Gwyneth Paltrow can’t do her own makeup, thinks we can’t do ours either

Gwyneth Paltrow
So Kaiser had the title saved for this story and I started sending her emails complaining about how I was offended by Gwyneth Paltrow’s newsletter this week. Goop gave us a makeup “tutorial” that was basic stuff I learned when I first started applying makeup as a teen. There was honestly nothing useful at all in there for me. I have auburn hair and pale reddish skin and I do my makeup every day. I can’t remember the last time I went out without makeup, and I don’t feel like myself when I don’t wear it. I don’t wear a lot, and unlike Gwen Stefani I have no problem sitting at home with a bare face around my loved ones, but when I go out I wear it. I know makeup, I know how to apply it, and I know what looks good with my coloring. You can call me insecure or vain or whatever, but I like doing my hair and makeup every day.

Anyway, Goop used a “dear friend” as a model and wrote that she asked a London makeup artist to do her over and give us advice. It was so basic it annoyed me. I’ll just include Goop’s message here. You can go to Goop’s site for the very simple tutorial:

Believe it or not, I am terrible at doing my own makeup. I’m decent at doing it for a friend, but when it comes to my own face, I never get it right. I have been wanting a step by step lesson for ages so I asked my London makeup artist, Emma Lovell, to show me how. One of my gorgeous school mum friends from my son Mosey’s class agreed to be the model (thank you, Kate!), and I learned so much. I hope it’s helpful for some of you!

[From Goop]

I guess if you have no clue how to apply makeup or what products are available the very basic advice may be useful to you. There was nothing new there or informative to me whatsoever. Doesn’t every makeup tutorial tell you that you need to curl your eyelashes first?

This kind of illustrates for me why Goopy goes out without makeup and why she often looks like hell at events. I’ve seen her do that thing where she rims the membranes and lids of her eyes with thin black eyeliner, making her look squinty.

It bothers me that this woman assumes everyone else is as inept with makeup as she is. When I go looking for tutorials, I want to learn how to do a smoky eye, the right brushes to use to apply and blend blush with my face shape, and how to shape my eyebrows and fill them, not just that I should use an eyebrow pencil and a “cream blush on the apple of the cheek.” Really, Gwyneth? You’ve been working red carpets for years and this makeup advice is news to you? It’s like she really does think we need her guidance in all matters.

Update: I’ve been thinking about this, and the thing that bothers me the most is that Gwyneth assumes everyone is at the exact same level that she is, in everything. She shares gourmet recipes regularly. This makeup advice is the equivalent of telling us how to boil an egg or bake a potato. There are people who need to know how to do that, but that’s not what she claims to be about.

These photos are from 2008 and 2009, when Gwyneth’s makeup was particularly bad. She seems to have hired a makeup artist afterwards.

Gwyneth Paltrow

Gwyneth Paltrow

Gwyneth Paltrow

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63 Responses to “Gwyneth Paltrow can’t do her own makeup, thinks we can’t do ours either”

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  1. Delta Juliet says:

    “Believe it or not, I am terrible at doing my own makeup”

    LOL “Believe it or not”…like she could possibly be bad at anything!

  2. Sara says:

    Her hair looks so much better in a bob than long, no question.

  3. brin says:

    She’s pompous and an idiot at the same time.

  4. danielle says:

    Just saw the tutorial – I find it odd that they didn’t show the model head on, so it’s hard to see how the final results look!

  5. horizonte says:

    i couldn’t stop laughing when i saw one of the last photos, and her friend was doing gwyneth’s trademark side-eye! completely goopyfied!

  6. Kaitx says:

    Well, in the context of make-up I’m going to do something awful and pimp my sister’s blog

    She also has a you tube channel – where she shows you how to do smoky eyes etc. CB!

    I know, I’m absolutely shameless. I’m sorry!

  7. Nymeria says:

    I hate make-up. People generally look better without it, IMO.

  8. jen says:

    She actually called her Kate & not Katherine??!! How peasantry!

  9. lucy2 says:

    For all the times she’s been made up by professionals, you’d think she’d have paid attention – esp. if she’s bad at it!
    Never mind, she couldn’t possible pay attention and learn something from a regular person.

