Cynthia Nixon: “Everybody likes to dump on the bisexuals”

Yesterday there was a lot of debate over comments that Cynthia Nixon made to the NY Times in which she asserted that it was her “choice” to be gay. Many gay people find those remarks potentially damaging to the gay community, as they can be misused to make the claim that all gay people “chose” to be with same sex partners. Well Cynthia did make the distinction that her comments only applied to her situation, and I thought she made a good case. She said, in part, “they said [the remarks in a speech I made imply] that homosexuality can be a choice. And for me, it is a choice. I understand that for many people it’s not, but for me it’s a choice, and you don’t get to define my gayness for me.” Fair enough, but a lot of people wonder why Cynthia doesn’t self identify as bisexual if she feels that it’s her “choice” to be with a woman instead of a man. In an interview with The Daily Beast, Cynthia kind-of explains that.

You’ve been quoted as saying about these two relationships in your life: “In terms of sexual orientation, I don’t really feel I’ve changed … I’ve been with men all my life and I’d never fallen in love with a woman. But when I did, it didn’t seem so strange. I’m just a woman in love with another woman.” I’m a bit confused. Were you a lesbian in a heterosexual relationship? Or are you now a heterosexual in a lesbian relationship? That quote seemed like you were fudging a bit.
It’s so not fudging. It’s so not. I think for gay people who feel 100 percent gay, it doesn’t make any sense. And for straight people who feel 100 percent straight, it doesn’t make any sense. I don’t pull out the “bisexual” word because nobody likes the bisexuals. Everybody likes to dump on the bisexuals.
But it is the “B” in LGBT.

CN: I know. But we get no respect

You just said “we,” so you must self-identify as one.
I just don’t like to pull out that word. But I do completely feel that when I was in relationships with men, I was in love and in lust with those men. And then I met Christine and I fell in love and lust with her. I am completely the same person and I was not walking around in some kind of fog. I just responded to the people in front of me the way I truly felt…

Look, I understand for political reasons why some people want to kind of squelch this idea that being gay might be a choice, because a lot of the rights we want are posited on the supposition that why are you denying me my rights any more than if I were created a different color? But I don’t feel the need to cede the definition of what a gay person is to the bigots. They don’t get to define who I am.

[From The Daily Beast]

I like that she’s asserting that she can call herself gay if she wants, and that no one else can tell her who she is. I also get how this can really piss off gay people, because it can be a hard fight for some people to be accepted for how they know they were born. It seems sad that being bisexual is still a dirty word today, especially for men. I wish there was greater acceptance that our sexuality is on a continuum and that there are people in the middle. It was refreshing when Anna Paquin came out as bisexual, because it was just so rare to hear.

Cynthia is also bald as a badger (I’ve never heard that phrase before, but google suggested it and I thought it was cute.) She’s starring as a cancer victim in the play Wit. Instead of just wearing a skull cap, Cynthia really did shave off all her hair. She told The Daily Beast that she doesn’t like her new look. “I think I look like Ralph Fiennes as Lord Voldemort. Or maybe Nosferatu.” Cynthia is a breast cancer survivor after being diagnosed with early stage cancer almost five years ago. She seems to have beaten it with a lumpectomy and she still takes Tamoxifen.

Photo from ABC via OMG!. She is shown with hair on 12-13-11 credit:

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114 Responses to “Cynthia Nixon: “Everybody likes to dump on the bisexuals””

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  1. Zigggy says:

    Props for shaving her head- that is so brave.

    • Capella says:

      Cynthia has always been brave and daring. Taking on roles that do not “pretty her up”.

      Pardon my political comparison, but it seems in America you are supposed to stick to one or the other. You are either a Democrat or a Republican. You cannot be something else. And you get HELL if you decide to change teams, when people were counting on your vote!

      She is an American, and practicing her right to simply be, as an American citizen, not some third-world poor country under religious oppression… Oh wait… I think we’ve been heading there for a while now.

      Can’t wait for religious zealots to vote for women covering their hair. Isn’t it how it started in that other country too? Religious oppression, extreme religious-butting-in-politics regulations, then women covering up in public… That started some 70 years ago in Iran, if I’m not mistaken. Scares me where we’re heading.

      • The Bechdel Test says:

        Props for the shaved head? I think it looks terrible but each to her own I guess.

      • Cirque28 says:

        @The Bechdel Test: She shaved her head for a play. Not everything we do to ourselves is done in an attempt to look better.

    • Asli says:

      Agree with both.

