Lindsay Lohan’s new lawyer Mark Heller is everyone’s new favorite person. It’s like he’s punking all of us, especially Lindsay Lohan. It’s not that he’s flat-out inept, it’s that he’s just as much of an attention-grabbing, ethically-challenged, delusional famewhore as Lindsay. Which is a problem, obviously. Lindsay must be the most delusional person in the room! She must be the star! She must get all of the attention! She must be the most immoral, the most unethical, the most crackie! So, obviously, Lindsay is considering firing Mark Heller. TMZ actually claimed that as Lindsay flew first class to LA on Tuesday night, she was calling Shawn Holley and begging her to come back on LL’s case. Shawn allegedly refused, and now Heller is Lohan’s attorney of record in LA. And Lindsay knows that it’s a huge disaster:
Lindsay Lohan is desperately trying to hire a new criminal defense attorney but the troubled starlet is having no luck finding new representation because she is broke and viewed by many as nothing but trouble, RadarOnline.com is exclusively reporting. Lindsay despises her new attorney Mark Heller, a source close to the situation told Radar, and that has prompted her to actively hunt for a new lawyer.
“Lindsay has been on the phone calling criminal defense attorneys in Los Angeles trying to hire someone new to represent her,” the source revealed. “She absolutely loathes Mark Heller and doesn’t feel confident that he can successfully represent her.
“Lindsay called Robert Shapiro, who represented her briefly several years ago, but he was unavailable. She called four other top notch DUI attorneys, and every single one of them turned her down – one even had his assistant call Lindsay back and say he wasn’t interested.”
Lindsay fired her long-time attorney Shawn Holley earlier this month and as Radar reported exclusively the actress owes her more than $300,000! Lindsay was represented by Heller on Wednesday in a Los Angeles court hearing where her next court appearance was set for March 18. Now she’s desperate to find a new attorney for the next saga of her never-ending legal woes.
“Lindsay is absolutely stunned that this is happening to her,” the source said about the starlet being turned down repeatedly by top lawyers. “The attorneys have tremendous respect for Shawn Holley, and they know that Linsday owes her hundreds of thousands of dollars, therefore they want nothing to do with her.”
Some of the lawyers view representing Lindsay as more trouble than its worth, the source said, and believe she will regret firing Holley for a long, long time.
During Lindsay’s pre-trial hearing on Wednesday, Judge Stephanie Sautner confirmed with the actress that she did indeed want to drop Holley in favor of Heller for her latest legal quagmire – three counts of lying to cops following a car accident last summer.
Lindsay told the judge: “Yes, for today…” Judge Sautner told her this action was not just for Wednesday but applied to moving forward, and Lindsay tersely replied, “yes, going forward.”
Heller’s love for publicity is highly irritating Lindsay, the source told Radar. Heller is fond of holding press conferences, a maneuver Lindsay would rather her lawyers avoid. “The only times Shawn talked to the media was often at Lindsay’s urging because it was her rule to just lay it all out in court, and leave it at that,” the source said. “Mark had another press conference yesterday after he met with prosecutors in the case.”
Heller previously had his law license suspended five years for professional misconduct and Lindsay’s father Michael Lohan has spoken out forcefully against Heller representing his daughter.
Judge Sautner set a pretrial hearing for March 1, 2013 and said that Lindsay is not required to be in court if her counsel appears and then set the trial date for March 18, 2013.
Does anyone else think it’s hilarious that Lindsay thought she was being such a clever little crackie by firing Shawn – who she still owes major $$$ – and that it’s come back in such a big way to bite her on the ass? I have a little theory that I’m nurturing over here… maybe this will finally be the time that Lindsay has to face some consequences? And it won’t be because the California justice system (motto: #YOLO) is finally fed up with her. It’s because the Cracken got herself some horrible representation and he’s going to end up hurting her legally.
Here are some photos of Lindsay leaving Dan Tana’s on Wednesday night after she had dinner with Heller and some other people. She doesn’t look very happy, does she? She knows she made a terrible mistake!!
Photos courtesy of WENN.
“Lindsay is absolutely stunned this is happening to her….”
Quote of the year. Seriously.
What will it take her to wake up? Wish she would really spend some time in jail. Do her some good. She’s done this all to herself.
But doesn,t it sound like more of her whining ‘it’s not my fault’ boring.
Ugh. “Happening TO her.” As if she had no role in this at all, she’s just the victim here. Delusional Cracken!
He’s going to help her right into a jail cell were her orange cracken ass should be
I know! It just came out of the blue! She had no warning whatsoever that adults have to live with the consequences of their actions.
