Lindsay Lohan is like the Roman Polanski of crackhead fugitives


Yesterday, I tried to sum up all of the sketchy, cracked out excuses Lindsay Lohan was making for her inability to fly back to Los Angeles to face her court date, which is today. Her lawyer claimed that Lindsay had lost her passport, and that they were trying to get some kind of emergency temp passport from the American embassy. Dina Lohan went to Radar and threw herself a little pity party because there wasn’t “someone in a higher echelon to help us” at the French embassy. Uh… French embassy? That would be necessary if a French citizen was caught in America. Not an American citizen caught in France. Ugh, Dina, f-ck your damn lies. Anyway, as predictable as this sounds, it turns out that the Lohans got caught out on their bullsh-t quick. Radar is reporting that according to the duty officer at the U.S. Embassy in France, Lindsay has not applied for a new passport.

Lindsay Lohan has not requested a new passport and may be stuck in France for a little while longer, has exclusively confirmed. Maryse Nebatti, the Duty Officer in Marseille for the U.S. Embassy in France, told that Lindsay reported the passport stolen but “has not requested a new passport.”

The embassy office in Marseille is the closest location to Lindsay who has been in Cannes promoting her latest role as porn star Linda Lovelace.

Lindsay’s mother Dina told that her passport was stolen and she was turned away from a flight back to the United States on Tuesday.

“This was not a planned scheme,” she said.

The U.S. Embassy confirmed that Lindsay faxed a copy of her passport to their Paris embassy but has not specifically requested a new one. According to the Duty Officer, neither Lindsay nor her mother Dina have contacted the Embassy, but a representative of hers from the United States phoned the Embassy in Paris at 6:25pm local time.

The Embassy closed at 6pm local time but the representative spoke to an after hours staffer.

Nabatti told that even though she has not received a request for the new passport, she has contacted the Consul to alert them of Lindsay’s situation.

“There is nothing we can do this late,” Nabatti told

According to the Embassy, Lindsay needs to fill out the paperwork to get a temporary passport. That paperwork cannot be obtained until Thursday morning. Danette Meyers, the Deputy District Attorney in Los Angeles who is handling Lindsay’s case, told that she will seek to jail Lindsay for up to 180 if she is found to be in violation of her probation. Lindsay’s mother Dina insisted this was not an excuse for Lindsay to get out of the court hearing on Thursday in Los Angeles.

“I’m exhausted… I’ve been up for the last 24 hours with Lindsay and her attorneys dealing with this,” she told earlier on Wednesday. “We are actively dealing with the French Embassy as we speak but unfortunately they close at a certain hour so we¹re trying to get someone in a higher echelon to help us.”

[From Radar]

Jesus, what cracked out drama. And for what? Because Lindsay wanted to party in France. Because she wanted to f-ck Dominic Cooper and pose on red carpets and do the heavier French drugs. And because she doesn’t give a sh-t about court appearances or even doing the very bare minimum to see that she doesn’t go to jail. Well, she’s still “stuck” in France. So she’s going to jail.

By the way, LaineyGossip did a really great, epic post about Lohan Drama yesterday and she pointed out several two points. One: “They were floating around the excuse that she might not make it due to volcanic ash. Please. The ash is only affecting flights to the UK. France to Germany and then connecting to North America – at press time – is fine…. She’s here because she’s an asshole.” Second point: “On the advance tip sheet for a party happening tomorrow night, her name was ON IT. So if she was supposed to be back in LA, how come someone told the party organizers that she’d be showing up?” Because Lindsay’s plan was to have a cracked out adventure in France all along. Wouldn’t it be awesome if she stayed there, a la Roman Polanski? Like, she would be a cracked-out fugitive from justice.

By the way, I’m doing these close-ups of her so you can see how f-cking dirty her skunky crackface is. Look at her filthy face! How do her ears get that nasty?



Lindsay Lohan in Cannes on May 17, 2010. Credit: WENN & ANG/Fame.

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44 Responses to “Lindsay Lohan is like the Roman Polanski of crackhead fugitives”

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  1. Ruby Red Lips says:

    Well written Kaiser

    I am so sick of her entitlement and believing she is above the law, so glad she has been found out – Dina is just as bad, disgusting family who really need a reality check

  2. fugly says:

    “this was not a planned scheme.”
    right, dina. it was an impromptu scheme.

  3. maria says:

    How scuzy are you to fuck Lindsay Lohan? Dominic Cooper is either the dumbest or grossest guy in Cannes.

  4. Circe says:

    To be fair to Polanski, he’s never flashed people when getting out of a limo.

  5. ogechi says:

    I may not be a Lindsay’s fan but I think she may not be as bad as they make her look. I pity her for these terrible stories written abt her and her family. Wish they allow this young lady pass through her youthful exuberance.