  10. aenflex says:

    I can’t do my make up. I get why girls like it, but it’s too much hassle for me anyway. Never go without lipstain, though.

  11. Deb says:

    The makeup artist isn’t even using some of the products recommended by Goop if you look closely at the pics. There are MAC and Bobbi Brown products in the pics. The makeup artist is clearly using a MAC eyebrow pencil on the model rather than the recommended Jouer one. Does Goop get a kickback from B-Glowing if she mentions their products or something?

  12. JP Fan says:

    OMG can Brad’s exes be more pathetic!

    We all know jennypoo is a pathetic talentless mess still waiting for Brad to come back while she hires and/or steals BF’s..Well when hell freezes over that might happen.
    Goopy is a notch above Jennypoo but just as pathetic as she is. So, the bitch is continuing to give advice when she has NO DMN biz of hers. She ONLY won *cough, bought* an Oscar b/c of her dad &mom. Cate Blancett should have won that year. So now Ms Goopy born with a HW silver spoon in her pathetic mouth & never spending any time with her faux-husband who keeps and cheating on her is NOW telling us how we should live our lives, with her disgusting unwarranted advice!
    Maybe, she should STFU and try and save her faux marriage!

  13. CindyBman says:

    I know people want to hate on Gwyneth for being snobby and the “Martha Stewart of Billionaires” but I don’t see it that way.

    When I read what she wrote about her make-up abilities, I read it as someone admitting that they are dorky enough to not know how to apply make-up — self-depracating. (Big word for me and I believe it’s spelled wrong).

    Yes, some of her stuff is beyond what I can afford, or would even want to, but I am going to admit it: I like Gwyneth Paltrow! That wasn’t so bad! πŸ™‚

  14. v says:

    That tutorial was basic. I don’t wear a lot of make up, but I like to know how to apply it properly when I do. I bought Bobbi Brown’s make up book a couple of years ago, and that shows you step-by-step make up application–from basic to artist level. I found it useful and worth the purchase.

  15. HotPockets says:

    I do makeup and sell makeup for a living and let me tell you, there is no RIGHT or WRONG way of doing makeup, it is all about preference. There are certain things you should avoid when consulting a makeup application, but at the end of the end, it is all subjective, just like art is subjective. GOOP is so full of herself.

  16. Samigirl says:

    I agree with HotPockets. I worked for MAC cosmetics for a few years, and it’s all about what works for specific face shapes/skin tones/ etc. I’ve got big, wide eyes that are heavy lided, but someone whose makeup I’m doing may have little squint eyes. I can’t do my smokey eye the same way. FYI-I’m amazing at eyeshadow. And I haven’t won an Oscar. She pisses me off.

  17. IAMEROK says:

    @kaitx ur sisters Blog is UHH MAY ZING!! I have been trying to teach myself how to do eyeliner correctly forever! No more double black eyes for me! πŸ˜€ Thanks!!

  18. Incredulous says:

    Celebitchy, you wrote “[Goop] rims the membranes..” and I am such a juvenile I can’t stop giggling.

  19. ruby says:

    I’m useless at makeup, my mother and female relatives never taught me, so I don’t think her advice was pointless, some of it I’d never heard before. I get it that people who know don’t need this advice, but then why read it ? She said at the beginning that it was really basic. I don’t think it was obnoxious at all. Il like that she didn’t use herself as a model, that would have been ridiculous, instead she chose a non celebrity, it was a nice touch.

  20. Nanea says:

    I thought Goopy learned everything she needed to learn at Spence?

    Apparently not.

    And what’s up with calling her son Mosey? At first glance I actually thought it read Mousey… wouldn’t put that past Goop. But now I’m wondering if she calls Apple Cherry or Gooseberry

  21. Shannon says:

    ROFL I think most people are a little more advanced than “how to apply foundation”. And video tutorials are much more helpful for understanding techniques because you actually get to watch how it’s done. She also didn’t mention anything about using a face primer, which is one of the most important steps for getting your makeup to stay on your face and protecting your pores πŸ˜›

    I also laughed at her “cleansing water”. God forbid she allow common tap water to touch her face! That is perhaps the most useless product I’ve ever seen.

