I know I said yesterday that I wasn’t going to watch Kim Kardashian’s four hour long wedding special, spread out over two nights on E! for maximum commercial coverage. Yesterday, though, I gave in and watched about fifteen minutes that I had taped of Sunday’s show while I was folding laundry. In that episode, Kim and Kris were just starting to try to live together, something that a lot of couples consider important to figure out before they get married. (I lived with my husband for over a year before we made it official. I get that this isn’t the traditional route and that it doesn’t fit in with accelerated reality show filming schedules.)

Kris has some little dogs that he clearly adores and is very sweet with. He pampers the dogs and lets them sleep in his bed, which Kim of course was not having. Kim even got grossed out when Kris cleaned up his dog’s poo outside, which almost every dog owner does on a daily basis. (Except the assh*le across from me in my complex. I am constantly busting him without a plastic bag while his dog craps on my lawn.)

It wasn’t clear how much of Kim and Kris’ conflicts were played up or maybe made up for the cameras, but it struck me how totally different they are. Kris is from the Midwest and he seems pretty down to earth and low key while Kim is incredibly high maintenance and has been spoiled her entire life. It’s possible they’ll end up balancing each other out somehow, but I seriously doubt it. E! has the details of last night’s wedding extravaganza, and I guess that Kim and Kris were so at odds that they didn’t even sit together during the rehearsal dinner.

There’s footage on E!’s website (also above) of Kim complaining to friends about Kris’ new little mustache, which he grew as an act of defiance. She smiles as she says in her nasally tone “I hate him. Every last thing about him annoys me.” Usually that comes a few years after you get married. Then Kris goes and sits at a full table with his friends instead of with Kim. (Kaiser says that he was an obvious douche here.) Again, it’s possible this was all orchestrated for the cameras but it doesn’t look good for these two. The way E! tells it, the multi-million dollar wedding fixed their relationship problems though, the way showy wealth always makes things better.

“We Hate Each Other”: It wasn’t looking good for Kim and a newly mustachioed Kris (an act of groom defiance, we get it, but ew!) two nights before they said their I-dos, when they ended up eating with their backs to each other at their rehearsal dinner at Scarpetta in Beverly Hills. Maybe they were just hungry and cranky, though, because the warring duo had cozied up by the time Bruce and Kris Jenner and New Jersey Net Jordan Farmar made their cute speeches. “This wedding is about love…and let’s just enjoy every moment,” Kim realized.

Diamonds Are a Bride’s Best Friend: Right before go-time, as Kim was getting her makeup done, a gift from the groom arrives: No big deal, just a massive diamond bracelet, featuring two K’s knotted together. Kourtney Kardashian noted how Kim usually picks out every present she’s about to be given beforehand, so the fact that Kris managed to more-than-pleasantly surprise her…Oohs and ahs all around!

Here Comes the Bride! Kim and Kris’ road to the altar was a bit bumpy, but all was forgotten the second Kim appeared on the aisle in her custom Vera Wang gown (her first of the night, that is) with the hand-stitched bodice and endless train. Kris was blown away, the entire Kardashian family looked on the verge of bursting into happy tears, and then Bruce gave the bride away. Kim and Kris looked into each other’s eyes as the pastor shared words that the couple had written about each other. They exchanged vows and kissed. “I would like to present, for the very first time,” the pastor announced, “Mr. and Mrs. Kris Humphries!”

“It was the cutest thing ever! Seeing this really makes me feel so much better,” the initially skeptical Khloé reflected later on. “If this is what Kris does for her, oh my god, I’m all for it!”

[From E! Online]

Khloe says at the end of that quoted article above that she was relieved to see the wedding go so well. This is in reference to an ongoing feud she had with her then-future brother-in-law, which played out on the show. It’s hard to tell how much of that was cooked up by producers, but it’s yet another thing that doesn’t bode well for Kim and Kris’ marriage. Kim is close to her sisters, and the fact that Khloe didn’t like Kris was affecting Kim and Khloe’s relationship.

Yesterday Kim said she’s going to wait a year to have babies. That probably means she’s going to wait a year to see if she should have babies with Kris, considering how much she’s talked in the past about wanting to have kids. She married the guy and got a ton of promotion and cash out of the deal. I think she knows that this is a starter marriage. Oh wait – she’s already been married once. So I guess this is her second husband. Are we going to see the divorce play out on television too?