Monica Cruz is the equally hot younger sister of actress Penelope Cruz. Monica is an actress and celebrity in their native Spain and we’ve heard about her here occasionally. Monica, 35, wants children so instead of waiting around until she was sure she found the right guy, she took matters into her own hands. She’s currently pregnant by an anonymous sperm donor and made the announcement, along with explaining her decision, on her blog:
[Monica] announced the news in a post titled “My Life’s Dream” earlier this month. “I’m going to be a mother!” she wrote in Spanish. “I have managed to fulfill the dream of a lifetime. Because of that, I want to share with all of you this special journey and be able to tell you about all of my experiences during this fascinating time…”
Cruz then went on to say that although she would have preferred to wait for the man of her dreams before having a baby, she couldn’t ignore her ticking biological clock. “A 40-year-old woman is very young and she feels very young, but the maternity thing goes another way. It is measured with another clock that unfortunately we do not control,” she explained. “I’ve become very informed on the subject. It turns out that after 37 the possibilities of becoming pregnant decrease at an alarming rate.”
Because of that, she opted to take matters into her own hands. And though she initially hid out to avoid having to deal with speculation about the pregnancy, she’s ready now to tell all.
“I’ve decided to talk about it: I have resorted to artificial insemination in order to get pregnant,” Cruz wrote. “I also wanted to talk about it because it is an opportunity to show my gratitude to all those anonymous donors that help a lot of women, like me, fulfill their lifetime dream. If with this I can help others that are in doubt, here I am for whatever you may need.”
Monica was probably influenced by her sister, who had a baby just a couple of years ago. This reminds me that Penelope and Javier’s son Leo, two, will have a new cousin around his age soon! (I can’t figure out if Javier’s brother or sister have families, maybe some of our Spanish readers know. Monica and Penelope also have a brother, Eduardo, who dated Eva Longoria last year.)
I’m sure someone somewhere will complain about a successful single woman deciding to become a mom on her own. I’m old enough to vaguely remember the big to-do over TV character Murphy Brown, played by Candice Bergen, being lambasted by then Vice President, Dan Quayle. I thought that “single mom” controversy was largely over, but Bill O’Reilly did the same thing to Jennifer Aniston when she played a single woman who had a child in The Switch. I don’t think those arguments hold water when it comes to a responsible woman choosing pregnancy. That child will be loved and cherished by someone who is ready and willing to parent. If only you could say that about all children. (Even the ones born by sperm donor, they’re not exempt.) Congratulations to Monica!
Monica Cruz is shown above in December, 2011. Credit: Max Powell, PacificCoastNews.com. She’s also shown out with Penelope in October, 2012. Javier, his brother Carlos Bardem and Eduardo Cruz (Monica and Penelope’s brother) were also there. Maybe that’s when Monica told her family the happy news! Credit: FameFlynet
Good for her! Who needs a man!
Who needs a father? That is the question to debate here…I’m not judging, but it is something more complex than needing men to make us baby. There is a baby coming out of this with its own needs as well..anyway, it will be loved, and that is the most important.
This.
Kind of sounds like you’re judging…
This.
Trust me, as someone who has been abused in multiple ways by her father, it is better to have one parent who loves you unconditionally than one who wishes you never existed. And besides, who’s to say Monica won’t find a good guy who can be a father figure to her child?
This
I am struggling here. Monica is clearly going to love, and provide a stable home for, this child. She is ready to be a parent, and can afford assistance when needed. She has family support and love and her child will know he was wanted. These are all blessings that more children should have.
But, I am so grateful I had MrTarheel to share the decisions, to back me up when I wanted to try a particular parenting style and our parents were resistent, and to keep me grounded. It was great to have someone else in it with me, who was just as invested, just as responsible, just as awed by the experience. And logistically, it was great to have someone who HAD to get out of bed and get BabyTarheel sometimes-not because he was paid, but because it was just as much his responsibility as mine. Gay or straight, it’s just great to have another person in the trenches with you…
I agree. I used a sperm donor to get pregnant when I was 41. Believe me, I thought about it a lot, but when your clock is ticking you have to make some choices. I only tried once and it didn’t work, and for various reasons I didn’t try again. The initial conflict I had was “I can’t find a man to love me and have a family with me, so I have to do it alone,” and cried. But then I got over it. My parents and friends supported me. I am not wealthy but I had a well-paying job at that time. My best friend helped me choose the donor. I can’t even get into the varying emotions I experienced having the procedure. Who is to say if you find the right partner, you’re going to be together forever and raise the child together? My parents divorced when I was 6. There were many moments of difficulty when I was younger with custody, child support not being paid, etc. I also saw many friends go through sh*tty divorces re custody. I have one friend who is still fighting with her ex husband years later in court. I wanted to get married and have a family the “normal” way, but my life didn’t follow that path. I know the benefits of having a partner help raise a child, but I also know many more single mothers.
Deciding to have a child via donor is probably the most difficult decision I have had to make so far in this life. I’m almost 44 and probably won’t try again, but I wanted to at least know I tried to make it happen.
