Sarah Hyland, 23, has obtained a temporary restraining order against her boyfriend of five years, Matthew Prokop, 24. The restraining order was granted on September 19, ahead of Prokop’s release from rehab on September 21. The head of the rehab facility advised Hyland to get a restraining order for her own safety. Prior to Prokop’s rehab stay, Hyland asked her Modern Family co-star, Julie Bowen, and other friends to come to her house to help her break up with him. She had purchased a plane ticket for him to return to his hometown in Texas. Prokop took it hard, screaming, ranting and threatening to burn down Hyland’s home and hurt her dog. The restraining order details abusive behavior by Prokop throughout the relationship, including an incident in which he choked and threatened Hyland, leaving her with a sore throat and damaged voice. Here’s US Weekly’s summary and you can read more at TMZ:
Sarah Hyland has been granted a temporary restraining order against her ex-boyfriend Matthew Prokop, TMZ reports. According to the site, the Modern Family star claims Prokop, whom she dated for five years until splitting this past August, choked her and was abusive throughout their relationship.
TMZ reportedly obtained documents in which Hyland alleged that Prokop once pinned her against a car during an argument and verbally abused her, calling her a “c–t” and choking her. In the doc, Hyland reportedly said, “His grip was so tight that I could not breathe or speak. I was scared and in fear for my life.”
Hyland also reportedly sought help from costar Julie Bowen, who plays her mom on the ABC hit comedy. The documents claim that Hyland asked Bowen to come over to her house to help “peacefully end the relationship.” Upon arriving at the house, Prokop allegedly “ran outside into the backyard and began screaming” and threw a lighter at Hyland, threatening to burn her house down.
After calling off the relationship, Hyland claims Prokop “relentlessly bombarded [her] with vile, threatening and emotionally disturbing texts and voicemails including his own suicide threats.”
The documents also note Prokop’s stint in rehab last month and claim that the facility suggested Hyland get a restraining order due to his mental state.Following the split, Prokop posted a collage of photos of himself with Hyland via Instagram on Aug. 18 with the caption: “Farewell insta.”
Hyland’s lawyer, Lee A. Sherman, gave statements to both US Magazine and People. He told US “On September 19, 2014, Ms. Hyland obtained a Domestic Violence Temporary Restraining Order against Matthew Prokop. [The] documents filed speak for themselves.” Sherman told People “Out of respect for the court, the process and all parties, I have advised Ms. Hyland not to comment on the matter.”
I hope that Hyland is ok and that she has friends around her at this time. I also hope she has professional security, if that’s what she needs to be safe. I think of this young woman, with vast resources, publicity for her case, competent representation and the ability to hire personal security, and I’m worried about her health and safety. I can’t imagine what it must be like for women who have to go through this on their own. It’s been hard to hear about domestic violence and child abuse happening, but we’re talking about it, calling it what it is and exposing the perpetrators. That’s a start.
Photo credit: WENN.com and FameFlynet
You can even tell by looking at him that he is a tantrum throwing man boy.
I don’t think you can tell by looking at a few pictures of him. And that is the problem with abusers, you look at them and don’t see a “monster”, but nice-looking, young man.
Agreed, If I look at these photos I see a total “normal” guy, he could have been one of my boyfriend in college.
+1
I don’t think you can look at him and say for sure he is an abuser, but in every picture he’s doing that Beiber eyebrow lift thing, so he certainly looks like a douche.
You can tell by looking at HER in all those photos that she isn’t happy. She looks…strained, defeated. I’ll bet the photos we see of her from now on, she’ll look much happier and relaxed.
You can also tell she wasn’t ever happy with him by her body language.
I thought the same thing. He’s leaning in and over her, she’s either leaning away or has her mouth tensely set. Even if you didn’t know of the abuse, you can tell by the photos that all wasn’t well in paradise.
That’s the first thing I saw, too.
what a stupid comment.
How so?
The poster is right though, you can see it in the eyes. One of the Duggar husbands has these eyes as well and his wife looks tired in a way that shows beyond the camera. Love can be Blind.
But you can’t always.
In fact it’s very hard to tell if it’s a blind guess. We know the answer here and the photos picked show Hyland pulling away and not smiling with him leaning in. It’s leaving 1 major conclusion for us to make. He’s bad.
I remember a couple I knew. She was a sweetheart and he was a highly respected and kind man. You’d look at them and think “they really are a perfect match of honest, kind people.” Later she filed for divorce. He was a rage monster. There was absolutely no clue in their day to day to hint anyone that this was happening, but it was.
