I never really questioned Cameron Diaz and Benji Madden’s whirlwind romance. They were so unexpected as a couple that it seemed like a perfect match. Cameron swam through her famed army of douches, and “nice guy” Benji showed up at the right time. They dated for seven months and tied the knot in January. I expected them to live happily ever after, until two things happened: (1) Benji tattooed “Cameron” on his chest and posted evidence on Instagram; and (2) Cameron dissed people who air their lives on social media (which I totally understand) in Cosmo.
These two things by themselves could simply represent crossed wires between Cameron and Benji that are no big deal. Except … Benji didn’t get the message. He’s not a Cosmo guy? Sure. Benji’s spent the past week abroad for The Voice Australia, and he’s sending Cameron gushy messages on Instagram. He posted a puppy picture to tell his “bae” hello. He also posted a “good moring hunny” photo (with kissy emoji) that I’ve included. Is Cameron rolling her eyes at Benji’s Instagramming?
My headline to this story was somewhat misleading. A new story in this week’s Star says Benji and Cam are already in marriage counseling, but they’re using it proactively. Does this sound like a good idea?
Call it a preventative meature. Just two months after tying the knot in an intimate ceremony at her Beverly Hills home, Cameron Diaz, 42, and Benji Madden, 35, are in marriage counseling. Sources say the couple, who had a short seven-month romance before saying, “I do,” attend therapy once a month in order to stay happy. “They didn’t know each other very long before getin gmarried, and they want to avoid any potential stumbling blocks that may pop up,” explains an insider. And the pair’s biggest supporter is Benji’s sister-in-law Nicole Richie, who wed his twin brother, Joel, in 2010, and who set the couple up on their first date. “She told Cameron this is how you make a marriage last,” says the pal. The Annie actress has also spoken about her love of talking thigns out. “My life would not be half as fulfilled as it is without therapy,” she has said. “I take care of myself. I enjoy taking care of myself. It also helps keep my head clear and it helps me stay focused on my work and my life, and I just use it as a way of maintaining a certain standard of life.”
[From Star, print edition, March 16, 2015]
These two will probably talk out Benji’s Instagram gushing in their next session, huh? I don’t see a problem with a couple starting a marriage with regular therapy sessions if they’re both into the process. If one side is dragging their feet, it won’t work, but this story makes it sound like Cameron and Benji are both cool with the idea. I don’t think Cameron meant for her social media lecture (from an interview that happened weeks ago) to coincide with Benji’s sudden onslaught of social media overtures. This was a simple coincidence, but I feel bad for Benji because he obviously hasn’t read the interview.
Case in point.
Photos courtesy of Benji Madden on Instagram, Fame/Flynet & WENN
a 35 year old man uses the word ‘bae’ #yuck
Yes please for the love of god, NO MORE BAES!!
Right? Ugh.
What exactly does “BAE” stand for? Husband and wife? Girlfriend and boyfriend? Where did this come from?
Short for baby.
It means Before All Else
It means poop in Danish!
I thought he was referring to Beyonce!
Bae is AAVE. It’s a term that’s been around black people for ages lol only recently it’s been more “mainstream” for other communities like many other things (twerking, no chill etc).
That word bothers me so much! It just makes me cringe. Plus it means poop in Danish.
anyone who uses the word “bae” past the age of 13 is doomed
FWIW, I’m 23 yrs old and my parents have always referred to each as bae. While this may seem like a fad or trend, my whole life I have heard African-American couples call each other this and I’m more than sure they we’re calling each other bae before I was born. So, yes, it sounds dreadful to you because all the internet stuff. But to ms, it’s sweet because it is a term of endearment used by couples who have been married over 40years. What disgusts me is that people who don’t know this think it’s a new phrase. Or people just made it up in 2013. Or it’s just a Danish word for poop. NO! Black couples have used this word for decades!
@Girlllllllllll I had no idea, but it’s good to know! I assumed it was an internet thing, and you’re right it is sweet in the context you hear it
It is sweet in that context, it’s a shame it’s gotten so overused to the point of irritating people.
