Well, Gwyneth Paltrow announced her split too late to make the covers of this week’s tabloids, which might have been the point (alternate theory: one of the tabs has something on her this week and she was trying to get out of ahead of the story). So, People Magazine chose Reeva Steenkamp’s murder and Oscar Pistorius’ trial for the cover. I’ve been trying to follow the latest developments, but all cable news is interested in these days is the missing Malaysia Airways flight (no disrespect, but there’s no reason for wall-to-wall coverage of that). So, I’ve missed some stuff. Apparently, a few days ago, Reeva’s texts to Oscar were read aloud in court:
Nearly three weeks before Reeva Steenkamp was shot to death by her Olympian star boyfriend of three months, she sent him a series of troubling texts.
“I do everything to make u happy and to not say anything to rock the boat with u. You do everything to throw tantrums in front of people,” she wrote. “I just want to love and be loved. Be happy and make someone SO happy. Maybe we can’t do that for each other. Cos right now I know u aren’t happy and I am certainly very unhappy and sad.”
A handful of texts recovered from Steenkamp’s iPhone were read aloud in a South African courtroom earlier this week where Oscar Pistorius, 27, is standing trial for the premeditated murder of his girlfriend, who was a law grad and model.
The star athlete admits to killing Steenkamp on Valentine’s Day 2013, but says he thought she was an intruder. But prosecutors are attempting to paint a picture of a trigger-happy man with a quick temper.
Despite the couple’s volatile relationship, Steenkamp’s texts also reveal how she felt about him. “I am the girl who let go with u even when I was scared out of my mind to, I’m the girl who fell in love with u and wanted to tell u this weekend.”
The NYDN has more info about the texts – Oscar blamed Reeva for his tantrums, texting that he only got upset because she was talking to another guy, which… yeah. This is really sad and Oscar looks really guilty. One week before she was killed, she texted this to him:
“I can’t be attacked by outsiders for dating u AND be attacked by you, the one person I deserve protection from…I was not flirting with anyone today. I feel sick that u suggested that and that u made a scene at the table and made us leave early… [this is] a double standard relationship, where u can be mad about how I deal with stuff when u are very quick to act, are cold and offish when you are unhappy. Every 5 seconds I hear how u dated another chick. You really have dated a lot of people yet you get upset if I mention ONE funny story that happened with a long term boyfriend.”
If anything positive comes from this absolute tragedy, it’s this: I hope a lot of young women are paying attention to the signs that Reeva’s relationship with dysfunctional and abusive. Reeva Steenkamp was an intelligent, thoughtful, compassionate young woman who thought that she could apply reason and sense to Oscar’s behavior, almost as if she didn’t realize that his jealousy and anger was escalating. And it did escalate – to the point where Reeva was murdered. I think so many women in similar situations think, “But he’s only that way sometimes, the rest of the time he’s wonderful.” Or, “He said he would never act like that again.” And on and on. Hopefully this case will shed light on abusive relationships and how the escalate, and we can continue to have conversations about when women need to walk away from abusive men.
Photos courtesy of People, Getty.
Well said!
It is important to see the red flags and not just thinking “it only happens sometimes”. Sometimes could be the last time though.
It’s actually this sentence of Kaiser’s that made me think; “But he’s only that way sometimes, the rest of the time he’s wonderful.”
I think I read on The Guardian that Francois Moller came to the conclusion that “Ninety percent [of all the messages] were normal conversations and loving conversations.” http://www.theguardian.com/world/2014/mar/24/oscar-pistorius-scared-girlfriend-murder-trial-hears
It’s that 10% that’s got me thinking, and it’s that 10% I think women (and men) need to be made aware of.
I’ve thankfully never been in an abusive relationship, but looking back at some of the behaviour I noticed in a couple of guys, I’m starting to think I was quite lucky to have side-stepped something that might well have been extremely toxic (if rumours from friends about their current escapades are to be trusted).
Circumstances meant I never ended up with the couple of men who first come to mind when I think of the 90/10 division in behaviour, but I do wonder what might have happened, since I don’t think I EVER even CONSIDERED that the few volatile actions I saw from them would have an impact on me – because they were soft as butter the other 90% of the time.
I don’t think I’m coming across particularly coherently, but I think the 10% rule is something to watch out for. I feel extremely fortunate that dumb luck took me down a different path away from those men. I do wish I was as aware of the red flags then as I am now, though.
this.
I look back, and I also side stepped some bad situations just be listening to my gut. I remember one guy in high school, I had just such a bad feeling (though he was cute, right, so I justified). but one day we went to the store near my house, and I got out of the car, waited until we were inside and said I had to use the bathroom, and I ran home.
He accused me of drama, but I look back and see I knew something was off, I just knew it and left. I can’t pin point, but he was controlling.
You’re coming across very coherently. And intelligently too. 🙂
Well maybe my experience can help someone else so, these things are also red flags:
– Whenever you ask him if something is wrong, his answer always involves you. You did ___. You didn’t __. Etc. (After awhile you’ll realize that he sulks and mopes deliberately, to provoke this question from you. That way he can say “I wasn’t going to mention it, but you did ask.”)
– He makes you explain things that no adult should have to explain, like why you’re eating a Twinkie when you said you wanted to lose ten pounds. (“I’m just concerned about you and your happiness, it was your goal not mine.”) Or why you decided to have a drink with friends after work when you said that morning you’d probably beg off. And by explain I don’t mean you can get away with, “I changed my mind.” I mean, someone should be reading you your Miranda rights.
