Britney Spears wants you to hold a dong against her, I think


These are photos of Britney Spears from the weekend, looking like hell. CB and I were debating whether or not Britney looks pregnant in these photos. If it was anybody else, I might be saying something about a “bump” but it’s more likely that Britney just had too many Cheetos over the holidays. Anyway, Britney’s new single has been released! There was a demo (sung by someone else) that got a lot of attention last week, but this is the first time I’ve heard Britney singing in a while. If you want to call it singing… this is auto-tuned to a crazy degree. Still, a solid pop song.

The lyrics feature lines like “If I feel my heart was beating loud/If we could escape the crowd some how/If I said I want your body now/Would you hold it against me.” “It” being “dong” I believe. And now I’m picturing myself begging Michael Fassbender to “hold it against me”. Mm… what were we talking about?



Photos courtesy of Fame.

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54 Responses to “Britney Spears wants you to hold a dong against her, I think”

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  1. Megan says:

    I don’t think Britney looks pregnant. I think she’s just too lazy to get clothes that look good on her. Just like she’s too lazy to get a weave that doesn’t look like Barbie hair.

  2. PrettyTarheel says:

    And the machine cranks on…So sad.

  3. Str8Shooter says:

    White Trash America, this is your queen! (well, her and Sarah Palin can share that title, natch!)

  4. Lydia says:

    I can’t get past the hair. Does she not know weave etiquette? I guess that is a stupid question considering her other bad hair days.

    No ponytail if it shows that you have a weave. Does she not have a good female friends to help her out?

  5. Julie says:

    I’ve seen her eyes looking empty for awhile. Maybe the meds she has to take.

  6. brin says:

    She looks terrible…she used to be so attractive.

  7. trollydolly says:

    The poor woman – a drugged cash cow for her family and hangers-on. She’s clearly heavily medicated and probably too lethargic to work on her appearance. It’s really sad.

  8. guesty says:

    can’t decide whose more vacant…brit or katie holmes.

  9. Roxanne75 says:

    Why is she so sad all the time?? Do they drug her? What’s going on??

  10. JenJen says:

    Poor Brittany, a modern day Francis Farmer. I do think she looks pregnant,especially in the 2nd pic. The boys are so cute but I don’t see any Kevin in them.

  11. the original bellaluna says:

    What unfortunate hair. How sad.

  12. Epic song!!!! Rejoice gays the real Princess has returned to throw down that wannabe man Gaga lol


  13. Baby says:

    Oh my…

  14. pebbles says:

    oh, the little boy is adorable……..which one is that? Jayden?

  15. Lori says:

    Str8, I know she is trashy, but I love her and I don’t think she has mean bone in her body (although she’d like a bone..). I would NOT put her in the same trash class as Sarah Palin, who is mean and trashy and awful. Ugh. JMO, of course.

  16. luls says:

    omg im so disapointed! she has always delivered when it came to her music, regardless of her personal problems!
    But this song… dunno…maybe it sounds good at a club? sounds barely mediocre here 🙁

  17. LittleFATMe says:

    Dear Str8Shooter,
    Speaking on behalf of White Trash America, not because I was asked to but just because I can, I would ike to say: We take BritBrit and all her weaved Cheeto glory, but we do not want the Palin mess. Thanks!
    Little FAT! 🙂

    Seriously, I saw her in person (I was about to say not too long ago, but now that I think of it it WAS years) and she looked pretty, when I see pics now all I can think is, “If she has that potential and NOTHING else going on why not spend the time letting people dress her?” She doesn’t even need to do it herself, just let someone else!
    Same thing with J.Simp!

  18. 4Real says:

    Still looking pretty DEAD in the eyes…

  19. Zelda says:

    Everything about this song and pictures capital UCK suck save for the very cute little boy.
    Everything else about the post makes me think of girls who dance around their purses in the bar, the word “prolly”, and Walmart.

  20. lucy2 says:

    Poor girl’s got problems.

  21. lulu says:

    you know what’s really sad is how much those little boys look like her…and they’re so gorgeous. she must have been a cute little kid, she was a great entertainer in her day, and to see her looking so old, so badly dressed, so haggard, so utterly ordinary… what was any of it for?

