As I previewed on Monday, Kate Winslet covers the November issue of Vogue. Vogue hasn’t released their cover story online yet, but various outlets have some interesting little pieces of info. As for the Mario Testino photoshoot – which has been released, and you can see Vogue’s slideshow here – I like everything but the cover shot. The cover shot makes Winslet look like a Barbie. But the rest of the pics are rather gorgeous, and they are giving me more of an Annie Leibovitz vibe than Mario Testino. Apparently, Kate and Mario are old friends, and she was even jokingly cursing him out during the shoot, yelling: “Actually, Mario, do you even know how to take a fackin’ photograph?” Page Six also says that Kate discussed motherhood:
Kate Winslet’s willingness to tackle difficult and at times morally ambiguous roles has led many to call her the best actress of her generation and earned her an Oscar.
Her openness to take on such conflicted characters may be due to an affinity with their complex life choices. While the actress, 38, has earned plenty of praise for her acting, her personal life – three marriages and two children, with another on the way with new husband Ned RocknRoll – has come under plenty of scrutiny.
Winslet had some choice words for critics in a career-spanning interview that appears in the November issue of Vogue.
“People go, ‘Oh, my God! Those poor children! They must have gone through so much.’ Says who?” the actress said when asked about the criticism she’s received for her private life.
“They’ve always been with me,” she continued. “They don’t go from pillar to post; they’re not flown here and there with nannies. That’s never happened. My kids don’t go back and forth; none of this 50/50 time with the mums and dads – my children live with me; that is it. That is it!”
Winslet said that while her children do have good relationships with their fathers – past husbands include Jim Threapleton and Sam Mendes – she is glad to be the parent with whom they live.
As heated as Winslet may have gotten in the interview, the actress’s overly pristine look on the cover is more likely to be the big talking point when the issue hits newsstands on Wednesday.
Wait, what? Mia never spends time with her dad Jim? And Joe never sees his father Sam Mendes? I understand that she’s defending herself and her mothering skills, but I kind of wonder if she’s going overboard and overcompensating for what is probably joint custody relationships all around.
Also: Kate apparently Googles herself during the course of the interview. She also says, “I’m really good with coming up with the best answers as soon as the interview is over.”
Photos courtesy of Mario Testino/VOGUE.
Where does it say they never see their dads? I think she’s just saying they don’t live in both places, like kids who split a week between 2 houses, or every other week, etc.
I do like the other photos.
Yeah, kaiser comment left me scratching my head. She clearly states they have great relationships w/their dads. Perhaps, they do have joint legal custody but she has sole custody. Idk but nowhere in that comment did she say the don’t ever visit their dads; in fact, she said the exact opposite.
**sole physical custody, I mean
As a kid who spent every Wednesday night and every other weekend at my dads’, I find it a bit condescending for her to act as though her arrangement is so superior.
She doesn’t say the kids NEVER see their dads, but it certainly doesn’t sound as though they see them often. She actually also doesn’t say that they ever DO visit their dads.
She makes it sound like it benefits the kids to see their fathers less than they see her.
ita, while she didnt quantify the time they spend with their fathers, it does sound like less
i dont know why she thinks that makes her arrangement superior. i tend to think the opposite.
Yes! I am getting a Golden Uterus vibe. She has them therefore they will live with her. Many kids split time between their parents with no problem.
So what if she has a “golden uterus” vibe. Shouldn’t all women treasure their ability to procreate? And if she stood her ground and it was agreed the kids have one home, can’t this be a golden gonads thing too? Obviously she said the relationship was good with the x’s so apparently the arrangement is for the good of the kids, not the selfish “50 50” needs of the parents to be equally golden.
This is a relevant debate. It serves the kids if the mom stays the nurturer and the kids have one home. Unless the mom willingly gives it up, or it forced to because of overt dysfunction. Can’t dads just be dads and let the kids have stability? OR must men breastfeed now to show how golden their gonads can be??!!
Why would it serve the kids better if she was the “nurturer” as you put it? Being a woman doesn’t equal best parent.
Not all women want to procreate and not all women who did make good mothers. That alone smacks of golden uterus.
My first thought when I read your comment was “Ew, there are people who really think like this?” Seriously disturbing.
Wat?
I love the editorial, even though I wasn’t impressed with the cover.
Also: “I’m really good with coming up with the best answers as soon as the interview is over.” — I think that’s what happens with pretty much anyone who’s ever been asked anything ever. On a job interview, on a date… We’re all so much wittier and smarter without the pressure 🙂
Oh most definitely, I leave an interview get in my car and think of the perfect answer and kick myself. Because there is no way you can go back in there without looking like a raving lunatic. Same thing happens when I get called back for interview 2, whatever great answers I have go flying out the window.
As for the “50/50 split” comment, she didn’t say they (dads) never see the kids, all she said was that they live with her. The answer annoyed me a bit at first but now that I have thought about it, most divorced moms would prefer their kids living with them.
Sorry for rambling, she looks beautiful in these photos.
Maybe she was just trying to emphasize stability with her children because she has 3 children with 3 daddies and she is still in her 30’s. (wait is she still in her 30’s)
So that lends itself inherently to a lot of family churn. Each child visits with a different dad. Holidays must be busy.
Unless she is subtly jabbing her two ex husbands because they are not actively involved in her kids lives ?? Maybe Ned is picking up where the kids’ dads dropped off??
OK –
I think you’re on point with this. I like Kate and I’m not throwing moral shade on her for having children by three different men, but she may be self-conscious and overly defensive because of it.
I support fathers getting equal time to their kids, but when there are three different fathers, you could set up a situation where those three kids are having minimal interaction in their mother’s home. That would be sad. Maybe that’s why she’s appearing a little controlling about it.
It happens to me virtually every time I speak. I wake up in the middle of the night thinking how I should have worded a comment here, for heavens sake.
I did actually say to Mr. Rochester once “you know what I would have been a funny response when he asked me ‘Do you take this man to be your lawful husband… ‘”
lol
:-). :-).
Rewriting the scene post-filming, I call it. I do it all the time. LOL.
The French even have a phrase for it! “Esprit d’escalier” – literally “the wit of the stairs”, or the witty comeback you think of once you’ve already left the room and are walking downstairs fuming. XD
Ah the French! Love.
Merci beaucoup!
That’s one thing I like about Celebitchy. Besides having great laughs reading the witty comments, you can also learn interesting stuff, like this French expression. Thanks!
Absolutely! The French even have a term for it, “l’esprit de l’escalier”, or staircase wit, when you are leaving a party or interview and as you’re walking down the stairs, you think of all the clever and witty and intelligent things you should have said but didn’t.
I take her comments to mean that when her children and their fathers interact, they do so at Winslet’s home or wherever she is. They can still share joint custody in that manner.
And as long as the parents can get along well enough for such an arrangement, it makes sense. The kids don’t have to be shipped between parents; instead, the children stay at Winslet’s and the fathers visit them there.
It also helps that Winslet is a rich movie star that probably has huge homes/estates. It’s not like if Sam Mendes comes to visit his child, he has to spend the night on Winslet’s couch in the living room. He can stay at a hotel or guest house or “ex-husband” wing of her estate or whatever.
That’s what I got from it as well. When my cousin divorced her alcoholic husband, the kids lived with her full-time. He was always welcome to come visit, eat dinner, etc. He came to family Thanksgivings, birthday parties, everything. The kids were not even allowed to go downstairs on Christmas morning until he arrived at the house so he could be there for “Santa.” But they did not sleep over at his place. My cousin made sure the children had and still have a great relationship with their father, despite his addiction, their divorce and her having full custody. All of the kids are now over 18 and are doing great. The youngest is now in college and the older two have graduated and have great jobs and families of their own. IMO, that’s the way it should be done instead of all of the animosity of trading off every other weekend or week and trying to cut the other parent out of the kids’ lives.
Sounds to me like your cousin is pretty awesome – an awesome mom & an awesome ex-wife & friend.
Why would trading off every other weekend necessarily entail animosity? I’m not understanding the judgey tone of a lot of these comments.
My parents “traded me off” every other weekend and yet co-parented beautifully: joint decision making, family holidays together, etc. I loved my time alone with my dad and our relationship today would not be the same if we hadn’t had it.
Maybe it’s hard for some folks to believe or empathize with, but my father is actually a human being who loves his daughter and wanted to spend quality time with her (in his own home and not some one else’s living room), put her to bed, wake her up, make her breakfast, get her ready for school, etc.
I think to assume some dads wouldn’t want that or shouldn’t have a chance at that is pretty one sided. I think if both parents are mature and in a good place to take care of the kid(s), the arrangement should simply be one that works for both parents and children with no other restrictions or judgements.
I think the responses in the thread are a little apples and oranges. I think the cousin made the right choice for her family, given that the ex-husband was an alcoholic. The kids were able to spend time with their dad in a safe and controlled environment. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was stopped at the door on occasions when he showed up drunk. Wise choice to allow the kids to be with the sober version of their dad, and have a relationship, rather than be off and about in an unwholesome or dangerous environment with a drunk dad.
Your cousin sounds like a smart, thoughtful, considerate woman. obvs it’s not a good idea to leave minors alone with an adult who has an addiction problem, so this woman arranged the situation with her children so they could get the best out of both their parents without having to jeopardize their safety and happiness. “Alone time” with their dad may not have been possible due to his addiction but they still got to see him quite often, sounds like. i am happy there are still adults out there who are mature, responsible, and selfless when it comes to their family after a divorce.
Good that it worked for them.
But we have joint custody and HELL NO would we stay on the ex’s couch!!! In the ex’s house!!! We want the kids in clean beds, clean clothes, flushing toilets, etc that list goes on and on. Nobody should be judging divorced parents who devote their lives to joint custody in 2 homes.
When my parents split, we lived with my mum but saw my dad all the time. He’d pick us up from home and school, we’d hang out on the weekends and he’d always be over for Christmas morning. Just because we didn’t live with my dad half the time, it didn’t mean that we never saw him or didn’t have a good relationship with him. I don’t get why people are so up in arms over her statement.
The truth is, every situation is different, and many parents do not get along well, which can make any interaction between them very difficult for children. I have no personal experience with divorce. However, from having treated many children of divorce, my impression is that 50/50 custody arrangements are generally more for the benefit of the parents than the children. A lot of custody arrangements don’t seem to take into account how difficult it can be for kids to transition from one home to the other, or what they can be missing from their own lives by doing so (for instance, if the weekend parent doesn’t want the kids doing social activities because that’s “their time,” etc.)
Jeez, that’s not something to be proud of. Either she’s denying her children time with their dad’s, or she’s putting it out there that their dad’s don’t want to spend much time with them. Or option 3, she’s lying, which seems likely given she’s lied about things like this before (claiming she brought her children with her on film shoots when actually they were living on the other side of the country with Mendes, and of course her crazy lies about her births…she really wants to be seen as the ‘perfect’ mother).
When she first got together with Mendes there were stories about how she was trying to cut Jim Threapleton out of her daughters life. No one really paid attention because Threapleton isn’t famous, but now I wonder if she hasn’t attempted the same thing with her son since marrying Rock’n’Roll. She does seem like the kind of person who’s always looking for a totally clean slate.
I know, right? I can’t believe her kids not spending equal time with their fathers is something to boast about. Um, congratulations, Kate, you win mother of the year award?
I used to like her, but she seems so flaky to me. I’m not saying a divorced mother should remain single forever, but three husbands -she might want to slow down and reevaluate a bit. That has to be confusing for kids.
Agree with both these comments, history shows she has no problem uprooting her kids to live with a new husband, sometimes in a new country, when it suits her needs. So why act all warrior mother now and pretend her kids stability is of importance to her.
Except that is not what she said. She said the kids live with her but have good relationships with their fathers. Just because they live with her doesn’t mean they don’t see their fathers. These are grown men, if they didn’t like the custody arrangement, they could challenge it. Mendes especially since he has the resources to do so.
It can be really, really hard to change sole custody. Sometimes you are just stuck with the arrangement you get. So yes they could challenge it, but it would nicer for the kids if Kate allowed them to live with their fathers.
I think it makes the Dads come off bad. The have a great relationship with their Dads but they don’t physically go visit their Dads? My parents divorced when I was a kid. I loved visiting my Dad on the weekends. I had friends close to his house to play with and he would spoil me rotten.
She outrigiht says that the kids do not go back and forth (i.e. shared custody). Unless the fathers have serious issues with addiction/mental illness/physical abuse, there is no reason why they shouldn’t spend as much time with their dads as with her.
@Peepers
If you are taking the comments extremely literally then you will arrive at the conclusion you have. She never said the kids didn’t visit their fathers. It is clear that the kids are not constantly travelling between the two. Which makes sense, since both kids are in school.
And reality is, we don’t know whether either father or either child has a problem with the arrangement.
100% agree with everything in this comment, @Kate.
Winslet might think that what she is saying reflects positively on her, but it does not. And I don’t even believe her anyway, given that she lies so often.
The one thing I like about Kate is that she is never boring! And I really love those pictures.
The first picture is really beautiful. The cover looks like a photoshop fail and it looks like she is cradling her stomach in the last pic as though she needs to poop.
…that would be because she’s pregnant.
She is beautiful but that Vogue cover has been photoshopped to death.
She never said the kids don’t spend time with their dads. She said quite clearly both have relationships with their fathers.
This is not that unusual. Men typically have the custody they ask for. I’m tired of women being blamed for how often the kid sees the dad. I don’t know about Threapleton, but Mendes certain has the financial resources to contest the custody arrangement if he wanted to. He hasn’t, and he probably doesn’t want to. So if he isn’t seeing Joe much, then that is on him.
Valid point regarding Mendes.
Men usually do not get the custody they ask for. When my parents divorced, my father had to fight tooth and nail, for several years, to get 50/50 custody. Most family courts side with the mother by default.
