Jennifer Garner ‘feels Ben is the one who gave up, it’s up to him to file’ for divorce

The print edition of US’s Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner “Christmas Reunion” cover has a few details that haven’t been included in the two articles they’ve published online. As I mentioned in our last story on Ben and Jen, I believe that Jen is the one giving US this news, particularly because US’s articles have been slanted in her favor over the past few months. On Thursday we covered Us’s preview of this story. They now have a follow-up posted in which they explain that Jen and Ben aren’t together romantically, just for the kids, and that this is a load off her mind. Apparently she no longer worries about Ben’s drinking, smoking and gambling. (The carousing is implied.) I’ve included some of that in the excerpt below along with some quotes from the magazine which explain why no one has pulled the trigger on the divorce yet:

It’s not romantic anymore
“Ben and Jen are together only for the kids, not romantically… They are almost never together alone without the kids,” one source tells Us of the exes, who announced they were divorcing after 10 years of marriage this past June. “They don’t hang out. It’s a cordial relationship.”

Affleck still lives in a renovated cottage on their estate

Their modern living situation is also solely for their children, another source explains. “The kids are happiest that way, so Ben and Jen are going to continue on this path for now… they don’t have long term plans” for the living situation.

How this affects their kids

“They know mom and dad are splitting up [but]… the kids’ lives have not changed much,” the insider says. “Things still feel pretty normal to them.” Garner “keeps Ben in the loop on their schedules and what’s going on,” another source tells Us. “She always invites him to come along. Ben and Jen have made a big push to let the kids know that they will always be a family.”

Garner no longer cares what Affleck is up to
“Jen just shrugs her shoulders and says, ‘He can do whatever he wants!’” the first source explains of the newly single Wakefield star. “She feels relieved that she no longer has to worry about what he is doing. All she asks is that he is a good father.”

They’re going to file for divorce, but Garner is leaving it up to Affleck
But in the months since the Nannygate bombshell, neither Affleck nor Garner – who did not have a prenup and are worth more than $100 million combined, per a source – has actually filed for divorce. “Jen feels that Ben gave up working on the marriage, so it’s up to him to file,” says the family source, who believes Affleck has a “strategy as to when and where” he will submit paperwork. Counters the Affleck source, “Ben will file for divorce when he is ready.”

Until then, Affleck and Garner will continue to navigate their life as one very modern family. “They plotted for this divorce to be amicable,” says the Garner source, “and they are sticking with that plan.”

[From US Magazine, print edition and online]

This sounds like a very passive aggressive battle. Pretend like everything is fine and just wait for the other person to make a move. It’s kind of amazing to me how much Garner is tipping her hand to the press while trying to maintain this image. She does seem to be following this plan behind the scenes, and that’s good for her family to an extent. What’s not good for her kids is this continuous barrage of news of how everyone is doing and what their family holidays are like as mom and dad strive to put on a happy face. I shouldn’t pin it all on Garner, we know that Affleck is extremely controlling of his image too. It will be interesting to see if it’s true that Affleck is planning to file for divorce at a specific time, and if it will coincide with promotion for Batman v. Superman. I get the impression that he’s just waiting it out too though.

Jennifer Garner Stops For Breakfast With Her Son

Exclusive... Jennifer Garner Out And About In Brentwood

Ben Affleck going into the ABC studios for Jimmy Kimmel Live

Jennifer Garner is shown on 12-11, 12-16 and 12-17. Ben Affleck is shown on 12-2 and 12-9. Credit: and FameFlynet

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80 Responses to “Jennifer Garner ‘feels Ben is the one who gave up, it’s up to him to file’ for divorce”

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  1. InvaderTak says:

    What craaaaap. If she wants out then she could get out. She has lawyers, let them handle the details. Who CARES who files first? Isn’t it better to file first anyway? I find it hard to believe she’s petty enough to pull that divorce filing crap, but it mature when it comes to their kids. God they’re exhausting.

