Hello everyone! Sorry it has taken so long to get back — I’m finally in America and have been without Internet access since I arrived last Thursday. The only way I have managed to survive is by holing myself up in The Cheesecake Factory with my Blackberry and watching Celebitchy load up on my phone really slowly. (I don’t really think I should admit that, considering the phone is still on a UK tariff. My fiance is going to kick my ass when he finds out!).

Anyway, I love America and its trashy gossip mags, but I still have to keep in touch with the British tabs. The Daily Mail has a story about how Victoria Beckham tried to show she has a sense of humour by sending a blow up doll to step out of her limo as a decoy whilst she shopped at sex shop The Pleasure Chest in Santa Monica the other day.

Is it just me, or am I the only one who thinks that the idea of Victoria Beckham shopping in a sex shop is funnier than the whole decoy thing she tried to pull on the paps?

Here’s the summary:

Victoria Beckham has finally got her revenge on the hoards of paparazzi that constantly follow her every move.

Photographers were caught completely off guard when an unlikely body double was helped out of the star’s SUV.

Trying to conceal their amusement, members of Team Beckham unloaded a different version of the former Spice Girl – a blow-up doll complete with blonde hair and huge shades.

Turns out it was a clever decoy: Posh was actually across town shopping at Santa Monica’s Pleasure Chest “speciality shop”.

According to their website, the Pleasure Chest “mixes naughty with very nice, helping all walks of life get comfortable with their sensual side”.

Looks like David’s in for a treat.

“We know sex” is the motto of the store, and they’re not kidding: there are plenty of toys for her and him to chose from.

Posh, 33, was also spotted trying on a pair of rather racy PVC gloves.

This is going to sound really bad, but I can’t imagine Posh having sex. I simply can not, and trust me I am a very imaginative person. I prefer to think that her children with David Beckham came about by spontaneous combustion.

Let me explain further: David Beckham — the man is sex on legs, he looks like he could throw a woman down and really go for it. Victoria — she looks like she keeps a bottle of antiseptic by the bedside table and probably schedules the sex in her Palm Pilot after she eats a stick of celery for dinner. The one time when she said she got rid of her hair extensions because they were interfering with her lovemaking just rang completely false to me. The only way I could imagine them interfering in her sex life would be because she would have to keep running out of bed to make sure they look OK if her husband tried to grab her hair in a moment of passion.

Victoria’s style brings some words into my mind when I see photos of her — classy, meticulous, OCD. Good on her for trying to get all dominatrix like and getting the PVC gloves out to bring more excitement into the bedroom. I just think that when she puts them on for David, she’ll probably start complaining to David that they give her a rash, and couldn’t she put on those nice silk ones from Neiman Marcus instead?