  22. ViktoryGin says:

    Haha. Explains why her makeup if often tragic. There may be no “right” or “wrong” way to applt makeup but there certainly is good and bad. Anyone recall the Oscars from a few years back when she literally made herself look like a raccoon?

    Gwen, whenever you have some free time in between playing Betty Crocker and trying to hold on to your disinterested husband, try watching a makeup tutorial on YouTube. There are literally thousands.

  23. jamie says:

    I agree with Ruby. I don’t get why everyone is attacking this woman. It was basic make-up, but I appreciated that. I have absolutely no make-up skill and was never taught by my mother so I find the simplest tips helpful.

  24. Shannon says:

    Oh God, I looked up how much the cleansing water costs. The cheapest price is $13 for an a 8.4 oz bottle, with retail prices around $20. For water mixed with flowers and green tea. That is absurd.

  25. Annaloo says:

    Go to youtube. You’ll find better tutorials, and people who really know their stuff. Gwyneth is a moron who doesn’t know when to keep her mouth shut.

  26. CooCoo Catchoo says:

    The best make-up application, IMHO, looks natural – it hides your flaws and enhances your assets without being obvious. Clear, properly cleaned and moisturized skin goes a long way, too. I use a little concealer, a little light bronzer on my cheeks, chin and forehead, a bit of gloss and mascara – I have tiny kids, so that’s about all I have time for. Never been a lipstick person (don’t have time or desire to reapply it constantly). As long as I don’t have the dreaded “foundation line,” I feel I’ve done a good job lol! PS – i use drug store skin care and cosmetics – good old Oil of Olay. Gotta make sure you replace it regularly so no bacteria – but because it’s inexpensive, it’s not a biggie. I always have trouble throwing out my old MAC stuff, though because it’s expensive.

  27. CooCoo Catchoo says:

    With all of the money GP has, she can eat organic, exercise regularly and get great skincare treatments. Those add up to good skin – if I had the money for that stuff, I wouldnt wear a drop of makeup.
    Her looks are her bread and butter – being up on fashion and make-up/hair trends should be a priority to her, no? But it’s also kind of cool that she needs a refresher sometimes – kinda like most women who lose touch with that stuff when they are raising kids πŸ™‚

  28. Heatheradair says:

    (oooh — good recommendation! checkout Pixiwoo’s YouTube channel for some of The Best Tutorials EVER. And they’re adorable little Brits with adorable little accents…..)

  29. Silk Spectre says:

    …and she isn’t capable of styling her hair properly either!

  30. Green_Eyes says:

    Hey GOOP, the 80’s called..Duran Duran wants their liner back ignorant hypocrite. I have parkinsons, sarcoid, and scleroderma and all affect my hands..yet when I have to go out & it’s not just to a family members house..I may take awhile, and I have my lil tricks I have taught my rehabilitation therapist (hair also for other patients), but you wouldnt know these hands put my make up on.. I get some are not into wearing it so are clueless.. But don’t assume everyone else is… (I cheat though;), only eye makeup..I tan so no concealed, foundation or blush..& use just a smidgen of mineral veile so I at least appear finished) lol.. If I tried to do the whole face…I would never have time for the hair or well wherever I’m going cuz if hairs not done that better be a hat event. Lol I gave up too many vices already.

    Oh GOOP…. What happened to the days you just stood pretty for the camera and collected your Oscar Nominations??

  31. Lila says:

    Whatever Gwyneth…I’d much rather get a makeup tutorial from someone like Charlize Theron

  32. Jayna says:

    I like her, but I still have this feeling she’s nearing 40 and knows the shelf life of an actress, save the few exceptions, and she’s keeping herself out there in the public eye for all its worth.

  33. meddi says:

    She has manhands in the 3rd picture. Stubby fingers.

  34. KaitX says:

    @IAMEROK thanks! Yes her tutorials are very good, the ironic thing is that I very rarely wear any makeup! Her superior skills are lost on me.

  35. Rachael says:

    Gweneth stories are boring.

  36. bitca says:

    Hard as it is to say something nice about GOOPy, to me she looks fine w/o cosmetics. Not a raving Beauty in any case, but lovely skin.

