Gloria Allred tells Whoopi Goldberg to ‘stop attacking victims’ in open letter

LOS ANGELES, CA - JUNE 18: Attorney Gloria Allred, who is representing Ken Slayton, attends a news conference at her law offices to respond to the Jaycee Dugard family press statement affirming that Ken Slayton is Jaycee's father on June 18, 2010 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by David Livingston/Getty Images)

My goodness! Gloria Allred has decided that Whoopi Goldberg needs “The Allred Treatment” and Gloria has just sent Whoopi an open letter. The whole thing seems based on Whoopi’s continuing insistence that Oksana Grigorieva was not and is not a victim of domestic abuse at the hands of Mel Gibson, and includes a partial transcript of Whoopi accosting Radar Online’s editor last week. Here’s the letter from Gloria Allred:

Last week on The View, when you were discussing Oksana Grigorieva’s allegations that Mel Gibson allegedly hit her and their baby, you asked David Perel of RadarOnline.com why Oksana did not go to the police first.

Whoopi: “Did she go to the police?”
David: “No she did not go to the police…”
Whoopi: “Why not?”
David: “Because most victims of domestic violence do not go to the police….they were still together..”
Whoopi: “I’m not buying that…for most victims..why not…If a man hits you, holding your child, and he hit the child according to what she’s saying, so why not go to the police first?”
David: “Absolutely should, but unfortunately it’s not the way it works.”
Whoopi: “I understand that but I don’t believe that, I think it’s BS..I think she was looking for dough.”

Whoopi, the answer is that there are many reasons that women who have been battered do not immediately go to the police.

Sometimes they are in fear that if they notify the police, it will only serve to increase their partner’s anger resulting in placing the victim and her children at even greater risk of harm from the batterer.

Sometimes the reason is that the victims mistakenly believe that they themselves provoked the violence and blame themselves for it rather than the batterer who inflicted the injuries upon them.

Yet another reason is that some women make the mistake of being protective of the batterer’s reputation. They fear that if they report it to the police and there is a prosecution and conviction it may adversely affect the batterer’s business and reputation in the community in a way that could cause significant economic, emotional, and reputational harm to the batterer. For this reason, the victim may be reluctant to “air their dirty laundry in public” since a police report is a public record. They believe that the batterer will never forgive them if they report and will blame the victim for what may be long lasting harm to him which may even include time in jail or prison for the battery, depending on the severity of the injuries inflicted.

Yet another reason is that the victim often rationalizes that the batterer will never repeat the violence, that she can urge him to get professional help and anger management counseling and that if she is successful the violence will stop and they can continue living happily ever after as a family which is what she hopes will happen, even though it almost never does. Sometimes, too, the victim has very little self esteem and thinks that the police, and the system will never believe her or will do nothing if the accused batterer is rich, famous and powerful.

She may also wrongly believe that the batterer has a special relationship and influence with the police that she will never have and that for those reasons he can influence the outcome of any criminal case.

Still other reasons that women do not report include pleas by the batterers to the victims to forgive them and promises by them that it will never happen again. Although the promises are almost never kept, including promises by batterers that they will voluntarily get help, the promises often dissuade women from reporting the violence to the police immediately.

Victims are often in shock after being attacked, particularly where their children have been hurt by the violence as well. Often they need time to think about who they can go to in order to learn the implications of going to the police and learn all of their legal options. In addition, the victims often need counseling themselves, in order to find the courage and strength to report the violence to law enforcement.

Their batterers have often kept them in a state of fear and emotional and economic dependence. In some cases, the batterers have threatened to kill the victim if she reports or have their friends do it. Shock and fear sometimes deter women from immediately reporting.

Economic dependence is also no small thing. Mothers sometimes fear that if they report that their child’s father has battered them, that the batterer will terminate all support, and that they and their child will have nowhere to go and no way to support themselves. The fear that the batterer will retaliate in this way is justified in many cases, because batterers often do react in that way and then force their victims, whom they know have little or no economic resources of their own, to retract what they say or face economic ruin and the prospect of a reduction or total cut off of child support.

It is a harsh reality that batterers often do hire lawyers to make their victims lives miserable, knowing that their victims do not have the economic resources to hire their own lawyers to protect and defend them and their rights. The batterers in many cases would prefer to spend money on lawyers to try to deter and crush their victim, instead of using those funds to support her and their children.

