Ariel Winter to body shamers: ‘I can imagine how cruelly you speak to yourself’

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As we know, Ariel Winter is very much against body shaming. She enjoys dressing in a way that shows skin and likes to post revealing photos to Instagram. When she posts these shots, she gets comments attempting to police how she should present herself. Ariel responds that she is simply not interested in what they think she should be wearing because the outfit and the posts are for her. Last Sunday, Ariel posted this message:

Nothing but love ❤️

A photo posted by Ariel Winter (@arielwinter) on

I love that last line but it also makes me sad – I wish there was more traffic on the high road. To be honest, I don’t know what this isin response to. My guess is that it is probably for comments she received on this post because a few outlets are comparing her to Kim Kardashian and some of the commenters seem to be doing the same, only negatively. Maybe it was general frustration but the point is not what it’s in reaction to but what it says.

I agree with Ariel. Do I like how she dresses? Not really. However, I understand that years of not liking her shape, an issue compounded by her mother shaming her, and not being ‘the sexy one’ on her show Modern Family may contribute to her wanting to be seen as what she considers sexy. My feeling is – if she puts something on and walks out of the house feeling good about herself, more power to her. I did the same thing just last night. I didn’t show any skin but I did question if my outfit was too young for me. Since I liked what I saw in the mirror, I went ahead and wore it. Ultimately, that’s Ariel’s message: that her look is for her and she feels confident in it. Why attempt to take that confidence from her? Probably because, as Ariel said, these people are saying even worse things to themselves. Misery loves company.

Whereas I fully support her body shaming position, one decision that does not make me happy is that Ariel, who so proudly posted her acceptance letter to UCLA on social media, is deferring for a year due to her production schedule. I hope she means it when she says she still plans on attending because she’ll need that degree if she really wants to become an attorney.

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Photo credit: WENN and Fame/Flynet Photos and Instagram

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51 Responses to “Ariel Winter to body shamers: ‘I can imagine how cruelly you speak to yourself’”

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  1. Santia says:

    Ugh – is it “shaming” to say I’m tired of Ariel? She protests too much. I’m all for body positivity, but I’m beginning to think Ariel wears certain outfits JUST so people can say something so she can lecture them.

    • Kitten says:

      Agreed. I like her and I think her message is an important one, but it seems like that’s all she ever talks about.

      And that outfit in the link is straight-up Kim or Baby Kim (Kylie) which is fine if she likes it I guess.

    • Annie says:

      She’s loving all of this attention. I actually know grown ass women who do this. They share pictures with their boobs almost completely out on FB, and then when people comment on it, or guys make stupid jokes and thirsty comments, they make separate posts like “WHYYYYY is everyone focusing on my breasts?? Let me live! Gosh…” Uh, you posted the pic and your boobs take more than half the picture. We see what you’re doing. At least be cheeky about it. Own it.

      I’m so tired of this act. You can get attention for other things other than your body. Or no attention at all. You will live.

      • Geneva says:

        Agreed. When massive cleavage is the centerpiece of ones photo – and one is a celebrity young or old – shouting “let me live” or “don’t body shame me” is hard to get a hold of. I am older so we were sort a prudish growing up. I don’t think I saw cleavage in my town…especially on younger women. We wore overalls and thought those were cool. We wore halter tops in summer and cut off shorts. we were probably unaware of the power of cleavage. but lets face it. Larger women have massive cleavage…so are we ashamed of it or proud of it. Someone has to decide!

      • Kitten says:

        Are we friends with the same people? Because I have two of them that are driving me crazy. Oh wow 100 plus comments and likes (!) all from strange/creepy men whom you have never and WILL never meet. Then the incessant complaining about it. JFC. These women are in their thirties with several kids, no less. Scary sh*t.

        Don’t get me wrong: women have every right to post suggestive photos on social media, but if you let all these strangers into your life, you probably shouldn’t be surprised that they are indeed STRANGE (as the name implies) and creepy and stalker-y. If you don’t like it, DON’T ACCEPT THEIR FRIEND REQUESTS. Ugh sorry for the rant lol.