@Nicole
That is actually a myth. While at one time it was was more common to side with the mother by default. That is not the situation now. And while that may have been your situation- one person’s experience is not always the rule.
Exactly.
I think she’s just saying her kids live with her primarily, they don’t get constantly carted back and forth. And that’s actually pretty normal I think. My sons live with me full-time and visit their fathers, usually during school breaks. But their primary residence is with me, this is where they go to school, etc, I think that’s often the case (?) Primary physical custody, joint legal custody.
Sorry, I didn’t see your comment before I posted, Shannon. Yes, that’s what I took it to mean, too.
Yes that’s what I took it to mean too. Which is the case for any friends of mine in that situation.
That’s what I took it to mean as well.
My sister has full time custody of her kids. They go to dad’s every other weekend and they swap on holidays (with one special week trip in the summer with dad every year) But home is with mom full time. They aren’t getting shuffled around everywhere.
Now my coworker trades off with her ex every week (one week with mom and one with dad) and it’s a epic disaster. That’s what I think of when I see 50/50
It’s like that with my son as well. He lives with me, it’s his primary residence. I have full custody and his father has visitation, he lives in a different province. My son sees him every March break, for the week after Christmas until school starts again and for a month during the summer. They are very close, talk on the phone almost everyday and Facetime or Skype often.
I grew up never seeing my dad (his choice). I found my home life to be very stable and relatively happy. My husband did the 50/50 custody thing and hated it. He felt constantly shuffled around and never really felt secure. I don’t think there is one perfect way to do anything. I get what Kate is saying and if that works best for them, good for her.
I liked being a 50/50 kid, but I also went to my grandmothers everyday so I never felt lacking in stability. It was a lot harder going from seeing my dad half the time to two weekends a month. I suppose it’d really does depend on the situation, but calling your dad isn’t the same as hugging him or having him kiss you goodnight, I don’t know if she really considers that
I hated being a 50/50 kid like your hubs. It has a lot to do with how the parents run things. My parents liked to use me as a messenger for their spiteful messages.
Oh! Comments surprise me. I took what she said to mean that her kids have a clear home – with her. Not that they NEVER go to their fathers’ houses. That would be just silly, surely?
I think that it was her intention to highlight what you have just said BUT as usual what she has said has been interpreted differently in print. People just prefer the salacious version instead of contextualising the comments. It bugs me so much, that I am defending her and I’m not even her biggest fan!
Thankyou. She’s just saying she didn’t throw off her kids for some 50 50 arrangement. Kids need one home.
People do only hear the salacious version in almost everything. Sad really.
Most women try to be good mothers and that takes different forms. We need to respect & recognize that.
I agree with all of you. Kate seems like a good mother who is just doing what she feels is best for her family. It might not be the way other people handle the situation but it seems to work for her family.
I took her to mean she has primary custody as well… not that they never see/visit their fathers.
My BIL/exSIL have a RIDIC custody arrangement all to try and be 50/50 and it’s hell on the kids. They switch households every 2 days and also alternate weekends. It’s quite possibly the dumbest thing ever. I do think 50/50 can work if you’re living nearby and maybe do a week or two on/off. But kids crave constancy and I can’t fault her for providing a primary home for them.
I have a similar situation in my family and it really is the kids who suffer (and in this case, the parents live within 5 miles of each other!). The littlest one is 5 years old and it’s so confusing for him-the poor little guy is too young to understand and he perceives it as no one wanting him. It’s very sad. I agree with you–in most cases I think it’s best for them to have a primary home.
We had an arrangement like that as kids (starting age 3) and it worked out very well. I would not call it dumb. I got to see both my parents equally and often, and it made me feel very wanted.
I think the painful arrangement would have been to go a week or more without seeing one of my parents. Or only seeing one of my parents occasionally – like holidays and summers. Everyone’s situation is different.
If you think it would be hard for you to go a week without seeing your parent, think of what Brandi Glanville went through when she had to send her sons–the youngest one two years old–to Eddie and crazy LeAnn for two weeks at a time!
And all because of her husband cheating with another cheating adulterer. She had no choice in the matter because of the law in California.
I’m glad it worked well for your family – I was referencing my family specifically and maintain that it is a dumb arrangement for those particular children.
I love the pictures, but the cover is to shopped. As for her comment on the children I’m assuming that she means their main home is with her, and that the kids go to their fathers on holidays or when they are in town. I have a couple friends who’s exes live out of the area and they have main custody of their children for most of the year. I’m actually getting quite sick of all the criticism that she’s getting for being pregnant for the third time, a few weeks ago someone ran a list of all the male stars that have multiple children with different women and you never hear them getting questioned about their parenting. Such sexism.
