Lance Armstrong gets drunk on an airplane, is described as an assh*le

lance armstrong 240309

Lance Armstrong, 36, fell in a bike pile-up earlier this week and was rushed to the hospital. He then flew to Atlanta to get surgery on his collarbone so that he can hopefully race in his eighth Tour de France later this year. On the flight back to the US, Lance was hopped up on painkillers and downing in-flight drinks. He turned into what one passenger described as “an assh*le.” Lance was even cut off by one of the flight attendants who thought he had drunk one too many.

After crashing during the run-up to his stunningly ambitious eighth Tour de France, Lance was on a flight from Madrid to Atlanta. And apparently the sometimes-womanizer took his self-pity out on the other passengers. Perhaps he knew how bad surgery was going to be, what with that steel plate and those 12 screws he’d just had implanted in his collarbone, which was busted in four spots?

Regardless, an A.T. reader on the flight with L.A. contacted us and described how unpleasant the 36-year-old cancer-surviving cyclist was:

“He was such an assh*le,” ranted our onboard babe. “He was so wasted on painkillers, and he drank a lot. It was just obnoxious.”

So how much did he chug exactly? “Enough to be cut off,” the witness told us. And that was in first class, where the booze flows freely until passengers usually cut themselves off, honeys.

After bitchin’ for a while, Lancey, who had his arm in a sling, finally went to sleep, much to the flight attendants’ and other passengers’ joy.

[From E! Online]

Lance’s publicist later contacted the writer of the article and denied the story, saying that “the only thing your source has right is that he was in a sling.” However, the story’s source actually contacted E! herself to dish the story. I’m tempted to believe the fellow flight mate over Lance’s PR machine. He is a notorious control freak, womanizer, and generally a jerk – sad, considering what an amazing athlete he is.

Still, you have to give the guy a break. The race in Madrid was, in his words, a test to see where he was in regards to his training and to the other bikers, some of whom are 15 years his junior. The last time he competed in the Tour de France was in 2005, and only time will tell if his shoulders will get better for training for the race.

Here’s Lance racing in the Milan-San Remo annual cycle race in Italy on March 21st. Images thanks to WENN .

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28 Responses to “Lance Armstrong gets drunk on an airplane, is described as an assh*le”

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  1. PJ says:

    I wonder about this story. Usually when you take painkillers you can’t drink because the combination can be toxic. Being a world-class athlete, he probably doesn’t drink much anyway.

    Re the source: She thought he was “obnoxious.” But without any specifics as to what he did or said to offend her, it’s hard to tell.

  2. the original kate says:

    what did he do, exactly? although i do think he probably is obnoxious in real life, i need details.

  3. vsmith says:

    I have no problem believing this about him.

  4. kiki says:

    well at least he didnt play with himself on the plane , like that Spanish singer Elvis

  5. Susan says:

    Why doesn’t he retire already? Can he not feel “manly” without winning a tour de france??? VAIN.

  6. lisa says:

    He’s an a**hole when he doesn’t drink, so what is the point?

  7. Tony says:

    If you drink at altitude, the alcohol has a much more severe affect than on the ground. I don’t care for Lance but if he was miserable, it was nothing more than that.

  8. Marriner Smith says:

    This story is totslly false. My wife and I were on flight 109, MAD to ATL on Tuesday the 24th. We sat in row 4, seats A and B. just behind L. A.
    He was not drunk, I talked to him, asked if I could touch him as my 46 year old son is a big fan and biker himself. L. A.
    smiled and said sure! At one point I saw the Flight Attnedents laughing as something he said, he was not rude to anyone. Most of the time he was sleeping as he appeard to be uncomfortable and in some pain. Whoever the AT readed is who reported the story above is not telling the truth!!
    Marriner Smith
    Mobile, AL

  9. Hieronymus Grex says:

    Lance Armstrong began modestly as Lance Edward Gunderson, son of Linda Gayle Mooneyham and Eddie Charles Gunderson. The two named him, for some reason, after Lance Rentzel, a middling Dallas Cowboys wide receiver best known for indecently exposing himself to a 10-year-old girl. Lance took the last name Armstrong from one of the three more husbands his mother would go on to have, astutely recognizing that he’d get a lot further in life as an Armstrong than a Gunderson.

    Armstrong also goes by the nickname Mellow Johnny, adapted from “Maille Jaune,” which is French for “I use the fact that I had cancer as an excuse for doing things like taking steroids and divorcing my wife so I could pork an Olsen twin.”

    Lance Armstrong is best known for winning the Tour de France a record seven consecutive times, leading many to consider him the world’s greatest cyclist. This is a dubious distinction, considering that cycling is arguably one of the world’s gayest sports, evinced by the vast quantity of scrotum-gripping Spandex and the fact that so many French people love it.