I can’t imagine what’s worse, working for Lindsey or having Lindsey stalking you begging you to work for her again.
Somehow I don’t think Shawn will ever be fully free from that trainwreck.
Lindsey calling 24/7, Lindsey sobbing outside her office, Lindsey following her. Bleh.
Shawn may need to take a refresher course called “Filing A Restraining Order 101.”
At least she thought to wear stripper boots to a meeting with her criminal lawyer.
MTE!! My God talk about professionalism..
Poor Lilo is all work, work, work all the time, hence the boots.
She makes everything she wears look cheap, that Hermes bag looks like a plastic carrier bag from Tesco on her arm (No offence to Tesco I shop there too)
Seriously.
She’s going to OD. I bet a crack pipe she OD’s soon.
It makes me really sad to say that about a person but I think she might finally be in a spot where no one will prop her up so she’ll go for a dramatic exit.
Sadly, I think you are right. The house of cards she has built herself is starting to fall. She’s run off the people who truly cared about her and the users/enablers in her life will ditch her as soon as the money runs out and the party ends.
Yeah that thought crossed my mind too.
That’s been my thought for a while now, but the other day a new one popped into my head. I think there’s a possibility she’s going to get involved with, scam or steal from the wrong person and get herself killed. I can totally see that.
I have a fear that she’s going to get in a serious auto-accident one of these days and end up killing some innocent person.
I too sadly agree with you. I think it’s just a matter of time, and not much time at that. The human body can only take so much abuse.
Actually, I don’t think she will. She will do something very dramatic to get lots of attention but nothing that will actually endanger her. If she od’s, you can be sure that there will be someone near by when she does it because she wants to make sure she will actually end up in the hospital and not dead. Just me read.
Agree with you. Some sort of pretend suicide attempt right before court that will land her in a nice cushy mental hospital for a week, and then the judge will probably say, oh, she’s crazy, i will just forget about all this “lying to police” nonsense because she’s obviously a sick, helpless little victim child.
Well you get who you blow for…….
lol. Good one!
Remember when Lilo was gay? Now I wonder if that was only because Samantha was paying her bills…
Chins up, Crackie….some idiot will come along.
chins up — that’s great!
This was a real LOL.
Phahahahaha where did all the extra chins come from? she isn’t big enough to have that many chins. It’s happened in the past year. Is is bloat from drugs and alcohol?
If I looked like her, I wouldn’t look too happy either.
I guess hiring the Fonz for a lawyer isn’t a good idea.
Ha! I was wondering if I was the only one. All I can see when I look at him is Henry Winkler (apologies to Henry Winkler).
Arrested Development, I love the Fonz as their lawyer. I’m signing up for netflix just for that show.
Barry Zuckercorn, if I recall correctly.
Did this idiot think that all the other lawyers wouldn’t hear that she stiffed Shawn $300K? She dug her own grave with this one, no real lawyer is going to rep her now, they don’t work for free you know. Delusional, crackfaced ho.
Yes. Any decent, ethical lawyer wouldn’t want Lindsay as a client. Too much drama, too much work to get her off the piling up charges, too hard to get the truth from her. And she doesn’t pay her bills.
Unfortunately I’m with those here who also think she’ll self-harm if she gets a jail sentence. Whether she does this as a last resort to get herself transferred to a “treatment centre” to bluff the judge or if she really does want to end things remains to be seen.
My sympathy for Lindsay ran out with the “f&^( you” written on her nail aimed at the judge at one of other court appearances.
That’s bullcrap. Shawn had worked out a deal where Lilo was going to be in a lockdown facility for six months in lieu of jail. Lilo refused and fired Shawn. She does not want treatment because she doesn’t believe there is anything wrong with her. So her attempting suicide to get into treatment makes no sense. She had that option and refused it.
@ la chica ‘So her attempting suicide to get into treatment makes no sense. She had that option and refused it.’
Actually those are two significantly different things.
Shawn got her a deal for an ‘inpatient, lock-up rehab facility’ for 6 months.
With an attempted suicide Cracken would be designated ‘5150’ – CA code for ‘involuntary mental health evaluation and treatment’ in an honest to God MENTAL HOSPITAL. With mandatory hospitalization for 72 hours, and no chance for an earlier discharge.
After such an event and evaluation, she would then be most likely put on some psych meds, maybe kept a few extra days over the mandatory 3, and then she WOULD MIRACULOUSLY GET BETTER, her ‘depression’ all healed, her ‘will to hurt herself’ evaporated.