No one is protected from this and sometimes it’s the least expected person/family that is dealing with it.
@florc I agree with you , well said
I came here to make a similar comment about her looking unhappy & trying to move away from him. He, otoh, looks very possessive/ territorial. Additionally his lifted chin & brows give an aggressive and confrontational vibe. I think that’s what is most visible, and most of us instinctively know that’s a set up for an ugly power struggle.
Well said
Relating an abuser to a tantrum throwing man is pretty poor.
You may not agree with the words chosen, but there’s nothing wrong with it. It’s someone expressing their negative opinion of him. Maybe even shooting for a side of humor to highlight his immaturity. Let’s not attack others for posting their own opinions.
There’s nothing dumb or poor about it. We’re all saying the same thing.
@The Wizz, I agree with you.
There are many tantrum throwing men that are abusers , just like there are calm men that abuse not to mention just like florc said people are allowed to state their opinion whether you agree or not. There are many ways to disagree without saying something is stupid.
agree Wizz.
I always like when people tell others “everyone has the right to their opinion”.
so like, you’re telling me not to tell someone MY opinion because it doesn’t agree with theirs, all the while telling me to suppress my opinion.
um?
it’s a stupid thing to say. You cannot gleam into a person’s personality based on a few photos. People post “I see it in their eyes” is also a stupid thing to say.
My opinion, and according to FLORC I get to say it 🙂 thanks FLORC!
You sure do Original Kay!
My big objection here is to attack other posters comments with words meant to directly insult the poster. Not the post. Attack with facts. A counter argument. Not simply by mocking the words chosen instead of the opinion/stance.
It’s only demonstrating a partially formed thought. You disagree with the comment. Fine. How and why? Because you simply don’t like the wording? Elaborate before calling it “poor” or “dumb”. Those ords only showa limited understanding of how you’re breaking down your thoughts. Otherwise it’s an immature approach to debating. And this is a forum where debating is welcomed and assumed.
I think the thought/impression wasn’t fully developed or articulated, but the instinct is on the right path.
( opened this thread at 7am, returned 6 hours later. Better late than never?! :-})
True enough FLORC!
sometimes though, less is more. I *could* have written out paragraphs, however, it was summed up accurately with “what a stupid comment”.
I didn’t call the poster stupid, I called the comment stupid. So, my post was thought out and did convey the depth of my feeling.
Now, I am not taking offense that you called my post an immature approach to debating. If I felt the need to debate, I would, and I have little problem conveying my thoughts, as proven in my replies to you.
Less sometimes is more.
Original Kay
Oh. Not my intent! I wasn’t commenting directly to you or your comment.
Going over my last post after that 1st line directed at you the rest was towards my original argument. And not directed at you at all. I really should have specified that. Calling things “dumb” and leaving it at that was my issue.
And yes, less can be more. Not in this case though. It’s the same as if I heard a speech. Stood up. Called the speaker dumb or simply said “that was dumb.” And stormed out. It leaves the group listening wondering why they thought it was dumb. What they took issue with and why. Less can also be lacking.
So, again. Not to you and sorry you took it to be directed at you. It truly wasn’t.
Ok FLORC I think it is pretty poor to suggest that any person (male or female) that throws a tantrum is also likely an abuser. That is what I personally took from the original comment and is what I think to be pretty poor.
What a dumb thing to write.
*nods*
*shakes*
*giggles*
*burps*
Whoa. I think choking someone, threats of violence, suicide etc go well beyond some boyish tantrum. I think downplaying it just normalizes what is criminal and completely immoral activity.
^^ this
Tom Brady throws tantrums, Mathew Prokop chokes women. Big difference,
So, prokop never threw a tantrum? And we have no proof Brady never choked anyone before.
FLORC – Tom Brady admits he throws tantrums to get his wife’s attention. Your comment strongly suggests he is guilty of domestic violence, which seems like a weighty accusation to make when, as you say, you have no proof.
Wait, what? A tantrum as described by Brady is not domestic abuse. Strangulation and stalking is. There’s a huge difference.
Yes, you can.
I agree. Some of them surprise you, but others – well, they just put the s**thead-o-meter into red alert.
OMG … s**thead-o-meter is my new favorite word!!! 🙂
Look at how he’s domineering over her in so many of those pictures. And you can see her expressions which show she’s not happy. Having gotten out of an abusive relationship where the guy stalked me for two years afterward, I hope she moves, gets great home security, and hires a bodyguard since she can’t just disappear due to her being famous.
I finally moved and now always keep my phone number private, and also keep the abuser blocked on all social media as well.
