Gwyneth Paltrow covers Bon Appétit, claims she doesn’t have time to bathe

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Gwyneth Paltrow covers the new issue of Bon Appetit, because, you know, she’s a master chef now. The photo shoot is okay – it looks a lot like the one she did with Vogue last year, only there’s less WHITE. Gwyneth looks colorful and healthy, like she isn’t racked with vitamin deficiency and bird-like bones. I do like that she’s biting her lip on the cover. It reminds me of Kristen Stewart. It also makes it seem like Gwyneth is just about to laugh at all of us for almost buying her “I’m one of you, I can act like a peasant too” act. She’s having a giggle because she thinks she’s pulled it off. You can read the full article here, and see the slideshow (of Dame Goop cooking) here. Here’s an excerpt from the article:

She’ll tell you herself: She’s not Wonder Woman. “Don’t know how that rumor got into the papers,” she says of the magazine project. “It could not be further from the truth. I literally do not have time to bathe let alone start a magazine.”

Oh, yeah—time. That can be hard to find when you’re raising two kids and your husband, Chris Martin, is the lead singer in one of the world’s biggest bands, Coldplay. (Martin makes a brief appearance during the shoot post-morning workout, breezing into the kitchen amid the lights and stylists to crank up a purple energy shake in the family’s Vitamix blender.)

As a cook, Paltrow has vacillated between obsessively health-minded and just-like-the-rest-of-us indulgent, finally settling somewhere in the sensible middle. When her father, the late Bruce Paltrow, was diagnosed with throat cancer in 1998, she immersed herself in research of all things good for you, hoping, as she writes in her book, to heal her dad: “Of course I couldn’t cure him, but I found that my body felt really good.” She ended up going vegan for several years—that is, until she became pregnant, at which point grilled cheese and Baskin-Robbins Jamoca Almond Fudge ice cream won out. When she began raising her children, Apple and Moses, she wanted them to eat well and enjoy food. “Could I use some butter and cheese and eggs in my cooking without going down some kind of hippie shame spiral?” she writes. “Yes, I could.”

Few of Paltrow’s recipes—which she develops with her kitchen assistant Julia Turshen, whom she credits prominently in her book—are what you’d call complex. And that’s by design. There’s a fresh simplicity to them; they’re healthy-ish without being preachy. In the book, for instance, she gives a great recipe for an oyster po’boy, but also provides a vegan option. And she has recipes for dishes like roasted fish with salsa verde, chicken and dumplings, and spaghetti alle vongole. If you like Jamie Oliver or the River Cafe cookbooks, My Father’s Daughter will speak to you.

What’s most engaging about Paltrow’s recipes is that there’s usually a reason and a story behind each. “It’s how I think as a cook,” she says while slicing grilled chicken breasts on the bias, just like a catering chef. “I wouldn’t say I’m a very original thinker, but if I have a good experience with something, I’ll want to take it further or adapt it in some way. I’m not going to be doing molecular gastronomy; I’m a wife and a mom and a home cook.”

The only request Paltrow makes during the shoot is that it wrap by 3:00 p.m. so she can pick up her kids from school. At 2:58, we get the last shots of her. A few minutes later she reappears in beat-up jeans and a snug leather jacket, having transformed from cover girl to concerned mom. “You guys aren’t going to let all this food go to waste, are you?” she asks the crew as she gathers up the chicken breasts and slides them into a mega Ziploc bag.

“Make sure you take some home with you. Okay,” she says on her way toward the front door. “I gotta go! Gotta get the kids.” And that’s it. School’s out, shoot’s over. And the chicken is delicious.

[From Bon Appetit]

Several things surprised me in the article. One, Chris Martin made an appearance, and he didn’t come across like a curmudgeon who despises his wife. Although… you notice that Chris isn’t eating what Goop is cooking, right? Ha. Two, Dame Goop didn’t name-drop anyone. It’s been so long since I’ve read an interview with her where she didn’t toss in a “My best friend Beyonce loves my spinach puree with sapphire truffle oil, but my dearest fishmonger told me that that I was the only one who could properly do the halibut with crème d‘baby seal, which is what I did for my amazing friends Bill Gates and those Chilean miners.”

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Photos courtesy of Bon Appetit.

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60 Responses to “Gwyneth Paltrow covers Bon Appétit, claims she doesn’t have time to bathe”

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  1. brin says:

    Thanks, I just lost my appetit.

