I always go back and forth on this… Gabrielle Union: shady or fine? Like, I think she’s shady for everything that went down with Dwyane Wade, from the end of his first marriage to their half-assed “breakup” where he fathered a child with a “friend,” to the way she seems to relish being an NBA WAG. But on the other side, I still sort of like her because I’ve always liked her. She’s beautiful, she’s a better actress than people realize, and she should have been a much bigger star.
Anyway, the October issue of Redbook has three covers for some reason. Gabrielle has one, then Erin Andrews on another, then Maria Menounos on another. All women were asked about, and spoke freely on, work-life balance, family planning and whether they even want to become mothers. Gabrielle made some of the most interesting comments:
The 10-year age difference between Gabrielle and Dwyane Wade: “His teammates, were conceived when I was, like, a senior in high school. I was in high school at the same time as their parents! Sometimes he’ll be like, ‘Oh, my God, he’s so old!’ about someone who’s 35. But, Dwyane’s an old 33, and I’m a young 42, so it balances out.”
Starting a family with Wade: “So far, it has not happened for us. A lot of my friends deal with this. There’s a certain amount of shame that is placed on women who have perhaps chosen a career over starting a family younger. The penance for being a career woman is barrenness. You feel like you’re wearing a scarlet letter.”
On IVF & the pressure of starting a family: “The reality is that women are discriminated against in the workplace for being mothers. As much as there are strides being made — you get pregnant, your career takes a hit. You can’t have a bad day. Don’t you dare cry at work. Don’t raise your voice. Especially if you’re a black woman in corporate America — now you’re ‘the angry black woman.’”
Just to clarify, Wade is already a father – he and his ex-wife have two sons together, and he has a third son with a “friend,” the woman he slept with when he was supposed to be “on a break” with Union. So, Union is a stepmother to his kids, but she’s talking about having biological kids with Wade. If that’s what she wants, then God bless, but it does sound like she has sort of mixed feelings about it. And yes, it does feel like the message from society and the media is “The penance for being a career woman is barrenness.” Just like the penance for choosing to be child-free is that you’re treated like an oddity, a social outcast.
Photos/covers courtesy of Alexei Hay/Redbook.
I think she is commenting more on the attitudes some people still have about women being career oriented. Some tv shows are still inviting the god awful Susan Patton (AKA Princeton Mom) to shill her stupid idea that young women should marry and have kids, then start a career.
Actually, I think we need to reform and rearrange society so women can have children in their 20s and early 30s AND still have a career. Biologically, that age is the best time to have a low-risk pregnancy and a healthy baby, and women are also more likely to get pregnant at that age without invasive fertility treatments. Good child care would make having kids early more workable for young women.
most of the rest of the world has given up on the “career above everything else” anyway after seeing what it does to people and younger generatiosn actually wanting to experience life instead of spending time in meetings.
generally basically every country needs better child care but we should also not forget that almost all “career women” in the media have outrageous schedules that are simply not compatible with any kind of social life. so they really shouldnt have children, they are gone for months, child care does not help with that. why some women have children with men with that schedules is beyond me, i can only think of having financial secutiry and the guy out of the house as a reason. but thats not a problem for the majority anyway.
with the coming automation we’ll all have to think about how to find different things in life as most people will never work again.
Completely agree. In the US, if we did not have immigration, our population would be shrinking. Not good for a generation of baby-boomers about to get medicaid. And who can blame people for not wanting children? In many ways it is an economic punishment. You are delayed in your career, your education and value in the market take a direct hit. There is no comprehensive Maternity leave. The pay for childcare can be equal to the amount people pay for rent in some parts of the US. We have made having a child a privilege for the rich, or a burden for the poor.
Economic security, low cost health care and high quality education are all requirements (in my mind) to have a child. I see many woman who have waved goodbye to their child bearing years due to the recession, but it has been compounded by the fact that the US-government remains so unfriendly to mothers.
Women shouldn’t be forced to have children at a certain age just because, even though they are not ready for it.