I hope she doesn’t fall for his, ‘lets see each other one more time to say goodbye properly’, as that will probably be her last time on earth. Cut ties, move and move on.
^^^^ Exactly what I was coming to say. There’s no happiness at all in her eyes in these. She looks miserable.
Just goes to show you abuse can happen at any age,she must of started experiencing this as a teen.
This happened to my niece, she was 17 in her first relationship when he started physically abusing her. It took a lot of work to get her away from him and that work is ongoing even now, 6 years later. It imprints on a young person that this is normal and the highs and lows of an abusive relationship are just “passion”. I am an adult woman and it terrified me and opened my eyes to the dynamics of this type of abuse. As a family it was horrifying to see this vibrant, intelligent, caring person reduced to emotional rubble.
TLDR: I hope that those in this type of situation have all the support they need to come through safely, emotionally and physically intact.
Patricia Evans wrote in her book ‘The verbally abusive relationship’ if a frog is dropped into boiling water it will jump out immediately, if it is boiled slowly it will stay. These types will try and take away support – that can be one of the first things an abuser – abnormal user – will ask their partner to ‘give up’ is their support system – put downs of friends and family. Support is how a person can get out and feel they have hope of getting out – Julie Bowen shows that she is a great friend by providing support for her co-worker. Then the next step is ask the partner to ‘give up’ personal possessions – this is a way of starting the control and brainwashing. Name calling – even nicely said ‘cute’ insulting names – is a Huge red flag. This will be done ‘nicely’ of course until the person is trapped – then the mean games really begin.
Yep, I was 18-21 and somehow thought that love needed to include drama and volatility to mean it was there.
wow does this ever resonate! well said.
My sister is HUGE for relationship drama, and this might be why, the constant reassurance the love (well, not quite love is it?) is there, as opposed to the quiet, calm love.
I found someone who taught me about the quiet love, thank goodness for him. My first “relationship” was fraught with drama, it was exhausting.
There is an old saying I like to tell people who are used to drama and trying to get away from it…”Don’t mistake stability for boredom.” I love it. Sometimes people who are used to drama don’t know how to live w/out it at first. Or they think if they’re seeing someone who isn’t jealous, volatile, emotionally unstable, that it means they don’t care or aren’t passionate. Not true – they just aren’t used to normalcy yet. If they stay away from the drama and give calm stability a chance, they’ll see it brings contentment – much better than drama.
Thanks JenniferJustice, I am going to read what you posted to my mother, so she can then tell my sister. My sister *might* listen to my mother.
Very wise words, thank you for sharing them 🙂
A few years ago when my daughter was in her late teens her ex who was obsessed with her kept on harassing her. Constant phone calls at all hours, verbal abuse when he would see her on the street and when he got himself a new girl she joined in, often threatening my daughter. It got to the point where my daughter would be scared to walk the streets of our neighborhood in fear of running into them. One day they saw me not realizing my husband was on the other side of our car and began harassing me as I put my son in his car seat. When they saw him walk around they quickly ran off, but knowing our daughter was nearby with her friends I called her to warn her. She told me that yes she had just run into them and they were starting with her. We drove over to where they were and it what wasn’t my finest hour we got out of the car and confronted them both, but I didn’t care I was in full on protective mode. He pretty much left her alone after that and he and his girlfriend wound up moving out of state.
Mama bear to the rescue. I’m glad they moved away!
My cousin who is very beautiful had a boyfriend who was extremely controlling, but she never told a soul, he used to make her wear sunglasses every time she went out so anyone can see how beautiful her eyes are. and other things but that one was the thing that I felt was so strange but I think he became at some point violent. But my grandmother realize just with a look that he was this way and told my uncles to ¨have a conversation with him¨and after that he ran away.
Did you or your daughter ever go to the police? I’m not judging-I’m just curious how helpful they would be in this situation. Like-because they’re teens, or because there’s “only” verbal harassment would they have done anything? What a scary situation for your daughter. I’m glad he moved away!
she looks a wee bit manipulative. it is hard to live a drama free life when that is all u knpw
Wow, what a nightmare. I hope Sarah is able to stay safe and move on from this toxic, dangerous creep.
This isn’t the first story I’ve heard of the MF cast supporting each other in significant ways, they seem to really care about each other, which is awesome. At least she has work as a refuge.
Agree about the MF cast and I love Julie Bowen.
Did anybody else side-eye “TMZ has obtained documents…”
Is this safe for her? I mean, to have the private details of her abuse held up for public scrutiny?
