I know there isn’t a lot of love for Channing Tatum amongst true dong connoisseurs. It’s true, Channing often comes across like a meathead, and he isn’t cultured or suave or dashing like, say, Jon Hamm or Michael Fassbender. But I still really like Channing. He reminds me so, so much of the good ol’ boys I grew up with (and still live around). And honestly, Channing is one of the South’s better specimens. He’s sweet-natured, humble, and he always come across as an incredibly decent guy. He’s so the guy who would buy me a beer because I seemed like a “fancy city gal” because I‘m the only girl not wearing flip-flops in the bar – for real, that’s happened to me many times in my beloved South. Good ol’ boys associate no flip-flops and a not-so-pronounced Southern accent as a “fancy city gal”.

Anyway, Channing has a new movie out – The Eagle, which isn’t doing so well at the box office. I wish they would let Channing do more interviews to promote the movie, because he gives AMAZING interviews. He’s really chilled-out and unexpectedly hilarious. In this one, with New York Magazine, Channing covers all of the hot topics: homoerotism (“Jamie Bell and I have a bromance. We’ve been having sex for a few years now”), his alleged missing chromosome (“I read on IMDb one time that I’m missing a chromosome or something. Which, I don’t know, could be true.”) and his old life as a stripper (“It was a crazy time in my life. Young and crazy and in Tampa.”). LMAO, I want “Young and crazy and in Tampa” to be my epitaph.

In The Eagle, there are two male leads but no female love interests. Would you say there’s a homoerotic element to the film?
Well there are swords, and two guys are sword fighting. There’s a metaphor there I’m sure. And back in the Roman day I think it was probably more accepted than it is now. But there’s none in the movie. Me and [director Kevin Macdonald] talked a lot before we started filming: There is no love story in the movie, but it’s a relationship movie for sure.

There’s been a lot of buzz about the master-slave relationship going on there. Seems a little BDSM.
I think Jamie had a lot of fun having me as a slave. I don’t think I took advantage of it like I should have when he was my slave. But Jamie, yeah — he abused me. So maybe there was some frustration coming out a little bit here and there.

But would you say there’s a bromance aspect to it? They need each other even though they resent each other — that’s the basis for a lot of love stories.
I think there’s love in any relationship, whether it’s between a man and a woman, an animal and a person. Look, you have a need to be understood, humans gather around each other and they need to help each other through things. Jamie’s character and my character through trial by fire had to figure out how to understand each other. So I guess you could call it a bromance.

How about in real life?
Jamie and I have a bromance. We’ve been having sex for a few years now.

How’s that going?
Going fantastic.

He’s a lot smaller than you. He’s really small.
He’s a goer though.

What’s a goer?
I don’t know. I just made it up.

So you went to Sundance last month with the corrupt-cop movie The Son of No One. How was it?
It went good. I know there was some discrepancy and a little bit of bad mud being slung at certain actors. I think it was all unwarranted. I think Katie [Holmes] is an amazing actress.

Did you see The Hollywood Reporter article that said there were walkouts?
I try not to read it. It kinda hurts, man, sometimes, so I try not to read ’em. It can literally turn your head inside out. It’ll make you the most insecure person on the planet. And actors are probably already the most insecure people on the planet. Adding fuel to the fire probably will not help.

Why so insecure?
You know people, if they don’t like you — you’re opening up in a sort of way, putting your shit out there. If people take a big ol’ shit on it, it hurts a little bit.

Ever read anything about you that’s ever made you feel that way?
I read on IMDb one time that I’m missing a chromosome or something. Which, I don’t know, could be true.

Like missing which chromosome?
That’s all I read before I was like, “Oh my God, I gotta stop” and pulled the ripcord. It’s all dangerous reading those message boards. I went on there to try to remember the name of a costume designer that I worked with and I scrolled down for a second and was just like no, no, no, no, no, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad.

That kind of thing can get addictive for some people.
It’s human nature; we want to see destruction. We know that bodies are gonna be everywhere and it’s gonna be carnage.

Speaking of carnage, how is your burned penis? Everything healed?
It’s great. I’m back on top. No scarring, nothing. That part of your body is very regenerative.

Were you scared?
You should burn your privates and see how scared you are. I’m not even kidding. It’s by far one of the most painful things I’ve ever been through. That’s your man, that’s your dude, that’s your guy. I’ve had a longer relationship with him than I have with my parents.

It’s admirable that you were so eager to talk about it so publicly and openly.
Thanks, man. Look, I know people are gonna want to know, so the best thing I know how to do is literally to overtalk about it so that people are tired of talking about it.

There you go. That’s smart. Do you do that with anything else?
Obviously the stripping thing. But it’s kind of old news. Everyone wants to talk about it but they all keep saying the same thing. It was a crazy time in my life. Young and crazy and in Tampa.

[From New York Magazine]

I just love the guy. Nothing fazes him! If Naomi Campbell or Russell Crowe had been asked these kinds of questions, the interviewed would be hospitalized because a cell phone had been shoved up his ass. I also love that he defends his costars, no matter what. Katie Holmes gets Channing’s stamp of approval, for what it’s worth. And Jamie Bell is a “goer” – a great non-defense. God, I adore him.

Photos courtesy of WENN.