Whoopi, all, none, or just some of these reasons may apply in Oksana’s case. Only Oksana herself knows the true reasons, but what is important here is that I believe no victim of an alleged batterer should ever be blamed for not calling the police immediately.

While I certainly encourage them to do so, they should not be personally attacked because they do not. Life as a victim of violence, particularly where there are children is difficult and complicated enough without being publicly attacked and having their motives questioned because they failed to immediately report to law enforcement.

While it is fair to ask the question regarding why Oksana did not immediately call the police, I think it is unfair to jump to conclusions about why she did not, and immediately assume a nefarious motive and underlying agenda.

Whoopi, as we say in the domestic violence movement, there is no excuse for abuse. To that I will add there is also no excuse for others who do not know all of the facts to join in with a verbal attack on the victim.

Whoopi, I have always admired and enjoyed your talent, your work and your point of view. I know you care deeply about women’s rights and about victims. Your life and your views have been an inspiration to many. Please help us to end violence against women and children by supporting women in these complicated situations in the future. You have a daughter and a granddaughter. We need you on the side of the victims.

With Respect,
Gloria Allred

[Gloria’s open letter, courtesy of Radar]

Alright, just shoot me in the face because I 100% cosign everything Gloria just said. She makes solid point after solid point, and after having worked with domestic abuse issues, I know that Gloria is absolutely on target on this issue. I’m not saying that Whoopi isn’t entitled to her opinions, I’m just saying that IN MY OPINION, Whoopi is an a–hole who needs to stop defending rapists, pedophiles and women-beaters.

41832, LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA - Monday June 21 2010. Lawyer Gloria Allred at the CNN Building in LA to take part in Larry King's telethon in aid of victims of the BP oil spill. Photograph:  Greg Tidwell, PacificCoastNews.com

VIENNA, AUSTRIA - JULY 17: U.S. actress Whoopi Goldberg addresses the audience during a press conference prior to the Life Ball on July 17, 2010 in Vienna, Austria. (Photo by Miguel Villagran/Getty Images)

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59 Responses to “Gloria Allred tells Whoopi Goldberg to ‘stop attacking victims’ in open letter”

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  1. Runnymede says:

    Team Gloria!

  2. Praise St. Angie! says:

    yeah, I’m no fan of Allred, but I agree with all of this, too.

    EDIT: I can’t WAIT to see how Whoopi responds, because you KNOW she will…

  3. denise says:

    Both are equally annoying.
    But I’ll side with Gloria on this one. Whoopi is as unattractive as her choice of words. Cant’ stand her. She is never empathetic to women. Me thinks she may be a bit jealous ’cause she got short changed in the looks department.

  4. meme says:

    Freedom of Speech! Hello, people. Whoopi’s entited to say whatever stupid crap she wants to say. I think she’s a moron and I don’t buy/watch anything associated with her. THAT’S the way to go to have any impact on these morons. Gloria Allred’s a media whore.

  5. LOVE ANGELINA says:

    Totally agree with Gloria. Agree wholeheartedly and I love that her open letter was very respectful. I don’t know why Whoopi feels the need to defend her famous friends. I like Whoopi but defending industry people like she does makes me unhappy with her.

  6. guesty says:

    good for gloria.

  7. sapphire says:

    Too bad such a good letter came from one of the more notorious leeches, er, lawyers.I still think the analogy is wrong and Gloria wishes she had a piece of the $250,000 that just passed by.
    So now Gloria “accosted” Whoopi? Sheesh, get a dictionary.

  8. danielle says:

    Yeah, on this one…Team Gloria

  9. miranda says:

    While her letter makes perfect sense, it’s still written by a lawyer for whom women with “a nefarious motive and underlying agenda” are her bread and butter, thus devalueing an important message. If only Gloria could quit backing the money-grubbing, marriage-wrecking hos to line her own pockets, she could seriously do some good!

  10. Fluffy Kitten Tail says:

    I cannot stand famewhore Allred. She is a disgrace!

    I agree with what she said, but I still cannot stand her.

