Queen Elizabeth quietly entered the royal stables. She smiled to herself when she saw her least favorite horse, the one who reminded her of Camilla Parker-Bowles. “Not that nag again,” she whispered to herself. The Queen made her way to her favorite horse, Estimate. “People always wonder what’s in my pocketbook,” she muttered, whipping out a morphine vial and a syringe. “If they only knew…”
I’m not saying it happened that way. I’m also not NOT saying it happened that way. All I know is that the Queen’s award-winning horse is on drugs. And Estimate the Horse has been seen at the Chiltern Firehouse with Lindsay Lohan. You figure it out.
A scandal in the royal stable! Estimate, the 2013 Ascot Gold Cup winner owned by Queen Elizabeth II, tested positive for morphine during a recent round of drug-testing, Buckingham Palace confirmed Tuesday.
“On Thursday July 17 the British Horseracing Authority (BHA) announced that a number of post-race samples, obtained from recent race meetings, had been found to indicate the presence of morphine, which is a prohibited substance on race days,” John Warren, the queen’s bloodstock and racing advisor, said in a statement. “Five horses, under the care of various trainers, were affected.
“I can confirm that one of those horses was Estimate, the five year-old filly trained by Sir Michael Stoute and owned by The Queen. Initial indications are that the positive test resulted from the consumption of a contaminated feed product.”
So what happens now?!
“Sir Michael is working closely with the feed company involved to discover how the product may have become contaminated prior to delivery to his stables,” Warren continued. “As the BHA investigates this matter, including potential links between the different cases, Sir Michael continues to offer his full co-operation. There will be no further comment until the BHA announces its considered findings. Her Majesty has been informed of the situation.”
This matter must hit close to the queen’s heart as well as close to home. At 88 she still enjoys her daily horseback rides and loves a day at the races. She even made sure to be back from her D-Day commemoration trip to Paris in time to be in Surrey for the Epsom Derby on June 7.
The monarch was in the royal box to see Camelot make history in 2012, smack in the middle of her Diamond Jubilee celebration weekend, and at the time had only missed the Derby twice in her 60-year reign.She was all smiles a year ago when she accepted the trophy won by Estimate, the 22nd Ascot win overall by one of her horses but her first Gold Cup.
“It’s a great honor to win for Her Majesty the Queen,” Stoute said at the time, “We know how much she loves this game.”
The Queen’s victory was made of lies!!! Estimate has been snorting everything. Estimate might check into the Bette Ford Clinic, but right now Estimate is partying on a sheik’s yacht off the coast of Italy. Estimate knows he has a problem and he’s going to change. Oprah offered Estimate his own OWN show about his rehab. Charlie Sheen keeps calling because Estimate has all the best drug connections.
Anyway, I feel sorry for Estimate. Do you think the trainer was doing the dosing? Is some kind of conspiracy afoot?
Photos courtesy of WENN.
Lindsay is going to sue you over this headline
Lindsay is going to sue Estimate.
On an only tangentially related note, has anyone here read Mrs. Queen Takes the Train by William Kuhn? It’s a fictional story about the Queen sort of slipping away from the palace and taking a day off. It’s really funny and delightful for any royaloonie. I just thought about it because there’s a scene of her visiting the horses in the stables and sneaking one of her favorites a bit of cheese.
She’s going to sue everyone who comments on this. Defamation of character
Didn’t the piece say Estimate was a filly? So, no, “he” would not be appropriate (as she’s referred to in the text), but at five, she’s not a filly precisely.
I have a weak spot for the Queen. She’s old school, hard-working, and a damned good sport. (Remember her entrance with James Bond to the Olympics?)
It wasn’t Estimate’s fault! Why does everyone want to see Estimate fail! You’re all out to get Estimate!
Estimate is just a child! Estimate never went to college, these are the experimental years!
Just a slight correction, Kaiser. A filly is a “she” not a “he”. And yeah, better get your lawyer ready for La Linds, lol! You know you can’t go around comparing a washed up trainwreck junkie to a gold cup winning horse! It makes “Hester Highfoot” look bad, and that is just not allowed!
You’re all just jealous of Estimate because you’re fat.
And you don’t appreciate her raw talent, grace and style
No, this is just a story made up by all the jellus royal h8ers! We’re all just jealous of Estimate’s youth, beauty, and fabulous mane!