      • Me says:

        She had the option of using a skull cap but, she chose to shave it all. She shouldn’t complain.

    • Zelda says:

      Haha–well, typically I’d reserve the word “brave” for, say, the troops, or people who jump on the subway tracks to save someone, or something. But she IS probably putting herself at a greater risk for cold and flu 😉

      • seamonster says:

        I absolutely think she is brave!!! No one said she was a “hero”… just brave! When girls shave their heads, they get a lot of shit for it! In this society, a females identity is often tide to her hair, not by choice, but by how we are raised… to walk around with a shaved head you feel extremely exposed, there is nothing to hide behind… I think that when I did it I was BRAVE, and that any other girl who does it for other reasons is brave as well. And if a guy has had hair all of this life, and his hair is a big part of his identity and how he defines himself, and he decides to shed that identity and expose himself to the world by shaving his head as well… then he is brave too! putting yourself out there is hard! it would be way easier for her to take the easier way out, but how could she convincibly play someone with cancer without putter herself in the same place? would YOU shave your head?

  2. Lol says:

    Badgers have loads of hair 😀

  3. for real? says:

    as a member of the gay community, bisexuals really do unfaily get a lot of crap, many lesbians on some of the blogs i freguent have alot of negative feed back about bisexuals, and i think judge them harder than most strait people. I didnt post yesterday b/c i knew it would be a senditive issue, however. as a lesbian i do understand why this may seem like such a bad thing to say in the gay community, but this is cynthia journey, she fell in love with this one woman, and for all she know she may never fall in love with another woman gain, so i get why she says it was her choice.

    • Zelda says:

      As someone who self-identifies as bisexual, I promise, we get a lot of crap with the LGBT community. You are accused of either railing against being “fully” gay, or of being in some kind of experimental phase. (usually the former for men and the latter for women). There’s the definite feeling that no one will take you seriously in the community until you “choose one”.

      And if I hear the phrase “bi-curious” used one more time… I’m not curious. I’ve done it. It is an integrated part of who I am. A person’s need for me to be “fully” gay seems to be more about their own issues of self-identification. So don’t dump it on me.

      Bi is totally the left-out kid on the LGBT playground.

      • Jackie says:

        Yes, exactly!

      • TheOriginalVictoria says:

        I’m not going to lie when I was younger, I felt like being bi meant you were double dipping and you needed to make a choice because I didn’t want to be with a man who was with a man. I still don’t, but at the same time I have changed my views about bisexuality. There are people who are more fluid than others. But a lot of my lesbian friends do talk shit about bisexual women. So much shits. My gay guy friends are not that bad.

      • Gigi says:

        I’ve never really understood why the gay community isn’t all that accepting when it comes to bisexuals. This whole issue is often made out to be a 2-dimensional gay-or-straight, yes-or-no, black-or-white situation and life just isn’t like that. I’ve always felt that between gay and straight, there are a hundred different shades of gray. There are so many people in the world and we’re all wired differently. I like the idea of a society in which a person can be attracted to another person without the limits of gender.

      • Moi says:

        Couldn’t have said it better myself. Bisexual is NOT the same as Bi-Curious. I’m not exploring my sexuality or toying with people. I fall for the person and it doesn’t matter what “equipment” they may or may not have. Furthermore, when I’m in a relationship, I’m in the relationship…period. I’m committed to making it work.

        I thought Cynthia’s comments were right on target. The community, mainly the lesbians, like to give “the B in LGBT” grief. If you’re in a relationship and your partner dumps you for another person, man or woman, the issue is that you got dumped. The relationship is over. The issue is NOT who they left you for (man or woman). If a lesbian gets dumped by her girlfriend for another woman, it’s acceptable, but if it’s for a man, she was just a damn bicurious bisexual, effing around with you and your head. WTH?!!

      • Lee says:

        Yeah, I definitely come across more ‘bi-bashing’ on the lesbian blogs I read than anywhere else. And while I’m totally on board with Cynthia’s right to self-identify however she wants, and am fully aware that sexuality is fluid for some people (she may have only been interested in men before and is only interested in women now. totally valid), but it seems mildly hypocritical that she doesn’t want to let bigots define homosexuality, but in a way she’s allowing bigots within the LGBT community define it by caving to their bi-phobia.

        I think the major issue that a lot of lesbians get all riled up over is that a lot of society doesn’t take our sexuality seriously. If I kiss my wife in public, men whistle as if it’s a show for them. And straight girls who make-out in bars for male attention make it worse. So I understand why people get offended by fake-bisexuality, but there are plenty of true bisexuals out there and they end up getting the brunt of the hate.