  11. SolitaryAngel says:

    Yeah, shoot ME too—for being forced to agree with GA. I dislike both women, but Whoopi seriously needs to sit down and stfu. She has been given a platform that she could use to help inspire and/or educate the many people who watch the show, but instead she uses it to daily spew her ignorant thoughts and I would really like to see her off the View. I guess they keep her on because her comments draw attention? Whatever.

  12. Sophie says:

    wow. I can’t believe I actually agree with Gloria Allred. There’s a first time for everything I guess!

    I still can’t stand her though.

  13. Iggles says:

    Even a broken clock is right twice a day!

    TEAM GLORIA.

    Whoopi needs to STFU with her defending industry friends nonsense.

  14. Kate says:

    It is unfortunate that it was written by Gloria, as that may damage its credibility and the letter certainly deserves attention.

    Never thought I would say this, but Gloria makes valid points. Domestic violence is a complex issue and is not as easily explained as Whoopi would like it to be.

  15. loverish says:

    Gloria is a nut job but she makes logical valid points in her letter. Whoopi is on the same wavelength as Rosie O’Donnell where they believe whatever they say is right and everyone elses’ opinions don’t matter. It’s called asssholeism.

  16. Feebee says:

    She made some valid points. But she’s Gloria Allred. What’s true on the stand for witnesses is also true for advocates like Ms Allred. Even if the witness is telling the truth, if they have a credibility problem, they may not be believed.

    I am not sticking up for Whoopi here because she says some really dumb things that make you wonder about her thought process and personal convictions but the point she was making about Oksana with that snake from Radar was NOT that Oksana didn’t go to the police (and thus must be telling the truth) but that she didn’t report it to police but managed to package it up nicely and give it to Radar Online. Then also that armed with Oksana’s evidence that the Radar crew did not see fit to report the crime they had evidence of.

    Now I see her daughter Lisa Bloom is defending that twat Michaele Sahali, conveniently against Whoopi Goldberg… sadly again a contrived complaint. How can these women expect to be taken seriously? They’ve Cried Wolf so often that now that Ms Allred finally has a genuine complaint so many find it hard to bother with her.

  17. TeeTee says:

    Its freedom of speech, a person can say how they feel on a subject PERIOD.

    Its how Whoopi feels what is the big deal, she is not the judge in the case.

    She is one person, big deal. I don’t agree with her but she has a right to her opinion.

    oh, Gloria, go pick on some athlete that left evidence of his affair or something.

  18. Meanchick says:

    I’m not a fan of either “woman.” GA is a $ whore and Whoopi just wants to stay in the limelight. Both are irresponsible. Whoopi’s comments are the exact reason why so many DV victims do not go the police. I wonder if her comments caused a specific woman not to report abuse and remain with her attacker? Nice work Whoopi! When is Babs gonna get rid of him, I mean her?

  19. GatsbyGal says:

    It’s like Woopi’s forgotten that she’s a woman. How can she keep defending these terrible men accused of harming all these women? I just don’t understand her at all.

  20. Linda says:

    Thank you, Gloria!

  21. K-MAC says:

    I cannot wait to read Whoopi’s response.I am sure it will be filled with all sorts of deflections and denials. She most definitely will not own up to any of her crap that she spews….GO Ms. Allred!!!!!!

  22. tuscan sun says:

    Ever the dutiful lawyer to spurned mistresses everywhere, Gloria Allred is now representing Voilet Kowal, the Polish woman who claimed to have an affair with Gibson while Oksana was pregnant. So Gloria is now directly involved in the Gibson case.

  23. mln says:

    on this issue GL is right 110% but I would say to her if she wants to be a good feminist stop defending mistresses and blackmailers.

  24. simplicity says:

    “I understand that, but I don’t believe that,” Whoopi

    Non-sensical, both the comment and her opinion.

    It wasn’t, abuse-abuse.

  25. London Lady says:

    Talk about chasing your tail. You can’t get Mel so you go after Whoopi. Go after the real perpetrator, who cares what she said. What a waste of time..

  26. a says:

    team gloria! i can’t believe it.

    what a great letter!

    @london lady: whoopi is on a morning talk show and her opinion may affect many people. it’s important that someone tries to educate her or at least inspire some empathy on her part.

  27. Kiska says:

    Whoopi is no friend to women and she needs a serious wake-up call to the seriousness of the crimes she is defending. I’m not a fan of Gloria but I’m glad she did address this issue.