  2. dread pirate cuervo says:

    I used to hate her, but the more Goopy she gets, the more I like her. It’s not like she suddenly became famous & forgot how to be a regular person. She born fancy & doesn’t know any other way. I think because this article is in Bon Appetit, they’re actually concerned with the food & not trying to create some “Chris Martin hates the Goop” scandal.

  3. Roma says:

    Why is she everywhere all of a sudden? Is there such a high demand for her goopiness?

    It’s not longer the mid to late 90s anymore.

  4. Maria says:

    I really like gwyneth. She is so adorable and beautiful. I love the way she acts

  5. Delta Juliet says:

    OK….1. I am suffering from GP overload. I need her to go away from awhile.
    And 2. Don’t f’ing tell me how little time you have girl. You’re time is filled because you want it to be, not because you have to make ends meet.

  6. Samigirl says:

    Oh Brin, you’re always good for an LOL in the morning. And NOBODY cooks in a nice dress like that.

  7. Happymom says:

    I’m with Dread. She has completely grown on me. I’m more bemused than annoyed by the name dropping. No one that actually deals with her has anything bad to say about her.

  8. Calli Pygian says:

    In the 3/4 view, Fishstick’s back line is incongruent with her butt line.

    Photoshop much?

    God, I wish her publicist would just stop. I am so sick of her press junket and face.

  9. dorothy says:

    Have to admit…she’s a beautiful woman.

    Do wonder why she’s on every magazine now, guess it’s the release of her book.

  10. janie says:

    i don’t hate Gwyneth for being rich or out of touch. I hate her for acting like she deserves a Nobel every time she does something pretty ordinary. Like, she puts out a press release if she takes out the garbage.
    I have been a cooking nerd for years now, but it does not make me think I should have my face plastered everywhere because I am something extraordinary.

  11. azurea says:

    She does look great here, and that blue dress is to-die-for.

  12. RHONYC says:

    ‘because, you know, she’s a master chef now.’

    BWAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!

    hilarious!

    i seriously think that Goopy has a case of ‘The Madonnas’ (remember from SATC?). let me explain:

    i sincerely think she is trying to be ‘I’m Every Woman, It’s All In Me’ ala, Angelina Jolie.

    remember when Angie was getting so much press regarding Empress Z and Africa and then SUDDENLY Madonna was adopting from Africa and doing YEARS of charity work that no one even heard of in Malawi (yeah, right!)???

    now Poopy-Goop has decided that ‘she’ too needs to be a ‘Jack-of-all-Trades’ and get press about…cause, she can do other stuff TOO!!!

    *MAJOR EYEROLL*

    this monkey see, monkey do sh*t is so desperate & telling.

    what a bore. :-(

  13. brin says:

    Thanks, Samigirl!

  14. RHONYC says:

    @ janie

    THANK. YOU.

    p.s. – my fiancé & i are such foodies, we watch the Food Network while we eat!

    that said, the b*tch makes spaghetti (and not even from scratch like Lidia!!!) and sprinkles some basil on top and acts like she reinvented the wheel!

    Blythe, please call your daughter. make it stop. please. :-(

  15. jello says:

    I’m not Wonder Woman I’m just so busy with all my amazing projects I don’t have time to bath. I’m not health nut crazy, I was simply trying to save my beloved father’s life. Oh and here is my husband who I contractually obligated to make an appearance so everyone would stop wondering why he’s never around. Also, I picked up my kids MYSELF but I had to come back to the photo shoot dressed in real person clothes so everyone would notice.

    She’s continually on ever magazine cover because she’s making a hard, hard push to “re-brand” herself and will not stop until it’s done. Ugh.

  16. Kaboom says:

    Does she change outfits while cooking at home, too?

  17. original kate says:

    “kitchen assistant” = personal chef.

  18. Quest says:

    Don’t have time to bathe (essential hygenic practice) considering Goopy is in the preverbial kitchen cooking up a storm (puking now)

    I don’t blame Chris for not eating Goopy’s food – no bathe, no eat.

  19. anon33 says:

    ARGH!!
    The last thing I had that wasn’t infiltrated by stupid celeb culture and reality whores was cooking, and food maagzines, and Top Chef. Now, Top Chef has pretty much jumped the shark, and I have to see this bitch’s stupid face on my Bon Appetit????
    DO NOT WANT.

