Anna Nicole unable to comprehend how f’d up her life is


Anna Nicole Smith was indeed served eviction papers by yet another man who could potentially be Dannielynne’s father, as we reported yesterday.

It turns out that Anna was banging a guy in Florida at the same time she got sperminated by the most likely candidate, paparrazi photographer Larry Birkhead. The other guy was a wealthy old real estate developer, and true to form Anna tried to pin the pregnancy on him since he has more cash and she’s still waiting for the over half a billion she thinks she’s owed for being married to a 89 year-old man for just over a year.

The other guy, Gaither Ben Thompson, told Anna that there’s no way he could be the father of her baby since he’s had a vasectomy. Anna was forced to admit to him that the baby was Birkhead’s:

Sources say in May of this year, Anna Nicole contacted Thompson to say that he was the father of her soon-to-be-born baby girl. It’s especially interesting because we’re told that Anna Nicole had contacted people familiar with Thompson inquiring about his wealth. That’s when Thompson dropped a bombshell — that it was impossible for him to father a baby because he had already had a vasectomy. Days later, sources say Anna Nicole confessed to Thompson that Larry Birkhead was the father. Birkhead, an entertainment photographer who had a relationship with Anna Nicole, has filed legal papers in Los Angeles to establish paternity.

What’s more, Anna was hanging out with her creepy lawyer, Howard K. Stern, down in Florida at the same time she was screwing Thompson. This lends credence to Larry Birkhead’s claim that Howard is just Anna’s buddy and methadone supplier and there’s no way he’s the father of her newborn.

The house worth $1 million where Anna is staying in the Bahamas, and upon which her residency depends since she claims to be a homeowner, is owned by Thompson.

Thompson gave her the house in August because he felt sorry for her and expected to be paid back. Indeed, Anna seems to have netted enough from photo ops to be able to afford mortgage payments, but Thompson says she hasn’t given him anything and has to get out by October 31st.

If Anna gets deported to the states because she no longer has a house in the Bahamas she could be legally forced to get paternity testing due to Larry Birkhead’s lawsuit. Anna and Howard claim the baby is Howard’s due to “timing,” but have refused to submit to any DNA tests. Anna and Howard did not show up for a meeting in the Bahamas with Birkhead’s lawyer on Monday, making it seem like they’re avoiding the paternity issue at all costs.

The complexity of Anna’s situation is probably completely lost to her, but at least the methadone is taking the edge off. She took 39 days to bury her son Daniel after he died of a drug interaction in her hospital room. She wailed unconsolably at the funeral, and asked the funeral director if she could take her dead son’s corpse home for a warm bath.

It’s hard to imagine how the Anna Nicole Smith saga could get any more Shakespearean. (Unless Daniel was the father of her baby, Howard was really a woman, and all of them go to jail. That sounds like a fitting outcome.)

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15 Responses to “Anna Nicole unable to comprehend how f’d up her life is”

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  1. Mr. T says:

    This woman gets way too much publicity. She has a big L over her forehead. Leave the trash out in the dumpster from now on please.

  2. julie says:

    are you kidding! This is the greatest stuff that is not on a soap opera! Next thing, she will get amnesia! Sometimes I feel sorry for her, and sometimes I cant believe how famous she is for white trash, but every day its something! I do feel sorry for her kids, i mean one is very mysteriously dead and the other one has multiple or no daddies…. but god its a guilty pleasure for sure… my life is SO great compared to hers.

  3. chic mommy says:

    It’s not entirely impossible for a man with a vasectomy to impregnate a woman. I’ve heard of several stories where men were able to get their wives (or the girlfriends they were cheating on their wives with) pregnant even after a vasectomy. sometimes the vasectomy doesn’t completely take, it’s hardly 100% effective birth control.

    Anna’s next step should be to appear on the Maury Povich Show and get a paternity test for Dannilynn. Maury’s a veteran on solving the dillemma of “I don’t know who my baby’s daddy is!” .

  4. Viv says:

    Do you guys remember that show where they made Baby Daddies sit in a chair and take a lie detector test and the screen would show a red for lying and a green for not lying? I remember on that show, there was one lady who started beating the shit out of her philandering spouse. I’m surprised he signed the waiver of consent for it to be aired. I mean, damn. I wish someone would do that to ANS.

  5. Melissa says:

    I would love it if there was a channel on tv that did DNA testing around the clock. I would probably never sleep! Seriously, there are so many people who don’t know the father of their child or children that the show would never go off the air! Good watchin! Maybe Anna Nicole could start this show up since she would totally relate to the guests. She would actually be working and earing money too! It’s an idea!

