Like I said–these are no longer my opinions, and they weren’t even when I was a teenager.
Jesus take the wheel! The last thing we need are more Duggars. And did anyone else notice she won’t even have to change her initials?
And JILL DILLard, have rhyming parts, kinda scary.
i have a question :what happens if a “quiverful” bride can’t get pregnant or have fertility issues? do they shun her?
I mean…
Not even going to touch this. The Quiverfull movement is disgusting and so are religious nutjobs. There is no greater hypocrisy or greater force for evil in the world. So repulsive. When I see these patriarchal, hateful, sanctimonious, religions who claim to exist in the name of God, I want to puke. So horrifying. They are so proud of their way of life, their religious superiority, and their wasteful families, never mind that pride is the deadliest “sin” of all. Hypocrites. I hope God leaves them to burn with all their Sam’s club sports drinks when the rapture comes or whatever, lol. He’s all: “Surprise, bitch! Ya did it wrong. Enjoy the snack size Doritos.”