I have seen teens use it on social media to describe things and not people. For example “cheeseburger pizza is bae” “Target is bae” “red velvet oreos are bae.” That makes me giggle. I also don’t get how teens will post a picture of their celebrity crush and write dad. They will post a picture of… say one of the One Direction guys or Justin Bieber or someone and write “dad.” Or post a picture of Kim K and write mom.
@TheOnlyDee: ha! Trust teenagers to get it wrong. One day I had to listen to my husband’s cousin try to explain the term “hard pass” to my chagrin.
Middle schoolers have appropriated it…so yeah, it bugs me now when grown ups like Benji use it.
That, and “hunny.”
UGH!
While we’re at it, I cringe when I see the word “whoa” written out as “woah.”
Icky, icky, icky. “Creative” spelling is neither cute nor attractive.
Those are some of my pet peeves also, Frida_K.
I’m laughing because I feel exactly the same way. Are you, perchance, and English teacher? I am, and I always wondered if that’s the reason I cringe when I see “creative” (or wrong) spelling. I also can’t stand things like…a teddy bear with a caption that says “I love you BEARY much”!
“hunny” and “bae”!
*runs away screaming*
*right behind you!*
Wait for me…!!
Two desperate losers this was a huge mistake from day one and nicoke needs to mind Her own
Good gorram yes! I’ll be sooooo happy when that term falls out of fashion. Can’t happen soon enough.
Because it’s sure to be replaced by something less annoying, right?
I mean, if they’re into it good for them. I’ve been in counseling when I need it and I totally get why people would want to do it almost proactively. But I also think you can create safe spaces to discuss things on your own, especially if you’re in tune with your feelings enough to have productive conversations.
I just had a knee-jerk reaction to the “to avoid any potential stumbling blocks because they didn’t know each other for too long before getting married”. Um, wouldn’t the more obvious solution to that be wait to get married? Just saying. Although I wish her the best.
Completely agree about waiting. Not judging either, and I knew pretty soon that I wanted to marry my husband, but what’s the rush? I can understand feeling you really get somebody in a short time, but I don’t understand marrying someone you feel you don’t know well. Why?
I knew within 3 months I’d marry him, but we waited 2 years to actually do it, lived together for a year first as well.
ok, I don’t know if HE knew within 3 months but still.
I don’t get the proactive counselling. I’m trying to see it from their POV but I am missing something. They are in counselling just in case? It just seems odd to me, like they are betting against themselves or something.
@ Original Kay- I think part of the confusion is the stigma associated with the term “marriage counseling”. We hear “counseling” and we automatically think “something’s wrong with the marriage”. We forget that so many people are in counseling just as a way to air their grievances and keep their marriage happy and healthy.
I’m reminded of the show “In Treatment” where there’s a divorced couple and their son in a waiting room, about to go in to talk to the therapist, and out of the therapist’s office walks a couple that are laughing and holding hands. The kid just couldn’t understand why “happy people” would be in therapy. But for some people I think they gain clarity from having a third party there to “pull” things out of them. I think it also helps to have someone to back them up or challenge them if they need it.
If the Star story is true, they could just be learning healthy ways to communicate and handle conflict, which isn’t necessarily something that comes with longevity. If it’s been a stumbling block in previous relationships, why not address it together and right off the bat instead of waiting until you’v already gotten off track?
I think it can be a great thing. Here in Aus you are recommended to get pre-marital counseling before the wedding even if you go with a celebrant for a non-religious ceremony. I remember my celebrant sent me a list of people we could see. My husband and I never got around to it but we ended up going around 6 months after the wedding after he got back from three months working overseas. It was for similar reasons above, we hadn’t been able to communicate properly in that time and I just wanted to make sure we were still on the same page. Honestly I would go now once every few months or so if we had the money, it’s a great way to check in with each other in a helpful space.
Maybe the rush is that she’s well into her 40’s and maybe she wants to have a baby within the bonds of marriage? I know that’s out of fashion these days, but some people still prefer it.
@Savu-This is what I’m working on with my BF. As someone who doesn’t usually let people in, it is SO key for me to feel safe.
My BF is Mr. Feelings and loves to talk about stuff but I get emotionally drained and exhausted really quickly. I also start to get really defensive if I feel like every conversation is framed like “these are the things you do that I can’t deal with” instead of “these are the things I’d like for you to work on in order to make the relationship better.”