Well you do need the man to provide the sperm. Life just doesn’t create itself. Plus, find it somewhat degrading to men when we raise our fists and say we don’t need them. If they said the same about us they probably would be labeled as misogynists. I like men, don’t need one but I do like them a lot and prefer to have them in my life.
I love men! I was just messing around, but I think it’s great that women can start a family this way without having to wait for a good man to arrive first. Good for her for doing what makes her happy.
NYC-GIRL- we have so many similarities. I’ve followed your posts on this site because I thought it was funny how close our screen names are. I’m turning 40 in a few months and thinking about what you experienced at 41. I
wish my life could have followed a different path, but sometimes fate has other plans. Anyway, thank you for sharing your story.
While I think it’s lovely when children have the opportunity to be raised by two parents, for me that wasn’t the case for most of my childhood. It’s not that my mom wanted to raise my younger brother and I on her own, or that my dad decided he didn’t want to be a father anymore and ran off with the secretary. No, my dad died of thyroid cancer when I was five years old. So for all reasonable purposes, my mom was a single parent practically my entire life. And I won’t gloss it over and pretend it wasn’t hard for her; it was in certain areas. For us too- to this day, I wish my father was still here with us, I still think about how my childhood may have been different had he not died. But she managed; as did we. It was a great childhood. Which is why I can’t have a problem with woman who use sperm donors. If my mother, who did not knowingly have children as a single parent, managed to raise my brother and I to successful adults after the worst tragedy of her life… I can’t imagine that a single woman who is determined to have children, but is not foolish enough to sleep with the first man willing, would be such a bad parent after all.
ITA with Gracie and bns.
Speaking as someone who has the means and familial support to raise a child, I totally support her. You have to have, at bare minimum, the financial means to support a kid. Otherwise, you wind up on public support and thats a sh#tty thing to do to a kid.
As someone who is approaching “decision making time”, there’s no white knight. There’s no “perfect” relationship.
Still, I could offer a kid a bunch of love and a great life. Totally think the judgey older ladies in the group need to consider how many kids there are who need just one person to love them.
Team Monica.
You could adopt! They can be even cooler than biological kids! (Spoken as the coolest of 4 kids & the only adopted one ☺.)
You could adopt! They can be even cooler than biological kids! (Spoken as the coolest of 4 kids & the only adopted one 🙂
In Australia it’s impossible to adopt due to legislation and bureaucracy. My cousin and two friends have gone down this path and have beautiful children that each of them love. Each of them desperately wanted to be mums but Mr Right just wasn’t there.
Good for her and congratulations!
(also, a quibble – it’s Quayle, not Quail)
I’ll fix it, I know it’s Quayle! Potato/Potatoe
No kidding.
Congratulations! Good for her!
Congrats to her!
Good for her!
Good for her. Nothing wrong with being a single parent. There are so many women who are already playing the single parent role even though they are married or involved.
Thats wonderful! I hope she and baby have a great life. Congrats
Wow she’s smoking. Good genes. Please nobody be rude but the whole anonnymous sperm donor thing creeps me out & seems unfair to the child. It creeps me out in the sense that a child conceived in this way could potentially go out into the world & mate with his/her sibling without their knowlegde & someone with even an amateur understanding of genetics knows the potentially devastating consequences of that.. Also a child deserves to know their father.. I don’t know if I’ve gotten my point across but there are a lot of smart peeps on this site & look forward to being better informed. Thanks
You know the chances of what you suggested are astronomically low, right?
First off, this incestuous pair would be half siblings. Secondly, you’re also at risk of marrying your own half brother. We all are. None of us can say for sure that our dads never cheated or donated sperm. Like the other poster said, the chances are ridiculously low you’d find and get preggers by this person.
No. We aren’t all at risk. Some men can remain faithful, and *shocker* the number of men who donate is very low. This is a very ignorant statement and very rude the the men out there who can keep it in their pants.
Didn’t you read the post above? *Shocker* she SAID the risk was very low.
And yes, we ARE all at risk. The key word is “risk,” not “certainty.” Honestly, take a moment to at least skim the posts you reply to. But if you want to believe it’s absolute, carved-in-stone gospel that your dad was an angel at every point in his life, don’t let me burst your bubble.
It’s rare, but the odds increase the more common it becomes (and who’s to say how many deposits the donor has made?)
I’m not for secrecy, whether it’s a child resulting from infidelity or sperm or egg donors. There are obviously situations where it can’t be helped or the truth would be too damaging (rape, incest), but this is not one of those situations. The child’s feelings and rights should come first. It should be their decision what, if anything, they want to know about their donor and biological siblings and if they want contact with them.
My ex-boyfriend grew up in a small town and unwittingly almost dated his half-sister. That’s when he found out, at the age of 15, who his “dad” was.
Whereas most sperm banks nowadays limit the number of pregnancies from one donor to help avoid issues like sibling relationships. My son is more likely to be struck by lightning than to date one of his half-sisters.