    Granted, I was/am dreadful w/makeup—so bad, that now it actually has an aging effect. Tho at 1st it was scary, can now comfortably go out for groceries w/nothing but lip-balm & moisturizer. If meeting a friend, minimal eye pencil, tinted lip balm, bit of mascara, tinted moisturizer—to show I made an Effort!

    Men have not complained, & my sense is, women go through the whole makeup routine mainly to please themselves. Which is great. But I love the new freedom of hydrate, comb hair, & go. Besides, if you’re so ham-fisted it’s a Challenge just to apply eyeshadow, less is more. And see how nice Kate Moss looks with less slap? The hard-core eye-liner & lipstick don’t do her any favors—which is my basic point.

    Besides, at 48-almost, am not ABOUT to lose time & lashes w/one of those Curler Thingies. Brows & eyelashes just too sparse by this age.

  37. original kate says:

    “Believe it or not, I am terrible at doing my own makeup.”

    i don’t believe it – dame fishsticks is a genius in every sphere of life.

    @kaitx: thanks! can you please ask your sister to do one on how to apply pretty eye makeup for gals who wear glasses?

  38. Jilliterate says:

    She blends her foundation with her hands? Ew. She seriously must be getting paid to recommend those brands, cause I’m kind of obsessed with makeup, and I’ve never heard of them. I understand not everyone can afford Guerlain or Chanel, but yeesh, she could at least recommend brands that are a bit more prolific.

  39. tmbg says:

    She’s definitely getting a tidy kickback from b-glowing for featuring their products. That’s how it works with the big blogs/vlogs out there. The companies send out either “PR samples” or sometimes pay the bloggers/vloggers to feature their goods, either through recommendations or just links.

    I love makeup and thought I would have enjoyed this, but it was a little dull. Funny how she chose someone who looks similar to herself to be the model too.

  40. Silk Spectre says:

    Nice! The 12 piece brush set she’s advertising only costs 375$. Now that’s what I call affordable^^

  41. Carolyn says:

    This one actually seems pretty harmless to me. I don’t think she was being terrible.

  42. KaitX says:

    @Original Kate, I’ll ask her!

  43. heidi says:

    wow, thank you, i totally agree w/this post. i also never leave the house w/out at least some eyebrows, mascara, blush and lipgloss and honestly, i can do it all in 5 minutes. there’s no excuse to leave home looking like crap.
    good post, love your blog!!

  44. Bambi says:

    “school mum” ::snort::

  45. gab says:

    I have an early appointment tomorrow morning. I am hoping that the goopster can advise me on the perfect way to brush my teeth! She is so clever and talented! I hope she can let me know of an affordable toothbrush…you know, something in the $500 range.

  46. Michelle says:

    I don’t think she’s a moron at all, or probably even a snob. When I was a kid, there were all these “thespians” in middle school. They spoke like total uptight weirdos, but it was just a clique-y thing for them to do. It totally annoyed me, but I wasn’t part of the clique. Anyhoo, Gwyneth speaks the same way, the same way her mother does, too. She was totally nice at the beginning of her tutorial, saying she hoped some of us would find it useful. I don’t- I’m a makeup drama queen, but I wasn’t offended by it at all. I like her. πŸ™‚

  47. AquaticMusings says:

    “Emma puts a smudge of mascara straight onto her hands and uses a tiny, flat-ended brush to apply. She starts at the root and moves to the tip of each eyelash, making sure to define every single lash.”


    Or she is fired.

    How can a woman who supposedly is a “great” chef/cook not be able to apply her own makeup? I find that strange. Probably just as strange as using a flat brush to apply mascara before, well, applying mascara.

  48. Sassy says:

    MAC Studio Fix, Harmony Blush, Stilla lipstick and shadow. That is all you need to know, folks. I read Goop’s tutorial and frankly, who has that much time? Slap on the studio fix, whip on the blush all over here and there with a big brush, some eye liner and maybe brows and mascara if you have time. You will look better than most women out there!

  49. DreamyK says:

    BS alert. All actors are vain. There is no way that woman doesn’t know how to do her own makeup. She was just pimping out her makeup person. Maybe they are having an affair. And Chris likes to watch. Awesome.

  50. DeeVine says:

    If you all hate her so much, why go click on the GOOP site? It’s meant for her fans who like her lifestyle “tips”or whatever that site is plugging.