    • Gigi says:

      I kinda get it though. If you’ve dated a coward who tries to gas light you into doing the “dirty work”, you probably sort of get it too. Its essential to him that he be able to tell himself, his kids and most importantly, interviewers, how he hard he fought to rectify his wrongs and that in the end, the unforgiving harpy wouldnt let him back in. I mean lets remember he pushed Gwyneth and Jlos hand too. He wanted out, so he went on public douche bag mode to humiliate them into pulling the trigger. Jen is living her life like they are amicably divorced and since he is the one who has wanted out for years, shes forcing him to do the deed himself. He finally takes responsibility for ending a relationship. This is a hurray moment for big boy Ben.

      • mp says:

        oh man, this is such a good analysis.

      • Hejhej says:


      • GoodNamesAllTaken says:

        I kind of get it, too. He doesn’t want to be the “bad” one. My ex did everything to push me away, but was too cowardly to just ask for a divorce. Then when I filed he just batted his eyes at people and was all she LEFT me! Lol

      • Alex says:

        Gigi you are spot on. I was coming to say the same thing. It’s how cowards operate so they don’t get their hands dirty.

      • tracking says:

        Yes, this. Also, he won’t do it until he’s through the big movie promotion.

      • GreenieWeenie says:

        “Ben will file for divorce when he is ready.” Yeah, that gave me pause (and I think supports your take). When he’s ready? You mean he wasn’t ready to divorce when he was sleeping with the nanny? He never considered that the inevitable outcome? So now he needs to sit around getting “ready” to divorce?

        I can’t believe they didn’t have a prenup. I mean, it was basically a shotgun wedding.

      • Cindy says:

        You said it exactly.

      • als says:

        But what is the reward of getting into a power play with a coward that’s trying to make you look like the bad guy?
        If you do manage to play him (which is unlikely) you will have engaged yourself in a looong game of tacit harassment that will eventually end and will leave you just as heartbroken as before.
        Plus. your smart friends will understand what’s really happening.
        Anyway, we need to pick our battles and this one looks pointless.

      • swack says:

        I get it. My ex filed first and he STILL bashed me to all his friends. I basically didn’t care what he said. I chose the higher road and said nothing about him. So her filing first does not necessarily make her the bad person. If she really wants to be divorced then she should file. Dragging this on and on is not good for the children, no matter how civil you are being to each other for their sake.

      • Who ARE these people? says:

        You made me rethink it. Good work, got it.

      • Tiffany :) says:

        It would be way more interesting if this was based on bitter power plays, but if they have over a $100M worth, they have both been making millions for over a decade now, they both have ongoing contracts with brands, they have been married a long time…this is really about sitting back and letting forensic accountants due their jobs and parse all of the fine details. That takes times. When all of the financial matters are understood and both parties are mostly agreed about where 75% of things will fall, THAT is when they will file.

        The delay is about paperwork.

      • Diane says:

        I totally get it. When my ex cheated and wanted out, my therapist gave me the best advice ever. She said, make him file because he will forever throw it back up in your face that YOU filed…getting him off the hook. I get it. Team Jennifer. Make Ben file.

      • Wren says:

        But doesn’t that just hurt you in the end anyway? Locked in some stupid passive aggressive stand-off that only drags everything out? I had an ex who did that to me too, pushed me hard so I’d be the one to break up with him so it wouldn’t make him the bad guy. It sucked and I only regret NOT just dumping him when the whole downward spiral started.

        Either way, you’re not going to win so why not just get it over with? Yup, I’m the evil bitch who left you. Deal with it.

      • Sara says:

        So agree! If you are the immature ass, then YOU get your lawyers and money together and do the work yourself buddy. I got kids to raise you dickhead.

    • Dena says:

      Actually, there are significant financial advantages (at least in my state) to let the other person file. If you file first a lot of the work falls on you, and on your lawyer. Because I filed first we had to prepare the first proposed settlement – a lot of hours and money – and then all his lawyer had to do was reply ‘nope.’ We had to write up the child custody agreement and submit, we had to initiate everything. So in the long run I’ll pay a lot more in legal fees.