Obviously you are right about potential genetic consequences, but I believe that the same donor is not used more than once(I think there are strict rules for this but I do not hold information about it). That being, the chances of a child from a sperm donor ending up involved with a sibling are probably as high as the chances of the majority of the population to get involved with a unknown sibling (per instance some studies show overwhelming rates of children fathered by non-biological fathers). So in my opinion that is sort of an unfair argument against it. Regarding the right of the child to know who the father is, that I have to agree. Maybe it is possible…don’t know about it, but I am also curious.
Anyway, I think it’s a brave attitude. For a lot of women, to be a mother is an important part of their life dreams. She has the health, wealth and seems to have the social support necessary to be a great mum, so why not. I don’t think it would make it any better to just have a child from a person you’re not sure you want to be with or some random stranger she would meet in a bar. The thing is, if it was a couple who would have gone through artificial insemination with a donor sperm because of the impossibility of doing it otherwise, judgment would be lighter and I don’t really see the reason for that.
update: I made a 30min pause when i was writing this, so I only saw all the new comments after posting. I pretty much agree with all.
I remember an article in People magazine from maybe 3 years ago about a bunch if kids fathered by the same sperm donor. They already found 15 or so of the same age and slated to go to the same school. The parents were obviously alarmed and started moving across country to prevent these children from unknowingly dating each other later on.
I’m not making any judgements on this woman wanting to become a mother at all. Good for her! I just noticed that a commenter brought up the potential conflicts of a sperm donor so I wanted to bring up this case. (please no one make comments about how any of these parents should have known better or something equally cruel. They all used sperm donors for different reasons and had every right to do so)
Not true. Reputable places screen for diseases, but some donors are more popular than others and make numerous donations, for which they are compensated. They may be limited to a certain number, but it’s way more than one, and several women will use the same donor if they have the desirable traits they’re looking for. It’s a wildly unregulated ‘industry’. Same for egg donation (though more is involved to donate eggs, obviously.)
thank you for elucidating me. That is indeed in care for better legislation, IMO. I read a bit and in my country one donor can “be taken” 8 times in their lifetime (what sounds like a lot) and they are fully anonymous giving no chance for the child to find out who the father is in future, so that is a point to think about for sure.
Donors are anonymous, but you can request the “donor number”. Then should your child begin dating someone who is also a donor child, they can compare donor numbers. The donor number is also often the way half-siblings find each other.
Healthy donors can father up to 100 children worldwide, although they are usually limited to a specific number of children within a country or region.
I’m a 34 (on Thursday!) year old woman, and I too have done a lot of reading on the subject of fertility. Starting at age 35, the rate at which a woman is able to get pregnant begins to decrease at a rapid rate, and by age 37 the rate decreased even more. Most fertility doctors, when consulted by a woman my age who wants to have a child, recommend that she not wait beyond 36-37.
Now obviously, you never know if you are going to be one of the lucky ones who gets pregnant naturally after 37, and there are women who get pregnant in their 40s. But there are a lot of other women who try and can’t.
All of this is to say that I’m single. I’m not dating, and I haven’t found someone I was interested in in years. I want to be a mom. I am equally interested in adopting, but it’s not easy to adopt as a single woman. So I’ve considered the sperm donor route.
I think that it’s easier for women who already had children to get pregnant after 35. The real risks are for first pregnancy. I think I would also consider a sperm donor if I reach 35 without a partner, but with the emotional and social preparation to have a child.
Very true. Its risky to have your first child after 35. The baby is also at risk for developing genetic diseases and higher rate of mental diseases. Even if you can get pregnant, its very risky to have one after 35.
This is in response to Issa:
It is NOT very risky to have a child over the age of 35. The risk of Down Syndrome increases, but even at 40, it is only about 1 %. There is no need to misinform or panic women.
Having your first child after 35 is not any more risky than having your second (or third, etc.) child after 35. However, you are more likely to get pregnant after 35 if you’ve already been pregnant (which totally makes sense).
I’m an RN and I’ve found there’s a lot of misinformation out there re: fertility. I have a friend who works in an abortion clinic and she sees many women in their late 30’s to early 40’s who weren’t being careful with birth control because they just assumed that due to their age they would not get pregnant.
I plan to do this as well if i reach 35 and still no ideal man to be my other half. i feel like my clock is ticking now at 31. I heard though artificial insemination is expensive. is it true?
No, it’s relatively inexpensive, and easy on your body, unlike IVF. No hormones required. Once you have made your decision and chosen your donor, you just time your ovulation, show up at the doctor’s office on the right day, and you’re walking out the door in 30 minutes. Of course, some women are successful on the first menstrual cycle, while others require more time – just like women who are trying to get pregnant through intercourse.
I tried one cycle of IUI when I was 41. It was not expensive. IUI usually runs a few hundred dollars per cycle and for me that included the samples I purchased, plus the doctor’s visit. IVF is expensive – sometimes your insurance covers it (mine didn’t cover any of my IUI) for one cycle. I also had significant genetic testing done (my insurance actually covered most of that) and the fertility doctor I met with did some preliminary ultrasounds and hormone tests to see how viable I was. I also wouldn’t bother getting tested for any of this until you’re ready to actually conceive since your hormone levels can change from month to month.
