The one time I listened to Jana Kramer and Mike Caussin’s podcast it was so toxic I felt like I needed a Silkwood shower afterwards so I’m not going to pretend like I listened to it again. (FYI I stole that Silkwood shower line from Kaiser.) I hope to never be subjected to that, but if they announce a breakup or something I’ll take one for the team. As you likely know, Jana’s husband continually cheats on her and makes excuses for it. They’ve turned their toxic dysfunction into a cottage industry. Jana twists herself into a pretzel trying to justify Mike’s infidelity and lies and she’ll tell us about it. US magazine recently reported on one of her coping mechanisms and it’s both funny and sad: Jana gives Mike a day to come clean about his lies. Which ones and how can she keep them straight?
“When I had mentioned the 24-hour rule last episode that got slaughtered in the media because, you know, it’s like, ‘So you’re saying someone can lie?’ but I wasn’t,” [Jana Kramer], 36, explained in an exclusive clip of her “Whine Down” podcast.
She continued, “What I was even saying is when someone has a character defect of lying all the time, sometimes they just need a space to be like, ‘Oh crap, that was a lie. I need to go back and fix it,’ so that they’re not scared and they don’t hold on to it and they don’t justify it. So that is just something that works for us.”
Kramer faced backlash after she revealed how she and Caussin, 32, work through their trust issues. The couple have battled the former NFL player’s sex addiction and infidelity throughout their four-year marriage.
On the January 5 episode of her podcast, Kramer responded to a listener who asked her, “How do you rebuild trust when even his love is a trigger?”
The One Tree Hill alum replied, “That’s what I’ve always been trying to find, though. How do you rebuild trust? I think it’s just time. Time and a lot of therapy, and a lot of proven, consistent, rigorous honesty.”
Kramer and Causin found one method that made a big change in their marriage.
“[It’s] the 24-hour rule. You have 24 hours if you lie to come back and say, ‘Hey, you know what? I messed up. That was a lie.’ And that shows change. That shows some honesty. That shows a little growth. But I would say, get therapy because it’s worth it,” she said.
The pair sparked speculation that they had called it quits when she posted an emotional message via Instagram on December 30.
“2019. Ur coming to a very interesting end … and for now, all I have to say is… Time heals all wounds,” she captioned a solemn photo of herself.
On January 1, Kramer further fueled the split rumors when she removed the word “wife” from her Instagram bio and removed Caussin’s name from the title of their joint podcast, “Whine Down w/ Jana Kramer and Michael Caussin.” However, the next day she returned the word “wife” and Caussin’s name back to her bio and podcast title, respectively.
So she took “wife” off her bio and then put it back a day later. She was trying to issue him a warning, he surely gave her a bunch of mealy-mouthed bullsh-t and she forgave him. I mean, hasn’t she given him years really and he’s never changed? It’s not just a day, but I’m sure they have all sorts of complicated justifications and pseudo-psychological terms and conditions for each other. I heard a bunch of them on their podcast. He’s been to sex addict rehab twice and I don’t mean to make light of that addiction, but in this instance it seems like a convenient excuse. Lying is a “character defect” to Jana and something he’s working on but really he’s just a cheater and is covering his tracks. That’s something Jana has decided to live with and capitalize on. If we didn’t talk about her she wouldn’t make money though. Rinse and repeat.
Jana hasn’t posted a photo with Mike since this one in mid December!
Girl what are you wearing?
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photos credit: Getty and Avalon.red
RUN.
Imagine how TIRED their therapist is.
UGH, that poor professional. I’m sure they appreciate the income stream but how frustrating.
RUN INDEED.
Every time I see a picture of this guy I get creeped out. He looks so much like my abusive narcissistic ex, from physical build to the look in his eyes. Then I read about his behavior (sex addiction… sure dude… you just like cheating because of your narcissism) and it brings back so many memories of my ex’s behavior. I admit I’m projecting a bit, however, he just looks like trouble to me.
