Joan Rivers says Angelina Jolie is beautiful and stupid

Joan Rivers isn’t a woman I’ve ever thought of as particularly intelligent. In my opinion you have to be smart to be funny, and supposedly she used to be known as funny back in the day. This was brand new information to me. Being witty requires intelligence; being catty just requires being ugly. And thanks to the help of several plastic surgeons, Rivers has the last quality down pat. And I figure you can’t be that smart if you can’t tell when it’s time to pack in the knives and porcine injections (or whatever the hell it is she puts in her face).

So all that said (hey look at how I can be ugly and catty too!), Joan Rivers thought it was a good idea to call Angelina Jolie stupid. Now I’m not saying Angelina is up in her lab making new chemical compounds or anything, but I seriously doubt that Joan Rivers is intelligent enough to criticize anyone else’s mental power.

Comedienne Joan Rivers has found a new target for her hard-hitting gags — Hollywood superstar and Goodwill Ambassador Angelina Jolie.

The sharp-tongued Rivers dished to reporters during an interview with GMTV, “Well, I’ve worked with stupid actresses — I’ve worked with Angelina Jolie — she saw a sign that said ‘WET FLOOR’ one time, and she did!” Rivers adds, “I mean, she’s attractive, but not a bright girl — stunningly beautiful, but stupid.”

[From Extra]

Congratulations Joan, you reek of desperation. And probably that old lady smell too. You know, the one some old people get when instead of washing their own hair every day they go to the beauty parlor once a week? Somehow they forget that cleaning from the scalp down is still an essential daily activity. I just look at this woman and can see (yes see) the smell of my great grandmother’s basement. Musty, dank, and too many old comforters and empty jars laying around. Of course in Rivers’ case the jars have horrifying labels like “placenta cells” and “Restylane, trial version, canned 1988.”

Frankly I wouldn’t want Joan Rivers saying I’m beautiful. That’s like Picasso saying your face goes together in a way he really likes.

Here’s Joan at the photocall for her new play “A Work in Progress by a life in Progress” today at the Leicester Square Theatre in London. Photographer: Daniel Deme . Images thanks to WENN.

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39 Responses to “Joan Rivers says Angelina Jolie is beautiful and stupid”

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  1. Because I say So says:

    Yeah, that does seem pretty desperate. The very fact that she invoked St Angelina’s name caused her to be on this blog! Go figure!

  2. saintdevil says:

    Are you sure it wasn’t just a completely unfunny joke?

    I mean, even the fiercest Jolie-Haters wouldn’t claim that she peed on the floor because she misunderstood a warning sign.

    Or maybe they would…

  3. cc says:

    Because when it comes to judging how smart people are, I always look to Joan Rivers, the plastic 235 year old.

  4. Strawberry In Disguise says:

    Peroxide make-up artist, put the slap right on, this woman needs it more than anyone!!!

    How can this rubber mask criticise anyone? She’s just jealous because Angelina can move her face! :D

  5. stellapurdy says:

    Can’t the woman make a joke about St. Angie, albeit bad, and not get roasted for it??


  6. huh says:

    When I was back in college I was watching Fashion Police on E! back when Joan used to hoste it.

    My roommate asked me “do you actually think she’s funny?”

    My answer was “oh my gosh it didn’t even occur to me that she was supposed to be funny.”

    I doubt Angelina is as smart as she would like people to think but quite sure she isn’t a complete moron.

  7. Mairead says:

    la la la la la la… I can’t hear you!!

    I have to say, I do find her funny. And that joke was so bad it did make me laugh. :lol: :oops: :oops:

    BTW JayBird – Angelina doesn’t have to be in her lab, making up brand new theorems or whatever. That;s what the twins will be doing soon enough :wink:

  8. I choose me says:

    Agree Mairead that it was a bad joke.
    I kinda wish it was true though as that would make Angelina even more awesome in my book, mainly beacuse wetting a floor (with water not pee)that said “Wet Floor” is something silly I would do, just for shits and giggles. Yup, I don’t get out much. :mrgreen:
    I also like puns. :oops:

  9. Starla says:

    Maybe Joan is jealous because she realized she’s neither funny or beautiful.

  10. RReedy says:

    Joan is SO washed up…so mean spirited and downright UGLY in so many ways. I wouldn’t pay 5 cents to see her in person. That goes double for Melissa, the horse faced daughter who lives off Mummy’s money and has no career of her own.

  11. Diva says:

    Joan Rivers has always been “funny” at the expense of others. Like Don Rickles but without the panache.

    The saddest part about this is that she knows making jokes about Jolie will get her press, and that’s all that woman cares about.

  12. Cari says:

    Aw, c’mon guys. Joan Rivers was funny in her day…about 1982. She has to keep her name out there to be relevant and this is what she came up with.

