The Situation’s dong situation is tragically small


Breaking: The Situation’s situation is miniscule. Or: “Code Red: Ridiculous Reality Star Faces Reductions (In His Pants).” Or: “Jersey Boy Disappoints in the Dong Department.” I could keep going, but I won’t. Star Magazine has an “exclusive” (Jesus Christ, Star!) with a girl who boned The Situation (Jersey Shore’s Mike Sorrentino). The girl “tells all” to Star about what The Situation was like in bed, and when I say “tells all,” I mean it. I’m surprised she didn’t draw a pictogram.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino may dazzle the ladies with his amazing abs, but another area of his anatomy is much less impressive!

In the Oct. 11 issue of Star, on sale now, one of his conquests dishes about her not-so-hot night with Dancing with the Stars and Jersey Shore star — complete with details about his, um, tiny manbits.

“I wouldn’t even call it a one-night stand, because he only lasted a few minutes,” Florida club promoter Melody Eckerson tells Star about their tryst in the Jersey Shore cast’s Miami Beach party pad.

Things started out normal enough and Melody admits she was even imagining what it would be like to be his girlfriend. But she got a huge surprise when the reality TV star dropped his pants and revealed — a very tiny Situation!

“Let’s just say, I’m thinking of my pinky,” Melody tells Star.

[From Star Magazine]

A pinky?!? Jesus. Sure, I’ll buy that Mr. Situation’s Little Situation is small. Isn’t he, like, a petite guy? He seems short in photos. He’s probably less than five and a half feet tall. And he has such pretty little features! So, yes, I would guess that if everything is proportional, he’s not very well endowed. But a pinky? That’s cold, bitch.

Why am I defending Mr. Situation, by the way? I have no idea. I just think this piece is rather mean!



The Situation on Sept. 20 & 22, 2010. Credit: WENN.

You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.

50 Responses to “The Situation’s dong situation is tragically small”

Comments are Closed

We close comments on older posts to fight comment spam.

  1. Persistent Cat says:

    No shock as I would assume he does steroids.

    When I was 16, I had a boyfriend who couldn’t get it up. He was 16. 16 year old guys are constantly fighting erections. I found out years later that he had been doing steroids. Made sense and helped my ego.

  2. Kitten says:

    As Liz Lemon would say: “dealbreaker, ladies”

  3. Samigirl says:

    Well, I’m not surprised either. Bedazzled shirt wearing, expensive car driving, classic case of over compensation dude. Mean? Yes. Hilarious? Hell Yes!

  4. Persistent Cat says:

    Also, don’t for a second think the story is mean. He wears a shirt saying “The Situation.” A little humility might be good for him. You can feel bad in two years when the money is gone and he’s doing ….. well considering this article, not porn but something else as equally humiliating. Then you can feel bad.

  5. Sarah says:

    Don’t blame his small manhood on being a small guy. The largest guys I’ve known (down there) have been some of the shortest guys I’ve known. I’m guessing blame it on steriods. lol

  6. LeeLee says:

    I’m sure there’s some truth to this story but I’m wondering if she’s one of those unfortunate girls that he humiliated on Jersey Shore. Payback. It’s like a train wreck watching how many women will voluntarily get berated by these manlets on tv.

  7. TeeTee says:

    hmmm what else could she attack??

    He has no talent–just his “pinky”.

  8. Eleonor says:

    I’m not surprised, and I totally agree with Samigirl.

  9. anon1 says:

    I though steroids affected the size of the berries-not the noodle.

    • ego2332 says:

      It’s true. Steroids will only affect the size of the testicles. Anyone saying otherwise is unintelligent.

  10. Stephie says:


  11. jen says:

    He gave her the golf pencil.

  12. LindaR says:

    “The Situation” is a really stupid-sounding moniker. And while I’m at it so is Snooki.

  13. Kbomb says:

    I would say having a miniature wang is definitely a “Situation”.

  14. Eve says:

    I was about to say something when I realized I was on a thread about a dude whose show I never watch (nor I plan to)…

    *slowly walks backwards towards the exit*

  15. Persistent Cat says:

    Wow, a t-shirt about his abs, a backwards ballcap, a leather bracelet and a rosary. It’s not a chain with a crucific, I’m pretty sure it’s an actual rosary. Ugh.

    If he ever breaks the law and for whatever reason, I’m the judge, his community service would be reading that story aloud to various groups and organizations.