I worry about this exacerbating the issue by embarrassing an already enraged man. Not that I GAF that he’s embarrassed, I’m just concerned about how that embarrassment will manifest itself.
I don’t know…can anyone with knowledge weigh in on this? Is it safer for the public to know that this guy is essentially a ticking time bomb or is it more dangerous?
Poor Sarah…this is so frightening.
I wondered about that too. I can’t begin to imagine how this guy’s mind works but I’d imagine having this out there would only enrage him further. Thankfully she has people looking out for her — and like you said maybe going public can have a protective effect — but I can’t imagine that she’ll be resting easy anytime soon.
I think it might actually help her. Obviousy not all abusive partners are the same, but I’ve observed that when they can no longer manipulate the circumstances they tend to leave. If this is publicized he will know (hopefully) that he can no longer manipulate her and the appearance of their relationship. This might discourage him from trying. Hope so at least
That gives me hope for her, Antonym…
Great point. TMZ released this info without regard for her safety and well being. It isn’t good to engage, which is why her lawyer said she had no comment. If he is mentally unwell, which it sounds like, this could be seen as coming from her via TMZ.
It troubles me that the rehab facility sounds like they have concerns about his mental state, yet it doesn’t sound like they could do anything about it.
I hate tMZbecause they are…well..TMZ. But really, in this tiny instance, they have called this person out, and now alot of people know what he is and what he looks like. No way to hde or lie or convince people he was railroaded or she was making stuff up to get back at him. An abuser is a liar and a sociopath who can usually be quite charming. ALot of us know the type and how they operate. Get yourself security that specializes in this type of thing, Sara. I know I would have if I could have afforded it.
The restraining order documents are all public record in CA. So it’s not so much that TMZ obtained them by paying someone off-anyone could have seen them/gotten them.
Now the question of would anyone have seen them/published them is another story. And if TMZ should have published it at all. But again, it’s public record.
The thing I know about TMZ from first hand experience is that they do not accurately represent documents of public record. This is dangerous, especially if it involves people who are mentally unwell.
TMZ will change the narrative to fit their needs at the time, even endangering people by suggesting that people who are trying to harm them aren’t really doing anything wrong. I was honestly confused by my experience, as I could not figure out what good TMZ was doing by changing details that they did. While their motives aren’t always clear, it doesn’t change the fact that they have no problem misrepresenting the truth,
This just goes to show how well domestic abuse can be hidden and that you never really know someone’s emotional state in a relationship. They always came across as such a loving, sweet couple. I’m glad she’s at least out of the relationship and sounds like she has good friends helping her. It’s a little worrying that the head of his rehab facility is the one who suggested she get a restraining order.
Right, and that it cuts across all age groups. Hard to imagine such abuse starting so young.
And yes it’s disconcerting about the restraining order, but fortunate that the person went out of his/her way to warn Sarah that they guy was unstable.
It doesn’t sound like anyone went out of their way to warn Hyland. It’s protocol to do this. If he was in rehab displaying an unhealthy obsession over her and possed a threat it was the duty of the facility to warn her.
FLORC, that’s good to hear. I guess I’ve heard too many tales of where the system somehow broke down and something preventable occurred so it struck me as out of the ordinary that someone would reach out to her.
Right, florc. I just meant that if he’s showing enough obvious aggression and threat that it was SOP to advise her to get a restraining order then he must be in a really volatile place.
I didn’t know that, FLORC. That’s a great safety measure to have in place though.
TOK
Sadly, it really varies from facilty, person, and location. If there’s a possibility of threatening behavior towards another that facility can warn the individual of this. Without that it’s the same as disclosing patiant information.
Esmon & sigh((s))
The system does break down. That phone call could have easily never been made or simply forgotten about. Maybe someone at the facility didn’t take his idle threats so seriously. Maybe he could have fooled them. Or Sarah could have no followed through with it. This happens. At least they weren’t married and she already removed him from her residence. If either of those things wasn’t the case things could have been more challenging.
In the end it is their duty to inform her, but they could just as easily not.So, in that way I agree. Good on them for reaching out to her.
I also noticed that the restraining order was not her idea. She may have been too terrified of him to get one. This was she can say it was someone else’s idea.
She has great support systems, her own money, and no kids. Now she just needs to fix her head. Did anyone read the “Why I Stayed” profiles on HuffPo? They were so disturbing and so authentic.
Wow, this is like déjà vu for me. From the rehab to the choking and threats and needing another party for help when I finally broke up with him, it’s eerie. Good for her. Change your number honey and use security for a while. I’m so far removed from that part of my life 15 years ago but I remember it vividly.
