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Although he’s produced many hit songs, Benny Blanco became famous in 2023, when he started dating Selena Gomez. After months of adorable Instagram posts together, they got engaged in 2024. The more we learn about Benny, the more he sounds like a great, solid partner. Selena and Benny even released a joint album in May, called I Said I Love You First. Benny just did a big interview with InStyle where he talked about the album, how much he loves Selena, and how his mom taught him to treat women right. He even has advice for all the single (and not-single) ladies: ”Don’t settle for f-ckboys!”
Wife Guy Alert: Benny Blanco is so ready to be a wife guy. So much so that when I approach his Beverly Hills abode—a Tuscan-style home where he’s lived the past six years solo, cushioned by hedges and hot pink bougainvillea flowers—the award-winning songwriter-producer greets me after his workout wearing floral gym shorts, plus a tie-dye T-shirt bearing a portrait of himself and his pop star fiancée, Selena Gomez, printed across the chest. “It was a gift from my friend Patrick,” says Blanco, 37. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
They’re both Swifties: “In the car, we’ll have our little Swiftie moment. She’s a true Swiftie, through and through. Then she got me on the train, and now I’m a full Swiftie. I don’t listen to a ton of contemporary music anyways, but Selena would play me the deep cuts. And I was like, ‘Damn… Taylor’s pen is so fire!”
On how long he’s known Selena: “I met Selena when she was 16,” Blanco says, explaining her mom connected them professionally as she prepared to sign a record deal. “We didn’t work together until many years later. They say you’ve probably already met the person that you’re gonna spend the rest of your life with… I never believed that shit until it happened to me. And now I get to kiss her. It’s like my own little fairytale I concocted.”
His mom didn’t believe he was working with Britney: “I was like, ‘Mom, I’m going in the studio with Britney Spears [on “Circus”]. She was like, ‘No, you’re not.’ And I was like, ‘I swear, I am!’ That’s how it was. Even when my songs got big, my mom was like, ‘Yeah, but what’s your backup plan?’”
His mom’s his biggest role model: In the wake of her divorce from Blanco’s father, she equipped her son with ample relationship advice. “My mom always took the time to explain how a female mind works because she was going through so many dating traumas when I was growing up,” he explains, crediting her love for painting and music as a source of his own creativity, joy, and tenderness. “I’ve had some tough times, but I’ve always been like a very happy person. I just wake up stoked every day.”
His resulting emotional intelligence became evident during a recent appearance on celebrity life coach Jay Shetty’s ‘On Purpose’ podcast. Blanco left audiences positively floored by the ease with which he took responsibility for his role in maintaining relational harmony: “I think people’s biggest problem, especially men, is we don’t listen all the time… A woman will tell you exactly what she needs.”
He’s learned how to treat a woman by now: “I’m 37 years old. I hope I know how to treat a woman by now! Like, you should always ask a woman what they wanna do. Don’t always talk about yourself. Then you put it into practice… and you fuck up so much, oh my God. You know how many frogs I had to kiss to get to Selena?”
Don’t settle for f*ckboys, ladies: I can’t help but wrinkle my nose at the comparison. “They were beautiful frogs!” Blanco assures me, “And like, guys are so bad… I know so many awesome women who are single. And it’s like, how are they single? They’re 10 out of 10! But there are so many fuckboys. Don’t settle, ladies. Not for some dude that uses more hair gel than you do.”
He wants to be a dad: “I love kids; I love being an uncle. I want to be a dad, though, God willing. I’m just dreaming and praying every day.”
Celebrate women: [H]e hopes their latest record, with all the love and goodwill baked into it, will resonate with young men and women looking for their other halves—musical and otherwise. “These are the years of strong women, and to me, it’s so important that powerful women are being heard and loved and respected,” Blanco says. “I can’t wait to see what it does for this next generation of music. And for women in general, not having to take shit from dumb men… And not having to sing as much about suffering, I guess!”
”[T]here are so many f-kboys. Don’t settle, ladies. Not for some dude that uses more hair gel than you do.” LMAO! Benny is truly a f-cking delight. He’s also 100% correct. Forget about the hair gel! Know your worth and don’t settle below it! In the same vein, I love how he stresses the importance of men learning emotional intelligence. It’s so badass that he takes the time to get it on the record that he is firmly of the belief that all men should celebrate the women in their lives and that women do not have to take sh-t from “dumb men.” It sounds like his mama really did raise him right. As the mother of two young boys that are growing up in the age of manosphere social media, this really gives me hope and inspiration. He really seems like just a solid dude. I’m so happy for Selena that she found one of the good ones.
