Jack Nicholson has an extensive interview in the Sunday Mail, and it’s been enchanting me for some reason. Probably because I recently had a sex dream about Jack, and after reading this interview, I’ve convinced myself that I could be his last great romance. Don’t judge me. Yes, he’s older than my father. I don’t care. I love Jack. Anyway, since Jack rarely gives interviews, this one is a special treat. Jack at the age of 73 is quite interesting – he’s still a hellraiser/hippie, but he’s also quite thoughtful and introspective. Sigh… if he met me, he would want me to be his last great romance, right? The full Sunday Mail piece is here, and here are the highlights:

On picking up women: ‘I’m definitely still wild at heart. But I’ve struck bio-gravity. I can’t hit on women in public any more. I didn’t decide this; it just doesn’t feel right at my age.’ He pauses to get straight to the heart of his own theory of life. ‘If men are honest, everything they do and everywhere they go is for a chance to see women. There were points in my life where I felt oddly irresistible to women. I’m not in that state now and that makes me sad. But I also believe that a lot of the improvements in my character have come through ageing and the diminishing of powers. It’s all a balancing act; you just have to get used to the ride.’

On being thought of as an icon: ‘I hate it. I don’t want to be treated like the Medusa or the Lincoln Memorial. People have an idea of me which is not the reality. On set I’m an actor like every other actor. Most times, for every part I play, I can think of other actors who would be better. I worry from the moment I take a job. I worry about how I’m going to do it, if I can do it. I try to work out what I have to do on set and how I do that. I get extremely anxious. I panic. I can’t get it. It happens every time, and I get myself into this state, and then I walk on set and the director says, “Roll”, and all of a sudden all of it disappears and it’s all happening, and I relax and I’m doing what I do and I’m not even thinking about it. And I relax up until the moment they yell “Cut”.’

On taking supporting parts in romantic-comedies: ‘It’s very important. I am from a different era of movie acting. My career doesn’t depend on explosions and pyrotechnics. What I liked about this script is that the same rules apply. It hasn’t got people flying off walls and lots of guns and yelling. It’s a movie that’s based on a good script and good acting, and it’s supposed to move you. It’s the sort of movie I want to be a part of. In these times people need to be able to laugh.’

On plastic surgery: ‘I haven’t had surgery. I don’t want to be judgemental, but some of the things you see these days in Hollywood are a bit horrifying. I mean, I don’t know what’s going on here, but I don’t want to scare people. I’ve never been comfortable about surgery. I was on the receiving end of one of the very first chest augmentations. When I touched what felt like polythene, that was it. The fuse went out. Maybe it’s childish, but I couldn’t cope with it. I mean, if someone can fool me with a new chest or lips, then I’m happy to be fooled. But I have to admit I have a prejudice against it. I’m not worried about wrinkles, in myself or in women. I find them interesting. I can’t see so well, so sometimes I look in the mirror and I see how I was as a young man. But a few years back I noticed I don’t have any hair below my sock line, and I thought to myself, “Jackie, that’s an old man.”’

On knowing how to treat women: ‘I was raised entirely by women. My grandmother ran a beauty parlour and I spent most of my time there. She taught me manners and I learned how to be around women, what women liked. I am insanely well mannered and polite, and because of that I have nothing but gratitude for my upbringing.’

On mortality: ‘One of the toughest parts of ageing is losing your friends. At first it starts quietly, then pretty soon it’s every month, and you can’t help but think, “When is that bell going to go off for me?” And on top of that you feel this constant loss. At this time of life, you feel just a sword’s point from death. It’s frightening – who wants to face God and the clear white light? I know I definitely don’t. Yet.’

On still smoking pot: ‘I don’t tend to say this publicly, but we can see it’s a curative thing. The narcotics industry is also enormous. It funds terrorism and – this is a huge problem in America – fuels the foreign gangs. More than 85 per cent of men incarcerated in America are on drug-related offences. It costs $40,000 a year for every prisoner. If they were really serious about the economy there would be a sensible discussion about legalisation.’

On his more than $100 million worth of art: His home is stuffed with art by Matisse, Warhol, Tamara de Lempicka and Picasso; the collection is estimated to be worth over $100 million. ‘Now I’m at home so much more, there are these moments once in a while when I think, “Jesus, look at all that.” Those pictures actually intimidate a lot of people. I’m totally solid with the “truth is beauty/beauty is truth” idea. But if I’m around it too long I start to feel trapped in this material world. I think I mustn’t get owned by my possessions, I mustn’t fall prey to materialism. Sometimes I think, “Hell, I’m going to burn them all.”’

Not enjoying the night life: ‘My life has changed. I don’t enjoy the things I used to so much. I don’t go out to nightclubs, I don’t like clubs any more. I don’t go out raging, looking out for women; now it’s just a game that isn’t worth the candle. The last three times I’ve been in New York filming, I didn’t leave my hotel room for one single night. People won’t believe that, but it’s true. But you adjust your life to your circumstances, and I can spend a lot of time on my own. I think of myself as social, but my friends are always telling me, “Jack, you need to get out more.”’

On relationships: ‘I’ve had everything a man could ask for, but I don’t know if anyone could say I’m successful with affairs of the heart. I don’t know why. I would love that one last real romance. But I’m not very realistic about it happening. What I can’t deny is my yearning. I’ve been in love in my life, but it always starts with obsession that lasts exactly 18 months and then it changes. If I’d known and been prepared for that, I may have been able to orchestrate the whole relationship thing better. But when I’m with someone I’ve often defied every one of my conventions. I’ve been so struck I’ve said, “Come on, let’s go, let’s get married.” But no woman has ever recognised what I say as being legitimate. They think of my reputation, Jack the Jumper. I’m damned by what people think. Now I think I have a gap I won’t ever cross.’

On his split from Anjelica Houston, and regret: ‘The reality was that I was annihilated emotionally by the separation from Anjelica. That was probably the toughest period of my life.’ Asked if he wishes he could turn back time, he shakes his head. ‘I may have made a mistake, but I don’t want to go back and correct it. I would rather deal with it.’

On lady friends and love: ‘I would never complain about my life, even though I really would like to have a mate. It’s not like I’m starved for company – I have a few very good lady friends – but there’s only a certain amount of times a woman wants to see you and never go out for dinner. I got tired of arguing with women about going to have dinners, so I hired somebody to cook. The food is better at my house.’

[From The Daily Mail]

They really did break the mold with Jack, didn’t they? So, what do you think? Do you think he would go for me? I’m more than 40 years younger than him, I have big boobs and I love modern art? I think he’d like me.

Photos courtesy of WENN & PR Photos.