Does Tom want full custody of ironically-named baby Suri?

Star Magazine is reporting that Tom is breaking Katie’s heart by asking her to sign away custody rights to the newborn in case they break up:

The couple hasn’t married yet, but Tom told Katie that he wants full custody of the baby in case the two of them ever break up. Katie does not plan on granting Tom this wish. “The thought of handing the child over to Tom if they divorce breaks her heart,” a source close to Katie says. “And it shows her that Tom doesn’t think they’ll be together forever.” The issue of religion continues to be a big conflict for the couple, as well as their families.

Tom told ABC’s Diane Sawyer in a Primetime interview that the baby would not be baptized by a priest, which upset Katie’s parents. Katie seems to be worried about the changes, as well. A source tells Star, “Katie’s at a point of bewildered confusion.

She describes [converting to Scientology] like a personality transplant. One day she’s for it, and the next she’s terrified of morphing into someone else. She whispers into the phone that Tom and his people – she calls them “Team Tom” – are promising her the world if she’ll put her old life – and all the people in it – into the past.

That’s scary as hell and maybe Katie will be able to eventually get her old self, and her child – out of that oppressive environment. I can’t imagine my husband asking me to sign away custody rights – right after the baby was born! How evil.

Meanwhile the name the couple picked out of a baby book may not mean what they think it does. According to language experts, the name Suri is totally ironic:

Language experts are amazed TOM CRUISE and KATIE HOLMES have named their baby daughter SURI – because there is no record of the name meaning “Princess” in Hebrew. According to Hebrew linguists, Suri has only two meanings – one is a person from Syria and the other [means] “go away” when addressed to a female. Hebrew expert JONATHAN WENT says, “I think it’s fair to say they have made a mistake here. There are variations of the way the Hebrew name for princess is spelt but I have never seen it this way.” Suri can also be translated into a Hindi boy’s name, and it also means “pointy nose” in some Indian dialects and “pickpocket” in Japanese.

So whenever someone says the name “Suri,” they’re really telling the little girl to go away. That’s what the Scientologists have been doing to the real Katie all along.

Header picture [via]

Update: This is post number 666. Spooky.

Another Update: Reader Carrie, who hooks us up a lot, has pointed out that lists the origin of “Suri” as Armenian. Carrie writes:

I found that whilst the name does mean ‘Go Away’ in Hebrew, it also means ‘Mother of the Sun’ in Sanskrit, and the most commonly used meaning is ‘Wealthy’ in Armenian.

“Wealthy” – that’s accurate.

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4 Responses to “Does Tom want full custody of ironically-named baby Suri?”

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  1. xiaoecho says:

    you did the 666 thing on PURPOSE

  2. celebitchy says:

    I swear I did not.

  3. Mary Box says:

    You can’t be 31457 serious?!?

  4. Anonymous says:

    fetchingly Yuh hideously disproved schema.rampart quaff: