‘Germany vs. USA’ Open Post: Hosted by Tim Howard’s righteous beard


You guys seem to like my sad little efforts to cover the World Cup, so here you go. Today is a HUGE day for the USA. I suppose it’s a big day for Germany too, although I think the German team is going to have their way with us and then some. Just lay back and think of England, America. The FIFA World Cup Germany vs USA game starts at HIGH NOON (EST) on ESPN.

This game is supposed to be one of the most-watched soccer/football events in American history. Seriously. Something has happened in America with this World Cup – suddenly, Americans give a sh-t. The sports journalists are all “well, finally America has started to appreciate The Beautiful Game.” But I have a different theory: Americans finally care because we’re winning. I mean, we were almost winning in that Portugal game until the last 20 seconds (AHHHH!!!!) but we won when we were playing Ghana, and that was enough of a boost to get people interested. But maybe I’m wrong. Maybe there really has been a shift and Americans will really start to care more about football.

I’m including photos of the American team and the German team. I feel for Tim Howard and I love Kyle Beckerman (he’s just sexy to me), but as far as hotness… I actually don’t think the Germans or the Americans have the franchise on Sexy Football Hotness. None of these guys can hold a candle to the (out-of-nowhere!) hotness of the Iranian team. Seriously, the Iranians were GORGE.

So, yes… I’ll chant “U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!” but I’m kind of expecting Germany to destroy us.

UPDATE: Germany won, 1:0. Both Germany and the USA advance to the knockout round.



Photos courtesy of WENN, Getty.

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101 Responses to “‘Germany vs. USA’ Open Post: Hosted by Tim Howard’s righteous beard”

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  1. aims says:

    I’m so excited! !!! We’re going to lose , but I’m so happy we made it this far. TEAM USA!

  2. HH says:

    I only watch sports period to objectify men. I mean, I guess I enjoy coming together as a nation and catching up with the rest of the world. But I will objectively say that objectification is the main reason.

    • kri says:

      Major International Swweaty Hotness. Soccer players have the best thighs.

    • Victoria1 says:

      hi-five! me too. why not? I love seeing nice muscular legs and lean bodies run around for 90 min+ because you can bet your ass I never will!

      • poof says:

        Right on. Me too. Grew up in Africa watching football/soccer. They have the best bodies. Always thought so.

    • apsutter says:

      HH, you’re freaking awesome and I totally agree! Can’t stand soccer but soccer players are the hottest!! Just the body type I like, long and lean and not too beefy

  3. InvaderTak says:

    Thank you Thank you Thank you! Eye candy and winning! ‘Murica!

    but seriously I can’t get to sports pages on the company Wi-Fi (but I can get here lol) so yay a place to keep up with the game and duck from the district people.

  4. littlemissnaughty says:

    My problem with the German team is that as a German, I have seen them give too many ridiculous interview. Talking is not conducive to any hotness any of them might display. Hummels is quite handsome but then his longtime girlfriend had some sort of style column online and she is … not that bright. And said some dumb/offensive stuff about Brazil. There is nothing that kills my lady boner faster than a man who is with a woman I find grating. So we’re out of hot players.

    • minime says:

      eheh I will have to agree on that one. First time I saw him I though “finally some hotness!”, but then I read about that girl stuff…and yes, that’s a huge turn off.
      I might be in need of glasses, but I find that René Adler looks quite good nowadays…reallyyyy good 🙂 (unfortunately not anymore in the German team)

    • Liv says:

      Yes, littlemissnaughty! I, too, saw the “column” of his girlfriend – and he’s supposed to be one of the smarter footballers! Can’t believe that he’s with such a shallow and dumb woman, ugh! I think he’s hands down the best looking player in our team, but his girlfriend makes him very unattractive.

  5. Hazel says:

    Yay! Another World Cup thread.

    I am completely neutral on this one hoping it will be a good game. Sadly, Italy is gone. Not Italian but I love Andrea Pirlo. 🙁

    Edit: I have now decided to change my allegiance to France because of cutie pie Griezmann.

    • Sisi says:

      yeah Pirlo was one of the most watchable players, it’s a loss for us all that Italy is out 🙁

    • LadyMTL says:

      I don’t have a horse in this race either (my two teams – England and Spain – imploded already) but I have to admit that my allegiance was with Iran because dayum, they were gorgeous. Now that they’re gone too, I have to find another-another plan B team, lol.