Our daycare bill (for 4 days a week) is more than our mortgage. I carry the health & retirement benefits so quitting isn’t an option right now. I’m lucky enough to work for a company that allows me a flexible schedule and the ability to work from home on Fridays. We would love to have a third child but financially we can’t afford three in daycare. By the time our oldest is out of daycare I’ll be 35 which puts me in a higher risk category.
What MK said. Exactly. As a mother of three w/ a BA, I’m not poor enough to receive aid. But I’m not wealthy enough to cover the cost of raising three children properly w/ my husband, despite his six figure salary. I scrub my parents toilets & babysit my friends’ children just to be able to buy winter coats & boots for my brood. We’re regarded as outcasts in our city b/c we have this ridiculous notion that families should sit down & eat dinner together every evening.
I don’t know that women who choose not to have kids are treated as outcasts. I have known many and unless they’re hiding a lot of angst I feel like they have full, happy lives. I do get that it would be uncomfortable to spend a lot of time with women who are moms and make people feel like those without kids are somehow “less than.”
But I agree 100% that women with kids are discriminated in the workplace. It happened to me, although I’d like to think that employers are changing. At least some of them, anyway.
As for GU, I don’t know that she’s a shady as much as her husband is.
Oh trust me Esmom My family treats me like there is something absolutely wrong with me for not having or wanting kids, This is one thing perfect strangers feel very ok coming up and giving you their unvarnished, unrequested opinion and also where people feel entitled to question you and your decision making with NO compunction
That sucks, so sorry. It’s funny, my sister got the opposite from my parents. She had been firm about not ever wanting kids and they seemed fine with that. Then she turned 40, got married and had a baby within 2 years and my mom freaked out. She still gives her grief for “changing her mind.”
Yes, I’ve been told you’d be a great mom. OK, but that doesn’t mean I have to be one! One good thing is as I get older, people ask less, prob they think it might be infertility, not personal choice. Also people think if you’re in your 30s and never been married, there must be something wrong with you
Snowflake, I tell people that my cat would be a great mom (she really would) but alas she is spayed so the world will never delight in the joy of her little spawn. It’s funny because they’re not sure how to respond to that so you can change the subject.
@BearCat: Lol @ mom cliques. Those are a special breed of super women, let me tell you. The competition among those women and the oneupmanship is fierce!They exclude even other moms. I’m a worker/career mom and I can assure you that I do not measure up and therefore cannot be included among the play date set. Thank God!
Amen. I get so much nonsense about the decision not to have children, it’s shocking. I’ll be forty next month and people act like I’m either a tragic case (oh, poor thing: barren after all these years) or a monster (you must HATE children…).
I cannot imagine asking a woman whether I knew her or not, why she doesn’t have kids? What an invasive question! It shouldn’t surprise me though because I’ve had several women ask me if I plan to have more children because I only have one who is almost 12 now. It pisses me off because they’re only bringing that subject up to try to knock me down a peg or two. In their eyes the more children you have, the better mom you are or better family you have. What a crock! That is simply their own insecurity looking for a way to one up somebody. I shoot right back, “No. We’re good with our little family. We get to do everything we want, have everything we want, and we’ve made sure our son has lots of friends. We made an effort to make our house the place where all his friends want to hang out.”
I admire women who can admit they dont’ want something that society has deemed a requirement to be accepted as normal or whatever. I admire women who maybe want kids but know their limitations and decide they might not be good at motherhood. I admire women who want kids but can’t have their own and are willing and able to bond with an adopted child and give them an amazing family and home.
I can honestly say I don’t know that I’d be as good a mother as I am had I had more children. I’m good with one but that doesn’t mean I’d be as patient or have the energy and time for more. I don’t think that makes me less than anybody who has 3, 4 or 6 kids. I’d like to think it makes me aware and honest.
Perhaps “outcast” is too strong of a word, but there is definitely Judgement if you admit to being a childfree woman by choice. Like, “whoa, wait a minute, really? what’s wrong with you? are you sure?” It’s different if you cannot have a child for medical reasons, in that case you get sympathy. People have a hard time wrapping their heads around a woman who has no desire to sacrifice her life to others, because that’s what it is. Women should be selfless, and when we’re not it throws people off.
