Brooklyn Decker vs. Jessica Szohr: who looks more matronly?


I just got through yelling at Bryce Dallas Howard and declaring her the worst-dressed at the MTV Movie Awards, and then I chanced upon these two ladies, Jessica Szohr and Brooklyn Decker. I’m still holding that Bryce was definitely the worst dressed, but Jessica especially really wants attention for all of the wrong reasons. Jessica’s senior-citizen jumpsuit is alice + olivia by Stacey Bendet. I mean… seriously? She’s a really pretty girl, she has a great figure, she’s in her 20s, and she’s going to show up to this event LIKE THIS? This looks like a painter’s coveralls, via a Miami retirement community. It also looks like paisley vomit.


Speaking of matronly fugness, what’s up with Brooklyn Decker? She used to look like every dude’s fantasy of a bikini model – long blonde hair, big boobs, dressed like a teenager. But ever since she appeared in Just Go With It, it’s like Brooklyn is aiming to appeal to middle-aged women by styling herself just like them. She’s got a mom haircut and this No. 21 dress looks like the top off of a cheesy ensemble for a 1970s housewife going to her first key party. Brooklyn has a great figure, and she has those enormous boobs, but I’m getting the feeling that she has no idea how to cover those puppies up while still looking under 40.



Photos courtesy of Fame.

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18 Responses to “Brooklyn Decker vs. Jessica Szohr: who looks more matronly?”

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  1. Rosali says:

    I just can’t stand jessica.. and now I think there must be something wrong with here eyes… I mean, how can you choose such an ugly overall???

  2. guesty says:

    It’s a tie!

  3. bondbabe says:

    Ugh——–to both!!! Really? No mirrors available anywhere before leaving the house???

  4. lucy2 says:

    Both awful, Jessica’s slightly more so.
    Brooklyn looks a little like Charlize Theron in that first photo.

  5. Hautie says:

    Ummmm, that dress of Brooklyn’s is what you wear when you have something to hide.

    And I find it hard to believe there is anything to hide on her body.

    Had the dress been slightly altered to give it a hour glass shape, it probably would have looked great. The gold color actually looks good on Brooklyn.

    I like the fact she has healthy looking hair. The cut is great and her highlights are perfect.

    Then again I am happy to see anyone without ratty extensions.

    And I have nothing positive to offer on Miss Szohr. Well, she has pretty eyes. But that is all.

  6. Blue says:

    Ita @ Hautie

  7. Quest says:

    WTF…WT….Fn…hell are they wearing. One look like my gran-mamas dusty drapes and the other looks ewwww…WTF

    @ Hautie -Had the dress been slightly altered to give it a hour glass shape, it probably would have looked great

    ??? Key words “slightly altered” I think not….LMFAO

  8. CarinC4 says:

    Why is she wearing a bandana as a dress? *le sigh*
    And i want to put a cute belt around Decker’s dress if she’s so hellbent on wearing that shapeless gold thing..

    By the way, why do celebrities wear such unflattering things?
    I’m not into brands ((i don’t live in the states but in the Caribbean, but when i travel to florida i LIVE in walmart, target and those little mall stores that actually have jeans that cater to bum- endowed ladies- growls at Old navy…my ass looks like a pancake in ur styles but anyway…………)) but if i had HALF or quarter of the paychecks these people get, i would definately make sure i look amazing with “non-brand” clothes.
    I don’t think u have any excuse to look frumpy or fugly.

  9. devilgirl says:

    Brooklyn Decker, IMO, is not that attractive, and she is highly overrated.

  10. shockedandappalled says:

    This is a tough one. Both look super matronly. I’m going with Jessica Szohr by a hair because the short dress is slightly less matronly.

  11. Bubbling says:

    Lawd! Jessica is wearing Dumbledore’s pj

  12. Kim says:

    Both are awful. Brooklyn is not a very pretty girl and her body is ok but not great like previous Sports Illustrated cover girls-not even close. She must have a really good agent/mgr.

  13. truetalk says:

    i really don’t see the huge breasts brooklyn decker is supposed to have.

  14. justez says:

    sometimes i think celebs wear terrible outfits on purpose just to see their name somewhere. I mean, while these two are obviously more famous than me, would we be talking about them otherwise?

  15. Charlotte says:

    HOLY FUG!!!!!

  16. Franny says:

    I would love Brooklyn’s dress if it was a V neck that was fitted around the waist. then it would be really pretty!

    and I really like her hair. have you ever noticed how much prettier people get when they get a bob from when they have long hair? their hair just looks healthier…thats why i contemplate every 3 months if I want to bob my hair…and then i have to remind myself that i have chubby cheeks and that would do me no good.

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