    • lylaooo says:

      i love olivier Giroud !!! ♥

    • paola says:

      It seems like Suarez has been suspended from the rest fo the Wolrd Cup.
      that biting motherf-cker deserved a life ban.
      He should play fro Transylvania FC.
      I am italian and I was gutted when i saw my team eliminated… now I’m supporting Netherlands.

      • Liv says:

        My brother just said that if he vetos he could play in the next game before getting banned. I hope not. What an idiot.

      • Snazzy says:

        Me too! Netherlands or Switzerland and I’ll be happy 🙂

    • minime says:

      That was sad, specially cause they did so well against England. I was hoping to see them going further!

  6. tifzlan says:

    My boo, Basti, is starting today. Wish my other boo, Klose, was too… in any case, go Germany!!! 🇩🇪 🇩🇪 🇩🇪

    Edit: THANK YOU for the Basti pic!

  7. Sisi says:

    that’s quiet an awkward leg pose by Kyle XD

    Yeah, I’ve seen almost every game, so I won’t miss these ones too. This might be one of the most interesting 3rd match days. Many of those matches were disappointing to watch. So all I’m hoping for is some spectacle, I don’t care about a winner.

  8. HH says:

    I have one question though since it was discussed hotly a while back. Is Soccer as racist as it seems to be portrayed? I’ve seen a few exposes, photos that seem unfriendly to say the least. I would love to experience a game in Europe (the energy is unreal), but I have a feeling I would feel HIGHLY uncomfortable.

    • Sisi says:

      It depends on the region I think. But I’m not sure. Hooligans have many issues, one of them is racism. It can be pretty ugly sadly.

      The Fifa and other organisations have been working on tolerance on and off the field for years, but idk if they’ve been very efficient or made it truly a priority.

    • reddy says:

      Football is just as racist as any other sport. Most teams try to make sure the stupid racist hooligans (the ones who think it’s always nice to throw bananas on the field when a black player is on…you know the usual f*cked up bullshit those scum comes up with) don’t have access to the stadium. It is a problem, just as it is a problem, sadly, most places.

    • HH says:

      Thanks for the responses!

      I would to experience the raw energy of a game overseas. It seems so electric, but the stories I’ve read are sad and infuriating. I do have a feeling that FIFA hasn’t made it a priority.

      • Sisi says:

        Well not all the spectators are hooligans 🙂 i’ve been to matches of one of the dutch premiere league (that I support), and when everyone is loudly cheering and singing, it’s pretty cool.

      • reddy says:

        Unfortunatly, the FIFA only has only one priority: money. The whole organisation is a corrupt construct that should be held accountable for all the damage they cause in the respective countries. They don’t give a shit about anybody. Watch the John Oliver clip about the FIFA on youtube…it almost makes you want to not watch the world cup.

    • vilebody says:

      I have been shocked at some of the horrible things I have seen at soccer matches in Europe. At games at both Spain and Italy, I’ve personally seen bananas being thrown onto the pitch at black players–this is fairly common behavior.

      If you want to watch racism being owned, google “Dani Alves Banana” and watch the video. Although Alves can be a dirty player, he has so much respect from the soccer world for handling that like a boss (and being good in general).

      • sonalaceae (Nighty) says:

        Actually, @vilebody, that “event” lead to a major wrath in Portugal against racism with everybody protesting in all sorts of form in favour of Dani Alves…. Famous people and everybody took selfies eating bananas with the headline: no to racism..
        But racism unfortunately happens everywhere… there’s a post on youtube of a group of german kids and an adult burning the portuguese flag right after the match between both countries… and they won…

  9. J says:

    May the hottest players take their shirts off, oh and may the best win!

  10. OhDear says:

    There is also Ghana v. Portugal! Ghana had some drama last night where two of their players (one was already suspended, though) fought with their coach and members of the Ghana Football Association, so they’re out of the team.

  11. Kiki says:

    I think you guys are good at all sports except for soccer. Its nice though, that you keep on trying. Good luck!