If this is true then lets hope his career is over, if he ever really had one to begin with.
He’s a Disney a Channel kid! I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. He had a part in High School Musical 3. Not much since. So add a likely level of resentment on top of the usual abuser madness. Big trouble.
She does not look happy in any of those pics with him. I have a 19 year old daughter and I’m so fearful of her getting entangled with someone like him. She already has a sort-of ex (one drunk weekend of sex and a month of long-distance ‘talking’) in another state who tries to exert control over her by yelling at her if she talks to guys, yelling at her for going out to a club, tries to tell her she can’t do this or that. So stressful. I don’t know how to encourage wariness without instilling cynisism.
It’s not fair to judge from the pics given. If this was every pic sure. The pics are there to lead us to 1 main conclusion. I could find loads of pics from happy couples on the red carpet of her pulling away, not smiling and the guy leaning in looking odd.
These shots were picked for a reason. They’re not all there was and therefore a more common red flag. She could have been tired.
Yes, abusive relationships aren’t always bad. There are usually happy times too.
Totally agree
Exactly. If you do a google image search of them, you’ll find tons and tons of pictures of them smiling, laughing, kissing.
He does have a terrible case of the Douchesmirk though. It’s probably unfair, but any guy that makes that face just seems like an ahole to me.
That’s why so many stay in those terrible relationships too. The good times. They accept the bad to have the good not knowing the bad they experience is violence. Not hard times like all couples experience.
Tell her to read The Gift of Fear by Gavin DeBecker – this is excellent material. Also for her to read books like The Verbally Abusive relationship by Patricia Evans, Why does he do that? by Lundy Bancroft -, The emotionally abusive relationship – Beverly Engel and to google sites like experience project – stories of women who have been in abusive relationships for a long time. It is hard to know until a person has been brainwashed into thinking they deserve to be mistreated for reasons given by the abuser – ‘abnormal user’.
What is utmost important for her is to have a healthy sense of Self Esteem so if she ever encoungers an abnormal user she will quickly end the relationship rather than thinking she ‘deserves’ to be yelled at by a drunk for hours and hours over putting her jacket in the wrong spot. Also for her to get a job where she has Independence, and to NEVER give that independence up – no matter how ‘nice’ the person asking her to give it up seems to be.
I agree wholeheartedly about GDB’s book. What an incredible resource.
Do you happen to know any books for a woman being verbally and emotionally and financially abused? Nothing physical. Just an a$$hole with narcissistic personality disorder who has been with a family member for 30 years. She is finally waking up. I want her to have some good books.
Patricia Evans books are good because they give real examples of Verbal abuse. You could tell her to google 4mingthoughts emotional vampire series – it it hopefull can help her on her journey. Beverly Engels books cover a lot of territory that includes verbal and emotional abuse – and I believe it may cover financial abuse as well. Gavin DeBeckers book is helpful because he shows how people can get conned – narcissists are con artists. And it shows you don’t have to be polite to people who behave like this – in fact it is dangerous.
Here are some links that she might find helpful :
http://www.eharmony.com/dating-advice/about-you/are-you-in-a-manipulative-or-controlling-relationship/
https://www.psychopathfree.com/showthread.php?2944-Not-Allowed-to-be-Angry
http://thinklikeablackbelt.com/blog/signs-and-traits-of-emotional-predators/
and along the same lines…
http://www.negaholics.com/live_with_a_negaholic.html
http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/128
She may also want to watch the series Dexter – the episodes with John Lithgow in them – the way he ‘killed’ one of his victims is to convince her to kill herself. That scene to me was one of the scariest. Narcissists are like this – they make you want to ‘kill’ yourself – in order to suit them and to fill their needs.
It is important to emphasise to her that it is never too late to get out – there is a lot of brainwashing that occurs in these relationships so your family member who is waking up – is very important that she has a positive attitude towards herself – My mother was involved with and had kids with a narcissist and have been dealing with him for more than 3o years – he abused my mother right until her death. He used his kids as pawns and made her out to be ‘the bad one’ and she had no support because we had been brainwashed against her, which is heartache now since she is gone and deserved so much better in her life here on earth.
@MoxyLady007 a couple more articles for your relative
http://www.lightshifter.com/toxicluv.htm
http://www.womansdivorce.com/tired-of-walking-on-eggshells.html
Thank you so so so much. I can’t even tell you how helpful this is. Thank you. I know this will help her a lot. I want to read them too- to get an idea on how better to understand and support her. Thank you.