^^^ THIS!! ^^^
The google thing is a joke sketch she did for vogue! It’s on YouTube, where the interviewer asks her who the best actress of all time is, so she googles because she couldn’t come up with an answer, and it goes into this dramatic monologue. It’s all just a joke!
Those are some of the most airbrushed photos I’ve ever seen. I guess I understand why people don’t want to show wrinkles, but she looks like a wax mannequin.
I do not see the point of those 50/50 arrangements either. Just imagine having to change places every other week. I would be a wreck, and I am an adult, not a child. However, despite her girl nextdoor image, I believe Kate is quite high maintenance and it is probably pretty much either her way or the highway with her. Yet she IS a tremdendously good actress and just so pretty 🙂
Not impressed with the way the photos turned out
She’s the primary residential parent and they.do spend time w fathers
50 50 is hell for children.
She – never said she denied paternal parenting at all.
With her busy career she still puts her kids first
Hopefully the fathers travel to see their kids frequently, and the kids don’t have to split up to see them. Don’t they all live in England? I seem to recall Kate moving back there from NY a couple years ago.
I only have one comment here:
Hyp-o-crites.
I don’t think it matters that much if I misinterpreted Kate’s comments, which maybe I did. I was shocked that she was so strident in defending her seemingly sole custody, but I still think she’s overcompensating to make herself look like Mother Superior.
Kaiser,
When you’re a mother people attack & criticise everything you do. My guess? It’s made her hypersensitive, that’s all.
I would assume that perhaps her negative view of shared parenting comes from the negative experiences she may have heard from her own circle of friends and so she thought she was protecting her children from such a fate, so I guess I can see why she was so passionate about it. But it still is a narrow view and she should consider that hers is not the only.
I get why she said what she said about her pchildren living with her (aside from that I agree with her. the whole 50/50 thing is crap). So many people are constantly going on about how she’s having her 3rd child in her 3rd marriage as if that makes her a bad mother and it means her children are shuffled around the whole time. She says, they live with me. It doesn’t say they don’t see their fathers or don’t have a close relationship with their fathers.
Question: is this 50/50 just a thing in the US? I never even heard about it before, it’s not done where I’m from
50/50 is *very* much a US thing.
My kids don’t do it (thank god) but some if their friends do. And it’s a logistical nightmare from all the examples I’ve seen. Especially when the parents don’t get a long. It may work well when several factors are present but I haven’t ever seen that…
I have seen the 50/50 thing in the U.S. It can go both ways. If the parents can get along, and the kid has minimal disruption to their life (for instance, they can still attend the same school and participate in the same afterschool activities), it might not be so bad. But if the parents are constantly fighting and the kid spends half of the year with one parent and the other half in a completely different place and school, then I’d think it gets tricky.
I always felt for kids who had to deal with physically changing homes every couple of weeks even if the parents live close by. As a child it seemed cool to have 2 houses, 2 sets of toys, etc. As an adult it seems so unsettling. Like everything is temporary and done to handle everyone’s convenience but the child’s even though I get that the goal is for the child to have time with each parent while attempting to mitigate the inevitable disruption of separation and divorce.
Sometimes I think if the parents are in the same town then the kids should stay at a primary residence. Let the parents move in and out every couple of weeks to see the kids. I of course realize this is unlikely in the real world given the realities of an already charged situation emotionally and what must be taken into account financially.
In a perfect world what is that phrase if wishes were horses beggars could ride?
This actually has it’s own challenges. *sigh*
Nothing is perfect; people have to make the best of it.
Wow! The Photoshop award goes to VOGUE.Kate Winslet pictorial.
She irritates me.
I HATED the “50/50” custody arrangement my parents had. We lived with Mom during the week, and every weekend and vacation with my father. Every one. And they lived about 200 miles apart. Every damn Friday we’d get in the car and drive 4 hours to my father’s house, and then drive back on Sunday night. I couldn’t join any sports or groups, or go to a friend’s birthday party. And I knew, even as a little kid, that this was only happening out of one parent’s desire to “punish” the other one, and not from overwhelming love for us.
I’m sorry 🙁
Oh, that’s terrible!
I guess I’m misinterpreting what’s meant by 50/50. I thought it meant more long-term time at both homes; for instance, you might spend half of the year with one parent, then the other half with the other parent. Or alternate weeks or something.
Whatever works for your family. Certainly there are horror stories of 50/50 custody arrangements, but there are likely plenty that are stress-free. It seems to me 50/50 would work best for a divorced couple who parted amicably and live close enough the kids can easily travel between houses. Louis CK has a funny bit about how the 50/50 arrangement works well for him and his ex-wife. It seems like with Winslet’s lifestyle with all the travel, having a “base” with her is probably the closest thing to stability she can provide, so that’s why the kids live with her. She just seems to have worded this very poorly and comes off as oddly defensive, especially since custody arrangement usually favor the mother anyway. If you asked me on the street if I thought Kate Winslet had primary (sole, whatever) custody of her kids I would say yes.