With this trick she might be able to play on the judge’s, media’s and public’s emotions, and get her charges dropped for mental disease or defect. Even if the judge ordered extended stay under psychiatric care, she still might be out and moving on with her crackie life in a matter of days, maybe a few weeks. NOT 6 months!
Everybody knows the lawyer gets paid first. Although I guess in the Cracken’s case it’s crack dealer first, plastic surgeon second, then lawyer, and somewhere waaaaaaay at the bottom of the list is the IRS.
I really do hope the IRS sends her to prison. The California justice system seems to operate on the principle of “ok, one more chance.” The IRS wants its money and wants it yesterday.
She looks like a hooker. I can’t believe she wouldn’t even pay her lawyer! Who does she think she is? you don’t stiff your lawyer.
Yeah, that would be the first bill I’d pay – that lawyer could keep me safe from everyone else…..
She fired Shawn because Shawn was smart enough to realize that the prosecutor actually has decent evidence against her in this car crash case and that acquittal isn’t realistic, so Shawn started to negotiate a plea. Lindsay probably couldn’t stand the idea that Shawn believed in her guilt and fired her because of that. She’s straight up delusional at this point. She’s not trying to fire Heller because he’s inept, she dislikes him because he can’t let her be the star of her own drama. But TMZ reported that Heller is repping her at an extremely reduced rate for publicity, so she’s probably stuck with him. Lawyers tend to know about bum clients who don’t pay – LL probably has a reputation!
That makes complete sense. Lindsay also probably couldn’t stomach the thought of potentially going to rehab or worse, jail.
Mother Crackhead probably wasn’t thrilled either about her only source of income, The Cracken, going away to a lock-down rehab for six months. Dina most likely had some input into the decision to fire Shawn as well.
This makes sense. If Lilo gets put away for six months, how will White Oprah survive?
Okay, the California Justice System motto YOLO made me choke on the milk I was drinking. That was REALLY funny.
I had a good laugh over that too :D.
Hey Lind’s, Guess blowing all your money partying instead of paying your lawyer and your bills kinda seems like a bad idea now?
I expect if you said that to her face, she would only stare at you blankly, unable to comprehend the words.
And then she’d throw a glass at your head, just on principle.
Bang on.
If I was a Californian I’d be so p*ssed off- imagine how many tax dollars have been spent on all of Lindsay’s trials, pre-trials, etc.
There are defense lawyers willing to defend murderers and rapists, yet, Lohan can’t find another lawyer willing to represent her? Yikes. Maybe the court should just appoint one for her.
Perhaps murderers are better at paying their legal bills on time…
Dewey, Cheatham, & Howe would not touch crackie with a ten foot pole.
Who are they? A large firm?
Dewey, Cheatem & Howe is the name of a fictional shyster law firm used in Three Stooges movies. (Say the names out loud.)
Oh… that is funny! Not a stooges fan? Maybe i should watch them! Ha!
I don’t see her ODing ever. Her sustance abuse issues are not Amy Winehouse bad. I think her contempt for the law and her issues with money will be her downfall, and she has burned so many bridges that no one is going to bail her out. I see the IRS getting her for tax evasion and that you can’t play with. I legit think her greed is what will land her in jail. Maybe another heist?
If things had to end for her quickly I see a drunken car crash. But I doubt it. I see no premature death or tragedy. I see serious jail time. I sure hope so.
How do you know they are not as bad a Amy Winehouse’s?
Are you here drug dealer?
She’s not a walking skeleton running down her driveway in her underwear, for starters.
Yeah, I see her as a “IV drip” drinker rather than a binge drinker. She’s got that vodka/water bottle with her all the time, but seldom seems totally obliterated.
A nurse friend of mine says the constantly-drunk ones seem to do more brain damage to themselves. The human body is evolved to deal with occasional poisonings, and binge drinkers make themselves so sick that they have to sober up afterward. The IV drip drinkers, however, never give their cells a chance to recover.
All you have to do is look at her to see her clock is ticking. She is destroying her liver with her drinking, she’s so young and yet we see her booze bloat all the time. No way will she make it long if she doesn’t clean up her act.
Jose Baez needs a new high profile mess to defend. Maybe he will represent her.
LOL I just came on here to post that same thought!
She’s”Stunned”, seriously? What needs to be explained to her? The fact karma has come around to get her? The fact she has burned all her bridges? Where in the world did she get a car to drive? Whoever u are, please buy her some SOAP & SHAMPOO.
@ janie ‘Where in the world did she get a car to drive? Whoever u are, please buy her some SOAP & SHAMPOO.’
Bwahahahahahhaha!
This is easily one of the funniest comments I ever read on any Cracken thread. You made my weekend 🙂
She finally got the lawyer she deserves.
