Yesterday, it felt like you guys really wanted me to write about Michael Fassbender – we were sent two stories about him, almost as if Fassbender was just in the air. Do you ever feel like that about a certain celebrity? It’s not that you’ve been reading gossip about that particular person or that you’ve even seen one of their movies recently, but all of a sudden you’re like, “OMG, Cillian Murphy!” Incidentally, I recently met a young-ish dude who reminded me of Cillian, and I was actually hot for him regardless of his laser-like serial killer eyes. But I digress…
Back to the other hot Irishman, Michael Fassbender. The Mail featured this short little interview with Fassy regarding the possibility (the HORRIBLE possibility) that he could play Christian Grey in 50 Shades of Grey. Fassy shut it down:
Michael won’t go Grey.
Man of the moment Michael Fassbender has ruled himself out of playing Christian Grey, the sultry sadist business tycoon in the film adaptation of the erotic novel Fifty Shades Of Grey.
‘I haven’t even read the book,’ says the 35-year-old Irish-German actor, who bravely stripped for a controversial sex scene in the movie Shame.
‘You get your privates out and people assume you are some sex maniac.’
Of course Michael hasn’t read the book. He’s too busy LIVING the book with his pretty girlfriend, Nicole Beharie. Except not cheesy and way sexier. At least that’s how I picture their sex life. Less whining, more spanking. Thank you Fassy, may I have another? YES.
As for the 50 Shades of Crap, I don’t know how many times I have to say it? STOP discussing real actors in association with the film adaptation. Fassbender will NOT touch it. Neither will Ryan Gosling or Alexander Skarsgard. I will repeat this on a loop: this film will be cast straight out of the CW.
Additional Fassbender news: Michael has officially signed on to Jane Got a Gun, that western he was rumored for a few weeks ago. Natalie Portman will be the lead character, a woman being hunted by a gang, and Fassy will play her ex-lover who comes to her rescue or something. I’m worried about his chemistry with someone like Portman… but I probably shouldn’t worry. Michael can have chemistry with anyone and anything. He can have chemistry with inanimate objects. He can have chemistry with a lamp post. A sexy, filthy, dirty-bitch lamp post that needs a spanking. See?
Last thing – a fan sent me this link to Happy Endings’ Eliza Coupe having, like, an emotional breakdown over Michael Fassbender. The Funny or Die series is called “Why Won’t You Talk To Me?” and her Happy Endings costars also appear in the series. It’s pretty funny – and also a little bit scary, because this would be me (FOR REAL) if I didn’t keep my Fass-lunacy in a contained little box. My box. For Fassbender. Cough.
Photos courtesy of WENN, the NY Times Magazine.
I haven’t read it either – I have no plans to – but I’m gonna queue up to watch it if Matt Bomer plays the lead role .
I trust that Matt Bomer has better taste than cheesy Twilight-wannabe fanfiction. In any event though he already has two movies to shoot and White Collar is a sure thing for renewal. Too busy to even consider it thank God!
CW sounds about right. My favorite laugh is people wanting Christian Bale to do it. Yeah because that’s just want he’s looking for after an Oscar and a billion dollar franchise. 😉
Oh Mia, you just crushed my dreams… LOL 😀
Anyway, I really don’t think Matt would touch this project with a stick. I don’t think he’s that desperate, plus I think he’s already quite successful in his own right 😉
Sorry! 🙂
Look on the brightside, he can remain your fantasy while not having to speak any of that oatmeal the author tried to pass off as dialogue!
I wish they would leave it alone. No respectable actor will come within 10ft of this 50 shades bullcrap, it’s ridiculous…
Exactly, Marie!
This was awesome, Kaiser. The only thing better than a Fassy post in the morning is a Fassy post in which he CONFIRMS that he WILL NOT be involved in that POS that is 50 Shades.
Thanks for this excellent news, Kaiser! Now maybe people will just STFU about it-and yes, completely agree that no respectable actor will touch that crap.
Hi Kitty! I agree with you and marie here. I never believed he would seriously consider the role and that it was all speculation by everyone but him.
The only thing I can think of that is better than pictures of Fassy when I get out of bed in the morning here at CB is if I couldn’t get out of bed because Fassy was actually in bed with me!
Well see, now that would be impossible because Fassy is in bed with ME 🙂
Ok well maybe we can share him 😉
Yes Kit, we can share, because clearly it wouldn’t be possible for either one of us to draw the short stick with the Fassdong! 🙂
It is so painful to me to hear people gushing about this book. Have they never read anything truly good in their entire lives??
“Anything good?” I gotta believe that the people who love this crap usually don’t read anything at all.
Come on, these books aren’t read because they are good, or even supposed to be good…they are popular because it is “naughty” entertainment for mainstream women.