He has a smug, punchable face. He knows he can get away with anything.
To paraphrase a recent comedy bit I saw…why are all the men who go to sex addict rehab married? How many single guys do you see in there? There’s probably not a single guy out there who would complain that they’re getting too much sex.
Maybe it’s harder to hit rock bottom when the only one you are hurting is yourself. Plus there is the toxic masculinity idea that guys should be swimming in sex.
We probably hear about it in relation to married men ‘cos when they’re famous, scandal.
Source: former member of Sex Addicts Anonymous and Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous.
@AA,
What do you think of their marriage? I’m so curious! Do you think she should dump him, or do you think she’s great for sticking with him?
@FatLadySinging i know very little about this couple and their marriage. In cases like these, i normally defer to Celebitchers’ opinions, which is to lose him. The bits I’ve read, she does seem too permissive. I personally would leave a relationship where there was intercourse infidelity. I think a whole lot got to be wrong and the actual infidelity is just the last straw. I’d like to be in a relationship which catches that waaay before then (which i am in now, thank God).
From my time particularly in SAA, i did used to judge the male members’ mostly female partners as having low self-esteem. Why would you stay with someone sticking their peen everywhere? Puts my sexual health at risk also. In the meetings, i used to wonder how forgiving/understanding the men would be if the roles were reversed and always concluded that the vast majority would not be as forgiving. I saw the phenomenon as being quite gendered. Men are dogs, they’ll always cheat, the women’s job is to stay faithful, forgiving and understanding etc.
Throw the whole marriage away.
I do not know these people, but I second this. I would find it unbelievably exhausting to put up with crap like this every single day.
In my opinion she’s coming off quite desperate and pathetic here. Doesn’t she have any self respect for herself?
So, what, he recants his lies until he lies again. Girl…. run!!!!!!! He ain’t never going to change.
Yes and he knows with this kind of desperation she’ll never leave him, so he knows he doesn’t have to change & can do whatever he wants. This girl is really tragic. Wow.
She married him, had kids, built a life, invested years. Now she’s here. She’s dug in on all the excuses she’s made and the agreements they set up. She wanted to save her marriage, and she publicly stuck up for him (and herself). Now, it hasn’t worked, and it’s only gotten worse, but admitting defeat/leaving would mean yet another overturn and public humiliation. After discovering that she was trapped with a serial cheater, she found a way to hold her head up through this set of agreements and therapies they cobbled together that convinced her to stay.
Giving that up–giving up that dignity she found to cling to–would be even worse now than at the beginning. It’s easier to just double down. If she were to admit that she chose incorrectly by staying, in the hopes that he would ever “get better,” it means losing that structure of “I’m okay if we frame it this way” that she has constructed for herself. The anxiety in even contemplating that…it’s not as simple as, “run.”
In addition, women who are flagrantly cheated on over and over again (even women with looks and bodies as idealized and incredibly fit as her) begin to think it’s their fault. There’s something wrong with the way they’re shaped, the way they smell, the way they clean the house, wear clothes, decorate the living room, cook dinner, or fix their hair. It is deeply internalized that something about her makes her “not enough,” and that’s why he keeps cheating. And this one is double-edged because it’s both a lie that digs the ditch deeper, but it also places control in HER court. If she figures out what it is that she’s doing wrong, then SHE can fix it. That is the mental process.
We’re talking about complex anxiety and coping strategies she’s built up over time to handle this and feel like she’s in control of her life. It’s far more complicated than, “run.”
edited to add: I’m just spitballing generalizations here. I obviously don’t know her and am speculating based on what it looks like. But like all abuse victims (and this kind of repetitive betrayal is emotionally traumatic in the extreme), leaving is generally more complicated than, “She deserves better; why won’t she just leave?”
Brilliant comment. Upvotes all day.
I will never understand making a career and fame out of your pain and emotional abuse.
I feel for their children, I hope they are able to have better examples to learn from as they grow.
I know. I really don’t understand it either.