  6. flourpot says:

    Haha!Fugly, that sentence popped for me too. Just saying “planned scheme” is a planned scheme. I wonder if the judge reads this website. It’d be helpful, yeah? :)

  7. canadianchick says:

    If the judge doesn’t throw the book at her now, then the judge needs to go back to judge school for some upgrading.

  8. MMS says:

    Cannot wait til she’s gone for awhile… btw is it weird that you can see her white scalp through her hair but her ponytail is thick? seems someone blows too much money on drugs and hair extensions.

  9. YT says:

    She is a self-entitled brat who is prone to temper tantrums when she doesn’t get her way. Bad manners to boot. The passport excuse is just a way to keep partying. She knows, and she is probably right, she can get away with it.

    Who is the idiot who paid her way to and from Cannes? There should be a trashy story in there.

  10. Green Is Good says:

    @Circe: Ha ha ha!

  11. Green Is Good says:

    @YT: Who paid for Hohan’s trip to Cannes? Her Pimp.

  12. ViktoryGin says:

    @ ogechi

    It seems like your delusion extends beyond married women who have humiliated by their philandering husbands.

    Half of the stories that hit the media about this girl are self-evident…like her continued violation of her probation.

  13. suz says:

    Just when I thought she couldn’t disgust me any more, she goes ahead and succeeds. What a despicable excuse for a human being. Really, what could redeem her at this point?

  14. Jazz says:

    Please lock this loser up! It’s time. Jail might save her life and she needs to learn a few harsh life lessons.

    “I’m exhausted… I’ve been up for the last 24 hours with Lindsay and her attorneys dealing with this”

    More like up for the last 24 hours with Lindsay partying their asses off. Lock the mother up too, she’s useless. If the judge doesn’t give her a jail sentence then she shouldn’t be a judge. A real jail sentence too, not 80 minutes or whatever the standard celebrity sentence is.

  15. Guest says:

    I really hope the judge calls her out on this ridiculous abuse of the legal system, but I fear as ever, Lohan will skate by without any consequences to make her finally have to stop and own up to her actions. Personally I think jail time might be the best thing for her: 1) it would keep her locked up and unable to party, 2) it would force her to detox and sober up, and 3) incarceration might finally make her think about how she is blowing her entire career and life away. I have no sympathy for her because she isn’t taking any responsibility for her actions,and neither are those around her. When Nicole Richie was busted on DUI she owned up to her actions, took the courts/legal system seriously and got herself clean – I can at least respect her for that.

    As for Dina, why does no one in the media blatantly call her out for her obvious lies? That statement about being up with Lohan for 24 hours is clearly false since the Embassy had not heard from either of them and during the timeframe Dina indicated Lohan was off partying and f***ing Cooper. She is as much a disease to her daughter as her substance problems. Someone needs to get Lohan away from these leaching enablers.

  16. meme says:

    I’m betting Hohan gets yet another reprieve from this moron of a judge and Hohan will continue her free ride living the luxe life until she OD’s and dies, which if that’s the only way to be rid of her, so be it.

  17. sasha says:

    Paris Hilton almost didn’t get to Cannes because she lost her passport. Is that where Lilo got the idea??

  18. flourpot says:

    Celebrities don’t go to real jail. (not including Martha Stewart) As much as it would be nice, she’ll be kicked back in a nice leather chair with a iced lemonade – probably spiked – waiting for her hairdresser to show up…in jail.

  19. c says:

    Where is the judge that threw Robert Downey Jr into prison? Certainly that’s who she needed when she took her cracked out joyride with the unwilling passengers. Not that LL is anywhere near the talent that RDJ is (and I’ve not quite forgiven him for ruining Ally McBeal–though I’m close). Get the RDJ prison judge!!!!

  20. d says:

    if Lindsey was really cracked out, etc., would the whites of her eyes be so…white? I’d think that her eyewhites would look red or yellow or faded if she was really as unhealthy as we are being told. And, I wonder if someone stole her passport to sabotage her? I mean, still an idiot for going and partying it up, but I would’nt be surprised if it was really easy to mess around in her life. Then again, the “dog ate my homework” approach is also easily plausible. Whatever, the case, she can’t disappear from the public eye soon enough.

  21. dovesgate says:

    Visine keeps your eyes from looking like youre a cracked out mess. I’m sure Lohan has all the druggie tricks down pat.

  22. serena says:

    I hope she finds some haters in jail who beat her up till reason (so never). I can’t stand her anymore and Dina.. what the hell? Still trying to defend her? you know she’s a hopeless fuck-ing crackhead (you help her become that)..sigh.
    And, did she do her cheeks too? They seems too full.

  23. Ruby Red Lips says:

    Come on if Paris alledgedly calls you ‘druggie girl’ then you know your in trouble!