It is sort of like Magic Mike, it has made $154 million worldwide. Why? A male stripper movie made more $$$ than hundred’s of other well written and well acted movies because, like the 50 shades trilogy, it comes at a time when there is a particular audience is ripe for the picking.
It’s just depressing because there are SO many amazing books out there, Chat.
Even if you want some light chick lit or beach reading or whatever-there are talented authors that can accomodate that. It’s not the content/storyline of the book that irritates me, it’s the shamefully bad writing.
I know Kitten, but there are those periods of time where such things as 50 shares or magic mike make their way through culture just because. There is no good reason, there is no value added by them being popular (to the general public) but it happens, somehow they get embraced, and then society moves on and they are like little cult classics.
*Shoulder shrug*
For some silly reason, I can read something good and 50 shades, who knew.
Esmom, I worked with a bunch of women in their early twenties and they couldn’t get enough of “50 Shades.” Most of them said they haven’t read in a long time, so you hit the nail right on the head. One day, I said to the one girl, “The writing in the book is so awful.” Her response, “It’s not for everyone.” She acted like I was dumb for not liking it, like I was dissing a masterpiece! LoL
And why are women so in love with Christian Grey? He is so controlling and bland. Not the type of guy I’d be in love with.
@Smashley, I can give older women a pass for liking the content, but the fact that such young women could think it’s high quality stuff — and admit that they don’t read much of anything else — is what makes me want to weep for the future of humanity.
But hopefully as Chatcat says, the hype will fade and we’ll remember it mostly as a VH1-special-worthy type of cultural blip.
One of my best friends is an english professor (an ENGLISH professor!) and she loved the book and sings it’s praises all the time. Normally, I respect her taste in literature so when I was at B&N I picked it up and I could barely get past the book’s synopsis. I immediately called her and told that heifer she was dead to me! She’s got me questioning every book recommendation she’s ever made.
I read the reviews on Amazon and they were elucidating enough regarding how terrible these books are. People who are into naughty stuff should try the erotic tales by Anaïs Nin. They were pretty fine.
“Michael can have chemistry with anyone and anything. He can have chemistry with inanimate objects. He can have chemistry with a lamp post. A sexy, filthy, dirty-bitch lamp post that needs a spanking. See?” ahahah! That was funny!
Good boy! Keep on being awesome.
I have even more respect for him now.
So do I. I won’t read that cr*p either. SO tired of people talking about it and not getting why everyone is freaking about the books, all I’ve read in reviews is how badly written it is. Not a good way to get people ‘reading’.
Even with his abuse allegations? You had respect for him before??
I’m every actor who has been asked about it (fassbbender, gosling, skarsgard) has said they haven’t read it. BECAUSE THERE’S NO SCRIPT AND NO DIRECTOR. This crappy movie probably won’t even happen.
The producers of the Social Network are doing this movie and they hired the screenwriter from The Killing.
I haven’t read the book but based on reports, it’s really cheesey. So I don’t know why the media keeps saying that A-listers are begging to be in it.
Seriously, the Secretary was just as bizarre, crap and cheesy (the final scenes, where the Maggie Gyllenhaal’s character pisses her pants in protest is pathetic) as the concept of 50 Shades of Grey as some type of BDSM relationship and it managed to have Maggie Gyllenhaal and James Spader. Who is to say that Shades of Grey won’t be cast?
I’m betting it will be cast and everyone will be shocked at the outcome.
Seriously? Are you really mentioning Secretary, an effin’ FANTASTIC film in the same paragraph as 50 Shades of Craptastic Awfulness?
GTFO.
I respect people’s right to an opinion but my immediate reaction to that comparison is right there with you Kitten. GTFO indeed!
Secretary should never ever be compared to 50 Shades of Sh*t.
If you think Secretary was a terrible film, you must not understand anything about sadomasochism. Which is fine, obviously. But no, Secretary = good film.
Had never heard of “Secretary” before, but after looking it up I’m extremely excited to watch. James Spader as a “coldly patrician” dominant? *swoon*
I’d read a few pages of 50 Shades but couldn’t continue because it was so atrocious. To each their own though. It’s basically just porn anyway, so if it gets some people off in spite of the horrible writing that’s the main thing I suppose.
Respect.
“I don’t know how many times I have to say it? STOP discussing real actors in association with the film adaptation. Fassbender will NOT touch it. Neither will Ryan Gosling or Alexander Skarsgard. I will repeat this on a loop: this film will be cast straight out of the CW.”
I endorse this message and co-sign this loop…and add one “Amen!”
I got really excited when I saw “OMG, Cillian Murphy!”, then I scrolled down to see if there was something about him, a picture maybe but…wah wah wah waaaahhh.