Same thing with women who are happily single. People can’t believe that a woman can be happy on her own. For some reason our culture equals female happiness with external sources, a husband, children, and can’t comprehend that a woman can be complete as herself.
Being child-free for medical reasons does get you some sympathy, but the mom cliques can and often do still exclude you and make you feel as though you cannot possibly have anything of value to contribute because you do not have kids. I also agree that women with children do suffer some degree of discrimination in the workplace (while fathers tend to benefit at work), but being childless has its own disadvantages. I remember lawyers at my old firm assigning urgent or undesirable tasks to me, knowing I would have to work late or get up very early, because I did not have kids at home and would not be unduly inconvenienced. And when layoffs hit, I have seen single and/or childless people get axed ahead of parents because presumably the loss of income might affect the kids.
@BearCat
I said the same below – I got all the crap dumped on me because ” well, she has kids…she can’t…” Meaning, you have no life, so get back to work. Ugh.
My husband and I couldn’t conceive due to fertility issues. It blows my mind what people thought was okay to to say to us. It is often one of the first questions someone you are meeting for the first time ask you behind “what do you do?” , “So how many kids do you have?” and when I would say none. We would get, “what you don’t like kids?”
who doesn’t like kids?” , “what is wrong with you?”
One time I had a woman ask me about what school my kids went to and I replied that I don’t have any children. She squenched up her face and then turned her back on me and started talking to someone else. I heard her telling the person she was talking to “Wow, she hates kids!” when all I said what we didn’t have any. And no I didn’t go around telling people my fertility issues – none of their business.
It’s interesting this post came up today. There was a story on GMA this morning about an interview with Kim Catrell about motherhood, and I hopped on here to see if CB covered it. I wanted to read the comments and see what people had to say. While I may not agree with everything Kim says, she makes a very salient point that women who are childless are still viewed as being “less.” I get it. How many times have we read an interview with some celebrity after giving birth who proclaims that having a child is the only way to be completely fulfilled as a woman??
As you know, I didn’t chose not to have children, so I can’t really speak to that experience, but judging from my own experiences with being childless, I can believe that women who choose not to have them are treated, maybe not as an outcast, but certainly as less or odd or somehow unnatural and unwomanly. Most people are just surprised and embarrassed to have asked me how many children I have when I say “none” and they drop it really quickly and look away and change the subject, like I just revealed that I had crabs or something. I think they see it as a failure on my part, but since I wanted children, I have an “excuse.” I totally believe they would be ready to blame a woman who waited until she was 40 for her own infertility or tell a woman who knew she didn’t want children that she would “change her mind.” It’s not like everyone turns their back on you and shuns you, but enough comments can make you feel apart from the “normal” people. It can be lonely and infuriating and exhausting.
At my work, some of the managers show blatant favoritism towards women who are mothers – “Oh, so-and-so NEEDS this holiday off, she has kids” or even worse “Well, she has kids, so she knows what “busy” or the worst “I think if she had kids, she’d understand better how to deal with the pediatric patients” – it’s insulting, though I’m sure they don’t mean to be rude.
Oh, right, “she knows what BUSY means…” I’ve had that one before. I agree most people don’t mean to be unkind or rude, it’s just ingrained in our society and they take it for granted as truth. Still stings sometimes.
You all must be nicer people than I am because I do take offense not to the invasive questioning but the insinuations. I don’t act on it or let it eat me up, but I definitely think women know what hurts and they do it on purpose. It makes me seriously question the state of their marriage and their overall happiness because I see it as a blatant attempt to bring other women down even it’s only in their own eyes. Only insecure women would do that. I commend both of you for your view of humanity that allows you to give these types of women the benefit of a doubt that they don’t mean to be rude or hurtful. I think they beleive they’re slick or subtle and just don’t realize how actually obvious they are.
