Funny lady Anna Faris recently talked marriage and family with US Magazine, sharing tips on how to make a relationship successful. Judging by the fact that she and Chris Pratt have been happily married since 2009, I’m open to seeing what she has to say. I’ve been through two unsuccessful marriages, so any tips are welcome on my end.
When the family, including their adorable 3-year-old son Jack, gets together, Anna insists they’re just like us, telling the magazine, “We love to just do normal things, go to the aquarium. Go to the zoo. But mostly we just really cherish our time at home because lately it’s been tricky.” She added, “We spend a lot of time at home building fires and just cooking and just being together. Just enjoying the simple times too.”
Trying to keep things simple is a challenge for the couple, especially when it comes to Jack. Anna recently told HuffPost Live, “We want Jack to have as normal of a childhood [as possible].” The couple is concerned about their son having to deal with paparazzi and the notoriety that comes with being a celebrity kid. She said, “There’s going to be a day, sooner rather than later, where he’s going to understand that [the attention is] bizarre and he’ll probably have a lot of really complicated emotions about it. And, so, we’re just going to try to give him a ton of love. We’re really close with our families, so they’re around all the time. So I don’t know. We don’t know what we’re doing.”
One thing Anna knows is marriage, and here are her tips to make love last:
1. “Don’t tease, even if it seems harmless, because that can be a downward…that can be a rapidly increasing spiral, and then you’re actually teasing people and it really gets to a bad pattern.”
2. “Be kind and treat one another like you would to a friend. Truly be kind and supportive.”
3. “I think if you’re engaged and you have doubts, break off the engagement instead of getting married, even though it’s embarrassing.”
4. “Definitely go on a honeymoon right after the wedding. Don’t wait. Don’t put it off because it’s like the post-Christmas feeling. You need to have something to look forward to.”
5. “It’s OK to go to bed angry. I think men in particular sometimes just need time and they just need it and they won’t be able to be rational. And women too. I don’t mean to gender stereotype but they won’t be able to think rationally until their anger has dissipated.”
Yes, I know, no earth-shattering insights to be had, but I do like the fact that she says it’s alright to go to bed before resolving a conflict. I’m definitely a person who needs time to process things, and sometimes that takes a night or even two. And #3 hits very much close to home to young Corey, sitting in the limo in front of the church prior to wedding #1 completely knowing I was about to make a huge mistake. From what I can see, it appears that Anna and Chris are using and benefiting from these tips so more power to her.
Photo credit: WENN.com
it drives me crazy, but Ive learned that my husband also needs space and time before being ready to talk and get over a spat we have.
But I never go to bed without saying “goodnight, i love you” even if we’re in the middle of something we haven’t gotten over yet.
It totally drives me crazy too but then the next day I’m appreciative that he put his foot down about tabeling the fight until morning.
When an angry man retreats to his man cave, you don’t follow him to get in a few more shots. Women do that and it’s foolish.
I’d follow him to the man cave because that’s where the video games usually are.
But seriously, I hate going to bed angry because I don’t actually sleep. When I get up in the morning, I’m still pissed AND really tired.
Just came to say I really like her, I am very jealous of her, and she looks great – that dress she is wearing in what looks like a SAG award show is gorgeous ( though the giant statue beside her with the bulge isn’t doing it for me…).
She is spot on about going to bed angry. My husband is definitely someone who needs time when he is angry to process his emotions and express them in a constructive way. I’ll beat a dead horse so it’s been good for us that he says “let’s finish talking about this tomorrow and go to bed”. We wake up rested and refreshed with a better ability to look at the issue clearly.
And agree again on the teasing. My husband comes from a looong line of teasers and while the first couple of jokes are funny, it gets old and hurtful after awhile. He’s really learned to tone it down with me and I’ve learned to not take it so personally.
Ah marriage!
Ooh, I hate going to bed angry. Hate it, hate it, hate it! But I do it anyway. I’ve been guilty of the “just talk to me, we need to get this out” speech way too many times and we just ended up fighting till 2 in the morning, and THEN end up going to bed angry. Some people are great at calming their partners storms. I am not. Lol.
i never understood this. what works for her does not work for other people, there is no secret to love or marriage. no couple thats married for fifty years can help you.