      Passive aggressive or not, it’s smart to make the other person file first, particularly if you don’t really care about it being final.

    • lunchcoma says:

      Being the one who files is actually a fair bit of work. That’s one of the reasons you hear the statistic that women almost always file. It’s not so much that women are always the ones who want the marriage to end as that men sometimes leave, find another partner, or otherwise end a relationship but leave the paperwork to the woman.

      In any case, it doesn’t sound like Jen actually wants out that badly. Whatever they’re doing seems to work fine for her at the moment. That may change if she finds someone else she wants to date before Ben gets around to filing, but I can see her being okay with a separation for the time being.

  2. suze says:

    Maybe they are on a secret reality show called, “How Long Can You Drag Out Your Divorce?”

    This feels like it has been going on for years. In a way it has.

    • funcakes says:


    • Tiffany :) says:

      I worked on a divorce that took over 2 1/2 years because of the amount of assets. That is the way it is in these types of situations.

      • Wren says:

        A friend of mine’s parents took almost 2 years to divorce. Not because they had a large number of assets, but because they had to argue over every. single. one. of. them. The petty bickering was pretty astounding. They argued over who got to keep an old broken down RV trailer that had weeds growing through the floor.

      • Tiffany :) says:

        Lol, there’s that too, Wren! Plus, sometimes the lawyers involved make bigger issues out of things that otherwise wouldn’t be. Easy compromises lead to much smaller legal bills!

      • paleokifaru says:

        I think too even if you are, or saying you are, agreeing to joint custody there are SO many details to work out with that. Sure it might start with something boiler plate but there’s still going to be haggling over future holiday and birthday splits/shares, etc. And these are not people with typical work schedules so that must make it more interesting. I would think (might not be the case) that even if they’re saying they will play the stable family for holidays, etc that at least their lawyers would advise an actual written agreement on this stuff. And that would take time.

      • suze says:

        Yeah, but Affleck and Garner haven’t even filed yet – if it continues on like this can you imagine how long the rest of it will take?

  3. Who ARE these people? says:

    Fish or cut bait. Their marriage has not really changed…mom’s in charge and dad drops in. Maybe that’s what they both wanted all along.

    • Esmom says:

      That’s kinda what I was thinking. I know more than a couple people in this situation, some have stayed, others have left.

  4. Eleonor says:

    This divorce is longer than Kim K. pregnancy, one of the two should file and stop.
    PLUS: they (yes both of them) should stop parading their children for pr purpose.

  5. Nev says:

    I agree. He needs to file.

    • Sabrine says:

      He’ll file when he is in another serious relationship. He should just do it now though. It was a terrible match from the beginning. Neither one of them wanted to give up their career to stay home with the kids was probably just one of the problems they had.

      • FF says:

        Is he capable of a ‘serious’ relationship? Or is this just a case him of grooming someone to stand by him appropriately when he wants a political career and/or to get over the next PR crisis?

  6. snusnuf says:

    She must have “thank you for your participation” level of self-esteem to put up with him like this.

  7. Christin says:

    Sounds like he sort of has his cake and can eat it, too.

    These two have shared way too many updates about the long breakup of their marriage and family.

  8. daphne says:

    maybe she wants the extra few millions from the batman movie backends?

    • Size Does Matter says:


    • MAC says:

      Correct! I am really interested to see how batman does. A lot of people are not going 🙂

    • Tiffany :) says:

      But if that was a part of the contract he signed before the separation, I believe it would still be community property, even if he technically gets paid later.

    • Ally says:

      I think he’s waiting till he’s done with promo duties for that. That way he can still project a non-distracting “responsible parent” image during the press tour.

    • Holmes says:

      Then she’ll be waiting a long time, because those movies aren’t going to make any money. They look deplorable.

  9. serena says:

    Pffff OF COURSE he has a ‘strategy as to when and where” he will submit paperwork. Counters the Affleck source, “… I think this will be after the Batffleck movie, since it’s not good for his image.
    Also well, I don’t care if she’s passive-aggressive, but at least she’s not wanting to go back to him like the first reports said! Thank god!

