Madonna’s trainer says she’s already going back to the gym after fall

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So Madonna fell off the horse. Lots of jokes were made. While horse falls can be deadly, she walked away relatively unscathed, even though she tried to make a big deal about it in order to blame the paparazzi. Just how unscathed is she? Well Madonna is resuming her two hour workouts with shyster trainer to the stars Tracy Anderson tomorrow. With a normal person you’d say, “Wow, she must be doing really well!” But don’t forget that both Madonna and Tracy are completely insane (and not in the trendy, cute use of the word “insane”) when it comes to working out. If Madge were in a coma, Tracy would be by her bedside for two hours a day, duct taping weights to her hands and lifting her rippled bicepts so she didn’t get flabby. Then ripping the glucose drip from her arm.

Don’t worry about Madonna, who fell off a horse in the Hamptons over the weekend.

“She’s going to be fine. She fell on her butt,” her trainer Tracy Anderson told Monday at Cookie Magazine’s Smart Cookie Awards in NYC. “She’s fine.”

How fine?

“We’re going to train tomorrow,” she told Us.

When it comes to working out, “We have our set training,” Anderson said. “She’s like a professional athlete. She can’t mess around with her training. I mean, she has to be able to perform in front of 70,000 people who are sucking the life out of her, and she’s singing and dancing. There are no shortcuts when you’re training in that way.”

Anderson – who also works with Madonna’s pal Gwyneth Paltrow – said the singer trains six days a week, two hours a day, absolutely.”

[From Us Weekly]

Can you believe the nerve of those 70,000 people who pay hundreds of dollars to see Madonna perform? They’re sucking the life out of her! What needy, selfish bastards. Here’s the part where I say the requisite “I’m glad Madonna is okay” bit. I’m glad Madonna is okay. Moving on – I wonder what Madge would look like if she just cut it down to a more reasonable one hour a day workout? She might be a rather fetching lady.

Tracy Anderson (you remember her, the con artist who’s swindled hundreds of people out of thousands of dollars) doesn’t exactly have a look I’d want, which I find confusing. You know how when you go to get your hair cut, you want a stylist with a good do? You never want to go to the one who’s still working the 1986 hair. Anyway, Tracy’s got this compact, squatty frame that makes her look like a little boy. A little boy with the most obvious pair of bolt-on implants I’ve ever seen. They might as well be outside her skin, given how blatant and unsightly they are.

Tracy’s also got oddly round poofy cheeks for someone who’s as tiny as she is. Some incidences of chipmunk-type cheeks like that are said to be due to bulimia. Children’s Hospital’s website notes that bulimics often get “’chipmunk cheeks,’ when the salivary glands permanently expand from throwing up so often.” Tracy’s admitted in interviews that she downs cookies all the time, yet the rest of her body sure doesn’t show it. Unless she’s hiding those cookies in her cheeks, it’s all very questionable.

Maybe that fall off the horse will knock a little sense into Madonna and have her find a healthier fitness trainer.

Here’s Tracy at the Smart Cookie Awards at Lincoln Center in New York City last night. Images thanks to .

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20 Responses to “Madonna’s trainer says she’s already going back to the gym after fall”

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  1. Codzilla says:

    Back alley tits, indeed.

  2. HEB says:

    She’s not nearly as defined as Madonna either

  3. jay_center says:

    if you have never been to a Madonna concert, you would not understand the energy level there… There is a reason why her concert grosses 200 million US$ in 2006, and 242 million US$ in 2008… She is first class entertainer…

  4. Mel says:

    Chipmunk cheeks, like Rachael Zoe?

  5. Frenchie says:

    Ok, but what is the reason why Gwyneth alias “the Goop” is training. Is her gloopy website sucking the energy out of her too ???

  6. morgs says:

    Nice fake titties. That dress looks ridiculous.

  7. LALA says:

    She is a very unattractive woman. Ugly dress, ugky make up, ghetto tits and a bulimic jaw line.

    YOu would think the GOOP or Madonna could lend her a stylist.

    Madonna is a machine. I respect the hell out of her. But i wouldn’t want to be her. She doesn’t seem like she has a lot of fun.

  8. cherryblossom says:

    Madonna could be *gulp* a very beautiful woman if she stopped going for the mega tone look.
    I’m convinced that if she lives to be 80 she’ll still be working out three or four times a day.
    Excessive exercise is a disease, after all.

  9. lilred says:

    Pssssssssssst,your boobs are moving for a sneak attack. They are going to choke you, for making them wear that terible dress.

  10. Sue says:

    It takes a lot of training to wrap your ankles around your neck.

  11. TR says:

    What a pair of implants!?????

    Seriously though, a question for commenters who are quick to assert their view on her ‘prettiness’. Why are women always attack on their appearance? No one ever says anything bad about male celebrities.

  12. orion70 says:

    “I mean, she has to be able to perform in front of 70,000 people who are sucking the life out of her”

    Way to bite the hand that feeds the one who pays your salary you ridiculous tw@t.

    Her comment about Madge falling on her butt and therefore being ok, somehow suggests that Madge has an overly large arse to break her fall. I guess she’s helping her work it off.

    TR, this woman’s face aside, I agree with JayBird, this doesn’t even look like someone who works out, let alone be a trainer. There’s very little healthy looking about her. Perhaps she runs for three hours a day to work off that cookie, but hey.

    And those weird furry little stick arms are freaking me out.

  13. blind item reader says:

    Usually peoples’ trainers look like they actually work out, unlike the fraud seen above.

  14. heh-heh says:

    Isn’t this square-faced chipmunk facing lawsuits
    from people who invested in her health clubs
    And could that lead to criminal charges?
    And will she turn state’s evidence and send Gwyneth
    Paltrow and Madonna up the river?

    Enquiring minds want to know.

    That link again:

  15. crab says:

    It looks like she just got implants and they haven’t dropped yet!

  16. paranel says:

    Madonna’s concert was a blah. Half of the time, she was either sitting on a throne like chair or walking on stage. I don’t know what a big deal is about her concerts? all publicity. As far as her face is concerned she has surprised , pulled too tight look that scares me.

  17. C-DUB says:

    Does anyone read W magazine???? There was an article about her workouts. One the editors did the workout and got amazing results. Just because “Madge” looks a little roided up doesn’t mean this lady isn’t a good trainer.
    Check it out!
    With that being said,
    her boobs do look ridiculous.

  18. eggy weggs says:

    Not to kick people while they’re down and sucking, but Tracy Anderson looks like she has terrrrrible skin, too.

  19. morgs says:

    She’s an overpriced pilates instructor. That’s it.

  20. skip says:

    Have any of you actually tried the workout. Before you make remarks, you should educate yourselves. You sound petty and stupid.