No more expensive than adoption. Adoption can often be more expensive than a sperm donor.
Adoption is an amazing, life-fulfilling way of becoming a parent.
My daughter was abandoned right after birth and was taken to an orphanage, where she spent her first year of life with no parent to love and protect her. Her prospects growing up were grim for reasons I won’t mention.
Both of our lives changed unbelievably for the better when I adopted her five years ago. We adore each other and she has a great life. I’m now saving to adopt a second child.
Our world is bursting at the seams in terms of population growth and there are so many orphaned, abandoned and unwanted children in desperate need of love and care – one parent would more than suffice. I sincerely wish more people would consider this option.
(Sorry. I’ll get off my soapbox now)
I think its better to have a child this way than just for the sake of becoming a mother, getting a guy to get married to, and have him be the father of your child. We should all be mature enough to understand that the picture of mother – father – child was imposed on us by dominant and dogmatic religious idealisms.
BTW, I love that white dress she is wearing!
I completely agree. It is unquestionably difficult to be a single mom, but if being a mom is what is important, why force yourself to be a wife just to get there?
also, i really like her distinction between being youthful and alive at 40, and the reality of fertility. Nice that she separated it like that.
Wow. If a pretty and successful girl like her couldn’t find a guy to have a child, there’s no hope for the likes of me, I suppose. Guess it’s time to find a rescue place and adopt 30 cats.
@Lisa B. – “Wow. If a pretty and successful girl like her couldn’t find a guy to have a child, there’s no hope for the likes of me, I suppose. Guess it’s time to find a rescue place and adopt 30 cats.
IKR? xD But it’s not that she can’t find a guy to have a child with, more like she simply has high standards, which I greatly respect.
The shi@#$ is real! Those are some disturbing conclusions you brought up, I was feeling kinda anxious reading this and then you articulated it…damn!
yep, might as well off yourself now!! lol. jk. relax, you’ll find guy to have a kid with. I’m sure this woman can find a guy to screw her and she could always get “accidentally” knocked up. she’s just making a conscientious decision to have a baby on her own…doesn’t mean she can’t find a man to have a kid with.
Congratulations! Too many women hold off what they want because of a man, whether they have one or not. Some women are forced or pressured to give up their career to have a man/family or they are made to feel guilty for having fun in their 20s or holding off marriage and kids to get an advanced degree and/or a career. Many women are in this situation nowadays and I have heard many women say that if they don’t find a man by age 35, they will find a way to get pregnant regardless. Women still have the right to have their own biological children whether they have found the one or not! Don’t let anyone keep you from living the life you want or make you feel bad about your choices if it makes you happy. Monica Cruz is beautiful and wealthy. She will have all the resources in the world to take care of a child better than a lot of married couples in this world.
Women should have the right to have their own biological children, and children should have the right to know their biology and the person half responsible for their existence, if possible and if they so choose. If it’s at all important to the woman (or in the case of surrogacy, the man) that the child is biogically hers, might we understand the idea that it might be somewhat important to the child to know their biology, and biological half-siblings? What about their feelings, their rights? It seems like they get lost in the shuffle too often.
As long as women do whatever they please, just to please themselves with no thought to any consequences or maybe what is best for the child that she so badly wants. Is this what feminism is to you?
Adopt. Yes, it takes more time and it’s a process. But why do you want an ‘easy’ way? It’s just baffling to me.
Adopt.
SO EASY!*
*it is not easy at all, particularly as a single mother, even if you are rich and famous
Number one its a long hard process. Two it can become very expensive. More expensive than IVF or sperm donation.
So what if it takes longer? Isn’t that worth a child? And if you can’t afford it, you have no business raiaing that child yourself. Sorry.
Good for her! Inspirational, frankly. And ditto on the agreeing of her being *incredibly hot*…love the attitude she’s taken! You go girl!!
I don’t know… I don’t really think this is a ‘you go girl!’ situation.
I’m happy for her and I have no doubt she’ll be a wonderful mother but we can’t deny that children need their fathers. Unless she has some way of filling that role, her decision seems a lot more selfish than it is admirable.
If she wanted to be a mother that badly, she could’ve adopted one of the thousands of children who are already in this world and in need of love.
My thoughts… I bet I’ll be accused of being judgmental but I really have no feelings attached to it. Just saying we shouldn’t condone a situation that’s not ideal for the sake of ‘girl power’ if it’s potentially detrimental to a child.
I wish her the best though.
Millions of females are raised with horrendous father figures. The ones growing up without fathers are luckier!
It nature intended children to grow up with both parents 100% of the time they wouldn’t have given men these urges to go and procreate with everything that moves *eyeroll*. A father can’t be a proper father if he has too many offspring.
Nature doesn’t give a shit. If she wants a baby and intends to love it and care for it, go ahead.
Wanting to be a mother is not selfish if at the same time you don’t want to be married or don’t want / cant find a man.
Forcing a guy you don’t want to be with or don’t want to be married to, into being the father of your child is selfish! She should not be deprived of motherhood just because there is no perfect guy for her to be found. It’s better for a child to be happy in a single parent household than in a less perfect mother/father marriage. According to your argumentation it is also wrong for couples to get divorced just because it’s better for children to have a father and a mother in the same house.
