Showbiz Predictions ’07

In an effort to boost ratings, NBC starts showing popular YouTube clips in prime time.

Hip hop producer Scott Storch completes a new album with the Bush Twins, who go on to become the next t.A.T.u.

The Lohan/Hilton fued will reach its conclusion after Lohan releases the “dis” single “Going back to Paris” and gunplay mars the opening of Herbie: Fully Loaded Part Two.

Jack Black will draw boos at Wrigley field after scatting over “Take Me Out to the Ballgame.”

Tobey Keith
will stay in the closet.

The Rosie O’Donnell Donald Trump fued will end in a televised mud wrestling match that cable subscribers will have to pay NOT to watch.

Suri Cruise, Shiloh Jolie-Pitt, Davie Banda-Richie, and Maddox Jolie-Pitt form the Emo band “Taking Back Childhood” and are instantly signed to Victory records.

In the new Martin Scorsese movie, Jack Nicholson plays an insane movie director who uses his mob ties to threaten the Oscar committee into giving him the Academy Award.

Nicole Richie will digest a cheese sandwich.

In the new Indiana Jones movie, Harrison Ford will discover a fossilized version of himself .

The new Tom Cruise/Steven Spielberg movie will open with a heartwarming scene in which Cruise displays his amazing acting range, followed by a 75 minute chase scene.

Rush Limbaugh draws criticism when he claims that Gerald Ford is obviously acting or forgot to take his medication.

The Simple Life 5 will end in tragedy and legal action when the stars attempt to fill in for two heart surgeons in a Tulsa, Oklahoma emergency room.

Despite strong Internet buzz, the new Samuel L Jackson film, Spiders on the Bus, does less than expected at the box office.

A police situation and hostage situation develops after Dustin Diamond (aka Screech from Saved by the Bell and Internet porn fame) claims squatters rights and refuses to leave The Surreal Life set.

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5 Responses to “Showbiz Predictions ’07”

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  1. sleipnir says:

    January 2007: Britney Spears anounces she will be doing a photoshoot for Hustler Magazine, co-featuring Jenna Jameson.
    In an atempt to stem the tide her manager will circulate pictures on the internet of Britney breast feeding her youngest son. Of course Perez Hilton will be the first to get them

    New rules will apply for the election of Miss USA: Donald Trump will personally verify that all candidates are virgins. Miss USA 2007 will be Amish.


  2. xiaoecho says:

    Has anyone ever been on a bus with a frightened spider on the loose? It’s no joke, people get injured.

  3. mandi says:

    In 2007, African natives will start adopting celebrity babies.

    After Britney Spears has her next tummy-tuck, her doctor will surgically attach granny panties to her in order to avoid further flashings and embarrassment.

    The Pussycat Dolls will recruit five new members from sex-change clinics. Again.

    Lindsay Lohan will overdose, go to rehab, win Miss America, announce that she is running for president, overdose again, get drunk in six states, cut herself because Al Gore won’t sleep with her… And then in February, she’ll…..

  4. countrybabe says:

    The public will finally get tired of the Jolie-Pitts.

  5. ER says:

    Xiaecho – good point! Eons ago, I mean a short while ago, when I was in high school, my best friend and I were driving in his truck when we noticed a HUGE black spider on the gear-shift and we both freaked and nearly bolted for the doors – spider was BIG!!!