I saw these photos of Zoe Saldana out and about on Sunday and Monday, so I figured it was worth checking in with her. She’s looking super pregnant, and it’s easy to assume she’s close to her due date. But with twins, who knows. A Zoe source (she still needs to plug those holes) recently revealed that she is expecting two boys. These are nice photos of Zoe and Marco. He seems very protective of her in view of the paps. I forgot to mention thislast time I talked about Zoe: Marco’s put on a little sympathy weight. Not much, just a tiny bit, for solidarity’s sake. He looks good.
There’s a new-to-me interview that Zoe did with Queen Latifah. It’s not the freshest discussion, but I found it interesting. Zoe talks about how she always had trouble making female friends as she grew up. Mostly because of bullying:
On growing up without girlfriends: “It was really hard. Because I love women. There was for a long time in my life when I was younger, I sort of gave up on trying to find female friends. Because girls can some times be a little too mean with each other. And I don’t know where it comes from, as opposed to us uniting, we tend to pick each other apart. It was very, very difficult. I remember my mom always stood by us.”
Zoe’s mom helped her: “She would talk it through. She never uplifted us by putting some one else down. See, she would try to make us understand, look there is probably something going on in their lives, or you need to understand, as a person, nobody bullies when they’re happy.”
Zoe’s thoughts on bullies: “So the bully is the unhappiest person around you at that moment. They’re so unhappy he has to come and other somebody else. Once you know all these things, and you know he is the one that feels most scared, the bully is the one that has very little regard for himself, very poor self-esteem. Once you understand that reality about a bully, you have won already. And you stick to the people that make you feel really good about yourself. But the one person that has to feel good about yourself is you. It takes practice. It’s not easy. You wake up and, and now, are you kidding me? Nothing fits. I look in the mirror … What are you going to do? You put something on. You practice the ‘I’m beautiful. This is me. This is as good as it is going to get and it is great.”
[From The Queen Latifah Show]
That’s rough. I know Zoe can come off as a little rude, but it makes more sense to know that she had a hard time growing up. Honestly, who can’t identify with being bullied at least a little bit in school? Junior high was just a nightmare for me. Things loosened up a lot in high school. Junior high kids are some of the worst people in the world. Yeah, bullying is a topic that we hear about a lot from celebrities, but Zoe’s words on the subject soften her up in my eyes.
Anyway, I can’t wait for Zoe to give birth because you know she’s going to give these twin boys some pretentious names.
Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet
Equality means I can be equally mean to anyone, or equally nice. Get over it.
Exactly.
I don’t know why but a lot of women complaining that they don’t have female friends don’t have pleasant, cooperating personalities themselves.
I can’t be friends with you just because you’re a woman!
I agree, men are dicks to each other as well.
True but some of that meanness comes from girls or women trying to establish themselves as queen bee. I was ruthlessly bullied in the workplace by a woman 15 years older than me who did not treat male staff with the same vitriol. She really only hurt herself and her career with that behavior, but she couldn’t let go of the need to be top female. That’s not a product of equality. It’s a result of having been raised to view other women as competition for male attention.
I read an interesting article about how people with higher emotional intelligence also are better able to be emotionally manipulative. I think it is a double edged sword. Most female brains are wired to be more attuned to emotional complexities. This same tendency is what i believe can make women behave or seem to behave in that “mean girl” way.
I definitely agree that there are mean girls, and women who are threatened by other women and want to be the one and only queen – definitely. But I have also met women who claim that they can’t get along with other women because other women are jealous of them or threatened by them, when the truth is that other women don’t like the because they’re a$$ holes. So I don’t think there is one formula for everybody.
And I agree with Jules – simply being a woman doesn’t give you a pass if you’re a jerk.
@Gnat
“But I have also met women who claim that they can’t get along with other women because other women are jealous of them or threatened by them, when the truth is that other women don’t like the because they’re a$$ holes”
Why do you always get it yep there are some mean girls/bullies out there but me think Zoe may squarely fall into this category
Yep, it’s all part of the same shitty system imposed on women forever.
I don’t think it helps anyone to turn feminism into the right for both sexes to treat both sexes like sh-t. I mean, who needs a movement for that? Do we want a movement that makes things better, or worse? Is equal opportunity a-holery and the right for both sexes to bully something to aspire to?
I mean, yes, a person of any gender can just be a generally rude or even mean person in ways that have nothing to do with inequality. But any time a person is mean and nasty in ways that play into some kind of inequality, bigotry, or systemic oppression- whether it’s body-shaming, slut-shaming, homophobia, or that’s not something to casually dismiss or defend by saying “X group does it, so Y group can do it to. Because equality!”