  12. GiGi says:

    WooHoo!!!! We’re a soccer family – my mom played, both my husband and I played and now my kids. It was always amazing to me that since most kids grow up playing soccer in the US, it really hadn’t caught on here. WAY back in the day, I used to date an MLS player (we actually grew up together, so this is less exciting/pro ho-ish than it sounds)… anyhow… I used to go to their matches and there would be so many empty seats. I’m hoping this World Cup gives soccer in the US a big boost!

    • Sighs says:

      Who? Who? Spill it, girl! I’m probably the only one here who would know him. 🙂

      • GiGi says:

        Ha! Welll…. It was a long time ago (maybe 14ish years???), when I lived in Miami… that’s really all I should say… 😉

      • Sighs says:

        Did he play for a few other teams after college and then come back to Miami?

  13. OSTONE says:

    Let’s go USA!!!! I believe that we will win!! We only need a tie and Germany and USA would go to round of 16. Two Ghana players have been kicked out of the squad and the World Cup, so Portugal may not have it as bad. Regardless, I have the USA makes it through!

  14. Nev says:

    Goalie is so completely YUM.

  15. Tiffany says:

    It could be because we are winning but also, the players are bringing the drama. Luis Suarez biting the Italian player. I guess after running for 90 minutes you get hungry.

    What sucks, both this game and Portugal v Ghana are playing at the same time so I will be going back and forth.

    USA! USA! USA!

    Edit: Just looked up the team pic for Iran. Road Trip! 😉

    • lylaooo says:

      there´s always drama in a wold cup!! im mexican and its very exited… i don´t know why took so log in usa to care!

      anyways …yes Germany is going to kick your buts! mexico and the usa team had bad history ahahah!! :S …i wont be able to watch the game 🙁 i have a crush on Lukas Podolski (german tem)

    • Sisi says:

      The games have to be at the same time, to prevent matchfixing.

      • Tiffany says:

        Wait a minute. Are you telling me that there is corruption in soccer. Nooooooo….come on Sisi, say it isn’t so.

        Also, things are getting chippy in the Portugal/Ghana game.

      • Sisi says:

        Shocking, right? 😀

      • minime says:

        Unfortunately, even with being at the same time, match fixing is possible. Actually that possibility was very talked concerning Germany-USA since they only need to tie or that Germany doesn’t win for much for both to pass. I would like to believe that Germany would keep their integrity, but I wouldn’t bet on it…they seem to be playing pretty soft.

    • Belle Epoch says:

      We have been calling him The Vampire. He has a history of BITING people! That is just so weird to me. Did he bite the other kids when he was little? Does he bite his teammates when he’s mad? Make him wear a mouth guard!

  16. Tiffany27 says:

    Mats Hummels is the hotness, but my heart belongs to Howard and Dempsey. Let’s get it USA!!!!

  17. Reece says:

    I wanna play along but I gotta watch this!

  18. GIRLFACE says:

    I have watched soccer for the hot men for years but I think the Italian team isa mightyahotta. Haven’t made up my mind about dread guy on team USA.

  19. hunaww says:

    Oh my god where are the pictures of Manuel Neuer,he is the goalie of the German team and hes fking gorgeous!

  20. Megan says:

    Totally agree about Iran’s team.

    • It is what it is says:

      Love love love the beautiful coverage of Irans team!

    • Shelby says:

      The goalkeeper, Alireza Haghighi is YUMMY!!!
      Too bad, Spain and Italy are out since they also have the hottest players.

  21. Tiffany says:

    Maybe someone can explain it. How are coaches and players able to represent their non naturalized countries in the World Cup.

    • GiGi says:

      I think the coaches can be from anywhere – but because each country has their own citizinship requirements, it’s a little different everywhere.

    • sonalaceae (Nighty) says:

      Players acquire naturalization of the host country, as long as they have never played before for their national team; coaches are just hired to do a job… coaching…

    • Sighs says:

      And some of them have switched. We have multiple players that have dual citizenship. I believe we have 4 Germans and an Icelander.

  22. Carrie says:

    Love watching soccer and love, love, love ogling soccer players. The World Cup is a very happy time for me 😉 Completely agree with you regarding the Iranian team – yum.