      • ZenB!tch says:

        I think that is what Cynthia is saying that she chose to be (labelled) gay even though in her heart of hearts she knows she is bi. She chose that because she didn’t want to deal with the bi stuff. I don’t know that much about lesbian culture or issues. I have one friend who is a lesbian and I am not about to ask her to be my token lesbian expert. I have about 10 gay guy friends and yeah, they don’t like bisexuals. They feel like it’s cheating.

    • lainerz says:

      I couldn’t agree more about getting grief for being bi. I’m not confused, nor am I going through a phase. I am truly right in the middle of the Kinsey scale. I get so frustrated because people assume that now that I am married to a man that I am straight. I am not! Nor would I be gay if I was married to a woman.

  4. for real? says:

    ohh i think the bald head is cute!!!

    • Photo JoJo says:

      I couldn’t agree more. People act like bi is just a stop on the way to gay. It’s hard being the “redheaded step child” of a movement.

  5. INeedANap says:

    I really like what she said. I agree with you that sexuality is a continuum, and a basic binary system of sexuality is not sufficiently complex to describe who we fall in love with. I hope Mizz Nixon is loved up, happy, and ignoring the h8ers.

  6. TheOriginalKitten says:

    It’s too bad she can’t speak for herself without getting cast as “The Gay Representative”. She was very careful to say that this was how SHE felt and that she’s not speaking on behalf of the gay community. I wish people would just respect her opinion as HER opinion and move on.

    • Str8Shooter says:

      You’re missing the entire point, Kitten. Yesterday, she’s gay. Today, she’s bisexual.

      Oh…and she’s got a PLAY to promote. Riggghhhttttt.

      • Zelda says:

        I think in both interviews, she said quite clearly that she dislikes the term bisexual for herself, because when she is with a man, she is straight, and when she is with a woman, she is gay. That’s her own self-identification.

  7. spinner says:

    She needs to take a seat.

  8. Krill says:

    Face reality, Cynthia. You can’t call yourself something different because you don’t like how people respond to you when you identify with that, whatever it is, which in this case is bisexual. Imagine if she were black but refused to call herself that, instead saying she was “ethnic” or “tanned” (or whatever) and had said, “I don’t pull out the ‘black’ word because nobody likes the blacks. Everybody likes to dump on the blacks. … We get no respect.”

    You can’t be something else because you like that other word better! Acknowledge what you are, stand up for what you are, and GROW UP!

    • Mimi says:

      Actually, she can be and say whatever she wants.

      • TheOriginalKitten says:

        That’s exactly what I was going to say, Mimi. Nixon (and anyone else for that matter) can call herself whatever she wants, Krill. If a black person didn’t identify with being black and decided to call him/herself “ethnic” I wouldn’t have a problem with it. They can call themselves “purple” for all I care. *sigh* Semantic disputes exhaust me.

    • Krill says:

      Words have meaning, and if you all want to pretend that they don’t, that’s fine, that’s your choice. But it’s my opinion that to pretend otherwise is naive.

      • TheOriginalKitten says:

        Krill-obviously words have meaning, SUBJECT to peoples’ different interpretations. If you believe as a human race, we all must interpret things exactly the same way, then I feel sorry for you. Words are not defined by one person nor should they ever be. It’s free speech and if you don’t like what people have to say, you can always chose to ignore. She specifically said that this was how SHE defined her sexuality FOR HERSELF. How much more clear could she have been? Are you saying that you are here to define HER sexuality for HER?

  9. Franny says:

    I’m still confused about why people are getting upset about this because she is defining HER experience. Not yours, your gay friends or your family members. This is HER feelings about who she is attracted to.

    Trust, I’m very supportive of the gay community, but that also means that they should be supportive of bisexuals. Why can’t we all just get along and let people love who they want to love? Its seriously baffeling to me that there are people in this country who want to not let people love each other.

    Separation of church and state please.

  10. Coucou says:

    When i need to have a talk about my sex life (with my man), it’s a pretty big deal: i rehearse how i’m gonna say it, think about his potential remarks, and think about the purpose of the discussion and what i hope to achieve…so it really freakin’ pisses me off when people butt in with their unsolicited opinions, the bigots that Cynthia refers to. My sex life is MY life and i refuse to let it be dictated to me by anyone else, so THANK YOU Cynthia for having the courage to speak up on this issue. To hell with the Sex Nazis!