I mean, hey. Maybe this will work out in the long run. But I certainly don’t think I could live my current life with all of those problems. Maybe if I was wealthy like they are it’d be easier to invest the time and energy into the dumpster fire that the marriage seems to be, but man. MAN. What a mess.
I do think in a general sense her giving him time to come clean on his own could be helpful. But there’s a difference between “You’re right… I was late to pick you up from the airport because I overslept” and “You’re right. I did sleep with all of those women I denied sleeping with”
But they’e not wealthy. They’re well off compared to most, sure, but if you’ve seen all the hustles they’re working, including the podcast, non-stop social media life littered with spon-con…It’s not the life of someone without financial woes.
They’re way more Tori and Dean, without the wealthy parents as backup, than celebs with “real” money. My guess, based on a just a cursory social media glance, is that they’re living at the absolute edge of their finances already, and it’d be great if Jana realized *she* was the one out there making Lifetime movies, podcasts and 700 social media posts, so she could lose the 220 pounds of dead weight that her cheating husband seems to be.
Maybe she can follow Eva whatever her name is (Susan Sarandon’s daughter) and have a whole over the top blog about getting divorced.
Ouuufff… what a trainwreck!
He’s terrible, she’s pathetic, and I feel sorry for their children.
I agree. These children don’t have great role models to look up to. They both should be ashamed of themselves for setting such poor examples for their children
She isn’t pathetic. She’s emotionally abused. It’s traumatic buildup and a total tear-down of self esteem over years. She deserves sympathy, not derision. Sure, some of us probably would’ve jetted a long time ago, but the fact that she didn’t doesn’t make her pathetic. She’s been torn down, and the excuses she makes–the framework she’s built to keep a facade of control for herself–it screams of a person who isn’t ready to face the fear, anxiety, uncertainty, and guaranteed public humiliation of leaving.
Recant his lies….
She means he has 24 hours to trickle truth her until she’s finally satisfied with the answer.
There’s something very broken about both of them.
Exactly this. There’s no way this guy comes back within 24 hours and says “I wasn’t honest before and I’m sorry. The absolute truth is…” I also doubt he’s ever the one initiating the conversation.
Get him a vag candle.
LMAO!!!! He needs a case of them.
Apologies in advance for the but … Isn’t the problem that he already comes home scented by other people’s?
It’s aromatherapy. Maybe if he’s surrounded by sent-‘o-vag, his roaming has a much smaller circumference.
This seems like an awful lot of work. I understand, relationships are work, but this is too much. Geez. Those poor kids.
Yeah I’m not seeing time heal shit here…but denial is a great bandaid. Walk away already. You tried. Like really tried. I’m getting second hand exhaustion.
I don’t want to sound like I’m going with the “women don’t like nice men” trope, but seriously girl, somewhere out there is a good person who would be worth this effort, and you would know that because it probably wouldn’t require even half this much work.
But that type of nice guy would make someone like her too nervous. He would require a completely different mind set from what she knows and that “unknown” element would be too much for her to handle. She’s spent years setting up a system that “works” – in her mind.
i’m not sure why someone who clearly does not suit the monogamous lifestyle is with someone who clearly wants it, although it does seem that they’ve made this situation part of their ‘brand’ so guess there is some income/celebrity tied to this.
There are plenty of people of practice ethical ‘non- monogamy’. Monogamy isn’t for everyone and I think it’s fine to accept that rather forcing oneself into fit society’s expectations.
Surely if one isn’t interested in monogamy, it would be better to avoid marrying and siring multiple children with someone who is.
well yes, that’s my point. At his age he probably already knew that he couldn’t keep it in his pants and should have been honest about it from the outset. If she didn’t like it he should have found someone who was happy to have an open relationship and she could have found someone ready to commit to only her
As it is now, I guess it’s too late for that but they really should go their separate ways and find partners whose lifestyles are a better fit for them.
I think it’s the “ethical” part he’s not interested in. Or the idea that she wouldn’t be monogamous either.