    • holly hobby says:

      Yup, everything you said here! Really if you don’t want people to talk don’t wear it. I grew up before the internet and my mother always used to tell me, if you’re going to wear that, be prepared for people to say negative things about you. You can’t stop people from talking.

    • escondista says:

      +1

    • eggy weggs says:

      Does she shop exclusively at Rainbow and DEB? I mean, show skin…but this ish looks CHEAP. I’m gonna quote the Ratchet Girl Anthem again, so help me…

    • Adele Dazeem says:

      Totally agree. And I really hate that she’s deferring her school….I feel like Hollywood chews up and spits out kid/teen/tv starlets like her so quickly, it’d be wise to focus on the backup plan of being a lawyer.

  2. Beckysuz says:

    On one hand I’m glad she is confident and loves herself. On the other im confused why these girls think loving yourself means leaving the house wearing three bandaids and a smile. Ugh. I’m so old

    • detritus says:

      I think that’s the beauty of it.

      Confidence and loving yourself can come from three bandaids and a smile, or from loose fitting modesty based clothing.

      What makes you personally comfortable and confident is not universal. The hardest part is not judging those that don’t ascribe to your vision of what self-confidence is.

      • I Choose Me says:

        It is hard not to judge but we have a saying here. “If you no like see me, shut your eye.” I quote that to myself every time I’m tempted to go in on someone for what they choose to wear.

    • Annetommy says:

      Agreement from this fellow geriatric, Beckysuz…

  3. Macheath says:

    I also like what she said. There really is nothing self edifying about being rude or abusive to someone simply for disliking how they dress themselves.

  4. Happy21 says:

    I’m not shaming her body. It’s beautiful. But I’m also going to say what I say about friends who post sexy photos or too damned many photos of themselves on Facebook or Twitter. This girl has low self esteem. She’s looking for compliments and she’s looking to feel sexy and pretty enough. There are those of us who feel pretty and sometimes sexy who don’t post even one photo to social media of ourselves feeling that way because we have perfectly fine self esteem and don’t really need the assurance that we are good enough. Ariel is beautiful with a beautiful figure and that should be enough for her.
    That’s just my two cents.

    • JenniferJustice says:

      I just wrote something similar but now see you posted your’s first. I agree with everything you said. Basically, if you really feel good about yourself and are good with yourself, you don’t need confirmation from anybody else. Those that do are by no means confident or self-assured or they wouldn’t need others to tell them so. People who call you out on that are not body shamers. Tired of the mis-use of terminology to bolster an agenda. It’s inaccurate and deflecting.

    • Adele Dazeem says:

      Totally agree with you two. I’m old school (and old) but I find excessive social media postings to be really unattractive.

    • Kitten says:

      I’m with you guys. There is no need for daily sexy selfies–or just incessant selfies in general. Cringeworthy and reeks of insecurity IMO.

    • I Choose Me says:

      This is how I feel about it too. But I don’t get why people bother to leave hurtful or negative comments on her page. Just scroll on and go about your day.

  5. paranormalgirl says:

    I loathe the way she dresses, but it’s her body and she gets to clothe it however she wants. She’s beautiful no matter what. Hating her style is MY issue. Like I said once before, I would have something to say to my girlspawn if she dressed like that, but Ariel is not my daughter.

    • detritus says:

      What would you say?

      I ask this, because my parents threw out clothing they deemed unacceptable behind my back, let me know if they thought I wasn’t thin enough to wear a certain article, and still police what I wear as an adult to this day. At the same time my dad makes it very clear that my value as a woman is based on being hot and my mom makes it very clear that female sexuality is only ‘good’ when expressed quietly, behind closed doors between married people.

      How do you make the difference between what you view as good for you, and allowing your children to make their own value judgements? How do you relate what society at large will say vs what is right and fair? My parents did a crap job and I would love to hear what other people do.

      • graymatters says:

        My daughter is 22. She’s healthy, but not fashionably slim. I think she’s beautiful. Her father thinks she’s brilliant. I told her to dress for the weather, for the occasion, and for her mood. In that order. I don’t always like or even approve of what she wears, but I find enough opportunity to admire her outfits that I can keep my mouth shut about the others. She’s never said anything to me about feeling “shamed” in any way by outsiders — not since some junior high bullying, anyway.