    It’s like deliberately going for dinner at a restaurant that serves food that you absolutely hate, then coming out and complaining how bad the food was!

  51. JD says:

    Why does this woman try so hard to be in the news everyday. Her ridiculous comments make me sick. Wish she’d go away.

  52. Katija says:

    I actually don’t like Fishstick’s makeup. We have the same skintone, and I have had blonde hair her color and light brown hair. When my hair is her color, I avoid precise lines of black liner because it makes you look more squinty. She always has very precise black lines. Girl, use a soft brown pencil and smudge, and STOP GIVING PEOPLE ADVICE ON THINGS YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT!!!!

  53. Katija says:

    @Katix –

    Don’t feel bad. My brother owns a store that I pimp out in almost EVERY conversation I have. Your sister is adorable!!! πŸ™‚

  54. Trillion says:

    KaitX: I really enjoyed your sister’s blog. Esp. her “5 essential brushes” post. I have a tendency to buy everything (including non necessary items) so I need to learn to scale back to basics. Sephora employees know me by name when I walk in…

  55. Elena says:

    I don’t think that Gwyneth meant to offend anyone. And she’s certainly not preaching to the choir- her tutorial is basic for women with basic knowledge on make up. Believe it or not, to use the phrase, there are such.
    If somebody feels personally offended- it’s their problem.

  56. ZenB!tch says:

    Even my Goop loving friend was off put by this one.

    I didn’t read it she just told me about it so I thought she didn’t know how because she’s never had to do her own.

    At least she thinks we are like her. LOL.

  57. ZenB!tch says:

    @bitca I’m 42 my lashes rock. I don’t think it’s an age related thing. My mom always had sparse lashes.

  58. Audrey says:

    Off Topic: I think the best thing is having defined eyebrows. I always get compliments on my eyebrows which I grew out and I <3 them b/c they flatter my face.

    If you can, grow them out to a nice shape. Overly plucked/waxed spermy eyebrows or purposely done well spaced apart eyebrows just ruin your natural beauty. Remember to do the pencil trick in figuring out your eyebrows!:)

    If you can’t (like my bff), just lightly fill them. They make a difference! My bff forever has very thin and light eyebrows but she looks so different with them lightly filled in.

    O.T: I don’t care for Gwyneth but if her followers get some good makeup tips, then at least they gain something rather than “YOU ARE POOR AND WILL NEVER AFFORD DIAMOND CRUSTED $2K TOOTHPICKS THAT WILL MAKE YOUR GUESTS SWOON”.

  59. thestooges says:

    This whole Goop thing is whacky….
    Im agine the women who read and follow these newsletters its sad….
    and on a side note she like friends with livtyler who practically does the same s*** trying to tell you what flats to buy and what cream to put on your face and that woman (liv) came out of the bebe buells va ga ga (crazzy) who wrote that trashy so called
    ( true )autobiography rebel heart!!!! i mean…. the apples dont fall far from the trees ladies dont take advice from these nutty birds sad sad do your OWN make up …. and dont subscribe to this malarkey

  60. Adrien says:

    The only time I liked Gwyneth’s makeup was when she was playing Margot Tennenbaum.

  61. Celebitchy says:

    @Audrey, I agree about the eyebrows! Once I learned how to do mine in a nice shape and how to fill them in with powder and wax it made a huge difference. I also swear by eyebrow stencils, you can get some inexpensive ones by Ardell at some CVS stores.

  62. thestooges says:

    So this ia ctually still going? LADIES WTF GOOP newsletters????

    Do you really need this to learn how to live your life?
    they aARE NOT EVEN VERY GOOD newsletters….
    by not subscribing to this MESS you can change the way things work… frankly….. you look like idiots listening to this CRAP. can I say that on here?
    its just terrible


  63. Sarah says:

    I don’t get the connection between cooking and makeup — I’m a good cook, and rarely wear makeup, because I care about my family enjoying my cooking but don’t care if random people who see me when I’m doing my errands particularly enjoy looking at my face. :p

    I do think it’s a good point, though, that it’s silly to have the newsletter give advanced advice on some topics and beginner advice on others.