Lindsay Lohan’s cracked-out ‘branding manager’ is her lawyer’s son, Mike Heller

I love/hate how some media outlets still pretend that Lindsay Lohan is still some kind of A-list woman who can have her pick of whatever dude she wants. Like, we’re supposed to pretend that Lindsay is forever frozen in 2004 amber, before she was this cracktastrophe we see before us. Some outlets are always up for reporting on Lindsay’s latest “boyfriend” and I just think we’ve gotten to the point where everyone is like, “You mean her new john, right?” Well, Lindsay’s latest john/boyfriend is allegedly some dude named Avi Snow. He’s 26 years old, he’s a guitar player for City of the Sun and PLEASE go buy his album so he can stop stunt-dating the Cracken, okay? A source told E! News that their relationship is in “the early stages” but another source says that Avi and LL aren’t really dating. You don’t say.

Here’s something altogether dirtier though – Fox News has a fascinating piece about Lindsay’s association with the Heller family. Apparently, her lawyer Mark Heller isn’t the only Heller she’s involved with legally – Mark Heller’s son Mike makes all sorts of “arrangements” for Lindsay’s “branding”.

For weeks, many have been scratching their heads and wondering why Lindsay Lohan dumped her California court-ace attorney Shawn Holley, for the once non practicing New York lawyer Mark Heller. But as it turns out, her Heller bond extends far beyond the court house.

The troubled actress has long been friends and business associates with Mark Heller’s son Michael, a prominent Hamptons club promoter turned entrepreneur. Her lawyer’s son works to stage celebrity photo ops and brand-related party appearances. Meaning, Heller Jr. is seemingly the one providing the once promising film star with a means of income now that her movie career is pretty much non-existent.

“Mike books gigs for Lindsay and they’ve known each other for a long time,” a Lohan camp insider told FOX411’s Pop Tarts column. “She’s not likely to part ways with his father [attorney Mark Heller] anytime soon, because of her strong ties to his son. Without brand promotion, Lindsay would be in a lot deeper financial trouble.”

And apparently, Heller’s son knows how to deliver when the going gets tough. We’re told the younger Heller, who is founder, president and CEO of Talent Resources, was the one who worked his magic and coordinated the Mr. Pink private jet to ensure Lohan made it to court on Monday.

“I can’t comment on that,” the younger Heller told us. “All her deals are confidential.”

According to the Talent Resources website, the New York-based firm “provides a full-service marketing and creative strategy development” and essentially brings brands and big names together for organic PR purposes. It lists Lindsay Lohan as one of the celebrities the company works with, in addition to a slew of other hot commodities including Miley Cyrus, Zac Efron, Olivia Munn and Kim Kardashian.

Last year, Michael Heller told The Hollywood Reporter that he worked both as Lohan’s entertainment lawyer and manager, and it wasn’t until she went off to rehab that he realized he could make the celebrity/brand marriage a fully-fledged business. Back in the day, he coordinated deals for the then-20-year-old star to do traditional ad campaigns for Miu Miu and Jill Stuart, and cut down on her cigarette smoking by always toting smokeless tobacco product Ariva. And he still hustles for her today.

“We still work with Lohan but not as a manager, but as a broker,” Mike Heller confirmed, explaining that his company bridges the gap between talent and brands.

Heller added that Lohan has known his attorney father for over a decade and their relationship is nothing new.

“When she had her [New York] legal situation [an alleged bar brawl last November] she brought him on as her attorney and was extremely happy with the result. She felt safe and very comfortable with him and decided to replace her LA legal team and have my dad cover as her main lead attorney,” Mike Heller said. “She had seen a lot of his legal wins through the years and knew many people he worked with and how happy they were with his counseling.”

And despite speculation to the contrary, Lohan is said to be beyond satisfied with her current legal representation.

“She is extremely happy with him and never gave up on him no matter what the media twisted and said about my father. She trusted him and now is happy she listened to her gut instinct because he got her a way, way better deal than she was originally being offered,” younger Heller said, noting that the now persistent stories of “witness tampering” directed at his father are totally “fake.”

“But at the end of the day it’s about the results,” he told us. “And my dad got them.”

Yet regardless of what happens, our Lohan insider said the “Liz & Dick” star isn’t likely to turn her back on the Heller family.

“Lindsay and Mike go way back. He even introduced her to [former girlfriend] Samantha Ronson,” added our source. “There’s no way she would let him down by ditching his dad. But essentially, it is Mike who keeps that whole connection alive.”

A rep for Lohan did not immediately respond to a request for comment.

