Nicole Kidman’s on set diary revealed: “I would love to have a baby in my tummy”

Hello! Magazine has excerpts from Nicole Kidman’s supposedly personal diary, written while she was working on the set Baz Luhrman’s upcoming epic, Australia, before she was pregnant with Sunday. Kidman’s narrative has a lot of poetic descriptions, and she seems to feel everything deeply and be oh so moved by it. It comes off as affected at first, as if she’s writing for an audience, and I had some trouble adjusting to her style. Maybe she’s one of those people who is very sensory-oriented and finds a lot of significance in small things. She does goes on and on about how she feels, which is what a diary is for. I can’t help but thinking she shouldn’t have released it to the public, even though it’s likely she wrote it for that purpose.

Describing a moment
It is magical late in the afternoon standing in the warm breeze, surrounded by the twin sisters [mountains] with the sun disappearing, with King George [David Gulpilil] doing his chanting and singing. I just try to breathe it in, hold it close, savour the moment and make it a memory. I sometimes think I am putting together a montage of my life’s moments that will flicker before my eyes just before I die. I hope this can be one of those moments.

On her career
I’m just really glad that I’m here working on a magnificent piece of art, concentrating on what I do, knowing what I do, and feeling grateful for having a great role. It’s amazing how you live between huge successes, huge bombs and everything in between. I try to walk through these and just focus on having a great role.

On wanting to have a baby
Also today I am feeling a huge urge – was it the lunar eclipse? – to have a baby. I would love to have a baby in my tummy. Sigh. We’ll see, one day, what God has in store. I don’t know why I am feeling that right now but yeah, I would like to see that tummy grow. I think I was looking at Brandon and this little aboriginal baby, Angelica, on the set and feeling all that maternal pull. Big.

On missing her two children
Driving home there was a mother and a tiny little joey kangaroo just freshly killed on the road. There’s a lot of road kill, but seeing the joey – it just hit me. I’m feeling wistful. I’m missing my children… missing seeing their faces, kissing their heads.

On her husband, Keith, loving her unconditionally
Keith’s here, feet up, on the computer. He says hi. We had a conversation today, grappling with the state of yearning and existing in a place of happiness, but with desires to keep growing. He has a lovely phrase: ‘Learning to want what you have’.

Keith gives me huge strength today. It is good. I need it. A lot of my insecurities are attached to the thought that I am loved only for what I’ve achieved, so when I believe and know that he loves me no matter what I do or where I go or what I achieve or what I don’t achieve, it’s such an extraordinary thing to accept.

On the director, Baz Luhrman, being her “creative partner”
The mood on the set is changing. Hugh has gone off for a few days and now I have to hit David Wenham with a whip. Everything came to a head and I had a heart-to-heart talk with Baz. How can I go on? This is too hard. But now I am going home to have a good sleep. That always helps. I know I will feel better about things tomorrow…

I speak to Baz about feeling shaky in my confidence, and he whispers to me that it’s the best place to be. To be in that state means you are truly an artist, he says, and you need unrest and disturbance; shaking confidence and shaky self-esteem. I ask him if he feels like that. Is he shaky in his confidence and in his vision? He looks at me with his big brown eyes and nods, and I feel deeply intimate with him. I feel really, really strongly that I am with my creative partner – and that is a lovely place to be.

[From Hello! Magazine, print edition, November 4, 2008]

That’s only a small part of a long article with excerpts from Kidman’s diary each day she was on location for the film in Australia. After I read through everything I had a little more sympathy for Kidman and wasn’t as skeptical as when I first starting sifting through her flowery prose while rolling my eyes. She’s an actress, after all, and she emotes for a living. It seems to come naturally to her even if it strikes some people as affected. There’s one thing you can say for Kidman – she’s a smart woman and a competent writer. She has a nearly four month old daughter now, Sunday Rose, a child she yearned for deeply. She’ll tell you all about it too, her eyes wide while she looks off in the distance dramatically.

Nicole Kidman is shown at “Women in Hollywood Event” at the Four Seasons Hotel in LA on 10/6/08. Credit: Nikki Nelson/ WENN

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28 Responses to “Nicole Kidman’s on set diary revealed: “I would love to have a baby in my tummy””

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  1. Kaiser says:

    “We had a conversation today, grappling with the state of yearning and existing in a place of happiness, but with desires to keep growing.”

    I would shoot myself in the head, really and truly, if I had to live with that. 🙄

  2. princess says:

    I just can’t get over the hideousness of that dress.

  3. elisha says:

    LOVE the last line. “She’ll tell you all about it, too…”

  4. daisy424 says:

    She looks gorgeous, I wish I had her height.

  5. geronimo says:

    Personal diaries, unless they’re really well-written and/or highly entertaining (Alans Clarke and Bennett come to mind) should really really really remain private. The above, I’m sorry to say, made me gag. Has she been hanging out with GOOPY Gwynnie??

  6. Yourself says:


    Isn’t this private? Being HULLO magazine, I am assuming they are writing these excerps with her express permission. I doubt that she is making money from it. She seems half way decent. But I am the only one bothered by a celebrity giving a magazine her diary? Didn’t she say she was a private person?