  28. Crash2GO2 says:

    What an awesome letter! I am saving this to read for when I am feeling down on myself.

  29. original kate says:

    i’d like to see them in the ring, “celebrity deathmatch” style.

  30. Statler says:

    @London Lady- Agreed, this is a tempest in a teapot.

    And seriously, if Whoopi’s comments- or those of any celebrity for that matter- kept a woman from reporting abuse of herself & her child, then we are in a really sick place as a society. But I’d rather think that even the most vacuous among us would make their decisions based on their unique situation, rather than worrying about the opinion of some ‘famous’ person they’ll likely never meet.

    @original kate- I’d co-sign the deathmatch idea, except it’d just give them more publicity.

  31. Anna says:

    Whoopi is toeing the party line, and following the show biz tradition of backing the established celebrity.

  32. hatsumomo says:

    I guess its because Ive never been ‘battered’ but I still dont understand why women dont go to the police either.

  33. Lenore says:

    @ Hatsumoto – maybe if you read the letter, you WILL understand.

    @ Meme / Teetee: Gloria’s not trying to deny Whoopi her freedom of speech. She’s trying to educate her on the issues Whoopi herself expressed ignorance of. Freedom of speech does not mean freedom from criticism, and if, in expressing oneself, one says something stupid or ignorant, then others may exercise THEIR right to free speech by calling them out on their idiocy.

    I agree with her letter 100%, and admire the way in which she chose to explain rather than berate Whoopi.

  34. WhoopiSucks says:

    Whoopi knows a thing or two about domestic violence and abusive relationships. She knows how to defend the abuser and malign the victim.

    Whoopi is disgusting and I’ll never watch anything she does again.

    She is on a woman’s show, for goodness sakes! And she is a misogynist!!!! F You Whoopi. If I ever see you in L.A., I will go out of my way to give you a piece of my mind.

  35. WhoopiSucks says:

    P.S. Women generally don’t go to the police for several reasons. They have already been humiliated by the abuser and they don’t want further humiliation by blowing the scene up larger with the police involved. All they crave in those moments is some peace. They don’t want the police showing up (often late at night) arresting the guy, and then having to sit in a flourescent-lit police station.

    Then factor in all the issues with money, children, etc. and it’s just too much for most women to deal with. You have to remember they’ve already been beaten down emotionally and they don’t have the strength for a big fight, which it would be when you get the authorities involved.

    Again, Whoopi, you are a filthy, dirty misogynist.

  36. xxodettexx says:

    “IN MY OPINION, Whoopi is an a–hole who needs to stop defending rapists, pedophiles and women-beaters.”

    and i co-sign your words, Kaiser!

  37. kiki says:

    she is educating people whether you like her or not.

  38. kiki says:

    whoopi is a classic misogynist

  39. I used to totally hate Allred until I learned a little about her history (per an Bazaar interview a few months back) She was a teacher back in the ’60s and was constantly sexually harassed on her job, was raped on a class trip and consequently had a botched illegal abortion (pre Roe v Wade) and was tormented by the doctors at the hospital. This is why she’s so hell bent on calling men out. I still think she’s rather fame-whorey, but at least she has a legit motive

  40. sparkle586 says:

    Little known fact about Gloria Allred – her law firm actually does quite a bit of significant work on real womens’ issues. I have a law school friend who works for her and my friend works on really cool employment and public interest type cases that actually do lots of good. Not saying that Gloria’s public persona is not annoying as sh*t, but I suspect that this is how she funds the more meaningful work.

  41. Anti-icon says:

    Gloria Allred, it is much too late to be claiming to be a legal savior for anyone. While your disertation on domestic violence is accurate, you have already shot all your credibility on hookers and whores. Gloria Allred could have made a legacy as a women’s rights champion, but she instead chose to use the media to champion con artists and whores.

  42. Jeri says:

    Gloria makes good points but I think she wants to be famous & is keeping her name out there for that reason.

  43. mockey says:

    I can’t believe i’m team Gloria. I’ve always despised her.