In her defence, it also could have been edited poorly.
But good points about why the kids don’t do the 50/50 thing.
I agree with you LadySlippers, I take what someone says on a live interview on television or internet more to heart than written interviews, you never know what nature a question is asked and what a clever editor has done with a story to make it more sensational, I should know I work in the print media (head hangs low).
Also consider that each child has a different father, so the logistics of sending each child separately to their respective parent would be a nightmare, and then the children would not be with their siblings either, if she had a 50/50 arrangement. Also both ex-husbands are working directors, probably always away on set, constantly working (actors don’t have to do as much post-production as directors do), so why would she try and swap children when they would probably spend most of them time in someone else’s care anyways.
I bet the father’s arrange lots of visits when their schedules permit, or work their schedules around when it’s best for their children to spend quality time with them. And it’s wonderful that the siblings get to grow up together as siblings, not constantly dealing with the half issue. It helps maintain consistency with schooling, friends, activities. Winslet has demonstrated herself to be a hands on mom. I am sure this was a thoughtful decision on both sides with only the children’s best interests considered.
I think her defensiveness and forceful comment was due to the frustration she has at the judging, and people assuming that she suffers such difficulties due to each child having a different father. I like her answer, and I like her!
Great points.
Isn’t that a contradiction? You start by saying BECAUSE the children have different fathers, it would be a logistical nightmare to have the kids spend half their time with their dads. Then, you end by saying she’s probably frustrated by being judged because the kids have different fathers. But didn’t you start off by pointing out that different fathers DOES affect the kids’ abilities to see their dads and their siblings? I know you like her, but arguments defending her should at least be logical.
I started out with it as a consideration as to why she may not have a joint or 50/50 split arrangement, how would I know if it is a reason or not? It’s just a speculation. And I ended with another assumption or guess as to why she may have answered defensively in the interview.
I had a hard time understanding your criticism to my opinions, I don’t get why you’re jumping down my throat for a bunch of speculation on my part. My opinions don’t have to make 100% sense to you, I guess, but they certainly weren’t meant to make me look like I don’t know what I am talking about.
The fact is her situation looks complicated. I hope that no matter what they have arranged, that all parties are in agreement and that it is in the best interests of the children.
Let’s leave it at that.
But what if the father’s have other children by different women? How will Kate’s kids get to be with those siblings all the time? Why do only hers get the consideration of being full siblings. I think she is a mess and not the thoughtful mom she puts out for the public.
None of the people in this article, Kate and her exes, have the normal 9-5, so while there is no definitive schedule for the kids, I choose to view it as what works best for all of them. It would seem to make a much less disruptive life for the children and allow them some semblance of constancy.
When I read the last tread about her, and about the stigma of single mothers, I asked my mum if that happens around us because I never saw it. She never saw it either.
I mean, my neighbour had a child with a married man in the 60s, and she’s never been judged, her kid was completely accepted in the community. He’s now married and still lives in the neighbourhood. Our former prime minister was a divorced single mother and head of the biggest right wing party and no one had a problem with it. That’s even more surprising when you consider we’re almost 90 percent Catholic. I wonder why.
what a pretentious snob. I spent split time between my parents and it saved my life. I needed both parents to influence me, to teach me. And sorry, she looks shopped to hell and back. The shoot is rather boring.
I can no longer deal with this woman and the things she says.
^^^^^ This.
She did not say her kids never spend any time with their fathers. She said they do not spend an equal amount of time with their fathers. That doesn’t mean they never see them!
And I think she is completely right. Kids need stability, not being shuttled between homes in order to live up to some concept of “fairness”. If the parents live in the same neighborhood and school district, and it’s something like 6 months with one, 6 months with another, that’s one thing. But shuffling kids back and forth all the time when parents do not live extremely close to each other, and/or subjecting children to it every couple weeks, is nonsense that is not in the best interests of the child.
I hate it when people talk about “visiting” the father. It’s not a visit, it’s a kid and Dad ought to be such a substantial part of the child’s life that the idea of calling it a visit, like it’s going to see grandma for a week, doesn’t even occur to anybody. Anything less, assuming no abuse obviously, is putting your needs before what is good for your child.
Its the manner in which she said “none of this 50/50 thing with Dads” as if it was a negative arrangement. Obviously, in her situation both parents felt this was the best arrangement for them and their children.
However, it is not a negative arrangement for BOTH parents to parent their children and spend equal amounts of time with their children. Its harder on the adults than the children.