  24. julie says:

    On Nancy Grace last night, they showed pics of lohan with her ankle bracelet on. Why did they ever remove it? Does the Judge have the internet? All they need is a montage of her falling down, stumbling with a drink in her hand. I think that says Probation Violation. Im sure if she does go to jail (I doubt it) she will turn it into a reality show or a photo shoot or something.

  25. meme says:

    Lilo has to wear a SCRAM bracelet!!!!

    UPDATE 8:46 AM PT: Judge Revel set LiLo’s bail at $100,000!

    UPDATE 8:40 AM PT: Judge Revel just laid out stipulations if Lindsay posts bail:

    1) LiLo can’t drink any alcohol until she has a formal probation hearing
    2) The day LiLo arrives back in Los Angeles, she gets fitted with a SCRAM bracelet — which is an alcohol monitoring device
    3) Lindsay has to undergo random drug testing at least once a week

    UPDATE 8:38 AM PT: Judge Marsha Revel is not having it … and just issued a warrant for Lindsay’s arrest!

    UPDATE 8:37 AM PT: It’s started! Shawn is addressing the judge, and explained the whole passport debacle.

    UPDATE 8:19 AM PT: Lindsay’s lawyer, Shawn Chapman Holley, has arrived. Michael Lohan is also at the courthouse.

    Read more:

  26. jeannified says:

    I have read bloggers saying how nasty and “dirty” she looks. She does NOT. However, she DOES look like she’s on MAJOR drugs in many pictures. She’s a total mess! if she doesn’t end up in jail when she gets back to the states, I’ll be convinced that stars really ARE able to pull the necessary strings, in order to avoid jail! Let’s hope that she has to serve some jail time! She’s such a brat!

  27. YT says:

    What about prescription meds? Adderall can keep her going for days if she is over-prescribed. At least the judge is requiring drug testing. Lindsay must be really pi**ed. Idiot.

  28. Paul E. Stanl;ey says:

    I have a question and maybe somebody could shed some light on it, because I don’t travel and really don’t know how this work but.

    If this happened?

    “the Duty Officer in Marseille for the U.S. Embassy in France, told that Lindsay reported the passport stolen but “has not requested a new passport.”

    How could this happen?
    “The U.S. Embassy confirmed that Lindsay faxed a copy of her passport to their Paris embassy”

    If I lose something that usually means I don’t have it anymore. So if she lost her passport, how could she fax a copy if it?

  29. xxodettexx says:

    thanks for the tip, meme!

    FINALLY a judge willing to take action against this brat’s stupidity and lack of respect for the law!

  30. Tia C says:

    @ jeannified: Yeah, I don’t see all the dirt and filth others talk about, either. It just looks like she overuses the self-tanner to me, which is not any more attractive than dirt, but, well, it’s not dirt.

    Anyway, if the judge in LA issued a warrant for her arrest, I wonder if in fact she WILL stay in France a la Polanski? She is SUCH a loser.

    @ Paul: Good point! Evidently there’s ALL kinds of BS floating around in this story.

  31. bellaluna says:

    Throw. Her ass. In jail.

  32. Lem says:

    worries me– this judge goes on vacation next week. IF LiLo comes back then… she gets a different judge

  33. lucy2 says:

    I seriously bet someone told her about Polanski escaping jail by going to France, and she thinks it will work for her!
    “This was not a planned scheme,” Dina said. LOL – that’s like a little kid going “I didn’t do it!” as soon as they break something. Just by saying that, you know that it is.
    I hope someone has given the judge the info about them looking for earlier excuses as to why she couldn’t come back (ash my ass) and about her rsvp’ing to a party when she’s supposed to be in court. Clearly she had no intention of returning for the court date – she seems to think if she ignores the problems, they’ll go away.

    I hope that judge throws her ass in jail.

    Just read on TMZ that because there’s now a warrant on her, the minute she sets foot in the US, they’re going to arrest her at customs. I imagine there will be lots of sobbing by Dina, and wailing about everyone picking on the child!

  34. dread pirate cuervo says:

    Seeing as how she missed her court date by being out of the country, why did she get bail? She’s clearly a flight risk. I hope they ask for her passport & she hands in the one she “lost”. She needs some time in a cell to save her life.

  35. e-non says:

    “We are actively dealing with the French Embassy

    well, hell, no wonder she can’t get a replacement — they need to contact the U.S. consulate.

  36. Stephy2185 says:

    Bahaha! Oh, Mr. Crocker, you’ve brought so much JOY to my life, lol

    ANYWAY, I feel bad for this girl. She was the one who released that song “Rumors” ASKING, BEGGING, PLEADING with the press and paparazzi to LEAVE HER ALONE. We didn’t comply and now she’s losing her shit. Can’t say I blame the girl OR think she’s crazy..
    We made her this way.