It’s amazing how much of it comes down to the way we communicate and how we approach our discussions. I honestly had a thought the other night that a therapist would probably be a great mediator. And it’s only been six months…lol…shoot me now 😉
So yeah, no judgment on Cammy at all. If I had the dough, I might try the same thing.
It sounds like maybe a few sessions could be helpful and might be enough. My husband and I went to counseling in our fifth year of marriage. Neither of us wanted a divorce or anything close, but we kept arguing about the same issue and never getting anywhere with the argument, and it started to scare us. We just went three or four times, and he helped us to learn how to discuss things without trying to “win” the argument, and how to frame requests for behavior changes. Mostly he helped us see how much we had dug ourselves into our positions and were refusing to see the other person’s point of view. It really helped us. So maybe you wouldn’t have to go on a long term basis, just to learn some communication tips, and for him to understand how to talk over issues without making you feel attacked or
threatened. Or else I could come up and tell him to straighten out before he loses the best thing around.
Is that your cat, kitten? So cute. I love black cats.
Aw thanks, GNAT 🙂
Yeah that’s exactly it: we don’t argue a lot but every time we do, it’s the SAME argument. It’s so frustrating and exhausting because I feel like we never make any progress in resolving things or truly understanding each other.
“he helped us to learn how to discuss things without trying to “win” the argument”
This is what he accuses me of–trying to “win”. He doesn’t get that by framing things as “here’s what you need to change about yourself” that it automatically puts me on the defense. Anyway, I’m sure some of it is my own insecurities–scared to let myself be happy, etc.
You can send me your bill for this session, GNATTY. 😉
@Dree-no, this was a kitty I wanted to adopt SO badly. She was gorgeous but she was already spoken for by the time I saw the listing.
I posted a link of my kitties’ tumblr on the Swifty thread if you’re curious.
Awwww, they are such cuties! Scottish folds are just the funniest cats with their strange buddha sitting positions. I am addicted to cats of instagram now as i am not in a position to have a cat at the moment sadly.
@Kitten I hope you try it and I hope it works for you!
To clarify, I think I meant to say that counseling can do those things for individuals too. Counseling taught me to be more open, and sometimes recognize what my own communication patterns are. I think for most of us, it’s about being self-aware. So when I would get so nervous I was sick about someone saying “let’s talk about this later”, I realized it’s only because I grew up with an abusive parent and that was her code for “I’m gonna take everything away from you”. She was purposely manipulating my emotions. Counseling helped me put that together, and helped me cope.
I feel like I’m not explaining what I mean well enough, ugh. The idea is in my brain but I can’t find the words! I guess what I’m saying is that counseling for any reason can teach people to be more self-aware and look at things through someone else’s perspective. And even doing that alone can help in a relationship.
Indeed. As Einstein said “You can’t solve a problem with the same conciousness that created it”
Kitten – you could try an Emotionally Focused therapist who works with couple on their cycle – having the same fight over and over. Look up books by Dr. Sue Johnsob also.
Well, better too soon than too late, I guess. Not for me, unless there’s a problem, but whatever works.
If this story is true, good for them. Marriage is not always easy and it is nice to see couples working at preventing future problems.
I mean, it doesn’t necessarily mean that the marriage is suffering, some people find that it helps them maintain a healthy marriage, I really hope they go the distance.
Yes, I know a few very solid couples who go to regular therapy. It’s not for everyone, but then again what is? No judgement (if it’s even true, lol).
Why exactly are we thinking Benji is a good guy? Because he’s quiet? He dated Paris Hilton and Sophie Monk, and both women became emaciated, ramped up the plastic surgery in a major way and looked deeply unhappy throughout their relationship. Sophie goes out of her way to avoid saying his name and Paris hinted it was an emotionally abusive relationship.
His brother dated Hilary Duff long before she was legal and started dating Nicole Richie when she was a barely functioning anorexic drug addict. There were gross rumours about the two of them and underage groupies back when Good Charlotte was moderately popular, and they both misbehave in Australia while shooting The Voice, but I guess they aren’t famous enough for anyone to care these days.
