Ted Nugent for President? The Nugent Doctrine

70′s rocker and staunch conservative, Ted Nugent, is very vocal about his political views and has even threatened to run for office if he doesn’t find a candidate who stands for what he feels are the US’s sacred Constitution and Bill of Rights. The Motor City Madman is notoriously pro-NRA, pro-war, anti-drug, anti-alcohol, anti-gay and has made as much press espousing those ideals as he did in music. Now, Nugent is releasing a book which lays out his plan of how things would be handled if he were President of the United States.

In “Ted, White and Blue,” the [insert wild animal]-hunting, liberal ideology slayer says he’d smoke out evil-doers by any means necessary, defund health care for smokers and obese people, implement the death penalty for first-time drug dealing offenses, and send chronically out-of-work Americans to Cuba.
What else would a Nugeistration look like? Thanks to the NY Post and the LA Times, here are a few choice nuggets from the book, in stores now:
Foreign Debts: The rocker says he’d “take appropriate gas and oil from Mexico and the Middle East as payment for all debts we are owed by them.”
War: “[I'd] instruct the US military warriors to do their job — win the global war on terror right now and eliminate all threats from all sources by any means necessary.”
Peace: “Each morning I bow down on bended knee in reverence to the Almighty and pray for good bombing weather. The history of mankind is one of war, not peace…’Give peace a chance’ will get you killed. John Lennon was wrong. Imagine that.”
The United Nations: “[I'd] refuse to pay one red cent more to the UN until other nations pony up their fair share — but maintain membership just to keep our eyes on the bastards.”

[From PopEater]

I wasn’t all that familiar with Ted Nugent before seeing one of his television hunting shows a few years ago. I had certainly heard his music but had never been introduced to the guy’s personality or views of the world. I couldn’t change the channel, he’s mesmerizing. I can’t say I take a word he says seriously, it’s all just so over the top, but the entertainment level is through the roof. His 2003 competition reality show on VH1, Surviving Nugent, only ran for one season. What? You mean you couldn’t get people to sign up a second time for this?

The contestants’ only obstacle? Ted.
Hide from Ted. Suck up to Ted. Do whatever you want to Ted. In the end, every decision is entirely up to Ted-who wins, who loses, who stays, who goes, who eats, who doesn’t. If Ted doesn’t like the way you smell, you’re gone. If Ted thinks you talk too much, he’s whacking you off.

  • See Ted hunt contestants from a helicopter with a big-game-net-gun.
  • Watch contestants play a game of IPECAC ROULETTE. You spew, you go home.
  • Feel the intensity as contestants play chicken with a speeding pick-up truck. Get too greedy, get dead.
  • Live the crunch as contestants take their aggression out in a Texas-style demolition derby.
  • Watch as contestants become versed in the fine art of taxidermy. There is an art to removing eyeballs from a deer in the appropriate fashion.
  • Feel the sting of the scorpions as our contestants are buried alive in the Nugent Swamp.
  • Experience the rush as the last two contestants ESCAPE FROM NUGENT in a ranch-wide obstacle course that requires a final arrow be fired into the heart of Ted Nugent.

[From Vh1.com]

The Nuge doesn’t actually intend to run for President, as wildly crazy as he may be, he’s smart enough to know better than that, but it won’t stop him from running for lesser office. As conservative Republican as Nugent may be, I doubt his image resounds with the core base of the party and anyone left of far-right would scoff at his platforms. But he’s certainly entertaining, with or without a guitar.

Ted Nugent is shown performing at the indigO2 Club in London on 7/14/08. Credit: Landmark / PR Photos. The photo of Nugent in profile is from the same venue credit: WENN

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31 Responses to “Ted Nugent for President? The Nugent Doctrine”

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  1. hannabanana says:

    I love Ted Nugent. He’s a wack, there’s no doubt, but he’s got his political head screwed on a lot straighter than a lot of the lying, thieving, old-school politicians in Washington right now.

  2. daisy424 says:

    Hysterical write up Ceilidh. The Nuge :wink:
    Ipecac Roulette, sounds like a game played in a Frat.
    One of my first albums was his 1975 Ted Nugent release. “Hey Baby” is a classic. Talented guitarist.
    Knew he was an ultra conservative but didn’t know about some of his far, far right views, a bit of a radical, scary 8O

  3. Syko says:

    Doesn’t he also practice polygamy or something to that effect? What a weirdo!

  4. April says:

    LOL at “If Ted thinks you talk too much, he’s whacking you off.”

  5. princess says:

    I’ve always felt he was on the wrong end of his cross-bow.

  6. cara says:

    I don’t like his music, I think it’s awful,I used to abhor his hunting till I realized he was right. But, I definatly don’t like the way he has portrayed his children’s mother (as I once saw on VH1′s behind the music) nor do I feel that he has taken responsibility for what was his role in her addictions. That said, I did seem to agree with a lot of what he was saying on Glenn Beck recently. AND, no one person is perfect, sole God.

    On a side note, we share the same birthday.

  7. Cari says:

    ^^ wha? ^^

  8. Raquel says:

    Should I be ashamed that I’ve have pleasant dreams of him accidentally shooting himself with one of his own AK-47s? Good, ’cause I’m not!!

  9. Sal says:

    all this from a draft dodging pants shitter.

    If you’re a dumb, cowardly dullard it’s best you keep your idiotic “solutions” to all the world’s ills to yourself.

