Thanks to the rantings of an elderly dementia patient, Greenland has had an unusually bright spotlight on it the past year. So with threats to sovereignty being bandied about, it’s not uncommon these days for world news organizations to dispatch reporters to the scene. That’s how Associated Press’ European Security Correspondent Emma Burrows came to be on the ground in the Arctic Circle in Ilulissat, where she and AP photographer Zhenya were filming with dog sledders. While I was hoping the reporting would continue with an expose on how dog sledding is the key underpinning operation to all European security matters, I have to admit the story Emma ended up telling was also pretty good: a sled dog stole one of AP’s fancy-schmancy 360-degree $700 cameras and used it as a chew toy! Don’t worry, there’s video… captured by the thief! Here’s a transcript of Emma’s commentary from the video:

We were filming with dog sledders in Greenland in the Arctic Circle when we realized that one of our cameras had gone missing. And Zhenya, AP’s photographer, and I racked our brains. We looked high and low and we couldn’t find it. And then we both independently concluded that a dog had probably taken it. We went back in the pitch black to the site where the dogs were to search. I saw some dogs running away from the point where we both thought we’d last seen the camera lying on the floor. There, amazingly on the ground was lying the 360-degree camera. And what’s even more amazing is that the dog had hit record. In the footage, you can see the dog basically using Zhenya’s $700 camera as a very expensive chew toy. It’s chewing the camera and then it picks it up and runs with it and hides underneath a sled. What’s great though is that it came out from under the sled with the camera. Otherwise, we would never have found it again.

[From AP on YouTube]

Well, I think Emma and Zhenya just got schooled in this ancient bit of international law: finders keepers. Not to mention the universal law of caninedom: anything can be a chew toy. If I were working for AP, though, I’d be offering that budding cinematographer an internship stat — before some other agency snaps them up! Talk about on the ground reporting. That pooch hit angles no one else could have! Or, as long as I’m still entertaining my fantasy of sled dogs being top secret agents responsible for maintaining global security (think about it, why else would AP’s “European Security Correspondent” be talking to them, hmm??), then maybe these dogs can be sent on a mission to obtain critical pieces of handheld equipment from our adversaries. Hell, I’d be thrilled if one of these noble pups would chew a certain president’s phone into oblivion, then we’d all be saved from those god-awful Truth Social ramblings. If the content of those posts doesn’t kill me, the indiscriminate capitalizations will. THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER!!

Photos are screenshots from YouTube