I’m really enjoying Lena Dunham’s weekly newsletter, Lenny, and it’s giving me a more positive impression of her overall. It was a smart career move for her to put out a feminist newsletter and she’s had some excellent op-eds and profiles, and some gossip-worthy ones too.
In the latest newsletter, Lena interviews Tori Spelling about her career and life. Unfortunately, as they explain in the intro to the piece, the news had not yet come out that Tori was deep in debt and had significant money issues so Lena didn’t bring up that topic at all. That’s a shame because we’ve heard about Tori’s money problems for years and I feel like Lena missed an opportunity here. The rest of the interview is interesting in that Tori talks about her reality show career and plans for the future. She talks a good game but I don’t really buy that she didn’t stage that whole incident with her husband cheating, especially because the other woman was named “Emily Goodhand.” It’s possible they fudged some of it for the cameras or exaggerated for more publicity. Overall though, Tori comes across pretty well. That may be because Lena is such a fangirl. Here’s some of what she said:
On if she ever worried that her reality show would mess up her family
On Tori and Dean, I was the executive producer. I looked at every edit. I basically protected our relationship through that. At first, it was fine, but it was a new relationship for us… All of a sudden, we got pregnant, and then I saw a different side of him. Not that I didn’t love him. But I thought, I didn’t sign up for this. Wait, you didn’t show me this. He said, “If I had shown you that side, you wouldn’t have been with me.” That’s not fair.On deciding to put Dean’s infidelity on her reality show
When it came out, I didn’t know what to do. This wasn’t going away. Everyone said, “This happens all the time. Look at all the A-list celebrities. They used to complain about it. Then they go on and do a big movie and it just goes away.” That’s not my life. That’s not my relationship with my fans. I’m not the type that can just go from talking about everything and then it’s like, “No personal questions,” the next time I do something.It was honestly my decision [to put the affair fallout on the show]. This was affecting me on many levels, not just the personal level. This is my career; this is, I hate saying it, my brand. All the lines blurred at that point. I obviously ran it by Dean, and if he had been adamant that he didn’t want to do it, I would not have done it. I would have respected that. He just said, “Do what you have to do.” I said, “Will you be a part of it?” He was at that point where he just was at the lowest point. He was in rehab, and he was just like, “I fucked up. I’ll do whatever I have to do to maintain our relationship.” It obviously became something that he was like, “I don’t want to do this anymore,” but at first, he said, “Yes, that’s fine with me.”
On her “complicated” relationship with her mother
It’s because [my mom] had that relationship with her mother. I would always ask my dad, “Why is Mom like this to me?” He would tell me, “She had a really bad relationship with her mom. Her mom was like that with her. There was a lot of competition. It was complicated.”I thought, If I have a daughter, I guess it’s just going to pass down. That’s the way it goes. Over time, I discovered it was definitely a conscious effort, and I just reminded myself every day I’m not my mom. I’d think, What would make me different? What’s my instinct of what would make that different? My instinct was touch. I just wanted to hug her and hold her and tell her how beautiful she was and make eye contact.
I get what Tori is saying about her mom raising her poorly, but she could work to build a friendship with her. My mom is a great lady and is not a piece of work like Candy, but we got to know each other better recently and I love her so much, she’s my best friend. Mother daughter relationships can be complicated but you only get one mom. I really get the impression, given some of the things that Candy has said, that Tori begs Candy for money whenever she sees her and that’s one of the main reasons they don’t get along.
There’s a lot more in the full interview, with Tori talking about how she consciously worked to have a better relationship with her daughter than she had with her mom growing up (she says she has to really focus on hugging her and giving her the physical attention that she didn’t get) and Tori’s goals for the future. She wants to be behind the camera producing something instead of continuing to put her life out there. I really wonder how much interest there is in Tori’s life at this point. Then again, if Tori came out and said “I’m a shopping addict, I have a problem” and let us tour all her storage facilities full of crap, I would watch that.
photo credit: FameFlynet, WENN and Getty
I think what she meant to say was “I want my mom to give me lots and lots of money, and she doesn’t, so we have a bad relationship”
She seems like the type who if her mom gave her say $50 million, she’d take it, complain about the amount, only to blow through it. Only to have her hand stretched out for more.
Yup nailed it.
Seems if you hand her 20, with no strings attached, and she complains because it is not 100 dollars.
Her mom is paying all of her bills and she’s still disparaging her in the press? Just say “no comment.” God, who is checking for Tori Spelling these days anyway?
I really don’t understand who her kids look like.
As far as her relationship with her mother goes, it’s sad, it might have contributed to her shopping addiction because to her/them shopping/money is love, but she needs to realize it and fix it. She’s not doing her kids any favors or raising them to be independent or good with money this way. Get it together, girl!!
-TheRealPinky
Wow. I could never imagine saying that about my mom’s parenting in public. That would be such a slap in the face. As usual, Tori manages to prove what an a-hole she is.
I was surprised by that as well.
My relationship with my mother is one of the most important ones in my life. We never fight because fights and longstanding grudges have torn her side of the family apart and resulted in a broken relationship with HER mom.