        My advice to you is to dress in a way that makes you feel good, and then take a mental picture of your outfit. If you had to explain your choice to your future 15 year-old daughter, could you do so without feeling embarrassed? If so, then you’re good to go. It sounds as though your parents have some issues you’d be better off not adopting.

      • LizLemonGotMarried says:

        detritus…I thought I was an only child!!?!?!?!? How can we share a childhood experience and a pair of parents?
        Seriously, only in the last few years, when I have expressly and repeatedly stated I dgaf, have they finally backed off about my appearance. I’m successful, I’m a good mom, and I’m a good wife. I work out, I try to care about my appearance, but I also am not going to live my life worrying about if my thighs rub together occasionally.

      • detritus says:

        @gray
        That sounds like a good strategy, and don’t worry. I have adopted very little of my parents ideas surrounding women and their sexuality. While I am firm in what I think is good for me, and the repercussions, good and bad, of dressing and presenting in a specific way, I just wouldn’t know how to explain to a teenager. Myself, I’m fine with, my parents are just assholes in that regard, but we can’t have everything in life. I truly just don’t want to repeat their mistakes.

        I think it is really easy to let your biases leak through when talking about issues. and kids pick up on a lot.

        @ LizLemon
        Ahaha, I wish we were the only ones. It’s pretty common. I’ve fought back since I was a teen, to varying levels of success. The crazy part is that the body judgement, suck in your gut, stand up straight, why can’t you walk like your friend, was most intense at a time that I was the thinnest and most fit. I basically had to tell my parents that at 5’7″, working out 40 hours a week, 115 pounds was not fat.

        It sucks when you realize your parents may never change.

      • paranormalgirl says:

        Ultimately, how Siobhan (my girl) dresses will be up to her. She’s 14 now and I know as she gets older, she will assert her autonomy in ways such as how she dresses and that’s fine. We still go shopping together, though, and when she picks out something that I think is too short, tight, revealing, etc, I start out by telling her that she is beautiful no matter what she wears. Then I ask her if she is comfortable in that outfit, both physically and emotionally (we have an open dialogue about what is comfortable and what isn’t) and if it fits the occasion. If she still wants that outfit and it’s too revealing for her age, I tell her that I am not comfortable with her showing so much skin and why (I don’t want people looking at her and thinking she is JUST her body and I just think that wearing too little can cause people to devalue you, as unfair as it may be and it IS unfair. And certain occasions call for more decorum than other occasions) and can we compromise with something maybe a little less revealing, a little less tight, a little bit longer? We also have this game we play: “Nun to None” – we rate outfits on a scale of a complete nun’s habit to being completely naked. We shoot for a composite score of 5 for most outfits. Do I think this is always going to work? Probably not, especially as she gets older. But it’s what I do for now and maybe it will become part of her choice-making process. She went bathing suit shopping with friends this past spring and to my surprise, she came home with a really pretty one piece that was really appropriate for a 14 year old. It wasn’t childish, but it wasn’t super revealing either. When I asked her why she didn’t get the bikini she wanted (it was the first year I said she could get a bikini) she told me that she thought about it and just wasn’t comfortable showing that much skin to all the people on the beach. We did eventually get her a bikini, which she wore with shorts pretty much all the time, but together we chose one that was comfortable to her.

    • Ky says:

      I have a 14 year old also. I enjoyed reading your comment. Mine has just started high school and after years of school uniforms and a body that has changed overnight she’s kind of figuring out how to dress herself again. That has been challenging for both of us. We talk about how school is her workplace and the difference between work clothes and Saturday night clothes. I don’t want to put on her the things that were put on a lot of women my age. She is not responsible for other peoples opinions of her. On the other hand, I do still find myself reflexively policing her wardrobe.
      I do however find these threads about Ariel Winter troubling. She’s 19. She is trying out different looks and personas as is appropriate for someone her age. There is a fair amount of vitriol in the commentary. Maybe she thirsty or maybe not, but thirst is not a crime.

  6. Nicole says:

    I loved that last line of her post, but she needs a really tall glass of water to quench her thirst.