– You apologize constantly. How many times a day are you saying that you’re sorry? Has it become almost a knee-jerk, go-to phrase? You might not notice it because it’s become a habit, so just for one day, keep track. Or ask your friends – they’ll notice.
It is so easy to fall into the trap of thinking it’s you, because he’ll be really, really good at making you think it’s you. It’s not you. It’s him.
Amelia, you came across perfectly and I agree with you! I was engaged to someone years ago that when I look back on his behaviour I see those same signs, especially the escalation. Everything is wonderful at first and they practically worship you, then the little jealousy things start. Riva’s posts reminded me… being accused of flirting when you so much as talk with or look at another guy; the quick temper whenever they perceive you doing something they don’t approve of, and so on. The escalation is a huge sign.
I think these types of guys pull the girl in at first by being so attentive and loving and then their true personality starts coming out in little bursts here and there. With so much *good* at first, the girl, like Riva, is confused and tries to rationalize it, talk it out, and try to get back to the good. Unfortunately, what seems to happen is that the bad gets bigger and bigger, the episodes of rage get more severe. I’ve heard stories of abusive relationships where at first it’s just a shove, then a slap, and by the end he kills her after numerous horrible beatings. I feel lucky that I broke off my engagement and ended up with someone who is wonderful and not violent in any way. I feel so sad for Riva. She was clearly a very intelligent and compassionate young woman and as beautiful on the inside as she was on the outside. It’s such a horrible waste of a life.
He makes me sick. I think that email in which she sort of raises the possibility that maybe they aren’t right for each other…should break up?… that’s something that could have put her in danger. Men like this are so weak and insecure that her even mentioning that she might want to break up with him would be the kind of thing that could set him off.
+1 meant to add also, I never heard the testimony from neighbirs. They heard her screaming. So terrible.
The neighbors are the most damning thing in all of this, IMO. Three people heard them fighting for at least an HOUR before the shots were fired. One neighbor said she had to put a pillow over her head to try and sleep because it was so loud.
She also said in her texts, “”I’m scared of you sometimes and how you snap at me and how you will act towards me.”
The defense has so effectively created tons of smoking mirrors. All of the emails that were mostly affectionate. The door, was he on his stumps; was he on his prosthetics? How close to the door was he when he fired? So much evidence pointing to the fact that everything happened exactly the way Pistorious reported… To me the most blatant evidence pointing to premeditated murder is the three witnesses that heard the screaming and the shots… And yet the prosecution has seemed to invalidate that evidence by questioning exactly what those three witnesses heard and why they couldn’t have heard what they heard… The reality is that those people heard a woman screaming blood curdling screams followed by gun shots=Murder in the first! Guilty Guilty Guilty! I don’t care that he is clearly a narcissist and psychopath. His crazy antics: blowing his nose, throwing up, sticking his fingers in his ears and crying loudly while the victim’s mother sits in the court quietly with dignity. I do care that he killed his BaBa intentionally! And yet he will probably be convicted with culpable homicide and get probation for a couple of years. Some people have criticized SA justice system but hey…
Casey Anthony went free; Oj went free. I can only hope that like these pathetic murderers
Oscar Pistorious will have no life once he is basically set free. I am pretty sure that he will have to go into hiding.
One very damning piece of evidence, which I hope isn’t glossed over is this:
Evidently, after Pistorius fired the first shot, Reeva could be heard screaming. If neighbours heard her screaming after that first shot, how can he continue defending himself by maintaining he thought there was an intruder in the bathroom? Did he not also hear Reeva screaming? Wouldn’t her screams have alerted him to the fact that it was Reeva in there and not an intruder? Apparently, the timing is crucial, because after the first shot and her immediate screams, he continued firing into that door. Had he stopped after the first shot and her screams, there’s a high probability she’d be alive today. I hope that prosecutors will thoroughly question him about this point.
name du jour is Spot On – young ones please Pay Attention to this and if you see it early – get out.
A couple of other things to add – you are called ‘names’ – if someone calls you any name other than your own it is very bad. And you can get used to being called names because it starts out with the names being said ‘nicely’ and not very often, then the names are used more and more often.
Also if they blame any nasty behaviour towards you on past girlfriends (or boyfriends depending on the genders involved) . ie his last girlfriend cindy spent all her money on hair products therefore you do the same thing and that is why he doesn’t think it’s a good idea for you to (go on a ski trip with your friends, get corn rows with beads, go to the new restaurant on top of the tower)
Except sweetie, baby, etc, right?
I have gone through my new boyfriend’s phone in the past, and confessed, apologized, and explained that I went through my ex’s phone frequently because he cheated frequently. I hope that doesn’t mean I’m an abuser. I’m not making excuses because I know that it was wrong, but it was the reason I did it…habit. And I will add that my boyfriend has been so patient and understanding with my trust issues that he really should be canonized.
The whole trial to me has been such a sham. I get that the US and South Africa have very different laws, but it amazes me that some commentators seem to not get that even IF you take every word Oscar says as true and believe him, he’s still a completely negligent, reckless kook who fired through a closed door without knowing who (or at least who it wasn’t) on the other side. Amazing.