  10. kri says:

    @Gigi had it down. I would only add that I think that awful film has something to do with it. He won’t file til it’s out. I am sure he has smarmily told her she can file first if that’s what she wants. Or..too much ‘tox has frozen his brain.

    • cannibell says:

      Also, if they’re married when the movie comes out and it does well, that’s counted into his income and raises the amount of support/settlement scratch.

  11. funcakes says:

    Enough is enough! Divorce his a##and go live your life. Stop with the happy family pap strolls,let him set up family time with the kids with the nanny and if he’s not there by a certain time without notification take them on an activity. It’s time to let the kids find out for themselves if he cares enough or not to see them.
    The best thing she can do right now is to show her children that life goes on and not live your life in limbo.

    • Cee says:

      ITA. My parents have been living in limbo for 15 years and I hate it. I’m an adult now and their experience of marriage has damaged me.

  12. Cee says:

    Yeah, my parents did the same thing. They’re still legally married, share a house and we go on holidays together. All it did was give me a negative image of marriage and love. Sometimes divorce IS better, especially when it means parents will be happy. The truth is always better than a lie.

    • Esmom says:

      I know what you mean, there were times when I really wished my parents would split up because they seemed so miserable most of the time. I think they stayed for a number of reasons — fear that it would damage me and my siblings, fear of change and literally being too lazy to deal with all the details of a divorce. My observation is that when you’re really stuck, it can be really hard to make any moves toward helping yourselves get unstuck.

    • funcakes says:

      Agree. I really feel for the children in these instances. It’s horrible to live in a suffocating environment. When you have a situation where the family is under a financial strain and are unable to consider divorce immediately it’s five times as hard.

    • Wren says:

      I’ve heard from multiple friends with divorced parents that the divorce itself was actually more of a relief than anything else. Once they got over the shock of it and the fear of change, the fact that mom and dad weren’t miserable together was a distinct improvement. Kids know what’s up. Nobody likes change, but once it happens you adapt.

  13. lisa says:

    Sorry, I’m still stuck on the “US Magazine Reunion Cover” — where are the pics from said “reunion”? All I see are stale photos. Oh, I think I get it. US Magazine has respectfully decided to let the family enjoy their holiday in peace. Or, maybe their pap crew got lost en route to Montana? Do they have cameras and cellphones in Montana?

    • candice says:

      US magazine is a bad joke. Usually people on this site are pretty cynical and have sharp bs-spotting skills, so I’m surprised they are taking this undocumented, unsubstantiated “news” as gospel.

  14. Luca76 says:

    They both sound like ass-hats. This is the time where they can actually put the kids first for non PR purposes. Garner is such a fake and passive aggressive person.

    • Christin says:

      If nothing else, I would be tired of these headlines that show up in grocery check-outs and online for years.

      I guess as long as they’ve let this go on, the kids may think it’s normal.

  15. JoJo says:

    Eh. If he begged and groveled enough, I think she’d take him back again. I just don’t think he’s begging and groveling. I don’t think he actually wants Jen back – just the security and stability of family life.

    This living arrangement may be ok for now, but it won’t be when one of them starts seriously dating. I still think it’s a way for Jen to keep Ben somewhat under her thumb in a passive aggressive way under the guise of “for the children.” And he goes along because I think that’s their dynamic. As codependent and dysfunctional as it is. I do think he loves his kids though, and I think he sees them.

  16. Nancy says:

    So sad. You fall in love, get married, have kids and then he bangs the nanny and she is out in the cold. Men are so needy. I feel bad for the kids as usual, for they are the ones who will suffer and be statistics of another broken marriage.

  17. Frank says:

    Am I the only one who felt like he was never really in love withher but wanted someone who people approved off after the Jlo situation. Ben has always struck as bit of flake and follower. He wanted to bad to look stable and follow Matt footsteps that he married someone who seemed ideal at the time.