Seconding the Gift of Fear and Why Does He Do That? The former teaches you to trust your gut, and the second explains that abusers do it knowingly, and the various methods. It’s chilling, actually. But very helpful. I think every young woman should read both.
@MoxyLady007 – wasn’t sure where to post this so will post it with the other similar links – more material that may be helpful for your relative.
http://thenarcissistinyourlife.com/stop-making-excuses-for-your-narcissistic-spouses-abominable-behavior/
http://afternarcissisticabuse.wordpress.com/2013/12/01/signs-that-youve-been-abused-by-a-narcissist/
I’m glad she had Julie there to help moderate the situation – it’s sweet that she’s close enough to her that she felt comfortable asking that. I hope she has a lot of people around her who are as supportive as Julie.
agreed. she is clearly an important piece in Hyland support network. good for her.
Poor girl.
It’s very telling that HIS rehab told her to get a restraining order.
I hope she can stay safe. Good for her for having the courage to leave, and for having friends with her when she told him.
I wish he could be put in jail for threatening her and choking her. I guess they have to wait until he “breaks a law” but isn’t threatening someone’s life against the law? It should be.
Since we were talking about child abuse yesterday, where do you think he learned to use violence as a response to frustration? The cycle continues.
Technically, the answer to your question is yes. Choking somebody is assault. Threatening to kill somebody is illegal. However, it largely depends upon the victim coming forward. So even if we presume she went to the police and filed a report that resulted in his arrest, what options are there? The Prosecutor’s office might elect to plead him out just to dispose of the case.
Let’s assume they don’t and it actually proceeds to trial. Since it would be her word against his (which is generally the case, since most DV envounters do not have witnesses) her credibility would be the central focus of the defense. Which basically means a victim needs to endure a cross examination that will seek to drag up any tiny little bit of dirt they can find on her. I’m sure in the 5 years she and her BF were together, he’s privy to some no-so-flattering information about her. And since Sarah is a celebrity, her image is of the utmost importance to her. A trial could destroy her career (sadly). (Remember what happened to Nigella Lawson? She almost became a pariah because her ex decided to try to attack her)
The problem is that we currently have a system that places such horrible high demands upon victims that very few of them will ever want to go through the legal process. Sarah Hyland’s case is just one example, but it happens all over. Victims fear losing their credibility, their jobs, their standing in the community, their families, etc. because of the intimacy they shared with their abusers. I don’t blame Sarah for not pressing charges in the lease, because she probably knew what doing so could mean for her.
Good explanation. Thanks.
If she reported the choking straight away or had photographs of the abuse, then absolutely he should be jailed. Without any sort of evidence, its hard to convict. Even threatening of her life can be hard to prove. It can always become a “he said/she said”.
It took me 14 years to leave. I left almost 6 years into our marriage. I had three kids and it was the scariest thing I have ever done. I left the state and went to my friend’s house. Prior to my return to the state of my residence I had contacted an attorney to set up an appointment to file a restraining order and file for divorce. I was lucky enough to live in a small town where I was able to find an attorney who would take my case and allow me to make payments. #Neverlookedback
Brave, brave lady. Good for you.
Thank you.
You’re so brave. That’s so wonderful you were able to do that for yourself and your children. Best wishes.
I’m glad she has a good support system with the police on her side (restraining orders are hard to get) .
So many women stay with their abusers due to the wretched mental wear and tear tactics y employ daily.
I would love to see her do a PSA (provided she’s at a place emotionally to do so) because abusers come from all backgrounds, classes, and ages…
I am glad that she has the kind of relationship with her Modern Family family that she can reach out to them for help. I hope she does take precautions to ensure her safety. If I were in her situation I would probably move.
I wonder if he grew up in an abusive household? How can you explain that kind of behaviour at such a young age? Very sad, I pray she is safe from him and he gets continuing help.
I’d be willing to bet that’s the case. I would imagine that sort of behavior is usually learned.
Sometimes it is surprising to see who the ‘abuser’ is too, not always who seems obvious by loud behavior etc sometimes it can be the nicest seeming ‘quiet,calm’ relative who is the harshest abuser.
It is always a possibility, but I just want to point out before we speculate too much on this issue that her father gave her a kidney and she credits him with literally saving her life. She speaks very highly of both her parents.
I think a spoiled child can become an abuser. I had a boyfriend that was abusive. His parents were extremely laid back and did not discipline their kids AT ALL. He basically grew up with an outrageous sense of entitlement and rage issues because as a child if he got mad and threw a tantrum he got his way. So I don’t like when people assuming abusers are ‘victims’ themselves. Yes, some of them are…others are just jerks that are used to getting their way and so will do anything to continue to get their way (including abuse/violence).