If you’re single, I think people assume you’re waiting to get married to have children.
But I can imagine married people who choose not to have kids probably have people questioning them a lot.
I agree with Esmom. I have friends who have chosen not to have children and no one treats them like outcasts. Why would we? It’s a big, life-changing decision.
I’m in my mid-30ies, I don’t have kids, I never wanted any (my partners either) and I swear no one has ever made any negative comments about this.
Both my sisters have kids and they openly say that life would be easier without them. I have a female colleague at work who struggles with family, kids, work and she recently said to me that if she could go back she would not have kids again.
Maybe it’s because I’m really open (and confident) about not wanting kids that others react this way, feel comfortable to talk about their own doubts, challenges etc.
PS: I really admire women who work full-time and have kids (and a partner). I couldn’t and wouldn’t want to do it.
SHADY everything that has gone done on the Wade Divorcing his H.S Sweetheart/her vilification in court and Then Gabrielle always having comments…. smh… actually not even cause Shade implies a bit of decorum so as to shade, This one is Full On!! Like my gf said in FB this week posting that mushy corny stunningly beautiful rewriting of history that was her wedding video ( surprised ya’ll didnt cover it, it was pretty stunning and grandiose and dress and wedding Pr0nish and whatnot) #sideChicks be winning!
But yeah she relishes that WAG life and that is who she wanted to her own detriment cause now we paint groupies getting pregnant with a “Break Baby” brush?? and then the word on the street is that the thing with Wade started as she was still married to her previous but on the decline husband?
QQ you kill me!
I honestly wish the media would praise her message rather than look at it as an oddity – George Clooney has no children of his own, and with a stellar career he doesn’t come off as a weirdo for making that choice. That same thinking should be extended to Gabrielle and others like her.
Clooney’s acknowledged that a lot of his career success has come from not being tied down with a family. Just pointing that out.
He’s a man. Men are allowed to be complete human beings on their own. Women are supposed to require things outside of themselves, a husband, children, to be truly happy. Men can simply be men. Women are still expected to be wives and mothers, or at least crave those roles.
Clooney doesn’t want kids, though, and she does. Much of the judgment she feels is her own self doubt.
Either way, a childless man is treated differently than a childless woman, regardless of their reasons.
Well. I will say, you do have to take a leap of faith. You don’t really know the impact that becoming a parent will have on your career. It’s a very emotional experience and I imagine as an actor, that could prove fertile ground. It’s not like she’s a corporate banker, right? You have to take a leap and go for it. You do get penalized but maybe not as badly as she thinks. And if we women who want to have kids don’t–how does that help change the workplace? Just go after the things you want–ALL the things you want from life–and you can’t dwell too much on the compromises or consequences. Feel like I’ve spent my 30s figuring that one out.
ETA: sounds like being a ‘career woman’ wasn’t the only factor in her decision not to have kids. Own your choices, I say.
Women discriminated against in the workplace? In other news, the sky is blue.
ETA: nevermind me, I’m not awake yet.
Actually I think she was talking about some of the young guys on his team, not Dwayne.
“The penance for being a career woman is barrenness. You feel like you’re wearing a scarlet letter.”
Whine whine whine. Really? I know a lot of career women who don’t have kids and they don’t feel that way at all.
Sounds like she knows a lot of women who do. OMG! It’s a tie!
Really? Most of the successful actresses in Hollywood have kids.
That doesn’t invalidate her feelings or make her a whiner. What she’s saying is true. People treat you differently if you don’t have children. I think it’s great that your friends are in a place where they just don’t care, but not everyone has the same experience or reaction to the experience. I do think she’s using very strong words, but I also believe that people say the most unbelievable things to you when it comes to private matters, because I have had that happen – “Who’s fault is it that you don’t have children? Yours or your husband’s? Why don’t you like children? I know somebody who…couldn’t have children for 30 years, then went on vacation and bam! Pregnant! Or adopted a baby and bam! Pregnant! Or was 110 years old and bam! Pregnant! ” lol, it gets old, trust me.
