We get it Goop, we’re all eating too much and spending too much time watching you try to sing and pose on the TeeVee now that your movie career has gone to sh*t. You work harder than us, your kids are better clothed and more talented than ours, and you’re skinnier and richer than we are. You hold the keys to our happiness and only you can tell us how to live, eat and shop so that we’ll taste a small fraction of the happiness and success that is your everyday life. Oh Goopy, tell us how to BE you so that we may bask in your hungry sweaty glow.
“The reason that I can be 38 and have two kids and wear a bikini is because I work my [expletive] ass off. It’s not an accident. It’s not luck, it’s not fairy dust, it’s not good genes. It’s killing myself for an hour and a half five days a week, but what I get out of it is relative to what I put into it. That’s what I try to do in all areas of my life.”
Thank you so much, Ms. Paltrow. Thank you! You must also know how to have a happy marriage, since your husband actually showed up at something you were promoting. Oh and you’re so hip and cool and you’re down with the black people. We admire that too. Show us the way, Goopy, the way to sanctimony and know-it-all, the way to sell, sell sell when you’ve got nothing left but your lifestyle to hawk.
Kaiser e-mailed me this and I must add it. “I’m surprised Gwyneth didn’t say something about her ‘very best dear friend, Gangster Rappers.'”