  11. Sal says:

    She’s making it even harder for bisexuals by saing even she doesn’t like using that word, even though she IS one.

  12. meme says:

    Love Cynthia! Smart, Bold, Brave.

  13. Eleonor says:

    The point is: she is speaking for herself, not for anyone else, and if she wants to define her experience as lesbian,bisexual or qzwsexual she has the right to do it.

  14. Cathy says:

    It’s her life, she can describe herself however she likes and feels comfortable with. So get off her ass, she’s only speaking about herself.

  15. M3l says:

    I don’t think it matters what anyone LGBT says, if people want to twist it, they’ll find a way.

    Almost 5 years! Tamoxifen usually ends around the 5 year clear mark, I hope she’s getting close to that, the side effects drove my mum up the wall.

  16. k says:

    She should write an effin book. She thinks way too highly of herself.

  17. Jackie says:

    I have experienced nothing but negative judgement from gay women/men and straight women/men when I tell them I am bisexual.

    I have actually stopped using the word too due to this (this does not mean I hide sexuality).

    Good for her for raising this issue!

    • Zelda says:

      Ditto. I posted upthread about it in comment #3.

    • Ayria says:

      I’m bisexual and I think there is a negative aspect of being bisexual because it’s become a trend and the person isn’t really bisexual at all. It’s just a way for them to get attention and to appear cool and different.

      • embertine says:

        Don’t worry Ayria, the current trend for silly little girls on the internet is to say they are asexual. Apparently the pendulum has swung the other way and now it’s cool to be, just, like, so ABOVE that whole sexual thing, you know?

        Bisexuality is SOOOOO 2008. 😉

    • Erinn says:

      Good for her for raising the issue… but she’s a celebrity. She has the power to bring a more positive light to the word bisexual, and she chooses not to. Instead she too cowers at the thought of being ragged on for saying she is one. I think she’s got a good start in bringing the issue up, but she shouldn’t allow the public to make her feel inferior to label herself as what she is. I agree that she can label herself anyway she wants, but she had a moment where she could try to positively back up the bisexual community and she didn’t step up fully.

    • TheOriginalKitten says:

      Zelda & Jackie-Y’all should have gone to art school like me. In college the heteros were more of a curiosity than gays/bis.

  18. Bubbling says:

    Regardless of her opinion, I must say I admire her for not instantly issued an apology and back down everything she said 24h ago. And also, respect *Ali G voice for bald head!

  19. lucy2 says:

    She’s pretty clear that she’s only talking about her life and experience, and says it’s not the same for everyone. I don’t know why anyone would be bothered by that.

  20. mel says:

    Personally I think the media gives this type of gay issue WAY to much coverage. She is gay or however she wants to define herself…she is getting a forum to be way up her own ass.

  21. Twez says:

    She shaved her head for a lead part on Broadway (the play, “Wit”). I don’t know if that is particularly “brave.”

  22. Findley says:

    She fell in love with a woman and decided (made a choice) to be with her. Who needs a definition.

  23. ella says:

    I don’t know if this is a cultural difference (I’m not American myself), but I just find this need to label and define everything and everyone so strange.

    It’s as if you need to accept some official definition of “gay”, “straight” or “bisexual” and then stick to that for the rest of your life.

    And it’s not just the straight folks that are overly interested in labeling other people’s sexuality, to me it seems the gay community can be just as close-minded about this issue, if not even more.

    Strange indeed.

    • Justaposter says:

      Very well said.

      However here in PC America, you can hardly hiccup without offending someone.

      Each group wants everyone to be this way or you have to be that way.. what the hell happened to just being you?

  24. Erandyn says:

    What really gets me is that people not only interview her about her sex life (which they wouldn’t care about if she were straight), but then they put her in the position of suddenly being the representative of the entire gay community, who will now bicker about “misrepresentation” if there’s anything that all 100% of them don’t totally relate to, and the anti-gay bigots will bicker about it on general principle.

    I mean, can you imagine: “In latest news, Angelina discusses her relationship with Brad, speaking of course as a representative for the straight community.” ? Honestly, wtf is wrong with people??

  25. barb333 says:

    So, I post on yesterdays story that she’s bi and should just accept it. Who cares as long as she’s happy and so many people disagreed. Sorry but I feel very vindicated!

  26. jc126 says:

    I like that she didn’t apologize for HER feelings and self-definition.