    • JoJo says:

      No, you’re not the only one. I’ve always had that impression. They always struck me as oil and water, from the beginning. When I heard they got married, I remember thinking it seemed like the strangest pairing. They got married fast and she was already pregnant. That said, I’m not one of those who believes he married her just because she was pregnant. I think he probably loved her – he also “loved” JLo (let’s not forget he took out ads in the trades praising her and proposed to her.) But I think more so, he was running away from the JLo media debacle and seeking an entirely different image and life. I’m not saying he did this consciously / I think he just sort of chose the anti-JLo at that time, but I never thought they were a good long- term match. I know everyone is so focused on nanny gate, but these two always seemed like they were on the 10-year plan to divorce to me – nanny was just the last and worst straw. I think they’re just entirely different people and probably should have both got out way earlier.

      • FingerBinger says:

        They never struck me as oil and water. Attractive ,similar backgrounds, both actors. On paper their relationship made sense.

      • Original T.C. says:

        Yes on his end he was seeking a woman opposite from J-lo. Because in his stupid brain J-lo is responsible for his problems not himself. It’s Gardner’s side of things I will never understand. Who in their right mind thinks that a twat who cheated on his fiancée by having unprotected sex with a stripper is a good caught? Or someone for you to also have unprotected sex with and want as the father of your children?

        Yes I had crushes in the past as a teenager but no matter how hot I found a guy, my brain would put up a big stop sign for his history of unprotected sex with a stranger until I see some STD results in another 6 months. Sorry but that’s gross IMO. An of course she believed him that J-lo is an evil blood sucking seductress who didn’t understand him. LOL, Karma.

  18. Frosty says:

    Both of them have yooooogggge egos. Just get divorced already.

    • Frank says:

      To me Jennifer garner seemed like she wanted to marry someone with high profile because she is no innocent one here. She was married when her show took off and the started having an affair with her co star . Then left him for Ben.

      • Frosty says:

        Yep. Despite their pretensions they are plain old humans like the rest of us. Ish happens. Their marriage failed but they’re trying to do right by their kids. Ok, fine. they are so wrapped up in the images they want to project they don’t realize we don’t really care.

  19. jlee says:

    I bet they proceed with their divorce after the 2015 tax year is closed. These people have serious money & property. I doubt she gives a flying F about him “owning” his decisions. It’s a smart financial move on her part and he has no say. She can ruin him with one teary interview and he knows it.

  20. Diane says:

    I get her thinking. I don’t see it as passive-aggressive, though. I think she’s finally making him man-up and take responsibility for his own behavior. He’s clearly been enabled for much of his life. Until that changes, neither will his destructive habits. He has 3 kids to parent and needs to be healthy for that. I don’t think she would go back with him – too much stuff.
    I once met a lady at gam-anon who had a couple of kids and they had been without electricity for a few weeks (using an extension cord from a neighbor for small essentials). The husband had lost their money and they couldn’t pay the light bill. She said she knew that if she fixed it, then it would just keep happening and that the only chance for change was if she let the consequences ride until he fixed them. She was looking at it from a long-term perspective.
    The Afflecks have 3 kids – whether he should have had them or not – they are there. He needs to finally learn about consequences to his choices and being responsible for those himself. That will make him a better parent long-term for them.
    I would guess that Jennifer is receiving counseling on dealing with these issues.
    I get it.

  21. kimbers says:

    Pathetic woman. Wish she’d go away. She’s no better than he. So damn passive aggressive I would have cheated too on such a passive aggressive person. Something to make them stand up

  22. lunchcoma says:

    I’ll change my opinion if this goes on for a couple of years, but I don’t find this so horribly objectionable now. It’s not as if they’re pretending to be married. Sometimes there are good financial reasons or life circumstances that make it wiser to be separated for a time prior to a divorce. Jen doesn’t seem to have found another relationship or to be looking to date just yet, so I can understand she might not be in a hurry and might prefer to wait for the end of a tax year, her finding an acting job, Ben dealing with the Batfleck promotional tour, or whatever else.

  23. Green Is Good says:

    Did Batfleck get a browlift? He looks different.

