Kacey Musgraves says dating sucks due to the dating app hookup culture

Kacey Musgraves and boyfriend Cole Schafer walk Hand in Hand  in New York
We haven’t covered country star Kacey Musgraves much because she’s not a controversial person in the least. I have a lot of respect for her after reading her interviews and seeing her support for progressive causes. Plus her fashion and styling are usually impressive. Kacey, 33, went through a divorce last summer from her husband of three years, Ruston Kelly. Kacey’s new album, Starcrossed, is out today. People magazine has some segments from an interview Kacey did with Apple Music’s Zane Lowe. Their conversation was kind of deep and I wanted to talk about it, particularly what she said about dating. You can see those clips on People’s site and here’s some of what she said:

One of the strongest things you can do is be witnessed being vulnerable. The whole point of it is human connection. Seeing messages from people around the globe saying ‘I’ve gone through the same thing you have, can’t wait to hear these songs.’ I feel through this process a little closer to humanity.

You can be the golden hour girl and you can have rose-colored glasses and experience this early-shattering love and you can experience the antithesis of that. That is life. It’s real.

[Heartbreak] is an opportunity to dig into yourself, to learn more about why you do the things you do, why you choose the things you do. I think that we’re all just reenacting what we’ve learned through our childhoods in our adult relationships. It took me back to ground zero in trying to understand myself. You’re trying to heal your past through your present relationships.

On Thanksgiving day I had been let down by someone who was going to come visit me. It was my first few steps into exploring being a single 30-something year old person after a marriage. Nothing for nothing, after a huge point in my career, more notoriety, it was a really naked place. Also being kind of excited about exploring some of that and also being really disappointed by it.

We live in this hookup culture. I’m for whatever makes you feel happy, as long as it’s safe, doesn’t hurt other people. I’ve never experience that, the dating app culture, I’m not going to. It was just shocking.

[From video clips on People.com]

Earlier this summer Buzzfeed published an article by a cis heterosexual woman around Kacey’s age who tried various dating apps and reported her results. I was surprised that she had no luck on the apps, but that’s been my experience too. I’m 15 years older than these women and I just assumed the pool of available men was dirtier and more shallow. As Kacey mentioned the apps contribute to this. They exist to keep people engaged and addicted to swiping. They also give the illusion of so many choices. There are always going to be people looking to hookup, but it just seems worse lately. I keep telling myself that it only takes one person though! Kacey is coupled up now, and her frustration with dating is sadly relatable. It doesn’t sound like she was on the apps, but she knows what it’s like.

This outfit is kind of terrible but I’m assuming she didn’t choose it since she’s at a fashion exhibition.
Embed from Getty Images

Embed from Getty Images

Here’s Kacey out with her new boyfriend, Cole Schafer, in June. They met at a restaurant in NY!
Kacey Musgraves and beau Cole Shafer step out for dinner in NYC!

Embed from Getty Images

photos credit: Backgrid and Getty

Related stories

You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.

15 Responses to “Kacey Musgraves says dating sucks due to the dating app hookup culture”

Comments are Closed

We close comments on older posts to fight comment spam.

  1. Sally says:

    I’m currently on tinder (nothing else has a somewhat sizeable pool in this back of beyond area that I’m at) and I can confirm, it SUCKS! I never was one for online dating, that’s true, but I’m not happy with my singledom and there’s literally no other option atm, nor in the foreseeable future.

    • DuchessL says:

      Omg Sally (Im with my husband since a few decades so i wouldn’t understand) 2 of my friends are on the same app, and they keep discovering that they’ve been out with all the same guys because it’s actually a small pool!!! LOL Those women I’ve known since forever, they are good decent people: but whatever whoever you are, the hooking up culture is real an the pressure is heavy to adhere.

  2. Muggs says:

    Stars, they’re just like us!!! I’ve always really liked how open and honest she is about her life and seems to be a total outlier in country music. She could have fit the mold and been wildly successful.

    I’m happily single but I try apps because I’d like a partner who complements me, and it gets boring doing things solo when I can’t find a friend who wants to join…but it’s ROUGH out there!!!