I am slightly amazed that the defense thus far hasn’t really attacked Reeva. Maybe I am biased by the US system, but I’ve seen too many lawyers who have no issue attacking victims as part of a defense – even when the evidence doesn’t support it. Who knows, maybe that’s coming. But I hope it isn’t. Maybe Reeva is one of those rare victims that is considered beyond reproach.
there’s no sense in attacking her though. they’re trying to frame it as an accident. if the defence tried to paint a negative portrait of her, it could only diminish the picture of the happy couple they’re trying to create.
They can still argue accident, but they’ve got to explain these texts. They are quickly becoming a cornerstone of the prosecution – which has the theory that Oscar was an abusive piece of work. How can they explain these texts? The most obvious answer is to argue that Reeva was the piece of work herself who projected all this onto Oscar. Make her into the domineering, controlling partner – or, better yet, paint her as completely hysterical. That often works.
Sam: The defense neutralized the texts very well by reading aloud and introducing the vasty majority of the other texts, all of which were very loving. The texts that hinted at an abusive relationship were an extraordinarily small percentage. Given that Oscar is crying and carrying on, becoming physically ill, it would be awfully hard to introduce evidence that this woman had a bunch of warts. The narrative is this is a tragic tragic accident in a country where people are ever fearful of home invasion. You can’t mix that narrative by purposefully introducing evidence that she was a dirtbag.
Everyone needs to prepare themselves for an acquittal. Oh, I don’t think this was an accident; I think it was a fit of rage, voluntary manslaughter type killing rather than pre-meditated, but I just don’t think he’ll be convicted.
Pistorius intentionally pulled the trigger. That’s not an accident. He fired the gun, he is responsible.
@Sam
It would be a little hard to persuade people that she was hysterical and overreacting when, in fact, he killed her, or that she was “a piece of work” when he’s claiming he adored her and would never hurt her. That doesn’t make any sense.
I have been avoiding coverage of this trial because I am so concerned that justice will not be served. I wonder if Oscar will be the South African OJ Simpson.
I think is it has more in common with the George Zimmerman case, the initial defence was his fear of buglars made him do it. His father quote ” I blame the ANC ” “It speaks to the ANC government, look at white crime levels, why protection is so poor in this country, it’s an aspect of our society.”
+1 Boundaries.
Yes, definitely George Zimmerman.
The judge has said that she wanted the cameras in the courtroom to show the poor that the rich don’t get special treatment. IF he’s acquitted, that country may burn.
Great point, Kaiser. I do wonder how many other women are in situations where they tell themselves/family/friends that their S/O is amazing 90% of the time. 90% is not enough if 10% of the time is abusive.
Don’t forget this was a fairly new relationship – they had only been seeing each other for about two months. If the relationship had continued, I have no doubt the 10% of abusive situations would have increased – to 20%, then 30%, and so on.
And “it only happened once” can and will lead to it always happening.
Excellent points, Kaiser.
+1
Many abusive men can be quite charming – when they want to. And they may, in some cases, be genuinely remorseful about their behavior. But they don’t have control of themselves, so they can promise over and over to stop being abusive, but it’s not a promise they can keep unless they get help. I doubt that anyone has ever been abusive just once. It escalates. It relieves some kind of build up inside, and then takes more and more to relieve that powder keg of rage. That’s what I think, anyway.
It’s true. That is my husband to a tee. Emotional and verbal abuse, never once physical in 13 years. But god damn does it take a toll. And it’s not like it happens over night. It’s gradual, sometimes so gradual that you wake up one day and wonder, “how the hell did I end up here??????”
And honestly, I think that the 10% is worse than the 90%. Because the 10% is what keeps you there.
I know exactly what you mean about it happening so insidiously that you don’t even realize it until one day you wake up to realize how bad it has become. I’m so glad we got out.
Mine was quite charming, overcharming. Then hell broke loose. The 10% of abusive texts in two months only is actually quite telling.
God knows how I could get out without getting killed. Mine had a whole range of rifles and guns at home.
Psychopaths can be quite charming, also. Ted Bundy anyone?
Hiddles, I so agree that it is very telling that he was already getting aggressive and abusive after such a short time. My abuse didn’t start for at least 18 months, then very slowly increased until about year 5, when it started to increase rapidly and I finally came out of my own denial. So glad you got out of there, that all of us did. Yay us!
It’s part of the profile actually. Like Deedee said, Ted Bundy was wonderful to hang around. John Wayne Gacy ran a business and was well liked by his peers. The mask these people wear are amazing and terrifying.
I don’t know the climate for these kind of crimes versus the power of celebrity there, what’s the likelihood of Pistorius being convicted on Murder1 or even second degree?
What a senseless loss. RIP Reeva
To say it is so simple, but it takes a lot more for people to leave abusive relationships. Even if the person admits they’re in one to someone else their inner denial can be staggering.
He cried at his trial few times, i thought it was just an act to make him appear sympathetic.
I believe that he is guilty cause too many things were off during his confession. A neighbour heard a woman’s scream but oscar said it was his voice, there are a lot more off weird things just google it
It may not be an act. It’s possible he has regret but has no control over his rage, or that he has regret in that killing her put him in the current circumstances.
I thought the same thing, Kiddo. I don’t think it’s an act. Hard to fake puking without actually puking. He’s vomited and cried. I think he truly regrets what he did, but I suspect he regrets it the most because it got him on trial for murder.