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Photos credit: Santi Ramales/Backgrid, Getty and via Instagram
His mother did such a good job raising him right and he continued on with that learning as he got older. I hope he and Selena have a beautiful life and I hope his child wish comes true.
As a single mom of a 15yo straight white cis dude, I remind myself daily that I am (hopefully) raising some woman’s husband. Raising my kid to have emotional intelligence and be a good listener and not be an asshole fuckboy is my biggest goal. Benny’s mom clearly understood the assignment!!
I recently had an exchange with a guy online. The subject was about men and how they’re struggling, and someone mentioned a theory that as we age, to 50’s, 60’s and beyond, women become more like men and men become more like women.
And this guy said, yeah, I think that’s true in my case WRT “patience, tolerance, and empathy for animals, etc”
And I was like But why does having those qualities make men “more like women”? Those strike me as qualities that would be part of the baseline for “adult human being”
And that attitude … that being present in relationships, listening, having patience, tolerance, empathy are seen as things that women do, but men don’t or aren’t expected to … just blew my mind (and explains the behavior of a lot of men I’ve known and why I’m often frustrated, unsatisfied in relationships)
Sounds like Benny’s got it right … he’s looking to be a whole adult human being taking a glorious fun exciting ride through life with another whole adult human being as his partner in the adventure.
I wish these two all the best of everything 🥰
Our society has a bad habit of labeling anger/rage as the only acceptable male emotion.
It is strange though. My husband is one of the most empathetic people I know and I would never say that he’s more “like a woman” than other men I have dated. He’s just very emotionally mature and emotionally intelligent.
As Jessie Ware says in her podcast when she interviewed Selena and Benny, “I love that all my algorithms at the moment are you telling everyone on how to be a better boyfriend.”
I like Benny so much–such a refreshing guy.
He seems great. (he seems amazing- the research into whataburger re-heating and having all the components driven from Vegas to prepare for her- just adorable and preciously thoughtful)
But i also want to acknowledge the work Selena did for/on herself to be in a place where she could accept this kind of love. She could have stayed in that place, where her relationships were toxic and she was miserable. And she didn’t. It is not easy to do that kind of work.
I was with my ex-husband for three decades in total; he had an undeniable swagger and alpha energy that was really attractive. But it never quite felt like I got to the epicenter of him as a person, which always left me feeling inexplicably lonely. It wasn’t until I met my current partner that I realized what had been missing all along: true connection. He’s a complete 180 from my ex, and I have to admit, I was so wired for that alpha energy, that “feeling grateful for the crumbs” vibe, it almost didn’t feel “masculine“ enough for me. I sort of challenged him with it, and, much like what another commenter said above, he challenged me back, asking why being vulnerable, emotionally available, and all those other good things, is considered feminine? He really made me reflect and reconsider what I bought into all along about how a man should be, versus how a woman should be: he made me redefine true strength Five years in, now that I know what it is to be, with an emotionally intelligent, sensitive, available, willing-to-be-vulnerable man, there is no way I could ever go back. So much so, I’m marrying him in three months. ♥️
Congrats on your upcoming marriage!
“I think people’s biggest problem, especially men, is we don’t listen all the time… A woman will tell you exactly what she needs.”
It’s a generalization but I think it is often true. How many times does a straight break up “come out of nowhere” to a man who has been explicitly asked to do X, Y, Z by a woman and he just… won’t. And usually it’s not even big stuff.
Yup, and it’s often something super easy, doesn’t involve any of the things dopes in the man-o-phere claim womenz demand.
Eg the guy who wrote the “my wife divorced me because I wouldn’t put my coffee cup in the dishwasher.”
He got it, eventually, too late for his marriage but he’s trying to help other men avoid doing the exact damn thing in their relationships.
He’s a gem. But I wouldn’t categorically dismiss fuckboys. I’m sure they have their uses until the right one comes along. Also, Selena is breathtakingly beautiful in all these photos.
I officially stan Benny Blanco in a big way. The dude produced Moves Like Jagger! He cooks (well)! He should open a How to Be school for men. I’ve known many guys even older than 37 who think being in a relationship is all about the woman fitting into his life instead of it being any sort of partnership.