Eve-don’t be greedy. You get plenty of Cumberlovin’ around here!
Suddenly, my flu symptoms disappeared! Thanks for this poster, Kaiser!
I can’t believe I’m admitting this but I’ve read that crap series to stay up with pop culture. Fassy isn’t young enough to play Christian Grey. Maybe Zac Efron? He’s hot, young and he looks like he could totally be into S&M.
Yeah im soooo sick of everyone talking about that damn book. It was written by a woman with the writing skills of a 7th grader No actor of any quality would touch that shizz. I suspect the people involved are the ones starting these rumors because they cant get anyone decent attached.
‘I’m not a sex maniac’ LOOOL made me laugh a lot!
Am I the only one who think Natalie Portam is asexual? I mean I find her pretty but not sexy.
I thought I was the only one who thought this! She is so asexual, no sexiness at all.
I think Poutman loves herself too much to ever love anyone else.
And she’s not a good enough actress to be able to pretend otherwise.
^ This!
Yes yes and YES. She is beautiful but not sexy at all.
I have read the 50 Shades of Grey trilogy and I can’t really imagine that this film will ever gonna happen. The scenes would be quite… juicy. But IF it happens, the only guy I can imagine as Christian Grey is Channing Tatum.. don’t know why.
Oohh Why not Mr. Fassbender? You’re C. Grey!
I’m a big Fassy fan, but I have to disagree with you on the chemistry part. He actually doesn’t have chemistry with all his co-stars. So my expectations are low for this Portman vehicle.
I actually thought James Deen would play Christian Grey.
He had good ‘bromance’ chemistry going on with James McAvoy on X-Men and the rest of the cast, but yes… there was something lacking in Jane Eyre and Prometheus.
There was supposed to be something lacking in Prometheus being as he was an android. Also I thought he was great in Jane eyre. Anyway, praise the lord he hasn’t even read this trash. It’s just written porn for women who don’t have lives or imagination to come up with sexual fantasies on their own
I haven’t seen Jane Eyre yet but I think the way he interacted with the other characters in Prometheus was intentional.
I mean, David was supposed to look distant and somewhat ethereal since his essentially pragmatic persona (he’s a robot, after all) would keep him away and above everyone else.
I understand what you guys are saying (to be honest, that was my initial theory too) but to get to the bottom of it, he’s an actor. A good chemistry with the rest of the cast is always a good thing regardless of what/who he plays. JMO of course!
Didn’t see Prometheus, but I thought he was wonderful in Jane Eyre.
An android should not have chemistry with his human counter parts. Otherwise you are playing it wrong. He or it has to stay distant and above it all but looking in with jealousy. Fassy had it down like a champ.
Just say no Fassy, Gosling, Akars to this 50 Shades rubbish. none of my men will want to touch this CW material.
If they make 50 Shades of Grey as a comedy – which, if you’ve read it, it SOOOO is – it’ll be hilarious. You know how the Twilight movies are so bad that with the aid of a bottle of wine, they’re a laugh riot? That’s what 50 Shades of Grey can be. Cast it with Will Arnett and Ellen Page. Hi-lar-i-ous.
Yes!!! SNL’s “ad” about 50 Shades was awesome. I can only imagine how good their version of the entire book would be.
Get Kristen Wiig to do the adaptation, just continuously take the piss out of it!
Ah. I would so watch a spoof of 50 Shades.
I’m not on the Fass-wagon but just reading the headline makes me love him a little.
If Hollywood ends up not adapting the book(s), I may regain a shred of respect for them. This is Lifetime TV material at best.
It’s probably for the best. The Fasswagon is pretty crowded these days.
I feel like there’s a bunch of crazed Fassbitches doing a tug-of-war with his ginormous dong.
Lol, he’s all yours. May the best woman win. I still swoon over Brad Pitt. *ducks and scurries back to my old lady chair in my knickknack-filled parlor to rewatch Legends of the Fall*
LOL! There’s not a woman on the PLANET who didn’t experience biscuit-tingles when they saw BP in Legends. Gah! That smile…man, he made me want to take up fishing.
True. But he even made me swoon in Moneyball. Age has not diminished his hotness.
You know its just gonna “show girls” some actors career. I vote for Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel for the 50 shades couple.
Tom Cruise will do the movie!
I think he looks too mature for Christian.
I love to read smut like a like of other people but I won’t just read anything. It has to be well written. Honestly, I’m not shocked 50 shades of gray is horrible. It was a twilight fanfiction in which she changed the names. Twilight was horrible so no shock about this at all.
my book club read this book and we all hated it. the prose is terrible, but aside from that there were so many things they bugged me, such as why does a college student in the year 2011 NOT have a computer? really – no computer? and why do the characters talk like they are british? what american says they are going to “ring you up” or “go on holiday?” and the sex scenes were pretty boring too, despite the whoo-ha.
this is just porno for bored housewives. if you want sexy, beautifully written erotica, i suggest reading anais nin.