No; I don´t Think so. You do know he has a new girl friend since a couple of months? She is a Medical student he met on a safari vacation. Regrets? I`m not buying it. Sorry. 🙁 RIP Reeva
It’s actually not hard at all to puke you can buy things on the Internet. Like on the show workaholics. I 100% think that was done for effect.
Also those Getty images are so annoying! They don’t adapt to mobile viewing.
Yea I read that most people who commit murder in a domestic situation regret it almost immediately. They just never have control of themselves, so it doesnt matter how much they love or care for you, their rage will always be a danger.
Problem is he doesn’t admit that it’s his rage, he says it’s an intruder so he’s not taking responsibility at all. He’s sorry that she’s dead but not that sorry to admit he has issues
You are mistaking my objective contemplation of his display of human emotions for being an advocate of his. You should reread what I wrote.
What he genuinely feels and what his legal defense is may or may not coincide. I can’t be in his head, but no one can. Taking or not taking responsibility for the assumed cause of a homicide doesn’t cancel out the possibility of genuine regret, on either of the possibilities I proffered above, or none of the above.
You are projecting normal feelings and emotions on to a person who likely has naricissistic personality disorder. I know. I was married to one. An eerily similar abusive one. They do not experience regret or remorse like normal people do. They are incapable of empathy or sympathy.
If he experiences regret, it would not be for shooting Reeva, the tragic loss to her family or even the loss of her presence in his life. Only because it puts him in the situation that he finds himself in. He is crying and sick because he feels sorry for himself. NPD’s are big on drama; at least as far as it concerns their own future.
Chances are much more likely that he blames her for putting him in this situation to begin with.
I think he didn’t mean to kill her, but he knew she was in there. I think he was trying to scare her or to shoot the locked door open -it looked like the shots were all close to the door handle. I also bet he was on some sort of steroid or testosterone supplement and had serious rage and long-term anger issues, probably related to his disability. Plus he is probably accustomed to people, especially women, doing whatever he wants. A guy like that with a gun was a recipe for disaster, but I also believe the remorse is genuine.
The only thing that gives me pause is how quickly he came up with the intruder story. He told it to the first responders.
I blamed it on the possibility of steroids too. Chris Benoit anyone?
Yeah he’s been crying — and throwing-up a lot at the trail. I too have wondered if it was an act. Although I guess even abusive murderers can feel remorse for and grieve their victims.
I have no doubt he feels very sorry for himself. I’m sure he feels persecuted, even. I’m sure that is where the tears and such are coming from: self-pity because he’s such a victim and it’s all so unfair.
I also have no doubt that he’s guilty as sin. He’s obviously narcissitic, as all bullies/abusers are. He can recognize that what he did is “unpopular” with alot of folks, but that doens’t mean he’s sorry he did it or that he won’t do it again, given the chance. He’s just sorry for himself that he’s being QUESTIONED for what he did, and God forbid might actually be held accountable for what he did.
Agree. The puking, especially, is odd – apparently he threw up every time a picture of her injuries was shown, but he saw those injuries when he battered down the toilet door, picked her up and carried her downstairs, so it’s not as though he’s seeing them for the first time.
Aaaah, Kaiser, THANK YOU SO SO MUCH for covering this!
That’s exactly why I love this site.
Dude… I read that he is a huge douche and has mad anger issues. I’m really sorry that Reeva is no longer with us, but I’m amazed at the amount of women that stay in relationships with guys like this.
It’s too bad she couldn’t have left him before this tragedy happened.
Check this out, Geemoney:
http://www.ted.com/talks/leslie_morgan_steiner_why_domestic_violence_victims_don_t_leave
Thank you for posting this link to the ted talk. Every woman should watch this.
Yea. It’s pretty much just like this. Jealousy over nothing, dismissal of your feelings, acting out in public. My ex threw a box of diapers at me when our child fell off of the sidewalk. I ran to comfort her and her took his anger at the situation out on me. And that’s why I finally walked away. And he hatttteeeddd me for leaving. And I got that. I had stayed through all the rest of the BS why should I leave for this? The box didnt even hurt. But I finally did, because I knew then that I would always be his punching bag. Not literally but, emotionally, verbally etc, his anger would always be my problem. And he was so mad was just terribly verbally abusive to the point where I refused to communicate with him at all. He had to contact my parents to connect with my daughter.
What is a bit different with us is that he did eventually let me go, and I let him go, and we gave each other a chance to be fully realized people instead of being who we were at 18-22 and never growing up. We took two years off and somehow communication has gotten better, respect has gotten better, certainly the physical outbursts are at none (he never hit me, but he broke a lot of stuff, damaged a lot of personal property, grabbed me forcefully a few times). Whatever issues a man like that has, YOU CANT FIX THEM. They will not get better while you are together. They may never get better unless he realizes the need for change within himself. You have to be willing to wash your hands of it and never look back. He knows im willing to wash my hands of him completely, and for a year we’ve been managing to co-parent and spend time together. He is also willing to wash his hands of me and I think that has allowed him a bit more control over his emotions . Both of us are only toe-in. But I refuse to live with him for the time being. And I would never consider him having a gun in the home if we did.