  37. Jeri says:

    Love Dina citing the wrong embassies. Too Too Dina-ish!!

    I’ve heard it suggested you keep photocopies of your ID’s & other important items. Maybe one of LiLo’s handlers at one time had a good idea (re: faxing the lost passport).

  38. Lady D says:

    Dina…..”this was not a (well) planned scheme”

  39. Sugar & Spice says:

    @ Paul E. Stanley – it is highly recommended that you make photocopies of your passport, so that if it ever gets lost or stolen you can send in the photocopy when you request a replacement. You don’t automatically get a new one when the old one is lost, some people don’t want to spend the money to replace something they may not use again before it expires, but you don’t want anyone else using a stolen passport either. However, if I were in another country and knew that I couldn’t get home without my passport, the first thing I’d do after reporting it stolen is to request a replacement. If I really wanted to get home, that is.

  40. L says:

    @paul I have a copy of my passport at home when I travel. You’re actually supposed to do that in case anything happens to your passport when you are overseas e.g. if it gets “stolen”, so you can fax a copy and get a new one.

    Still I think Lindsay doesn’t have the foresight to think of that so I still think she’s lying.

  41. Paul E. Stanley says:

    @Sugar & Spice: and @ L: Thank you for clearing that up for me. Maybe I need to get out of the house more. :-)

  42. Camille says:

    Yeah bad fake tan on the face/ears I’d say there Kaiser.
    Also talk about liar liar pants on fire family or what.

  43. says:

    i feel the same way that at least some of you do on here… she doesn’t look dirty and disgusting…she looks like she uses self-tanner and if you are in a hurry or if you get hot and sweaty or take a shower or WHATEVER it can get gunky inside your ear like that, obviously i usually take a cotton ball and touch up or whatever if i happen to be using any, but she’s out at parties and on boats and busy losing her passport, so who knows… there are very few pictures where i have ever thought she looks gross or dirty or skeevy or whatever, that is just major 7th grade crap.
    second, i know that it’s documented that she has ADD and as someone that has ADD, let me tell you, i lose things CONSTANTLY. that being said, if that was me and i was her, i’d give my passport and copies of it to my handler or lock it in my hotel safe or whatever because that is obviously the one thing that you DO NOT want to lose. so that’s just stupid on her part or whoever was in charge of it….
    third, the back and forth over whether or not she had actually requested a new one is probably just a misunderstanding or something between her assistant (who is also probably an idiot) and the people who were in France at the office or embassy or whatever. i would assume that if i faxed my paperwork over saying my passport was stolen they would assume that i would need a new one. i wouldn’t think that it would be a whole new set of procedures to follow or whatever…but you know the old saying that “Never ASSume because it makes and ASSoutofUandME. also duh.
    fourth, i’m sure she thought that they would just reschedule her court date because, honestly, when i was 23 and thought the world revolved around me and knew absolutely nothing of the legal system, let alone those two things combined with being a famous celebrity and had a mom like Dina to call for advice, i would probably have also assumed that it would just be rescheduled…i mean really…how hard would it be to do that, they do that crap all the time, don’t they? i get the feeling the judge is just gunning for her in this case-whether it’s deserved or not(which i think she SHOULD get in some trouble at some point) but whatever. i’m sure she thought after the passport thing, she can’t leave the country, the date would be rescheduled and in the meantime that she’s stuck there, why not kick back and live it up at Cannes, right?!?!?

    im not all about defending Lindsay Lohan, but honestly, sometimes i read some of this crap and i just want to scream, “Come ON PEOPLE!!!!!” get over it!!!! people love to “hate on her” for however many reasons and i think a lot of it is ridiculous and i personally don’t really care. i just get annoyed when i read grown adult gossip bloggers saying stupid, middle school-ish like things…. i mean, really, it’s Lindsay Lohan, it’s like shooting fish in a barrel. i mean, pick on someone that actually takes some thought to come up with stuff about, i’d have a lot more respect for you then. Hating Lindsay Lohan is, like, sooooooooo 2008. i’m over it. OVER.IT. she really is just a kid basically, she’s 23… i know how i acted the year that i was graduating from college and i know how my younger sister acts RIGHT NOW, and she’s 25. and i know how all of her friends act, especially when they go out drinking and have a “long weekend” or vacation or go to Vegas together or WHATEVER, they act like crazy drunken ridiculous sluts (and i mean that in the best way possible!) who gives a crap what she does??? seriously??? i’m over it and i think a lot of people are too, i hope she gets her shizz together, gets into a good movie or two, takes some good roles….does more photography…WHATEVER. i don’t care what she does as long as she doesn’t die on us because that would just be sad. sad on all levels. tragic tragic young hollywood stuff.