They probably asked her opinion. She’s talking about what works for her marriage not a mandate for everyone.
ITA, there’s no secret, but it’s interesting to hear how other couples work. I don’t understand “no teasing.” No making fun and being cruel, but we flirtatiously tease each other nonstop. Wouldn’t have it any other way.
same with us, I can’t imagine us not having that banter. Its the kind of family we both come from and probably one of the reasons we clicked in the first place
i guess its because some people say “its just teasing”(see also: “its just a prank!”) when they are acutally mean or passive aggressive. teasing if done right can be great,
I got the feeling she wasn’t talking about banter but teasing that starts to be hurtful. It seems to be a common way of passive-agressively expressing anger. For example I have a friend who always “teases” her husband about how inept he is with the kids and how he can’t manage to do anything right. She always says it playfully and tries to put a comic spin on her anecdotes but I can’t help but think she’s trying to humiliate him. He smiles and takes it but who knows how much it actually hurts him.
Flirtatious teasing is one thing. But poking can even get grating. My man has been doing this since we got together five years ago and sometimes if he doesn’t read the situation right or the joke it can sit wrong. Or sometimes if you’re not having a good day a tease too far might actually hurt a little. It never turns into a huge blowout but sometimes I do have to tell him to pump the brakes on the teasing so I get what she means. I’ve done it a couple times to him where I unknowingly hit a sensitive spot, it’s how you learn boundaries though!
yep…its more of what personality traits a person has and how they use them to fight. If he is introvert, thinker they’re going to be more likely to retreat and think. When they apologize its often more sincere. If you married a dominant extraverted person, they’re going to be more likely to not back down & follow you. How you fight is often more important than if you fight or not. Its a learning curve much like everything else in a relationship.
I sometimes go to bed angry and so does my husband. It’s ok as eventually everything works out. When I’m angry the last thing I want is my husband saying I love you or saying anything for that matter I just need to be by myself, to mull over things, think, ponder.
I definitely think the teasing point should be underscored as a general rule as I’ve seen and heard people do that and it’s just not funny or pleasant.
I’ve gone to bed angry-but I do make it a point to always say “I love you-I just really don’t like you right now” Esp if I’m tired and it’s 1 am-sometimes a good sleep is worth it.
And YES to calling off engagements vs. getting divorced later. It might be embarrassing, but you’re dodging a bullet. Yes, it’s expensive, but divorce a year later is so much more so.
I’ve gone to bed angry and it’s been in the spare bedroom. Sometimes what has happened is so hurtful (i.e. infidelity) that I’ve had to move into a spare room just to process what happened. In both cases it led to me leaving the relationship but she’s right, people need time to process their emotions.
Also about the teasing thing, I totally agree. I was a very sensitive kid and had the misfortune to have parents and an older sister who were horrible teasers – they would deliberately tease and humiliate me, especially in front of other people, to the point where I would break down in tears. So no bueno people, please don’t tease your kids or your loved ones. Ever.
These two are starting to irritate me. Yes we know you’re very down to earth. Shut up about it.
Well consider yourself lucky to have made it this far without being annoyed. These two have been annoying the piss out of me since day one.
Imagine the interviews she gives when Pratt gets cast as Indiana Jones.
It’s best to go to bed angry sometimes (not always), because emotions are heightened and the next morning some things just aren’t the big deal you thought they were the night before and let it go and/or you are much calmer and focused to discuss it, or you aren’t getting the response you want the night before and why keep beating a dead horse and it escalating. Sleep and a fresh day can do wonders for either side.
As far as teasing, teasing is fine, but I’ve noticed many people call teasing what I call passive-aggressive jabs or digs all under the guise of teasing with a smile, and I am talking relationships or friends or family.
I tell patients that going to bed angry is fine. When you fight into the wee hours, you wake up the next morning still angry/resentful and tired. Not a good combo. My advice is to both agree to table the discussion until the following day, say “I love you” and “goodnight” and then see what everything looks like in the morning.