But I’m lucky he wasn’t crazier than what he is, and he most certainly is crazy. Some people don’t even get the chance to walk away let alone come back. And because I don’t want my daughter to emulate my relationship is exactly why I’ve held off on getting back into a full relationship with him. I hope I’m making the right decision, I hope it doesn’t bite me in the ass, but so far it’s been good, and at a snails pace it will continue.
To any other woman. Stop. Just stop it. And you can’t stop it by asking him to stop. You can’t tell someone how to treat you. You can only decide if you will put up with being treated that way. So don’t. It’s never worth it.
Im sorry for your experience but what you did was a brave thing, you are very right you cant change someone or fix them, you have the responsability of your own emotional health and leaving that abusive person is the best thing you can do.
Yup. Emotional manipulation leaves scars too.
You wouldn’t go ever go back to live with him if there was a gun in the house? That says everything right there. Please don’t take him back.
Honestly: you sound like you will have him back in your life in the (more or less near) future. So you did NOT really “wash your hands off him”.
I don’t want to be rude or something… but as long as he has hope that you will one day come back he can probably keep it together. The real test would be if he accepts that you date somebody else. And it doesn’t sound as if you are out there looking for a new partner.
Maybe I read it all wrong. But if not please think about it. A friend of mine was stalked by her abusiv ex as soon as she started dating again and it was so bad that the police came more than once. Years later she is still afraid that he hears about her dating life even so he is married again.
I don’t know of you’ll read this as it’s pretty after the fact but it’s difficult to wash your hands completely of someone you have a child with. I did date when we weren’t together and even tho he was an asshole about it it didn’t make him ragey towards me just dismissive. Which I’ll admit did hurt. I’ll also admit that that is part of control. Make you feel like it is YOU who isn’t good enough not him. Like I said we both really did step back and he didn’t try to make me be with him he was just a jerk to me until he wasn’t. Until conversations got civil. Until an argument ended up with him just walking away not punching something. Until 21 questions turned into one asked and answered. Until we laughed like we used to. It’s not prefect. I see he still has issues with personal responsibility but he is trying to control himself we try to talk more respectfully to each other. But I do know that it only takes one time. It’s been three years and I’m not in any rush. Thanks for being concerned.
I think he was really abusive and that is guilty of shooting her in a rage fit. I really hope the jury or whatever system they have there finds him guilty and he pays for what he did: end a wonderful woman’s life who had a family and friends that loved her. I dont understand why women sometime keep trying to be in an abusive, jelousy driven relationshipo with men like him who clearly had a rage, anger, controlling and narcissitic behaviour issues.
Bench trials only in SA.
“If anything positive comes from this absolute tragedy, it’s this: I hope a lot of young women are paying attention to the signs that Reeva’s relationship with dysfunctional and abusive.”
Thank you for this Kaiser. This is very serious and very troubling and happens way way too much. Women need to not think they always need a man and if they do be careful and guard yourself always!
This story is so sad… but also interesting to have this on the same day as Shakira and Gerald story and also Charlie Sheen story. I worry for Shakira, and for any woman involved with Charlie. This is where it can go.
I think Shakira is the apple to the other oranges. Charlie freaking shot Kelly Preston and has a history of abusive behavior, and Pistorius left a paper trail of abusive public behavior before taking it to a whole different level. Shakira seemed to be playing up the whole “latin lovers” cliche of passionate love and mutual territorialism which is cheesy but wasn’t showing indications of actual abuse so much exposing a cynical marketing ploy.
I hope you’re right about Shakira! I’d rather it be a marketing ploy.
I’ve read accounts about him being an out of control douche to people in public before and these texts imply that behavior only darkened behind closed doors. Dude is guilty of straight up murder I think, that poor poor girl.
He was hated in the disability sport field for years before this went down. I have no doubt he’s guilty.
I’ve actually felt sorry for the guy until I read her texts, then my blood ran cold. I dated a guy who exhibited the same behaviour. he became violent. I went straight to the police and got a restraining order. It took two years before he left me alone. he went on to have another relationship only to have the same thing happen. He eventually blew his brains out. I was relieved! I know it sounds heartless but he was so scary. Very handsome and charming when i first met him. I would never have guessed he could be so scary.
same here – I believe everyone deserves a fair trial and so does Oscar, however her text speaks for itself.
Wow, I am so glad to hear that you made it out of that relationship safely. That sounds so dangerous.
It seems that he has anger issues and has a tendency toward impulsivity when angry.
The insane argument that he and his defence team make is beyond all reasonable logic and goes something like this: There was a possible crime unfolding in my house, so I resorted to crime in order to solve it.
I’m not sure how the law works in South Africa, but I do know that necessity is never a defence in Criminal Law in England and Australia.
But then we can always go back to the beginning of Pistorius’ narrative of that night:
Why would a hypothesised thief lock themselves in the bathroom?
It’s this that takes his story apart.
And even if a thief did, from their fear, lock themselves in the bathroom. Which psycho would go on to shoot four times without warning?
Um..only Oscar Pistorius it seems.
Then there is the ammunition he had in his gun, horrendous expanding bullets that don’t give anyone a chance to live.
This man is a menace, and a liar and the faster this case is concluded and he is incarcerated, the better.
His defence lawyer tried to rip apart the witness that relayed his random shootings, until the SMS messages were revealed, to show that Pistorius told Reeva that his friends would take the blame for him.
It just shows how irresponsible and arrogant this man is.
