Jessica Simpson was drunk as hell because she had just ended a detox

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Yesterday, there were some photos floating around of Jessica Simpson drunk off her ass, being escorted out of a sushi place by her fiancé. Unfortunately, we don’t have access to those particular photos, but you can see them here. Fortunately, finding photos of Jessica looking drunk and/or dumb takes about three minutes of searching through our photo archives. So enjoy these older photos while Page Six tries to explain why Jessica was drunk off of her ass on one particular night. Hint: it’s not because she’s an alcoholic. It’s because she had just come off of a detox!

Jessica Simpson was wobbly at Hollywood hot spot Katsuya after sipping sake following days of a detoxing cleanse. She was given a helping hand by her fiancé, Eric Johnson, “after ordering up the most expensive sake and dancing round the table. She had just finished a cleanse and this was the first meal she had eaten in days,” a friend told us.

Simpson let her hair down with a group of pals Monday, when spies said she ordered fried rock shrimp, creamy crab rolls, spicy tuna and crispy rice. Onlookers said Simpson was led out on Johnson’s arm and sat in their car’s passenger seat with her eyes half-closed.

She got engaged to the former NFL star in November, and while no wedding date has been set, pals say she’s determined to tone her famously curvy figure for the big day.

It isn’t known what type of detox Simpson had, but juice-only cleanses are popular in Hollywood — and users are advised to avoid rich food and heavy alcohol right after. A rep for Simpson didn’t get back to us.

[From Page Six]

I’ll buy that Jessica was detoxing. I’ll also buy that she ate a lot of food and drank a lot of liquor and started dancing around the table. I’ll also buy that she “detoxes” many, many nights, and that the girl either can’t hold her liquor, or she has such a high tolerance that she has to drink A LOT to get that blitzed so consistently. Oh well… at least she never drives, you know?

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Photos courtesy of WENN.

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50 Responses to “Jessica Simpson was drunk as hell because she had just ended a detox”

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  1. Motor35 says:

    i freaken LOVE this girl! she is too funny.

  2. brin says:

    That’s why she always needs a man around….to hold her drunk ass upright.

  3. GradStudentEatingHotPockets says:

    Jessica may be really dumb (the whole is this chicken or tuna thing)…but she’s not dumb enough to drink and drive! So I give her a pass on her dumbness :)

  4. mln76 says:

    That girl is a binge eater and a binge drinker which is why she looses and gains the same 15 pounds every 3 months.

  5. Marjalane says:

    Me thinks Jessica is a classic example of someone who’s doing her best to run away from her own hideous life. I shudder to think of what her digestive system went through after being assaulted with all that sushi and booze after detoxing. I hope K-fed Jr. had to clean it all up.

  6. Obvious says:

    props to her for never driving at least. this girl got something right that half of hollywood can’t figure out.

  7. guesty says:

    She needs Betty Ford almost more than Jenny Craig! She looked fab in those pics tho.

    She could get alcohol poisoning easily by drinking like that after a detox….needs to be careful.

  8. jrt says:

    Thank god she doesnt have children

  9. Jack says:

    She is just enjoying life.. nothing wrong with that!

  10. embertine says:

    Maybe someone should explain to her that the point of a detox is not so that you can get off your face the next night.

    However, I only go to the gym so that I can eat pizza, so I may not be the best person to give advice.

  11. Roma says:

    I’ve gotten smashed off my tree after detoxing and it only took 3 glasses of wine.

    I’ll admit that my girlfriends and I are pretty heaving drinkers but we glam it up by hosting dinner parties with a close group of people. Jessica reminds me of my gf who tries to keep pace with the boys and then can’t walk after an hour.

    I truly don’t think Jess needs rehab but she does need to curb the party girl lifestyle.

  12. Rio says:

    Question: when is Jessica Simpson NOT drunk as Hell?

    I’m totally serious. It’s like every picture that she’s in, homegirl is WASTED.

  13. Jmag says:

    Damn this girl can not catch a break. She’s out having fun and was “overserved.”
    She isn’t jobless, she doesn’t have children at home waiting for her.
    I don’t see the problem.

  14. Xx says:

    Lets see, hmmm, my guess is that she was drunk as hell because she drank a hell of a lot of booze. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

  15. TxGal says:

    She enjoys her drinking way too much. I do feel she might have a drinking problem. You don’t have to be wasted to have a good time.

  16. Jacquie says:

    So she starved herself for days and then drank on an empty stomach. Yep smartest woman in the world right there folks!