Yea, he said he would leave if she cheated.
He likes cheating, that’s probably part of the thrill for him.
And at this point I believe she likes the drama and having the ability to hold his misdeeds over his head.
Agree with both of you. The deception is what he enjoys. He’s broken.
Good point!
Good lord burn it down and salt the earth. There is nothing good in that marriage, and those poor children exposed to the toxicity. Way to set an example of how to live your life, men can screw around and women are to be doormats. What a mess.
Not to mention the mixed messages the kids are getting about lying.
DIVORCE HIM YOU IDIOT.
I literally cannot with people like her. I can understand being trapped due to children or finances or abuse. I get that. I don’t understand having so little self respect that you do this to yourself all the time when you don’t have to.
I know you mean well, but I do want to point out, this is grossly unhelpful to people who are trapped in unhealthy relationships. They need support, not another person tearing them down and calling them an “idiot.” They’re getting enough of that in their shitty relationship.
Yeah, and if they were a normal, every day couple, I’d agree, but she’s literally putting this on television and social media and *capitalizing* on it. That means she’s in enough of a rational position to exploit this kind of drama for money, and I have no patience for it. That means lots of people are contributing to the situation and exploiting it for money. Everybody involved needs to stop normalizing this shit, get her a therapist, and quit putting the children through that.
Why does she have so little respect for herself?
He has a character defect of lying all the time? Oh, honey. I hope she can work on her self-worth in therapy and realize that these patterns will keep repeating themselves as long as they are married.
They make me so uncomfortable. It’s the social media version of Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf.
Oh i LOVE this comparison!
Does she have no one in life who cares about her?
Like not even a therapist?
You know what shows growth? Honestly the first time. Damn.
I find it so bizarre that their “brand” is just revealing their drama and toxicity day after day. I can’t respect people who stay in a bad relationship — WITH CHILDREN — because it benefits them financially, and yet act like they’re being brave and open and honest as a service to other couples, lol. I don’t understand celebrities who are like this, but at the same time, I know people in real life who are needy for attention and spill their guts all the time, too.
This.
Honestly, until I read this post I had NO IDEA. I just thought she was the actress from a fairly cute Christmas movie I saw and was surprised to see her covered at all.
The idea that this cheating, seemingly currently mostly unemployed guy is worth it? “RUN” is right.
Reading his Wikipedia entry, since I never heard of him, and the paragraph under personal life that details their relationship in 4 sentences is WILD. It’s such a huge yikes I just … can not.
Dating in 2014
Married in 2015
Child in 2016
Separate Due to Cheating, also 2016
Renew vows in 2017
Have another baby in 2018
I’m exhausted just reading the timeline, let alone living with that level of daily drama.
Everyone is needy in one way or a’tuther. If you haven’t figured out yet the ways in which YOU’RE needy or annoying, get on that — cause ain’t nothing more annoying or tragic than a person who goes around criticizing everyone else while remaining completely blind to their own shit.
All that energy she’s putting into this…masculine shell of a grown a– human being
I can’t. This relationship is the worst.
This situation is a nightmare and she should RUN.
However, i think this “24 hour rule” is probably sound advice for regular people in relatively healthy relationships. Sometimes we all are a little dishonest, and mostly with ourselves and being afraid to be accountaible. “Did you pick up the milk?” “NO, you were supposed to remind me” or “how was i supposed to know we needed milk?” Yeah, we say shit, we make dumb excuses. The first instinct is to defend instead of listen and be open about our own screw ups. 24 hours to come back and apologize sounds like an excellent way to improve communication. “Hey babe, i’m sorry, you’re right, I knew we needed milk and i just forgot.”
I have/had a good friend (we’re not unfriendly, she was just exhausting and we’ve moved to more casual acquaintances) who went back and forth with her then-boyfriend, now-husband constantly cheating on her throughout our 20s. I was very much in the “help her see, support her until she can” category until, for my own mental health, I just could not anymore with their back and forth. I had to come to realize that, while she seemed great and smart in other areas of her life, she adored the drama. She wasn’t the cheater, but she, somehow, sort of, thrived on it? Not sure that’s the right word, but she is definitely getting something out of it I can’t possibly understand.