+1
People keep bringing up bad relationships with parents and spouses, as if that’s an excuse to avoid having relationships altogether.
I do wish her and her baby the best, but this is not a “You go girl” type of moment to me, either.
“the ones growing up without fathers are luckier”???? I’m sorry, but a failure of a father is directly the failure of the mother. She should have picked a better quality man to date/marry/sleep with. My father is wonderful and I would NOT have been luckier to have a single mother.
Jess, people are responsible for their own behaviour. Some people commit to their partner thinking they’ve found ‘the one’ only to find out later that said partner has not been honest with them. They gave it their best shot and it didn’t work out the way they had planned.
The same can be said of children. Some are raised with all the love and caring a child could ask for, but they don’t turn out the way their parent or parents thought they would.
But people still make the effort in their relationships and parenting, and that effort still matters even if things don’t turn out as planned.
She´d love to be so famous as her sister but she isn´t. She and Eduardo, Longoria´s ex-boyfriend always tried to milk her sister.
Mónica has been in lots of relationships, kind of a serial dater (ie Kate Hudson before second pregancy)
Adoption in Spain can last about five years if you´re lucky enough and I´m not positive but if you are not married you probably have strong burocracy impediments (from China or Rusia, the most common origin countries for adoption).
Congrats to her! Is she 37 or 35? CB says she is 35 but in the blog post she seems to indicate that she is 37?
I actually think this is wonderful. I would much rather someone like her who is mature, financially stable, and is emotionally ready to bring a child into this world having a baby this way than say that drug addict teen mom like Jenelle with all that drama and chaos being pregnant a second time.
Families come in all shapes and sizes. I hope she has a healthy, happy pregnancy. If a person, man or woman wants to be a parent but isn’t able to, we shouldn’t judge them or make them feel bad about choosing an unconventional route. I applaud her.
Her child will be loved and taken care of because she actively planned and prepared for him or her. Most people have kids by accident and not every two parent home is a happy or healthy one. Who are we to judge? I say good for her.
^ this
+2
at least we know this kid is wanted.
@PrettyTarheelFan – “I am struggling here. Monica is clearly going to love, and provide a stable home for, this child. She is ready to be a parent, and can afford assistance when needed. She has family support and love and her child will know he was wanted. These are all blessings that more children should have.”
I know what you mean about feeling a bit conflicted. I totally agree with your above statement, regarding Monica’s being very realistic (& apparently prepared) for a child.
I always feel the conflict, though, over the fact that there are SO many children out there that need that sort of home & love…Did she really need to create another child, as opposed to giving her wonderful unconditional love to one that already exists, & truly needs it?
Why are you pointing at her for this? Millions of people are getting pregnant as I type this. Go whine at them for procreating. There will always always always be orphans in the world. Is noone else allowed to have babies then?
Why are responsible adults who plan their pregnancies getting blamed for irresponsible people who have unplanned pregnancies and are either forced to give up their child(ren) or raise them in an unhealthy environment? Adoption is a wonderful thing and it is one of the most selfless acts a person can make. However, it is not for everyone nor does everyone want to take care of a child that is not biologically their own. Wanting to have biological children is a perfectly natural desire that most people both men and women have. You may call it selfish but it is biological for most to want to pass down their genes and see themselves in their children and grandchildren. Kudos to people who make the choice to adopt, but people who choose to have their own children naturally or through the help of science should not be criticized.
uau…so she only gets the “right” to have a biological child if she gets a guy to do it with her?
As Claire said, for your point to make any sense you would have to direct it to everyone having children all over the world (whether in a relationship that might or not last or not)…and maybe to yourself.
@Claire, Kibbles, & Minime – I’m afraid you mistook the intended ‘tone’ of my comment. I was never judging, or “whining at her for procreating“, at all.
I agree with you, Kibbles, when you said: “Adoption is a wonderful thing and it is one of the most selfless acts a person can make. However, it is not for everyone nor does everyone want to take care of a child that is not biologically their own.”
I was never making ‘a point’ criticizing *anyone* for their decisions on the most personal & important decisions you make in your life. THIS is what I meant, when I said I was ‘conflicted’ (which everyone seems to have completely ignored, as they all pounced on me at once).
I just mean that I *wish* adoption was a more common thing (purely for the sake of those who truly need love & support.), but did NOT, in any way, mean that there was anything at all wrong with choosing to have your own biological children. =
Hakura: I think that the way you first phrased your thoughts “sounded” a bit too judgmental, but I’m sorry if it was just a case of bad interpretation.
Adoption is very necessary and one of the most beautiful gestures in life and I fully admire the people that go through it and they do deserve all of our praise.