  6. cheryl says:

    ANNA HAS REALLY SHOWN HER TRUE COLORS, HASN’T SHE ! SHE A PSYCHOPATHIC LIAR AND WILL STOP AT NOTHING FOR THAT EXTRA DIME ! AND THAT SLEEZE AND NO GOOD FOR NOTHING HOWARD IS THE BIGGEST PHONEY ANY OF US RUN ACROSS YET…YOU CAN ALSO SACK HIM IN THE BAG AS A BIG TIME LIAR !!! I’VE SAID RIGHT FROM THE BEGINNING, THAT HE’S RESPONSIBLE FOR DANNY’S DEATH…REMEMBER THAT FATEFUL DAY WHEN ANNA FOUND HIM DEAD AND SCREAMED “YOU CAUSED THIS !!” “YOU CAUSED THIS!!” “YOU CAUSED THIS!!” WELL WHO WAS THAT MYSTERIOUS PERSON IN THE ROOM WITH HER WHEN SHE SAID ALL THAT ? NONE OTHER THAN “HOWARD K. STERN” HE GAVE HIM THE METH, AS HE’S BEEN DOING FOR ANNA ! HE’S HER SUPPLIER AND IT’S A VERY WELL KNOWN FACT !! I CAN’T WAIT TO SEE THE SMIRK WIPED OFF HIS UGLY FACE AS HE SPENDS THE REST OF HIS LIFE IN JAIL !!! LARRY BIRKHEAD IS THE FATHER OF THAT BABY AND HE HAS EVERY RIGHT TO BE TOTALLY IN HER LIFE ! GO LARRY GO !! GET THAT DNA ! AND GO FOR FULL CUSTODY !! YOU’LL MAKE A WONDERFUL FULL TIME DAD !! HE BETTER DO IT QUICK, AS I’M SURE HOWARD K. STERN TAKES ANOTHER LIFE AND HE WILL ! HE’LL PROBABLY END UP KILLING ANNA ! WATCH YOUR BACK ANNA ! YOU’RE LIVING WITH A MURDERER !

  7. Alexi says:

    oh my this celeb bitchy post is genearting some HEAT

    ms CB, divine creature, where the heck do u get all this grand dirt dish???

    OK – like doesn’t anyone ever worry about HIV? I suppose meth addicts dont’ and just bang bang away!

    She is a DISASTOR in like 48 size font. Trailerpark ugh. cannot stand it. wackaddooooodle do.

    Howard K Stern completely gives me the creeps. He is slime city!

  8. Viv says:

    I mean seriously, is he that bad? So he is a meth dealer, a crooked lawyer, he’s a murderer, he’s a slut, he’s a maybe baby daddy, a liar, a swindler, and an opportunist. What’s the problem!?

  9. Fag is a mean word says:

    I think the Bahamian police have closed the case. I don’t think anyone’s going to jail for murder, cheryl.

  10. JT says:

    WOW, I Mean WOW.

  11. cujokay says:

    This entire situation is sad, tacky and disturbing.

    All of AN’s antics are troublesome, but by far the worse is waiting 39 days to bury her child.

    Has she ever given a reason for waiting over a month to lay Daniel to rest? Tacky, tacky, tacky!

    On top of that, she’s buried poor Daniel in the Bahamas and it looks like she’s about to get kicked out of “her” Bahamian home. So is she going to leave Daniel there or uproot him (sorry for lack of better word) and take him everywhere she goes?

  12. d'oh! says:

    Why haven’t she & stern been charged with murder?

  13. kelly says:

    so, i think if anna kills herself, which she will due to her own vapid bullshittery, then maybe her baby can go to madonna. then later woody allen can give the wee one a little daddy love of his own. why is it that hollywood is like, omg, so obsessed with their genitals and other people’s babies? i used to think anna had a fighting chance… but she really is beyond salvation.

  14. matty b says:

    well she’s dead now so you can cool all of your nasty comments against her… she is nothing more than a victim of the hollywood machine and a money grubbing lawyer.. I mean what did she ever do to you? Now she’s most likely murdered and silenced so all of the trash talking can finally be put to rest… People love to tear her down but honestly she did a lot to come out of her white trash roots and make a name for herself..
    i love you Anna..!

  15. Ron Austin says:

    “It’s hard to imagine how the Anna Nicole Smith saga could get any more Shakespearean.”

    Well, now there’s just her child. The mother is dead, the father is unknown, and a 5 month old is sole heir to a fortune perhaps worth 400 million dollars. And then there’s the “counsel” who many suspect orchestrated it all. Hamlet? King Lear?