As appealing as supporting the ‘right’ of both males and females to be assholes to any and everybody may seem to some, the truth is that different types of people do face different types and levels of ill treatment based on gender, what they look like, their sexuality, etc. Defending anyone’s ‘right’ to do this, or ignoring how women and girls are only hurting themselves and each other when they do this to each other, does nothing for equality. It would be much more helpful to fight against the culture of bullying and acknowledge all parts of it instead of ignoring or defending it in the name of equality.
Sadly women are the most anti-women people in our society, the most mysoginistic. They can give a free pass to men about anything but they will pick apart another woman for breathing
You see it in the way girls talk about women online and pick them apart when they are too opinated, saying they are a bitch and abrasive. And they are picked apart on their beauty and put against each other constantly.
Zoe here is probably talking about racism too. White latinos can give a hard time to black latinos.
Love Zoe sans the Nina Simone stuff. She’s right. Women can be mean to ech other. Catty etc. I would never want to relive grade school or jhs. Arrgh! Being an attractive aspiring actress didn’t help things. I could see people saying who do think you are.
Aww, that’s sad. It’s hard work dealing with bullies and learning to accept yourself and not listen to the negativity. She’s had other tragedy in her life (her father’s death) so it must have been hard for her.
I do think she prides on being tough a little too much when she’s defending herself to the point where she comes across as ignorant and offensive (sometimes).
When it comes to bullying in my life, age or gender weren’t defining traits. There are just assholes and they come in any form. People egg each other on and there is one leader and a 100 sheep because it’s human nature. 90 of them are probably ‘nice’ people but weak as hell and in need of an identity within a group setting. Bullying can also happen at any stage in life.
On an end note: her face in the first picture looks really young. That pregnancy weight is doing her face good!
@Artemis: sorry to hear that you were bullied but glad that you didn’t let it define you.
I guess I must be one of the lucky ones because I was never bullied nor have I ever bullied anyone. This despite me being the only foreign girl in the class all the way to my A – Levels.
But you are right about bullies don’t only exists in school – they are everywhere. I work in the corporate world and believe me some women can be mean, vile & rude and will do anything to get ahead of you career wise.
I agree with what she said about bullies. I always try to explain that to my kids.
“Junior high kids are some of the worst people in the world”. PREACH. I hear so many horror stories about jr high kids bullying and being bullied. It’s a terrible time. Sucked for me, too.
Girls are raised to hate each other.
I respectfully disagree.
I was raised in a household where we were taught to respect and love each other. That men won’t start respecting women if women themselves don’t respect each other.
Consider yourself lucky then.
Society teaches women that we’re not enough, too much, and have an expiration date.
Yes, it helps to have a supporting family and the compassion to understand everyone has their own issues, however, women ARE pitted against one another in such an ugly was.
As for men not respecting us until we respect ourselves, bollocks.
Collectively, we ARE seen as inferior and objects to be attained–there at wonderfully brilliant, compassionate, and respectful men BUT they’re almost always the exception, not the rule.
That may be true for individual households Maya, but it certainly doesn’t seem to be the case with society at large. Even the most cursory glance at popular media shows numerous examples of women being pitted against each other, particularly in regards to gaining male approval/attention.
And I’m with Maria on this one, the whole idea that men won’t respect us until we respect each other is bollocks. It is a diversion tactic, making women responsible for men’s behaviour so they don’t have to take responsibility for themselves.
I think this is an interesting conversation. I was raised to be very tolerant and respectful. My mom is a very liberal woman and she was constantly instilling in me that women were sexual complex and fascinating beings. That said, I was a judgemental b!tch back in highschool. I was bullied -by men and women- and that made me defensive torward everyone around me. But that said, I was specially harsh towards my female peers even though my mother was always telling me that was a wrong attitude. I used to slut-shame and be an a-hole to every girl I deemed promiscuous. Then I grew up, learned about feminism, listened my mother more and learned to be kind to both myself and other women. Some of my female friends are still very set on their opinions about other women and when I hear their comments it makes me think how callous I was back then and what a long way I have come.
So all this rant was to question whether it starts at home or is it the eviroment that makes us hostile toward each other. Can our friends raises us aswell as our parents? What do you think?
Rock on with learning as you go.
I did the same thing (unfortunately) regarding slut shaming and being overly defensive due to my own insecurities 😔
As I grew into myself, learned who I was, and more importantly began educating myself on women/ race issues (sociology major 😁) my views changed!
Yes, parents instill values but once children start socializing and going to school, peer influence kicks in.
