I know many of you won’t care about this, but the ascension of and concentrated interest in Alexa Chung has always been fascinating to me. America may have to answer for the Kardashian clan, but England has to answer for Alexa Chung, who seems just as useless as any two random Kardashians put together. But for whatever reason (“thinness”), Alexa continues to be seen as a legitimate style star in England. They keep giving her Vogue UK covers! This one – for October 2013 – is her third cover in as many years. She’s like a less talented Blake Lively. The cover shot is by Patrick Demarchelier, and to promote the issue, Alexa is going to be the contributing guest editor of Vogue.co.uk next Monday.

So why did Alexa get the cover? You’re going to love this – she’s written a book. The book is called It. As in, that creepy Stephen King book about the clown!!! CLOWN LIBEL. Obviously, Alexa’s “it” is about “the it factor” I’m assuming, although the description of the book is so vague and insipid, you can understand my confusion:

On Tuesday evening a nervous Alexa Chung wrote on Twitter: “Anxiety dream waiting to happen: signing copies of my book 5-7pm at Liberty in LDN tomorrow. Keep me company? #tumbleweed”. But she needn’t have worried – a gaggle of mates, including Pixie Geldof, Daisy Lowe and Laura Bailey, turned out to support Chung’s latest project last night in London.

Wearing an off-the-shoulder lace Carven dress (that’s two in two days – she wore a pale blue silk dress by the French label to the GQ Men of the Year awards on Tuesday evening) Chung posed for pictures with her new book, entitled It, and signed copies for her adoring public, some of whom had been queuing at Liberty since 2pm.

So what’s all the fuss about? Chung has been coy about the book in the run up to its release, stating that it is categorically NOT a style bible, nor an autobiography. It is also categorically not related to Stephen King’s book of the same title, about a terrifying clown.

No, this is a collection of illustrations, photographs and observations from Britain’s most stylish model/presenter/writer. Gems include:

“I have a weird mental block every time I go shopping that means I forget what I already own the moment I cross the threshold into the store.”

“My relationship with my denim hot pants is incredibly special.”

“Eyeliner aside, sometimes I go crazy and add a red lip to my make-up look, but it has to be a very special occasion.”

Nabokov’s Lolita is her favourite book, and the title character is “also my favourite character to reference when getting dressed in summer months. It can look ridiculous if you’re under 16 or over 25 but I’m willing to keep paying tribute to this limby literary icon…at least for the time being.” Chung is 29.

“Looking effortless takes a lot of effort. When I get new Converse I dedicate some time at home to shoving mud on them so they don’t look squeaky clean.”

David Sexton at the Evening Standard was a little scathing in his review, claiming that “the whole book is best understood as one great big enhanced selfie”; from today, readers can make their own judgements.

[From The Telegraph]

Alexa explained the book this way to Vogue: “It’s definitely not an autobiography, but it’s me writing, so in a way it probably will have that element.” Basically, this is from The Gwyneth Paltrow School of Writering and Bloggering. Just throw together some random photos and blurbs and ideas and declare yourself a Writer with an official Book, and bam! There you go. What kills me a little is the idea that there could possibly be a market for this crap. I mean, do people really fan-girl Alexa Chung to the point where they were just begging for a book full of her doodles?

Also – beware of any grown-ass woman who describes her style icon as LOLITA. For the love of!!!!!!

One last quote, this is Alexa describing what she’s good at: “If I can get dressed well, then that’s what I’m good at, visuals. Putting things next to things.” Seriously.

Photos courtesy of Vogue UK, Fame/Flynet and WENN.