Still, I don’t really see why the adoption theme would fit any better here than in many other cases of pregnancy (like all those celebrities/wannabes that get pregnant from other celebrities in shady relationships, per instance). As you nicely pointed not everyone is prepared to go to the difficult process that it is to adopt and some people also have the desire of living the pregnancy and having a little baby (what can be almost impossible in adoption, at least in some countries). I just want to stress that I don’t think her attitude should be judged on this light when most probably, if she would have got pregnant from some random dude with whom she would stay for some months and who wouldn’t give a damn to this child, no one would raise this question. I think this is way better then having a child without the consent of the partner or just settle with a person that you don’t really love because you want to have a child. Of course that there are other questions about this procedure, but I think that they are more legal (like the right of the child to know who the father is) then concerning to the specific case of Monica.
P.S. Not ranting, I think I understood your point, but I just disagree in some degree from it.
@Minime – Thank you, for being kind enough to apologize (If my initial point was mistaken/misinterpreted). Something I didn’t include in my previous message was the fact that even with ‘every day pregnancies’ (that come to be the ‘old fashioned way’), I always still think about how I wish adoption was a more common choice. Like I said before, There is *nothing* wrong with wanting your own biological child, or like you mentioned, for someone to want to experience the pregnancy (which is incredibly special). I just think a lot of people don’t even consider it (adoption), or are discouraged by how long & difficult it is to go through the process.
I just know from having watched my Aunt & Uncle try for more than 10 years to have children, unsuccessfully. They spent 7 of those years on ‘the adoption waiting list’. You couldn’t have *found* better candidates to be parents- They pastor a (Pentecostal) church, & my aunt was always just amazing with me, growing up.
They were eventually able to adopt, but it’s not hard to understand why so many people are discouraged from considering it. Point being, I have nothing against anyone who uses artificial insemination, provided they’re prepared for the responsibility (but that goes for anyone). I think it’s quite brave to take control of her life goals independently, not concerned that she isn’t currently in a relationship.
As someone who doesn’t ever want children, I’ll stick to adopting puppies.
The whole donor thing is different however, she is sparing herself the whole baby daddy drama and more importantly the child also.
I fail to see how a man, blatantly out of wedlock or committment as a father is better. All the drama, the courts, the visitation and the money fights.
Watch Teen mom for one episode and tell me what advantage those losers who impregnated those girls for free provide for their child. Actaully if teen moms had to pay to get pregnant, the children would be spared a life of pain becasue neither “parent” can support themselves much less pay up front to have a child.
I know several donor babies, all well taken care of and loved dearly. Unless you are octomom, you have to be ready and committed to have a baby via donor. I wish all parents were as well prepared.
Anyone can get laid (it’s just not thst big of a deal to do it) young, old, pretty, ugly, rich or poor not everyone can be a parent.
I’m worried a lot less about this childs life than a lot of the kids I see.
still, even though their dads are losers, these babies on Teen Mom will have a chance to meet their dads, find out about them, talk to them. Ofcourse you are well loved as a donor baby, but you are going to grow up, mature, and have a part of your story missing. But I guess that’s not as big a problem as having a loser dad..so conflicted here as well.
I felt for my adopted child too when he found out daddy was in prison for being a pedophile…I’m sure you can imagine the issues a young man would have …
will I be that way?
will any woman marry me knowing this?
Was it me he abused?
Donor daddy or that daddy……at least donors are screened.
People keep bringing of criminal and abusive parents, but I don’t see the correlation. Being a sperm or egg donor should not be equated with being a criminal. It also seems like another way of denying the child their (potential) feelings, like “Sorry, kid, the choice was made for you that you have no right to know half of your biology, or any biological siblings — whether it matters to you or not — but it could have been worse so buck it up”.
@mercy: The correlation to me is why does someone have some “right” to know their bio parent? Some of them are crap and biology only goes so far. Family are the people who love you and are there for you. Sometimes that’s biological, sometimes that’s people you choose. Not knowing biology doesn’t make someone automatically lacking. I’m not lacking. Ask a bunch of adopted kids…I know one adult that chose never to find out who his parents are. He was raised by a loving family and has no need to fill some presumed missing hole.I think that everyone out there acting like a person will automatically feel like they are missing something in their lives without a bio parent around are projecting.
I think kids have rights, too. I’m not automatically assuming they will have a problem with it – not at all. But I don’t think it’s fair to assume they won’t, or encourage them to stuff their feelings they have it so much better than those kids of abusers, etc.
She did. The child would not exist without a man.
Her child might. Sometimes people take for granted what they’ve always known and put their feelings and needs ahead of the child’s potential feelings and needs.
Just because there are some bad men or parents out there doesn’t mean they should be arbitrarily cut out of a child’s life.
Enough with the secrecy. If there’s nothing to be ashamed of and it’s normal, treat it that way and give the children of donors the right to know if they so choose.
Sorry, that was in response to the “Who needs a man?” comment at the top.
The only problem I see concerning using an unknown sperm donor is that the child will never know his/her origins.
It can be disturbing for a child/future adult not to know where he/she came from, what genes he carries -> medical conditions, rare diseases and identiy problems.
My friend who was artifically inseminated has all that info just no names.
Certanly her little boy will be curious one day, I feel for him.