They’ve got kids now (sadly) and are still constantly making up and breaking up and he was recently involved in a sexual harassment scandal that cost him his job just weeks after they’d had their second child…Because OF COURSE he was. Which we all thought might finally be it…But, nope. Instead, it’s less than a year later and she’s pregnant again. So…yay?
I just had to finally realize that he’s never going to change, and she’s never going to leave him. So, I had to stop being the sounding board.
Oh wow. For her sake I hope she wises up and leaves someday, but yeah, for your own sanity, you need to not hear all that all day.
A friend of mine visited a while back (she’d moved away) and told us ALL these reasons she’d ended a relationship (the main one being he was an alcoholic) and like a month later I see she’s back with him. I think she desperately wants marriage/children, but wow, so not the guy to do that with.
“ She wasn’t the cheater, but she, somehow, sort of, thrived on it? Not sure that’s the right word, but she is definitely getting something out of it I can’t possibly understand.”
I’m not sure if you’ve watched Big Little Lies, but there’s a scene where Nicole Kidman describes to her therapist the dynamics of the cycle of abuse in her marriage. Basically, after Perry hits her, she has the upper hand as he works desperately to earn her forgiveness. He’s affectionate and loving and remorseful. Then her bruises fade, he doesn’t feel as guilty, and he starts feeling insecure. He hits her again and the cycle starts over. I think it’s similar in relationships with chronic infidelity. The cheater or abuser love bombs after they’ve messed up and the recipient finds it hard to leave that.
Exactly! He’s not going to make it easy on her to leave him. He’s never going to actually be genuinely honest or care about what is best for her.
If he didn’t want to be married, he’d have left long ago since he clearly does whatever he wants, when he wants. He’s going to beg and when begging doesn’t work, threaten and rinse and repeat.
Divorce is expensive and even just thinking about it is daunting. Divorcing someone who is going to make a difficult situation into an awful one isn’t an easy step to take no matter how necessary it seems to everyone else.
Oh, I’m sure this very much the case. She knows we’re all there for her, have been the times she has left, and would be again in a heartbeat, but she always goes back. We’re talking a 20+ year cycle at this point, so, at some point, I couldn’t keep hearing about all the awful stuff AND just pretending everything was fine when we saw them both. I concede I perhaps should have been stronger, but it simply wasn’t possible for me after a decade or so. Which means we see them less, and she and I talk less. It makes me sad, but no one can force someone to do what they don’t want to do.
The reason this celeb story hit me, even though I don’t really know either of the players, were those similarities, right down to small age difference (my friend is two years older than her husband, and he harps on how she was 20 and he was 18 when they started dating), plus the perfect social media presence that makes her the “envy” of everyone who doesn’t know what goes on behind the curtain.
The funny thing (again, not exactly the right word, more…odd), is that I’ve known her since high school, and her parents have been married for 50 years. They are some of the lowest drama folks I know. Yet, my friend was always falling for guys who cheated on her, hit her, got in fights on her behalf (also how her husband first “won” her over … ugh). They will soon have two daughters and I can’t tell you how much I worry for what she’s modeling for them—and their son.
In college, her now husband would cheat and she’d dump him and then go out to places she knew he’d be, dressed as seductively as possible. I’m not even talking clubs—like the library in stilettos and a tight dress, where as she’d usually wear sweats and a baggy T. It could to be we joked we could tell if they were on or off based on how much makeup she had on. It’s just…Always been this way with them. She loves the chase. The being wanted.
She’s drop dead gorgeous, objectively probably the prettiest one in our college friend group, with no shortage of guys hitting on her. We could never understand why her self-esteem was so low. Like I said, she (from an outside perspective) had great parents who were extremely encouraging of her in everything she did. Yet here we are.