  16. Ashley says:

    I don’t care how good the body looks, if it comes with a face (nose) like that, I’m passing!!! I don’t understand the fasination with him. I wish someone would enlighten me. Lets not forget his pigeon toed, I never knew he walked like that, all around he makes me wanna barf!

  17. Jess says:

    I agree with Sarah – some of the smaller guys I know have been well-endowed, while bigger guys have been short-changed. But my few experiences with the really muscled up dudes have always resulted in “tiny surprises,” so I’m assuming steroids have something to do with it!

  18. RHONYC says:

    OH SNAP!!!!!


    so f%cking hilarious kaiser.

    homie got called the f%ck out!!! ahhhhhhaaaaaa.

    figures. 🙂

  19. Karen says:

    Sigh…I’m conflicted here. I agree with another commenter who said “the guy wears a shirt that says ‘The Situation’. A little humility would be good for him”. This one-night-stand could have easily said, “His performance wasn’t so great” but did she really have to go into such detail about the size of his wang?? I’ve been with one man who had a pinky sized dick and I could barely feel it while we were getting it on. I told a few friends but then shut up about it because I didn’t want to dwell. Does this girl have no shame in letting the planet know the intimate details about her hit it and quit it with the Situation???

    I’ve also had the best sex of my life with a man who definitely was not proportioned to his height but he knew how to use it. This girl obviously never watched season 1 because as many times as he brought girls home, he was never skilled and completely sealing the deal.

  20. TrueLifeDiva says:

    I don’t get the deal with him at all. He reminds me of Pauly Shore back in the day on Mtv. Not cute at all.

  21. Delta Juliet says:

    I too have had an experience with a pinky-sized dude. He ended up being a huge a-hole besides but I still never told anyone about it because despite his a-holeness I still felt bad for his
    shortcoming” LOL

    It sure was a disappointment though. Man.

  22. Moreaces says:

    Well, at least am sure goes well with his brain.

  23. NayNay says:

    I wouldn’t be surprised if his peen is tiny. He is too obsessed with his six pack. Probably to over-compensate for his teeny weeny

  24. waldemar says:

    I once saw a picture of a pygmee with a 12 inch long dong.

    But I agree, his behaviour seems to be compensating for a small one.

  25. marge says:

    what amazes me is that someone is willing to openly admit to have f***d him…

  26. Samigirl says:


  27. Johnny Depp's Girl says:

    Well, I have to admit a time long ago when I liked a guy and he had the smallest “peen”. Not even a pinky, guys… more like a toothpick on steriods. It was awful. I really felt bad for him and of course we remained friends with NO benefits. I guess I feel sorry for guys like that because it would take a really really special lady to overlook this and honestly, it wasnt me.

  28. crab says:

    I remember I went out with this Italian guy named Tony and he called himself the “Italian Stallion”. Well..(clear throat)I would have named him Tony the Pony.

  29. Shannon says:

    Er, the size of the junk is not proportionate to the size of the guy. My ex is pretty short (5’7) and has small hands and feet. But his “manhood” is quite large and satisfying 😛

    The Situation is on steroids, which are well-known to cause genitalia to shrink.

  30. guesty says:

    hilarious & he so deserves being called out.

  31. ahoymatey says:

    @ TrueLifeDiva: Pauly Shore! thank you, I had been trying to figure that out since this annoyance first stepped onto the scene…(although I can’t say I was stressing about it!)

  32. theresa says:

    I hate that stupid show and I am a woman. However, I really hate it when the insult that a woman chooses to use against a man with whom she has had sex, is the “tiny penis” one. It is bitchy, cruel and stupid. Some of the best sex that I have ever had has been with men who have smaller penises. They tried harder to please me and my clitoris was more than happy about that. Sometimes men with large penises think that all they have to do is show up and drop their pants. No boys, that’s not how good sex works for most women. Also, men whose penises are very large, and who refuse to take it easy, even after you tell them to stop pounding away on you, can cause you serious pain and sometimes injury. No thanks. I’ll take a smaller penis attached to a good lover any time.

    This woman chose to go out with Situation. She says that she imagined him to be boyfriend material. She willingly slept with him. Now she wants to talk shit about him in the press and use the “tiny penis” excuse. I’m calling that bitch on her bullshit. She sounds to me like a woman scorned after a 1-nighter, a club promoter seeking publicity, and someone trying to make $$$$ off of someone else’s fame. Go back to the club that you “promote”, find some unknown guy with a big bulge in his pants and shut up.