  27. sarah says:

    I’m bisexual. Not by choice but because I’m naturally attracted to men and women. I do choose to currently be in a heterosexual relationship but that does not make me straight. If I wasn’t with him, I’d probably choose to be with another woman in a relationship. So yeah, I can kind of understand where she’s coming from. As a bisexual, you do have a choice of what kind of relationship you are in. That doesn’t mean you chose to be attracted to both sexes.

  28. HA! says:

    You know what…I’M STARTING THE “HETEROSEXUALS VICTIM CLUB” because everyone with a.sexual dissability envies us and makes us to be tirants and judgemental monsters. Geez! Shut il already, who cares if you are a bi, a homo or whatever, in this day and age you’re still trying to push your agenda to make heterosexuals be seen as an enemy. You can litterally f*ck whatever or whomever and keep your identity without having to make a circus out of it!

    • barb333 says:

      “Sexual disability”? What are you talking a about? EDUCATE YOURSELF. I’m actually embarrassed for you @Ha

    • Zelda says:

      I’m thinking that if you’re still using the word “homo”, then you are not up-to-date on the issues, anyway.

    • embertine says:

      In this day and age, Ha, there are still bi, gay, ace and trans people all over the world, including in the US, who get beaten, raped, murdered, and denied employment and housing because of their gender and/or sexual identity.

      So you may not care, but there are obviously plenty of straight people who care enough to make the life of anyone different from them a misery, and until that changes, we will not be silenced just because it makes you uncomfortable.

      When you say you don’t care, I suspect what you mean is that you can’t be bothered to listen because it doesn’t affect you personally. Good luck living in a world where everyone thinks like that.

      If your spelling is any indication of your general intelligence and level of education, then I think you may have just proven our point for us.

    • Katija says:

      Dammit, Rick Santorum! You are in the middle of an election process! Get off the gossip blogs and get back to work!!!

  29. TheOriginalVictoria says:

    I thought sexual disability was like if you couldn’t get it up not what you went up in.

  30. TheOriginalKitten says:

    On the second day of college I met my best friend who promptly informed me that she had relationships with both men and women. Over the past 15 years that we have been friends I have seen her date men and women, but mostly women with the love of her life being a woman. Over the years, I would ask her if she identified as a “Full Lez” (kidding obviously) and last I checked, she said she refused to label her sexuality and that she loves people, period. However, she also said that she envisions herself ending up with a woman. *shrugs* This makes perfect sense to me. I never questioned what she said nor did I think “oh then she must *technically* be gay”. Apparently some of you people would have put a gun to her head and demand that she committ to a label. I firmly think that the need to group people into a label/category arises from fear of the unknown. People just don’t know how to react or absorb anything unless they can compartmentalize…kind of sad when you think of it.

    • Zelda says:

      One of my dear friends, for nearly 15 years now, only recently realised I was bi. (we’ve lived in different cities and countries for some time) She said she didn’t know any actual bisexuals. I awkwardly cleared my throat.

      “How come you never said anything?”
      “I’m still waiting for your ‘I’m hetero’ speech.” I replied.

      She adjusted pretty quickly, but for asking “So…does that mean you have had crushes on (our little female group)?”
      Sigh. No. It doesn’t work that way. You are straight. I don’t know how to explain this concept to people…

      • TheOriginalKitten says:

        Ha ha..that is hilarious, Zelda. Yeah it’s almost inevitable that people will start with the assumption that you automatically want to have sex with every female you encounter. My best friend always tells me that for the most part, she’s not attracted to straight girls because she largely finds them to be vapid and boring. And here I am proving her dead-wrong about our superficiality on this gossip site…wait a minute….

      • Zelda says:

        Haha–aw now that’s not fair to straight girls…
        It’s really just chemistry or a lack thereof. Gaydar, maybe. But (in my experience) whether it’s little unconscious signals, or hormones flying through the air, or who knows what, I just feel asexual around straight women and gay men. I have never had a crush on either.

        It always bewilders me when, say, a woman proclaims to be infatuated with a gay guy they know. Kiss him one time, and I guarantee you will not be infatuated any more. Kissing someone with the wrong hormones is like kissing your sibling.