  10. Kaiser says:

    And still, he’s more qualified than Sarah Palin. 8O

  11. Codzilla says:

    Ceilidh: Agree with all you said in full. He’s a crazy bastard, but he’s entertaining as hell. I had to laugh when he proposed sending all the dead beats to Cuba.

  12. Fernando Narcos says:

    The wingnuts LOVE Ted.Sean Hannity splooges his drawers whenever the guy’s within one hundred yards of him.He’d spread his legs for Uncle Ted quicker than he does that Coulter dude.And Uncle Ted is in tune with the Republican base.these are the things these idiots believe.Ted’s their voice.

  13. vdantev says:

    The man who sang “cat scratch fever” a song about masturbating your girlfriend woke up with a few gray hairs and suddenly decides he’s Mr. RedWhiteAndBlue Conservative, and people are so brain dead and easily duped they believe every word that vomits out of his gaping hole.

  14. Brad says:

    Ted Nugent is the man! He tells it how it is, and is unapologetic. Lets face it, the Nuge rulz.

  15. RaraAvis says:

    We here in Michigan have had to put up with Ted and his egomania for many years. He’s nothing but talk, talk, talk. If you don’t ignore him he’ll never go away, so shhhh!

  16. rottenkitty says:

    He has all the guts of a man who constantly needs a gun in hands to compensate for the size of his dick.

    He shit himself so he wouldn’t have to serve in the war. Lovely.

    And his politics make Attila the Hun look like a progressive. He’s a hypocrit and a knuckle-dragger. (With apologies to knuckle-draggers everywhere.)

    Oh, and his music is shite.

  17. Monalicious says:

    I saw Ted a few times in concert as an opening act for KISS, and he caused so much conterversy!!! In San Antonio, TX, he almost got ran out of town because he told the audience, “If you can’t speak English, get out of my country”!! Then, in his song called “Kiss My Ass”, he said, Al Gore, you big P@ssy….Kiss My Ass. At a show of his in Lawton, OK, at the Fort Sill Army Base, he had a .45 hanging off hip!!! He’s nuts. Loony toons crazy. And it makes him a great performer, but it would be his downfall as any type of leader!!!

  18. Any Moose says:

    This guy is old and gross!

  19. Dorian says:

    I wonder how my beautiful friend Pele picked him. I think he is just a vampire that took her. She is strong but her choice in men is a bit too argh for me right now.

  20. vdantev says:

    Dorian, WTF are you babbling about ?

  21. Jack says:

    Ted Nugent For President.We might as well vote in Ronald McDonld.Even thou he has some good points on some subjects,most of the time he should take a valium and chill out.And the bad part is most of the things he against are against the people that support him.How many of his fans are over weight,smoke,some do drugs and drink.Myself I thought his music was better when I dranked and druged.Maybe if we were to stop supporting him,since he is so against us,he will have to hunt because he has to,instead cause he wants to.He is like a spoiled step kid.

  22. JaundiceMachine says:

    Ted Nugent touts himself as an avid outdoorsman . . . but it’s well known amongst hunters that he’s pampered and incredibly unsportsmenlike.

    In South-Central Colorado he paid ludicrous amounts of money to hunt on private land heavily populated with elk. He then proceeded to shoot an elk in the gut (a stupid shot), but refused to track it and give fair chase, thereby sentencing the creature to a long and painful death – all because tracking it would entail too much effort on his part.

    Instead, the “adamant hunter” wanted to take aim at another elk nearby and threw a hissy fit when the guide wouldn’t let him and insisted they should track the first elk. Nuge bitched about it until they all agreed to head home. He tried to hunt the same land next year, but they refused to take his money.

  23. Jay says:

    Great. He’s JUST what we need these days. More tripe and dick wagging.

    Shut up and sing, Ted.

  24. Codzilla says:

    Jaundice: Jesus, that’s depressing. We have a herd of elk who roam around here (literally right outside our windows) and they’ve become part of the family. One has even befriended my horses and occasionally jumps into the pasture to hang out/snack on some hay.

  25. JaundiceMachine says:

    That sounds sweet, Cod. Just don’t ever invite the Nuge over for tea. He’s liable to take potshots at your friends.

  26. Codzilla says:

    Jaundice: It would almost be worth having him over so I could shoot his balls off when he started to take aim. I live in a red state, so it’s likely I’d avoid prison. :mrgreen:

  27. mark says:

    Ted Nugent is, always has been and always will be an untalented, obnoxious joke.

  28. Jeanne says:

    Wango Tango Back Woods Animal Killing
    SumofaBitch. He looks like he could be the Unabomber’s son. He’s probably planning some crazy sh*t as we speak.

  29. Nick says:

    Guess what, if you don’t like Ted, tough. There’s more of us than you, and we’re armed. Wow, he’s loud. If you’re not loud and pissed off about what’s going on in this country, then YOU ARE WRONG. And if you live in MI and you don’t like Ted, then you live in either Detroit, Flint, or Ann Arbor. Stay there. You’re the same ones that think Susan Sarandon, Jane Fonda, Alec Baldwin, and Sean Penn have something to say.
    Codzilla, wild animals are not your family. What kind of messed-up fairy tale land do you live in? Jesus, Joseph, and Dale Earnhardt Sr., people need to pull their heads out of their 4th point of contact.

  30. Joseph says:

    “Journey to the Center of Your Mind”, Ted thought it meant the little head.