    Her yearning to have a biological child and her going on and on about it seems a bit unfair to her adopted children. I can imagine that when they read such stories they feel more adopted than ever. May be she feels that way but she should be sensitive to those children when she goes on and on about her biological child.

    Which brings me to her mental state. I thought she was in marital bliss? ‘Grappling in a state of yearning…’ even when qualified with ‘exisitng in a place of happiness’ makes her sound like a person who will forever be discontent. No one has it all Nicole. Even the best of us do wake up with bleak days on occassion. The trick is to try and be happy. Nicole seems to be a melancholy character.

  7. cakes says:

    Why does it look like she’s always posing? Her stance seems so unnatural.

  8. elisha says:

    I like her dress. Although it is sorta the typical “I’m a red head so I will wear forrest green.” I’m as tall as her and hate it.

  9. sassyspank says:

    that was pretty nauseating. reminded me of SNL’s daily affirmations.

  10. sauvage says:

    I have been writing a diary since I was eleven and these excerpts sound very fake to me.

  11. geronimo says:

    Agree, they ring absolutely false. These were totally written for publication.

  12. anastasiabeaverhausen says:

    God, blech! And the dead joey made her think of her kids?

  13. PJ says:

    Nicole talks about her emotions a lot in interviews (maybe because her father is a psychiatrist?) She seems to be very intense emotionally. Remember on her wedding day to Keith she cried with happiness all the way to the church and had to have her makeup re-done?

    PS: Someone asked why does the picture look like she’s posing? Answer: Because she’s posing!

  14. jennifer says:

    OMG sassyspank THAT’S IT! I couldn’t put my finger on it, but you’re right – Daily Affirmations 😆

    She might have an actual, “real”, private diary, but these were obviously written with the intention of making them public. It’s what some people were talking about the other day re: Aniston, Jolie, and all celebs – they ALL do this, they all release certain things to improve image, coincide with a movie release, etc. Nothing wrong with it, REALLY, as long as you’re aware that that’s what it is. I do find it odd that celebrities don’t seem to realize a large majority of the public sees through these tactics…but they’re narcissists in the extreme so I guess it does make sense… I love reading my celebrity gossip but yeah, I carry a rather large grain of salt when I read ANY of these stories 😉

  15. aleach says:

    uhhh really? i mean who writes like that? and for your own “personal” diary? puhhhlease.
    ya,it was kinda making me a little sick.

  16. Murmur says:

    I wish she hadn’t ruined her face. Those lips – UGH!

  17. vdantev says:

    I wanna be famous so I can write down whatever drivel is running through my mind on the set and have the tabs fight like hungry dogs over it.

  18. california angel says:

    What is with all of the stupid stereotypes about redheads?

    I’ve never worn forest green. grrrrrr.

    And I’m a 6 foot tall woman, and I love it!

  19. ri23 says:

    Barf. Watching her in an interview is gut wrenching. She acts absolutely mental, like a four year old in church, wiggling and giggling.

  20. gg says:

    Wow she’s gorgeous. Ugly dress and shoes though.

    I’m a redhead and I wear green at least every other day. Goes well because of the secondary color thing. Green and purple look fantastic with red hair.

  21. Granger says:

    I’ll never forget the wedding I went to a few years ago where the bride was an actress (and the groom was a businessman). You know how most brides are kind of quiet and shy while they’re saying their vows, and just a little embarrassed having to say them in front of all those people? Well, this bride was the exact opposite. She said every line like she was at an audition, with such intensity and emotion, staring deeply into her fiance’s eyes the entire time. My husband and I were happy for the couple, but her performance was eye-rollingly annoying. And that’s kind of the effect that I imagine hanging out with Nicole Kidman would have on me. She’s probably really nice and sweet and kind… but she’s an ACTRESS. A self-absorbed, insecure, high-strung drama-queen. And if you’re not used to hanging out with people like that, then they really can make you want to shoot yourself in the head after a while!

  22. Codzilla says:

    Kaiser: You and me both. If I didn’t kill myself, I’d delight in tormenting her with my low brow sensibilities. Like telling her to f*ck off so I could watch “Cops” without her incessant, new age yapping drowning out the crackheads.

  23. Jeanne says:

    Poor Nicole, she’s dreadfully boring. No wonder hubby used to liked to get high…high and probably far away.

  24. Mavis says:

    Yes, the emotion would get extremely annoying after a while. Also, why has she been dying the top of her head white? It makes her look really really old.

  25. me says:

    Nicole’s not educated and has an insecurity about it (I remember reading how it was a lifelong ambition to study English Literature). She tries to appear more cerebral and intellectual than she is. In Australia, we call someone who does that a ‘wanker’.

  26. Eddie says:

    It can’t be a real diary – there is no mention of how annoying it is for her to put on a wig everytime she goes out in public.

  27. Jinxy says:

    What is she, six? A baby in my tummy – that would be a WTF moment. In other news OK is such a rag I can’t believe it’s still alive.

  28. Ryan says:

    @Jinxy – is that not just her being a bit playful?