Oh, this is so sad!
But, you know, they’ve been together so long, since they were kids. That creates a weird dynamic of “forever love.” Plus, she had health issues and stayed with her — that also creates guilt. Lots of co-dependency madness happening here.
She has been enough brave to be able stopping their relation thank to her friends who helped her and the fact that he went in rehab
That sounds pretty scary. I’m glad she had the strength and support from others to end the relationship, and I hope he seeks further treatment for his issues.
I’m sure Sarah would prefer for this not to be so public, but I hope you can serve as an example to other young people in similar situations.
What an unmitigated asshole.
If the facility he was in recommended that she get a restraining order you have wonder what he was saying in the facility. He must’ve been making persistent threats to harm her.
+1,000
Yup. In most states, if not all, they have a duty to warn should someone be making threats against another. I am glad she got the call and got the restraining order.
Kudos to Julie Bowen for being there for Sarah when she needed her.
They’re both actors, and she is successful and he’s not. They’ve been living in her homes on her money. For some men that’s too much to take, being the plus one . At one time he thought he was up and coming, probably around the time of Geek Charming, which he likely got because of Sarah.
Its terrifying, she’s a young, talented, beautiful woman with a great career. How does an abuser convince someone with so much going for them that they deserve to be demeaned and hurt for five whole years?
Even though I think your question might be a rhetorical one, I’m going to attempt to answer it anyway.
She’s not getting hurt and demeaned every single minute of the day for five whole years. In fact, it’s quite possible that she had a few years full of fun, (perceived) love, and laughter with this guy.
In order to understand how abusive relationships happen, we need to remember that the timeline of how/when abuse takes place is a gradual one. She’s not waking up to a fist fight every day. Many times abusive relationships start off with a lot of passion and love, until the abuse sneaks in like a ghost, surprising the victim to the point where he/she is too shocked to absorb what’s happening. The pattern of insidious abuse is a calculated one on the part of the abuser. They know that if they just start hitting and don’t stop that the victim will usually leave, so they have to balance the abuse with extreme adoration and affection. It’s all part of the manipulation.
Bingo TOK!
It’s very insidious how an abuser takes hold over their victim.
Exactly.
I doubt all abusers are that insightful. Some probably don’t consider themselves to be abusers and would see their “angry outbursts” as being isolated incidents that aren’t part of cycle or pattern of behavior. But some would also be as you described.
Julie Bowen and all the others who came to help a friend in need, in such a scary setting!, are AWESOME!
Also, smart to bring in so many witnesses.
1. I don’t understand why or how such young people are in abusive relationships. Perhaps this should be taught in schools. Like sex ed. This issue is so much more in the open, but perhaps if young people received this information early, we might be able to reduce the numbers over time.
2. She needs to have security with her at all times AND be aware of his movements especially when his own rehab handlers ask her to obtain a restraining order against him. That clear indicates that she’s in direct danger from him. A restraining order isn’t enough deterrent for someone like that.
3. Good for her that she is out of this relationship. I hope she learnt that she deserves much, MUCH better than this.
I covered a lot above, but you’re right LAK.
She needs protection and to be surrounded with a safe group. If he wants to get at her not much will stop him.
As far as young people in relationships. I used the insidious above and I think it nails it. Maybe you’re already a year or 2 in a relationship and abusive traits slowly start to manifest. Reasons are given why they yelled at you and you accept them. It’s so difficult to pull yourself out of a commitement with someone. Especially if you don’t fully believe they’ll harm you. You might not notice it’s truly abusive until you’re elbow deep in quicksand. Already too deep and can’t pull yourself out. And sadly, you can educate youth as much as you like, but love is like a drug. You cling to it. Make excuses for it. Just so you don’t have to live without it. Someone telling you it isn’t healthy won’t stop it for the majority.
IMO, it can be (but not restricted to) that lack of life experience (that’s not bad, it takes time for people to grow and develop intellectually, emotionally) and then the combination of love and the feeling of responsibility/guilt towards the person one deeply loves can make people stay in abuse relationships.
A big cheer to Sara and to the people who helped her. Including the staff at the rehab clinic. I wish priests would do the same – but that’s another thing.
I’m so sorry to hear this. I love Sarah and I always wished that she would get with “Dylan” her boyfriend from Modern! Just loved them together. This sounds like a nightmare, its great her coworkers support her.
Boredsuburbanhousewife: O/T, did you hear that Debo, Dowager Duchess of Devonshire died today?