I felt for my adopted child too when he found out daddy was in prison for being a pedophile…I’m sure you can imagine the issues a young man would have …
will I be that way?
will any woman marry me knowing this?
Was it me he abused?
Donor daddy or that daddy……at least donors are screened.
Isn’t it a bit sad that such a stunning woman couldn’t find a loving man with whom she could start a family? I understand her decision – it’s just unbelievable that she couldn’t find the right man.
It makes me think that men now are such idiots that all women will soon have to follow her footsteps.
Why does that make men idiots? Maybe she’s the idiot.
Or maybe she likes females?
I agree with Len. At this age, if she can’t sustain an adult relationship with a man you gotta wonder.
I’m sure this baby will be loved and cared for but….. I also think this is a very selfish decision. A baby is not an object you can buy if you desire to have one. And why not ADOPTION????
people who get pregnant for free often don’t even want kids. at least this kid will most definitely be wanted, even if he/she was “bought.” I know someone who has a kid and tells me all the time she wishes she didn’t have one, in front of her kid too. is that any better? and why not adopt? i hear newborns are very hard to get, maybe she wanted her own baby with her own genetic material. what’s wrong with that? a loving person gets a child. does it really matter how”?
Adopt or get a dog.
I’ll say it for everyone else: she’s beautiful & has a very famous sister. She can’t find a man to get her pregnant? Come on. Who is the famous guy? Jardem do her a favor?
You know she is only 35ish she could still wait to see she find the right guy to get pregnant no? she is not old for it at al unless eairly menopause runs in the family. Anyways, it is good for her. She definetly wants be a parent and is ready make it happen. I think the kid will be loved very much since it is totaly wanted regardless of the means. It will get more love than say from the mom who ended up being pregnant accidently and who thinks her pregnancy is a distraction or a burden.
Monica enjoys a lengthy, successful career. Alas, acting salaries in Spain are fraction of the sums earned by her US peers. She’s probably upper middle class at best. Adoption is allegedly VERY difficult in Spain and foreign adoption is ridiculously expensive, perhaps prohibitive for most – she’s not Charlize, Sandra, et.al. The tabloid press/La Prensa Rosa is ferocious although stringent laws protecting children’s privacy do exist. Who knows if the father is actually an anonymous sperm donor or a friend/boyfriend/ex? She might be using this as a ploy to protect her child’s privacy. It’s none of our business! I wish her good luck! JeffR
Damn that family is gifted with some pretty genes that she will pass on to her son or daughter. At least this decreases the myth that you only have a problem finding good men if you are not good looking.
I did this. I had my twin sons last year at age 32 with donor sperm. As a single woman with a college degree but a working class job, this was by far the easiest and cheapest option. I have been really lucky in that I have great parents and extended family that are fully supportive and giving, but I would’ve had a child even without that support. My sons have male figures in their lives and I already belong to a sibling registry to know about other biological children the donor has (not that I’m worried about that at all). Also, my donor was an “open” donor. Meaning that my children could possibly have contact with him someday, if both sides decide to.
My decision to have children this way was not entered into lightly. I tried to think of all the ways this decision would impact my child before I got pregnant but it comes down to the fact that my children were wanted and are loved and provided for. Just because my family was created in an unconventional fashion doesn’t make it any less of a loving family.
Congratulations! Always happy to see someone who approaches motherhood thoughtfully and intelligently, understanding all the responsibilities involved.
It makes me sad reading some of the judge-y comments here. There are SO many women AND men who have babies when they are not intellectually and emotionally mature enough to handle it. I applaud any woman who takes this decision seriously and raises a child with LOVE, never mind the traditional two-parent household crap. The traditional, nuclear family is a dated view that doesn’t work for every person OR for every child.
LOVE MATTERS and love is not always defined by a father and mother.
+1
+ 1 mil
Good for you for being so thoughtful. Your kids are very lucky. I hope this kind of openness becomes more common as more people become parents this way.
Absolutely! I’m also a single mom by choice. My 5-yr-old son has a donor father. Wanting a child was never a decision for me — but worrying that I could do right as a single parent made it far and away the most difficult choice I have ever made.
In the end, I realized that no child ever has a perfect family situation — even the families that look perfect on paper. If “perfect” was a requirement for a family, then no one with a disability or a modest income should ever have a child. There should never be divorced parents or blended families. Every two-parent family should be loving and harmonious with both parents fully committed to parenting.
My son goes to bed every night knowing that he is wanted and loved beyond measure. Sadly, there are many children in two-parent families who cannot say the same.
Thanks for sharing 🙂
Why the criticism? Single women adopt & are not criticized. Charlize Theron & Kristen Davis haven’t been dissed. If a single woman chooses pregnancy by donor she wants to experience for herself the whole child-carrying & bearing process. She contributes her own DNA & may choose to nurse. She can also be very certain about the food, alcohol, drug, & tobacco intake and pre-natal care during her pregnancy. This is all very “right” in my book.
I’m sure it has nothing to do with our cultural need to police everything to do with women’s bodies. (too fat! too thin! too slutty! too independent!) And you’re totally right.