  44. jc126 says:

    I still can’t stand Gloria Allred, who seems to be getting more in the limelight than ever this year.
    I also notice she glossed over the issue of why Oksana didn’t report Mel when he supposedly hit their infant, helpless child – she gave lots of seemingly reasonable rationales, all of which I’ve heard of before, but failed to address why a mother wouldn’t call the police on the guy who (allegedly – I don’t think he hit the baby) hit her infant? I’ve heard of battered women who called the police only AFTER the batterer hit their kids, because until that point he’d hit the woman only and they rationalized he wouldn’t hit the kids.
    If Mel, or anyone, had struck and killed the infant, and Oksana claimed she had been “too scared” to call 911, would that be an acceptable excuse for anyone here?

  45. Sally says:

    @ jc126: perhaps not acceptable, but it does happen. Your comment shows you either didn’t read or didn’t understand Gloria’s letter fully – which, like other posters have said, is very correct.

  46. Beep Beep goes the Jeep says:

    They fear that if they report it to the police and there is a prosecution and conviction it may adversely affect the batterer’s business and reputation in the community in a way that could cause significant economic, emotional, and reputational harm to the batterer. For this reason, the victim may be reluctant to “air their dirty laundry in public” since a police report is a public record.

    ————————————

    So, by this logic, Oksana’s excuse for not reporting DV to the police was not only because she lived in abject fear for her life (allegedly) but she was fearful of causing irreparable financial, reputational and emotional harm?

    By GA’s definition of a battered victim, Oksana didn’t go to the police. Instead, she one upped the playing field and took it publicly to ROL.

    Looks like most of you had not bothered to read the letter and just based your opinions entirely on Kaiser’s summation. lol!

  47. Canucklehead says:

    Whoopi says a lot of crazy stuff when she’s loaded, as I am assuming she was.

  48. Sean says:

    @Beep beep goes the need to make a lot of noise keeping all focus & blame on the (alleged) victim.

    Citing GA: “While it is fair to ask the question regarding why Oksana did not immediately call the police, I think it is unfair to jump to conclusions about why she did not, and immediately assume a nefarious motive and underlying agenda”.

    Whoopi seemingly did so (“I think she was looking for dough”), thus supporting the whore hunting mob, looking more than ready to stone this woman without further questions asked.

  49. Angelica says:

    Here’s another fact of what
    goes on with police report(s).

    If you report what goes on in the
    spirit of the situation, often
    the report made after the fact is lost.

    If you don’t have a filing system
    record then you can’t prove you made the report. Thus effectively the system
    has validated the fact that the person with the filing cabinet & the key is the one in charge.

  50. RJ says:

    Everything in this letter is correct and I would also like to add that mass media messages such as Whoopi’s encourage domestic abusers since they can see that even celebrities have their back.

  51. CB Rawks says:

    Gloria is right-on.
    Pull your head out of your a**, Whoopie.

  52. Andrea-2 says:

    The title of this post should be:
    “Gloria Allred tells Whoopi Goldberg to
    “Stop Attacking My Cash Cows” in open letter”.

    Gloria’s points are correct, but her motives are suspect.

  53. jc126 says:

    I understood it. I just thought quite a bit of it was a pathetic rationalization for why someone wouldn’t report an alleged assault on their helpless infant. I can say without any hesitation that if someone assaulted my baby, or any baby or child in my presence, I’d call 911 immediately.
    Yet, this “victim” not only didn’t call the police, she stayed with him and tried to get a payout from him. She says he hit the baby. I don’t buy it.

  54. Sincerity says:

    As someone who has been in the middle of “ground zero” within domestic violence incidents, I’m not impressed. Furthermore, I personally know quite a few women who have also been at “ground zero” and survived. These women are my heroines — not Gloria Allred’s “morally bankrupt” clientele.

    LET’S GET REAL! Whoopi Goldberg is not a police investigator, lawyer, judge or district attorney. These are the officials Oksana Grigorieva had to convince that she actually had a case — NOT THE GENERAL PUBLIC! She chose to arrange to defy a court mandated restraining order that was initiated by the court for a very good reason. It would have shielded all parties involved from the “unnecessary interference of public opinion” to discreetly argue “the validity” of their evidence presented before the court. She wanted “TO PUBLICLY LYNCH” Mel Gibson and his family but didn’t count on being subjected a THOROUGH PUBLIC EXAMINATION OF HER OWN EVIDENCE AND MOTIVES. In this instance, WHO’S TO BLAME??? Certainly not Whoopi Goldberg or anyone else except Oksana Grigorieva and her legal team. If the public has a “bad taste in its mouth” from Oksana Grigorieva — SHE PUT IT THERE, HERSELF!!!