  20. Dana M says:

    Who cares about her lack of bathing. What I want to know is what a “purple energy shake” has in it.

  21. Spaniard says:

    She looks absolutely stunning, and the more she gets hate from here the more I like her.

    PS: Her spanish is absolutely perfect, I truly admire people that can speak a second language without accent, some spanish actresses could take a lesson or two from her effort to speak a foreign language properly.

  22. OtherChris says:

    Are they trying to run themselves out of business like Gourmet?

  23. Abby says:

    I love that you can see her freckles in these pictures. It’s nice that even if she is photoshopped, it’s not into oblivion with plastic skin, etc.

  24. S says:

    I really, really love the last picture, but I don’t care how ‘delicious’ or ‘healthyish/indulgent/simple/blah’ her food sounds – that whole article made me feel a bit sick. What terrible writing. There’s enough sucking up there to power an entire fleet of vacuum cleaners.

  25. LunaT says:

    @Original Kate— “kitchen assistant” = book author.

    I’m never impressed w/anything Gwenyth does. Even the things which should seem impressive. It’s not like she grew up rough and created opportunities for herself to live a privileged life.

  26. Crash2GO2 says:

    I’m guessing she meant take a bath vs a shower?

  27. Mika says:

    Here’s the thing about Gwen. Her life is (mostly) awesome. If she just lived her awesome life, hung out with Beyonce, worked out for three hours a day and made dinner while holding her nose up at me, I’d be cool with that. The problem is, she keeps trying to convince me that we have something in common, that we are both just struggling to live our crazy lives, but we’re not. She keeps trying to convince me she’s just a funny goofball, and she isn’t. it’s like… bitch, you have everything. Why do you need me to admire you as a hardworking mom? Why can’t you just live the dream?

  28. guesty says:

    Whatevs Gwennie. The pic with her finger in her mouth is the most annoying.

  29. ohbutmeow says:

    I was never impressed with Goopy, and I think my dislike for her would have remained low-key if, in the mid-late 90s, I hadn’t felt contractually obliged to go by the conceit that she was the most beautifullest, talentedest person who ever lived and her success had nothing to do with her family, and anyone who thought otherwise was just a mean, jealous h8r. Now that we regularly call bullshit on her smug, disingenuous privilege, I feel much better about life. :)

  30. rachel says:

    she has her “KITCHEN ASSISTANT”- where i am from that means that’s the cook, and she is a shade darker- but it is ok if it is called a KITCHEN ASSISTANT who is the white slave version- seriously this woman makes me vomit in my mouth- i could stomach it if she wasn’t such a fucking hypocrit loser-

  31. tanya says:

    @Mika & ohbutmeow: Ditto… You both nailed the crux of what makes Goop annoying to me.

  32. Blue says:

    I’m so sure she has no free time to have a bath like really, who does she think she’s fooling. She just seems so fake. Like she wants to be every woman. She cooks, cleans, picks up her kids, is funny, smart. Give it a rest! Plenty of women do what she claims she does daily, without millions in the bank. It’s not impressive it’s everyday reality.

  33. Vickyb says:

    Haha at the photoshopping in the photo of her in blue, with her bottom and top not matching up on either side of her arm!

    She’s so smug, but I would point out that spaghetti with cherry tomatoes in it is not cooking – my foetus could rustle that up.

    I think it’s just to prove that she eats carbs. Which she clearly doesn’t.

  34. Annaloo says:

    Ugh. Bored. BYE!

  35. ohbutmeow says:

    @tanya – Thanks! I grew up with girls like Goopy (and being told I was a mean, jealous h8r when I complained about them) so I’ve had a lot of time to mull this over, LOL.

    @Mika – Spot on. The Goopling either needs to embrace/work her bitchery and have done with it or admit she’s one fucking lucky broad. I’d love to see her get all Joan Collins on us, I must say.

  36. original kate says:

    @ mika, blue, etc: yes, exactly. you all are spot on, as goop would say.

    it’s like she just discovered menial chores and because she’s never had to do them before she finds them fun and meditative and grounding: “look! i’m making pasta from a box! i’m ironing sheets! i’m picking up the kids from school! see, i’m NOT an ice princess!” oh, please. these are things we all do every day, and most of us have no help and hold actual jobs and stuff, too. we do them because they need to be done and we don’t expect to get praised for doing them.

    example: this morning i got up, walked the dogs, practiced cello for an hour, scrubbed the tub, did the dishes and now i’m on my way to work for the next 8 hours. then i will stop at the store, make dinner, do laundry and will likely fall asleep on the sofa with a glass of wine while mr. original kate watches “die hard 2″ after fixing the garbage disposal. ta-da!