Seems to me they both like their women insecure and vulnerable, and Cameron’s just found herself another in a long line of uber-douche’s.
i didn’t know all of these details about him, but I was also puzzled by the “nice guy” label, as I never thought of either of those 2 as particularly nice
That’s some Old school gossip so thanks for the reminder. You make a good point.
Paris hints that all of her exes were emotionally abusive, so she’s not a great example here. And I’m pretty sure he and Sophie parted on reasonable terms at least, a quick Google search shows that she has no problem talking about him.
That said, he very clearly wants to be with a woman who will get him a little extra press. Dating Paris Hilton for any period of time does not speak well of him AT ALL. Hopefully he’s managed to grow up a bit.
I was at a cafe in Bondi (Australia) last year sitting at an outside table, basking in the winter sunshine with a girlfriend. I was about 12 weeks preggers so even though I looked skinny, my boobs were ENORMOUS, as they do in early pregnancy.
The Madden Bros wandered past and a couple of fans stopped and they kindly posed with them. The whole time, the two of them would not stop staring at me, or more specifically, my knockers. I am a natural blonde and naturally curvaceous.
These boys LOVE blondes. Sophie, Nicole, Cam et al. Whether they are assholes or not I cannot confirm or deny but I know for a fact they love Bianco Donna.
I don’t see this as a bad sign unless of course they are in counseling because of serious problems. If this is a preventative measure then good for them. At least they understand that marriage is difficult and takes work. Hopefully the counseling session help them understand each other more and work out any small kinks before they turn into larger problems.
I think I can get him a pass with recent Instagram messages. After all, they are on different continents right now and it’s not like he’s oversharing informations about them. If my husband has selfie with a dog taken for me and I find this on random day when we are far away from eachother I would think it’s sweet.
i think the issue is that cam said she doesn’t like it, not that there’s anything wrong with him posting it
Cam said she doesn’t understand the need of validation from the strangers in social media. And I don’t think that’s the point of Benji’s messages.
so what is the point of his message? if you want to send something to your partner you could, you know, send it to them. instagram’s sole purpose is for validation from strangers. not that there’s anything wrong with it, but cameron is saying she doesn’t like it.
@ell
He just want to say hello to his wife? If she don’t have Instagram it could be hell strange, but if she have and checks it from time to time it just nice, harmless gesture. And if she have.. well, she isn’t soooo negative.
It’s just crumbs in unexpected place, nothing special, nothing bad.
He probably sends her tons of private messages through other media, and he can’t stop himself sending through Instagram too.
I agree with Ell. Cameron made it seem like she doesn’t have Instagram in her interview and if she dose have one why make the massages public unless he wants attention from it which he getting. I mean he could have text all of those pictures to her, called her to say good morning or left a message.
As for the story I think its BS it came from Star mag that’s a big hit its made up.
He should have just texted it to her. When people write cutesy messages to their significant other and post it on facebook, instagram, twitter, etc it’s because they want other people to see it. I think that is textbook wanting validation from others.
exactly. you don’t need to post it on the internet for everyone to see to say hello to your partner.
Agreed!
Exactly this. I have a couple of friends who do this and I roll my eyes every time.
Yes. There really is no reason to post anything “private” on social media when there are so many ways/channels to communicate privately. The people who do this make me nuts, it is 100% about validation. Sheesh.
This is a good idea – they can afford it, and working with a mediator to learn how to discuss things properly and deal with inevitable conflicts without one person taking a doormat role is good training for anybody. It’s not actually a built-in skill. You don’t need to be on the brink of divorce, but such counseling can help keep little annoyances from becoming big annoyances. Both of them are late to the marriage game, married after a short period of dating, and there are a lot of adjustments. We take Driver’s Ed, why not Marriage Ed?
I completely agree, and I think you’re right that it’s a lot harder when you’ve been single for so long. You really have your own established patterns, you get used to not being accountable to anyone but yourself–there’s a simplicity and ease that comes with being single.
Once you’re in a relationship it becomes complicated in the sense that you have to share yourself–emotionally/physically, your living space, your time, friends/family…it’s a big adjustment.