  7. JenniferJustice says:

    I guess I need some definitions. I thought body-shaming was putting somebody down for the way their body is shaped – which is stupid , as if people have control over the genetic cocktail they were born with. I do no think telling someone to cover up is body shaming. I wouldn’t bother telling her to cover up because she’s going to do what she wants and I’m not her mother. The selfies she posts on Instagram are for the sole purpose of garnering praise. When we do that, we’re going to get negative comments just as we’re going to get positive comments. I do think this is a game she plays to be relevant and newsworthy – I don’t see it as newsworthy, but then again, I clicked on the article, so….

    • detritus says:

      The link here is that there is a different level of exposure that is accepted between body types.

      I’ve shared images before, but when you have a slender body type, think TSwift, you are ‘allowed’ to wear more revealing clothing and it is edgy, or fashionable.

      As soon as you are larger, your body becomes public property almost. Everyone now has an opinion on the amount of skin you show and how that reflects your sexuality and even as a gauge of your morality. People feel they shouldn’t have to see what they don’t like, and that they have a certain ownership over your body.

      In the end, isn’t all social media sharing about garnering praise? Why is wanting praise for our physicality, what most women are taught to value the most, considered bad?
      How many people are guilty of telling little girls they are beautiful, or pretty, or sweet, but boys they are smart and brave?

      • jeanpierre says:

        Very well put detritus (This moniker doesn’t fit You at all!). This Is so True.

      • Kitten says:

        “In the end, isn’t all social media sharing about garnering praise?”

        Nope. Social media isn’t about that for me, at least. For me, social media is about sharing links to things that I think are important (right now I’m trying to raise money for one of the two cat shelters I support) or just sharing animal pictures. Yes I know I’m a dork but animals make me smile and I like to think that sharing photos of them will bring a smile to someone else’s face. Other times it’s for sharing pics of my family with my extended family, because we’re so far away geographically, this helps us feel more connected and a part of each other’s lives. Maybe it’s because I’m older and not of the social media generation, but social media isn’t about sharing selfies and getting praised for them.

        “Why is wanting praise for our physicality, what most women are taught to value the most, considered bad?”

        It’s not that it’s “bad” but it is unquestionably playing into the expectations of a patriarchal society. Now, it’s a woman’s choice to be a part of that and for that reason, it aligns with feminism (by my definition at least) to want praise for one’s physical appearance.
        But in my opinion, if you’re going to go that route at the very least, you have an obligation to acknowledge that you’re actually NOT doing anything to challenge the status quo, but rather perpetuating it.
        Why not just be transparent and own that instead of acting like you’re being victimized? That’s the part that I have an issue with (beside the exhausting attention-seeking element) because it’s disingenuous. Additionally, if you have a million followers and you incessantly post revealing pics, then there’s bound to be a mean comment or two in there because well, people are mean. You know, there’s always the option for Ariel to wear her sexy outfit on a date or out with her friends and/or people whom she trusts will support her. She doesn’t HAVE to share it with a million of her closest “friends” 😉

      • detritus says:

        @jeanpierre, thank you for that, but my screen name is a inside joke of one. It is a reminder to myself not to get too big for my britches, and tongue in cheek references to one of my foibles. Ha and a comment on the views of others about ‘gossips’ 😉

        @Kitten – I have so many thoughts on this and so little time to type them out. I think they will lack even the the spotty clarity of my usual comments unless I take a minute. I’ll try be back later with a better response, because I think a lot of the issues you raised are valid.

      • JenniferJustice says:

        “In the end, isn’t all social media sharing about garnering praise? Why is wanting praise for our physicality, what most women are taught to value the most, considered bad?”

        Sorry, but that line of thought that you obviously beleive is extremely disturbnig to me. I’m chalking it up to a generation gap, but social media is most definitely not about garnering praise. At least that’s not what it was created for and its not what most of us use it for. Rather, we use it to share and I don’t mean share pics of our bodies. It is used as a connection avenue much like the phone used to be, then e-mail. Now we have all these other sharing venues like FaceBook, Snapchap, Instragram, etc. that originally were designed to share “interests” and keep eachother up on what’s going on in our lives. The younger generations turned it into the pouty fish lips and booty shorts shots and according to your view, think that’s what it’s for or that praise is the goal.