  37. Ria says:

    I don’t even wanna read what she has to say. but the pictures are unexpectedly bright

  38. Blue says:

    @ original Kate exactly what I mean, plenty of women do it. It’s not fun or exciting it’s what has to be done. I don’t have the option to hire a nanny or maids to take care of it while I work. Can you imagine how much more annoying she would be as a single parent like myself. I do it all, the only breaks I get are every other Friday when my mom takes my daughter for a few hours so I can do a deep clean. The rest of the time I have to cook, clean, grocery shop, do dishes & laundry all with a 14.5 month old under foot. She would have free time if she would just go AWAY!

  39. Rhiley says:

    Kaiser, I love a good Goopy post. Even the ones that are kind of boring are highly entertaining. I also love Goopy Poo’s face on the cover because it totally has this look like, “I just farted. You couldn’t hear it but wait a few and you will see people clearing the room. I had an all organic aspargus, garlic, cucumber, onion, and black bean salad for lunch.” Something must have fallen through with the magazine because you know she was totally telling all of her most dear very good most closest and most loyal friends that it was in the pike.

  40. serena says:

    Strangely enough, I loved the photos.

  41. Diane says:

    Gad, I can’t stand her. She thinks she’s so clever, but she doesn’t really come across as being very smart at all. Ordinary at best. With famous parents. Like Kate Hudson. And Stella McCartney. And Rumer Willis. And the list goes on and on. Children of talented entertainers who made it big, but the talent seems to have skipped a generation, and so we’re beseiged with people (mostly women) like Goopy, who was probably told that every little thing she did as a child was newsworthy, and now we all have to live with it. I’m betting she drops the last name when her marriage finally crashes and burns and will thereafter be known as Gwynnie! with the exclamation point.

  42. whitedaisy says:

    The only thing, the ONLY thing, that will make her more appealing to the women that she is so desperately trying to win…… is to disappear for about 3 years and live her life out of the focus of a camera.

    She is literally the definition of over-exposed.

    (P.S. Jennifer Aniston and Jennifer Lopez, are you listening?)

  43. Rhiley says:

    @Diane: I totally agree that she does not come across as very smart. A lot of times I will read quotes that she has said, and I will have to go, “Uh?” Two recent examples: 1) When she mentioned throwing the dish towel over her shoulder and said that Brad Pitt’s mother taught her that (Uh?) and 2) She said something about loving your children so strongly that it is like when you are on an airplane and the oxygen mask comes down (Uh?).

  44. zesty says:

    Top pic looks like she’s about to feed me a poisoned apple.

  45. thegreatdefender says:

    Her shape for an older woman is really hot, she sure is cookin’ LOL

  46. Nemma says:

    I find her extremely patronising.
    I just don’t get why celebrities think that because they’re celebrities, they are suddenly experts on lifestyles. It’s very “look at ME aren’t I fabulous, here are some ways you can attempt to live up to my amazingness.”

    She’s an actress. She’s a mom. I don’t understand why she’s now lauding herself as an amazing cook (and dresser and shopper and fitness guru and all the other stuff GOOP goes on about).

    Like a lot of celebrities, she seems to have lost her original purpose (actress, perhaps jobs are thin on the ground) and is now spending her time telling people how great it is to be her and omg, you could also have brittle bones by eating this and this, just like her!

    If she really wanted to connect with people (which I think this is partially her attempt at doing so) she would be better off being a bit more gracious about it. I used to quite like her but she seems to be very “I’m so RELEVANT now, I cook stuff, look at me!”. Hmmm.

  47. vanessa says:

    I saw a video of her cooking once and she kept licking her fingers and then touching the food…gross. Looks like she is doing the same thing here. She does look beautiful though.

  48. jemshoes says:

    The real lifestyle ‘gurus’ are the ordinary, every-day working women, mothers and housewives who do the work out of the spotlight and don’t expect to be praised for it (though it’s great when we are!). It’s THEIR example I want to follow, not a celebrity like Goopy. :)

    I think the purple energy shake would have beetroot in it. :D

  49. 4Real says:

    Nope still not impressed GOOPY!