That was way more personal info then I meant to put out there but I just wanted to make the point that I would never talk about my momz the way that Tori has spoken about her mother. Then again, my mom is bomb and hers is…not so much.
My mom is far from perfect, as is our relationship, and a lot of that has to do with a lot of choices she’s made as a parent. But were I to actually go out and say something to effect that she was such a bad parent that I have to consciously do the opposite? That would tear her apart. I don’t even have to guess. And as usual, Tori seems to have absolutely no ability to recognize where her own crappy behavior feeds into their issues. It always comes back down to how hard things are for HER, but for Tori to actually work on her relationship with her mom she’d have to stop treating her like an ATM.
Not everyone who gets to have children is a good parent. I have zero problem believing that Candy Spelling has been absolutely awful to Tori, though I do think Tori is the definition of spoiled. The strained relationship between Tori and her mother has been a topic of discussion for decades now, I sincerely doubt that it’s all based on nothing. Again, I’m sure Tori is a spoiled brat – she is her mother’s child, after all.
It would not surprise me if her father had a hand in the spoiling. Could even have played the “good guy” and left Candi with the “bad guy” role. Candi may be paying the bills; but, I’m sure there are strings attached that Tori resents. She may not have been taught how to make it on her own. And, it’s important she learn this as an adult so she can break the cycle with her own children.
Mother daughter relationships are so complex. I agree it’s better to have a good relationship with them than not. I have a fragile relationship with my mother. She is very very much my best friend and she is also very much the most harmful person to my esteem.
She came from a horrifically abusive family, her dad an alcoholic and her mom sharp tongued, they came from Puerto Rico when my mom was 7.
Growing up with my mom was impossible, and physically abusive at times for my sisters and I, and my friends definitely remember her as being totally off the handle. When I was in college I realized so much of my esteem problems had to do with her and not any male figure, if that makes sense? I’ve got great men in my life.
However, when I became a mother myself and got to really know my mother, I realized how much she personally went through in her life.
She is basically self made, she taught herself English by reading, went on to win academic awards, balance a modeling career with over achievement. She graduated early from a High school in the Manhattab that women didn’t really apply or get into from the Bronx, she was one of two students to do so. Her home life was atrocious, yet she was scrappy enough to use her talents to get out, marry my bio dad, then when that broke up marry my stepfather. Both incredible amazing men. We grew up in one of the most affluent towns on the East Coast. I had an excellent college education. All of it.
I have mad respect for her and I love her deeply. That doesn’t mean that it isn’t healthy for me to take a little space when her kind of love is overwhelming for me.
I know exactly what you mean (except for the becoming a mother myself part since I do not have kids of my own). My mother had an absolutely appalling childhood in south America; Charles Dickens’ stories look like heaven on earth compared to most of what she survived. Yet somehow she managed to get out and by any measure build an exceptionally successful life with my father. She was not always the greatest mother to my older brother and me (largely because she did not have healthy relationships with her own parents and thus had nothing to model from), but we turned out fine in the end. Both of us have graduate degrees and good jobs. We are not on drugs or working a pole or corner. We do not suffer from drug or alcohol problems. We have no criminal records to speak of, save traffic tickets. All in all, she clearly did SOME things right when it came to raising us. Would it be nice if I could have a more traditional, more positive mother-daughter relationship? Sure. Is it going to happen in this lifetime? Probably not. But I realized a long time ago that I would much rather have the life I have today than be a life screwup. So I can forgive her for a lot of things.
Bearcat…<3 Thank you for sharing. A lot of similarities here!
Tori needs to grow the f up. She has a bunch of kids herself now and she needs to stop blaming her parents for everything.
Tori is old enough to take responsibility for her spending, breeding and her poor choice of a husband. No one else is to blame.
I’ve don’t doubt that Candy is a piece of work but she is stepping up for her grandchildren, not for their irresponsible parents, so she deserves some credit.
Agreed. There HAS to come a point in every adult child to remove the child out of the equation and become an adult! Take responsibility for your emotions and either get professional help or self help yourself.
Either way once you hit a certain age, especially if you have children, you can no longer waaa waaa about your childhood as a current and present example of why you’re messed up. Especially someone with means, there is NO excuse not to get the help you need to deal with parent issues.
Yes. My husband lost both parents when he was 8 and grew up in an orphanage. He has always had to make his own way and get on with it.
Her children seem to look like their father, lucky for them. I have soft spot for her because Donna was the only 90210 character I didn’t want to punch and she played sweet and ditzy well.
People always talk about what a terrible actress she is but to be fair, she embodied that Donna Martin character pretty damn well.
That’s probably why her father cast her in the role. It may actually have been written based on her.
So basically candy has issues that her daughter ask for the money candy never earned by herself? No matter what but her parents spoiled tori and this money belongs to tori as well! Not only to that greedy old lady who probably never worked in her life! Shes just a very bad mother! Your kids have issues in life? Wow thats what family is for! They stay with you in good and bad times. If they dont, they simply dont love you, period. Tori gave her 4 grandchildren, thats more worth then any billion!
IIRC Tori got some money when Aaron Spelling died, I want to say around $1 million. The money is NOT Tori’s, it is Candy’s, she is the widow and the money was left to her.