  24. knower says:

    “What’s not good for her kids is this continuous barrage of news of how everyone is doing and what their family holidays are like as mom and dad strive to put on a happy face.”


    I’ve always had an eyebrow raised to Jennifer Garner. She puts off the ‘family-friendly, my kids come before all else’ mommy martyr vibe hard but part of me really calls BS on the whole thing. Maybe she loves her children and they’re #1….but there’s a warped nature to it….it’s disturbing. All I can say is that if she keeps this charade up…..she really, really, really is gonna regret it down the line when her kids are a bit older and can find out what happened when they were young. Garner’s used to controlling things now – they are children, after all. I don’t think she realizes in the internet age that she can never ever ever shelter her kids from knowing things that are outside of her control. That will probably drive her insane – she seems a bit control freakish.

    • pk says:

      I agree they need to stop with the updates. It’s not doing either of them any favors and is making them both look bad. They need to keep all of this to themselves and do what’s best for their kids privately without releasing the details to US and People magazine.
      I’ve always given them the benefit of the doubt regarding the staged pap walks and such, but I’m starting to believe otherwise.

      • Luci Amy Tigoy says:

        I don’t think these updates are really coming from them and even those “quotes’ supposedly said by Jennifer are true. I believe these two are already fed up with all that’s been written about them. If only they could have their way to stop all these speculations, made- stories,they would. But it seemed every week , new sensationalized issues are coming out. And all of these are coming from so -called ‘”sources, “insiders”, “pals”. We really don’t know what’s happening closed doors .

  25. Fluff says:

    Jennifer Garner redefines thirsty.

  26. siri says:

    Garner doesn’t seem to realize she’s doing the kids no favours in the long run. And I don’t even think it’s really about the kids anymore, if it ever was at all. Seems to be more about her (controlling) ego versus his drag along attitude. Both don’t know what they want, or how to proceed, I guess. The nanny is history, but it won’t be long before Ben has found some other willing lady who hopes to make some money out of it…it’s sad. It could go on like this forever, always with the argument of the kids needing both parents, but I think it’s them suffering the most under these unclear circumstances.

    • JoJo says:

      I agree. My parents divorced, and we grew up just fine because we still saw both of our parents. I suppose their living arrangement is ok for now, if it works for them, but it seems very shortsighted because the kids will have no choice but to deal with the separation/divorce when one of them starts seriously dating someone else. And what then? Are they going to spend every holiday together and take vacations together then? I doubt it. It’s not realistic. Seems like they’re just putting off the inevitable.

      • paleokifaru says:

        It does seem very short sighted. One or both of them is going to have a serious enough relationship at some point that this grey area of separation but togetherness is no longer desirable. So then what? You’re making moving on significantly rougher because you and/or the kids and/or the ex are going to view this new person and the relationship as the instigator of change. Put on your grown up panties and make the changes independently and really own them for yourself and your kids.

  27. loca says:

    Jennifer is acting like a little 2 year old. I have a feeling because of this whole nanny incident she has told Ben she will play nice as long as the divorce goes her way. Ben is miserable with her has she never heard of the expression if you love someone you got to let him go. She is way over playing the “it’s for the kids line” something most ex wives say that aren’t ready to let go it’s a way to at least keep them someway around. I know Ben isn’t a saint but I couldn’t watch a man night and day be miserable with me I would let him go and just file for divorce. Jennifer’s antics are really annoying Ben will be the first to move on and she knows it. She had said she didn’t want him to date any of the kids mom’s at their school and has dragged her feet from multiple sources I believe it. If she really wanted to be strong and independent she would move on the kids will be fine if Ben is not living them. They need to have their own scheduled days with the kids. Jennifer’s holier than thou image is B.S.

  28. rhaine says:

    How can you be sure that Jennifer is the one feeding these information. It says “sources”. It could just be the perception of the writers. Of course they need a write-up to sensationalize a story for the mag to sell. And all those words supposedly said by her, I doubt if she would ever talk to somebody and tell that person to relay it to a magazine.