  50. CooCooCatchoo says:

    @Jemshoes… I am one of those moms, so thank you so much for the WOOT WOOT! Man, I really think Gwyneth is beautiful, I love her work, and I believe that she really loves those kids. She was raised differently than I was, so I’m gonna cut her some slack on the snobby vibe. If I could afford to feed my children organic food and more fresh produce, I would in a heartbeat. But most of us can’t. Talk about not bathing regularly LOLZ! I haven’t taken more than 3, 20 minute showers a week since my children were born, no lie. My priorities are different now. My kids eat more Mac and Cheese than they should. That’s probably something most moms could relate to. I feel like all of her posturing is a facade, and that’s sad. She’s not really relatable, and everytime she tries to sound relatable, it backfires .

  51. poodlemom says:

    I bet she bathes when Matthew Morrison comes to town!

  52. Alix says:

    I can only assume she has no idea what the word “literally” means.

  53. orion70 says:

    A lot of people have been bemoaning the fact that Gourmet magazine went under and being left with the less than ideal Bon Appetit which had been dumbed down around the same time, and generally not the Bon Appetit mag it used to be.

    I had subscriptions to both magazines for years, and let BA go not long after the changes the past year or so. I don’t ever recall seeing a celebrity on the cover, ever. Another sign of how it has changed, and not for the best.

  54. truthzbetta says:

    “Hippie shame spiral?” Hippie? In what universe should someone in designer gowns at every event, smiling on the cover of Bon Appetit be called a hippie?

    Yogalates with your personal gym owner/trainer does not make you a hippie.

    Meh. I still think she sounded insufferable. She managed a name drop– she let everyone know she was married to the most important guy in the greatest, biggest, most important band evah. Same ol’ insufferable woman with the most insufferable first name in the biz.

    You name someone Gwyneth, I guess you’re asking for this.

  55. lucy2 says:

    LOL Alix.
    I think the words “kitchen assistant” say it all, especially after she just did that other media thing about how she cooked for dozens of people ALL BY HERSELF. Yet has a “kitchen assistant” to help her make spaghetti for home?

    I totally agree that the problem isn’t what she does, but her relentless need to publicize it as if it’s miraculous and the world must know what she’s accomplished – when millions of people do the same every day. I also just don’t buy the whole perfect life thing, simply because she’s selling it so hard.

    And Goopy…no one thinks you’re Wonder Woman. Whoever said that was probably being sarcastic.

  56. Newbie says:

    I watched some show once where she was on the road in Italy with her “bestest, most closest friend”, that chef dude that she talks about a lot (name? Aaack!). The thing is, she really did know a lot about food and food prep. She was filmed in the show will little to no make-up, and she wasn’t pretentious at all. Now, could it be a different story once shooting wrapped every day? Sure. But I don’t think she’s as big a diva as people say. She’s got a WAY different outlook on life than the rest of us, no doubt. But she doesn’t strike me as evil. Did anyone hear that interview with Jack Black back when they shot “Shallow Hal” together? He said that he didn’t quite know what to expect from her, and worried that she’d be a diva. He makes mention that she showed up in like a four-wheeler or something, and was super casual and laid-back. He said it surprised him, but she was totally down to earth and likeable. I dunno. Maybe she’s going through a mid-life crisis (in hollywood, I can’t say I’d blame her. The place is pathetically shallow about looks. Especially for women), but I can’t help but think she’s not that bad.

  57. susan says:

    No, she’d say “my friend WILLIAM Gates”

  58. Goofpuff says:

    Kitchen assistant aka the chef but Goop needs to take all the credit so chef is demoted to “kitchen assistant”. Hope she got paid well.

  59. Carly says:

    Come one- everyone has to admit, G.P. looked great on this cover – especially in that theory blue dress. Why is it so hard to find? This season’s verson is awful. How do we find this dress – she had to have had the phone’s ringing off the hook. PLEASE-Need help – IN DESPERATE NEED! Thanks!!!1 To anyone with any idea get how to get a hold of that dres!?!

    • Cate says:

      Carly,
      Did you ever find out how to get this dress????? I’m with you – it has to be somewhere!!! Please let me know. Thanks.