His story is ridiculous. If you thought there was an intruder who was in your bathroom and you had a gun, would you not yell through the door that you have a gun blahblahblah and if so, Riva would have called out it was her. Common senjse. He knew it was her. The neighbours all talked about the screams and the fighting. His story is pathetic, and his show of sorrow for Riva and how he keeps calling it an *accident* makes me sick.
Lord, I hope the jury is rational and convicts his psycho, murdering ass. Those texts were tragic. Poor woman.
No jury…the decision is up to a judge.
There is no jury – just a judge. However, she is a very experienced judge who has a reputation for coming down hard on domestic violence perpetrators, in a country which often does not take domestic violence seriously. So I’m cautiously optimistic that she will see OP’s story for the BS it is and convict him of murder.
True Montréalise, also another point in consideration. This 2014 is year of elections in South Africa and after the weakness of the ANC and controversies with social issues like violence against women, this case is the perfect scarpegoat for political validation. With the recent political polls and the judge I’m more optimist of a conviction of murder for this terrible man.
Even if somehow he’s found innocent, at least karma will make balance in life. His current career is dead, his sponsors are gone and like OJ Simpson, he can be found guilty and arrested -For another crime-.
I lived with a ” sometimes”
Abusive man for many years. I’m convinced that if he had a gun I would be dead.
He fell short of many achievements in sports ( ahem) which made him bitter and he took out his failures on me.
I have been in so many relationships like this I cannot even count. I have written those texts she wrote. They were heartbreaking to read. I feel so bad for this poor, sweet girl. I hope he rots in hell.
This. The begging to make someone see that you love them and that they are treating you badly, to no avail. Please take some time and evaluate what drew you to those relationships. I had the tendency to find men that had a need, and because I was such a giving person I always was there to fill that need. Not all of those relationships were bad they just weren’t healthy. They were based on a sense of fulfillment. The bad one I let continue because a man like that would only reflect his failures onto me, and I am a martyr. I live to be right, do right, make sure the people I care about know i’ve done right by them. And no matter how much I KNEW i did for him, as long as he didnt acknowledge it I was going to continue to sit there and try to prove it. Until I finally didnt give a hoot anymore. We are in a different place now, but when I was on the dating scene I realized that I was drawn to people I could save, that I felt what I had to GIVE was all I had to offer. Instead of lettin gmy personality stand on its own.
Very self aware, Naye.
Great insight Naye. So true. I am that way “the rescuer”. Too soft and too giving. I came to the conclusion years ago that I just have very bad taste in men – unhealthy men. I don’t date anymore for that reason. I don’t trust myself. It is wonderful being safe and single though. No more drama. I rescue animals now instead, much more fun and much more rewarding 😉
Naye, that was so insightful. Thank you very much for sharing that, you are very wise.
That is really too sad. Two such beautiful and successful people. What a waste!
I’ve been in an abusive (mentally) relationship and just as I began seriously thinking about how I could leave him and do so without provoking him and getting hurt, he suggested we break up. I packed and left and moved to another state shortly after, not telling him anything and not giving him my new info. He emailed me saying he wanted to get back together but I was already safe and gone. I knew he probably flew into a rage, but I escaped and learned my lesson.
I have been following this trial closely as I was on the “hang him” side; however listening to the defence’s case, I have shifted totally to the “yes he is a complete idiot for shooting his girlfriend, but it was genuinely a mistake” side.
This text thing was an argument they had and it involved 4 texts to and fro out of 1700 texts of extremely loving messages. This does not indicate he is an abusive partner. He did not answer the text but called her immediately after (according to phone records which are going to be released by the prosecution). Also they said he was jealous of her ex’s but texts sent by him show he was not at all and even suggested Reeva meet one of her ex’s who wanted to have coffee with her.
The defences witnesses have been proved to have lied to police (like the security guard) and one changed her statement in court even though she signed a sworn affidavit it was correct. The key forensic guy laughed when he suggested the police accidentally stepped on the door but even his testimony is dubious. The witnesses for the prosecution have actually agreed with the timeline of Pistorius’ events although they don’t realise it because what most of them heard was the bat, not the shots. The last witness heard both and couldn’t distinguish between the two sounds.
And this is before the defence has even started. The prosecution did not call about a hundred odd witnesses for reasons unknown. Their case was not going well. It is not like the OJ trial. I think he should have been charged with manslaughter not murder because he did her but did not mean to.
From the texts, he is clearly an abuser. And if you’ve not been together with one, you have no idea what you are talking about…..
Loving relationship of my arse… Even if he had shot her by mistake, why covering the murder for hours?
He is a narcissist and an abusive douche. Unfortunately I think that his fame will make him exempt from punishment.
Rip Reeva.
As it happens I have been with an abuser and a very bad one for 10 years, but just because I was with one doesn’t automatically mean that every man who argues with a woman is abusing her. And covering the murder for hours? Sorry, you haven’t been following the case. There was the incident and then the need to get help and that is proved what happened. One of the witnesses said he went directly to his house immediately after the end of the first scream. He said when he arrived, Pistorious had Reeva downstairs. That is not hours
If you shoot a gun through a door knowing someone is inside, you’re committing murder. The question is whether or not he knew he was murdering her specifically. I think his story is ridiculous, and no reasonable person would shoot through their bathroom door without finding out where their spouse or SO was first. I hope he is found guilty of murder.