    Furthermore, people who are “real victims” of domestic violence have benefited from a more sympathetic legal system. Realistically, it’s not perfect and the overwhelming caseloads don’t allow it to work perfectly for everyone but there is a light at the end of the tunnel and many have survived. However, if you’re actually dealing with a complete psychopath, there are organizations that may be of assistance and the sooner a victim contacts them, the better. My heroines put their feet down and handled their business without a bunch of unnecessary hoopla! It wasn’t easy BUT IT’S DOABLE!!!

  55. Sincerity says:

    ****CORRECTED POSTING*****

    As someone who has been in the middle of “ground zero” within domestic violence incidents, I’m not impressed. Furthermore, I personally know quite a few women who have also been at “ground zero” and survived. These women are my heroines — not Gloria Allred’s “morally bankrupt” clientele.

    LET’S GET REAL! Whoopi Goldberg is not a police investigator, lawyer, judge or district attorney. These are the officials Oksana Grigorieva had to convince that she actually had a case — NOT THE GENERAL PUBLIC! She chose to arrange to defy a court mandated restraining order that was initiated by the court for a very good reason. It would have shielded all parties involved from the “unnecessary interference of public opinion” to discreetly argue “the validity” of their evidence presented before the court. She wanted “TO PUBLICLY LYNCH” Mel Gibson and his family but didn’t count on being subjected to a THOROUGH PUBLIC EXAMINATION OF HER OWN EVIDENCE AND MOTIVES. In this instance, WHO’S TO BLAME??? Certainly not Whoopi Goldberg or anyone else except Oksana Grigorieva and her legal team. If the public has a “bad taste in its mouth” from Oksana Grigorieva — SHE PUT IT THERE, HERSELF!!!

    Furthermore, people who are “real victims” of domestic violence have benefited from a more sympathetic legal system. Realistically, it’s not perfect and the overwhelming caseloads don’t allow it to work perfectly for everyone but there is a light at the end of the tunnel and many have survived. However, if you’re actually dealing with a complete psychopath, there are organizations that may be of assistance and the sooner a victim contacts them, the better. My heroines put their feet down and handled their business without a bunch of unnecessary hoopla! It wasn’t easy BUT IT’S DOABLE!!!

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  56. Sean says:

    @Sincerity: Sounds 100% serious this time, insisting Oksana wanted Mel to be “publicly lynch[ed]“, whereas she had not expected “being subjected a thorough public examination of her own evidence and motives”.

    Apart from your many capital letters, putting much focus on your preference for other “real victims”, generously explaining that assistance can be found (not easy but it´s doable!!!) if just “the business” is handled “without a bunch of unnecessary hopla”, one may say that you are again jumping into conclusions, mobbing on any irrational steps that might have been taken by the (alleged) victim.

    GETTING REAL? I see no thorough public examination, but an endless throwing of stones, the arguments & logic of Mels supporters often extremely morbid & chauvinistic, especially on TMZ.

  57. canadianchick says:

    Another reason-when women or their kids are hurt/threatened some people’s brains kick immediately kick into fight or flight mode, other women’s brain’s kick into a freeze/denial mode-all of these modes are defenses/self-protection. Oksana may have frozen,gradually moved to flight, and now she’s in fight defense mode. I’m glad Gloria wrote this letter, though she’s got more than selfless reasons, imo. Whoopi is on holiday from the View, so we’ll see how she responds. Joy will be all over it on her HLN show.

  58. doreen says:

    Hey if rapists and murderers have a right to a lawyer so do skanks and whores. This is America. Gloria good for you and sometimes you need fire to fight fire. Especially ignorant ass rants against abuse victims (animals, women and children) that comes out of that has been’s mouth.

  59. Sincerity says:

    @Sean

    If you haven’t noticed, this site is CELEBITCHY and if you don’t like what you read on other sites, perhaps you should just ignore them altogether. I doubt seriously if anyone is actually “putting a gun to your head” and forcing you to visit sites you don’t agree with. The Internet is an open format with numerous choices and perhaps you should make better ones! Oksana is probably wishing she had done so! GROW UP!!!