Adoptive parents aren’t making a choice to create a child who will never have the opportunity to decide what, if anything, they want to know about their biological relatives. The children are already here and in need of loving homes.
Open adoptions and surrogacies are much more common than open donor situations. Some of that stemmed from adults who were adopted as children coming forward to admit that, while they knew who their ‘real’ parents were and loved them dearly, they still wanted to know about their biological relatives.
As more people become parents via anonymous donors, I’d like to see more discussion about the potential issues surrounding the secrecy involved and a movement towards more openness whenever possible. Nothing to be ashamed of means no secrets.
There are plenty of adopted children who will never know their biological parents. Some were surrendered anonymously, others taken from brutalized conflict regions, or myriad other reasons. There are also children who will never know their biological fathers because their mother may not know who the biological father is (ie: instances of rape, if the mother is a prostitute, had a one night stand, etc). To create a narrative that there is a “right” way to bring a child into the world is a pretty slippery slope. The best thing anyone can do is accept the circumstances they’re in and create the best environment they can for the child. Human beings can be pretty emotionally resilient and can thrive in all kinds of circumstances. We should teach children to cope, not to judge.
I understand what you’re saying and I always say ‘whenever possible’. You’re talking about tragic situations. No one would choose that for a child, but it happens and there is no choice but to deal with it the best you can. But I don’t believe making a conscious, deliberate choice to create a child is the same. If there is a choice, I advocate for openness over secrecy and I’d like to see more discussion about that when it comes to egg and sperm donation, just like there is with adoption and surrogacy. That won’t happen without acknowledging the potential feelings of the child.
She’s so beautiful. I’m really happy for her.
Ugh, I shouldn’t have read the comments. Some of you are doing the most. SMH.
I’m bummed out by the fact that there are so many women that would like to be in a committed relationship with a man and have kids, and not enough men who are willing to take on that role. This leaves many women having to make some tough decisions about either giving up their dream of having children or of having children by themselves, which is a tough road to hoe. Seems to me like we’re not going a good job raising our sons. 🙁
Good for her! Congrats.
I am happy for any child who is brought into this world truly wanted.
I wish the children (and dogs+cats) already born who need loving healthy homes and families would get them.
Children need AT LEAST 2 loving nurturing parents. I think CHOOSING to be a single parent is inherently unfair to the child. Making do with the hand the universe deals is one thing, but to intentionally spawn is not admirable or worthy of congratulations (whether you are paired off or single). No partner? just buy the parts! = irresponsible.
I disagree. So if you choose a bad guy who knocks you up and abandons you, that’s understandable but having a child you can love and support yourself is not? either way, the kid hopefully has a mom who loves him/her. what’s so horrible about that? plus, just b/c a kid doesn’t have his/her father in their life, doesnt mean they don’t have a father “figure.” sheesh!
She’s gorgeous…she reminds me a bit of Eva Mendes.
Both of them are so pretty
My Mother. Husband dead. Partner dead. Daughter dead. Emotionally devastated. All that happened by the time she was 27. Raised the remaining 5 of us alone, wiping critics after critics from friends and family who let her down, was jobless at some point and still kept her head up, she went back to school and became a nurse, we got the best education and love, we never ever felt the absence of a fatherly figure nor felt the financial struggle, she gave us the sense of duty and responsibility, my brother had a part time job when he turned 18, only on weekends and only in daytime so he’d the afternoon off, my sister followed a year later, us youngest siblings would clean around in the house and do the ironing. We had a perfectly normal childhood, adulthood and were good students, hell my little brother shook hands with the president as he was in the brightest student promo and other honours, but right there Mother was struck by cancer, and she fought again, she is still in recovery. Overall we never missed out on anything. We learned from what she taught us and never sat and be victims nor lazy during real tough times. She was and still is a whole balance despite her own deep personal wounds, she is a rock.
So yeah, as much as the idea of the father/mother sounds picture perfect, sometimes it ain’t all about that, one gotta do with the circumstances and make hopefully right decisions and go for it parenting wise, all depends on the parent or parents good will and strength, it can work like it can go wrong, no matter what.
So let’s wish Monica the best as for a Mother to be. Let’s not judge. It’s not easy.
Wow I got teary. What a lady!!
In this type of situation to have a child there should be a partnership of some kind before going through this. The child will want to know his/her roots, so cruel to deprive a child of their roots. Also, look at what Octo’s kids are going through because there is no father to look out for them and to help balance her out or to help them with their upbringing.
I guess I was lucky and didn’t even realize it, I actually never really wanted to be married or have children when I was in my 20’s. Then I met a man in my late thirties and had a baby when I was 42. I had a great pregnancy, other than wanting to barf the first three months, after that it was fine. I divorced my husband but I still have my baby and she’s 18 and the best thing in my life. Never say never.
I’m sure she put a lot of thought going into it and probably didn’t want to settle for the first man she lays eyes on or some douchebag for a baby daddy because her bio clock is ticking and desperately wants a baby. No doubt this child will be surrounded by lots of love when it comes into the world, will be wanted and I sincerely hope one day she finds a man who loves her, loves her child and who is willing to be a father to her child too.