  17. JenJen says:

    It takes two “handlers” to get her in and out of a vehicle, the one guy reaching for the gum sums up this disaster shot. Where’s that big ole’ ring??? Is that why she looks miserable, dumped already?

  18. irishserra says:

    Awww… she and Paves are back on again as bffs?

  19. kelbear says:

    I agree with Jack. Let the girl have fun.

  20. melinda says:

    I agree too, she’s just having fun, nothing wrong with that. Who hasn’t gone on a diet and then gotten smashed the first time they drank?

  21. Azurea says:

    Remember when she was a virginal little Christian girl singin’ about puppy love & declarin’ her faith in Jesus? *SIGH*

  22. bluhare says:

    Jessica has a lame excuse every time she’s photographed in an alcoholic stupor, which those photos of the other night clearly show. He was holding her on her feet! That isn’t having a few glasses of wine and getting drunk because she’s been on a detox. A normal drinker would have switched to water once they noticed the alcohol was having a bigger effect — or at least slowed the heck down.

    As I’ve said before, I’m a recovering alcoholic and I can spot one a mile away. One stupor, OK. But practically every time she goes out drinking? The woman’s an alcoholic and needs to stop drinking. Full stop.

  23. rudy5 says:

    if I had tons of money with nothing to do in LA.. id probably be doing the same :)

    but someone needs to tell her how many calories are in alcohol

  24. TXCinderella says:

    Where is her engagement ring?

  25. the original bellaluna says:

    These are “OLD” pix, y’all. Calm down. Her engagement ring isn’t there because they weren’t yet engaged.

  26. SarahS says:

    All I wanna know is if that is a lifted weave comb in the last pic. Cause if so, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS SACRED, kick Paves out on his ass already, would ya??

  27. Iim says:

    She got drunk at sushi… Who hasn’t?

  28. Quest says:

    With the kind of things this girl says all the time, I think she would be better off boozed up (at least there would be an excuse)

  29. Zelda says:

    I’d bet almost anything I got that this woman is an alcoholic. I can spot em, believe me.

    Not that I care. Whatever gets you through the day, none of my business. But shut up with the constant excuses. Just “no comment” the situation. “We don’t feel the need to comment on our client’s diet” is a perfectly acceptable response.

  30. Eileen says:

    I still like Jessica, she is who she is…no pretenses. How many times did I come strolling out of a bar wasted? LOl uhhhhh many times! Let her have fun! She’s happy and making serious dough-let her enjoy it!

  31. Jeri says:

    Why detox if you’re going to immediately oversaturate your body on alcohol and fattening foods.

    What is the point, certainly not health. Because it’s in style or sounds as if you try to stay fit in magazines?

  32. Emily says:

    God, why can’t she just come out and say “yeah, I was drunk. No particular reason, I was just having a good time with friends”. Why the need for all this bullshit?

  33. Yikes says:

    She looks like a young Chelsea Handler in the last picture. Also, if she wanted to celebrate and get shit faced, why not do it at home instead of a pap hot spot? That’s what I wouldve done if I had her Mrs. Roper money!

  34. t says:

    Eric, the con artist/paid escort, is probably realizing right about now that Jessica is an even easier mark than he thought. Seeing that she is stupid, desperate to keep a man at any cost, and drunk all the time, it should be pretty easy for him to take her to the cleaners before he dumps her.

  35. fabgirl says:

    Jessica aka Kim Richards part 2. I think she has a closet drinking problem.

  36. Henriette says:

    She looks good with her hair like that and such little makeup. Drunk or not.

  37. Kimble says:

    I’m glad most of you weren’t about when I stepped precariously out of a bar with my boyfriend on Saturday night! I had a great time!!!!!

    Tying one on now and again doesn’t make someone an alcoholic – we don’t see her reported out in this state every night – functional alcoholics are rarely drunk like the rest of us and I’ve never read anything of her failing to turn up for work or being anything other than professional, no drink driving or Lohanesque shenanigans with the police …

    I’d say the bloody detox was more harmful to her health than a few glasses of saki with her sushi …

  38. Camille says:

    @Zelda: I agree 100%.

    Total BS about the ‘detox’ excuse. A big fat ‘yeah right’ to that! :roll:

  39. Aurelia says:

    When you see her in drunk face you realise she is not that many steps away from becoming Pamela Anderson.