    To some, Armstrong’s performance in the Alps stages of the race is an incredible physical feat, on par with Indian guru Sri Chinmoy who used to lift airplanes with his penis. To detractors, it is little more than the product of continuous training, also on par with Indian guru Sri Chinmoy who used to lift airplanes with his penis.

    Nevertheless, Lance Armstrong is credited with revolutionizing the sport, most notably in bringing together a record number of sponsors to fund, train, and outfit himself. Armstrong was a pioneer in taking this NASCAR-esque approach to bike racing, only without the alcoholism in-breeding and confederate flag bikinis.

    In addition to rigorous training, Lance Armstrong owes his success to several outside factors, including a higher lung capacity than the average person, a 30% larger heart, and much lower levels of lactate in his blood. Also, steroids. Some critics have even gone so far as to theorize that testicular cancer actually helped him win the Tour de France, a charge based on the phenomenon that eunuchs are more aerodynamic.

    Lance Armstrong officially retired from racing on July 24, 2005, at the end of the Tour de France, coincidentally just minutes before the nurse showed up to test his blood.

  10. my take says:

    Has anyone read his book? He’s an asshole by his own definition.

  11. lilirose says:

    He is a jerk, a first “class” asshole.
    He is well known for it.

  12. Caroline says:
    Lance had a layover in NYC not Atlanta – its a lie – its on his Twitter.

  13. Lem says:

    GREX: grudge much
    how exactly is a whole sport gay? Or would that be all French are a bit light?

    please he’s the most drug tested athlete in the sport, you’ll have to do better than that.
    “eunuchs are more aerodynamic” seriously? he must have been tucking then, when he won before the cancer?
    So let’s tally. He’s a redneck-french sympathizing lycra wearing eunuch ferry who’s mother was easy therefore he must be a steroidal, troll boikin, well sponsored, well funded pioneer with a big heart and a penis capable of incredible feats?
    Whiff’s a bit of the BOP

  14. Hieronymus Grex says:


    Were you born without the humor gene or did you watch back to back episodes of 3 Stooges and electrocute your genitals every time you felt like smiling ? The penis-lifting guru bit should have left no doubts I was joking around.

    Wow, some folks are just too sensitive when their patron celebrity sacred cows get knocked around.

  15. sissoucat says:

    Grex: am I wrong or is this his Dickipedia article ? Are you the author ?

    Lem: he tested positive for drugs on an old sample. He wasn’t prosecuted, because this specific drug wasn’t forbidden at the time the sample was taken – nobody knew it existed yet.

    He retired amid this scandal – which he didn’t address, pretending it was all about French testing agencies hating American athletes. Because he wasn’t a drug ahead anymore. If he’s back, guess what it means.

    And from what fellow Tour de France contestants have dared to tell the media, he ain’t M. Congeniality.

  16. czarina says:

    It’s sad that if this story is untrue, he has built such a bad reputation for himself that people would instantly say “this sounds just like him”.
    That alone ought to give the man pause for thought!

  17. sissoucat says:

    A French comic said 20 or 30 years ago something in the line of :

    “In cycling, they’re all on drugs. If they weren’t, the Tour de France racers would arrive in Paris for Christmas.”

    For those who don’t care for cycling, Tour de France is a summer event.

  18. meow mix says:



    Loved it.

  19. maille vert says:

    You’re a rider, Im sure of it. When your pro cycling career is done, you have a career writing for the Tonight Show or Letterman…that was hilarious!!!

  20. Isobel says:

    Hasn’t he been 36 for oh. . .several years now?

  21. j. ferber says:

    Grex, I think Lem knew you were joking around, but was offended anyway. Her prerogative. I’m offended by “the gayest sport” comment, too, and I also know you were kidding around.

  22. vsmith says:

    I figured that Mr. Congeniality story was crap.

  23. Heironymus Grex says:

    My apologies to anyone who was truly offended and yes, it was from the Dickipedia- I couldn’t resist. I frankly couldn’t make heads or tails of what Lem was saying in their reply so….

  24. Dee says:

    Um, you never HAVE to excuse bad behaviour because sometimes it’s hard riding a bike really far.

  25. Orangejulius says:

    He looks more like 46…or more.

  26. Jim Harmon says:

    Such amazing insight from people who have never met the man and who are grossly misinformed. Taking the talking heads on TV at face value and reading tabloids for information is a sad commentary. Of course this is not at all unusual for the majority of knee-jerk bloggers.

  27. loz says:

    Grex, that was hilarious!!!
    Lem, just one small fact, all 7 Tour de France victories were AFTER his cancer treatment…was nowhere near even a place before he had cancer.

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