SO SO OLD. And no, I DON’T want to share my medical history with the free world!
But it’s real, trust me. No one asks “if” a young woman will have kids, they already jump to “when”. The thought that we are complete only with kids and a man still stands strong.
I have gotten to the point where I have started to pretend that my niece is my daughter at work because it’s easier that way. At every other place I’ve been employed, if you were childfree and other people knew it, you automatically got every single weekend, evening, and holiday by default. If you dared to ask off, you got a bunch of emails and phone calls from angry parents that had to cover your shift demanding that you switch back because “I have kids”. I understand that with kids things happen (like doctor’s appointments) and I have no problem covering you for stuff like that–but when I need to take my dog to the vet, that kindness needs to be reciprocated. If holidays have to be worked, have them distributed evenly so that one person doesn’t get stuck with all the crappy shifts.
I also don’t go to my family or my inlaws get togethers anymore because of the constant speculation over my uterus. I also got fed up with being treated like the sole villain for a choice that my husband and I made together. My MIL took the time last Christmas to tell me about every single girl my husband dated before me, how they were so much prettier and nicer and would make wonderful moms and how much she wishes that he had married one of them instead. The fact that he doesn’t want kids and never would have married a woman who did anyway seems to be lost on her.
Wow, what a bitch.
I’ve only experienced shadows of that but it still sucks. Like, why can’t I just live my life and make my own decisions? Why do I somehow owe offspring to you? My parents are fortunately very tactful, but I’ve overheard some pretty disturbing stuff from others. One (rather drunk) lady who said she was going to demand 10 year plans from her (barely adult) children on how they were going to marry and produce grandchildren for her. How they owed her lots of babies. I was so disgusted but sadly her attitude isn’t rare.
Crikey! What a mother-in-law. Meddlesome, intrusive, judgmental, officious, cruel, and acting as though she in pain for her son though is perfectly fine, so she’s also out of touch. Very sorry for you.
Your mother-in-law is a bitch, but I guess you know that. I’m sorry.
After my divorce, I was 35, childless and single and I got every out of town assignment, weekend and holiday assignment because of the “I have kids” thing. I was a paralegal and they suddenly switched my main case with a married woman, and I wondered why until they told me I was going to some dump in another town for 6 months (which stretched into 10) to review documents. It was really hard to be out of town all week every week – my plants died, my house was filthy, etc. because I had no backup. I finally told them they were discriminating against me and they weren’t happy but they started to be more fair and let me come home, shipping the documents to me. They never even asked any of the other paralegals to do what they made me do because they were married. It still ticks me off.
That is repulsive. I have kids and would never, ever expect special treatment at work….you choose to have kids then you make arrangements…you don’t place unfair burdens on your coworkers. Employees private lives have no place in the workplace.
It seems easier to be without kids somewhere like NYC. I married/had kids quite late, but living in Manhattan no one had ever mentioned it. A friend in San Diego felt much differently, even in her 20s.
It’s true about the hit to your career, unfortunately, even if you lean in.
I think it’s harder for women who waited but actually want children. I don’t feel any scorn for my choice to not have children.
No one would dare to scorn you, bettyrose. I have a feeling you would just give them the death stare until they blushed and walked away. Lol. I mean that as a total compliment by the way.
Ha! Thanks. I take it as a compliment! 🙂
I freaking love her on Being Mary Jane!! I recently binged it on netflix and I highly recommend it! My sister was hesitant to watch because she thought it was a ‘black show’ and they do talk alot about race but in the show they even make jokes about how her news/talk show can’t be too black, even black people get sick of black people. It’s funny and smart and insightful and why she hasn’t been nominated for an Emmy is beyond me.
Forgot to say, she looks beautiful, and her lively eyes just set the tone. Tired of obnoxious/open mouthed poses.
I agree – she is a great beauty. And I like the fact that she has a strong African nose, not a pseudo-European little skinny version. No shade to people who are born with that kind of nose, but lotsa shade to people who are operated on to get one! (cough, Halle Berry, cough!)