  40. Crash2GO2 says:

    Stupid stupid ‘detoxes’. Eat like a pig, then starve yourself to lose weight. Yeah, that’s really healthy. Address the issues that cause one to overeat or drink too much. The weight problems will sort themselves out.

  41. Hakura says:

    @GraduateStudentEatingHotPockets (3)- “Jessica may be really dumb…but she’s not dumb enough to drink and drive! So I give her a pass on her dumbness.”

    …You have a point, there. It’s a shame that among celebrities, being smart enough not to drink & drive is considered such an accomplishment.

    @Marjalane (5)- “Me thinks Jessica is a classic example of someone who’s doing her best to run away from her own hideous life.

    Personally, I don’t think her life is all that ‘hideous’… girlfriend owns a multi-million dollar fashion label. Money may not be able to buy happiness, but it can buy a lot of ‘creamy crab rolls’, which is close enough when you haven’t eaten a meal in 3 days.

    But she shouldn’t insult our intelligence using an idiotic excuse for why she’s drunk. Come on.

  42. t says:

    Was alcohol suspected in those meltdowns she’d have onstage when she was failing at being a country singer?

    Here are some 2008 MSNBC reports of her being unprofessional at work with suspected alcohol involvement:

    Jessica Simpson has a good reason for wanting to keep her 2005 workout DVD for fitness company Speedfit under lock and key; the ditzy blonde appears to be drunk in the footage, according to new reports.“Jessica was a mess during that shoot,” a spywitness gushes to MSNBC. “She had no focus, she put out something that was entirely unusable,” said a source close to Simpson. They asked her to come back and reshoot, but she refused, and that’s why she’s facing a lawsuit now…

    An unnamed magazine source cites a similar problem with Simpson, claiming the former MTV Newlyweds star showed up for a photoshoot appearing “tipsy.”

    “The (magazine) shoot was an absolute disaster. She showed up and looked like she’d been drinking,” said the magazine editor. “We were there for hours and we had maybe three usable photos from the shoot. We asked for another shoot, and she refused.”

    She was kicked out of a party in 2008 for being embarrassingly drunk. From Popcrunch:

    “Friends of Jessica Simpson are beginning to suspect that the singer may have a problem with “Jesus Juice.”

    The buxom singing star was ejected from a Marc Jacobs Fashion Show afterparty during a drunken night out in the Big Apple on September 8.
    “Jessica was stumbling around the party slurring her words and barely able to stand,” says a Star Magazine insider, who claims Jessica was asked to leave the event just before dinner.

    “It was embarrassing! In New York, it doesn’t matter who you are If you’re acting like a fool, no one will stand for it.””

  43. Hakura says:

    @t (43)- Whoa. I wasn’t aware of HALF of those occurrences you referenced… It really makes a difference seeing all those stories right next to each other.

    She obviously really has a problem. =\

  44. Good grief says:

    On Twitter, she has just started following Tracey Anderson, the fitness “guru” who has toned Madonna and Goopy Paltrow. My bet is Jess is on her system now. However, Tracey’s system, particularly the diet, is HARSH. And there is no booze allowed! However, JSimp has lost a few, so she obviously has been following it religiously to get toned for the wedding. As per usual, though, she will go back to her old ways and yo-yo eating and will put it all on again.

  45. spooky says:

    if she did have kid’s her kid’s would be smarter then her,but one thing jessica has ia best tittie’s in hollywood i think.

  46. SassyOne says:

    @t-
    add to the list more than one appearance in which she (allegedly) made a drunken ass of herself among NFL wives ( I heard it first hand from a very down-to-earth, social-only drinker NFL wife). Yikes. Girl need some rehab and self-worth; despite all her material trappings, she seems to feel like she has to fill a void with booze and food.
    And to the recovering alcoholics who have posted: congratulations on your sobriety and wishes for continued strength. You have called it accurately.

  47. t says:

    SassyOne…based on your info, maybe those stories about Tony Romo being embarrassed by her excessive drinking were true after all!

  48. Hakura says:

    It seems like sometimes being successful can bring on more of this behavior… It can be stressful to be under pressure to be successful all the time.

    And it’s always been obvious how much issue she has dealing with her weight. But based on the list T privided, it’s obviously not something that’s come up ‘all the sudden’.

  49. Jessica says:

    Didn’t Jessica appear drunk in some of the Newlyweds episodes too?

  50. She enjoys her drinking way too much, the guy that holds her almost touch her boobies! Go to bed Girl! lol