      • Mr.Smurf says:

        That’s what I said when my pastor was talking about the repeal of “don’t ask, don’t tell”. He pretty much said in between the lines that gays are going to be looking at their fellow soldiers in the showers. Not every woman he saw, he wanted to sleep with…why isn’t that the way with gays?
        I for one (though raised in the most conservative BAPTIST CHURCH EVER) find it hard to understand how being gay is a choice. I get that for a few people it may be. But why would someone willingly choose a different sexuality, when a lot of people would then disown them for it.
        Though I do believe in Jesus Christ, and am a true Christian I think that my pastor, everyone else against gays (marriage, adopting, etc) need to realize that we live in America where you have the freedom to be whoever you want as long as it does not kill or abuse anyone. Same with gay marriage. As long as churches aren’t forced to marry a gay couple, then they should be able to get married…though you get marriage licenses from gov., and the church is just a ceremony.
        It just drives me crazy when I hear crap from christians about gays or anyone who don’t live like they live. Yes, the Bible is very clear about homosexuality. For me I personally do not care that you’re gay, and have a some gay friends, and don’t think that you’re going to hell because you’re not married at 20, stay at home mom with a 1 year old and another one on the way. Christians forget that the greatest thing in the world (according to the bible) is charity. Unconditional love for EVERYONE. If you don’t love your enemy, then you don’t love God. Case closed.
        Just thoughts from a 17 year old, sorry for rambling ladies.

  31. DomCoug says:

    Bisexuals have always gotten a bad rap. Snobbery it what it is.. plain and simple SNOBBERY AND HYPOCRISY. If one likes chicks AND dudes they are a criminal.. it IS possible to completely be in love with either of the sexes no matter your own gender. Lets stop naming and labeling shit and just love and fondle eachother already! >:|

  32. Newtsgal says:

    Bisexuals are just greedy

    • embertine says:

      Haha! That was super funny the first thirty times I heard it! Oh no wait, it wasn’t.

      • The Bobster says:

        Yes, it is. Your type makes a living off being “offended” and uses it as an weapon to shut others up.

        I used to have a bisexual coworker. Everyone said he had twice the chance of getting lucky went he arrived in a new town.

    • Newtsgal says:

      Lighten up Em…..
      Thanks Bobster, nice to see some people can have a little humor now-a-days

      • Franny says:

        yeah, it super funny to make fun of something so personal and innate as sexual orientation. next please make fun of the women and black people. ITS JUST IN GOOD FUN, RIGHT?!

      • Newtsgal says:

        Yeah…you’re right about one thing.
        Sexual life style & orientation are private and should be kept private. It’s nobodys busy what someone else does in the privacy of their own home. That being said, I don’t think people should get special treatment for their life choices. Should I get special treatment and tax breaks if I like dildos and anul beads?
        And since you want to be all PC on me shouldn’t you have written African-American?

      • Franny says:

        Newtsgal: No one is asking for special treatment or tax breaks because of their sexual orientation. The LGBT community is only asking for the same rights as the heterosexual community. I don’t see how they should be denied those rights.

        I know how pointless this is, to argue with ignorant people on gossip sites, but I have always held the readers here to a higher level and so I’m disappointed when I see people like you being so bigotted towards others.

      • Newtsgal says:

        You’re so funny!
        You say you want to hold people to a higher standard but yet you attack me and call me ignorant and a bigot, without knowing one thing about me or my lifestyle.
        I happen to agree with what Ella (23) says….Labels are stupid, I also believe its stupid for the LGBT to demand that everybody should except their chosen lifestyle. For thousands of years there has been gays, and for thousands of years there has been people who except them and ones who don’t. Nobody gay or straight has the right to force THEIR beliefs on anyone.
        And for the record…..I’M BISEXUAL!
        So, get off your highhorse and take a frickin’ chill pill!

      • Zelda says:

        You compared homoexuality with anal beads and you are bisexual? I call shenanigans.

        Sexual orientation is not a fetish so…

        Am I missing something here?

      • Newtsgal says:

        *****banging head on desk*****
        That’s what you took away from what I wrote?
        Dear God….. people ya’ll really need to get a grip!
        This is a gossip website that we all sit in here each day picking and poking and making fun of, tearing down lives and loves, clothes, shoes, who they date, lifestyle, and what they name their babies.
        And yet you get so defensive and attack a person making a joke.
        Pot… kettle…’re black!

      • Franny says:

        *African American

      • Zelda says:

        Sorry I really don’t think I’m following that above comment is all.

      • Zelda says:

        Also, Franny–hahaha
        But I think we should allow the kettle to self- identify.