I hope motherhood happens for her.
Me, too.
Uuugh…What on earth is an “African nose”? Are you even African? Thin noses aren’t unique to Europeans, I’m so tired of that ignorant assumption.
I can name atleast 10 indegenous African ethnic groups that stereotypically have thin noses.
Thank you.
Well, I can easily imagine the rude comments and attitudes that women who don’t have any children have to endure, because I have one child (by choice), and that is bad enough!
People usually assume that I had fertility problems and couldn’t have a second child, as I was 36 when my daughter was born, since I put my career first when I was a younger woman (oh the shame!). But when I tell them, “Nope, we’re just very happy with our family as it is!”, it’s not unusual for me to hear all about how selfish I am for not “giving” my child a sibling. Interestingly, this is usually followed by warnings of how “only” children are always “spoiled”. Which begs the question: Wouldn’t “giving” my only child an actual human being to play with just because she wants a brother or sister be the ultimate act in spoiling?
Regardless, some people are just rude when it comes to other’s decisions in family planning. Personally, I prefer to stay out of it and respect the choices others make, as only they are the experts on their own lives!
People just say the dumbest things. It’s really outrageous how they feel free to advise you on such a personal choice. And you know what? I have three siblings, and I love all three, but I only LIKE one of them – the other two are pains in the rear. So you might “give” your child a sibling that he or she doesn’t even like in the end. I think your child is lucky to have a thoughtful mother who doesn’t just follow the crowd and thinks for herself.
Aw, thanks GNAT!
I’ve heard the same thing because I only have my one son. Perhaps I wouldn’t have had more children if I’d gotten pregnant earlier, but it didn’t happen so it is what it is. All I can say is my little family is happy and we get to do alot, have alot, have freedom and tons of quality time just the three of us. He’s almost 12 now and I have to say, I’m so glad it all worked out the way it did, because now when he’s not with us, at a friends house, camping with Grandpa, Up North with my brother, my husband and I are on cloud nine with our new-found 2nd honeymoon phase. All of a sudden we have date nights on the regular and impromptu dinners and road trips when our son stays with a friend. It’s amazing and nobody told us about this. I’m all for big families and lots of support but I can honestly say I do not regret one thing about our family and what we’re all about.
Gabby is shady for sure. She’s always been. Gorgeous though.
I can definitely relate to Her and other posters in this instance. People act as if my husband and I are crazy and less than because we don’t have children. It can be upsetting at times or make you wonder “Is there something wrong with me? Would I feel more complete if I had kids?” I say let people make their own decisions, they need to do what’s best for THEM. Raising children is beautiful but also a huge responsibility and it’s not for everybody.
I have the opposite- my friends and I are all in our early 30’s and have all worked really hard on our careers. Since my daughter arrived, I’ve definitely felt pushed out a bit as I can’t chat about recent mini breaks, crazy nights out, amazing shoe purchases etc. I suppose everyone will get judged a bit by someone for choices they make which are different to their own though… I say stop worrying, enjoy what you have and tell everyone else to go take a long walk off the proverbial
I work with a multitude of female attorneys and judges and they ALL have kids. Their careers didn’t take a hit when they became pregnant, but did take the back burner. They all either took a few years off work, substantially decreased the hours they put into work, or their husbands/SOs were the primary care givers. All their kids are happy and healthy.
Also, I can name numerous movie starts who had children and continued to have successful careers in Hollywood – Michelle Pfieffer, Melanie Griffith, Uma Thurman, etc. Some from older generations, some from newer generations. It can be done and is done. And it’s not just doable for white actresses. Taraji Hensen, Jada Pinkett Smith come to mind.
My take is Gabrielle doesn’t want to admit she made the choice because she didn’t really want children that bad and that’s okay. Some people don’t. I wouldn’t blame it on Hollywood or corporate white America though. I would blame it on her insecurities that if she get’s pregnant her baller husband will stray. She’s probably right.