        I’ll tell you why it’s bad – because nobody, especially young people, should be seeking affirmation from others based on how they look. Looks are shallow, fleeting, and mean nothing in the grand scheme of things. You’re looking to your peers for confidence when you should be looking to yourself, your family, and your true friends for advise and to build you up. Certainly not a bunch of strangers or people you barely know. Your physicality is not who you are. It’s merely a shell that holds who you really are. You don’t need anybody to tell you who you really are. You only need yourself – that’s what your conscience is for.

      • detritus says:

        @kitten
        Definitely not the best word choice on ‘praise’, I was thinking on a more philosophical level. Validation would be closer to what I meant.
        Many people, and most businesses, post things on social media for likes, follows, retweets, subscribers, shares, metrics of ‘success’ that really just show how much positive attention, how much ‘praise’, they are getting. Even charities look for attention and this sort of validation. Praise is not just a sweet comment from a grandma on a shared family photo, it’s likes for the chef who posts about their food, shares for the new business owner trying to get exposure.

        I do wish more people in social media used it like you, I think it can be a really valuable tool to connect.

        As for level exposure and playing into the male gaze, well, that’s a complicated choice. A choice made significantly more complicated for Ariel because of her fame, family situation, and her body type. I sincerely think she would get less hate if her shape was different. I just think of t swifts bathing suit parties, breast feeding yoga mom, Giseles vacation butt shots.

        Most girls are shown over and over again that their value is in their looks, and she was told she didn’t have the looks. She’s taking the step towards growth with teenaged zest and emotional investment. She’s rejected that she shouldn’t feel beautiful because of her size, or be sexual. She’s rejected that her body type should determine her level of modesty. She’s dressing for her in what makes her feel good. And she’s all in because it is literally the worst issue she’s faced to this point.

        I do think she does revels in the attention a little. She’s the hot girl, showing you how hot she is, and look at all her awesome hot bits! Which is annoying, but sure, feel yourself girl. She’s been denied feeling sexy, so now she wants just that and I don’t see the harm in it. Better this than risky sex, dating inappropriately older men or tyga.

        It would be better if she worked on unpacking what the male gaze means to her and women in general, instead of working to expand who gets included in it, but that’s a high expectation for a teenager. I think the fault is in society and how we ascribe value to women, not in the individual women. Which I have to remember when I get mad at Taylor swift and her implants. Calling out Ariel, or Taylor, is ineffective in producing change, and telling another woman what to do with her body isn’t the most feminist, but it’s hard not to judge women who really buy in.

        Thank you for presenting your points so thoughtfully and thoroughly. I really enjoy the political discussions here. Makes me reexamine what I think and exposes me to different ideas, it’s wonderful.

  8. Annie says:

    It’s Kim K’s world now. If you don’t leave the house looking like an Instagram ready Jessica Rabbit, how will people know you exist? How will you feel sexy and beautiful if you don’t hear it from other people?

    I think she has low self-esteem. Playing the “unattractive” sister for so many years, having to hide your body under baggy clothes, while the actress playing your sister gets all the attention, must be damaging to a young girl’s self-esteem. There isn’t an episode of Modern Family where she isn’t alluded to being an ugly, weird nerd. I’m sure she just wants to show the world that that’s not actually who she is.

    She knows what she’s doing. She had never gotten all this press before.

  9. Josefina says:

    Lol, I just noticed this girl is Alex!

    She does talk about this subject all the time but how old is she? Is she even legal yet? I wouldnt hold that against her too much.

  10. Jana says:

    Her comment is so true. As a sufferer of an eating disorder in college (and beyond, since it never seems to go away), my own internal critique was my own worst enemy.

  11. Chetta B. says:

    This girl confuses the hell out of me. She says she’s had bust reduction, okay. But those breasts are so plainly and clearly implants it’s hilarious. They’re implants. Did she get a reduction and then have shapelier implants? I don’t get it. What I think is that she’s lying through her teeth, just like all the others who say “they’re real” when it’s hilariously obvious you have undergone a boob job.