They’re getting married for the first time a bit later in life is a good point that I hadn’t really thought of but makes complete sense. My husband was 32 when we got married which isn’t old by any means, but he had lived alone from the age of 19, never lived with a girlfriend, and was VERY set in his ways (and I was bringing a toddler into the marriage). The biggest adjustment of married life for him was simply adapting to such an upheaval in his perfectly organized & independent life. Being on time instead of 5min early, conferring with someone else before a big purchase, not having as much alone time at home, things like that were pretty difficult for him.
When you’re first married sometimes you’re still so…polite with each other & afraid to really verbalize your feelings. Maybe couseling at the beginning–Marriage Ed–is a good idea to teach couples how to communicate in a healthy & effective way BEFORE it has the potential to really damage the relationship.
He’s a douche just like the rest of the guys she dates. Even worse, this guy’s even more immature than Cameron judging by these tweets. They”ll be divorced within the year unless they get pregnant (then I give it three).
I just get STD’s by looking at both of them.
he still dresses like he’s stuck in 2003
I would like to see their marriage work – it’s such an interesting combination. There has been lots of baby talk in the tabloids and I hope it comes true, if that’s what they want.
As I posted somewhere above, I just cannot seem to grasp the reasoning behind why they would be doing counselling as a proactive approach.
Judgmental, yes, but I think it’s very strange. Like they are betting against themselves? Like they already know they don’t communciate that well?
It feels, to me, like there are now 3 in the marriage, and that seems strange to me as well.
I am all for counselling, I think talking through issues and having a sounding board is important. But, if there is an issue. Not just because you got married.
I just don’t know guys.
She is the best he can do. She can do so much better.
That’s my (judgy) take.
Like Phoebe on Friends when she’s so happy for Chandler being with Monica. But she thinks Monica can “do better”
unfortunately, I agree….. I wish them all the best, and I think Benji is cute, but they are not in the same league
Proactive counselling? hm……
PS. Isn´t it strange, that we believe this Star story? usually, if there is anything in Star, everybody would say BS……. I am wondering
People who overshare on social media don’t think they overshare. He probably read the interview just didn’t think it applied to him.
Why does a 36 year old man use words like bae and hunny? I would cringe if i was Cameron and i am almost 20 years younger than her.
I bet he’s already regretting the huge Cameron tattoo!
ok maybe I’m young and naive (I don’t think i am though) but if a relationship is too much trouble early on, to me you’re in the wrong one. I can understand that you might want to go to therapy as a precaution, but what’s the point of it if you get along? relationships should be happy. I’m not an advocate for sticking with people you’re not happy with.
I am SO far out of the gossip loop. I didn’t even know they had gotten married.
She never really seemed like marriage material to me.
What is marriage material? Seems like such an antiquated term.
It would’ve been better to get counseling before tying the knot! I never could understand why they rushed to the altar, but maybe Benji is the only one that’s ever proposed to Cameron so she snapped him up? After all, though she projects self-confidence, this is the woman that got breast implants to keep ARod happy. In any case, I would be very surprised if this marriage lasted longer than a year. I wonder if Cameron got a pre-nup?
There is a silver lining to the break-up, though: Nick Cannon’s tattoo artist will be able to make serious bank covering up Benji’s new tattoo, and Benji will no doubt put the whole process on Instagram, etc.
I find it more interesting how these models/actresses go on and on about not wanting to get during the time they are coupled up with another high profile celeb who doesn’t want marriage. Yet after they break up with the guy, and the guy marries someone else, then they change their tune.
Cameron, Stacey Kiebler, Elizabetta Canalis …
I hope the Star article isn’t true, but I wouldn’t be shocked or anything.
Everyone married should be in marriage counseling. And if you aren’t married, counseling for singles. A majority of parents are not teaching their children the basics of common sense, self-responsibility and concern for others.
I go to therapy once a month and last no the my fiancé went with me just for support but it wound being a couple session and now he has agreed to go to every appointment for that exact reason to help strengthen our relationship. As far as ‘bae’ goes he calls me that and I call him babe with the understanding that he uses it as a shortened version of babe or baby not for before all else because our children come before all else and then each other.