Unrelated to her comments but I always wished Gabrielle was a bigger star. I think she’s just competent as an actress but she’s so, so pretty. I just love watching her face. Her smile is particularly flawless.
“Barrenness”? People still describe being child-free this way? Wow.
Totally agree with all the comments….and I’m just gonna whine here. I came back from visiting my 70 year old Southern grandma….and omfg. Every other sentence she said to or about me was that I’m an old maid. Like FFS Grandma! I’m only 20! Because I don’t have a boyfriend and don’t want to go out to clubs…..or wear makeup….or get my hair done…….
It’s a very interesting issue. I don’t have children, but many of my close friends have young kids. Unfortunately, 9 times out of 10, a woman’s career is sidelined for her family obligations (at least temporarily while the children are young). I’ve seen stay-at-home moms leave the work force for 6 + years at a time, first for one child, then another. Do I think it causes permanent career damage? I think it depends on the profession. I work in technology and there would be a lot of new information to absorb after such a hiatus. I’ve seen lots of women bounce back from it. But fact remains, it’s not an issue that men are confronted with, and that is a major inequality especially in the U.S. where maternity leave is a joke. However, life comes down to choices. Our society expects everything. But can you really be a career person/workaholic and be a good parent, man or woman? Not just parent, but spouse, friend etc.? Must be a fine balancing act. I’ve given up opportunities for advancement in my own profession just so I could have a more balanced, happy life. So it’s not always just about kids. There are more than two paths in this world.
I’m pregnant right now, and one of the biggest fears I had while considering when to have a child was my line of work: as an archeologist, you’re on the field at least 3 months a year. Even when you’re not, you have a lot of academic writing and work to do. You can’t do that with a baby; not in way I’m used to, when you invest 110% of yourself into it. The minute people realized I’m pregnant(I didn’t tell until it seriously showed;,I’m oldfashikned that way:) they started either treating me like I’ll never work again, or expecting of me to work in the same capacity as before. And honestly, it freaks me out, the subtle sexism in both approaches. But we wanted a child from the get go, and while waiting for steady jobs, better economic future in the country, advancment in career, we realized we might as well wait forever. but just because I want to be a mom(and I’m ready to take a year or two off), it doesn’t automatically mean that’s ALL I want to be.
OH honey. You didn’t get that ‘Scarlet Letter’ for not having children. Just sayin.
She is gorgeous. I cannot believe she is 42. She looks 25 or maybe 30 at the most. Good for her.
Never understood why “she is beautiful” is a reason to like someone. It’s a genetic coincidence that makes you more worthy and valuable as a human being? You’re not quite sure why you like her but oh yeah “she’s beautiful”? That’s all that you got. So you don’t like your family members or friends, neighbors, classmates if they are ugly? Such a great kind sould and smart and funny person, but too bad, she is ugly?
TOTALLY agree with everything you said Thalia’sghost, thank you.
Nobody cares if she “sacrificed” having children for the sake of her career; and just because she never had children does not mean that she’s never been pregnant.
Ooooh Suh-nap!
I married “late”. I had my daughter even “later”. We don’t want to have another child, even though we get the “Won’t she be lonely?” and “She needs a sibling” comments quite a bit. Guess what. I don’t regret a thing. I experienced a nice, full life before I got married, and because of that, felt more confident in my choice of a mate. I was able to complete my (lengthy) education and establish my career. I don’t understand the shade thrown at women who wait, who don’t have a large family, or choose to remain child-free. It’s a choice, and usually an educated choice. Live and let live.
ETA: I should clarify that I mean it’s sometimes a choice. I realize that some women do not get such a choice.
I believe she is talking about herself. She put off having kids because she was so focused on achieving success in her craft when she was younger, and now, in hindsight, is regretful because she can’t get pregnant. She is blaming herself. Hateful people just look for any opportunity to try and find the worst in people. SMDH
She’s shady but I agree with her comments
My sister is 36 not married & does not want children & people act like she’s lost her mind.
The judgement tho almost always comes from woman with children. Men normally feel sorry for other men with children not inferior to them