But how do you discount the 3 witnesses that heard them arguing for over an HOUR before the shots were fired? That is clear evidence that they weren’t sleeping as Pistorius claims. One neighbor said the shouting and fighting was so loud she had to put a pillow over her head to try and sleep. This was before the shots were fired, not after. These witnesses come from several households, so it isn’t one family trying to go after him.
Also, in South Africa I believe they don’t have manslaughter. They have “Culpable homicide” which is when you kill someone, even if you didn’t intend to kill them. He is certainly guilty of that, even he isn’t found guilty of murder.
It wasn’t 3 witnesses that heard them argue for an hour it was only one who said that; Van der Merwe you are talking about who said she woke up to an argument at 1.56am and it went on for an hour, then she went back to sleep and awoke to gunshots. Thing is that cannot be correct. If she heard the argument for an hour it would bring her to almost 3 before she went back to sleep, Reeva was killed at 3 and if they were arguing for an hour before hand it actually contradicts all the other witnesses. Van der Merwe only heard one set of shots, so she was asleep when the yelling was reported followed by the first set of shots, followed by more yelling. She slept through all that?
I am not doubting she heard the yelling, but I would argue that this was the time most of the other witnesses heard which was between the first and second loud noises, which 2 witnesses said they could not distinguish between the 2 sounds which was the gunshots and the bat, because their was only 4 shots fired (the first sounds which only these two witnesses heard)
You are right 3 neighbors heard a woman screaming.
My theory based on what I’ve heard in court so far is that Oscar is lieing
I think he knew who he was shooting at and purposely shot her.
They said that out of all the over 1000 texts between them, 10% of his were abusive. That’s 100 abusive text within the first couple of months of dating! And the phone records don’t reflect the conversations. Who is to say he didn’t yell, intimidate, accuse or threaten her more in those calls, especially because texts can always be used against you later -there they are in writing for all to see. He is clearly a manipulative, angry man and I firmly believe he knew who was cowering behind that door.
No, that was the prosecution saying 10% but the prosecution witness admitted that there was 1700 texts and only 4 were an argument, that is not 10%
Thank you. Finally someone talking sense. 4 texts messages does not an abusive relationship make…or a premeditated murderer for that matter. I still believe his story.
I don’t believe you were ever on the hang em side, I think you were always in support of this jerk who murdered his girlfriend and you are just making up some reason for still supporting him.
Oscar is guilty as hell and even if he gets off on premeditated. He’s still going to do at least 10 to 15 yrs on the other charges . He’s toast either way and I hope he enjoys his new home where I’m sure a lot of people scream every night,
I think it may be Reeva’s own words which convict him in the end.
The defense looks like a bunch of liars scrambling for a new lie at each turn
Oscar wants the judge to believe that all the neighbors are lieing, the security guards are wrong, that Reeva never made a sound. What a nasty piece of work this creep is.
What bothers me is that not only did he murder her, now he wants to wipe about her last voice heard on this earth, HER Screams in the last moments of life. This guy is a vicious nasty guilty jerk.
He’s only crying because his life as it once was is finished and he knows it. All the tears are for himself and what he threw away. If he cared about Reeva she’d still be alive and would not have spent the last minutes of her life arguing and being shot by him. It’s as if he wanted to take all her dignity away.
Also look at the shots, a wound to the hip first, to make sure she couldn’t even run or try to escape using her lower body, to climb up to window, then the kill shot to the head. This guy is cold blooded . Also look through all the news photos around , there are photos of him smiling in court as some testimony is being given.
This guy needs to do jail time, end of. He needs to be held accountable for his actions. I don’t care who he is. Cases like this make my blood boil.
It is one of my greatest peeves in this world how tacitly accepted violence against women is. Yeah, that’s right, it’s ACCEPTED. Understand that. If it wasn’t accepted, it wouldn’t be so rampant in EVERY corner of this Earth.
I have been in abusive relationships, myself, and I now work with women who have been victims of domestic violence. I understand the dynamics. It’s about power and control. It’s not about love or protection, or anything else.
+1,000
Same here. A survivor and now helping DV and rape victims.
It is so difficult to eradicate this prejudice… See the comments supporting the loving relationship side…. There are so many people ready to deny the continuous abuse against women all over the Earth 🙁 disheartening sometimes.
Agree with you both. So many women are beaten, raped and murdered by “loved ones.” Shameful that our society seems so often to just look away.
Agreed!! The man needs to be in jail. He was a time bomb waiting to go off. Actually, he did go off often enough. He was a tormented, raging, angry man before he met Reeva. If only she had known!! How terribly sad. Let’s hope his family’s money doesn’t buy him freedom. He killed her intentionally, out of rage. There is no other plausible explanation. Apparently, he cannot control himself if he ended up using a weapon on his girlfriend, WOW.
This sends chills up and down my spine. Reminds me of the abusive relationship I had with my ex husband – yes, I married a man who was obsessed with causing drama, over every little thing. I couldn’t do or say anything right. It was bad – I’m not going to list the details of the things said and done – I can relate with this article because I feel the texts Reeva sent mirrored my own – I tried to rationalize the abuse by saying – this isn’t love. I just want to be loved. I don’t want to fight with the person I love. I wrote such texts over and over, thinking if I could just get him to see I’m in it for love and nothing else, he would understand, but instead it only made things worse. How sad. In my situation, the ex husband landed himself in jail and I was able to break free and divorce him. Because of the circumstances of his jail term he couldn’t stalk me, harass me or abuse me – I feel if he hadn’t gone to jail….well, let’s just say I wouldn’t be sitting here writing this. Anyway, in hindsight – I think the only reason I stayed in the abusive relationship as long as I did was because of my emotional ideal of love – love them through thick and thin (it will get better) BUT IT DOESN’T! Extreme jealousy, obsession, extreme control, name calling, physical abuse IS NOT LOVE – it’s madness.