I think conditioning is HUGE in how we interact with others, view ourselves, and see the world.
Nature vs nurture still irks me, lol.
My parents also raised me in a very tolerant and open home. I, unfortunately, was the target of the slut-shaming constantly. I have always had men as friends and that fact seemed to draw more fire to me. My best friend was, and still is, a man and that lead to a massive amount of torture from the other females I went to school with even though I had 3 boyfriends, 2 long term, all through high school. As a result of all of the slut-shaming there was a lot of bullying from others because it was the ‘popular’ girls who did the majority of it.
As a result, to this day, I can count my female friends on one hand. I have a hard time relating to women and cannot bring myself to get close to any of them. I suppose it’s a sad thing, but I still see women (I am the head of a large company) in the corporate world who do the same thing as the girls from high school. I just keep my distance and don’t bother with them.
My parents were my rocks to get me through the younger years and my mom still finds it sad that I am not close to any women but she completely understands. Her and my daughter are the only women (my daughter is 22, so yes, a woman) on the planet that I trust at all.
No offense intended and it’s wonderful that once you grew into yourself you learned, but the damage to others was already done. While it doesn’t happen now, there is always a sense of mistrust that never goes away. I sometimes wonder what I may be missing in having a lack of female friends but, honestly, I don’t think it is very much. I have grown up to not have much in common with other women I know (the love of cars and auto racing perplexes a lot of them) and my children are much older than most women my age have. Sadly, many years of experience has taught me that no good will come of those friendships anyway.
Eden75, I’m so sorry those things happened to you, I truly am. I do have to say that while I was awfully judgemental I never hurt anyone but myself with it, you know? I was raised to never hurt anyone intentionally, so while I was really criticizing everyone in my head, very rarerly did I voiced my opinions the target in question. I was bullied so I just tended to keep to myself and just stew in my head. I would just spit venom in my head and not have relationships with those who I thought wrong in my eyes. I realize now how it was my own insecurities that made me thought the way I did and how immature and stupid was to judge everyone due to my own shortcomings.
I had an entire group of female friends turn against me because a friend and I liked the same boy and he chose me and they made my life a living hell so I understand a little bit what you went through. My mom was also my rock. I am much more selective with my friends nowadays but I have found some great female friends and I think you shouldn’t give up.
Honestly I think it has to do with parents, friends, and the media. I think that if a girl grows up in a household being taught that it’s important for a woman to not look/seem like/be ‘easy’ ‘a slut’ or ‘a whore’; that womens’ self-respect, respectability, wholeness as a person, status as a role model, safety and well-being, or even the equality and status of women as a whole are dependent on her not being or seeming ‘slutty’, or that message is reinforced by her peers, by the things public figures say, and by the internet, this may all shape how she views herself and other women. This goes for men and boys seeing that kind of treatment of women as well. It’s not an excuse- there are plenty of people of both genders who rise above this misogynistic message- but it is a reasonable explanation for where that kind of thinking and bullying come from.
Same thing with body image and beauty standards. If girls and boys grow up with those kinds of messages being reinforced by family, public figures, friends, and the media, it may not only shape how they look at themselves, but it could also teach them that it’s ok to disrespect those not conforming to certain standards of beauty.
I certainly wasn’t raised to hate other girls. I was raised to be “sweet” and to like everybody. (I failed miserably, as you know, but it wasn’t because of my upbringing.)
I feel really lucky reading these comments, because I went to a very small school, and nobody was bullied. How sad for all of you who were. I’m so sorry that happened to you.
Zoe looks really pretty, how shiny is her hair!
I agree about Junior high, my god kids that age are awful, and going through so many physical and emotional changes doesn’t help. I can understand what she’s saying about women, I have a wonderful group of girlfriends I’ve known since middle school, but there are ruthless women out there who will try to destroy you, even some in my group did terrible things to each other in college, but you grow and learn and help each other instead of tearing them apart. Hopefully Zoe has female friends she can rely on now.
We formed packs in junior high. It got vicious sometimes, but I also had some of my closest friendships at that age. Weekend-long sleepovers where we told eachother everything and helped eachother survive the war zone that is middle school.
Some off the worst things I’ve heard came from men, I think anyone is capable of being mean and catty.
Agree. And I think when men do it, people call it “competitive.” Double standard.
Girls are taught to compete for the attention of men and are indoctrinated to accept women’s lower social status. Truth be told, most men are completely useless, and no one will have your back like your (female) best friend.