  22. Hautie says:

    This is a person who has no happiness in her daily life. She gets up. Takes her pills and gets on with what she has to do.

    There is no light on. It is sad to realize that she has no personal rights. That her father, who needed to step in when he did, has made the decision to keep the money machine cranked to high.

    He should have packed her up and moved her out of California for a year. Let her find some inner peace. And maybe her sanity.

    No matter how many times that her Daddy/PR team try to sell that “boyfriend” as being her chosen companion.

    I still see him as a paid escort.

    All you had to see was how happy she was with KFed (in those early years) and know she doesn’t have any real interest in the odd ball that she is tied to now.

  23. Laura says:

    This song sucks!! Why don’t her people actually get her some decent tunes? I mean how hard is it to write a catchy pop song.

  24. Samigirl says:

    Oh geeze, she REALLY does look preggers, and I’m not one to push pregnancy conspiracy theories. I feel for her. I hope she can get well and happy soon.

  25. dread pirate cuervo says:

    Uncle Fester before he went bald.

    ETA: Ok, that was mean. I feel bad for her b/c I believe she has an actual chemical imbalance, unlike Lindsay whose main issue is narcissism. Britney’s options are meds, dead eyes, & unfortunate sweater coats, or no meds, shaved heads, & attack umbrellas. I fear she cannot find a middle ground on her own.

  26. Rio says:

    …dear God. Dear, festering, breakdancing Jesus.
    Her “team” ripped off the Bellamy Brothers?

    Pop is dead, I tells ya. Dead!

  27. hmm(the original) says:

    The song is terrible but her fans will be talking about how epic it is. On another note, she just has no life in her eyes and it’s sad to see that her family and her handlers continue to put their wallets above her well being.

  28. Anna says:

    God, it’s like she’s one of the four horsemen of the pop apocalypse. I couldn’t even get through the whole thing, my brain was starting to leak.

  29. Johnny Depp's Girl says:

    Whether pregnant or not, she looks like that walking dead..

    She looks so desperately depressed and hollow.. Someone should really take a look at her!

    Now I feel incredibly sorry for her.

  30. gemmaa says:

    I’m over the weave debacle. Its there and its unfortunate and it seems no one is ever going to fix it.
    But can some one lend Brit some baby wipes to remove the CONSTANT panda eye mascara effect that she always have?
    Please and thanks.

  31. Matt says:

    Cheetos Queen is back!

    The melody is not great, but the beat is awesome. I’m sure this is going to grow on me like a fungus though. Good old fashioned auto-tune Britney!

  32. cici says:

    i don’t think “it” Refers to dong? i mean i suppose it COULD but i take it to mean “don’t hold it against me, but…”

  33. Samantha says:

    I give it until tomorrow before there is a mashup between this song and enrique iglesias Tonight I’m —-ing you.

  34. Camille says:


  35. Trippin says:

    When she looks like that outside, something is going on inside, upstairs. She still needs professional help. She started cutting her crappy songs and touring way too soon before she was fully recovered. And she needs to dump these awful men she picks out. Her next breakdown is going to be worse. Move back home to the country girl, save yourself and get some help.

  36. TeeTee says:

    I think its the meds they have her doped up on…

    I think its unfair that her dad can make decisions on her well being –when in essence, he does not want her to get better but to just keep working so he can continue his control..
    she’s like a work mule or something and Jamie Lynn can play house and the mother can get all of the spa treatments snd shopping she wants..alll on her money and mental health.

    they have her heavily drugged and there comes the weight gain.

    can’t explain Katie’s sitch other than she is heavily depending on drugs and Suri to dress her.

  37. judyjudy says:

    Poor Brit-Brit.

    Oh, and can we please stop it with the term white-trash? If we called any other ethnicity [skin color]-trash we’d be banned faster than you can say “double standard”

  38. gg says:

    Futurestar darlin you are clueless as to who can sing or not. this ain’t singing, it’s the usual baby-voiced moaning from this chick. She has NO vibrato and couldn’t hold a note if you handed it to her.

  39. Nikki Latte says:

    Lordy – do any of you other readers have ZOOM? Look at the broken-egg shaped thing that is on her head, underneath her hair. If you zoom, you will see it clearly. Poor girl, I think her real hair is beyond repair. I like the Brit, and only came to do so after her troubles. Real life isn’t always easy, who among us always made the right choices 100% of the time when we were her age?