Everyone needs to totally ignore her. She cannot take care of herself and demands people to do it for her. Send her to jail for a few years with out parole.
How can she be soo orange and pale at the same time?
How can she be skinny, yet has double chins?
Why is she wearing a jacket that looks like it was made from a gorilla?
“Cocaine is a helluva drug”
She’s “Rick James, bitch!”
Lol
Whenever I feel bad about myself or my life, I remind myself that I’m not Lindsay Lohan, and immediately feel better.
When it gets a bit hectic at work I say to myself if LL can get through life you can get through today
Using this.
Heller looks like my lesbian Aunt Maude.
How does she make designed clothes look so battered and cheap looking
They get creased up under her coat when she half-inches them from the shop/photo shoot/stripper delete as appropriate.
Gee since she thinks she’s so smart and always seems to find a way around getting nothing more than a slap on the wrist for her antics, why doesn’t she just represent herself?
does she have jaundice?
Liver damage from alcohol and drugs can do that.
So can a fake tan.
I hope Dan Tanas made her prepay for her meal.
she keeps spending money on first class tickets, expensive purses, shoes but doesnt pay her lawyer. And then she really thinks someone will represent her!!
Given this new layer’s past (he had his law license suspended five years for professional misconduct) I’m pretty sure that if he doesn’t receive any money, he’ll be trouble.
No keep that lawyer. He was hilarious at the hearing. Haven’t laugh like that in good while
The rabbit’s foot was my favorite part of the whole shtick. What a doofus.
I’m stunned that any attorney would o minute to work with any client who owes $300k +, with costs rising every minute and no foreseeable way by which payment will ever be rendered !! WTH!!! And then to allow that client to state that she fired YOU? WTH again!! Does Ms. Holley enjoy seeing herself photographed that much, that its worth never seeing that $300k+ again?
She knows she’s not getting a dime and doesn’t care anymore. Hermes and Louboutin will get the cash, not Shawn.
I know we’ve been saying this for years now but she is really(I hope)screwed this time. As Lainey put it yesterday, Mark Barry Heller Zuckercorn is the worst thing for her, but the best thing for us!
Not being able to pay aside, I’m not surprised she can’t find anyone else to represent her. She’s a trainwreck, and even worse, she’s a belligerent, delusion, cracked out nuclear explosion of a trainwreck. After seeing what Shawn had to go through with her, no wonder no one wants to touch her with a 10 foot pole while wearing a hazmat suit!
Nope, wrong. The ONLY reason she can’t get a lawyer is because she is BROKE. If she had any $$$, they would be lining up to help her. It’s hard to get a good lawyer on credit. Shawn was stuck with her because you cannot abandon your client. But if said client fires you…
Is that her Halloween costume?
As my Gammy would say, “The chickens have come home to roost.” Or as my Momma would say, “You made your bed, you lie in it.”
Best of all, the “chickens” are turkey vultures
She looks extremely sad in these pictures, that was my first thought. Almost makes me feel sorry for her.
Mmmyeah, I don’t get “sad” so much as “extremely annoyed that people aren’t doing what she tells them to do”.
Cracken could hire Skeletor as her lawyer and she’d still get off with a gentle pat on the wrist. If this was a normal member of the public they’d be in jail by now.
You don’t live in CA, obvs, where we’ve recently released about 30,000 felons early because there’s not enough room to keep them and we won’t build new prisons.
Of course, I sure wish they’d use her crackiness as an example at SOME point.
And the Sheriff doesn’t want the headache/expense that is the cracken in his jail.
Shawn Holley was the ONLY thing she had going for her- she lost her looks, she lost her career, she lost her self-respect, but she had a great defense attorney who, because she is so well-respected in the LA legal community, was able to get her out of trouble again and again and again…
It makes total sense that Crackie would ruin the only good thing in her life, because she has ruined everything else.
Well, if Lindsey does end up learning from this extremely hard lesson, maybe there’s hope for her to also learn how to live her life. Touch and go though…
So, so dumb firing her lawyer.
Ugh, those boots. You are not “Pretty Woman”, Crackie.
ROFL!!!! Exactly! You just know the restaurant employees were praying that she was wearing underwear … but just in case, they probably burned the chair she sat on.
Funny you mentioned that, because I thought “Dear God, there is NO WAY I would want to be the person sitting in that booth” (because you KNOW she insisted on a booth) “after her!!”
Can you imagine?!?
uhhh….something’s up allright….Roachie actually, well, her face (despite bloating and 2nd chin) looks good in these pics (minus the Planet Of the Apes costume…
“I’m NOT A MONKEY!!! I’m Lindsay LOHAN! You DAMN DIRTY APE!).
huhhh…strange.