Teasing means different things to different people. My husband is a huge teaser and has a sarcasm streak a mile wide. I love him for it but occasionally, particularly during the early days of parenthood when I was frazzled, and we were fighting a lot, it would upset me no end. After therapy he learned to dial it back a bit, I learned to tell him right away if a topic was too sensitive (why poke a bear) and once past the rough spot the teasing bothered me a lot less. It’s as everything a question of balance. In a good relationship you listen to your partner and do what is comfortable for both.
As far as the going to sleep angry, again partners have different styles. I used to want to argue everything right then and there without stopping for breaks or air. He needs time to go, think, calm down and process. Took us a long time to adjust and learn to argue constructively. (The therapy sessions helped that to, because it gave us the tools to say things in a way that was helpful rather than mean and just meant to hurt the other the most. There is no one that can hurt you as deeply as the ones you love most.) Nowadays we don’t get to use these skills, luckily, but there is a healthy way to argue. It probably differed from couple to couple but the communication piece, I think, would apply to most. For me it was all about learning to say “your tone/expressions/sentence made me feel…” – ” was that your intention, because that is how it came across to me”? Most of the time, it wasn’t and it was just user error on both sides. Same for him. So there you go, marriage lessons from a second, happy, solid marriage. (Cue IG pics of us. Not… Ain’t got time for that stuff, we aren’t celebs.)
Don’t go to bed angry. Stay up and plot your revenge.
I’ve never understood the “don’t go to bed angry” rule. I find it’s better to go to bed angry and then talk in the morning after you’ve calmed down rather than let things escalate into a screaming match while your emotions are high.
My ex used to think everything was ok if I dropped the argument because it was becoming too much and then would never want to discuss it later so we could work through the issues. I think that’s where that type of saying comes from. Some people just like to pretend nothing is wrong and hope things magically fix themselves.
Better to go to bed angry and let the the anger dispell over night so you can talk rationally the next day, than to say, keep on fighting and making it worse. I don’t think it’s just men at all. I am the one that needs time to chill and mull it all over. I don’t believe in sleeping apart or withholding affection or “I love you’s” at night. They are all separate. I do think men tend to view “talking” about it when everyone involved is still angry and just “nagging.” And I highly agree with whomever upthread said don’t follow them trying to get in a few more shots. To what end? Don’t ever do that. All it does is create a competition to get the last word in or say the nastiest thing and pretty soon people are going for the jugular. Sure way to kill the spark. Just let it go and sleep on it. And sleep together even though you’re mad. You wake up in the middle of the night or in the morning, and somehow at some time, you managed to spoon up together. It puts things in perspective and it’s hard to stay mad.
My mother told me two important things that made her marriage to my dad a success:
1. Comprise should be done by both parties and not only one of them.
2. Never ever sleep in separate beds after arguments – can go to bed angry without resolving the issue but never sleep in another room.
She looks like a young Goldie Hawn on the first page, moreso than Kate Hudson does.
I’m so happy someone famous enough to get press said this out loud! I hate, I repeat HATE, when people give newlyweds the advice of ‘never go to bed angry’. If I’d have said everything I’ve thought to my husband in the heat of the moment,.. he might hate me right now. People need time to cool off. I get that we’re not promised tomorrow so resolve grudges as soon as possible but sometimes,..it’s best to sleep on it!
Also, it’s nice to see press being given to the idea that people with doubts should break off the engagement. The whole concept “it’s natural, everyone gets cold feet” is just incredibly wrong. Anytime we have doubts, it’s usually for a good reason, we just need to pay attention to our instincts & respect them.
I LOVE #2. I read when I was getting married that you should always treat your spouse better than a stranger. It’s rung in my head for 20 years, and is still working today! (Well, most days)
She isn’t wrong. You can go to bed mad, because you’re still in love. Sometimes issues need a few days (weeks) to air out and find common ground. *side note: has she been unwell? she hasn’t been looking as healthy. hope she isn’t ill.*
I don’t necessarily agree with #3. Doubts about what? A lot of people have cold feet before getting married but it doesn’t mean you should break off your engagement. It kind of depends on the situation. Not great advice, IMO.
Corey, I just love your articles! I’m always too busy (2 kids under 2 + general life madness) to comment, but I always appreciate your celebrity gossip perspective 🙂 I also have a soft spot for this family because I also have a preemie child. I find her advice on point.