I’m not crazy about Candy but she doesn’t HAVE to give money to her able-bodied daughter and son-in-law just because they can’t handle their money properly.
The money is Candy’s. There’s no question about it. So shouldn’t we be referring to the person that has burned through MILLIONS of dollars and yet still DEMANDS more money that is not hers as the “greedy” one? Tori burned through a decade’s worth of 90210 money, anything that she would have also had in trust from Aaron, reality TV money, multiple books worth of money, and of course any miscellaneous money brought in through selling photos etc. And yet Candy now pays her rent, her children’s tuition, and other expenses. But still, the most pertinent detail is IT’S CANDY’S MONEY. Not Tori’s. Tori is not entitled to something that’s not hers, no matter how many children she produces.
Not to mention, this whole mess is Tori’s fault to begin with – her parents (that includes Aaron) didn’t approve of the way she ditched her first husband for Dean. But lord forbid that Tori ever accept responsibility for her broken relationship with her parents.
In estate law, the bulk of the estate goes to the surviving spouse. Who said it belongs to the children? Sorry if the surviving parent wants to give more (and in this case, Candy does) that’s their business.
Tori and her deadbeat should get real jobs.
I wonder what kind of “real job” either one of these losers is qualified for, and who would hire them, if they were. I know I wouldn’t.
The money never belonged to Tori. Her parents earned it (and yes, as the wife Candy did contribute to his success). Her parents were rich, she was not. Her father gave her a gift of a role that should have supported her for life in her share of the reruns and the jump start to a career doing various things. Not his fault, not her mother’s fault that she preferred to fill up warehouses with stuff she doesn’t need and doesn’t use.
I’m sorry, but having seen Tori’s horrible Lifetime docuseries in full (don’t ask why, I just can’t look away!), I don’t get it why Lena is giving her any space for her BS. She is as big a fraud as the Kardashians, and just as bad of an actress. I agree with the other commenters, she needs to grow the f up.
Not everyone has a good relationship with their mother or parents. I don’t know the ins-and-outs of this particular situation, but as someone who grew up in an abusive family I’m always baffled when someone says “well you only get one mother.” As if being blood-related is reason enough to keep a toxic person in your life.
Yeah, I don’t get it either. I’m more of a “choose your family” sort…
When I even read about this stuff with Tori and her mother I understand. I also can relate to how money becomes the commodity used for expressing every emotion and approval and disapproval as I had a similar situation in my family on an exponentially smaller scale. My mother was abusive and alcoholic and particularly cruel to me and not my brothers.I swear my father used to say that she was that way because of her mother and despite that she loves you. She also said a million times that I would see how being a mother was so so difficult that I would realize what she suffered and sacrificed when I had children. Nope. I realized norhing of the kind. I didn’t hit and scream and act like a maniacal matyr and thank goodness my son is great and has a lovely wife. We are not destined to repeat the past and use it as an excuse for our bad behavior without really trying to do everything to make healthier decisions when children are involved.
Tori has always talked about her bad relationship with her mom. Candy repeatedly told her she was ugly, convinced her she needed a nosejob, etc. I find it kind of gross that people think she’s just making up the emotional abuse she’s talked about for years. I mean, I’m pretty sure one of the reasons that she’s such a hoarder is because she was given shit instead of affection or boundaries.
Seriously. Tori is obviously just another daughter in a long line of narcissistic mothers. Just Google “daughters of narcissistic mothers” and you will get an idea of what is going on.
I completely feel for Tori. Does she need to get her act together? Does she need a good therapist? Does she need to take responsibility for her own actions? Yes. But it its hard to move past having a narcissist parent who continiously hurts you. I do remember reading a bit about Candy Spelling and she always came off as a really insecure, wimpy, self-involved person. I think Tori was trying to explain why Candy ended up like that and Tori’s own fear that she will end up like that. I don’t blame her for her anger and hurt she feels towards her mother. Plus the way Tori grew up, money is the currency for love.
There are many like Tori who believe their parents should make up for failed parenting through cash. So sad and wrong.
Too many stories floating around about Tori and mom competing for attention from dad. When dad died, the focus shifted to proof of love aka the $$$. I know someone who was seriously damaged by their mom. Not everyone gets a mom who’s positive, uplifting and loving.
Too bad they couldn’t resolve their differences. The money is a symptom of a bigger problem and Candy would probably give it all away rather than see Tori with it. If Tori gets the $, she wins. Sorry, its tge two of them, not just Tori. There’s a real struggle between the two and until Tori gets it and gets help, she will continue to struggle with the over spending, hoarding etc. I can’t imagine continuing in such a painful relationship regardless of any family ties.
A classic trait of a narcissistic mother is jealousy when their husband gives attention to a daughter. Most mothers are excited that their daughter and husband bond…but narcissists get jealous.
I would know as that is what happened to me.
What I don’t understand here is why Lena would be “fangirling” all over Tori? No big fan of Lena but it just struck me as odd that anyone would be a fan-girl to Tori. She’s accomplished absolutely nothing with a life that has been incredibly privileged in so many ways.