  23. elle says:

    Usa needs to calm the eff down and stop trying to hurt my shweinsteiger. no matter what usa does, they will not win. Germany is too strong of a team


    Sorry guys

    • tifzlan says:

      Agreeeeed. Both hits against Basti were so obviously malicious. 11 should’ve been carded. I am #teamgermany with you! Also, our Schweinsteiger 😉

    • vilebody says:

      Oh please. Schweinsteiger dove as often as Ronaldo checks his hair. Both teams played *ahem* aggressively and the US received just as many malicious hits. If you want to bash the ref, think of all the times he made the US take the foul instead of giving us the advantage.

  24. Tiffany says:

    Watching the games in HD. And I will say I am amazed that Ronaldo’s hair stays in place. What does he use and why is he worried about being pretty on the field. Come on Christian!!!

  25. Sarah says:

    ah too bad germany wasnt motivated to really play. hope this doesnt confirm american stereotypes about football being slow and boring.

    • Trillian says:

      In all fairness, the ground was soaked, that makes it impossible to play fast and precise.

  26. vilebody says:

    I know that a big reason for its rise in popularity among younger people is the omnipresence of the FIFA video game. It’s easily one of the top 3 games in popularity and EVERY guy I know plays it, as well as a bunch of girls. Since it uses real teams and players, and changes their stats to match their current aptitude, it gets people really into current soccer events.

  27. pajid says:

    “Just lay back and think of England, America.” for someone who LOVES jumping all over every potential un-pc comment made like an attack dog, seems in poor taste.

  28. jsaturno says:

    Speaking of hotness..keep an eye out for Aleksandr Kerzhakov (Russian team) today. I didn’t know who he was before World Cup…but umm..wow. Also, seriously disappointed in Italy, but very happily rooting for TeamUSA.

  29. Lempicka says:

    What about the coach hotness going on?! Klinsmann and Jogi seem pretty hot too me…I want pics of them being all bromance like in the 2006 world cup when they were both team Germany

  30. shannon says:

    I’ve enjoyed watching the World Cup since a guy I was dating at the time introduced me to it in 2002. My son played soccer for several years, and I really enjoy watching the game (waaaay more than football, the biggest sport to watch where I live – I find it so boring). I don’t much notice how hot the guys are anymore, that being said I am developing a crush on Tim Howard 😉 His game is tight, it’s hard to get a ball past him. Sadly, we didn’t give Germany’s goalie much to do in this game. Still glad we advanced, but unless the rest of the team steps it up, we won’t go much farther 🙁

  31. Ag-UK says:

    Woo hoo I watched in exchange sq along with a few Americans. I am very proud had my flag at work. (German bank) I know we won’t win but we will in 10-15 years. They did an ok job good defence and the goalie was v good and cute. TBH don’t want Germany to win prefer Brasil, or another S American team.

  32. Sighs says:

    It’s actually been growing here very gradually every year. It’s been more of a slow burn, which is why people haven’t noticed as much. When I lived in a city with an MLS team the attendance would always go up a little bit every year. Also, adding so many MLS teams, especially in more “liberal” areas like Seattle &Portland. It used to be really easy to get cheap National team tickets, but it gets harder and more expensive every year. Growth!

  33. Lilacflowers says:

    Watched the second half on Boston’s City Hall Plaza and must report no sighting of Benedict Cumberbatch. If he watched, he chose not to do so with the people. Sorry.

  34. Chris says:

    Suareeeeez! Damn. He’s been suspended and I’ve got money on Uruguay. I hope his camp lawyers up and at least holds off the suspension until after their World Cup campaign. Surely there’s some legal mumbo jumbo they can pull out to stall the penalty.

    • Chris says:

      Turns out there is an appeal in the works. 🙂

    • Trillian says:

      You’re kidding, right? That man is a psychopath. I am surprised he is still allowed to play at all, that is his fourth longer suspension and the third time because of biting. WTF?

      • Hazel says:

        It’s not just the biting. He also racially abused Patrice Evra and was banned for 8 games. He is a vile creature.

  35. Carolina says:

    Mats is my prince (despite his dump girlfreind!) – but the US has some hot players, too.

  36. Yup says:

    Congratulations to the USA for surviving the group of death. We have really showed thee world that we are a world class team. I am a huge soccer fan and it’s exciting to see people get involved and watch the games. Even if they are just watching bc we are winning they are at least giving it a chance and witnessing the beautiful game 🙂

  37. Cricket says:

    No open WC thread today? Blast!

    Chile gave Brasil a run for it! Sad to see them lose. Brasil can thank Cesar!