  33. Kitten says:

    Very true. Men crippled by small willies are deserving of our pity, not our scorn.

  34. Jennifer says:

    I have to agree with Samigirl, as soon as read the headline to this article, I thought it would make since. That everything he does is just a classic case of overcompensation.

    However, I highly doubt “it’s” that small.

  35. Camille says:

    I think this guy is so fug and I don’t think his abs are amazing either, he doesn’t have a good body at all.

    And I am LOL @ his pinky dick 😆 .

  36. Mistral says:

    I think his body is NOT hot. It’s weird. The abs are not impressive at all. We can all give ourselves nicknames that have no basis in reality, you know? And plenty of people are plenty dumb and buy into it… His face is also very unattractive. He reminds me of Mr. Potato Head, without the sexy moustache…

  37. jessup says:

    i feel that people forget that he is 30-something years old… he probably has been on steroids a while. i would assume it would affect size and performance. either way, in my opinion all of the guys on the show are dirty and i’m not saying that bc i’m a lesbian, but just watch the show. another thing, it really urks me that they are glorifying these fellas in the media… so amazing these little boys get to look up to these guys… sad america. sad. that’s a real “situation”

  38. jessica says:

    melody eckerson lives with her mom and dad in coral springs, she is NOT a club promoter, she works at a day care, her sister is a stripper whore known around town for trying to hustle men for money and her parents are the kind of people that should not breed, look at the the result. grew up right down the street and both the girls (melody and angel) were known as the local sl#ts. One grew up to be a stripper and the other is now a wanna be reality bar whore.. classic take of white trash families at thier best… Funny funny – glad the rest of us grew up to have normal healthy and PROUD lives.. Really a dirty family..

  39. Monica says:

    It’s not the size of the magician’s wand – it’s the magic he can do with it.

  40. Justez says:

    So I’m definitely in the minority here saying I love the Jersey Shore and think he’s hilarious and seems like a pretty good guy all in all. But he seems like a good bit of guys in that using what he knows to get the most out of it. ie fame, ladies, money.

    And I’m not saying she’s lying.. but I feel like she may be over exaggerating and using this story to capitalize on his fame.

    Wonder if he’ll respond…

  41. mollination says:

    Mean? Yes. But the douchebag asks for it with his constant braggarting and bedding and conquests and rediculous innuendos and the absolutely heartless way he throws the ladies he’s screwed or flirted with under the bus.

  42. Josie says:

    I told my husband while we were watching one episode this season that Mike must have a small one because he was in bed with a woman and for no apparent reason she just got up and left. The boys couldn’t figure out what he had done wrong to make her leave so abruptly. I knew that moment that she saw or felt the goods and realized it wasn’t going to be worth it so bailed. It’s funny that my suspicions have been confirmed. He humiliated and disrespected so many women on the show that this was obviously payback. I still feel a little bad for the guy though because few women have the desire to be with a small guy and now everyone knows.

  43. Angel says:

    @Jessica – Aren’t you the skanky girl who had sex with my guy friends while you were supposed to be babysitting two little girls and who had to move to a ghetto apartment with your family because you couldn’t support yourself???

  44. Nicole says:

    How embarrassing for her, LOVE how she wants to get her 10 minutes of fame and tabloids trash her in return MELODY ECKERSON = BAR TRASH, ha-ha but shes a good girl right and they switched her words around, then why even interview. As for the situation hes a single man not good looking but a man, point blank. MELODY = 1 night trash and im pretty sure theres many out there that have had that loosey goose….HILARIOUS and DISGUSTING…what a NASTY NASTY girl

  45. Jax says:

    He is so disgusting. The way he looks out the top of his sunglasses makes him look like a predator. Sick. But this story is amazing. He deserves all of this plus more. No wonder you never see a repeat smoosh. I loooove the show but without him on it, I’d be much happier. I think he’s a disgrace to men everywhere not just italian guidoes.

  46. justin says:

    Every one who’s said steroids make ur penis small are bleeding idiots. It shrinks the testiscals not the shaft the testis shrink cause the produce less testosterone and then grow back to size after u end your cycle. Jesus Christ

  47. Dom says:

    If I had the choice of a muscular physique, money and fame. Or being rated “big” by a few looser whores who arnt famous. I think I know what I would prefer

  48. tacos says:

    I would love to have my member checked out by the horny ladies here….fyi it’s a major situation