[From Fox News]

Ooooh, so much delusion, so many double entendres. “Works to stage celebrity photo ops and brand-related party appearances” = offers Lindsay-beejs to Mr. Pink’s owners. “All her deals are confidential” = we can’t just give away the names of Lindsay’s johns! “But at the end of the day it’s about the results” = Yes, Mark Heller is just as crackie as his client and he got her the same deal that prosecutors were offering all along! This is such a mess. But at least it’s good to know that Dina Lohan isn’t Lindsay’s main pimp.

Oh, and this was in Page Six this morning.

Lindsay Lohan’s court-ordered date with rehab isn’t stopping the fallen starlet from making high-flying plans before she’s required to report to a facility May 2. A flabbergasted source close to Lohan told us: “Lindsay’s pre-rehab plan? A week with Charlie Sheen in LA, then she wants to go to Brazil. I kid you not.” Her plans with Sheen include a guest appearance on his FX series, “Anger Management.” The job next week will take two days to shoot, though we hear Lohan will stay in LA for at least an additonal week after copping a plea Monday to spend 90 days in a rehab to avoid jail. In the “Anger” episode with Sheen, “He’s a therapist, and she’ll play a patient who falls in love with him,” Lohan’s lawyer Mark Heller told Page Six. Heller didn’t get back to us about her Brazil plans. And as for reports that the “Liz & Dick” star went to 41 Ocean in Santa Monica on Wednesday night to see her new boyfriend, Avi Snow, perform, Heller said, “Lindsay is a beautiful young woman who has many pursuers and many boyfriends.”

[From Page Six]

So shady. SO SHADY.

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet.

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48 Responses to “Lindsay Lohan’s cracked-out ‘branding manager’ is her lawyer’s son, Mike Heller”

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  1. brin says:

    Ooooh…there’s going to be Heller to pay if she doesn’t get it together.

  2. A says:

    Oh, Linds. I hope she gets her shit together one day.

  3. Joanna says:

    “beautiful young woman with many boyfriends and pursuers?” lmao

  4. lucy2 says:

    Wow, she sure is a star. Not every girl can have TWO pimps.

  5. janie says:

    I’m so tired of Lindsay’s antics… But i’d rather hear about her than the K-trash clan

  6. Dea83 says:

    She’s lost grip long time ago…

  7. Cecada says:

    Wasn’t she telling her lawyer to “shut up” and “I’m going to kill you” in court? She obviously has a LOT of respect for her “old friend’s” father (eyeroll)…

    And LL isn’t going to let the paycheck for her Anger Management episode sit around either…or be used to pay off debts, for that matter. Instead she’s off to Brazil to party her butt off. What else is there for her to do? What else does she care about?

    Yeah, I predict toilets stopped up all around the set of AM and OF COURSE a passport is about to be “lost” somewhere in South America.

    I predict that LL won’t be anywhere NEAR a treatment facility on May 2.

  8. Cecada says:

    I just noticed that LL looks cross-eyed in the top pic. LOL

  9. Albert says:

    Ugh. Mike Heller is dirty scum. I’ve known “of” him for several years and personally witnessed the douche around Lindsay and various hangeroners in Los Angeles. He provides LOTS of drugs, lots of decadence and lots of questionable business deals. A few years ago a lowly booker from a talk show was sleeping with (bisexual) Heller in hopes of nabbing an interview with Lindz. Of couse, Cracken never made it on the show, but youngish Heller kept making promises as he slept with the booker until he tired of her. It’s a sickening situation and it’s people like Mike and Mark Heller who – ultimately – will be labeled villains in her death. (27 Club is just around the corner, people.)

    • NerdMomma says:

      Ugh. Info like that tells us that there is no way Lohan is going to recover, or get out of this hole, or make a comeback. That’s who she has around her? Rehab will do nothing for her.

    • erin says:

      thanks for confirming what seemed obvious. i’ve never, ever met a “club promoter” who wasn’t a shady douchebag. period.

  10. Bacon! says:

    “Lindsay is a beautiful young woman who has many pursuers and many boyfriends.”???

    This guy went to the Blanche Devereaux school of public speaking.

  11. dcypher1 says:

    that show anger management is horrible i dont think it will last that much longer especially with the crackie on it.

  12. elceibeno08 says:

    “Lindsey is a beautiful young woman” Mark Heller must have been high when he said that. Lindsey would have to be clean of drugs, stay home at night to catch her rest, diet and exercise for a whole year to recapture her youthful looks. She has missed so many beauty sleeps, she has gotten so many drug bloats, too many spray tans, etc. Lindsey needs a entire team of experts to help her become normal again. Lindsey looks seedy and sleazy. She ruined her body, career and reputation.