  40. mauibound says:

    Brittney you are rich, now will you fix that busted ass weave!!!!!!!!!! Jeeezas !!!!!!!!!!

  41. SassyOne says:

    Poor Brit. She’s looking like a hybrid of QE1 and Dr. Frank N. Furter… well, maybe that would be Rocky”s sister (RHPS-Rocky). She has one hell of a neck.

  42. SassyOne says:

    @TeeTee- you are right, but what’s a little weight gain versus a potential suicide… I have read about her barely veiled suicide subtext in songs. Sometimes, that is the price extracted for relative stability. bipolar/ manic depression is a valid entity, but is definitley overclaimed as a mitigating factor.

  43. Robbie's Girl says:

    I feel sorry for her. She used to be somebody. Now, all she can do is toot out this garbage.

  44. glowkey says:

    What gg said…good heavens, this is what passes for *singing* these days? The average teenybopper girl off the street could moan into a mic and sound better than this. Never did understand why people never seemed willing to admit this girl has absolutely zero singing talent. There’s just no reason on God’s green earth why someone with a voice like that should have ever been given a record deal; isn’t the point of being a singer to, um, be able to actually sing?

  45. Hakura says:

    @Guesty (#8)- Katie Holmes look ‘vacant’ in a robotic sort of way… Britney looks like she’s on medication of some sort >.< Two separate types of ‘dead eyed’ expressions.

    She does look awful… She was the hottest thing out there for years, it’s so sad to see her looking so miserable. Most importantly not very healthy.

  46. Laura says:

    It’s a very old, very cheesy pick-up line. ‘If I said you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?’

    I’m surprised/jealous that not more people get it. Unfortunately, as a cocktail waitress I get them a lot 🙁

  47. CB Rawks says:

    Someone is actually remixing that old song “If I said you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me?”?
    When was that first thought up, 1900? Nice work, Britbrit. Actually there are also some workable old songs with “Hey Nonny Nonny” in them, that you might enjoy. And sea shantys.

  48. TrixC says:

    It has always seemed weird to me that someone with a fairly obvious mental illness continues to live in the public eye when it doesn’t appear to be bringing her any happiness or helping her long term mental health. Is someone forcing her and if so who? Why doesn’t she just retire, move somewhere obscure and live a quiet life? Surely she has the cash.

  49. Knitter says:

    @judyjudy: Hear, hear! The other thing offensive about the term “white trash” is that it implies that it’s normal for trashy people to be non-white, hence there’s no need to qualify “trash” with a skin color unless the person is white.

  50. sickofit says:

    she needs to be put somewhere secret on a farm, for a few years, work with animals
    get real treatment and help from people who really want her to recover.
    Like now its not going to work…

  51. Tired says:


    LOL! Sea shanty’s, too funny.

    @glowkey, I totally agree with you, well said!!

  52. Hakura says:

    @TrixC (#48)- I completely agree with you. Being in the public eye (& Tabloids, as a result) is difficult for anyone at the best of times. Let alone for someone who’s going through the difficulties of dealing with a mental illness.

    @Knitter (#49)- Honestly, I hadn’t really thought about it that way… that attaching the term ‘white’ to an insult might imply that the insulting term alone was always in reference of a race other than white. I’m certainly not saying that couldn’t be the reason the term ‘white’ was attached to ‘trash’, but I just never perceived it that way.

    Personally, I have an issue with anyone attaching a ‘race’ to a characteristic, negative or otherwise. That has it’s own implications.

  53. papo says:

    shut up glowkey you don´t know anything about her the girl could singbetter than anyone backin her childhood and adolescence, god knows what happened to her voice when Jive got its hands on her. They make her sing that way, listen to her song “Let go” people, she can sing.

  54. Deeana says:

    The poor thing…those vacant eyes are just haunting. I suppose it is a result of the meds, but I also feel her doctors are failing her by allowing her family to exploit her – if that’s what is happening. (And it seems like that to me.)

    And what IS that thing on her head? Any hairdressers here? Looks like some sort of a head cap? With hair on it?