    Imagine how she’s going to skewer Bristol Palin, mind you, not that I think she should. She just will, because again, it’ll get her name out there.


  13. Well, Joan Rivers is ugly and stupid.

    Anyway, Joan Rivers is totally washed up. I haven’t heard about her in years until I saw this tidbit about her on celebitchy. I didn’t even know she was still alive!

  14. vdantev says:

    Plastic surgeons cut too deep and nicked her brain.

  15. Haystacks says:

    Saw her act–it is pretty bad.

  16. Bodhi says:

    When the hell did Joan & Angelina work together?

    I usually think she is pretty funny, but she has lost her edge these past, 20, 30 years

  17. AC says:

    Joan Rivers was good in her day.

  18. Trillion says:

    You know who’s a funny old broad? Cloris Leachman. I had no idea of this but I saw her on the Saget roast and she killed it. I so want to be her when I’m ancient.

  19. czarina says:

    I really think this was just meant as a joke…very much her style of humor, even if it does fall flat.
    I remember seeing a biography of her on A&E and this was exactly the kind of jokes she made about celebs. She was vicious to Elizabeth Taylor when Liz gained a lot of weight.

  20. Diva says:

    I know, Trillion, lol, she was better than any of the rest of them that night! :lol:

  21. elisha says:

    Whatevs, y’all. I LOVE me some SPACEBALLS!!!!!! That movie wouldn’t have been good without her, either.

  22. Victoria says:

    AGREE DIVA !!!!! Maybe that is why she is doing the Geico commercials. More attention… More exposure… Who knows with this woman… I really don’t think Angie cares in the least bit, with all she has going on in her life. I’m sure Joan is at the bottom of her list…Maybe that is the problem.. Angie rejected an interview with her. And Joan is firing back the only way she knows how. Comedy !! ( but I mean it)

  23. BB says:

    Joan Rivers has something certainly… but then So does Bristol Palin ;)

  24. Trillion says:

    Czarina, I remember that exactly. She said “Liz Taylor is so fat her blood type is Ragu”. That’s not too clever and call me puerile, but I did giggle just now while writing this.

  25. chaz says:

    seriously, we shouldn’t cross Rivers! she’s a cyborg and she’s going to be around a lot longer then any of us! she’s kinda like the terminator in that she’s semi-living tissue stretched over a robotic skeleton. FEAR the wrath of RIVERS!

  26. Ron says:

    Joan has know a lot of stupid beautiful women over the years. She told me that Cleopatra was an idiot.

  27. Trillion says:

    I’m laughing Ron. You should get a gig writing for Joan.

  28. insidescoop says:

    Actually, I’ve heard that one before. I have a number of close friends and family in international aid work and when the name Angelina Jolie comes up, eyes tend to roll.

    Be that as it may, I still applaud her for bring attention to urgent international issues. No harm done

  29. blaugrau says:

    this article is really desperate to defend angelina. My God, she says “stupid”, and? get over it!

  30. mrs.darcy says:

    I saw her do a bit on her in the U.K., and taking this one fairly lame gag out of context removes the buildup – she does mercilessly tear into Saint Angie, hilariously in the end pointing out the hypocrisy of all her do gooding in the context of her husband stealing. Sorry but couldn’t disagree more about Joan, she rips into herself as much as anyone else. Is she a nice comedienne? No, but she is damned funny and hits the nail on the head with society more often than not. Her fashion schtick was just a very superficial side of what she does, watch any of her recent stand up and I defy anyone not to laugh.

  31. geronimo says:

    Yeah, agree, Mrs Darcy. Joanie’s takes no prisoners, is as rough on herself as she is on everyone else and can be wildly, hysterically funny. It’s just a joke, at the end of the day. I’m sure Ang is laughing along…

  32. bc says:

    joan rivers – old, ugly and stupid.

  33. Kaiser says:

    Sigh. I just get tired of desperate has-beens using La Jolie’s name to get a little bit of press. Blech.

  34. Judy says:

    Well the next plastic surgery should stop her from being able to talk.
    They keep pulling her face up higher and higher pretty soon whe will be wearing a bra on her chin.

  35. Jesse says:

    Ha! I think she’s hilarious. She knows she looks like a freak. And Angie probably is dumb. Shocker!

  36. Mairead says:

    I have to say I’m still with Geronimo on this one – I think if this was the 80s you could substitute Angelina’s name with Michelle Pfiffer and in the 90s someone like Julia Roberts. She’s merciless with Cher – who’d probably laugh at her too…. when the botox wears off *zing!*

  37. geronimo says:

    Mairead, Joanie’s pretty popular here, isn’t she? Did you see her on Graham Norton’s show, frikkin hilarious the two of them together.

  38. Jeanne says:

    Hey don’t knock it, I wouldn’t mind in my next life being stupid and beautiful and throw in a big pair of boobs too!
    Intelligence is overrated.