    • Newtsgal says:

      I just found the funniest thing you should know FRANNY….
      I just clicked on your name to reply and I was linked to

  33. Zoe says:

    What a cop out. I get so frustrated with something like this. As a bisexual woman, I couldn’t find Cynthia Nixon’s comments more annoying. I understand what she is saying, given that I’m bisexual, I may not be able to help being attracted to men or women, but I suppose I can CHOOSE which partner I decide to be with. That said, just because “people don’t like bisexuals”, you jump ship and cut ties with your community and dissociate? I can’t tell you how many bi people I know say they are “straight” or “lesbian” just to avoid the mythology and nonsense some people have to say about bisexuals, which they say precisely because they don’t understand, precisely because no one talks about it, precisely because people make themselves invisible. You shouldn’t have to tiptoe around your identity so you can win a popularity contest. Gays and lesbians are making strides in society because they let themselves be seen and heard, have parades, rally for their rights, and fight for recognition. It’s the only thing that has lead to progress. So bisexuals are the new community to discriminate against. Prejudice sadly has always been a part of society, do people tell people to change their race or stop being who or what they are? No, you work through it. You don’t cower like a chicken or go run underneath some convenient umbrella, you stand tall and proud and if you have to, you explain what you are about when you hear a misconception. Nothing is going to change if this isn’t talked about as a society, and the few bisexuals that are in the public’s eye confuse the mainstream even more with commentary like this. She says others shouldn’t “define her gayness” yet she appears to be allowing them to do just that with their bigotry so she can pick a new way to define herself that some won’t see as being as offensive. I can’t tell you how much this probably set progress back for many people, how utterly disappointing.

    • Krill says:

      “She says others shouldn’t “define her gayness” yet she appears to be allowing them to do just that with their bigotry so she can pick a new way to define herself that some won’t see as being as offensive.”


    • Jackie says:

      as a woman whose sexuality is fluid, i will NOT be labeled by the gay community or the straight community. no group of people have that right over my being. if this upsets you then maybe you need to broaden your definitions of tolerance and acceptance.

    • OriginalTiffany says:

      I just smh at all this. Why can’t people just be people. Love the person they want, be whatever color they are, worship who they want?
      We are all humans. I have friends of every color and sexuality and it does not define my liking someone, my perception of them, nothing. I like who I like for their minds, sense of humor, their spirit, not for who they love or what color they are.
      I’ll take off my rose colored glasses now, but I really wish it could just be that way.
      To fondling, indeed!

  34. Roxy750 says:

    Let me just say I want nothing to do with the “gay community” or any other community other than my day to day life although I do love animals and want to help them out and are all over the rescue groups! GO GO GO , but , I pretty much just keep to myself and feel to each their own, let people be happy and I usually get annoyed when people feel the need to overly discuss being gay and such but Cynthia is completely right on, I really get what she is saying, I am loving it, it’s real, honest and down to earth–not showy or in your face She basically says she is who she is and she loves who she loves–no lines to connect, no box to sit in or out of. I have now become a fan of hers. Thank you Cynthia.

  35. The Bobster says:

    Based on the bald look and some of her past statements, the woman obviously has mental problems. Of course, the media love her because of this. Normal is boring.

    • Jayna says:

      She’s in a play playing a sick woman right now. She’s not bald for a fashion statement.

      • Franny says:

        Our new friend bobster is obviously here to swing around their uberconservative anti gay sentiments. He is basically saying that not being straight is a mental disorder. If you had even bothered to read the last paragraph you would know why she doesn’t have any hair currently.

        I just can’t wrap my head around these people who believe that its only their way or no way at all. Stop being bigotted pigs, open your hearts and allow love to happen between whoever is lucky enough to find it.

  36. Cleo says:

    She was in Foxes or Little Darlings or both way back in the 70s and she hasn’t really aged. WEIRD especially for someone so fair(y).

  37. Katija says:

    As a straight person, I’ve never understood why other hets give six shits about what other people choose to do. If gay A says he was born gay and gay B chose it, guess what? Doesn’t affect my straight little life one damn bit.

    It’s not up to anyone else to tell you how to define yourself or live your own life. I don’t care one bit about who Cynthia Nixon wants to bang. Unless we’re talking about the SATC franchise and it’s Steve, and then I AM ALL OVER THAT AND IT IS VERY MUCH MY DAMN BUSINESS AND SERIOUSLY? WHY DID HE CHEAT THEY WERE PERFECT! OMG PRODUCERS YOU WERE REACHING, OK? REACH. ING. FOR PLOT POINTS.

  38. nina says:

    UGH- I think the grown woman can identify herself better than others can. Geez almighty, I hate when political correctness becomes a noose.

  39. Violet says:

    dlisted has more excerpts from her interview at

    In a nutshell, it’s pretty clear that the reason she identifies herself as lesbian is because of the stigma of being bi. That said, she freely admits that she’s been in love and lust with both men and women, which is the definition of bisexual.