I am a female attorney and I usually find most women have the Vagina Syndrome… I gave birth to the children so they are mine. As if they were chattel. Parenting time is the biggest obstacle in settling every divorce case.
Let the shade begin.
For what it’s worth, my friends that divorced with children had father’s that were all talk and no action. “Love my kid, but I just can’t do the white picket fence, but I will be there for them!” And then I proceeded to see them bicker over the smallest thing (always money related) and finding lots of reasons not to have their kids live with them (they work too much, apartment they chose after leaving is too small, etc etc). So by default the children end up living full time with mom who bends over backwards to find ways for their kids to see dad so they don’t suffer from the absence so much.
I am sure there is a very broad spectrum of behaviours and arrangements, but as a woman and a mother, I relate to her desire and her fire to have her children primarily in her care. I wonder if it had to do with everyone putting their lives and schedules on the table in a very visible way, to see if a split could be worked out. And if it couldn’t without the children’s lives being constantly disrupted, they instead established a primary permanent residence with open and often visitation?
I guess it doesn’t matter how this was established, if it works for them, who are we to say boo? It will be interesting if the media go after the fathers now to see if they truly are in full agreement with this arrangement. That would be telling…
I’m a family law paralegal, and this is my experience as well.
And meanwhile, we encounter more fathers who want primary or joint-managing than those who don’t care or don’t want their kids. At least half of our own client list at any given moment are dads, actually. Women are deluding themselves if they think they’re the ones who care the most and/or are the best parents.
Mendes is probably off all over the world directing movies and lives in a different country and she’s not going to have her children flying every other week for half custody with nannies. They aren’t exactly people that live down the road from each other. If Mendez had a problem with it there would have been a custody battle. He apparently doesn’t and wants stability for his child and I’m sure sees and spends time with his child.
I could never give my darling girl up half the month. She’s my love. It makes me realize if I knew that would happen and my husband had an affair, I wouldn’t leave. I would work it out if he stopped. Why? Because my child is my life and no way am I living like Brandi in my daughter’s formative, young, adorable years without me two six months out of the year. It would break my heart.
Sorry but you sound selfish, Its all about your wants and needs.
If Jayna’s partner has an affair, then they’ve put themselves in that situation where they may see their child less. Children shouldn’t have to suffer and be passed around back and forth all week because of one person’s selfish actions – especially when the child is very young, like 1-4 years old.
Doesn’t sound selfish at all to me! She puts being with her child first before quitting an unhappy relationship with the risk of having to give up some of her time with her child. If you have ever had a relationship where cheating has occurred, you would know a lot of unhappiness, wariness and self-doubt. It’s not an easy situation to be in. To put her time with her child first she is sacrificing the possibility of finding someone who will be faithful and finding peace of mind.
And nowadays when it is so easy to just give up on a relationship and get a divorce, it’s refreshing to know someone is so concerned with their child to try to stick it out even in a trying situation. You are definitely not sounding selfish to me, Jayna!
Totally agree Jayna. I’d stay because I am not letting my little girls be somewhere else doing god knows what with god knows who. It would never happen.
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I agree Jayna. My daughter is almost 3 and I have been working on not divorcing so that our child doesn’t have to deal with not having both her parents around. Also I don’t want to share her with someone who won’t love her like I do.
I’m with you, Jayna. My 2 1/2 year old son is my life and I can’t even imagine it. I’ve never even spent one night away from him.
Where I live 50-50 arrangements are the norm. It usually comes with true equality of rights between men and women. It works for pretty much everyone. In my books, she is being backwards and judgemental. If a woman can’t imagine having to co-parent 50-50 with her partner, she should not have a child with the said partner. It is not the 50’s!
I don’t think it has so much to do with equal rights for men and women, as parents deciding what’s best for the kids. They’ve obviously made the custodial decisions that they live with her. If it works for them and the kids are happy, I don’t know what’s backwards or dated about that.
Both of her children were had during marriages, which I’m sure she didn’t intend to end.
Nobody intends for marriages to end, but most of them do nonetheless. What is judgemental is the way she said that: “none of that 50-50”.
She’s probably just speaking in ignorance. Like Kate’s, my parents are still together and I can’t say I understand what it’s like to split my time. Before reading the majority of the responses to this post today, I had always imagined that it would have been a very rough or traumatic thing to go back and forth from one parent to the other. But it seems I’m wrong! And I’m glad for that, because I would hate to think that such an arrangement had negative impacts on you and others.
So it sounds to me like she’s just more ignorant than arrogant, which is not necessarily without blame and is pretty annoying, but I don’t think she’s trying to come off as snobbish as she sounds.