  3. Adri3nne92 says:

    Tinder and all the other apps absolutely suck until it doesn’t. I was on them on and off for awhile and hated every single one but I met my current partner on tinder. 3 years later, it’s been the best relationship of my life. Its true, it really does just take one person. You just have to sift through all the trash to find them.

    • girl_ninja says:

      That is wonderful for you and encouraging to hear. It’s just so hard to power through and meet someone on apps. I believe that my man is out there, but it’s difficult to see sometimes.

  4. vociferousgirl says:

    Can confirm. As someone who is looking for not just a hookup (I am too old for that shit. At 32), and doesn’t want kids, there is NOTHING out there. Even on dates with people I might be interested in sleeping with, there is so much pressure to just DO THE THING.

    COVID seemed to make it worse because a lot of the dudes I matched with asked me to come over to their place, and then got offended when I said no.

    SIR. Do you not understand how dangerous it is to go to the house of someone you have never met?

  5. girl_ninja says:

    Being single in the app era IS really challenging and discouraging. I’m in my 40′s and had ZERO luck with them. I just end up deleting the apps altogether. I know a handful of friends who have met people online and only two have have married. That was the old OK Cupid dating website. It can be discouraging but I am holding out hope, I do have faith .

  6. Lunasf17 says:

    I love her and went to her show a couple years ago and it was so good. Her new guy is so damn hot!

    • AMA1977 says:

      Agree, I just adore her, her writing/songs and her general outlook. I’d love to see her live (in theory, crowds may forever be a no for me, lol).

      In my house, anytime someone doesn’t like you for being you, we shrug and play “You Can’t Be Everybody’s Cup of Tea” and I am always telling my kids “mind your own biscuits.” I hope she finds a meaningful connection with a person who knows what he has and who she values, too. I hope that for everyone who is looking!!

    • Driver8 says:

      I’ve seen her live several times and her voice is amazing. Always a great performance. And she’s more beautiful in person!

  7. Joanna says:

    I dated after my divorce using online apps. Nothing but guys looking to get laid. It was ok for awhile since I had only been with my husband in 6 years but when I was ready, I couldn’t find anyone looking for a relationship. Then there was the guy who texted and texted but never managed to meet up so I thought he probably had someone and I stopped communicating with him. I finally ended up meeting a good guy in real life. But damn I forgot how bad dating can be!

  8. Meg says:

    Honestly if a knockout like her has to deal with guys just wanting hookups before finding a guy who actually likes her for her, makes me feel so much better that its not just me dealing with it because im not attractive enough. If its this bad for her how bad will it be foe us normal looking people?

  9. StrawberryBlonde says:

    The apps suck until they don’t. In late 2016 I broke up with a toxic bf. The relationship had been over in my heart for months but it took time for me to get the courage to end it. I was 34, almost 35 and had to go back on the apps. I tried Tinder, Match, Bumble and POF. It really was all the same people on each one. But I tried to have low expectations and just have fun. In early 2017, just 2 weeks shy of my 35th birthday, I went on a POF date. His picture had only been ok but I liked what he wrote about his family, niece, and dog. Omg. We had the best first date ever. We talked for 5 hours about everything. There was palpable physical attraction. We were just drawn to each other. At the end of the night he walked me to my car, asked if he could kiss me (I said yes) so he kissed me and picked me up and twirled me.

    I went home that night and told my friends I felt like I had found my “one”. They said calm down lol, it was one date.

    5 months later we were engaged and living together.

    We got married in early 2018.

    We had our son in early 2019.

    It really just takes that one right connection.

  10. GrnieWnie says:

    I guess it depends on what you want out of the app. I went on Tinder for the first time in my life last year, laid out exactly what I was looking for, found someone who was up for it…et voila. Been dating for a year now. But also, I don’t think I approached the app with the same sort of conditioning that most users probably have since I was a blank slate in terms of online dating. What worked for me is being very open and specific about what I was looking for. And I put some descriptive details in my profile that I thought would weed certain kinds of people out, like people who would maybe get insecure about/couldn’t relate to some things (e.g. my work, background).

    This comment makes me sound like a total sex perv, which I’m not, just had a unique situation going on.

  11. Mimi says:

    It’s true lol it does suck