    • paranormalgirl says:

      She had her breasts reduced. And when you have them reduced, they are lifted and tightened. She does not have implants. I’m sure if you asked her really nicely, she would show you the reduction scars. They are quite a bit more extensive than implant scars.

  12. Trixie says:

    I take issue with anyone posting something publicly and then claiming the post is just “for me”. If it was just for them, they would keep their account private or just not have the account and save the photos elsewhere. The entire point of posting something publicly is for it to be seen – that’s why those sites exist. I think Ariel’s post can be partially for herself but the posts are at least partially for the public to see since she posted them publicly. There is nothing wrong with saying you like the attention, but just own it and don’t lie about it.

  13. jojo says:

    I do not think she knows what body shaming is, or she’s playing the victim. Most of the posts i’ve seen are related to what/how she is wearing something, not how much she weights or her personal body type.

    Take the prom picture for example. Most of the posts she tagged as body shaming were merely pointing out that to show that much skin in a high school is setting the wrong example to kids that age. Inappropriate setting for that attire. Thats not body shaming.

    And if its a persons ‘free speech’ to wear what they want in public, and/or post it on the web, why can people not comment on whether we like it or not? They are looking for only comments that agree with them and trying to mute the people who do not agree with them. If you do not realy care what people thing of your body, why post pictures on the web where you KNOW it will illicit negative comments. Its like asking ‘does this outfit look nice’ and if you respond ‘no’ you get shamed for telling your opinion.

  14. jeanpierre says:

    I like her and her opinions. You go girl.

  15. Dolkite says:

    This sounds like more of the self-serving “if people bully you, it’s because they have low self-esteem and need to cover up for it” shtick. Like when your mom tells you the other kids are “just jealous” of you when they exclude you.

    Studies have shown that most bullies have an inflated self-opinion and consider themselves superior to their victims. In fact, they tend to dehumanize their victims, deeming them inferior and their suffering to be funny or unimportant.

  16. KellzBellz says:

    So now disapproving of an outfit is bodyshaming? Telling my daughter not to wear tiny miniskirts or telling a guy to put a shirt on at dinner – body shaming? People always talk about double standards, and there is one – men who constantly assault us with their nudity are considered creeps, not feminist icons.

  17. amilu says:

    Is it even body shaming if I think your clothes are terribly unflattering? Her body is beautiful; the clothes do it no justice whatsoever. That is not body shaming.

  18. G says:

    Honestly I go back and forth on her opinions but it is her choice on what she wears. I am whatever about it.

    Related aside: I really wish that clothing had more variety in cuts. I think a lot of her problem has to do with the fact that most clothing retailers make shorts waaaaaay too short, for any body type. The “in” look is having shorts that ride into the crotch and it doesn’t look good at all but there aren’t many other choices available. Or they make dresses with the cutouts that only look good on skinny, small breasted women. Nothing would be tailored in a way to make Ariel look good and then we dump on her for her clothing choices when actually the trends just don’t work for many body types. I’m not that much older than her but I get it.

  19. Shelley says:

    I like her, and I am proud of her.
    People who body shame, and those who shame people for wearing revealing clothes are equally in the wrong.
    People say stuff like, she must have a low self esteem for wearing revealing clothes. Well, people who cover up can equally be accused of the same thing.
    Respectability politics people will find any excuse to express an “opinion” on how they do things better, BUT they “respect” your choices.

  20. Karla says:

    I just think many people are too thin skinned. Celebrities love attention, they just don’t like it when it’s bad. Unfortunately, they can’t control the kind of attention they get. Yes people talk and give dirty looks. Who really cares? I find it shocking that so many people seem so invested in the opinions of people they don’t know. And let’s face it, most people have a bitch or a stare and then become indifferent. Most people aren’t really all that interested. I think if she is that thin skinned she should re-think her occupation.

  21. Cheeky squirrel says:

    Most of us wore terrible outfits at that stage. It’s age appropriate to look this ridiculous. I think she can achieve the same level of sexy while being better dressed. I’m only critical of the clothing and not her message. All for body positivity, even if the packaging could be a bit better.