    It seems to me like the LGBT community has its own closet and Cynthia’s got one foot in it.

  40. Bronson says:

    I am a woman and I do not identify with any gender specific attraction. My identifier is that love knows not gender only happiness. The majority of my partners have been men, but I have also dated women as well and would not rule out dating a woman in the future. I just love people, gender has little to do with it my attraction to a person.

    But I will say this, I have have never, nor will I ever identify myself as bisexual.

  41. MissyA says:

    I don’t mean to negate the importance of civil rights re: homosexuality, but I just wanted to say that I’m really impressed with Nixon being cast as Dr. Bearing in Wit. Such an incredibly moving piece. She’s perfect for the role.

  42. K says:

    Erika expresses this very well in her webcomic.

    From my experience, bisexuals were dumped on way more than girls who would makeout with each other at parties for attention. I was in a long-distance polyamorous relationship with a man and woman. All my friends, gay or strait, would come down on me about it, saying I was denigrating their “pure” relationships. “Just pick one. You can’t have both.” No, I fell in love with a man, and I fell in love with a woman, and we all loved each other equally. We didn’t couple off, or get jealous, we were as legitimate a “couple” as any of them.

    Since then, I’ve dated men and women, but not another poly. You can’t help who you love.

  43. Kim says:

    Why is she talking about her sexuality period? I think because it gets her attention. She doesnt need to talk about her personal life at all. I could care less. These questions were purposely asked by her to be asked.

    • Maya says:

      She is talking about this because she has no other current career options at the moment and it gives her five more minutes of media attention that she doesn’t deserve.

  44. whatevs says:

    she is right tho… there was this boy on imdb last night i was reading his thread, he was respected by a straight dude which is cool, but then he explained he likes girls also and the straight dude went “i don’t believe that people can be bi really” if you declare yourself a bisexual then you are accused of trying to be interesting or being a sex addict or whatever. or that you can’t make up your mind, like you’re confused. when in reality bisexuality is as natural as it comes. i’ve seen animals who were bi too. and i believe many people are bi but they might be hiding themselves from this fact due to the backlash they might receive.

  45. Camille (The original) says:

    Good for her.

  46. Franny says:

    woops..double post.

  47. Krill says:

    From D-listed comments, because they’re saying it better than I can:

    Submitted by Hekki:
    She sounds like some people I know who just REFUSE to be defined. They’re just too SPECIAL to be lumped in with everyone ELSE.
    I just find it annoying that people can’t just say what they are. Stop being so slippery. It’s not mysterious or interesting. It’s annoying.

    Submitted by clutching-at-straws:
    This, exactly. Plus, bi-sexuals don’t get any respect, so she’s going to contribute to the disrespect by refusing to acknowledge that she is one, refusing to even use the word? What kind of f*cked up bullsh!t is that?

    Submitted by Cat Scratch:
    Ugh, how she gets any support for this is beyond me, even one “Cynthia is so right. QTF” is too much for me. Having names for things isn’t wrong, it’s not pigeonholing, it’s not cruel…she likes men and she likes women, right now she’s with a woman but she’s had men. That makes her bisexual. What’s wrong with that?

  48. Peg says:

    How dare anyone be critical of her choice of identity? It’s especially shallow of those of us in the LGBT community to judge her. Love the shaved head, too!

  49. Maya says:

    I really don’t see the magic of Cynthia Nixon. She will only be known for her role in SATC. What has she done since then?
    Anyway what I find irritating about her is that she is latching on to homosexuality now, in order to receive media attention and she is getting it for all the wrong reasons.
    Why would anyone say it is a choice, knowing that in the past, entire institutions were torturing homosexuals (men and women) based on this notion of choice? I’ve read numerous old psychology research papers that detail these very abuses as part of my degree, and it angers me that people like Cynthia Nixon open their traps and ignorantly say something for media attention.
    She should be ashamed of herself.
    Don’t get me wrong, I’m not criticising her for her choice, but to say that homosexuality is a choice and putting it out there is not necessarily a functional way of doing things as it will give rise to more crazy religious fundamentalists harping on about the choice aspect and shoving more kids into forced counselling and psychiatric ‘treatment’. And don’t think there aren’t any psychologists or psychiatrists out there who don’t do this sort of thing. They’re are plenty.

  50. Team Six says:

    Who cares who you want to love … get on with it and leave the rest of us out of it !!