I’m so glad you made it out.
I think he gets paranoid, and he over reacted that night, shooting through the bathroom door. I don’t believe he was out to murder her that night. But was he ever emotionally abusive to her with the text descriptions with his volatile temper? You bet.
After the first shot and first scream it turns to premeditation. He could have stopped but since he just kept shooting it’s changes the course of his actions. He had a chance to stop and reconsider, that becomes premeditation.
I think the murder was not carefully planned then cold bloodedly executed. Did he kill her? Yes. Did he plan to that earlier on? No. The excuse he gave was sloppy and borne out of the desparation of a man who suddenly realised the greatest mistake of his life. Oscar Pistorius is a sick man. I think he abused his girlfriend,his jealousy was borne out of his disability,low self esteem and inferiorty complex. This is a man who had it all but decided to throw it away because of some misconceived dissatisfaction with his life,jealousy, paranoia or internal demons that he was secretly battling. And am sure he was probably high and out of control on some substance. Should Oscar pay the price for what he did? Oh my God, definitely yes. Nail his motherf**king ass!!!
Her texts have affected me in a way I wasn’t prepared for. She stood up for herself and told him he was wrong. And he eventually shot her for it.
I’ve escaped the clutches of a few abusive men in my life and I am thankful that I somehow wound up with a decent guy. Pistorius needs to hang from the highest tree.
He coldly and with clear intention killed her because she wanted to break up with him, and during their argument she told him exactly why. An egotistical monster like Pistorius does not take no for an answer. All the crap about him thinking it was an intruder, etc. etc. is massive BS and if this turns into another O.J. style win, I will be sick at heart.
I thought the most damning piece of evidence was what the neighbor/doctor said when he went over there to help and he said Pistorius was asking God to forgive him and make her ok. Any woman who has been struck by a man knows that as soon as he regains composure, he pleads for forgiveness and says he’ll never do it again. I guess if you shoot someone you have to up the ante and call God into it. The first shot hit her in the hip, now I’m no expert, but I personally would have cried out in pain as witnesses said they heard, but defense is saying it was Pistorius, and I’m pretty sure my female voice would go even higher, like the defense is saying his did, but we are supposed to believe she didn’t. And since the 2nd and 3rd shots hit the wall, and she had time to sit/fall down and cover her head, I have to believe she was screaming, crying, pleading, all of the above so he knew exactly where to aim the last shot, in her head which went through her defensively held up hand. He knew who he was shooting and where to aim, even after she moved. Unless maybe he thought he was shooting a screaming female burglar who happened to not be shooting back who thought the toilet would be a good place to hide? Or maybe he has a gold-plated toilet the burglar might be after, better stop her? Either of those would sound as logical as everything else coming out of defense so far. I’m sure the prospect of having years of accolades rightfully gained through amazing surmounted physical feats disappear, whether convicted or not, is making him sicker and sicker with every fact spoken. I’m also sure he’ll walk, but he’ll never be able to hold his head up again while doing so.
Quite a few of us on here have been in abusive relationships. We all recognize these texts for what they are.
I hope he rots in prison. And, like OJ, his loss/degradation of celebrity will destroy him in its own way.
The texts: color me shocked. It’s been clear from the beginning what an abusive, psycho, arrogant, narcissistic shit is he is, what with all his prior gun-related incidents and slamming that other woman’s head in a door and stuff. I think he was spoiled by his success and thought he could get away with anything which is why he let himself get into such rages with her to the extent that she told him she was afraid of him. She seems to have been an incredibly sweet, gentle person and this whole thing is so sad. I dream of a day when all women refuse to put up with even a whiff of psycho jealousy or controlling scary ragey behavior from men they are trying to love. I really think that at the first sign of shit like this, we should all just walk, loving him, wanting him to change, whatever. I think once someone shows they are capable of scary abuse, no chances should be taken.
I’m not sure he killed her in a strictly premeditated fashion, but i do think he totally let himself go crazy with rage and kill her. I do think all the puking and crying is pretty pathetic- he probably does feel remorse, but that’s just too little, too late. I hope he goes to jail. If he walks, it’s only a matter of time til he does something else that lands him back into trouble (i mean look at his pattern of violence)- hopefully, if there is some future incident, it won’t involve another dead woman.
With all the testimony so far, even if he gets acquitted in S.A, he’s ruined in the rest of the world, he’s going to get no more sponsorship money and will live with public scorn. She was dressed to leave in street clothes and he shot her so she couldn’t leave his insecure ass. He’s a low life with a gun fetish and control issues. While he was dating Reeva he was still threatening his ex girlfriend, and her new boyfriend, he doesn’t take being dumped well at all that’s historical fact, and he enjoys exhibiting power over women, which is sad since Reeva was a real proponent of ending domestic violence against women. She couldn’t see what everyone else could see in Oscar until that last night and it was too late for her.