The author is from London.
then she should have set the book in london. americans don’t speak that way.
Oh, Cillian 🙁 I wish there were candids of him….I wonder what he looks like in normal everyday settings.
And I refuse to believe there is anyone out there who looks like him.
This movie isn’t going to happen. Just in case they call an unknown actor with a mediocre career that needs movies like this one in his curriculum. I can’t imagine any A-list doing that crap.
Hayden Christensen maybe. But I can totally see Shia LaBeouf jumping in. He loves to show his d*ck. Blah.
He really is quite phototgenic. I know that he’s not that big in stature, but he’s very masculine and that makes him even more attractive.
Just watched the Laugh or Die vid, lol. Yes kinda creepy but the last 60 secs are awesome.
Saw shame, don’t get hype about his dong, its not that big people..or am I mad??
It looked pretty big to me. At least six inches flaccid by my guess.
I’ve seen stills le Fassdong on line and while it’s not the gargantuan monster that the hype has turned it into, it looked…sizeable. And it appeared to be flaccid. I know that you can’t really tell what an erect p-nis will look like based on what it looks like flaccid, but…it just…well…I wouldn’t kick him out of my bed.
I saw 50 Shades on the shelves at Target and picked it up out of curiosity. After two page in I closed it, put it back on the shelves and proceeded to place other books over it so I can spare someone else from the soul-shattering pain of reading such crap.
I know exactly what you’re talking about, Kaiser, the collective consciousness thing.
Awhile back I was randomly out of nowhere thinking of Elliott Smith. Turned on my favorite streaming radio and so were they, playing a bunch of his songs. Turned out to be the anniversary of his death. Weird stuff, but I love it!!
Thanks for the new set of pics!! And the Lohan video, solid gold…
I LOVE “Fifty Shades” – love it.
Okay, well, I wasn’t actually able to finish it because it was so bad and made me so angry (horrible writing, obvious Twilight ripoff)…but now I read Jennifer Armintrout’s blog and she does chapter by chapter recaps…they are HILARIOUS. She’s on the second book now and I literally look forward to reading these things each week. The author’s snarky attitude is genius but the sad thing is that the funniest stuff is actual verbatim prose from the book.
I LOVE LOVE LOVE Jennifer’s recaps. Hers, plus another blogger’s I’ve read http://bizzybiz.blogspot.co.uk/
plus the stuff on tumblr, is probably the only thing keeping me sane while almost everyone else around me is gushing about this book.
LOL all these dumbass fans wanting legitimate actors for this piece of crap. Michael got NC-17 for Shame. A film with Oscar potential featuring a gut wrenching performance about a man with sex addiction. He won’t do it for some cheesy mommy porn for women who never got a decent lay in their life and get off to TWILIGHT FAN FICTION.
Give it to Ian Sommerhalder. He’s Z-list, hungry enough for it. He’s already a top choice.
I will lol forever if James Deen gets it.
I love James Deen. (Saying that makes me feel a little dirty)
LOL all these dumbass fans wanting legitimate actors for this piece of crap. Michael got NC-17 for Shame. A film with Oscar potential featuring a gut wrenching performance about a man with sex addiction. He won’t do it for some cheesy mommy pr0n for women who never got a decent lay in their life and get off to TWILIGHT FAN FICTION.
Give it to Ian Sommerhalder. He’s Z-list, hungry enough for it. He’s already a top choice.
I will lol forever if James Deen gets it.
I attempted to read this book after hearing about it non-stop. But it was horrible!!! (And yes, I’ll admit it, I read and enjoyed the Twilight books.) The writing is so cheesy!! I skipped forward to one of the sex scenes thinking maybe its the only good thing about this book…and I found it pretty dull! What is the obsession?!?! I think the women who love it are the ones who’ve never had it good in their lives. Poor things.
Any self respecting actor will stay miles away from that piece of crap unless they just want the money.
Great news!
And lordy, that photo of Fassy in the singlet top and wet jeans, wow, just…wow.
Kaiser – I have truly had an awful day. You’re line about the lamp post may have been my only laugh today. Thanks for that:)
Not Matt Boner. He is way too pretty. They need a rugged, handsome man with sex appeal. This guy would be perfect. He looks devious, yet handsome, rugged, rough, yet sharp.
I was horrified today to hear my Mum is reading this POS book. Anyway, thank God Fassbender won’t do the equally ludicrous film. Now we just have to eliminate Baby Goose, and I can relax.