I picked up her book ‘wait for me’ from a charity shop yesterday, so I was spooked when I heard that she died today.
I couldn’t think of any other person to share this news with, who appreciates the Mitfords, other than you.
Oh no! She was one of my favorites! One of the last of the true grande dames. She led such an interesting life yet managed to stay grounded despite the craziness of her birth family etc. I wonder if gardening is truly the answer!! Thanks so much for sharing LAK I appreciate your thoughtfulness.
Now going to google the obits.
He’s from my town. His mother goes to my gym and is always talking about them. She seems nice and clueless about Her son. He & his sister went to HS with my in laws. His mother moved to LA to help him make it in Hollywood to help him make it while her husband/his father stayed here. I always had the impression that he didn’t really have a career-Sarah or his parents, who are wealthy, bankrolled him, which to me is a clear indication of someone who has issues. But, I grew up in a family where you had to make it on your own as an adult. If you chose to not Attend collage, then you were expected to move out and support yourself.
Sorry for the typos! I seriously can’t type on my iPhone!
Ironically he appeared as the “good boy” Ethan in the MF episode “Disneyland”. Mom Claire is desperately pushing Hayley to get with Ethan romantically over Dylan, who Claire thinks is a loser.
This is awful! I pray that Sarah gets through this.
I hope she gets through this okay. I appreciate that she probably doesn’t want to be a poster child for this but I’m grateful that women like Sarah can be public about it…. The old cliche of if it can help one other woman do the same….
Why isn’t this guy in jail?
Once again it seems there is a different set of laws for domestic abuse in Hollywood
I’m guessing she didn’t report it. It has nothing to do with Hollywood. The police can’t put him in jail if she doesn’t report the assaults.
Wow, if the rehab center suggested she get a restraining order, God knows what he was saying in rehab. That’s frightening.
Wow. She really needs to eventually tell her story. Young women look up to her and they need to be able to relate to someone like this. She can do so much good but standing up and saying ‘this is what happened to me and this is why I got out’.
I’m rooting for her. I sure hope that she is okay.
Wow. You can never tell from outward appearances what goes on behind closed doors in a High School Musical relationship. Were they both in the last HSM or just him?
Wasn’t she the one who legally separated from her mom and lived with her sister due to abuse?
Thrilled to see she is trying to break the cycle.
No, that is Ariel, the other daughter on Modern Family.
That’s one consistently miserable girl, and one struggling actor who latched on to someone successful who didn’t want a meal ticket to get away, that keeps trying to take over photos of HER. His abuse was just as much about money and power as it was about his barely there career and resentment towards someone who was going to have a regular paycheck for at least a decade after Modern Family goes off air, maybe much longer. He’s a violent abuser, she’s brave – and if a treating facility calls you to warn you that upon patient release you are in danger – you in danger girl. Sarah will have security from the production company, and the studio, she can afford her own body guards and PI to follow up and find out where he is at all times. Regular women don’t have these luxuries, regular women die all the time trying to leave their abusers. Have a plan, get a safety net of people who will assist you, do not warn your abuser you are leaving – that’s the most dangerous time of all – that’s when women and children die. Just go.
I applaud this young lady for staying strong and for enlisting people to help her do what was necessary. I hope she stays safe.
Good for her. What a scary thing to have to go through these past 5 years! I hope she has a great support network and a good counselor to help her through this process. It’s never easy to leave an abusive relationship. Doing so can be lethal, restraining order or not. Abusers are practiced at manipulation even after things end, and especially good at making life hellish for the one who left. It takes a strong person to be able to get out.
Thanks for your thoughtful write-up, especially at the end. Somehow it makes the whole thing worse that in the middle of this Sarah Hyland was ill and required a kidney transplant from her dad.
http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/live-feed/sarah-hyland-kidney-transplant-father-modern-family-324002
(There’s a positive quote from her in there about Prokop. Ugh.)
There has been a great deal of discussion explaining why victims of domestic abuse stay (men or women). Besides the psychological wearing-down and the fear for safety, it’s interesting too how the abuser makes the victim feel sorry for them, and how much not wanting to “be a victim” or defined as such by this thing that was done to you (denial, but also not wanting this horrible thing be what people associate with you) plays into it.
Social media and the interwebs get a lot of flack, but ten years ago, media discussions about this kind of thing were much more scared of offending the abuser and less informative/educational about the complexity of such things.
My takeaways from this:
– How impressively and extraordinarily punchable I find this dude’s face
– How much Hyland needs good hugs from her loved ones
– How much I love Julie Bowen