She is not really big for having twins. My daughter had twins and by the fourth or fifth month people thought she was ready to deliver. We even had an incident where a grandmother pointed out to her granddaughter (who was ready to deliver) that she should look like what my daughter did. My daughter was devastated because she wasn’t anywhere ready to deliver.
Junior high is just an awful time period for most children. Between the hormones flowing and the pressure to be something your not is enough. I taught one year at that level and that was it. God bless those teachers who do.
Cannot stand her. But do feel badly that she’s carrying twins. Must be so, so uncomfortable.
I just thought of something: OMG IMAGINE THE SANCTIMONY AND THE INTERVIEWS WHEN SHE LOSES ALL THE WEIGHT IN 2 DAYS?!?!?!
” It can be done”
“I Feel so soft and at my sexiest”
OMG this stuff is gonna come OOZING OUT!
Sometimes? Go to any “girl” post here and you’ll find vitriol aimed at that women by somebody. It doesn’t just stop in junior high/middle school.
You do have a point. I already know your comment will probably be interpreted as saying, “so all women have to like all women and can only say positive things about and agree with other women?” when I don’t think that’s what you mean at all.
What do you do when being bullied? My neighbor tried to get me evicted (but no grounds), and tried to turn everyone in this small community against me (I was a new tenant). I don’t want to move, I refuse to acknowledged her “superior status”, I don’t want to hate her (hate feels violent to my own person) but all the side-eye is wearisome. She is such a b*tch and I don’t know really how to protect myself. The manager won’t do anything, though she listened to all of that gossip (more side-eye). Quite frankly, I don’t even know what she has been saying about me – although one neighbor told me that what was said doesn’t sound like me at all.
I feel like the little duck at the park, that all the other ducks were pushing down under the water. Am I to sit in my apartment chanting, I’m okay, I’m okay? Of course she’s jealous of me – but knowing that doesn’t help the situation. Yes, it’s boo hoo time with tears.
Gossip destroys people. My health has been affected. Everyone needs positive interactions with others, even mere smiles.
I’m sorry that is happening to you, Wolfpup. I once shared a job with a woman who tried to better herself by making me look bad. She blamed me for her mistakes, told people lies about me, sabotaged my work, etc. I tried talking to her and she would just deny she did any of it. I hung in there out of stubbornness and eventually people saw her for what she was. It took a couple of years, though. A lot of people apologized to me for believing her, because eventually people like that get caught in their lies. But you know what? I’m not sure it was worth it. I probably should have just said F you and gotten another job. It made me crazy, and for what?
Whatever you decide to do, good luck.
Thanks Goodnames. I believe that I have to do something. I am going to write a report of events and give a copy to the police for a report. I’m so mad at the manager I just want to boycott her office. The folk who live in this particular bldg will get it in time, as I will have nothing to do with anyone except those of my own kind; where I have a fellowship feeling. I’ve also posted a plaque that I’ve made above my door that states, “Here All Dwell Free”.
Unbelievably funny is that I set a pair of Steve Madden shoes on this “enemies” doorstep, because they were a bit small for me. I knew that they would fit her, and she loves name brands. I really don’t hate her, I’ve been very angry, but not revengeful. (I have my standards!) Suddenly her angry feelings are muted with the gift of these shoes. I suppose that I just need to leave her offerings (!). For all the pain that she is the propagandist of, she just wants my stuff! HAHAHA!
Can I disagree about the self-loathing nature of bullies? I think a lot of people simply have a wicked, cruel and morbid sense of humor. I’ve always been pretty confident about my looks but that didn’t stop me from making fun of the fat nerdy boy who sat next to me. It was awful, and when I grew up I realised it. But it was not self-loathing. I just enjoyed making the kid suffer.
Bullying is definitely a topic schools should look into but the way I see it, it’s going to happen anyway. Of course, there’s cases that go too far but I think it’s much better to “put the blame” on the bullied kid and tell him or her to just get over it. I know it sounds awfully insensitive, but I think this treatment people have been giving to bullying contributed a lot to that “special snoflake” mentality so many people in my generation have.
Josefa, tell me you’re joking. Please. Put the blame on the bullied one? You yourself said you were a bully. And you seem to act like you’ve changed but you haven’t. That’s just plain evil to bully someone at any age. There was a boy at school that was tormented. I was popular and would always go out of my way to be nice to him and tell jerks to leave him alone (boy and girl jerks). And I would go to the assistant principal and tell on those that were making his life a daily hell. You think he was being coddled? I’m truly bewildered by your comments. You have to know pass the age of 4 how to treat people. Heck I’ve been training my son since he was able to crawl to be nice to others. Shouldn’t that be what we are doing??? SMH