I agree. That hair colour and level of spray-tan actually suit her. I think the dark outfit also helps wash out some of the facial evidence of hard living.
these photos are a stark contrast to the court photos. I am home sick (really your honor) today so I’m laying here pondering the transformation & can only think she doesn’t do mornings-she only comes out at night. She’s a crackpire.
It seems no one is willing to take Lindsay anymore… Casting Agents, Hotel, Lawyers, Creditors, Landlords… The only ones willing to take her are rich johns and her mother.
Tell me, Lindsay? Was the bed you made for yourself worth it?
^this!
Zero sense of self awareness. Zero.
Also, if I were Hermes,I would pay her NOT to carry that bag.
I wonder if she knows he was Jon Gosselin’s attorney. Maybe she found out and that’s why she wants to dump him.
is this going to be her new strategy, fire the lawyer and have the trial postponed?
I dont think the court would let her fire him at this point. Remember Shawn Holley tried to quit but they made her stay & rep LL.
Six degrees of WTF? Milo (daddy dearest) used to hang with John Gosselin. Kate Major was John’s girlfriend. Heller repped John Gosselin for a short time. Now Milo has a baby with John Gosselin’s ex-gf. Did slimy daddy urge Lilo to let Heller rep her?
I wondered this too but I read somewhere that Slime Senior has spoken out against Heller.
Her face is completely destroyed at the age of 26. She will never get it back, even if she gets healthy & stops the injectables. How sad.
I dont like to wish ill on anyone, but do think that a nice long stint in jail followed by an even longer stint in rehab, might be her only chance to turn her life around. Look what it did for Robert Downey Jr.
Alas, we all know that wont happen. I dont see the California Court system keeping her locked up longer than 1 month, even with a shitty lawyer.
RDJ got to the point where he wanted help, though. He’s said himself that he had to be ready to realise he needed help, etc. before he was able to finally get better. Does anyone really believe Lohan capable of that kind of epiphany?
It’s hard to break free of your parents though. And that was part of RDJ’s problem too, doing drugs with his Dad, etc. As much as I can’t stand LiLo’s behavior, I just can’t get over her horrible parents and how they continue to feed off her.
Her face and her hair are the same colour..
There once was a girl named Lohan
who had to give men a good blowin
to pay all her bills
and buy all her pills
can’t get no more jobs except ho’in
LOL! 😀
i love you!!!!! omg!!!!!
It seems like our little freckled grifter got herself some sort of gig in Dubai with Mr. Pink energy drink.
Make that money, Crackie.
Is that hat now also sewn onto her weave tracks?
Also, never knew tinsle came in spray on tan shades.
If this is her witches’ outfit she needs a pointier hat and a broom.
Wow, it must have been wild jumping a shark, eating at Al’s and going to court with Arthur Fonzarelli yesterday Linds!
What a big day for the Cracken!
OMG she looks a little “bumpy” there. Next tactic: get pregnant? Bwahahaha!
No one with a good reputation is going to work for Lindsay and not get paid. Everyone knows she owes Shawn over $300,000 they won’t do the same silly thing. I think it’s a case of birds of a feather flock together. Lilo and her new lawyer were made for each other. Bet she get’s some jail time going by what he has done so far I think that is a realistic thing to expect. Lilo is looking worried because she knows it too. She should have taken the deal Shawn worked out but no little innocent Lindsay can’t be expected to actually be punished for doing the wrong thing. I hope the new job actually does something this time around. I think Lindsay’s ego is far to big for her to do something to herself. Bet Dina is panicking how will she pay her bills? Not that Lilo can help anymore anyway it seems even the johns have thrown in the towel.
OT: Justjared has new pics of her and she has tons of healing bruises on her legs and butterfly band aids too!
http://www.justjared.com/2013/02/01/lindsay-lohan-shoeless-after-court-appearance/
Omg, She’s such a wreck! xD
Apropos of nothing, this Lindsay interview on Alan Carr: Chatty Man cracks me up.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-l5asO-Gtdo
How on god’s earth is this addled, entitled, destructive, no good hasbeen grifter only TWENTY SIX YEARS OLD?
I am looking down the barrel of forty and I look better than her.
PLEASE American government agencies, USE her face on the Faces of Meth campaign.
In five short years, this chick has gone from cute, fresh faced rising star to drugf*cked, dirty hooker.
Just say no, kids.
Note the Birkin knockoff…
Classy.
These two belong with each other. Honestly, Mark Heller might be her Richard Burton, LOLOLOLOLOL!