I had 50/50 custody growing up, I’d go back and forth every other week and it wasn’t a “nightmare”. I actually loved it and felt really wanted.. don’t judge someone’s custody agreement if you haven’t tried it. Everyone’s different.
I am not going to get all riled up over a snippet. Lets wait until the actual article comes out.
Maybe the fathers don’t want joint custody of the kids.
Seriously who cares? I spent some time every week or every other week with my dad but I never “lived” at his house. I wouldnt want to. I think 50/50 with mom and dad is tough on the kid. They should have one home, but still have visits (overnight sometimes) with their non custodial parent. Honestly, spending a calm Sunday doing something with dad is certainly better than the chaos of a mid-week kid exchange in a parking lot to eat take-out and do nothing fun at their dads house.
I’m going to get flamed for this, but does she just marry every guy that knocks her up? It just seems so, I don’t know, irresponsible to keep pumping out kids with different guys.
FLAME ON – I can take it.
maybe she anticipates criticism because she moves a different man in every few years like menudo. i cant anticipate rocknroll has staying power.
Nah, I’m not going to flame you, but I think as long as she’s taking care of her own kids, then I don’t think I would call her irresponsible. Although I do think perhaps I would be uncomfortable in her situation, probably because I wouldn’t want to come under fire for it. But again I reiterate (redundant, I know) that as long as she is taking care of her children, I think it’s her business.
@irishserra – yeah, you are right. I get that. I guess it just makes me feel all “yucky”, but to each their own!
It seems to me that she is trying to justify that having three children with three different men is not negatively impacting the children.
I used to really like her but I’m so over her. Is she promoting a new project? I’m trying to figure out why she is the November cover girl.
She has a movie, Labor Day, that’s coming out very soon.
Good Lord, they’re making a movie for every damn day now, aren’t they?
i can’t believe anything this woman says. She lied (among other lies) about having a c-section just to make herself look better in the eyes of the public. But, assuming that THIS time she’s actually telling the truth — those poor kids. Either their fathers don’t want them around, or their mother won’t allow them to. Either way, that’s really sad.
Also, Winslet should lay off the plastic surgery. After 2010 or so, she’s started to look more and more like Madonna. Maybe they have the same surgeon?
I’m a divorced mom and my ex and I share custody. My son does fly back and forth and essentially has two different households and you know what? He’s fine! He is a strong, intelligent and wonderful boy. Every family of divorce must find their own way in a difficult circumstance. I understand if she is touchy about her own situation because people will judge and they will tell you to your face what they think even when it’s none of their concern. It’s happened to me plenty of times. Usually from people who’ve never been divorced.
Kate is a serial monogamist and a serial baby-maker. She marries every boyfriend and has a child with every husband. This husband and child won’t be the last either.
I do think she’s saying she doesn’t do joint custody, but that the fathers have to come to HER to see their kids. No sharing. And she seems like a real b*tch on wheels about it as if these men are inconsequential.
If she had to go 50/50 will all those men, it would be very hectic! Better for her that the kids stay with her. Seems to me that she knows she’ll get judged for having three kids by three different men, so this is her way of saying her kids are stable despite her multiple relationships.
Hectic for Kate not the kids. Why should their time with their dad be dictated by every new husband and baby that comes along? I can’t stand this woman anymore and I think it has more to do with the fact that she married some guy who legally changed his name to Rocknroll. Just shows how stupid they both are. If he didn’t have the Branson connection she would be laughing at him like everyone else is doing.
I wonder what the famous think about their covers photos. Do they agree to be photoshopped until their unrecognizable?
Son of Dirty martini was raised in a 50/50 environment and he’s done just fine……college junior in a great liberal arts college, straight As, never been in any trouble ….and hes funny and kind too. Meanwhile when he was with dad I devoted time to career and having a personal life.
It worked just fine.
I am an only child and my parents have been together 38 years and are miserable, haven’t slept in the same bed for 15+ years, probably haven’t had sex in that long and call each other all kinds of names (dad’s favorite is saying mom has a gut, mom’s favorite is saying how he is “useless”). I always wished they had divorced and still do and I am 32 years old. They have shown me how miserable two people can become with one another. Sadly, they believe in till death do us miserably part. I’d have much rather my parents have had multiple ex-spouses then have dealt with the misery that has been their relationship. Dad has learned to “ignore” mom now and advises the same to me!! they also love to pit me against one another, which is why I moved away at 18 and still am not married. Trust me, sometimes it is best for two people to part ways..
She doesn’t know what her children have really gone through. Kids don’t always feel safe to share things if they know it isn’t what the parent they live with wants to hear. I’m sure not seeing a lot of their fathers is hard for them. I’m not saying they are traumatized, but it makes me a bit angry that she blows off their feelings like she KNOWS it’s no big deal for them.