  13. Happymom says:

    His “legal wins”, right. Here’s a link to an article in the NY Times showing what a legal genius and stand up guy Marc Heller is:

    http://www.nytimes.com/2010/05/23/nyregion/23lawyer.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0

    • Cecada says:

      Wow. Thanks for the link.

      What a troll this dude is.

    • boo says:

      Thanks for the link Happymom, that was a good read. This pairing is going to be comedy gold! The first thing I noticed about this so called lawyer is that each time there is a court hearing he does a media conference outside of court. So there is his need for publicity and if you look at pictures of Lilo he is right next to her, getting in all the shots. This guy is such a shyster. and she’s so stupid she thinks she’s getting away with something, if anyone brings her down, it will be her twit of a lawyer.

    • Sassy says:

      The person who is being victimized by Heller, this time, is Lindsay Lohan. I feel so sorry for this young woman. Her life is a tragedy with the crazy mother, nutzo father, and now a wacko attorney (formerly disbarred, now preying on Lindsay, who is off her nut). If she survives intact to 30 years of age, it will be a miracle. By survive, I mean, if she is alive.

  14. MoxyLady007 says:

    Do ya’ll remember Labrinth with David Bowie and Jennifer Connely?

    Lohag’s lawyer looks just like the troll from that movie. Or a Gringots goblin.

  15. serena says:

    LOL many boyfriends.

  16. shanaynay says:

    She is SO Long Island trash.

  17. erin says:

    my new theory, and i really think this could be true –
    Mike Heller is her dealer, and she has an agreement with him to use his dad as her lawyer in all this in exchange for erasing her drug debts. it makes perfect sense, why else would she drop Shawn Holley?

  18. Shelley says:

    Ok – rabbit’s foot dangling from the briefcase? Just…?!?! Laughable if not so gross.

    • tyler says:

      I KNOW! How bizarre is that? I would be a little unsettled if I saw someone like my doctor or my lawyer with a lucky rabbit’s foot. Don’t think I’ve seen one of those since the 4th grade.

  19. Sarcasmo says:

    LOL @ ROL’s story about Blohan not paying her lawyer! No sh!t, she hasn’t paid the last one. And probably the one before that. And the one before that…

  20. erika says:

    i heard lilo might have to do jail time because NY does not have lockdown rehabs. state law does not allow lockdown, patients in NY can leave voluntarily…

    which (if true) means lilo would have to do JAIL time instead!!! say that Hller knew this but wanted to publicly get what Lilo wanted (so he could look good).

    this Heller dude, I LOVE HIM, the anti thesis of Holly Lawyer.

    I got some stomach acid reflux when i read about this avi snow guy. Are there really guys out there BEGGING for an STD? i head he flew on private jet w/ her out to LA for court.

    I seriously doubt this story for the mere fact that lilo is a walking petri dish of biological warfare if i ever knew of one….

    • Sarcasmo says:

      erika – While I hope you’re right (she has to serve her time in jail instead), knowing what a slippery Cracken she is, I bet she’ll wind up in “voluntary facility” and leave on her own. Probably the plan all along.

      Colour me jaded.

    • warrior says:

      You heard or read it on another gossip site.

  21. Kathryn says:

    Everytime I read his last name I say it like Madea says “Shut the hell up”

  22. WendyNerd says:

    What should we expect? No one respectable wants anything to do with her anymore. That’s why it’s so funny when she posts things like wanting to do a Thelma and Louise/Natural Born Killers hybrid flick with Jennifer Lawrence. Or when she tries to tweet Vanity Fair during the presidential debates. She’s a complete joke, so that’s who she’s working with. The association she has these days is CHARLIE FREAKIN’ SHEEN.

  23. Belle Epoch says:

    An article awhile ago said the son was her drug supplier. Sounds right.

    What about the report that there ARE NO lockdown facilities for LL to go to in New York? Her lawyer suggested that there were and made the deal… But there aren’t?

  24. KellyinSeattle says:

    Her lawyer reminds me of a mean drunk.

  25. Dani V says:

    The lawyer has a bad dye job and pics of him always make me laugh. Her court get-up was ridiculous.

    Lindsey is delusional but dang if it doesn’t work for her. Charlie Sheen will probably pay for her rehab stint.

  26. Sarcasmo says:

    Dani – They should qualify for a couples discount at rehab.

  27. Decloo says:

    Clearly she is sticking by the senior Heller as lawyer because she’s getting the work pro-bono in exchange for the branding fees the son is getting.

  28. constance says:

    I cringe when I see people wearing the Rosary as a fashion statement, and in this case a futile way to appear something she is not. It has deep meaning to people and she seems to be incapable of reflection on her life choices or direction. CrackHo no. Appearing to respect religious beliefs in court in just… no. Not for you.