“The funny thing (again, not exactly the right word, more…odd), is that I’ve known her since high school, and her parents have been married for 50 years. They are some of the lowest drama folks I know. Yet, my friend was always falling for guys who cheated on her, hit her, got in fights on her behalf (also how her husband first “won” her over … ugh).”
I think for the generations that are now in their 60s or over, their version of “perfect social media” was “seeming” perfect when other people were around. Keeping up appearances.
My parents had a shitty marriage — but I bet anyone they knew would be genuinely SHOCKED! to hear that.
She needs to get away while her kids are still young. As soon as they’re old enough to perceive what’s happening, they’re going to be set up for a life of problematic relationships and therapy.
I also wonder if Mike is choosing the therapist because I’m really not sure how someone can see what’s happening in their relationship and not suggest that she needs to get out. I guess therapist aren’t that direct, but I’m surprised that she hasn’t been steered toward that.
I’ve never had a therapist point blank say “leave him” or “ divorce would be good” or “this guy is no good for you”.
Even the time I went to a therapist who specialized in divorce, ran monthly meetings for women going through a divorce, and said to her I’m being lied to and cheated on, she would still say “well what do you think/feel/want to do?” and never said “that’s probably not a good idea” when I gave any reason to stay.
When you are in a mentally abusive relationship (and I consider any relationship with continual lying and cheating emotionally abusive) you are no longer yourself after a while. Trauma bonds are a real thing.
Anyway, I feel sorry for her. It is sad that she’s in such a bad situation in the public eye.
That’s what I expected when I went to my first marriage guidance session (on my own) but my therapist listened to me for the best part of my hour and then simply shook her head backwards and forwards whilst saying “I see this all the time. Opposites attract but they don’t live together very well”. Funnily enough, I only needed one more session….
Maybe I should pass on her details?
I follow her on IG and she loves to show what a happy a family they all are. Him putting together toys the night before Christmas, playing with the kids in the play room – that sort of thing. But you just get this impression that he’s not that into her and he just says what she wants to hear to pacify her.
She did a lot of videos in her IG stories when both were on tour for their podcast and I just felt like he was cheating on her with some of the guests they had on their show. Jenna would be taking the video and you’d just see the way he looked at the other women and it creeped me out. There was a vibe – maybe it’s because he’s a known cheater but does not hide it well.
I feel bad for her children. Her daughter is petrified to sleep in her room at night and gets upset easily – all while mom is posting videos. I get she’s a child and those things just happen but she seems like a sensitive kid and I wonder if there’s so much anxiety and emotional stuff we aren’t seeing that she’s being exposed to or picking up on (or both). The little girl just seems sort of lost and mom’s in her closet doing IG videos.
Everytime I see her I see an exhausted soul.
It really makes me sad. That smile is not happy. Image the conditioning she must have gone through as a child and teenager to continue a cycle of emotional abuse over and over again.
God, she makes me sad for her…
Her first husband was physically abusive. He was charged with attempted murder for trying to kill her. I read her story awhile back and it is very sad. I also feel bad for her and I wonder what her childhood was like.
I was just saying she must be mentally exhausted but there Is something about him that she allows herself to be played. It’s sad. I’ve been there!
He knows she’ll put up with it, so he has no reason to stop. Temptation is much stronger when there are no consequences.
So dump him in favor of a man who can deliver the goods.
Wow that is some Khloe Kardashian Level DENIAL that chick is in …why waste your literal life with someone who doesn’t respect you. Think what she’s teaching her daughter…sad
I don’t know who either of these people are, but the one thing I will say is that this is an interesting idea. I think it’s worth looking into the reasons why people lie and giving them the space to come back and be honest without judgement. But this whole marriage is an effing mess.
Their children look sad. I would be embarrassed if these 2 were my parents.
I did the ‘you have 10 minutes to recant your lie with no punishment’ … with my kids .. when they were in grade school.
Sounds like that’s his maturity level, so …