It’s not Estimate’s fault that her father is an non pedigreed ass and her mother is a washed up (alleged) show pony! Or that she had to start hoofing it when she was just a foal, to provide for the whole brood! Why, ol Essy surely would have preferred frolicking in the pastures, gorging on hay and oats, having her mane braided and batting lashes at all the cute colts. Alas, hers was to be a life of too much, too soon, while that phony pony mother of hers egged her on.
You’ll all be so very sorry when she releases the list of jockeys she’s entertained. Oh, so very sorry, indeed!
Thanks for the laugh, Kaiser! Nicely done.
So you’re saying The Horse Is a Drama addicted Drunky a-hole with a penchant for Unreliability and Nose Candy?
There was a news update ticker going on on BBC that said “queen tests positive for morphine’ rather than ‘queens horse tests positive for morphine’. Kind of an amazing typo.
If I were the Queen and had to put up with Camilla the horse face, I would be doping myself too. I feel bad for her, what a shit hole mess, she has had to deal with, with that lot she has.
ahahahaha
Camilla is a lot of fun. Embarrassing musical beds aside, she has a lot more in common with HM than people realise eg horses, countryside, gin. Ditto Fergie.
My favourite horse too! I’m not really sure how being off your proverbial t*ts on opiates is supposed to make you run faster though. Possibly you’re chasing the dragon and trying to keep up?
Possibly it’s to make the horse run through pain if it’s injured.
Love the commentary Kaiser!
Contaminated feed, my ass! A horse at that level, with the kind of trainer and owner she has, there was no way that they didn’t know about the morphine. It is, however, very possible that the Queen didn’t know – but her keenness to finally win a Gold cup might have spurred her team to use extra measures.
Also, really not nice to compare Estimate to La Lohan. Poor horse didn’t have a choice.
Actually, five horses from five separate yards have tested positive for morphine at the same time so, yes, everything does point to contaminated feed.
Not disputing that all sorts of nefarious stuff goes on in racing yards (I used to work with equine vets & heard some horror stories about some of the most successful trainers) but I think this is a genuine cock-up somewhere along the line.
I work in the Thoroughbred business and if it was just one trainer with several horses testing positive then I would agree that something didn’t smell right but considering that it was five different trainers I really doubt it.
I see all sorts of crazy stuff in this business but this seems to be a case of contamination.
Morphine in horse feed? That is beyond strange. I am assuming that if it’s truly the case, someone obviously put the morphine into the feed.
Well I’d like to know what this feed is and where I can get some.
(And quit calling Camilla ‘horse-face’, eh? )
(PS Littlestar:
That comment re Camilla’s not directed at you……tis a general plea!)
This doping tale reminded me of a very recent scandal re an Irish jockey who also tested positive for drugs. What the hell did HE need drugs for?? Twas the horse doing all the work!
I wonder if it’s a case of sabotage — get all your strongest competition disqualified at once?
Wuh? You don’t have to put morphine in the horse feed … poppies grow wild. A few wild poppies in a grain field will contaminate the feed.
It only takes minute traces. 10 grams of seed pod is enough to trigger a positive reading for a day or two, and horses eat 10-15 kilograms of feed a day.
That is horrible drugging animals like that… they could really end up getting a serious injury.
Indeed. I bet the Queen is absolutely hopping mad that the horse was drugged, however it came about….she truly adores her horses (and all others’ too) and wouldn’t put winning ahead of their welfare or even comfort. Sure don’t her stables employ acupuncture and homeopathy for the animals as a first remedial choice?
I could understand a bit of Ketamine in the corgis’ cornflakes though, yappy little blighters.
This story is all kinds of “win”. Not so much the story, but Kaiser’s “translation” of the “real story”. Lol.
From Kim/Valentino comments, to Queen E’s rebel horse being “on that stuff”… I can’t with you yall today. Lol.
That headline is animal cruelty. What did Estimate ever do to deserve that? Oh, now I see…with that nose, Estimate could almost take Lilo in the Coke Snort Derby. Talk about a photo finish. I see Lilo’s dealer sneaking into the stables and giving Estimate the baby powder special just before the race.
Estimate didn’t do anything! It was the black horse’s fault!
I believe you meant the Betty Foal clinic, no?
Not everyone has lost faith in Estimate who will be appearing on stage with Lindsay in her first play. Estimate will be pulling that speedy plow.
Speed The Plowhorse is a heartwarming tale of a girl on speed who befriends a horse named Speed who actually works for a living, unlike the girl.
Or something.